Opinions on eating dinner together as a family.

Stifler's - posted on 08/18/2010

My boyfriend does that too!! he's always whingeing about indigestion. We used to always sit and the table but these days I can't remember the last time. He used to get up and leave when he was done until I put the foot down on everyone staying at the table until everyone else was done.

Jenn - posted on 08/18/2010

I grew up with a family that had dinner together and we would talk and stuff. I try to do the same for my family but Brian didn't grow up that way so he doesn't see the point. He eats his food so fast he gets indigestion then as soon as he's done he gets up from the table. I wish he would see it as something important - especially when the kids are older and in school, sometimes that's the only chance you get as a family to talk together.

Angela - posted on 08/18/2010

We sit and eat together every night almost and when daddy is not home due to working late my kids notice (they are 2 and 5) BUT we have a small TV in the dinning room up on the wall and we watch the news during dinner. It was my compromise with my husband cause he didnt do family dinners as a kid and I did and think its really important. However at first the TV was a distraction but now there's more conversation and we hardly watch the tv unless something very interesting pops on the news (like the weather) so it doesnt bother me as much and at least my family is all in 1 room.

Vana - posted on 08/18/2010

This is so important I can't think of what to say. It is a time when the family can interact with each other and learn what is going and also a very good time to teach table manners which doesn't seem to happen very much any more

Bonnie - posted on 08/18/2010

I feel the same as you. I feel it is very important for families to eat together. Sometimes it is the only time they get together and share what has happened in their day. Since you husband is with your son all day, perhaps he needs a break. Maybe you can give him some alone time after you get home from work or carve out another time that is his alone time. As a compromise, perhaps he can have dinner with the family two or three days a week. I am sure he wants some time to just devote to what he wants to do. Find a way to compromise and take things in small steps.

Tina - posted on 08/18/2010

I think your husband is looking for a reason to sit and mope...and he probably doesn't feel like he has anything to contribute to conversation at the dinner table. You mentioned "currently" the only source of income- if he was laid of he may need a new sense of purpose as a 9 yr old is pretty self sufficient from my guess...
Does he have hobbies? There has to be another way you guys can connect as a family that everybody enjoys.

We eat dinner together every night though for the most part.(My husband does have classes some nights in the fall) ...

Rachael - posted on 08/18/2010

Yes you need to insist on sitting down to eat as a family. Also maybe implement one night a week to be family night where you do an activity together, go out to dinner, on a hike, to a movie, play a game. But yes eating as a family is important.

Jeanne - posted on 08/18/2010

I think it is very important to eat your meals together and discuss the days goings on and keep the lines of communication open so your children know they can talk to you about anything. You never know when something could happen that could rob you of that. You can also make it a fun time of just being together as the days get so busy. Show your children their days activities are important too.

Isabel - posted on 08/18/2010

That is a poor excuse that now families don't sit together any more for meals, since I was a child my parents always had us all to sit at the table together, and a family that eats together , also does everything together, keep on trying ok? best regards Isabel

Karen - posted on 08/18/2010

We always sit at the table to eat. One reason is that with 4 children it's too messy to eat anyehere else. I also like to teach my children table manners and just talk about the day with them. I say do whatever works for you though.

Wendy - posted on 08/17/2010

Well, I understand because I am tempted to eat at the computer and my husband is tempted to eat in front of the TV!!! Here's what we do: Eat at the table with music on the TV or a game if it's something we all want to watch. We have sacred Sunday's where that is one meal that we eat together, no matter what. Surely you can all come up with one night a week that you eat as a family! I think it's a great way to stay connected and "relate" to those you're in relationships with! Good luck and God bless!

Kristine - posted on 08/17/2010

Is it possible that after being a stay at home dad all day he just wants some personal time? Maybe you could compromise -- dinner together as a family and then some time for him to unwind and be himself for a while.

My husband and I are often in the opposite position where he's worked all day and comes home wanting family time and I just want a break. We compromised on him watching the baby and making dinner while I work out a couple days a week. Then we eat together when I get home.

Dee - posted on 08/17/2010

I think it is very important to eat together as a family. We always stressed this to our children growing up. I have been unable to work for some time. It made our connection to each other stronger.What happened in school, at work, what was going on in the world, etc. Conversation, communication is key. Our children are grown now and have moved on... my husband and I still make it a point to eat together. It may not always be at the dining room table, this whole summer we have sat on the front porch swing enjoying conversation, getting caught up with our days happenings, while eating our dinners. We didn't always sit at the dining room table when the children were growing up. I remember many times, putting a movie on and we would gather in the living room. We often ate outside on a picnic table for change too.

