Ok.....I need advice on alot of things. Can somebody please HELP ME??? Any advice is awesome

Christi - posted on 03/12/2012 ( 13 moms have responded )

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I think I have taken parenting in a way wrong directions so I really have to question my status as a mother.....you know what I mean?



Situation: I am married to the father of both of my children. My daughter is 2 years old her name is Prudence Kay. I recently had my son who is now almost 4 months. So here are my questions.



#1. When I put my daughter on the toilet she seems to get very angry. My husband and I have tried many times and I honestly have no clue how to potty train children. Nothing I ever do is helping. Everytime I get online to do researching I get useless 10 page long arcticles and when it starts to get good you find out they want $80 for a dvd pack that instructs you from there. What crap. How do i introduce her gently to the bathroom and potty? She has a potty chair but she plays like its a toy. I have tried to use stuffed animals to play with her with the potty chair and she just took the potty apart. I am really done with the diaper changing. I want some potty training advice. Im willing to do anything. PLEASE HELP.



#2. She yells No at me when I say things when she is being bad. I will say "Prudence Please Dont Do That" and she will walk up to me and SCREAM NO. I do believe in smacking a butt of course I have never hurt her. Just her pride has been smashed LOL. It does not even phase her anyway.



#3 I have no idea how to get her to understand the concept of TIME OUT. She just keeps getting up and going on about her merry way. I will stand there and she will just get up and smack me. I smack her on the hand and she continues to smack me and I continue to smack her hand until I surrender and she goes in her room.



#4 At night she has her own bedroom and we put a baby gate up and put a movie on the tv for her. She will yell at Andrew(hubby) and Mommy in there a million times to change her movie. If not she will bang the door off of the wall and climb up on things she knows she shouldnt do. So we are forced to go in there and try to get her to bed. Normally doesn't fall asleep until after 10 sometimes 11 o'clock. I feel bad if i turn her tv off because I cant put any light in there cause she will just break the nightlights we have tried to use.



#5 She really just doesnt eat. She is so picky and I worry about her health. I don't want to have to force feed her. She likes steamed green beans, hotdogs, shredded wheat cereal, spaghetti. So sometimes she will pork out for a couple days and then sometimes she will go a week where she wont eat hardly anything. I talked to the doctor said not to force her.



#6 She is a loner around other children and when she gets too close to kids she just pushes them away physically or smacks then in the head. She avoids them. I try to get her to play with my play date friend's kids. They welcome her with open arms and are always excited to see her and they are really social and very good girls. They want to play with Pru but she just wont have it. How do I help her be more social?



#7 I have never thought of myself as a very smart person. I just feel like my confidence in myself is effecting the way I approaching teaching her things. I seriously get discouraged easily. I feel like I cant teach her cause I am not a good teacher. She speaks ok but I know she can speak better. How do I get her focused when I do sit down and try to really teach her things? What are some ideas for things like crafts I could do with her? How do I teach my daughter things? I know that this is a stupid question! Sorry!



So basically I need some people that I can talk to that can really help with some of the issues. I kinda let Prudy play me for a fool. I am kind of a push over. My husband and I try to fix these issues. We just need some good advice from people that truly understand.

I don't really know how I should punish Prudy in a way that is effective. She is a very smart girl. She is a wonderful Big Sister. She is really a good kid but I just dont understand the matter of some of the things I have tried. Wonder if it is my fault. She is my everything and so is my son. I want to be the best mom I can be.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Katherine - posted on 03/12/2012

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First potty training:



Is it time?



Potty-training success hinges on physical and emotional readiness, not a specific age. Many kids show interest in potty training by age 2, but others might not be ready until age 2 1/2 or even older — and there's no rush. If you start potty training too early, it might take longer to train your child.



Is your child ready? Ask yourself these questions:



Does your child seem interested in the potty chair or toilet, or in wearing underwear?

Can your child understand and follow basic directions?

Does your child tell you through words, facial expressions or posture when he or she needs to go?

Does your child stay dry for periods of two hours or longer during the day?

Does your child complain about wet or dirty diapers?

Can your child pull down his or her pants and pull them up again?

Can your child sit on and rise from a potty chair?



