Not all moms want to start when they are 30

Bonnie - posted on 12/09/2009

Melissa, I'm going to be real honest with you - you set yourself up for failure with the way you started this thread. "So why is it that people are soooo rude?" Did you really think 30- and 40-something year old moms were going to give a nice reply explaining why they're rude? You asked a confrontational question, and you got a confrontational response from some people here because they took it personally. Think about it...what would YOU say to someone who asks you why you're so rude, especially if you don't think you are?

For the record - early 20s when I had my kids, both while I was still in college. I've never felt looked down on, even though my kids' friends' moms are all about 10 years older than me. I'm friends with most of these women too. Even if someone looked down on me for having my kids when I did, so what? People look down on people who are on welfare, they look down on 60-year-olds attending their kids' high school graduation, they look down on moms who've struggled with addiction - the list goes on. Who cares? If your self-esteem is high enough, if you are truly confident in who you are as a mother, then this stuff goes in one ear and out the other. Instead, if you are really bothered by this issue, then that tells you that there is some underlying problem YOU have, such as insecurity over your age, low self-esteem, fears for the future, stress if you're a single mom doing it alone, not enough support and maybe you feel overwhelmed, etc. Any of those things and a lot of other things could be bothering you and it could come out through oversensitivity to small stuff like this. So, you need to get honest with yourself and ask yourself exactly why you are so worked up over what you think older moms think of you. Complaining about it on a message board isn't going to get to the root of what's really bothering you.

Again, when you become more confident in your parenting role and in yourself as a woman - and this is something that comes with age and experience, we have ALL been there - then you won't be concerned with this issue.

Charlene - posted on 12/09/2009

I don't get it? You started this controversy and now you are getting mad because people are giving their opinions?



I have to agree with the majority and say that the only reason any of this happens is because young moms go looking for it.

I have yet to see a thread where a young mom was attacked or judge by an older mom. And I highly doubt that any older mom is jealous of someone because they had a child in their teens.



And before I get blasted by a young mom, I would like to point out that I am a young mom myself.

I'm 19, my hubby is 23 and our daughter is four months old. We live in our own house, pay our own rent, utilities and health insurance, buy our own groceries and supplies for our daughter. We don't get any financial help from our parents or the government.



We worked and are still working hard to get to where we are today, so I definitely wouldn't encourage a young girl to have a child this early, especially if they can't even support themselves.

I don't care how old you are when you start having kids as long as YOU provide for them.

Micah - posted on 12/09/2009

I feel that even though it can be very difficult and challenging having children when you are young, it is also a great experience. Not only are my children teenagers (13-18) now (I'm 33). I feel like I can connect with my teenagers more easily than other parents can. I GET them. They GET me. I have fun with them, and they feel comfortable talking to me about things. My husband and I are almost done raising them and we will soon be able to do the things we want to do at a young enough age to still be active. We thought about having another child, but that would mean starting all over again. We will just hold out for any grandchildren that may come our way.

Melissa - posted on 12/09/2009

i PMed you a accidently hit that button and you have no right to tell anyone there child is a mistake !!!! was my point and i dont have bi- personality anything YOU are what i was talking about people are so mean and judgemental on here and i think ill delete my account !



PS

not everyone is judge mental, but i have enough craziness in my life and dont need it from other women who think that their ideas are the right ideas

Betsy - posted on 12/09/2009

Having had children myself at all age brackets, teens, 20s and 30s, I can honestly say that I have never encountered a mature, established woman who regretted not having started a family when they were uneducated, with no substantial income, with no life experience or independent stability. I have seen many, like myself, who did start a family at that stage, had to become established already a parent and can look back and know, although they did make it and love what their lives have become, have gained the wisdom and maturity to know that wasn't best most optimal situation to start a family and would never recommend or encourage that route to others. When I see people say, I made it so it was a great idea, I don't think they have reached that level of maturity yet because no one every grows up and says at 30 or 40 I have the same level of wisdom and hindsight I did at 18 and wishes they were still at the level they were at 18. You may have done wonderfully and it all worked out, but you also can realize if you knew then what you know now, you would have been a lot smarter!