Perhaps a casual dinner together in the living room together would work for you and your family? Friday night pizza night or such in front of the tv with a movie. Your husband may think not too many families eat together, but I can assure you, many do eat together. Best of luck to you.

Gianna - posted on 08/17/2010

It is very important to sit and eat together as a family. It is a time to come together at the end of a day, talk and share things and be together as a family. It is a time to be thankful for what you have and for one another. It is a time to bond. Show him this link from Time magazine: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/articl...,9171,1200760,00.html. One of the most compelling parts of the article says, "In fact, it's the experts in adolescent development who wax most emphatic about the value of family meals, for it's in the teenage years that this daily investment pays some of its biggest dividends. Studies show that the more often families eat together, the less likely kids are to smoke, drink, do drugs, get depressed, develop eating disorders and consider suicide, and the more likely they are to do well in school, delay having sex, eat their vegetables, learn big words and know which fork to use. "If it were just about food, we would squirt it into their mouths with a tube," says Robin Fox, an anthropologist who teaches at Rutgers University in New Jersey, about the mysterious way that family dinner engraves our souls. "A meal is about civilizing children. It's about teaching them to be a member of their culture."
Hopefully that will be enough to change his mind. Good luck! :)
Read more: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/articl...,9171,1200760,00.html#ixzz0wvuUineN

Kellie - posted on 08/17/2010

Thank you for this thread, Leslie. My husband is also a not-at-the-table eater (I push for special occasions, but that's it) and I'm hoping to get him into it soon for the sake of our daughter (7 months). I want her to learn good table manners, to spend time with us, and also not drop food in the lounge! :-D It's great to know lots of other people still sit down at the table to eat - thank you.

Fenella - posted on 08/17/2010

I believe it is the most important part of every member of the families day - to spend time talking to each other and catching up. We do it every day, and it is the best part of my day!

Julie - posted on 08/17/2010

Well I was basically raised by my grandparents and my grand father always made us turn off the tv and etc... So I guess that was a few things that I took with me. But to me dinner time is family time. Im a single mom but to me it still is family time.

Debbie - posted on 08/17/2010

Studies show that kids in familes that eat meals together have better grades in school. I don't know that I'd take it personally, though. It may be that your husband feels like that's his time to sit back and relax. If you can't talk him into eating with you and your son, you could try having family time every evening at a specified time. Like, for 30 minutes before you son goes to bed, the three of you could sit down and discuss the day or read together. I know that will get harder as your son grow older and joins sports teams or has school activities, but you could find some time during the evening to talk. It doesn't even have to be for an extended amount of time. You just have to show your son you're a family and instill those values. It doesn't matter when you're together, as long as you're together.

Betsy - posted on 08/17/2010

I think it is inportant. Mealtimes is the best time for relaxed conversation with children. Finding out what they are thinking and what's going on in their lives,

Yvonne - posted on 08/17/2010

I like most answers and in particular yours Melanie. We eat together. My husband and I both grew up with families that eat together so that's what we do. I had no idea this was not the norm until I got feedback from a visitor who remarked how wonderful it was the way we sat together to eat the family meal. His family had never done this and really enjoyed the time we had over the meal. Since then we have had numerous other people come and join us for a meal. Anyone who doesn't do this at home always makes a +ive comment on it. So seek out more positive reasons for doing something that seems to be going out of "fashion." If this is what your husband grew up with it will be very difficult for him to change. Maybe small steps, perhaps one meal a week together, then increasing to two. You will need to make it worth his while to come to the table. He used to being "entertained" while eating. It will take a lot of time, patience and effort to help him come to enjoy family meal time.