If you answered mostly yes, your child might be ready for potty training. If you answered mostly no, you might want to wait awhile — especially if your child has recently faced or is about to face a major change, such as a move or the arrival of a new sibling. A toddler who opposes potty training today might be open to the idea in a few months.



There's no need to postpone potty training if your child has a chronic medical condition but is able to use the toilet normally. Be aware that the process might take longer, however.

Ready, set, go!



When you decide it's time to begin potty training, set your child up for success. Start by maintaining a sense of humor and a positive attitude — and recruiting all of your child's caregivers to do the same. Then follow these practical steps.



Pull out the equipment

Place a potty chair in the bathroom. You might want to try a model with a removable top that can be placed directly on the toilet when your child is ready. Encourage your child to sit on the potty chair — with or without a diaper. Make sure your child's feet rest firmly on the floor or a stool. Help your child understand how to talk about the bathroom using simple, correct terms. You might dump the contents of a dirty diaper into the potty chair to show its purpose, or let your child see family members using the toilet.



Schedule potty breaks

If your child is interested, have him or her sit on the potty chair or toilet without a diaper for a few minutes several times a day. For boys, it's often best to master urination sitting down, and then move to standing up after bowel training is complete. Read a potty-training book or give your child a special toy to use while sitting on the potty chair or toilet. Stay with your child when he or she is in the bathroom. Even if your child simply sits there, offer praise for trying — and remind your child that he or she can try again later.



Get there — fast!

When you notice signs that your child might need to use the toilet — such as squirming, squatting or holding the genital area — respond quickly. Help your child become familiar with these signals, stop what he or she is doing and head to the toilet. Praise your child for telling you when he or she has to go. Teach girls to wipe carefully from front to back to prevent bringing germs from the rectum to the vagina or bladder. When it's time to flush, let your child do the honors. Make sure your child washes his or her hands after using the toilet.



Consider incentives

Some kids respond to stickers or stars on a chart. For others, trips to the park or extra bedtime stories are effective. Experiment to find what works best for your child. Reinforce your child's effort with verbal praise, such as, "How exciting! You're learning to use the toilet just like big kids do!" Be positive even if a trip to the toilet isn't successful.



Ditch the diapers

After several weeks of successful potty breaks, your child might be ready to trade diapers for training pants or regular underwear. Celebrate this transition. Go on a special outing. Let your child select "big kid" underwear. Call close friends or loved ones and let your child spread the news. Once your child is wearing training pants or regular underwear, avoid overalls, belts, leotards or other items that could hinder quick undressing.



Sleep soundly

Most children master daytime bladder control first, often

within about two to three months of consistent toilet training. Nap and nighttime training might take months — or years — longer. In the meantime, use disposable training pants or plastic mattress covers when your child sleeps.



Know when to call it quits

If your child resists using the potty chair or toilet or isn't getting the hang of it within a few weeks, take a break. Chances are he or she isn't ready yet. Try again in a few months.





Second: Pick your battles. Every 2 year old says NO! Every single one. Give choices. If she is doing something she is not supposed to be doing tell her we don't do that and if you do it again you will get a time out. Natural Consequence.



Third: Time outs. Hold her down gently. That's what I had to do with my girls. They have to start understanding at that age what a time out is. Ask her WHY she got the time out and give it IMMEDIATELY following the behavior.



Fourth: Cut the TV. It's too much stimulation and frankly she doesn't need it.



Fifth: Yes, they won't starve themselves and 2 year olds will have a few foods they really really like and stick to them. Just keep offering. Like your doctor said, don't force her.



Sixth: Try meetup.com or momsclub.org. The libraries sometimes have story times too.



Seventh: It's not a stupid question. Read to her a lot, do finger painting, play with play dough, talk walks, go to the park etc...Is it time?



You can make tie die butterflies using coffee filters and dipping them in Kool-Aid, or you can let them color them with markers and then dip them into a cup of water to let the color bleed."

--Tonya Younger of Raleigh NC



"Two's usually love to just paste bits of paper onto another sheet of paper. They like to use self-adhesive stickers and plaster those all over a piece of paper. They can paste cotton balls on a sheep picture to make a Christmas ornament."

