ok to leave an 8wk old bf baby at home for a wedding?

Ossie - posted on 08/27/2012

It probably listed her and an guest, a guest could be anybody. If they were supposedly BF's, she could have called and said make sure she has a baby sitter ahead of time and maybe just maybe the mother could have pumped enough milk and frozen it.

Candice - posted on 08/27/2012

just go to the reception then. that's what i would do.

Karen - posted on 08/27/2012

If the children's names were not on the invitation, they were not invited. End of story. I wouldn't have asked her if it was ok to bring my child if the child's name wasn't on the invitation. That is just common sense and good manners to not ask and put her on the spot. Don't be offended. A crying baby would not be welcome during the wedding service or ceremony. They obviously don't want to risk that kind of distraction during the ceremony which is WHY she said you could bring the baby to the reception. Good grief folks! Babies aren't always invited to events.

Helén - posted on 08/27/2012

I would like to say I've heard a lot about the bride and her wishes, there are 2 people getting married, the bridegroom has a view too.

Some have said they want a stress fee child free without responsibilities enjoyable day.

Well I would not be stress free as I would be worried about my child all evening, equally I would not enjoy myself without my whole family unit present.

My last point is that dreadful episode where that child went missing, ( yes we all know what I am talking about here ) while a group of parents enjoyed a child free evening!! well in the same country, people of that nationality go out and take their children with them in the evening too !! late at night < shock , horror > the whole precept being .. that adults can go enjoy themselves WITH their children.

Like I mentioned before , culturally I am not used to this no children issue as like the majority of the world, families come as a unit, and respect is given to the situation and a caring bride and bridegroom to be would sort out a children's room or such similar for little ones or offer a a reception only option etc ... And mum and dad both enjoy the wedding taking it in turns to mind their offspring .

The whole issue is that this Bride has not shown any compassion or caring or indeed any morality towards parents. Well what goes around comes around.

Gwen - posted on 08/27/2012

Wow. Such selfish comments. I have 2 kids and understand both sides. But this is not your day. It's the brides. If you aren't comfortable, don't go and your friend will understand. If you want to go, leave the kids. If she wants and adult only function that is her right. If you refuse to go anywhere without your kids, thats your right. Stay home. And as wonderful as your baby may be, babies can get fussy out of the blue, so she's planned ahead. Selfishness. OMG. Let this woman at least attempt to have the wedding she envisioned.

Niamh - posted on 08/27/2012

Why not just go to the afters of the wedding for a couple of hours. bring the lil one and get a few photos with the happy couple. im sure you need a lil change of scene and both you and your friend will be happy. she gets to see her friend on her special day and your baby won't be upset from the change of feeding routine. it will make things far easier for you, then trying to express enough for before and all day. And if you feel like its to far. just stay over in the hotel. im sure you were going to anyway. win-win have a good time!

Diane - posted on 08/27/2012

NO!!!

Tammy - posted on 08/27/2012

I too would be offended!

I never go anywhere that won't allow me to bring my daughter. She is 4 now and I have had this policy since she was born.

Stick to your guns and tell your so called "good friend" that you are a family (regardless if your daughter is a newborn or not) and families go together. Period.

Mommy - posted on 08/27/2012

I wouldn't be offended. It is her day, and I know at mine I didn't want children other than my nieces/nephew there. I think the only thing that would upset me would be if she was angry with you for not going if you can't bring your daughter, but I am not getting that from the original post. I am invited to an engagement party for someone I consider a brother, and my baby will only be three weeks old by then. If it was far away and I wasn't able to pump enough for the few hours I was gone, and he didn't want me to bring my son, I would decline. He and his family would understand.

Shirley - posted on 08/27/2012

First, the wedding is not all about family, it is about the union of a man and a woman...it is all about the couple! Mainly it is all about the BRIDE AND HER WISHES!

Second, if you want a family day it is called a family reunion, or a family picnic. Birthdays are a great time to celebrate and have all the children present. My husband and I have always been available to keep our grandchildren whenever needed so that our daughters could have a "break" and some adult time with their husband. When we were young and had small children our parents did the same for us. We have kept our grandchildren for the weekend. I guess that our children are just more fortunate than you are. And my children and grandchildren are well behaved, but like all children they can be mischievous at times....so don't tell me that yours aren't!

Meghan - posted on 08/27/2012

skip the ceremony and just go to the reception

Laura - posted on 08/27/2012

if it damages the friendship.....she wasnt your friend to start off with.

Paula - posted on 08/27/2012

Shirley, most 8 week olds r quite easy going. It seems strange to me that you love children soo much but would not respect the infant-mother bond.



I believe weddings r about family. We wEre all children once, why not teach them young how to behave in public.



