On relationships.

Heather - posted on 06/08/2010 ( 24 moms have responded )

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Are you open and honest with your man? Do you tell him everything?



I have just been seeing so many friends of mine who don't talk to thier husbands or fiances when making important decisions. (i.e. a friend of mines husband went to korea for 19 months and she put his dog to sleep and told him she found a new home for the dog.) I just wonder if everyone out there is not open and honest with their man or is it just me? Cause we talk about every decision and work out a budget for each week and always agree on what we will spend money on before we do it.



Please don't comment on my friends situation I was making a point as to not deciding things together.

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Karen Sue - posted on 06/09/2010

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I don't hide anything from my husband, but we don't really talk all that much, either. Much of the time, I feel like I'm his mom as well as my kids' mom; we don't really discuss financial decisions because I'm the only one working and don't make enough to support us all anyway, so what is there to discuss? He tends to hide things from me, but unfortunately as someone who has been lied to most of my life, I am suspicious to begin with and find out what he's hiding (such as his recent viewing of porn online). Even when confronted, my husband doesn't have much to say... so... I guess I'm open, he's not, but I'm too busy working and trying to pay the bills to worry much about anything else right now.

Jodi - posted on 06/09/2010

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My husband I don't have any secrets, and we can talk about everything, but that doesn't necessarily mean we DO talk about everything and make ALL decisions together. And we run 2 businesses together, so obviously it is critical that we communicate.



Honestly? I don't think EVERY decision needs to be made together. That would be just impossible. I think it comes down to agreeing on what sort of decision WE consider to be a major decision.



Some couple just can never agree on what they believe the important decisions are. That's when there is trouble. But not telling one another things is not the same as keeping secrets. I am often amazed at friends when overspending on the grocery bill becomes a major issue!!



Anyway, I think my point is that as a couple, you have to be on the same page about what the important decisions are. They are the ones to make together. Outside of that, does it really matter?



And I know you said it wasn't about your friend's situation, but I'd like to use it as an example of something. Maybe, to her, it wasn't a major, lifechanging decision, but to him it was, and that is one of those things that they were never on the same page about because they were brought up differently. Doesn't make any of it ok, but I think, as individuals, we can't always assume our partners would make the same decision we would, and it is another one of those things on the list of things we need to work on in our relationships.

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Melisa - posted on 07/01/2011

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I am pretty much open with my husband. I have to be or my conscience wouldn't allow me to rest. It is a shame that so many have to lie and hide parts of themselves from their partners.

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I don't tell him everything and sometimes lie to him about the small things, like how much things cost, but I don't lie about big things and I don't make major purchases without discussing it with him first, unless it's apresent for him. I think that you need to be honest most of the time, little lies ocassionally that don't have asignificant impact on finances or anything like that are ok.

Audenn - posted on 06/17/2010

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I think being honest is one thing and telling your boyfriend/husband everything is another. Some things are better left unsaid. Conversations should be productive, honest, and if something is bothering you then don't be afraid to say it! It all comes out eventually.

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I believe in being open and honest in a relationship. Now the hard part is finding a guy that feels the same way.

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We discuss everything. We communicate a lot and that is a very important part of why we are so happy together.

Amber - posted on 06/11/2010

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my husband and I discuss everything. Even if we don't agree. We will get over the it. At least then we know we can always trust each other with our feelings or decisions and just maybe one of us has a point the other hadn't considered yet.

Stephany - posted on 06/10/2010

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I kinda boss my husband around lol. I tell him whats goin down and he gets to tell me his opinion and then I make the decision and he just follows along. It actually works. I guess u could say I wear the pants lol. I just let him think he can make decisions and stuff sometimes but really he just goes with the flow. Weve been married 2 years now and have our second baby due in August and weve always done things my way so I guess you could say it works lol

Sarah - posted on 06/10/2010

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my husband and i talk about alot of things! i always run things by him no matter if its just me going out with a friend or buying a big ticket item! he manages our money now but i used to do that when we first met! so now if i want to get anything thats not on our grocery list i ask him first to make sure we have the extra money to get it! my husband however isn't as open as i am! when we first met he would spend a couple hundred dollars and not tell me...luckily we shared a bank account so i knew about it in the end! now he is alot better at telling me things or telling me if he has plans! and after he invited some friends from work over to our apt and didn't tell me until i was on my way home from work (at 11pm and i was sick and ended up in the hospital a few days later!) he now asks if i'm okay with whoever coming over...which i'm usually fine with!) i think i just has to do with how we were raised! my parents are a great team, they always talk about things before making a final decision! where my husband's mother was sick and in a nursing home when he was 13 (she had really bad MS) and his dad didn't ask her about anything. i think it just matters what works best for you guys!

