Oral sex is not sex

Dorothy - posted on 01/17/2010 ( 204 moms have responded )

2

4

0

My 23 yr old daughter and I were conversing about how teens and young adult believe that oral sex is not sex. She believes that intercourse is the only type of sex because is only used when there is love/caring. I had overheard other teens make this statement too. I was wondering how many parents have heard of this opinion by teens and young adults?

This conversation has been closed to further comments

204 Comments

View replies by

Ainsley - posted on 01/20/2010

23

11

0

I believe oral sex is sex .... if it has the possibility of either person orgasming its a form of sex... plain and simple.

Kimberly - posted on 01/20/2010

1

6

0

Oral sex is still a form of sex, no matter what you call it. I think that when young adults, teens, and preteen think of sex they only think of intercourse in the biblical sense (because that is what they teach in school). But as parents, it is our job to educate our children on the "ways of the world", and when you sit down to have that sex talk i believe all forms of sex should be included. Especially because it also has to do with health safety, i.e. AIDS & STD's. Better to keep our kids safe then sorry, no matter how uncomfortable the conversation might be.

Deborah - posted on 01/20/2010

1

0

0

It is an intimate act between two people. It is sex. We have to be careful expaining these things to young people. They think is is okay becuse there is no intercourse. However, oral sex i believe is even more intimate and you should be responsible when doing it. We must teach our children that they must be responsible and not just have sex to have sex. It should be with a special person who is mature and can handle all the consequence. Really should be married. I know that may appear old scholl. But we have too many baby mama and baby daddies. Children need both parents to grow up and bring back family values.

Charlie - posted on 01/20/2010

11,203

111

401

The problem is the immaturity at which the decision to give oral is ok assuming its not sex .
It travels a dangerous path of making oral sex a mere insignificant act when its far from insignificant , now i am no prude and i do believe sex before marriage is ok with a person you love however some and i by no means mean all people who have this idea of oral is not sex make the mistake of giving it a lot more freely and willingly , the problem with this is as they age and grow into maturity they realize ( hopefully ) what a large mistake their actions might have been in this misguided belief .
We all know sex and sexual acts feel good but a hormonal teen in a heated situation very rarely thinks about consequences such as reputation , mental and physical well being and irreversible STD's.

Laura - posted on 01/20/2010

3

3

0

i am 22 yrs old and i believe that oral sex is sex..people just say that to make themselves feel better about it

Kathy - posted on 01/20/2010

462

15

68

Being a mother of a teen girl, I an all too aware of this idea. I have always been very open with my daughter about sex, taking care of her female body, the emotions that females have that comes with sex. We discuss the safety of ALL sex. Parents need to have an open and honest dialouge with ther teen where sex is concerned. Teens do have the mentality that they are safe from harm. It is my responsibility to teach my children how to be safe in all situations including sexual ones.

Marquita - posted on 01/20/2010

49

51

3

Bridgett Deshotel
yesterday, 10:59 pm
i met my husband when i was in highschool...i have only had him and one other partner in my life im 25 years old and i never did oral sex with the other guy....only my husband!!! and i knew the other guy for two years before we had sex..... i find that people use that as an excuse to make them feel like its ok to do it...when in reality you can still catch a STD...and its very disrespectful to yourself to just do it to whoever same as sex, just because its said not to be looked at as sex....your still talked about in the locker room all the same..lol

....... yes that is true u still can catch stds and im sure all of us are very aware of that. but how ever i believe that the ppl who are saying oral is not sex are not saying oral isnt a part of sex.. when i think of sex i think of actual guys penis goin in my ho haw.. i dont think of it as foreplay even tho it is a form of sex. if you walk up to a guy and say do u want to have sex he is going to tell u to bend over so he can put it in.. he isnt going to say lets 69 an be done with it.. :D srry dont mean to b so graphic ahaha.. an not every girl give oral to random guys just to make them happy i never did just to my partners that i was involved with but that doesnt always mean we had actual sex :D


---I am sorry, but I have to disagree. I think the oral sex is sex. Yes, lots of people use this as a form of foreplay, but you have to realize the key word...oral SEX! Put it this way...If a woman stands on a street corner and waits for a man to approach her to pay her for a sexual favor, regardless if it were vaginal, anal, or oral sex, it would still be a sexual act. If this man just so happened to be an undercover police officer, and arrested the woman of soliciting, wouldn't the charges be the same no matter what form of sex she performed. If someone over the age of 18, performs a sexual act with someone under the age of 18 and is caught and punished by law, are the charges less severe if it is just oral or anal sex? What if it is an unwanted sexual act? This is what I think about the question that was asked. I took the question as, Is oral sex still sex and not what is oral sex to you...the real deal, or just a tease before the big act. You can also think about it this way, If you have a 12 yr old daughter and happened to walk in on her either giving or receiving oral sex, would you not be upset or angry about it because it's JUST ORAL SEX and not the big act!?! ...Not trying to offend you, but just wanted to get my own point across. There are so many young people these days contracting STD's because they think it's just nothing.