Dana - posted on 12/09/2009

Quoting Dannielle:

Quoting dana:

Quoting Dannielle:

Maybe they are just jealous, even if they refuse to admit it.

Out of curiosity, what do older women have to be jealous of?

I know a few who wish they had kids in their younger years and I often catch looks they give young mums. These are not nice looks and stem from jealousy rather than judgement. I've questioned the look to have them explain that they were thinking about how they wish they could have had kids when they were young.

Well, I'm sure there are just as many young women looking at older women wishing they had been older, more accomplished or enjoyed their early adulthood first.  These issues have nothing to do with whether you are older or younger, rather it has to do with  women of any age who are unhappy in life.  Always looking for something to complain about or something better.

Dana - posted on 12/09/2009

Quoting melissa :

the point of my thread was too get a little more love and less judgement! and that as women and mothers we should support each other, i had my daughter young and people * people i knew as well* always talked to me like i was dumb, and it buged me yes i had a child early do i wish i waited sometimes. i graduated early was already in a home school program was half way done with my AS in child dev. plus i did so much research on every part of pregnacy i might have know more than the dr. j/k. but people assumed i was ignorant and judged me ... i think the yound moms are venting maybe they FEEL like they stick out and the should be able to get advice on that issue

Older people talk to younger people as if they're dumb whether they're a parent or not.  It's a right of passage.  We all go though it.  It's whether you decide to make it a thorn in your side or not.  Honestly and ironically, as you mature things like this will have no importance in your life.

Dana - posted on 12/09/2009

Quoting Joanna:

Quoting dana:

Quoting Dannielle:

Maybe they are just jealous, even if they refuse to admit it.

Out of curiosity, what do older women have to be jealous of?

I can think of one thing. My cousin has some serious health issues that have made unadvisable for her to have children right now. She's 25 years old which certainly isn't very old, but she sees me ( 1 year younger) and a lot of friends her age having kids and starting families and it does make her jealous. She may never be able to have a biological child, so she's already looking up what it takes to adopt. Even still she may be in her mid 30s before her health is in a place where she can care for a child.

 

She does not by any means look down on 17-25 year old moms, and I don't believe that any 30+ moms do it out of jealousy, but my cousin is quite jealous that she can't have a baby right now when she wants one so badly. It's a shame too, she love kids so much and she's always been so good with them.

That's a women who may be jealous, not an older women.  If anyone thinks that 25 is old then they are too young to be having children. 

Sharon - posted on 12/09/2009

Quoting melissa :

Quoting Sharon:

Quoting dana:

I actually never see any threads like that. The only ones I see on the subject are young moms bringing it up as if it were an issue.....

 

AGREED!!!!!!

I wasn't in my teens, I wasn't in my 30s.  And I still don't think being a teenage mother is a good idea - so ..... what are you going to claim now?  I'm educated, live well, I own my home, all my vehicles are paid for.  My kids all have college funds, My life is pretty darned good.  I won't be a senior citizen when my youngest graduates college.

 

So hhmmm... what am I supposed to be jealous of?  Your immaturity?  Your childish need to try & defend a mistake? 

 this is what i was talking about ??? is it your right to tell me my child is a mistake ?? HELL NO it isnt !! i never said anyone was jealous or that you shouldn't wait or that either choice was right... my point was as ADULTS, women and mothers  weshould be supporting each other not making rude remarks just cause your a young mom doesnt mean you dont have feelings !

 

Um hello? 

1.  No YOU didn't say anything about jealousy, another :: ahem :: person, did.  So why did you take it personally?

2.  You PMd me raving, after saying you liked what you read here, lmao what is that about?  Another severe bi-personality issue?

3.  Who started the divisive post?  I didn't see anyone say anything about teen moms until this post.  And, its not my job to support you.  You have a brain, use it.  I don't see that you are suffering anything out of the ordinary that common sense can't fix.