Brenda - posted on 06/10/2010

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My husband & I talk about everything...the good, the bad, and the ugly. I think it makes us a really strong couple so we can be strong for our kids. It also teaches our children that there is not a subject in this world that they cannot talk to one or the other or both of us about. My husband and I are really good friends with another couple that fight constantly and about the silliest things, but they never talk to each other. My husband and I have been married 14 years and I will admit that frank discussions are not always easy, but we can do it and in the long run we are just that much closer because we can talk. Best wishes to you Heather!

Jami - posted on 06/09/2010

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all major (and minor most of the time) decisions are joint efforts. if he were deployed things might change though.

Angie - posted on 06/09/2010

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My husband and I make all of our decision together. We never spend more than $50 without talking to each other. We sit down once a week and work on our calendars so we know what we need to do to organize our family.

Nikki - posted on 06/09/2010

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My husband is my best friend I tell him EVERYTHING. We make every decision together. I dont have anything to hide from him. I think its great for our relationship because we are so open and honest and we don't bottle things up and let them explode later and cause problems

Sherri - posted on 06/09/2010

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My husband and I are pretty open and discuss everything. Even the things that I don't want to talk to him about usually when I have really messed something up. I hold out for a day or two but always end up spilling my guts to him.

Elisabeth - posted on 06/09/2010

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I tell my husband everything, when it came right down to it I don't think I could look at my husband and just lie straight to his face. We like to talk to each other though, we always have time for each other, we are friends that are comfortable with each other. But it's pretty easy for us because we are very similar to each other when it comes to making decissions, always seem to be thinking the same thing. But in saying that I don't ring him up and ask him what brand of toilet paper he wants everytime I go to buy it, um I think I can figure that one out on my own, although I know thats not what you were trying to imply, but yea anything that needs to be discussed will be.

Keri - posted on 06/09/2010

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We don't discuss every single decision with each other, but for the major things we do talk before deciding anything. We don't keep anything from each other or lie about anything.

Louise - posted on 06/09/2010

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No everything is discussed together. We have a joint bank account and there is no hiding anything. We are a team and make all important decisions together that why nobody can say that they did not have there say. Thats all a part of an equal happy relationship!

Heather - posted on 06/09/2010

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I've been thinking about this all afternoon  My opinion is that every relationship is different and every relationship evolves in different ways. Also a lot depends on the definition of what is and isn't important.

As Jodi said, it helps when you are on the same page. In the early days, before we were completely on the same page, there were lots of joint decisions that today one or the other could make singularly knowing that either would have done the same thing.

I work in the same company as my husband so although we try and limit it, work comes home and home comes to work! We have a constant dialogue and that continues when he travels (Skype, email, sms, etc). We have no secrets, at the same time we don’t decide everything together.

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My husband and I have no secrets and we make decisions together. If we don't agree with each other, we compromise.

La - posted on 06/08/2010

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We talk about everything. There are no secrets. I don't make any important decisions without running them by him (and he does the same to me). When an issue comes up that we tend to disagree on, I pick my battles wisely...I've learned to avoid a lot of unnecessary arguments simply by letting go of the issues that really don't matter to me as much as they do to him.

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My hubby and I discuss everything, we don't hide things or lie to each other - I think it is the key to a strong and healthy relationship. Also we definately talk through decisions with each other - ultimately it is our own descion what we do (usually what we have decided is the best thing between us). I don't know how people have relationships where they are not open with each other.

Tracy - posted on 06/08/2010

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I was that way with my ex, but that was because he wanted me to take care of everything, then would get angry that I didn't do it HIS way. Of course, I never knew what was going on. I'd get home from work, exhausted on a Friday, only to find out that I'd have 20 minutes to change, clean up and get ready for company.

My bf and I talk about everything, even though he generally defers to me on most issues. We like to be on the same page with everything, it makes life SO much easier. I still have a little hold over fear from time to time that he'll get mad. Like a few weeks ago when I had a little fender bender. He didn't, he hugged me, told me it wasn't a big deal and we'd get through it.

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