OMG! My 2-1/2 son won't sleep in his bed anymore. Is it wrong to co-sleep at this age?

Steph - posted on 01/10/2012

Firstly, there is nothing at all odd about a baby wanting to be held and close to parents, it would be odd if he didn't want to be with you. In my experience, mummy's and babies usually know better than doctors what is best for baby. If your little one wants to sleep with you and it is ok with you, then do it! My daughter moved into our bed at 6 months when I finally stopped listening to 'experts' and our family is so happy and close and drama free since we started co sleeping. She is now nearly 4 and has freely decided she is now ready for her own bed so the transition will be easy as the child is secure enough to sleep happily alone of her own choice.

Julianne - posted on 01/10/2012

If you let a kid cry for an hour and a half or two hours they can get brain damage from the pressure! WTF!!!

Kimberly - posted on 01/10/2012

My son is 4 & he has slept w me essentially since birth. Although this has bn a hard week, he is getting it. We are essentially the main mammals that put our children away from us. Every situation is different, you hv 2 do what feels right. They are not little long. Develop a plan and get child prepared before you do the transfer. Set up a positive reward system. If he is able to communicate in the moment, inquire. My son just doesn't want to sleep alone. It will come. Letting him cry is okay, it won't kill him. Although an he seems a long time, and trust me I know, very painful. maybe an hour and a half or two hours is what he needs. But also consider seperation anxiety & address w pediatrician.

Angela - posted on 01/10/2012

My two year old sleeps in her bed but will somtimes come into our bed in the night.. Im not concerned, as someone else said I also dont think your son is odd - but rather the doctor .. If he needs cuddles what is so wrong with giving them to him?? my 1 year old also is a very cuddly boy and I looked at him just last night and thought how he seems he will grow into a strong but caring man :D with my 2yr old, I tried the cry it out thing for a couple of nights but couldnt handle it and felt absolutely awful for not being there for my child so wont be doing that again; I realised that my 2yr old wont be sleeping with me for ever and I may as well enjoy it while it lasts. What we do is to put her to bed in her own room, get a routine going, we do yoghurt (or custard etc) if needed then teeth, kisses good-night, often a story and we get our 2yr old to read her book to her toy as we leave, then we say good-night, see you in the morning, I used to leave the door open from the start but now shut it for about half an hour, (I think she feels more secure - but will likely start leaving it open from the start again soon), however if she cries (above a little grizzle) there is ALWAYS a reason - so we do the list nappy, thirsty, hungry, big one for us is wind as she has always been a 'windy' kid, sometimes its just a cuddle then she will happily go back to bed :D now that she has turned 2 we are getting less and less nights when she comes into our room (probably because she can be reasoned with and has that security that she can come in if she needs to) - on nights she sleeps in her bed all night we generally make a big deal out of it by telling her what a big girl she's getting, on the nights she comes to our bed we dont make a big deal out of it, but often make a light-hearted comment in the morning like "gasp! what are you doing in MY bed??" - hope that helps... remember almost everything is "just a stage" :D

Julianne - posted on 01/10/2012

Gabby is 2 and she sleeps in with us some nights. If your comfortable with it, do it.

Siobhan - posted on 01/10/2012

I had both my boys sleepin in moses baskets fine but trouble started with the cot they both the same theyd hyper ventate so i chose to co sleep was also easier for breastfeeding at night my son was in my bed till he turned four and he made the decision to go in his bed he got up and came through first week or so but will happily be in his bed allnight and if he wanna get in my bed then i let him half time he wants his bed hell be 5 in april but my 2 yr old will sleep in my bed but wont go in his cot yet hells fall asleep in his brothers bed if hes cuddling him so ill just hope hes the same hes still currently breat fed though so not to worried yet its whatever comfy for u all to get sleep

Paula - posted on 01/10/2012

i have a 2 year old who sleeps between 3 to 5 hours a night ... wont go to bed properly without a 90 min scream , tried all the stuff you get told and the super nanny tricks etc nothing works.he wobbles his gate so hard it comes off the wall and he gets into my bed or he goes downstairs and tries putting the tv on .... i know if you give in all the time then it is harder to stop but for the sake of sleep and sanity what can you do..... i suffer with b12 anemia and hypermobility syndrome so i need to sleep and am in constant pain while be a single mum to 2 ..... i get told diff things by diff people so would like a technique that works but every child is diff x any ideas?