Melanie - posted on 08/17/2010

OMG! How can he give you that answer? Just look at society today and note that fast food, and tv dinners are definitely a large percentage to blame! I think it is crucial to eat together! It is one hour a day where you can all forget about everything else and just enjoy one another :) Also, crossed fingers it won't be necessary, it is a time when a child can feel 100% safe and secure and know that its parents are there for it. This could be the only time a child would admit to being bullied, being offered drink/drugs/sex etc. Make the time else you may regret it in the future! Good luck :)

Deanna - posted on 08/17/2010

Yeah I have the same problem with my husband but I hold great store in eating together as a family. My girls have just had to get used to daddy not being a part of our family meals. He doesnt' get to hear the stuff we did that day, or what our favorite part of the day was, or why, or even anything new we have coming up or going on in our lives. It is sad but I can't force him or he just becomes an ass.

Karen - posted on 08/17/2010

Eating together as a family helps all the family to connect, bond, and communicate. Your children will grow up fast and be gone. You need to enjoy the time you have together while you can. Everyone can schedule their own free time at another time. I hope you can convince him how important this is for your family.

Kiersten - posted on 08/17/2010

Without trying to sound opinionated at all, but I think it is a really important and valuable thing to eat together as a family at the table. My son is four and we not only sit at the table (that he has to prepare before dinner) but we also turn all the tv's off. We then get to sit down and talk to each other in a quiet environment without any distractions. It is really lovely to be able to talk to him about his day at preschool, as well as have a proper conversation with my partner about what has happened in our day.
It also gives my son the opportunity to witness communication and sharing amongst myself and my partner, which will be an important lesson for him as he grows up and starts participating in relationships too.
It is a little upsetting to think your husband actively avoids sitting at the table despite your asking him to. He is missing out on bonding with both of you. I would be asking him why he is so adamantly refusing to sit at the table.
The nasty side of me would probably then refuse to cook him the dinner he so fervently takes to the TV/computer ;) teehee. But seriously, it sounds like something you should discuss with him further and try and get to the bottom of.

Sherri - posted on 08/17/2010

Lindsey said it. Dinner time gives you a time to talk and really interact with eachother, especialy when the child gets older and school starts and really dinner time is the only time you really have to talk to eachother cause you're together.

Kathy - posted on 08/17/2010

I think it's really essential that the TV be off. If you're concentrating on catching up with the news, you're not going to be concentrating on catching up on your family. Find a 24 hr news channel and watch it after dinner.

Lindsey - posted on 08/17/2010

I believe that having a time together during the day as a family is important. The evening meal seems to be the most logical time in most families to sit down and relax and spend time together and in my family, this is the case most days. My husband was once like yours and did not want to sit at the table with the family either. However, he was working at the time. If your husband is a stay at home dad and has the entire day to be at home in front of the computer he should try to make an exception for a period of a half hour in the evenings. I know (from personal experience) how hard it can be to try to get a very stubborn male to want to change his ways on something like this.
Some pointers if you would like to try to get him to make the change. With my husband, started making the change by changing the type of foods we were eating first. This may sound odd, but I started making foods that were messier or more inconvenient for him to eat while sitting in his La-Z-Boy. I also started bring the the three children in to the living room in to eat with him. This he did not like at all because it interrupted what he considered to be "his" time. When I pointed out that I only wanted him to spend a short amount of time with the family for "our" time, he started getting the hint, but yet not enough. So then I started planning family outtings and other things to do as a family that took away more of his time to do the things that he wanted. He started coming to the table when he finally got the hint.
My husband doesn't take well to me telling him how I feel, so I have to use subtle hints. We have been married 13 years now and have been having dinners at the family table for about 6 of those years (since our son was born and I got him trained). Two years ago, we experienced a major flood in our area and had to move our family of 5 in to a 30 foot camper. There wasn't enough room for everyone to sit together to eat (or do much else). The stress of the flood combined with a severe lack of family time brought us very close to the brink of divorce. My 15-year-old stepdaughter explains having dinner at the table as a place where everything is calm and we can all sit down and talk with out being distracted by everything else. She actually said that she feels like it is a safe place. We have only had full custody of her for the past three years and the prior twelve years of her life she had never had a meal at a table except for holidays at her maternal grandmothers. There is something to be said for the security the children can feel from this also. The one thing I would say is even if your husband is not participating, you should still enjoy the meal with your son. On a very rare occassion I give in and let the kids eat in the living room with dad if hes not feeling well or as a special treat. But if he is just being stubborn, the kids and I ignore him and eat our meal at the table as usual. If this happens, I usually try to make more of the meal so the children don't notice his abscence as much.