--Barb



"My son loves to make crafts but it is difficult for him to do many different things. We use a lot of craft foam and glue. Sometimes I cut out specific patterns and he glues them together decorating them with stickers or markers and other times I give him children's scissors and he makes his own masterpiece with the foam and glue."

--Rachel, Lake Ariel, PA



"I let a two year old use fabric paints & her hands to make handprints and different designs on a T-shirt. She had a ball & was very proud to have designed her own shirt!"

--Anonymous



"Craft foam is wonderful for kids as little as two. When my younger daughter was two, we made pencil holders for her sisters. Each holder uses just one sheet. Cut two pencil shapes, the same size. I did the cutting, and she did the gluing (with help) and used stickers to decorate them with. She was so proud of herself. Her sisters still have the pouches, 3 years later. The materials are not too important with a two year old. They are happy with paper. The project just has to be simple enough for them to do. If the project is something for them to play with, small parts are not a good idea, i.e.-wiggle eyes. Have fun and be ready to admire where ever their creativity leads them."

--April, New York



"Ask your two year old to fingerpaint a picture -- with chocolate pudding!!! He(she) will enjoy cleaning up, too! He can lick his fingers clean! Let the painting dry and put it in a construction paper or other frame."

--D. J., Simi Valley, California



"Shaving cream just on the table is great finger paint that cleans up with towel only. Roll on deodorant bottles with liquid tempera paint makes a huge ballpoint pen. Just pop the ball out fill with paint and pop ball back in. Rice, oatmeal, beans or noodles in a dish pan is a great sensory experience let her use measuring cups, funnels, strainer, pastry brush etc. Good luck and stay calm it will clean up she is learning alot.

--Debby



"My son is one and he LOVES to have his hand traced, he likes finger paint in the bath tub, he likes to play with Kool-aid play dough and color with markers."

--Nichole, Bingham Canyon, Utah



"Take a clean, empty Pringle's can and put inside a sheet of white paper. Soak several marbles or 1" pieces of sponge in several colors of paint. Put the lid on and let the kids shake."

--Barbara, Woodbury, MN



"You can do just about anything. You might have to adjust it some but you would be surprised how much they already know."

--Anonymous



"Use juice can lids, stickers they can attach and add a small piece of magnet to the back for a special frig decoration they made themselves".

--Shirley, Ontario, Canada

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I have to give kudos to Katherine here also! She hit the nail on the head with each one. One thing I'd like to add is that I think you underestimate yourself. You say you've never thought of yourself as a smart person, but it takes a smart person to ask the right questions, which you have done. If you weren't smart, you wouldn't care enough to ask. You maybe just need to trust your instincts a little more. Also, I wanted to add that, since you seem up to trying new methods....you said something about her being around other kids, pushing them away physically, smacks them in the head. This is all learned behavior. My son is as strong willed as your daughter sounds. I used to spank. I stopped when he was 2 (he's 4 now). I started getting down on his level, literally on my knees, looking him in the eye, asking him to use his words, tell me what he wants to do, have, say, whatever. I think kids that age get really frustrated because some (like my son) don't speak well or if they do, they still don't COMMUNICATE well sometimes. Once they feel actually, without question HEARD, they feel validated. Like, when I stopped spanking, my son would go into a fit over something.

Jacob, crying: Mommyyyyy, I want a cooookieeeeeee! (insert laying on the floor kicking and screaming to prove his point)

Me, down on the floor with him, sometimes lying right next to him, finding eye contact: You want a cookie? Ok, I understand, but dinner is in half an hour. We'll have a cookie AFTER we eat, ok? How does that sound?



Nine times out of ten, it works. I know the videos and books make the whole parenting process seem corny as hell. And really, it is. You have to be willing to be your goofiest self, to do things like lay on the floor with your screaming child, show him/her what a tantrum looks like so they can see how silly it is.



Just take things one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Don't forget to breathe and don't ever stop asking the questions that you need to ask. And also, remember that what you learn from your daughter may go completely out the window when your younger one gets bigger. Just when you think you know the "rules"......BLAMO they switch it up on you!



One other thing, you'll get amazing advice on this site but you may come accross judgemental biotches as well. Take everything with a grain of salt, and remember that at one point in time, we were all new at this, and none of us are better than the other. ♥

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You've already got fantastic advice from all the ladies so I'm probably going to repeat some of what's been said but here goes...