Mary - posted on 12/09/2009

Okay, I've read through a lost of these posts, and I am still really perplexed as to where all the hostility is coming from. Since when did age become an Us vs. Them issue? I honestly think this thread is creating a controversy where none needs to exist. Maybe I'm missing something, but when people post on this forum, I have no idea how old they are unless they bring it up. In most threads, the age of the mother is irrelevant to the topic...a baby with diaper rash/colic/teething has those issues irregardless of his mother's age, right? Your age only factors into any thread on here if YOU decide to bring it into the conversation.

I would also like to add that they only negatvity and hostility I've seen in THIS thread is young moms attacking older moms, and not the other way around. Statements like "you're jealous" or my personal favorite...I'm a better parent because "I'm younger & I can keep up"....WTF??? First off, those were unprovoked, inflammatory statements. Secondly, they are far from true. I dare any of you younger mommas to keep up with me and my lifestyle....I was 38 when I gave birth to my daughter...worked 3 12hr nights a week as an L&D nurse right up until I delivered. I still work those nights, and every day, even when I work, I strap her 23lb one-year old on my back, and we walk our 2 dogs (combined wt of 150lbs) between 3-5 miles/day. And you think I can't keep up???? Really???

I could care less about the age of another mother. What matters more to me is how much she loves her child, provides for his or her needs, and always strives to do the very best that she can. I will confess that I do have a bit of an issue with mother of ANY age that do not provide financially for their family, and rely on government assistance. A temporary setback is one thing, but having multiple children when you do not have the means to support them is another. I do resent that, as a mother that works, I am supporting not only my family, but yours as well. That bugs me if the mother is 18 or 38.

Tamika - posted on 12/09/2009

Quoting Betsy:

Quoting melissa :

Not all moms want to start when they are 30

i have read a few questions on here about older women treating younger women badly for having children so young! Not all moms want a caree and to start when they are 30 and theres nothing wrong with either choice! So why is it that people are soooo rude ??

It seems like you are talking about the teen thread. It's not rude and definitely not jealousy. In fact many who posted there were very young moms when they started.  Those, myself included, discussed when teens wanted babies, but yet didn't understand the full responsiblity of parenting. Some do understand it and can make it. It's not easy, but I did well myself, but to want a child or more kids knowing you have no education, are not able to be self-sufficient and provide housing, food, heat, medical care, etc., that is missing the majority of what the job of parenting is. The day to day diaper changing and playing with a baby is only a small portion of what parenting really entails. To go into it feeling I will do those things, but the big things like providing housing and heat, my parents or the taxpayers can do is being an irresponsible parent not doing their job from the get go. Accidental pregnancies do happen, but how the parent steps up and handles that is the issue.

 

My husband and I had babies in every decade of our adult lives, earliest I was 17, then 23, 24, and youngest at 33 and 34. It is a huge difference in having kids in our 30's, and even 20's when we were stable and planned the pregnancies, compared to the teen years. We did do it completely on our own, but that is very difficult, but it was 100% our job. No one said anyone should wait until 30. If a younger couple is stable, doing well supporting themselves and thoughtfully decide they are physically, emotionally and financially capable of providing all the aspects of the parental responsibilities, whether planned or after an accidental pregnancy, that's great. A career isn't required, but at least one of the parents should be able to support that family, though I highly support all women having an education because with divorce rates at over 50%, plus no can can predict the future and that mom may be left alone with her kids counting on her to provide for them, education, whether formal or in a trade, is very important for women to have.

well said, my motto is if your not ready to be a single parent(mother or father) dont become one at all. Marriage is not written in stone, and people drop dead everyday.  Im not knocking stay at home moms, but in this day and age what would happen if you husband died today. Would you be able to support your kids without him? Im just courious if there are any SAHM in this conversation!!!!! 

Tamika - posted on 12/09/2009

Quoting Jodi:

Quoting dana:

I actually never see any threads like that. The only ones I see on the subject are young moms bringing it up as if it were an issue.....