Lois - posted on 08/17/2010

when I was a kid the familie dinner table was a battle-ground where my parents fought,my Dad yelled about our eating habits,ect, my ex-husband did the same to my kids ( I wouldn't fight with him but he used the time to critisise the kids-to the point of tears)It could be that your husband has simmalar memories and thinks of famlie dinner as being a very unhappy thing. It might also be that he wants some down-time and feels that this is the only way he will get it,or he just wants ONE THING that he can controle. My family rarely sits together at the table,we are scatterd in too meny directions-and there are too many hurtful memmories of being told all the things one or more of us has done wrong for me to push it.

Rachael - posted on 08/17/2010

i think it's a good idea to eat at least some of the meals together as a family, but it isn't always possible due to conflicting schedules. in our house we eat in front of the tv and we don't eat together because our schedules don't go and we don't have a dining room table

Keri - posted on 08/17/2010

We eat together every night. We have a no TV during dinner and no toys at the table rule. It is really a nice time of the day for us. There are exceptions and special occassions. There are some families where the parents have jobs at opposite times, so eating together is difficult. I grew up in a home where we ate dinner together every night that was possible. I feel like eating as a family is very important. As they get older and busier... it can become more difficult. Our kids have to help out as well. Someone is chef's helper, so they spend a bit of extra time with mom, which is fun. Others have to help afterward... they clear and wash the table, sweep the floor, or load the dishwasher. Even though we are doing little chores, it gives us more family time... doing something together.

Keri - posted on 08/17/2010

We eat dinner as a family as often as possible. I think that it is incredible important for the kids. By not wanting to sitting down with you and your son it is sending a message that neither of you are important enough to take up his time. Or at least that is what it says to me.

Amity - posted on 08/17/2010

We eat every meal at the table as a family, excluding lunch during the week when my husband is at work but I still sit down with the kids during lunch.

It is one of the most important things you can do as a family as it may be the only time kids get to see adult conversations, adult manners and adult relationships being modeled to them. The rest of the day is so busy that often my husband and I find the only time we have to talk is over dinner with the kids and just before we go to sleep. It is important for kids to see their parents interacting in a healthy way.
It may also be the only time they can communicate with you properly when you can give them your total attention instead of talking to them while you're cooking or cleaning or on the phone. Just think when they are teenagers it will be difficult to change this pattern and they won't see the value of sitting down together if the father is not modeling that behaviour.
I think it is really important for their eating habits too. Eating in front of the computer and tv encourage over eating so that is something you don't want to encourage your son to do.
I think you are right to request your husband to eat with you as a family. Maybe you could ask him to try it for a week and ask your son and husband to comment on the experience at the end of the week. You may find your son really wants his dad there and that your husband did enjoy it.

Christine - posted on 08/17/2010

We eat dinner as a family every night, and are fortunate enough to eat breakfast and lunch together most days since my husband works close enough to come home for lunch. If not, the kids and I at least eat together at the table. I grew up eating in front of the tv a lot, and think it's nice to have some family time, especially since kids grow up so fast. Plus, it gives a chance to talk and have some undivided attention on each others day. I've seen research articles on the benefits of sitting down as a family for a meal, so bonus!

Jenny - posted on 08/17/2010

Who makes the meal? If you make the meal I think it is even more rude that he doesn't sit with the family for dinner. The act of eating dinner takes about 10 minutes and the fact that he can't handle that is ridiculous. This is setting a bad example. And his reasoning that most people don't do it anymore so he should not have to is pathetic. I would not stand for it! How we eat as a family is just as important as what we eat! This can also be used as a great time to talk as a family.

Effielow - posted on 08/17/2010

As children we always ate dinner together, weekends we ate breakfast tog also. When raising my daughters we ate dinner tog as much as possible until they were in upper teens and had jobs and that interferred. TYhey both have families and eat dinner as a family as much as possible. Great time to catch up, bond and be tog.

Bridget - posted on 08/17/2010

I TOTALLY believe in sitting down as a family for dinner. there may be 1 night (fridays) we do not sit down as a family. It helps teach the kids family values int he long run

Jennifer - posted on 08/17/2010

He may be right that many families don't eat together anymore, but take a look at what has happened to our youth since families did. Studies have shown that sitting down as a family for dinner and asking your child about their day creates a stronger bond within the family and those children tend to have less issues as a teen. Your husband needs to understand that eating dinner together truly is a bonding thing and taking that little bit of time is the least he can do for the family.