1- she just may not be ready many children are not ready at 2. Keep the potty out, let her see you using the toilet, let her get used to it being a normal thing, talk to her about what you're doing on the toilet (mommy needs a wee, mommy is going to go to the toilet, mommy has to take her pants and trousers etc) so she can begin to understand the process. Then gradually begin asking her if she would like to sit on the potty or toilet like mommy does, at this stage it doesn't matter if she uses it, it's about getting her used to it so it's a normal thing. When she does use the potty give her lots of praise oh wow look what a big girl you are, but don't push her to use it yet, if she doesn't want to she doesn't want to (it's a false economy to push it, she will not be trained until she's ready).



We did naked training with my son so while he was at home he was naked, he struggled to move into pants but we started by letting him wear pants while at home, once he'd had a dry week at home we started letting him wear them all the time, at first we had an accident a day. We seem to be getting there now we have maybe an accident a week. For us it's been a slow process which has taken a good 6 months but it has all been led by my son, we haven't forced anything and tbh I've found it pretty painless, unlike the moms I know who tried to force it they were stressed out wrecks.



2- Stop smacking, it isn't a fair consequence for your child saying no to you. Which all toddlers do, it's norma, because they begin to realise they have a little control over their life. Try giving options so no isn't a choice...do you want the red one or the yellow one? Do you want sausages or fish? Do you want juice or milk? If she says no just calmly tell her they are her choices she can choose or you will do it for her, her choice.



If she yells at you whilst discipling, again calmly tell her we do not shout, it isn't nice and continue with the discipline you are giving her. Show her the behaviour you expect so don't shout at her (I know it's not easy).



3- my son didn't 'get' time outs until he was past 2 yo, then all of a sudden he started understanding he had to stay there. But when he didn't stay I just kept putting him back, until he stayed we had days where he would leave every 10 seconds and other days he'd stay for his full time. But consistency is the key.



4- stop with the tv, it is over stimulating her and is making everything worse. Try to get a good bedtime routine in place, bath story bed kind of thing. But don't expect it to come over night, keep placing her back into bed until she stays. I like super nanny's approach for this (with older children). First time tell her it's bedtime honey and take her back to bed, second time tell her it's bedtime! Third time (and any other times after) just take her by the hand and take her back to bed without speaking repeat until she stays in bed. You'll find it incredibly difficult for the first couple of days but after she sees you mean it and she has to go to bed (the consistency) it will get easier and easier.



5- she will not starve herself, I agree with your doctor don't force her. Give her options (like described above) so she feels she had a choice, I also always try to put at least one thing I know my kids like on their plates, if they don't eat that they just probably aren't hungry. Also you could get her involved in helping to make the dinner, often children are more likely to eat something they made themselves, things as simple as spreading butter or jam on their bread are a big deal to them. Make a healthy homemade pizza or get her to pass you the ingredients for whatever you're making.



6- again I'd advice that you stop smacking her so she can see it isn't a fun game, the way you describe smacking her hands seems to me as though she is thinking it's a game.



As for the socialising my son has only recently started playing with other children (he's 27 months), just provide the opportunities, with play dates etc and you'll find naturally the children will begin to play together. You can always join in and guide joint play as well, ok who's going to be the doctor and who's the patient, ok now it's time to swap over x you be doctor y you be patient etc.



7- there's no such thing as a stupid question, if you don't know you need to ask otherwise how can you grow as a person and a mother. We've all been in your situation feeling like we are rubbish and need guidance, any mum who says she's never had to ask for advice is lying or is a horrible mother because nobody has all the answers, it takes a village to raise children!