I agree Dana, I have never seen it as an issue unless young mothers bring it up as something they think they see as a problem.  I certainly don't treat young mothers here any different to older mothers.  To be perfectly honest, I have absolutely no idea how old anyone is, or how old they were when they had their first child unless they reveal it!!  I certainly don't go out of my way to find out because it really doesn't matter.

I am glad you are a real women, but for ever women that feels like you do, there are just as many that are judgmental. I experienced the same thing when I had my first child at 19, I had my second six years later and while I was pregnant with him I got the dirty looks. Now my youngest is 2 and when I am out with my boys, i get looks, and even coments like you brothers are soo cute. I say thank you but the are my sons and then the OOOHH!!! look washes over their face and How old are you is the next question.  seriously what does it matter. My boys are well behaved, and well mannered.

Tamika - posted on 12/09/2009

Quoting shenna:

i have a problem with people making comments about me quite frequently. i am young 26 today actually. i have 4 children ages 8, 4, 22 months and 4 months. people seem to make comments but no one realizes that i was not a horrible person and i was on 3 different types of birth control when 3 of my children was concieved and i even got pregnant my very first time. i was trying to prevent pregnancy, but since it happened i made the best of it.

I so get what your saying, I hade my first at 19 because his father put a hole in the condom and would not help me pay for and abortion. Yes I said the nasty a word. So I was prego alone, in labor alone, and have rasied my prince alone. His litle brother was concieved while I was on the pill six years later. People always want to jugde without know what the story is. I learned at a young age, if as women is staring at me, I call her on it. Most of the time they dont even realise that they are staring. The ones that do know they are staring speak their mind, and I always say "Mind your business, me having a child is not hurting you". I had one lady say I was hurting her and the country cuz its the country's tax dollors that feed my child. My response was "thats funny, i thought it was my 2 jobs that feed my kid" I am proud to say I had a kid at 19 and never ended up on welfare, mommy and daddy did not support me finacially, and I still get no child support.

Tamika - posted on 12/09/2009

I did not intend to have my first at 19 but I always said I would have as many kids as I could have by the time I was 30 because when I retire all my kids will be out of my house and I can start my life again and still get a good 20-30 years of doing what I want to do before I die. Now I amd 27 and only have two boys. So I have 3 more years to have my baby girl. I think it is so funny when mothers in my mothers age group(my mom is 51) give me bad looks, I call them veteran moms. I work at Dave and Busters(one that allows kids) and the rude, unrully, disrespectfull children always seem to belong to the vetern moms. They are just hateing because we are doing a better job of raising our kids because we are yonger so we can keep up. That and the fact we deal with our kids better because we still remember what it was like to be a kid.

Melanie - posted on 12/09/2009

It's up to each individual. I had mine at 25 yet my sister in law was only 20. Everyone is different. I didn't even want kids and at 21 went to find out about sterilisation. Then met my husband and here i am 2 kids later. I think some people are to opinionated when it comes to age i think as long as your a good mum it doesn't matter if your 17 or 30. xx

Dannielle - posted on 12/08/2009

Quoting dana:

Quoting Dannielle:

Maybe they are just jealous, even if they refuse to admit it.

Out of curiosity, what do older women have to be jealous of?

I know a few who wish they had kids in their younger years and I often catch looks they give young mums. These are not nice looks and stem from jealousy rather than judgement. I've questioned the look to have them explain that they were thinking about how they wish they could have had kids when they were young.

Jodi - posted on 12/08/2009

Quoting melissa :

the point of my thread was too get a little more love and less judgement! and that as women and mothers we should support each other, i had my daughter young and people * people i knew as well* always talked to me like i was dumb, and it buged me yes i had a child early do i wish i waited sometimes. i graduated early was already in a home school program was half way done with my AS in child dev. plus i did so much research on every part of pregnacy i might have know more than the dr. j/k. but people assumed i was ignorant and judged me ... i think the yound moms are venting maybe they FEEL like they stick out and the should be able to get advice on that issue

So Melissa, are you saying you asked a question here and didn't get advice, but ended up beaten down by older mums?  I can't recall seeing a thread like that. Or are you saying that you are discriminated against in general?  I am trying to understand the point of your thread, because I haven't seen the level of judgement you have indicated (and if there has been, it is a very small minority), except when young mums are the ones starting threads about how unfairly they get treated........