Xen - posted on 01/10/2012

I don't think your child is odd at all for wanting to be close to you, I think that's a good sign. I think your doctor is odd for wanting to interfere with your parenting choices

Annastasia - posted on 01/10/2012

Have you tried a big teddy bear with one or both of your smells on it that he can hold

Diana - posted on 01/10/2012

What a great idea, Lisa! I wish I would have thought of the tent! :) My older daughter used to have a monster in her room. We named him "Fred". Turned out he was really a monster like one of the Muppets. We came up with an entire story for Fred. He ended up being the best imaginary friend tool ever. We would have our daughter show Fred how to behave. If she was whiny at dinner & playing with her food, we would tell her that Fred was playing with his food & getting it in his fur & that she should show him how good little girls eat their dinner. LOL. She used to scold him & point her little finger then eat nice. Same for going to bed. She would show him how good little girls behave & sleep nice in their beds without jumping around. She would pretend to wrestle him under the covers & hug him. I almost forgot about Imaginary Fred the Monster. LOL. She said that he had red fur like Elmo only it was fuzzier.

Lisa - posted on 01/10/2012

My son, who is now 4, had a hard time sleeping by himself in his bed because he felt really exposed. We got him a little tent for his room. Now it feels like a treat to sleep in his room. The tent blocks out a lot of sensory input, keeps him warm, and to my son's logic "keeps the monster's away." He has a flashlight and a twilight turtle in there so he is in control of how dark it is. This really helped us. An added benefit to using a tent is that it is very portable. No more scanning the room over and over when we sleep away. For him the inside of his tent is the same no matter where we are. Perhaps you could start by putting the little tent in your room until he is used to it and then move it to his room? Hope this helps...

And to the mother that said "Research shows that cry - it - out type sleep training methods cause long term emotional harm to children," show me the research.

I've looked extensively and found nothing of the kind. My sister is a child psychologist and couldn't point to any statistically significant studies that showed emotional harm from cry it out either. We used the cry it out method with our son with great success and he is one of the most emotionally balanced/comfortable children at his preschool (according to his teachers).

Cry it out is not for everyone. Co-sleeping is not for everyone. Neither is going to ruin or damage your child. They are pretty resilient if they get enough love and support. I agree that listening to your gut is important and you should find a physician who is willing to work within your beliefs but let's stop the judgy-judgy, please, people... parenting is stressful enough without people trying to tell you you are harming your kids with no evidence to back it up.

Heidi - posted on 01/10/2012

I would only add make sure that you aren't able to kick all of your covers off on top of him.

Lori - posted on 01/10/2012

I had to get sleep or I would have been a mean mommy and I told my son that he does not want a mean mommy during the day- I never let him sleep in my bed, so he would sleep outside my bedroom door every night for 2 years while we lived that in same house (he had seen a spider in his room and was afraid to sleep in it). He is now 20 years old and we laugh about that time. I asked him if he thought I was mean and he said not at all. He does like to sleep on the floor though. I do think it is more traumatizing for you, then it is for him- remember if crying gets him his way he will keep using it even if he has to cry for 8 hours. I know he is only 2.5 but try explaining during the day when no trauma is going on and explain why it is so important for you to get your sleep- he may understand.