Raylene - posted on 03/12/2012

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discipline is a must in young children so it is important to have an area or mat for time out. when introducing the new area explain what it is for and that she will be put there for behaviour you consider unacceptable (make sure you give her an example of a typical behaviour so she understands). Make sure your husband also follows the same strategy as you so it can be effective and most importantly BE CONSISTENT or it won't work! When the time comes for you to use the TIME OUT area, (1) place her there CALMLY and explain to her SIMPLY why she is being put in time out. (2) tell her she has to stay for 2 minutes (cos that's how old she is, 1 min for every year she is) then you will come and get her. (3) WALK away and don't stand over her like a guard, go about and do your jobs, but be aware if she has left the area. (4) if she does happen to come out place her back and do this everytime she comes out, without saying anything or giving any eye contact until she has done her 2 minutes. Don't show any emotion of you being upset or annoyed by her doing what she is doing, and believe me it will take a couple of days to sink in and you're probably going to feel like giving up DON'T you will succeed! (5) after she has managed to stay there for the WHOLE 2 mins and I mean Whole 2 mins (nothing less is acceptable be consistent) go and get her and ask her does she remember why mummy put her in timeout? explain to her again (simply) and why you don't like this behaviour. ask her for an apology and once she has said 'sorry' give her a big kiss and cuddle & tell her you love her. All done & dusted with that situation don't dwell or remind her of it later move on.

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Sarah - posted on 03/13/2012

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Christi, first of all, I'd like to say that I admire that you recognize your faults and are asking for advice and are willing to learn. I have an extremely strong willed 3 1/2 year old and a 19 month old. Here is my advice:



1. Potty training - it is not something that can be forced. It also has nothing to do with the parents readiness, it has to do with the child's readiness. Having said that, there are different kinds of readiness, physical (can they recognize they need to go and hold it?), emotional, and social. This comes at different ages for every child. Some kids are ready at 2, but most aren't. On average girls potty train between 2 1/2 - 3 years old and boys 3 1/2 - 4. Let her come in the potty with you, see you do your business, have her potty on the floor. Let her sit, ask her if she wants to. Don't force her because it can give her issues later on. When she gets ready to go, she'll let you know. Then offer her a small reward for using the potty (a candy, or a small toy). What worked well for us was when my son misbehaved we would take toys away and put them in a bag. When he went potty he could earn them back.



2. Get yourself a book on child development and read through it (I'm not saying this in a mean way, just think you need to get some understanding on what is normal behaviour for a toddler. There is a reason why they call it the terrible twos and tyrannical threes (three is far worse). At this age, they are testing the waters and seeing what they can and can't get away with. This is when you need to be consistent and relentless with your discipline. She likely won't understand time out at first, but if she gets out, you just keep putting her back in. Essentially you need to show her that your will is stronger. This may take an hour or more the first time. You also have to find a punishment for her hitting you. It's confusing to her that you are telling her not to hit you, then you hit her to get your point across. She won't understand that if you can do it why can't she. This is also likely why she's hitting other kids.



#3 - I'm personally not a huge fan of TVs in bedrooms. If they're in there, the things that SHOULD be happening in bedrooms (sleep and sex) don't happen. Take the TV out. Get a really good bedtime routine: bath, jammies, brush teeth, story, song, bed. Lights out (night light if needed). If she's being stimulated by the TV she isn't going to fall asleep as she should, but only when she's so exhausted that she can't stay awake. At this age, she should be going to bed around 7pm (or earlier). Kids who get more sleep are not as difficult to deal with (trust me, if my boy has a bad night, he's a bear the next day). Do this routine consistently. She'll fight you at first, but eventually she'll learn to fall asleep on her own.



#4 - Don't stress about her eating. Also, don't let her dictate what you make for meals. Your responsibility is to offer her healthy meals in a non-stressful environment at regular times. Her responsibility is to choose what and how much of that she will eat. No normal child (one without a medical or emotional/mental health issue) will starve themselves at that age. She may go 2-3 days without eating much then gorge for a week. This is normal eating behaviours for a toddler. If you allow her to dictate what you cook based on what you think she'll eat, then you are letting her know she runs the show,



#5 - It is normal toddler behaviour to do what is called "Parallel Play." Toddlers do not play together (in general). They will play with toys beside each other, but not generally with the same toy together. This doesn't come until later (4-5 years old). Don't try to push her into playing with the other kids, allow her the freedom to play how she feels comfortable.



#6 - As far as teaching and crafts, make things fun! Play doh, colouring, finger paints, food play. She's a little young for anything other than that. Remember this - she is learning EVERYTHING from you at this point. This is the most crucial stage of life in forming who they will be as adults. She sees how you cope with stress, your self-esteem, how you approach others. If you recognize you have some areas to learn and grow, you need to work on those areas.