You want my honest opinion?  I have a 17 year old step-daughter and there is no way in hell I would encourage her to go off and get herself pregnant.  SHE IS TOO YOUNG.  Any 17 year old is too young, and it is only when you get older that you realise how VERY young 17 actually is.  HOWEVER, if it happened, I would be supportive of her as much as possible without actually supporting her financially.  If she is old enough to have sex with her boyfriend (and yes, I know she is), she should be old enough to deal with the consequences should her birth control fail.  If she can't afford that risk, she simply shouldn't have sex, and she is fully aware of this, it has been an open discussion in this house.  It's all about risk assessment.  Like a lot of other things in life.  Having sex is probably one of the first big long term decisions a teenager makes, and sometimes, it doesn't go to plan (well, it kind of never does - I am yet to meet anyone whose first sexual experience is like something in the movies, LOL).

Would I JUDGE her for her decision to have the baby?  No, I wouldn't.  I would be disappointed.  I would prefer she finish her education BEFORE she decides to have a family, but shit happens sometimes.  That doesn't make her any less a person.  Young people are mostly good parents too, they just generally need a lot more help.  But basically, if the attitude of "you made your bed, now you have to lay in it" is what is bothering you, that's is the attitude I have. It happened, a baby is on the way, time to just be practical and become a mother.  Happy to help where needed, but not really into listening to the "woe is me" thing. 

Michelle - posted on 12/08/2009

I am 38, with three daughters. I had my oldest child when I was nearly 27 and my twins when I was almost 35. I don't have an issue with women who decide to have children at a younger age. It is their choice, their life and their body. I don't ever make negative comments about their choices. I have many friends that had children at a young age. Their kids are basically adults now, while mine are still fairly young. Each to their own. I just chose to have my kids later.

Melissa - posted on 12/08/2009

the point of my thread was too get a little more love and less judgement! and that as women and mothers we should support each other, i had my daughter young and people * people i knew as well* always talked to me like i was dumb, and it buged me yes i had a child early do i wish i waited sometimes. i graduated early was already in a home school program was half way done with my AS in child dev. plus i did so much research on every part of pregnacy i might have know more than the dr. j/k. but people assumed i was ignorant and judged me ... i think the yound moms are venting maybe they FEEL like they stick out and the should be able to get advice on that issue

Shenna - posted on 12/08/2009

i have a problem with people making comments about me quite frequently. i am young 26 today actually. i have 4 children ages 8, 4, 22 months and 4 months. people seem to make comments but no one realizes that i was not a horrible person and i was on 3 different types of birth control when 3 of my children was concieved and i even got pregnant my very first time. i was trying to prevent pregnancy, but since it happened i made the best of it.

Firebird - posted on 12/08/2009

Quoting dana:

Quoting Dannielle:

Maybe they are just jealous, even if they refuse to admit it.

Out of curiosity, what do older women have to be jealous of?

I can think of one thing. My cousin has some serious health issues that have made unadvisable for her to have children right now. She's 25 years old which certainly isn't very old, but she sees me ( 1 year younger) and a lot of friends her age having kids and starting families and it does make her jealous. She may never be able to have a biological child, so she's already looking up what it takes to adopt. Even still she may be in her mid 30s before her health is in a place where she can care for a child.

She does not by any means look down on 17-25 year old moms, and I don't believe that any 30+ moms do it out of jealousy, but my cousin is quite jealous that she can't have a baby right now when she wants one so badly. It's a shame too, she love kids so much and she's always been so good with them.

Jodi - posted on 12/08/2009

Quoting melissa :

Also for every one saying thing about being finacail fit, money isnt everything and it can be gone in a flash ! so young women are not stupid for having children first

Melissa, I think the point is, that if younger mums stopped making it about age, by posting threads that make it about their age, then it wouldn't be an issue!! 

Also, I don't believe anyone said anything about "stupid".