Heidi - posted on 01/10/2012

The government is requiring all health care professionals to discourage co-sleeping because of instances of suffication. They feel the need to inform us. In most incidences there have been contributing factors such as extremely obese parents or parents that are taking medication or illegal drugs or another child or pet in the bed. There have also been studies by proponents of co-sleeping that show it is actually a healthier choice for some families and may even reduce the incidents of SIDS to have your infant in the same room with you (even if not in the same bed). They have studied the breathing patterns of sleeping infants with their 100% nursing mothers and they are in sinc the whole night. AMAZING! I think by the time they are 2 most of the potential danger is over. They do know that fathers are not sensitive to the child in the same way as the mother so do consider this while making your arrangements. I have co-slept with both of my boys from birth. My daughter I couldn't, I sensed somehow it wasn't right with her. She slept in her crib fine but when we moved her to a toddler bed she started the behavior your talking about, only she would scream like she was terrified of something nonstop. I finally listened to my instincts - she doesn't feel safe for some reason - and why shouldn't a 2 year old feel secure? We moved her bed into her brothers room for 2-3 years and it solved the problem after a few bumpy nights adjusting. She was afraid to be alone. She is 11 now and has been sleeping in her own room just fine for many years, none the worse for wear! Now if I could just get rid of my 5 year old son! He-he he's doing better:)

Leann - posted on 01/10/2012

My son is 10 and daughter is 6 and they both sleep with us a lot. We tried bribery with our son and got him a cat to sleep with, but he still prefers snuggling with mommy. I sleep better with both of them in my bed. I guess they are only little for such a small amount of time, I don't mind bud dad will get frustrated once in a while and make them sleep in their own beds. I'm sure it won't be long and they won't want to sleep with mom and dad!

Janet - posted on 01/10/2012

I think YOU have to decide for your family whether or not you would like to continue co-sleeping. If you are comfortable with that AND you all can co-sleep and get a good night's rest, then go for it! If not... here are some suggestions (some of which you may have tried already, but here it goes). Make a sleep plan: decide what time he should be going to bed, create a sweet, predictable bedtime routine, and think about what your expectations are with his sleep. Then, have a family meeting in which you tell him that you haven't done what you feel like you need to do to help him learn to sleep independently, You can explain your expectations & write them down on paper. keep it simple, for example: Get ready for bed, lie quietly in bed at bedtime, stay in bed all night long. He can collect a sticker each time he follows the sleep manners. At bedtime, you can try staying in the room with him until he falls asleep. IF he gets out of bed while you are in there you can let him know you will stay if he follows the stay in your bed rule, otherwise you'll need to leave until he is ready to do that. For three nights sit or lie next to his bed, then over the next three nights start moving away so you are sitting next to the door, then in the hallway outside the baby gate, etc. Know that this will take some time but use lots of encouragement when he DOES follow the rules. 2.5 year olds are experts at checking out your limits (that is their job!) so it is best to make a plan & then stay with it. give it time to work & try not to change courses midstream. if you do that you are likely to confuse him & increase the behaviors you don't want to see. Find as many ways as you can to connect with him during the day, and make sure he gets the daytime rest he needs too.