Being a parent is so hard! It is tiring when you have a toddler who won't listen and behave. I understand. BUT, you also need to remember to be consistent with how you do everything. Young kids thrive in structure and routine. It helps them to feel secure in their world. When they know what to expect and what is expected of them they become much more easy to manage and discipline. Have you and your husband sit down and write out some rules and discipline that you will both follow. And remember to follow through, because if you don't, she'll learn that if she just pushes a bit further she'll get her way. It's not too late to turn things around. Good luck!

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That's good, make sure to tell her she's a good big sister and why (if she's just done something nice, ie my son cleans my daughters chin if she's sick and I don't notice or can't see her face).

Christi - posted on 03/13/2012

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Oh my.....I do get what all of you lovely ladies have to say. Thank you so much. This website is wonderful. I can get honest opinions on the way I am trying to raise my 2 year old daughter and I'm sorry i forgot to mention. My 4 month old's name is Shawn. Prudy is such a good big sister.

Jenni - posted on 03/13/2012

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I also want to add "redirection" as another helpful discipline tool for this age. This is not to be confused with distraction which is generally used for infants.



Redirection is basically showing her what she can do instead of a negative behaviour. An example would be:



She's jumping on the couch.



You say: "The couch isn't for jumping on, it's for sitting on our bums. We might break the couch if we jump on it or fall down and get hurt." Then redirect, find something she can do that satisfies her desire to jump. Maybe jumping on the floor with her or if you don't mind, taking a cushion off the couch for her to jump on.

Jenni - posted on 03/13/2012

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Oh boy! Lot's of questions. First of all, deep breaths! This does not mean you're taking the wrong direction in parenting. It just means your daughter has hit the 2 year mark. These are all very typical struggles of the 2 year old. It is an age of independence and an age for you to establish boundaries.



1. I agree with the other ladies in that she's not quite ready for potty training. Anytime my son became negative about training we took a break for a few weeks or even a month or two. There is no point in training her if she's negative about it because it will only intensify power struggles. Keep encouraging her to try, by all means. But don't push the issue. When my son was positive about it, we did naked PTing (after he learned how to pee on the potty). If he got frustrated or negative we took a break. Rewards are never a bad idea. I never used them with my son, but some children need the extra encouragement.



2. It's ok for her to say No. In certain circumstances. But of course there are issues not up for debate. If you want her to do something... say get dressed. Tell her it's time to get dressed. That's not up for debate. But give her a choice in what she wears. Would you like your blue shirt or the green one? This gives her a choice and satisfies her need for independence in a healthy way. Phrase things as what she *can* do, instead of what she *shouldn't* do. And reserve "NO!" for issues of saftey. Try 1, 2, 3 for listening (reserve it for when listening is imperative).



She's ripping a book. You say:



Prudy, please stop ripping your book. That's 1.



Prudy: NO!



Prudy, if you don't play nice with your book I will have to take it off you, That's 2.



Prudy: NO!



Prudy, ok. You didn't listen so I am now going to remove the book, That's 3.



Remove the book quietly.



3. Stop the smacking. It's not working for your daughter. I generally only use timeouts for hitting, toy throwing, tantrums, biting. Any negative behaviour out of anger or frustration. I bring my child to a quiet spot and sit with them. While helping them vent their anger in an appropriate way. Like squeezing a stuffed animal, doing jumping jacks with them, counting, deep breathing, stomping it out (just some ideas you could try). When they are calm we discuss and I encourage them to walk away the next time they feel angry. "Don't hit, it hurts! Walk away when you feel mad." It does require a lot of repetition and modelling timeouts yourself (take your own so she can see how they're done). But the goal is for her to eventually learn to take her own timeouts before reacting negatively.



The rest of the time. You can use natural/logical consequences. Or consequences that directly fit the crime. She makes a mess, she cleans it up (of course you can help age appropriately). She isn't playing nice with a toy, it gets taken away.



4. Turn off the TV!!! :) It's just keeping her awake. Remove it from her room. IMO, she's far too young to have a tv in her room. Read a story to her instead. Develop a night time routine that involves winding down. If she gets out of bed, lead her back quietly. Stay consistent and don't give into any demands. My son always fought bedtime, but as long as you're consistent... with age and maturity they do improve. He's 3.5 and pretty good about it now. He looks forward to story time. After we read it, I give him the book to read quietly with his night light.