I know for my parents as young grandparents 10+ hours with a 3 yo and a newborn they would never have done it. In-laws either. Infact I still can't leave our oldest with special needs with them. And she is ambulatory, toilet trained and speaks.



The best wedding I've been to had children at them. My sister-in-law still talks about my sons cute behaviour on their wedding video!

Jillian - posted on 08/27/2012

i honestly think your friend is ridiculous and that she shldve never told you, cldnt bring that young of a baby with you. She will understand that someday too but unfortunately u did the right thing and it stinks that you wont be there to actually see it all happen but just remember you are doing the right thing and the best thing for you and your baby. Good luck to you and if she doesnt respond back to you honestly she must not of been that great of a friend in the first place i would say.

Shirley - posted on 08/27/2012

I have read most of the posts and first let me say that 2 month old babies don't "sleep" most of the time. And they can get fussy at times. And next for Paula M.-leaving the infant with her grandparents should not be "too much" for the grandparents unless they are in bad health or really old! My husband and I took care of our twin grandsons for our daughter when she returned to work for the first year of their life! We still have them on days that their day care is closed or they are sick (if she has to work) they are now 4 yrs old! I would never take an infant to a wedding, they can get very fussy...babies tend to get gassy (colic), at 2-3 months they can start teething pain and become fussy, not all babies but some have gotten their first tooth by the time they are 3 -4 months old. You just never know when you RSVP to that wedding (which they are paying for per guest) if that baby is going to be fussy, teething, sick, colicky ect. It is best to plan ahead and just go with the brides wishes....pump ahead and plan to leave the infant at home with grandma or leave daddy in the foyer with the infant during the ceremony! Or politely decline and stay at home. But don't think that the bride is being rude or disrespectful in her request to have no children of any age....as a grandmother of children ranging in age from 20-4, believe me when I say, I have seen and heard it all. If not from them, then from their friends, cousins and our friends children. I love children and love spending time with them...but there are times when they should "be seen and not heard" and there are times when they should not be seen at all.

Paula - posted on 08/27/2012

If u don't want kids there don't invite friends with them!

Paula - posted on 08/27/2012

Unfortunate I can appreciate not wanting toddlers around but a newborn, who requires his mother for everything. Besides that is to much for the grandparents too. I would just arrive for the reception less time away from older child too. We all like breaks from our kids, but really. But 2nd was breastfed and went everywhere with me for almost the 1st 6 months!

Jodi - posted on 08/27/2012

It really is her day afterall, she probably Dosent realize a two month old would probably sleep the entire time, but it is her sspecial day. Being a mom of a newborn myself I understand making a commitment to breastfeeding and would not leave my baby or even consider supplementing this early on. I would respectfully decline. If she is a really close friend I would make the trip for the reception. Though I'm not sure what she means by "consider" doesn't seem like a definite answer. A good friend wouldve said, Bring her to the reception.

Becky - posted on 08/27/2012

would she really be a friend if she didnt understand??????

Shirley - posted on 08/27/2012

I can understand both of your feelings, just assume you both had 7 friends invited to this wedding and all had newborns...would there be enough exits that you could all sit next to that you could discreetly leave in case the baby got fussy or needed to be fed? I doubt there would be. she was be gracious in saying that she had no problem allowing the infant at the reception, at least she was trying to compromise...she was saying I want you as part of my special day!

Could you go to the wedding and either you or your husband stay in a foyer with the infant during the ceremony then you both go to the reception with the infant?

Jodi - posted on 08/27/2012

This is not about you as a new mother, it is about your friend as a bride. If you do not feel that you can comply with your friend's wishes to not have infants at her ceremony, then perhaps you and your child wait the ceremony out at a coffee shop and join your husband (who attends the ceremony) for the reception.

Michelle - posted on 08/27/2012

I wouldn't go

i think its awful for people to say no to kids at weddings!!!

Wendy - posted on 08/27/2012

I had a similar situation with a family members wedding. I too felt a little offended as they knew I had young children. They went as far as to tell me I could bring them and leave them in a hotel room for the day.........Of course I chose not to go, I understand the ceremony itself, but the reception shouldn't be so "stuffy". Long story short, the $100,000 wedding only lasted a year.

I felt at that point and still do actually, if my kids are not invited than neither am I, as my kids are part of me. If that offends anyone, then so be it, my kids are my life.

Again, I do understand that it is the bride's day, but why would anyone starting a family, not want "family" there!?! I am imagining that these are mostly people who were not brought up around children.......what do I know.

I feel you should stick with your guns and take care of that precious package that you have, if they are a true "friend" they will understand. And who knows, maybe one day when they do have their own children, they will be put in the same situation and think back.......