Diana - posted on 01/10/2012

My older daughter didn't want to sleep in her own bed for a while either right around the same age as your son at the time. Turns out for her that the biggest problem was that she felt so exposed in her own bed. So, we made a "nest" like Big Bird in her own bed. I took a comforter & rolled it & put it in her bed in a U-shape (you could probably use pillows too). Then I took another blanket & laid it over the whole thing. Her pillow was at the top of the "U". I also would take wet washcloth, put it in a sandwich bag & heated it up for a few seconds, then put it in her pillow case where her head would lay. Finally, I added a warm bean bag (the microwavable kind that you use for sore muscles) & put it behind along her back. I would leave a night light on & play "sleepy-time" music (a classical music CD). Sounds like a lot of work for bedtime, but when you want your kids to sleep, you do whatever works. LOL. You are not the worst mom ever. :) He is doing what he is supposed to...work you over. He knows that crying is going to get to you & get him what he wants. What mommy wants is a good night's sleep with no little feet in the ribs or tiny elbows to the face. I think that all kids go through a stage where they don't want to sleep in their own beds. Yay for you! It means that he is starting to realize he is not one of your appendages, he is his own little man! I would sit down with him & explain in a no-nonsense way that it is time that he sleeps in his own bed and there is not to be any more shenanigans. Then talk about what you can do to make him feel more comfortable in his own bed. Sure he's only 2 1/2, but he's smart enough to know what will get you to let him out. LOL. Maybe tell him that he has to sleep in his own bed like a big boy, but when he wakes up in the morning, he is welcomed to come in & snuggle. Make a big deal about what a great idea for the coolest bed ever you thought of. Wouldn't it be awesome to sleep in his very own nest like Big Bird?! There is nothing that says you can't make a game out of it or make it fun. If he is still having a hard time (so are you) you can try some compromising if you feel comfortable with it & he is still unsure of his own bed. Tell him that he has to go to sleep in his own bed, but if he wakes up when mommy is sleeping he can come in & lay with his blanket on the floor, but very, very quietly so that everyone gets a good night sleep. That way you are not getting jabbed & he may be happy just sleeping on the floor in your room. Or set limits: he is allowed to come in, but only on the weekends. I had a 3am rule: I don't want to see your, cute little smiling faces until the sun is up, but if it's 3am or after, snuggle in with us. Naturally, I didn't tell them that. If you want him in his own bed be firm. I used to start bed time an hour early. I wanted them in bed by 8pm so I would start bedtime at 7 - Bath, Jammies, snack, brushing, drink, bathroom, lights down low with a story on the sofa, bed. I would explain to them what the order was & what I expected. I was lucky though because they never gave me too much of a hard time about bedtime...mostly because I was the bedtime Sargent - I like my sleep too. :) Both my girls would try to prolong bedtime when I would let my guard down by using the old "Mommy, I firsty. Can I have a dwink? I haffa go potty." After a few days of catching me, I would have to start bedtime an hour early again. I really think that the bedtime ritual is one of the most important parts & honestly it can be one of the most fun for both of you. It's ok if you slip up now & again or maybe make it a special thing like setting a once-a-week limit. It's only a phase. Don't worry, by the time he is a teenager he will be sleeping in his own bed. LOL. We have 2 girls & I would find the 2 of them sleeping together crammed into a twin-sized bed. The older one was the one who didn't want to sleep alone. It really kicked back up after we went to Disney World & her & her younger sister had to share a bed for a week while on vacation. I finally convinced her to stay out of her sister's bed 2 years ago (she's 11 now), by letting our dog go to bed with her & getting her the softest comforter ever.

Maggie - posted on 01/10/2012

Do you think the doctor knows more about your child than you do? I hate it when doctors tell people things like that. They spend 15 minutes doing a check up and think they know what your child needs.
If you recently moved your child probably is feeling disconcerted or insecure. We kept our son in bed with us until he fell asleep then moved him into his bed. After about two weeks of this we would sit on his bed until he fell asleep. Now he goes right to bed most nights with no fuss. There are still nights when he needs that extra snuggle or a little more time with us but I'm happy to give it! Pretty soon he won't want any of it.
Also, children whose cries are answered quickly and are soothed and comforted by their caregiver are more confident in the long run. If you had a problem and you asked your husband for help - you wouldn't expect him to leave you asking or needing for however long it took you to stop asking, would you? So why do it to a child who doesn't understand why you aren't coming to comfort him?