Erin - posted on 08/17/2010

It is extremely important for so many reasons. Some one did post a link, and they are so many more that you can fine. Not ony is it good for family time, it helps to fight obesity, helps manners (as long as everyone at the table is using them) but it also gives an example to your child about proper relationships between husband and wife. It is so important that children see that their parents are in love with each other and have a solid friendship to model when they grow up.

Ramona Lemon - posted on 08/17/2010

My children are grown now, but they always comment to me of how they look back with fond memories of our family eating at the table together. I believe this is very important and it also gives you time to have a discussion on the daily happenings of your children face to face, not traveling down the road in the car. If because of sports we didn't eat every night at the table then we always ate together from Friday-Sunday. It was great. When our kids would invite friends over for dinner, their friends were surprised that we ate at the table and loved it.

Dalinda - posted on 08/17/2010

LOL! Very important, if you don't want your kids to eat with their mouths open, elbows on the table and in 15 minutes. I do enjoy dinner time when we can sit down as a family not just to instill good eating habbits but also just to hear my family talk about the day or laugh about something. Dinner together is very important.

Claire - posted on 08/17/2010

our family rarely ever eats together at the table. in fact we all eat at different times due to schedules. i think the only time we really eat as a family is when we go out to eat or at holiday functions. it hasn't been a problem for us. i guess if it bothers you, you may want to talk to him about it and see what he says. good luck!

Penny - posted on 08/17/2010

I believe its a great idea for the family to sit down to dinner every night. It brings you closer together, you have to talk so you find out how everyones day went and if there is anything coming up that someone forgot to mention. Maybe you can ask your husband to give you at least 3 nights at the dinner table with you and your son and soon he will find that he enjoys it and it will be an every day habit. Good luck

Kathy - posted on 08/17/2010

We have breakfast together every morning. My husband is a pastor so he's not always at home for dinner.
I really think your husband should sit down at a meal with you and your child once a day. If he is a stay at home dad he has plenty of opportunities during the day when you are at work and your son is at school to eat in front of the tv or computer.

Lily - posted on 08/17/2010

It sounds like maybe your husband is in need of down-time after staying home all day with your son. Maybe you could offer him a compromise of some peace and quiet after dinner while you handle the bedtime routine. Or...choose a different meal to eat as a family. My husband and I both work, but also place high value on sharing at least one family meal per day so we shoot for breakfast as the primary option with dinner as a back-up.

Sally - posted on 08/17/2010

I make it a point to eat together as much as possible. My husband works long hours and I am a sahm so for me it is important for the kids to get in as much dad time as possible. Then we discuss our day and have some laughs.

Jennifer - posted on 08/17/2010

it is very important for us to reconnect as a family on a daily basis! we get together even if the meal is a quick thrown together meal, because we are on the run for sports or other activities! this helps us stay focused on everyones activities and keep up to date with how we all feel on a regular basis! if one of us could not be present it is just not the same, we are very routine oriented and our youngest child will have issues, even if he knows in advance that someone will not be present!

Janice - posted on 08/17/2010

Insist that he does. Tell him it is giving a bad example to your son. No excuses. What's 30 mins. He has the rest of the day to play on computers.

Jennifer Ann Saunders - posted on 08/17/2010

I think eating together as a family is very important. My family did growing up and we do as a family now. It has taught our son to sit and eat dinner, and we take him out all the time and he is well behaved. My inlaws let the kids run around and eat and they never sit down. Eating out is a pain.

It is a good family tradition. TV should not be more important than quality time with your child.

Good luck. It is hard to train husbands too! =)

Leslie - posted on 08/17/2010

We eat meals at the table EVERY night and EVERY meal on the weekends. This is extremely important to me. We do not have tv to watch, as both my husband and I feel it is just pure smut! Also, ALL forms of electronics are banned from my table. Meal time is family time and when our nation got away from this, I believe it is one of the major problems in our society.

Amanda - posted on 08/17/2010

we ate together for awhile and when we would go out our kids acted like lil angels cause they knew what we expected of us at the table when we moved into out new house our kitchen was too small and only room for our 3 kids to sit at the table now when we go out they act up more i would love to sit at the table with the kids more granted where we sit now we can see all 3 kids but its not the same im hopein and prayin that our house lone comes threw cause this other house has a huge kitchen :)