Stephanie - posted on 01/20/2010

8

16

1

It IS sex. It is an intimate act between two people and while pregnancy is not an issue- STD's is. There is incorrect thinking on this topic. Our youth are becomming desensitized because sex is used to sell everything everywhere. I have two little girls! I have my work cut out for me. Sigh.

Kim - posted on 01/20/2010

2

0

0

It all goes back to virginity or not virginity. I think most girls believe that if they have not lost their virginity they have not had sex. Although everyone thinks teenagers are so easy nowadays, I'm not so sure. They try to please the boys, but are still afraid to go all the way. It still means more. Hence, they don't think a BJ is sex. Just ask Bill Clinton. LOL

Linda - posted on 01/20/2010

1

38

0

I have 4 girls and a boy.. I have heard this and have discussed it with my children. They were quite embarrassed. I discussed that this may be even more intimate than actual intercourse, i mean.... Then we discussed that it IS called oral SEX not oral jumping rope, thus it must be sex. Regardless of what they are doing, being intimate with another should really be kept within the proper context, done prematurely it can lead to many emotional hurts and consequences that last a lifetime...

[deleted account]

There are some on here that believe that oral sex is one sided, I'm glad I have to disagree with that. Giving and receiving oral sex in a loving, caring, committed relationship can be wonderful for BOTH partners. It most definately is sex.

Sara - posted on 01/20/2010

2

0

0

Did you notice the "sex" in "Oral Sex"??? It most certainly is sex. Yes, I hear this often. We have former president Bill Clinton to thank for this skewed opinion about oral sex. Do you think Hillary agrees that Bill "did not have sex with that woman"? I think not. I've also heard a psychiatrist tell someone that your husband did not cheat on you if he didn't have intercourse with another woman. Now how many wives would be ok with their husbands "not cheating" with another woman?
Dorothy, tell your 23 year old daughter that her theory about love/caring means sex does not hold water. In fact her statement is laughable because so many people have intercourse without caring about each other. In addition, oral sex is a part of many loving and caring relationships. She and those of that mind frame have found semantics to justify their actions in their own minds. Much like former president Bill Clinton.

Vickie - posted on 01/20/2010

127

14

7

HOT TOPIC! It is sex and while one can't get pregnant from oral sex, there are any number of diseases that can come from it.

CHARMAINE - posted on 01/20/2010

1

10

0

Although theres no penetration its still sex. You can get the some of the same sexual deseases from oral sex.

[deleted account]

Well I am 25 and i think that Oral is its a form of sex but just like your daughter said many teens believed that is not sex b/c they are not using the "necessary" body parts. They belived that sex besides that is fun is to procreate and oral is only foreplay not the actual act. I know im not answering your question but just giving you my two cents. If it has the word sex in it then its sex regardless what body part you use.

[deleted account]

My 22 yo believes it is sex and so do I. It's crazy to say that it isn't. It involves sexual organs and can very well result in orgasm. IT IS SEX, and fun sex at that. :)

Ranee - posted on 01/20/2010

1

20

0

Ok, my reply to some people who thinks that its just foreplay. Let's keep it real now ladies, we as adults know that if we are in the act of giving or receiving oral sex, we know that it will also lead to intercourse and it does not matter if your with someone you love or someone you like for the day it still turns into sex at the end. Please ladies lets not confuse the child it's still sex to me Dorothy without a doubt.

User - posted on 01/20/2010

1

0

0

oral sex is GOOD SEX...LOL its fun to receive, fun to give, its ALL AROUND SOME OF THE BEST SEX EVER...lmfao

User - posted on 01/20/2010

1

2

0

Honestly! i think its a different type of sex because u still have contact with the person u are! i have heard that from some teens i know as well

Jeanne - posted on 01/20/2010

1

0

0

Why would anybody in this country, with a brain (especially female) believe that oral SEX isn't sex! Would any of us say OK to oral sex if our boss said to perform it for whatever reason? Somebody should alert the bosses of this "new" attitude so that the laws of our land can be changed so that women (and sometimes men) can be harassed without any type of defense. Is that what the proponents of this attitude want for themselves? Ladies, get real!