Chrystal - posted on 01/10/2012

I'm personally not a big fan of co-sleeping for a few reasons. But I also know that situations aren't black and white so maybe there is a middle ground. If your goal is to get him sleeping in his own bed in his own room maybe you could try sleeping with him in his room for a week or two get him used to being in his room. When that's working start staying just till he's asleep. When that works start leaving just as he's falling asleep. Then start leaving a bit before he falls asleep. Keep working at it till you're able to put him to bed and leave the room. It could take a few months but that might be a more gentle way to solve the problem. Maybe a sound machine would help your son he may have gotten used to the sound of your breathing and it made him feel safe. If you want him in your bed till he feels like sleeping on his own then that's what is right for your family don't let others make you feel like a bad parent for it not even a doctor they don't know everything.

Christine - posted on 01/10/2012

I have an older child, and I think your issue is not wear he sleeps, but your inability to say no to him. He's already pitching major tantrums because he knows they work, and you give in. Are you planning to always let him get his way? What if he wants to eat candy for every meal, stay up til midnight, run around the house naked, go outside by himself, run in the parking lot, or not take a bath? These are all common themes for the year ahead. Are you prepared to be his mom instead of his friend?

Selina - posted on 01/10/2012

I cosleep wth my 2.5 yr daughter hubby sleepd im fnotha bed as not enough room he dnt mind hrs a rough sleeper so he gets mre rm n is happy that its like rhat we to mke time for each other know we have anotha daughter who 6wks who also sleeps wth me as sge has reflux she sleeps dwn my chest or arm as shes more comfy and i cn sleep btwn feeds so i enjoy it cuddles frm both sides wen ready theyl go to own bed ive had alot of pple friends relos tell me its not good i dnt care wot they say it works for us

Lisa - posted on 01/09/2012

My son started co-sleeping with me when he had just turned 2 (my husband was traveling a lot at the time and we both needed the extra comfort). After about 6 months (when my husband's travel decreased) we put a cradle mattress (a crib mattress was too large) right next to my side of the bed on the floor for him to sleep on. We slowly moved the mattress out to the hallway but have yet to make it to his room and my door "needs" to be slightly ajar. I will not force him to leave the hallway because I know the closeness comforts him but it is nice to have my room back. However, he does still get to sleep in my bed about once a week--which makes it a treat for both of us--but he is old enough (3 in November) to understand that it won't happen every night.

Chelly - posted on 01/09/2012

Firstly.... It's not at all odd that your son wants to be held and touched, that's completely normal. It would be odd should your baby NOT want those things. You held him close to you for 9 months before he was born :)

If you'd like to be able to tell your doctor that he's in his own bed and for you to not get kicked at night, simply put a twin bed next to your bed. After a while of him being used to that you can move the bed away from your bed and when he's more ready to being separated then you can try the techniques for having him in his own room.

It's healthy and completely ok that he wants to be connected to you and his daddy. He won't still want to be sleeping with you when he's 18 and it will actually make him more independent, knowing that he can depend on you when he needs you.

But if co-sleeping is a strain on your marriage, then personally I would figure out how to have him sleep in his own room. Like another mom said, laying with him in bed until he falls asleep. Or having him fall asleep in your bed but letting him know he's going to be moved to his own bed.

Do what's best for your family :D

Diane - posted on 01/09/2012

I would get him a toddler bed and put it in your room at the foot of your bed so that he can still sleep in the same room as you but you won't have to worry about being kicked all the time and woken up. I hope this helps!

Amber - posted on 01/09/2012

I totally forgot about my Chinese friend and her family until I read one of these posts. I remember doing a walk through of her house and noticing they were one bed short for everyone to have their own bed. The youngest was 13! And she still was co-sleeping with her daughter. I told my friend how I thought that was weird, and she said that it is very common for the children to sleep with the same-sex parent even into their teens. To each their own!

Becky - posted on 01/09/2012

Ok, I've never posted here before, and this is an issue near & dear to me. My daughter is 5, and we're just now getting her to START the night sleeping in her own bed. She'll get there all night eventually. Just... not tonight (it's 10:30, she woke & wants in my bed again... and yes, I will let her.)