Good luck,

Debbie - posted on 08/27/2012

It's up to you, I had to return to work when my oldest child was 9 weeks old, it may do you good to have a small bit of adult time, on the other hand if your breast feeding it's a bit inconsiderate of your friend to ask you to leave the baby and quite frankly is she a friend at all!

Misty - posted on 08/26/2012

She will learn, or she is maybe way to self centered. One of mydearest besties runs a catering bussinnes. She and her husbandtell their client the should hire Minders I still babysit for them at bigger events, do side with you, mummy she and her partner sent invites one simple statment no children under 16 years old, you are a new mum, your baby girl comes first!!!!

Keri - posted on 08/26/2012

Well, your friend didn't invite "a new mom" to her wedding, she invited her friend. I haven't been to many weddings, but the ones I've been to, the only kids under a certain age allowed were in the wedding party or immediate family of bride or groom. Also, your friend probably didn't know your breastfeeding intentions and likely assumed you'd made whatever plans necessary for the care of your children. Whenever I'm doubtful as to whether an invitation includes my (5 year old) son, I ask.

Jenny - posted on 08/26/2012

Read through a lot of the replies and was just curious if you had decided what you are going to do Tiffany?

Michelle - posted on 08/26/2012

I understand the hurt over this, although you must understand that things change. And in fact, do not let this effect your friendship. I would hope you would understand enough to not have it hurt, really. Thank her for wanting you there, let her know you want to be there & you will be there in spirit. Yet, you both know it isnt possible. Let her know you love her very much or whatnot & hope her day is beautiful & cant wait to see the pictures. And leave it at that.

It is also her day. She doesnt want kids there. That is ok.

Judi - posted on 08/26/2012

I agree with you....your friend seems to be immature.....yeah I feel ya! It's a turn off. One of those things you will never forget. But try not to let it get you down.

Judi - posted on 08/26/2012

I agree with you....your friend seems to be immature.....yeah I feel ya! It's a turn off. One of those things you will never forget. But try not to let it get you down.

Jennifer - posted on 08/26/2012

I did not have any children at my wedding reception, including my 11 month old. Not that I don't love dearly all the children that would have been invited, my reasoning was I wanted the parents to have a responsible free evening. (that includes myself. I didn't have a guest with such a young one but I think you handled it perfectly.

R - posted on 08/26/2012

I was having my first child when many of my friends were getting married. One of my good friends invited me to her bachlorette weekend celebration about 5 hours away from our home. My baby was 8 weeks old. I prepared everything, leaving bottles for my child and my amazing husband took care of our son. I was going back to work a few days after the weekend away, so all of these things needed to be worked out anyways. When I had a limo winery tour to celebrate my birthday, the same good friend, had just had her first baby, he was 6 weeks old, she was exclusively breast feeding. She drove 45 minutes to my home, was on the tour for 5 hours and then the 45 minutes home. She didn't decide if she was coming for sure until about a week before the wine tour. I would not have been upset if she was unable to come because she was uncomfortable leaving her baby and her vise versa with me going to her bachlorette party. We invited each other because we wanted to celebrate together, however we both would have understood if our babies would have kept us from celebrating together.

Kristi - posted on 08/26/2012

So did your friend reply?

Christina - posted on 08/26/2012

Hi there! Congratulations on your new baby! Your question is a very good one indeed. My thought is, what and how would you do things if (for example) the commute to and from work plus work hours were to keep you away 10-12 he's a day? I don't know if you work outside the home or not, and my point is to imply that you'd make it work somehow, right? I know your still on the "just had a baby high", and so its feels insulting and painful that a "good friend" would ask you to not bring the baby, but what if she's just sticking to that request not because of you, but maybe someone else who's been invited may not be as considerate as you? Hope all goes well, and if you choose not to go do it because you don't want to, not because you are offended. Be well!! Christina

Shaina - posted on 08/26/2012

Ouch! Dont go! Your baby needs you more than your "friend" does, obviously!!! She will probably regret treating you like this when she has a baby.

Philly - posted on 08/26/2012

Oh what kind of friend dose that! She may want you but not your baby!! That's not what a mother needs to here! And yes you have a newborn ! Now what if you got married and she just had a new born and you said that to her?? Now how would she feel leaving her new born at home! Without mothers confit!

MYRNA - posted on 08/26/2012

If ever she's mad she'll get over it. Family comes first especially a new born baby totally needs a mommy.

Kris - posted on 08/26/2012

Doesn't sound like a "good" friend to me at all. I would be incredibly insulted by that, and it is entirely inappropriate to as ANY mother to be separate from a baby so young.





I see that you took care of yourself and your famliy by telling her you couldn't make it. Absolutely the right move. As to damaging the friendship, honestly I don't see how you did any damage at all. Maybe she'll pull her head out in a a few months/years and apologize, but whatever happens you were not in the wrong.