Melissa - posted on 12/08/2009

Also for every one saying thing about being finacail fit, money isnt everything and it can be gone in a flash ! so young women are not stupid for having children first

Melissa - posted on 12/08/2009

Quoting Sharon:

Quoting dana:

I actually never see any threads like that. The only ones I see on the subject are young moms bringing it up as if it were an issue.....

 

AGREED!!!!!!

I wasn't in my teens, I wasn't in my 30s.  And I still don't think being a teenage mother is a good idea - so ..... what are you going to claim now?  I'm educated, live well, I own my home, all my vehicles are paid for.  My kids all have college funds, My life is pretty darned good.  I won't be a senior citizen when my youngest graduates college.

 

So hhmmm... what am I supposed to be jealous of?  Your immaturity?  Your childish need to try & defend a mistake? 

 this is what i was talking about ??? is it your right to tell me my child is a mistake ?? HELL NO it isnt !! i never said anyone was jealous or that you shouldn't wait or that either choice was right... my point was as ADULTS, women and mothers  weshould be supporting each other not making rude remarks just cause your a young mom doesnt mean you dont have feelings !

Marjorie - posted on 12/08/2009

If you are prepare to give that child emotional and financial stability and teach this child self-respect, respect for others and discipline. You are ready to enter motherhood.

Marjorie - posted on 12/08/2009

i agree, it's your decision and your right!

Marjorie - posted on 12/08/2009

The age you choose to have children, is yours choice and nobody have the right to judge you for your decision.

Marjorie - posted on 12/08/2009

I had my children quite young but we grew up. together. I don't thing a woman should wait too late to have children because the patience is gone. children are yours for life and you don't want to look like their grandparent, instaed their parent.

Sharon - posted on 12/08/2009

People don't respect each other, period. It's just the way it is in this busy day and age.
I chose to have my children in my 30's as I personally felt I couldn't have coped with small children in my 20's. I was also busy pursuing my hobby and not ready to give it up to have kids. I know some young Mums and they also made a choice about when to have their kids. They are no better nor worse as parents than my older friends. I think the media has played a part in portraying young Mums as irresponsible, this is possibly why some young Mums here seem to be on the defensive.

Dana - posted on 12/08/2009

As well as the younger generation has no respect for their elders..

Debbie - posted on 12/08/2009

I think that society in general has become increasingly rude. Sadly, it seems to be acceptable to disregard the feelings and rights of others.
Older people in general need to set the example in being polite and cordial. I can't phathom an older person treating a younger person poorly, especially when the older person has valuable experiences and life lessons to pass along to younger ones.
Our generation is certainly changing. Gone are the days of mentoring and taking younger people under the wings, so to speak.
I encourage older folks and younger ones alike, respect and value each other. You can learn something from everyone...........even if it's how NOT to act.

Sharon - posted on 12/08/2009

Quoting dana:

I actually never see any threads like that. The only ones I see on the subject are young moms bringing it up as if it were an issue.....

 

AGREED!!!!!!

I wasn't in my teens, I wasn't in my 30s.  And I still don't think being a teenage mother is a good idea - so ..... what are you going to claim now?  I'm educated, live well, I own my home, all my vehicles are paid for.  My kids all have college funds, My life is pretty darned good.  I won't be a senior citizen when my youngest graduates college.

 

So hhmmm... what am I supposed to be jealous of?  Your immaturity?  Your childish need to try & defend a mistake? 

Iysha - posted on 12/08/2009

I think that no matter what age women decide to have children, someone is going to have a problem with it...Young moms get hassled, older moms get hassled...Nobody is going to be happy with everything another person decides to do. It's not fair and is stupid...but that is just the way things are

Dana - posted on 12/08/2009

I agree Jodi, I have no idea the age of anyone or how old they were when they had their first child. It in turn seems like young mothers are the one with issue.

Jodi - posted on 12/08/2009

Quoting dana:

I actually never see any threads like that. The only ones I see on the subject are young moms bringing it up as if it were an issue.....