Amy - posted on 01/09/2012

My son is a horrible sleeper if he has to sleep by himself, he's 5. He's old enough now that he can sleep by himself and every other night we put him to bed in his own bed, we have to lay with him till he falls asleep and he knows we leave once he's asleep. 98% of the time on the nights he's sleeping in his own bed he wakes in the middle of the night and gets into our bed, he's so stealth and I'm such a heavy sleeper that I find him there every morning but I have no idea what time he gets into bed for us. It works for us, our pediatrician would advise us not to allow it but there are some things I've learned that the pediatrician doesn't need to know because it has nothing to do with his development, and I'm not lying because he doesn't ask about it. If you don't want him there then that's one thing if you don't mind him there then don't worry about what others have to say.

Joy - posted on 01/09/2012

First of all, we went through the same exact thing with our son when he was 2.5 years old. We bed shared a little in the begining but by 6 months he was happy in his crib, in his own room. Then we moved from Florida to NY state when he was 2 and a half and it all went out the window. We had to share a room and a bed when we stayed with my husband's mom. In those 3 months, we became bed sharers. If done properly, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with letting him sleep with you. UNLESS, it just isn't something you or your husband wants or feels comfortable with. If my doctor had ever told me I had to get him back into his own bed, I'd have found another doctor.

I just don't understand this "reasoning" that a child "HAS" to be in their own bed at X age or from birth. What the hell IS that? The Chinese are some of the smartest people on the planet and they are well known to bed share until their teens almost, sometimes beyond. They also have multiple generations living under one roof. I know how foreign of a concept that seems to the western world but....is it really such a stretch? I mean, if it isn't for you to bedshare, if it makes you uncomfortable or if you, his parent, really feel like you NEED for him to be in his own space for your sanity (or your husband's) then please, at least use a gentle method. But if you're ok with the closeness of your child next to you as you sleep, and if you can deal with the kicks (and occasional elbows to the eye lol), then let it be. They are only young for such a short period of time. Soon will come the day when we (parents) will be THE most UNcool people on the planet to even be in the same room with. Why not enjoy it now, if that's what your heart wants? I will say that you and your partner have to be on the same page about this decision though. If you want to bed share and he doesn't, then you need to come to some sort of agreement, maybe a co-sleeper attachment for your bed or something. But if you're both ok with it, and your son wants to be there? Pile up I say! Enjoy the snuggles while you can. My son is 4 and I recently got him to sleep back in his own bed (not my choice, my husband's). I miss him! And when 6am rolls around and my warm little worm puts his pillow over my face and shoves me over so he can spoon with me? THAT's when something in me truly rests ♥

Karen - posted on 01/09/2012

Few kids go to college still co sleeping, just like most kids are potty trained before college and speak before college. Guess what... some kids like nuggets, some fruit..... they grow so quick and everyone is an expert.... do what is right for you all. Some lessons are tough but best learned in a loving environment. You know your child, trust your instinct.

Mandy - posted on 01/09/2012

Have you tried laying next to him in his bed until he falls asleep. That way he gets use to his bed and room so feels happy to sleep in there but still with a feeling of security. You just need to make sure you explain that you will stay until he falls asleep but won't be with him when he wakes. Not sure what the gate is for or where it is. I would get rid of the gate if it is not a safety reason as he may feel locked in and not able to get to you if he needs you.

Tine - posted on 01/09/2012

Your son is NOT NOT NOT odd!!!!!!!!!!!
Wanting to be held and be close to parents is COMPLETELY NORMAL for babies and young children.

It is a survival thing - human babies are completely helpless for a long time and in their minds being left alone means being in terrible danger. I would have been concerned had you said that he didn't want to be touched and held.

I also think that you are obviously a great mum who has a healthy connection to your child, as is shown by your feeling that leaving him to cry alone seems wrong. It is wrong. Research shows that cry - it - out type sleep training methods cause long term emotional harm to children, and all your instincts as a mother are telling you the same thing!