Natalya - posted on 01/20/2010

2

0

0

An experiment that myself and some of my single (at the time) friends did was, when we met a guy we either got to know him before even allowing a kiss, or we kissed before we got to know them. What we discovered while experimenting was that even kissing opens an emotional floodgate that is not there without 'the kiss'.
Being that a kiss could initiate unintentional emotion from within yourself, it can only serve to prove that 'oral sex' has got to be considered a 'sexual connection'.
I'm not sure how this effects a man, but for a woman I definitely believe that ANY sexual act creates some sort of bond (to different degrees for different people/acts). So yeah, I believe that oral sex = sex

Erin - posted on 01/20/2010

9

0

0

Like so many have itterated, oral sex is sex. There is vaginal sex and oral sex. You can still get an STD, it still is sexually arousing and culminates in the male orgasm. Not only is it sex, it's one sided sex. Why are our young girls and women finding their value through performing on a male and getting no reciprocation?? After it's finished, the boy got what he wanted and certainly isn't going to respect or care about the girl and her pleasure. This is a very dangerous phenomenon and is absolutely detrimental to this generation of girls and their sense of self worth and self-esteem. It is also detrimental to the next generation of men. They are learning to view women as objects, as things that they can use to get what they want. This leads to violence against women, when they aren't considered as a human being.



We need to teach our girls that not only is it sex, it is selfish and one-sided sex that gives the boys pleasure but does not return the favor for the girl. Girls need to value themselves for the people that they are, not what they can do for others. I could go on and on about this as a sign of real social pathology and the way our society views girls and women and the way girls and women view themselves. It's bad news all the way around. I'm not saying oral sex always devalues women, when it is done in a loving relationship when the man loves and cares for the woman and treats her respectfully and also cares about giving her sexual pleasure as well - but this phenomenon of girls giving boys blow jobs at school and on the school bus is pathological. Anyone caught doing this should have to attend a class about valuing women (the boy) and valuing oneselft (the girl)

Jolene - posted on 01/20/2010

1

0

0

oral sex is sex.. i havent heard that saying before but when ever is come to pants down and other things going on it is some kind of sex...

Kathie - posted on 01/20/2010

19

0

0

Oral sex is sex. Intercouse is sex. If someone is giving you the big O, I would call that sex.

Loey - posted on 01/20/2010

2

12

0

Exactly Kimberly - Interesting twist you put here on the Lesbian relationships....Like some one posted earlier - you can claim you are only licking a lollypop - not eating it. LOL

Kimberly - posted on 01/20/2010

5

13

0

Fascinating! Oral Sex is sex just not intercourse. On some levels it is more intimate than intercourse because your face is right THERE...in the nitty gritty; not to mention that Sexually Transmitted Diseases are still transferable. The virginity factor doesn't seem to play into it so I can see where it's not deemed by some as sex but really it's foolish to limit sex to intercourse.,,consider lesbian relationships, I'm sure that they are having sex but there is no penis involved or gay men have it without vaginas.

Loey - posted on 01/20/2010

2

12

0

I have heard this many times. The definition and description of what oral copulation is - is in the title - oral SEX! It is a different type of SEX - but it is SEX none the less. Personally, for me, I think oral sex is the most INTIMATE sex there is. You can get a STD from Oral Sex - Herpes and Gonnorhea affects your mouth and throat - it doesn't get much more personal than that.

[deleted account]

If you just lick a lollipop, can you say you are not eating it? Same with oral sex; just cos its not 'all the way', it is still a sexual act. I agree with the other posts, people who say its not sex, just want to partake in something that will, under any other name, scar their conscience. : )

Adrianna - posted on 01/20/2010

7

21

0

I taught both middle school and high school, and I found that to be the "truth" among that age group. I am appalled at the lack of knowledge regarding sexuality and intimacy amongst young people.

Donna - posted on 01/20/2010

1

12

0

Have this conversation again with her when she has a teenage daughter and see if she still believes that it's not sex.

Donna - posted on 01/20/2010

1

12

0

I have heard that somewhat, and it is crap..Oral sex is just that.... ORAL SEX.. and to me it is very personal but you cannot get pregnant-you may be a virgin but you're having ORAL SEX, not sexual intercourse, which is another form of sex like, ANAL SEX-it's just that-it's all sex just different kinds..Sorry for being blunt but the truth is the truth..These girls doing all this oral are, in my opinion, are degrading themselves to stoop on that level with almost anyone because we all know men LOVE that and will settle with that anytime and have no worries about impregnating. To me, oral sex comes even later than intercourse because it's not as emotional but it's PERSONAL and could be GROSS with certain people. Times have changed and maybe it was like that a long time ago but not with my peers and me..I don't now anymore. By the way, I have 2 daughters, one almost 23 and one almost 19.

Kristina - posted on 01/20/2010

1

20

0

My daughter and I had this same conversation! I told her that anytime your unclothed and have personal parts exposed participating in some type of act...it is sex! Period! There are too many dangers of disease transmition not to mention the factor of not being mentally ready for the remifications that come along with that type of relationships!