I agree Dana, I have never seen it as an issue unless young mothers bring it up as something they think they see as a problem.  I certainly don't treat young mothers here any different to older mothers.  To be perfectly honest, I have absolutely no idea how old anyone is, or how old they were when they had their first child unless they reveal it!!  I certainly don't go out of my way to find out because it really doesn't matter.

Dana - posted on 12/08/2009

Quoting Dannielle:

Maybe they are just jealous, even if they refuse to admit it.

Out of curiosity, what do older women have to be jealous of?

Dana - posted on 12/08/2009

I actually never see any threads like that. The only ones I see on the subject are young moms bringing it up as if it were an issue.....

Jamie - posted on 12/08/2009

As women, we are our own worst enemies. It is unfortunate that some choose to relieve their own personal anxieties about motherhood by critisizing others. But, it is also unfortunate that some women use their age as a crutch to not own up to their responsibilities. Both sides could take a lesson to not be so judgemental, ask for help when they need it, and offer help to those in need. Hang in there. I'm getting the opposite because I had my first at 27.

Betsy - posted on 12/08/2009

Quoting Theresa:

I think evry woman should have a choice when they want to have children. It doesn't matter if it's 20's or 30's. I had my first at 21 and am now pregnant with my 4th at 35. The only problem I have is when imature women have babies. If you're going to have a child, no matter what age you are, you need to be willing to make sacrifices for that child and put him first. I am not targeting this at yopung women, because I know a 44 year old woman who came first to mind when I said this. I do foster care and have found that just because a woman is older doesn't make her a great parent. Some of them make as bad or worse choices than the young ones.

That's definitely true. There are some women at 40 who still don't get it. I think it is the fact that there are better odds a couple can support themselves and has a history being responsible at 40 as opposed to a 16 yr old who drops out of high school. Some people never mature to that level, expecting others to pick up the slack in their responsibilities though, regardless of chronological age. The feelings are the the same for both scenarios.

Theresa - posted on 12/08/2009

I think evry woman should have a choice when they want to have children. It doesn't matter if it's 20's or 30's. I had my first at 21 and am now pregnant with my 4th at 35. The only problem I have is when imature women have babies. If you're going to have a child, no matter what age you are, you need to be willing to make sacrifices for that child and put him first. I am not targeting this at yopung women, because I know a 44 year old woman who came first to mind when I said this. I do foster care and have found that just because a woman is older doesn't make her a great parent. Some of them make as bad or worse choices than the young ones.

Billie Gail - posted on 12/08/2009

I started at 18, but not on purpose. I am very happy that I did though. It was hard but I had so much energy and so much fun with my kids. I am now 39 (will be 40 in Jan) and I am done. They are all grown and I get to go live my life and still be young enough to really enjoy my grandchildren.
I know it is not for everyone, but those that are mature enough at a young age and have family health problems in the 30's (like my family) I encourage it.
BTW I am really happy I did not wait. I had a total hysterectomy by 31 and needed it by 28. My paternal Gmother passed at 26 from cervical cancer..... and my mom had it at 28. (so did I)

Betsy - posted on 12/08/2009

Quoting melissa :

Not all moms want to start when they are 30

i have read a few questions on here about older women treating younger women badly for having children so young! Not all moms want a caree and to start when they are 30 and theres nothing wrong with either choice! So why is it that people are soooo rude ??

It seems like you are talking about the teen thread. It's not rude and definitely not jealousy. In fact many who posted there were very young moms when they started.  Those, myself included, discussed when teens wanted babies, but yet didn't understand the full responsiblity of parenting. Some do understand it and can make it. It's not easy, but I did well myself, but to want a child or more kids knowing you have no education, are not able to be self-sufficient and provide housing, food, heat, medical care, etc., that is missing the majority of what the job of parenting is. The day to day diaper changing and playing with a baby is only a small portion of what parenting really entails. To go into it feeling I will do those things, but the big things like providing housing and heat, my parents or the taxpayers can do is being an irresponsible parent not doing their job from the get go. Accidental pregnancies do happen, but how the parent steps up and handles that is the issue.

