Ok so i have middle school drama now. Ugh! Caitlyn and Maddie are both on the cheer team. Yay so proud of them! But there are problems. Maddie is a great tumble and she made captain. Caitlyn is a good tumble to but she real good with her cheers. The couch was nice and let them tryout and then they made it. Because of those reasons the girls on the team pick on the twins. And they know it i know it and even the couch came up to me and said she knows it. The girls give the twins crap, talk behind there back, say mean things to them, they be rude to them,and they are just snotty brats. Even there mothers are the same! I talk to the couch and some girls go in trouble. I mean big trouble. After that they still did the same things to the twins but worse. I have Maddie in tears because she done nothing wrong and the poor girl wants it to stop. She loves to cheer she doing dance and cheer this year. Then i have Caitlyn who is in tears to and Lexi been a wonderful big sister and has been trying to get it off there minds. But there in tears now because Caitlyn found a note in her cheer bag from a girl on the team and it said: Your a dumb hore who can't cheer and i wish who go back to Texas were no one are about you ~ cheerleader. What should i do this is getting out of control!!!!!

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Jodi - posted on 10/28/2012

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I actually gave up trying to decipher through the errors, which is why I don't have a real response. If such a long post was written in nice neat paragraphs and grammatically and typographically correct it would be so much easier to help.

Jodi - posted on 10/28/2012

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It doesn't matter what kind of teacher you are, all teachers should be teachers of reading, grammar and spelling. Being a science teacher is not an excuse. And I kind of agree, your post is riddled with errors that aren't typing errors. I'm glad you aren't teaching my children.

Bobbie - posted on 10/28/2012

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Mother to a cheerleader Lesson #1,

There is no reason to fall into their trap. They want to drag you down to their level. They are mean spirited at that age and their feelings feel slighted for any number of reasonable thoughts of what is fair for both them and anyone they call friend. To call out their behavior and point a finger at them is war!

Lesson #2

When any girl makes captain she better be extremely thick skinned and ready to focus on the position awarded to her. She needs the ability to focus on her full team. Having a twin is going to be very hard on her. Everyone who isn't her twin sister is going to feel automatically not treated fairly when she chooses her sister. AND her sister is going to feel hurt everytime she tries her very best and isn't picked to do an important role by her sister. IF both of them stick together with the team captain saying things like "if you are against one of us you are against both of us" guess what? yep, they will choose to be against both of them.

You captain daughter needs clear guidelines to what her role is and where she can cross the line into siding with her sister and more importantly where she WON'T. For example. Her team needs to know, not hear it, but walk the walk, that she is going to be fair to all of them. When they are in that group she is a captain, not a twin. Her sister has to hold her own and not turn to her sister for support. She needs to stand on her own in every way, emotionally, and with her talent. When the team realizes the team comes first to both of your girls they will fall in line.

Lesson #3

Use of harsh words against those in their competitive group isn't personal ~ at first. They are thinning out the weak from the strong. This is a competition of more than skills. This is school hyarchy in the pecking order socially. There a no bad guys, no snotty brats, and you should not fall into Lesson #1 and refer to any of your daughter's team mates with such names to anyone! To do so puts you down a their level and keeps you on their radar as the enemy. Everyone on that team are simply young girls with hurt feelings that are trying to strike back at who they see as being the source of their unhappiness or the unhappiness of their friend who worked just as hard as your girls did but didn't make the team. Or their friend who is crushed and having emotional breakdowns because they wanted to be captain more than anything in the world. So who do you think will get the brunt of all those emotions? yep, the captain, whoever she may be AND the sister who they can wrongly think had been given some added pull by the captain to get her on the team as well. These girls think with their hearts, their hormones and not many thought patterns or reasons will make sense to adults. We need to stay out of the fray, stay above the fray and let the level headed, strong leader with thick skin show them how to properly act with each other. She is setting examples to them with every thing she does both in and out of the team gatherings.

Lesson #4

Your daughter needs to find strength in the knowledge that any written words are just someone's opinion, not a fact. Your job is to NOT REACT to such words with the anger, upset and other emotions the person writing them hoped for. But rather to GUIDE YOUR DAUGHTER TO TEACH HER TO DEPEND ON HERSELF AND BE ABLE TO WORK THROUGH HER EMOTIONS BEFORE OTHERS WITNESS NEGATIVE AFFECTS IT HAD ON HER. When she brings things such as the note to your attention say calmly to your daughter, "Well, this person seems to have the wrong opinion of you doesn't she. What do you think she wants to get out of giving you this?" Then make your daughter have a conversation with you on just what the other girl was thinking or feeling when she left the note. You will find your daughter talking through it in a pragmatic way whether than relating to it with her emotions will give her the skills she needs to analysis other comments or remarks made with an air of seeming confidence. You will be teaching her to read the other persons motives and feelings which go a long way in dealing with this person day in and day out. When the girl tries to hurt her with words they won't have the same effect on your daughter.

~ make your daughters accountable for their own place in the squad they have earned

~to continue to be respectful and open to all girls on the team

~ actively participate that day as if nothing is different regardless of any silly comments directed at them, or said under someone's breath or even if a mean note is found. When they show the others on the team what they are made of and that they will not tolerate being bullied by standing up to the verbal words with comments like "Say what you want, it isn't true and so it can't bother me can it?" And standing up to the written word by leaving it out on the bench or throwing it away in a trash can where a few squad members can see and saying lightheartedly, "found a note that someone put in my bag by mistake".

