Older Child adoption
Hello. Having worked with adoptive families and children in the foster/residential care system for the last 12 years, I know you have many challenges ahead. One thing is to let them attach in their own time...many adoptive parents feel the children should be grateful and are resentful when the children are not grateful. Well the child usually isn't grateful right away, as they did not ask to be abandoned by their birth parents and to be adopted into another family.....so the happiness and joy will happen in the beginning *honeymoon*...then they will test your love and committment for them....and once they know you aren't going to "give them back"...they should come around. If you have any specific questions like behavioral interventions issues, attachment issues, the best thing is to have a family counselor to help the children establish their place within the family. I wish you well....! I think it is awesome you adopted these children....good luck!
Debra - posted on 12/03/2009
Hi, My name is Debbie..five months ago i took in a young lady 14yrs old. She had been in and out of foster care since the age of 18 mnths, We deal with a lot of problems due to the life she has had in her past!! ( mom is a prostute and drug addict) dad also a drug addict. my bio daughter knew her from school and they asked me to take her in from the group home. What i have learn is get counceling .. it does help.
Debbie - posted on 12/03/2009
Hi I had adopted my neice and nephew who were 10 and 11 my advice to you is if you can find out anything about there past get that info. go thru some classes through your city if they have it and make sure you have someone that can mentor you thru any struggles. Children before they are six have alot built into them you will have to rebuild alot of their emotions and self esteem and always encourage them 100x more than the negative when they become teenagers they will want to know who they are and where they come from and they will have a sense of abandonment. Altho my sister was killed when they were 4 and 5 and trhey immediately came into our care it seemed at those teenage years all kinds of things began to enter their minds but never give up on them. I hope this helps I wish someone had been there for me at the time
Kelley - posted on 12/03/2009
Congratulations on adobting two older kids.. My husband and I adobted our two oldest four years ago at the time 5 and 7.. We now have four all together another boy who is 6 and a baby girl 14 months. I would love to talk.. Let me know what struggles you may be facing.. and remember sometimes it is tough but overall they will love and respect you for keeping yourself above the water. Leaning on others does help..
Brenda - posted on 12/03/2009
Hello Jessica. I don't have personal experience with adopting older children. I work in the field and understand the challenges that you may face or be facing now. I think it's awesome that you opened your heart to older children. Without families like yours, these children would remain in foster care until they aged out. How is your 5 year old coping with having older siblings? How are you adjusting with parenting a 9 and 11 year old?
Amanda - posted on 12/03/2009
Hello! 4 years ago my husband and I adopted James (15) Jake (14) and Jordan (6)...we also had a son who was 15 months at the time....we now have James (19 US ARMY) Jake (17) Jordan (10) Walker biologocal (5) and Mason biolgical (11 months...the struggles with older kids were different yet you should feel very awesome that you could take an older child who more than likely didnt have as much of a chance as a baby...sad but true:-( Email me anytime and we can chat more! firstname.lastname@example.org
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