Open Adoption?

Betty - posted on 04/12/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have one lil boy that will be 2 april 14th... and then i have another lil boy that was born august 26th, 10 and i have a physical disability and i new i couldnt take care of two so i gave my 2nd son up for adoption to a loving nice family.. but how do u move on with ur life after doing that.. please dont judge me for this i just need some advice on how to truely move on with my life but still keep him in my life with pics and letters?

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Tina - posted on 04/12/2011

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I have been in your shoes, well kind of I released my first born now 10 for an open adoption. I now have 3 more children. (a lot due to changes in my situation on why I had more children.) I am going to be the last person to judge you. I will tell you that you will hear a lot of neg. but hopefully more positive. I think that it takes someone very open hearted and open minded to release a child for an open adoption, and a second child at that. As for the moving on part of your life, It takes time and lots of it.
I have an open adoption myself, and it still hurts to see him or not have him with me and my children during the holidays. One of the best things that I did for myself as an out was I spoke to teenage moms about some of the choices that they have and my personal story. Because as you know adoption is much different then what most people think of it as from not that long ago.
Another thing I do still to this day is I write letters to him. some I can send to him now. The others I keep for him when he gets older and has a lot of questions. I also look for people like you that I can talk to in groups like this. For the days that I am feeling down it helps to talk to someone. I have also gone to therapy. hope some of this helps if yu need some one to talk to let me know.

Louise - posted on 04/12/2011

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I think what you have done is wonderful to recognise that you could not take care of this child, actively finding him a happy home is the most selfless thing I have ever heard. The pain you must of experienced when handing him over must of been immence. It must help you greatly that the family wont to keep in touch with pictures and letters that must be of some comfort. What you need to do is get some sort of decorative box and place in there your memories of your son and every time something is sent to you add that to the pile. This way when you are feeling low you can get the box out and read through it. But you need to move on as well with your older son. There is nothing wrong with wondering about your child this is normal but you need to put your energy into raising your son and do this to the best of your ability. Try and live life to the full and do as much as you can. You have given your baby away to have a better life than you feel you can offer and to be able to concerntrate on the older son. That was the hard bit now you have to raise that first son to be a happy confident boy who has a mum that loves him to bits and is happy.

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