My husband and I had babies in every decade of our adult lives, earliest I was 17, then 23, 24, and youngest at 33 and 34. It is a huge difference in having kids in our 30's, and even 20's when we were stable and planned the pregnancies, compared to the teen years. We did do it completely on our own, but that is very difficult, but it was 100% our job. No one said anyone should wait until 30. If a younger couple is stable, doing well supporting themselves and thoughtfully decide they are physically, emotionally and financially capable of providing all the aspects of the parental responsibilities, whether planned or after an accidental pregnancy, that's great. A career isn't required, but at least one of the parents should be able to support that family, though I highly support all women having an education because with divorce rates at over 50%, plus no can can predict the future and that mom may be left alone with her kids counting on her to provide for them, education, whether formal or in a trade, is very important for women to have.

Kevlyn - posted on 12/08/2009

I have only been on here a short amount of time but i have also seen where people are judging young mothers and mothers that are not married..I personally had my first child at 19,not married, me second at 22, not married and have my third due soon at 23 and got married the after i started my last period this time..LOL...I dont think this site should have people on here judging each other, this site was made for support not critisizing and judging!!!!!!!!!! Everyone shpuld be able to live there life the way they want without being critisized or judged!!!!!!!!!!!

Kristy - posted on 12/08/2009

Hey Melissa I am 28 now, I had my first baby at 18, she is now 10 closer to 11, You know what I dont care what people say, I believe that everyone is different, next year my 3 kids are all going to be at school yeah for me and I am only going to be 29... Look out world here I come, I am going to get a job now that I have stayed home and raised my kids to school age and you know what I think it was the best thing for me having my kids young... So Dont worry about any nasty people, we are all on here because first and foremost we love our kids no matter how old we are... :)

Nikki - posted on 12/08/2009

millissa you are right..i though my daughter was unexspected i got pregnent and had her at 21 life is hard..and there are times that i wish that i could have waited longer my daughter andrea paige is my life i dont know what my life or my fiance life would be like without her so...to say that wemon shouldnt be haveing kids young sometimes it just happends i mean i was on the pill and everything and still got pregnent but i think if they choose to have kids young is there dission no one elses and no one should be judged because of it exspecually on a site that we are here to help people and mybe form friendship

Lana - posted on 12/08/2009

There are many many sides to this issue but the main thing to keep in mind no matter what the age is it is not always a 'choice' when we want to have kids. Sometimes people in their twenties haven't met the right partner yet, sometimes people have fertility issues that delay pregnancy, sometimes young people get pregnant when they are prepared to take care of a child, and sometimes the circumstances are just right. People need to step back and appreciate someone else's circumstances.

Melissa - posted on 12/08/2009

i was just wondering i know all arent like that just wondering

Michelle - posted on 12/08/2009

I can understand both sides. I just turned 31 this past August and had my first child this past April. I can tell you from my own personal experience that I am glad I waited as I do not think I would have been able to handle child and career beginning at the same time. I can also tell you that not a day goes by where I wish I did not have more time available to me to stay home with my son. And then there are times where I wonder if I chose the correct career path, with its demanding schedule and stress. These are all reflections of my own personal situation, and in those reflections I know I would not change a thing. I can also tell you that my biological clock is ticking for another baby before too long as I dont want to be 40 and having my second child. If someone is treating you differently than it is their own predjudices and you should not let it bother you. Different things for different people. This is why we have our own lives and make our own decisions.

Dannielle - posted on 12/08/2009

Maybe they are just jealous, even if they refuse to admit it.

Brandi - posted on 12/08/2009

I don't know. I am a 28 yr. old mother of 2. i had my daughter when I was 24. Personally I have a family history of reproductive problems after the age of 30, so I decided when I was pretty young that I would have my children before I turned 30 (all the women in my family were able to have at least one healthy child before they turned 30) and focus on the rest of my life after the kids were grown. However, I also understand the position of women who choose to wait until they are in their 30s to have children. They usually plan on being working moms and would like to settle themselves first. I believe it is a personal decision that is really not any business of anyone else's.