5. It's normal for toddlers to only eat a few favoured foods. Or one favoured food for an entire week. Or love PB&J one day and hate it the next. Don't push or you will find yourself in a power struggle that will never end! Just keep offering her new foods to try. If she tries them great! Tell her you're impressed with her! If she doesn't, ignore it. She'll get there eventually. Ben was super picky at that age, but his tastes are expanding. He refused meat; chicken, fish, turkey and now he loves turkey and chicken! Along with many other foods he use to snub. I remember there were still foods as a teenager I refused. But now I'm not so picky. The journey to developing a taste for a wide variety of foods is a long one!



6. This is normal for 2 year olds. They are still very me-centric and not quite at the age where they see other children as playmates. Just keep bringing her into social situations with other children. She'll get there. My youngest is the only one of my 3 children that is actually interested in other children at that age. My other two weren't interested in other children until around 3 years. If she hits or any of that. Immediate removal to time out.



7. I felt exactly the same way when I hit the 2 year phase with my middle child. He is a handful, and very strong-willed. But now that I'm in the 3 year phase (almost 4) my confidence as a parent has grown. They throw us through loops at that age!!! And in all honesty, I didn't start seeing results of my discipline until 3 years. So I felt at times I was doing it all wrong. :( But she'll get there with love, respectful discipline, consistency, involvement and follow through. I also find plenty of discussions about good and bad behaviour during times she isn't acting out is very helpful. I liked when you did this today! That wasn't very nice when you hit so and so today. You should walk away next time you get mad. If you're going out in public; shopping or a play place. Always remind her of 3 important rules before entering the place so she knows ahead of time what will be expected of her. If she acts out in public you can implement 1, 2, 3. On 3 you leave. You may have to do this a few times, and he may be harder on you at first than her. But she will get the picture. If she doesn't listen, she has to leave and go home. You could use number 2 as a quick timeout outside the location (like at the grocery store) remove her for a few minutes outside the store and talk to her about her behaviour. And what will happen if she gets a 3. We will leave. I find it's helpful to do practice runs at places that are less harder on you to leave. Like the park, or a play place. And try to make sure you're concentrating on her good behaviour, more than chastising her negative behaviour. Be more encouraging than you are critical.



I hope you find some of these suggestions helpful.

Louise - posted on 03/13/2012

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There are so many issues here to be addressed!



First if your daughter is showing no signs of potty training i.e long periods of time with a dry nappy or not liking being dirty in her nappy or trying to take it off. Then there is absolutely no point in forceing her to go to the toilet she is not ready.



Another issue that jumped out at me was take the tv out of your daughters room. This is a really bad habit to get into and it can be stopped now. Set up a bedtime routine of bath story bed, lights out sleep. No tv!



Also time out can be achieved very easily at this age by placing her in a play pen for two minutes. This way she can scream and shout as much as she likes she can not get out. It is very very important that you tell her why she is in there and that you end the time out with a hug.



At two years old your daughter will not play with other children she will parallel play. That means do her own thing around them. Playing together does not really come in until she is about 3-3.5 years old.



I think you are expecting far to much from this little person that has only been on the planet for 24 months! Take a step back and look at the situation properly. If you are still struggling then borrow a book from the library or join a mums and tots group and talk to other mums who have children the same age.

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Everyone's given great advice and I would second them! The only thing that hasn't been touched on really is #6. Developmentally, many 2 year olds don't play WITH other kids. They will play NEAR other kids. I was concerned about this when my eldest (now 5) did the same thing. It seemed like he would prefer to be on his own rather than play with the kids around him. I was told by a few professionals that it is perfectly normal for kids this age to play like that. It isn't until they get a bit older that they start playing together. So don't worry about it. It will change soon enough.