When others see their strength, their dedication to cheer and their mother showing them that she is there for the team, all of them, they will flourish



P.S.

When you wish to post again please only put a sentence of what the post is about in the first box. Then tab down to the second box for unlimited space to enter all the information and facts, Okay? This makes reading it so much easier than all strong black bold meant to be the heading only :)

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/28/2012

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Ok. I am so sorry to do this cause I never correct people, but it is "coach" not "couch". If the coach is not doing something about this blatant bullying, bring it to the principals attention. I am surprised they don't have a policy concerning no tolerance for bullying. They must deal with this asap. Keep your girls spirits high. most bullies bully because they are jealous.

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Madison - posted on 02/06/2013

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Tell the girls to be strong and not to cry, that the girls are just jealous because your kids better than them

Puliti - posted on 02/04/2013

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First of all, congratulations to your girls! My step daughter just made the cheerleading team as well :) Now, I would definitely enlighten the principal to what's going on since this has been an ongoing issue. You should also take heed to what some of the other moms are saying and make sure you are keeping your reaction in check. The point is to be proactive instead of reactive and keep you and your daughters from stooping to this "mean girl" behavior.

Turn the focus back to your girls. Make it clear repeatedly that you are proud of their big accomplishment as well as they should be, go to all their events of course and keep them in high spirits. Unfortunately, girls can be very catty and petty at that age and it is most likely because they are jealous. Keep in contact with the coach and principal (best to sit down with both if possible) about this issue and have your girls keep any further notes, threats, etc. they receive to give to the principal or coach. It may get to the point that you will need proof and it'll help weed out the bad eggs so to speak. Perhaps it is just a few of the girls that are acting this way.

Good luck to you and your girls with this. I know it is tough and painful to see your girls go through this but they need you as the adult to be strong and proactive in this if anything is to change. You ladies keep your heads up! :)

Jennifer - posted on 02/04/2013

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I hate bullies! Kids are mean...period. Even my own have shamefully picked on others, but is not tolerated by myself or my spouse and have been made to apologize and receive discipline at home. Most of those mean kids are taught by parents who they themselves are mean spirited. The advice I would give your girls is when people are jealous of their accomplishments, they say and do mean things because of that insecurity. Tell them to take it with pride, and keep their chin up as the "haters" spew out venom when they can't achieve at their level and to use their horrible words as motivation to achieve even greater levels. Report this behavior as well with their coaches/instructors, am pretty sure it will not be tolerated. xxx

Madison - posted on 02/04/2013

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Tell the girls to be strong and not to cry, that the girls are just jealous because your kids better than them

Dove - posted on 10/29/2012

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So then why don't you offer advice instead of bitching at people for not understanding the woman? Your posting is just as pointless and unhelpful..... ;) lol

Ariana - posted on 10/29/2012

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I was able to read it just fine. There have been people on here that you can't even figure out what the question is. This is not one of those questions. You CAN read it you just decide not to. I'm pretty sure you're all intelligent enough to figure it out.

Bobbie - posted on 10/29/2012

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@Ariana~ I had a great deal of difficulty just reading the question. That is the point

Dove - posted on 10/28/2012

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No kidding! I didn't respond the first time I read this cuz I have no idea what the heck she even said.....

Ariana - posted on 10/28/2012

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Wow who brought in the grammar police?? This is a moms forum asking for advice, not a essay paper. Stay on topic people!

Dove - posted on 10/28/2012

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How the heck do you mistype couch for coach EVERY single time? I could see maybe once, but... three? Those aren't typos.....

Megan - posted on 10/28/2012

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Yes I am a teacher, I'm a science teacher and sometimes when I write I can be a little bit mad so I write really fast and just don't look at anything.

Bobbie - posted on 10/28/2012

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just read Little Miss can't be wrong" comment and I feel better because I was so freaked out by your spelling, lack of sentence structure and capitalization of the pronoun I.

Are you seriously a teacher?

It is THEIR (showing ownership) not THERE

They ARE rude to them ~ you wrote~ they BE rude to them

in tears because she HAS done nothing wrong ~you wrote~ she done nothing wrong

You're ~not~ Your

whore ~not~ hore

back to Texas where ~not~ who go back to Texas were



I write all of this out to show you where your focus is in this issue. Emotions!!!

I think I can see where your emotions have run away with your thoughts and your ability to write it down and feel it at the same time. Chances are this reactive and dramatic feel to the issue is making it a lot worse and not helping you or your girls cause.

I hope my response below helps a lot. Please try to keep your emotions in check, especially in your facial features and body language when around the girls and their mothers. My instinct tell me that you are not reacting wisely or at an adult level and it is making them regard you as reactive.

Megan - posted on 10/28/2012

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I am so sorry i sometimes just type so fast i don't see what i mis -spell. I so hate when i do that!!!! But i never been to a school like this one and i'm a teacher. The principal here isn't the one in Texas bc here she tough and in Texas the principal was nice and she would get on things asap. But here it seems like a process and to me they should get on it not be police and you know.

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