Phylicia - posted on 08/26/2012

I think that is rude of her.. how good of a friend is she really???

Kim - posted on 08/26/2012

I had this same problem. It was my cousins wedding and she told me that kids WERE NOT ALLOWED AT EITHER THE CEREMONY OR RECEPTION. My son was only 9 weeks old at this point. It hurt me so mucb but I had to be at this wedding, so I had to leave my son with my partners family. Let me tell you, the moment that cake was cut, we were out of there. Then it was an hour and a half drive home.

Elisha - posted on 08/26/2012

She's got enough on her plate with trying to accommodative everybody. She invited you because she'd like you to come, and you have your own things going on dictating whether you'll be able to or not. I can't imagine she's honestly considering how you feel about not being able to take your baby in to a wedding. Either deal with it and go, or don't go. I doubt very much that she'll be insulted whatever your answer might be. On the other hand, what she WILL be worried about is offending you and having you think nasty things behind her back. Being a good friend is understanding...it's her wedding day. If she doesn't want a crying baby at a time when she's saying her vows, or if she's told other people with newborns that those are the specs, then it's up to you to deal with it however you may.



I've been the bride and I've been the guest, and I can tell you it's impossible to please everybody when it comes to a wedding. Friends you want just to be there for you to celebrate this big moment in your life suddenly think you're a b**ch for wanting things a particular way when it's your party.

Naomi - posted on 08/26/2012

I would not go either. Especially with it being 2 hours away. At 8 weeks your body is still working on your milk supply/demand. Not to mention that you will not be able to enjoy yourself. Engorgement, leaking, pumping etc.

Just politely reply that you won't be there.

I can understand her not wanting children at her wedding. Saying that 8 wk olds sleep moat of the day. The first 2 months is the best time to rake a baby to a wedding. They are merely accessories then;-)

Diane - posted on 08/26/2012

Don't go. Not worth it and not a good friend to put. IN that position.

Diane - posted on 08/26/2012

Don't go. Not worth it and not a good friend to put. IN that position.

Diane - posted on 08/26/2012

Don't go. Not worth it and not a good friend to put. IN that position.

Helén - posted on 08/26/2012

Sorry I just like to say that it's not something I've ever encountered culturally, maybe its different within your culture, so I hope I haven't offended in anyway. But big events like, weddings , funerals etc, the whole family come together to enjoy or share sorrow together, so to not invite part of your treasured family to an event is kinda insulting, you are one unit and come as a package deal. And usually mom or dad take it in turns to sit outside with the children during the important parts to ensure harmony on the day. It's all about compromise .

I am sure that you and your partner as would anyone else if politely asked would have remained outside with children in an arranged area, so as not to disrupt.

Helén - posted on 08/26/2012

I am sorry but I understand it is your friends big day, unless your friend is completely anti children then a wedding is a family event where you formalise your union with someone special with a view to having children in the future. If a person wishes to share their joy with others then as a mature person they need to understand that families come as a package, it is not appropriate to invite part of a family and ignore some of the others.

Equally this friend and I use the term loosely here could have used some tact and worded her invite or made allowances as some parents might be single, financially tight etc.. The invite could have easily been worded to say no children at the ceremony but allowed during the reception between ?? - ?? , or arranged a creche room,It seems her big day has turned her into a bridezilla,a true friend would not put another friend in such a situation.

Equally as a mother I would not leave my little one, you have made arrangements for your other little mite so the considering allowing your newborn to the reception is a tad patronising.

I would be diplomatic and say thanks but no thanks, you wish her the best on her big day, but equally one day when she is in the same boat she might understand that a newborn needs to stay with mama.

Shelia - posted on 08/26/2012

if you taking care of your child ruins yur friendship then it was not a very good friendship to begin with.

Karen - posted on 08/26/2012

Sorry, I'm on the bride's side.A screaming baby IS NOT conducive to an emotional wedding ceremony. You could go to the wedding without the baby and not attend the reception OR not attend the wedding and go to the reception with your baby...or hurt the bride's feelings and not go at all. How close are you to the bride? Did you know you can keep breast milk safely in the fridge for up to 2 weeks? There are Mom's who have to go back to work and still manage to provide breast milk for their baby. Gonna toss it out there...are you sure there isn't some other reason you don't want to leave the baby for a day?

Samantha - posted on 08/26/2012

It kinda offends me, that some of you keep mentioning changing the baby to formula. Bf mothers take pride in that. So why do you think she would just switch her baby to formula? I breast fed for a year and a 8 months. What your friend should have done was made an exception for a 2 month old baby. You're doing the best thing for your child! Keep up the good work!