What will probably help you is to listen to what your son needs and to go with that for a while until his anxiety around sleep goes. If you can let him sleep with you for a few weeks and just make no fuss at all, just act as though that's completely fine with you, he should start feeling more at ease.

Then you can start very slowly working on a solution that you can all sleep with! Get him a bed or mattress of his own and put it right next to your bed, allowing him to come back in with you whenever he needs to. At first this will be a lot, but if you let him come back into your bed if he needs to, it will stop him feeling scared and anxious that the safety and comfort of his parents has been taken away, and he will learn to associate comfort with his own bed too.

Gradually (it may take months and is partly a developmental thing, kids become ready to sleep in their own beds at different times) he will become happy in his own bed, knowing that you are there and he is safe. Over time you can move his bed to the other side of the room, then eventually back into his room. Don't do it before he is ready though, because that will just frighten him all over again.

I also suggest that you get rid of that baby gate! To him it is like being locked away in isolation, away from the people who his every instinct tells him should be there to protect him. Having a physical barrier like that just ramps up his anxiety. He should always have access to you at night.

I know that our society says that parents 'deserve' uninterrupted sleep, that when you have kids they should not 'disrupt' your life. This is crap. It completely fails to take into account the very basic emotional and safety needs of young children.

There're some great books out there that can help you a lot if you put a little time into reading them. Some are;
'Nighttime Parenting' by Dr Sears (a pediatrician)
'The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers'' by Elizabeth Pantley
Anything by Pinky McKay
'The Science of Parenting' by Margot Sunderland (which explains in clear language what is going on in your son's brain - I think every parent should read it.

Your Dr has no place telling you to force your son to sleep alone. Doctors are experts in pathology; ie in illness and in medical solutions to ill health. They are NOT experts on child rearing, breastfeeding or a whole lot of other things related to health rather than illness, and he should not be giving you advice on these things.

Another very interesting book is, 'What Your Pediatrician doesn't Know Can Hurt Your Child' by Dr Susan Markel, a pediatrician.
All these books are easy and enjoyable to read.

Personally I simply cosleep with my kids. Both my 3 year old daughter, a ver sensitive soul, and my 2 month old son co-sleep safely with us, and we have never had any of the problems that seem to common with getting kids to bed or to sleep. I understand that this is not for everyone, but there are variations that can help most families sleep happily and safely.

Best wishes, you sound like a caring mother and I'm sure you will work this out so that all of your family are happy! :-) :-)

Laura - posted on 01/09/2012

I can only imagine an hour feels like a lifetime but it will always be hell the first time. You just have to keep picking him up and taking him back to bed (saying nothing after an initial explanation) once he realises you won't give in he will back down. It will get easier (and shorter) after the first time but there is no hiding from the fact you may have a week of hellish nights. Try to keep calm you are doing nothing wrong. Good luck. x

Sherri - posted on 01/09/2012

Well personally I wouldn't give in to him and I agree with your pediatrician that co sleeping is not the best idea. I would read a book to hugs and kisses and simply tell him it is bedtime. After that if he gets up, put him back in his bed every single time he gets up with no eye contact or communication. If he gets up a hundred times then you put him back in his bed a hundred times. He will quickly learn within a day or two that you are not going to cave and he will stay there.

Vicky - posted on 01/09/2012

Hi Tracie

I have a 3 year old boy. we use to get him to sleep by himself when he was 2 1/2 , he was crying and begging us like you, we were strong enough to stop him so we let him sleep with us. We just move him back to his own room last week, he was crying and crying and don't want to go. So we talk him if he wants to sleep at our room he can, but we will sleep in his room because our bed is too small for all of us. then he just walk to his room and sleep on his bed. however we still need to read him book and let him fall a sleep before we can go to sleep, we got lucky that he doens't wake up that often in the middle of the night. if he does we just need to go conform him and get him to sleep again and move out to our room. now he like his room and wants to sleep in it. it just need routine and a lot of love it will be ok. good luck

Liz - posted on 01/09/2012

Find another doctor.