Also, with regard to #4, take the tv OUT. There is no need for her to be that stimulated at night. It is totally counter productive, or at the very least developing a HUGE bad habit. No child needs a tv in his/her room, because it causes nothing but distraction. 10-11pm is far too late for a 2 year old to be awake, unless she is sleeping until midday. Now, think about when she starts school... is getting up in the middle of the day going to work? Nope. Set yourself up now for the time when she is needing to get up at a specific time for school. If she is not getting enough sleep, that will affect her ability to learn (not to mention make for a very grumpy child!).



Set up a bedtime routine. Kids need a set routine so that they know what is happening and will happen. A common routine is to have dinner, a bath, quiet play for a short while and then bed. Reading during "quiet play" time is a great way to wind down.



#5 It doesn't seem like they eat, does it? Kids this age will eat enough... don't worry that they will starve themselves and do NOT force feed or demand a clean plate. Both of those things can cause huge problems in the long term (I'm a testament to that with a lifetime of weight struggles). Rest assured your daughter won't starve herself and she will eat when she is hungry. Just make sure there are plenty of healthy food options for her to choose from.



#1 She may not be ready yet. All you can do is introduce her to the idea of sitting on the potty at regular intervals and see if she'll use it. If you really want to give it a shot, then you have to ditch the diapers and take her to the toilet about every 1/2 hour to start. When she does do something, even if it's just sitting on the potty (if she's not even doing that at this stage), make sure you make a huge deal out of it. What helped motivate my boys was getting mummy to act like an idiot. Honestly, every time they would use the toilet, I would make an enormous deal out of it by dancing and singing (I made up silly songs on the spot) and flailing around... if you saw me out the window, you'd think I'd totally lost my mind or was having a seizure. Another thing I used was a reward chart. Every time my son used the toilet, flushed and washed hands he would get a sticker to put on his chart. After every 5 stickers, he would get to choose a small prize out of a box he had decorated when we decided to toilet train. Most of the items were Matchbox cars individually wrapped, but he thought it was like Christmas. After every 10 stickers, he got a bigger prize. Once he got the hang of it, I moved the goal to every 10 trips was a small prize and every 20 was a bigger prize (I also upped the ante, a big prize became something like a trip to the beach or he and I would go out to lunch and he could choose whatever he wanted).



I can understand how you feel, because I was in that very spot not all that long ago. Don't worry too much about "teaching" her things in the traditional sense, but just DO stuff with her. Katherine's given heaps of great ideas... but even if you just read books with her, that will help instill a love of reading, develop her imagination and even teach her the alphabet. Just try to think of what you liked to do as a kid, and do those things with her.... and try not to stress. (which is saying something coming from a stresshead!)

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Katherine has given some great advice. I just wanted to say... Hang in there!! Two year olds are very stubborn creatures, but w/ firm, yet gentle, consistency... they eventually out grow it and grow into a different crazy stage. ;)

Raylene - posted on 03/12/2012

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Hi Christi seems like you r havin a pretty rough time, so I hope I can be of some help to you with some of your questions. potty training: what I did with both my girls was, I just had a normal potty that I put out wherever she was playing (sorry my kids 4 yrs apart) and explained to her the potty is there if you need to go for a wee wee or poos, I then let her go around without no underwear on for a few hours. every 10 mins or so I would ask does she need to go to for a wee or poo? make it fun and don't stress as she will sense this. I also used to get a choc freddo frog (as an incentive) and cut it up into 10 small pieces and that was a reward if she tried to use the potty, don't worry at 1st if she doesn't actually use the potty the idea is to get her to just be comfortable sitting on it and when she does give her lots of verbal praise aswell as clapping your hands, hugs & kisses then give her just 1 of the little choc pieces and explain to her that the choc pieces will be her special treat for trying to use the potty. Once she is comfortable just sitting on the potty with no nickers and she's just wanting the chocky up the anti and say to her that it will be a chocky and a special sticker if she actually does a wee or a poo, don't forget if she does try and get to the potty and has a little accident on the way and you can see she was trying to make it in time give her lots of praise for making the effort to go on the potty and explain to her its ok to have little accidents but the important thing was "she had a go" and thats what big girls do!! Don't be upset with the accident you're trying to boost her confidence so she will attempt it again. Make a time everyday when you leave her without any nickers on so she has the opportunity to have a go and leave the potty in the same room as her for quick and easy access. This will not happen overnight but you should start to see some results within a few days or so. goodluck

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