I wouldn't see a pediatrician who gave me parenting advice any more than I would see a gynecologist who told me how often I should have sex with my husband.

Viv - posted on 01/09/2012

I would question why his dr wants him in his own bed. The child obviously needs you and the closeness. Cosleeping provides...:-)

Amber - posted on 01/09/2012

Try not to take to heart all of the advice others give you, when it applies to personal preferences at least (even from your doctor!) What works for you and your family is best. Whatever sits well in your heart is how to do it. My husband and our son co-sleep every night and I co-sleep with our daughter. When people hear about this they "gasp" and think we have a terrible cold marriage or something. But the truth is, we make time for each other and as parents who work full-time, our sleeptime with our children is a huge part of putting time into our relationships with them. We've even thought about buying a gigantic bed so all 4 of us can sleep together (now I sound nuts maybe). But my husband and our 4.5 year old son watch "boy shows" before bed and talk to each other, and my little 7 month old daughter and I breastfeed and co-sleep. Whatever works for your family is best in the end!!!

Heather - posted on 01/09/2012

C.I.O.

Cynthia - posted on 01/09/2012

If your gut says let him sleep with you, follow your gut. Just like breastfeeding, they will decide when their ready to stop needing mommy. Our like the girl above me, lay with him. maybe scratch his back or hum to him and get him relaxed. He is too old to cry it out. Good luck :)

Lynn - posted on 01/09/2012

What about letting him sleep in your room, on the floor? Maybe a mattress or sleeping bag? My kids slept in their own rooms from four months old, once they were sleeping all night long. When my husband went to Afghanistan two years ago, and was gone for ten months, they started sleeping in the same room, and only ocasionally sleep alone in their own rooms. (My son is ten and my daughter is eight.) My husband has been home for over a year now, and they still sleep together. They're very close, and just say they want to be together. Odd, but no harm done, I guess . . .

Sasha - posted on 01/09/2012

I have the same problem. My son has always slept in bed with me though. He is almost 2 1/2 now and he always wants to be held, cuddled etc. I got him a car bed and he has a nice room all to himself but he still doesn't really want to sleep by himself. So what I have done to start this transition is, when I lay him down to go to bed, I go and sit/lay next to him on his bed and read to him until he is obviously sleepy. As soon as I notice his eyes close I get up and go to bed myself. It is really working pretty well. He will occasionally get up in the middle of the night and sneak into bed with me. Sometimes he wakes up and comes and gets me to put him back in bed, and I have to sit there and wait again until he falls alseep. It works for me! I can't just let him stand in there and cry. I tried the cry it out method when he was about 6-8 months old and it just broke my heart.

Teresa - posted on 01/09/2012

My idea is to do whatever works best for your entire family regardless of what any doctor does or does not say about it.

My son doesn't even HAVE his own room (does have his own bed in my room though), so has co-slept since birth and is 3.75 years old now.

Denikka - posted on 01/09/2012

I have a 2.5yr old and an 11mo old. We've co-slept with both since birth. Our son is making the transition to his own bed at this point (he starts out going down in his bed, then wakes up and comes to our room).
If you believe that you can co-sleep safely, there's nothing wrong with it. Obviously he's telling you that he can't sleep by himself. There are a number of options available to you as to how to co-sleep, from a side bed to straight up snuggling :)
Go with your gut momma :) Once he feels secure sleeping at night, he can always be transferred back to his own bed :)
Good luck :)

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 01/08/2012

Depending on the type of sleeper you are, co-sleeping could or could not be a good thing.



I co-sleep (since birth) my youngest is now 21months, I am a light sleeper, his dad is a light sleeper AND we generally stay in one spot the whole night. Some people not only sleep heavy, but sleep wild.