C. - posted on 01/19/2010

4,125

35

238

Kelly, first of all you sound young since you called your vagina a hoo-haw. Sounds a bit immature (sorry but it's kind of true). You did have actual sex just by giving a guy oral sex, you just didn't have intercourse.

Kelly - posted on 01/19/2010

30

13

1

Bridgett Deshotel
yesterday, 10:59 pm
i met my husband when i was in highschool...i have only had him and one other partner in my life im 25 years old and i never did oral sex with the other guy....only my husband!!! and i knew the other guy for two years before we had sex..... i find that people use that as an excuse to make them feel like its ok to do it...when in reality you can still catch a STD...and its very disrespectful to yourself to just do it to whoever same as sex, just because its said not to be looked at as sex....your still talked about in the locker room all the same..lol

....... yes that is true u still can catch stds and im sure all of us are very aware of that. but how ever i believe that the ppl who are saying oral is not sex are not saying oral isnt a part of sex.. when i think of sex i think of actual guys penis goin in my ho haw.. i dont think of it as foreplay even tho it is a form of sex. if you walk up to a guy and say do u want to have sex he is going to tell u to bend over so he can put it in.. he isnt going to say lets 69 an be done with it.. :D srry dont mean to b so graphic ahaha.. an not every girl give oral to random guys just to make them happy i never did just to my partners that i was involved with but that doesnt always mean we had actual sex :D

C. - posted on 01/19/2010

4,125

35

238

IT IS sex!!! Foreplay for people that go all the way, a sexual act for some that don't want to go all the way, but still an act of sex! You are giving someone sexual gratification/pleasure, therefore it is considered sex! Good grief people.

Kelly - posted on 01/19/2010

30

13

1

i agree with lindsay hardy i do not believe oral sex is sex sex but foreplay.. it is a sex of some kind but not what we refer to as actual sex

Angie - posted on 01/19/2010

2

4

0

I Have to agree with Lindsay and think kids should just relax 7 enjoy being kids, the problem today is that kids wanna grow up too fast

Bridgett - posted on 01/19/2010

29

12

1

i met my husband when i was in highschool...i have only had him and one other partner in my life im 25 years old and i never did oral sex with the other guy....only my husband!!! and i knew the other guy for two years before we had sex..... i find that people use that as an excuse to make them feel like its ok to do it...when in reality you can still catch a STD...and its very disrespectful to yourself to just do it to whoever same as sex, just because its said not to be looked at as sex....your still talked about in the locker room all the same..lol

Kat - posted on 01/19/2010

1

0

0

Well, first of all The word SEX is in Oral SEX for a reason. It IS sex and STD's sexually transmitted diseases can be transferred that way just as easy as the other.

Tara - posted on 01/19/2010

1,289

24

206

I think a lot of kids are using the "oral sex isn't really sex" line to justify doing something that they really aren't comfortable doing yet. Most teenagers understand that whether you have sex with one person or many different people there are risks involved and they feel guilty for "playing the field" so to speak. By saying oral or even anal sex isn't really sex, they take the pressure off themselves for something they know isn't really good for them. I was lucky, my mom always made it quite clear that oral, anal, vaginal, etc were all forms of sex, and that if I was going to be sexually active I needed to protect myself. I didn't lose my virginity until I was in my 20's and it was because I waited until I was with someone I was comfortable with and cared about rather than bowing to peer pressure - unfortunately, many teens today buy into the "it's not really sex" because they feel they have less personal responsibility for it, and I think that's a really, really dangerous trend.

Anita - posted on 01/19/2010

1

1

0

To me oral sex is part of sex. There for justifiy it as sex. My kids are young and I tell would you wanna die from a blow job? You can get disease just the same as the actual intercourse.

Tiffany - posted on 01/19/2010

310

24

29

also I am 19... and that means i am a teenager and for all that are no longer teens.... It is sex to us, some of us just use the excuse that it isn't sex to sugar coat the idea of what we are doing... but there are feeling involved and it almost alway leads to real intercourse. parents if you are reading this don't freak out that makes the desire to do these things stronger try clamly talking about it, say i understand how you feel and if you are going to do it can we get you on birth control first and what type of condems do you need? but don't yell, don't ground them, I am willing to bet you wanted to or did have sex at there age. not only that but it is a little awkward useing the condoms your mom bought for you but when it comes to that moment you don't care. that type of passion is what gets to have unprotected sex even when we know its bad it seems worth it no matter what consiquence it might have

Tiffany - posted on 01/19/2010

310

24

29

I think it is sex.... I would never do oral sex for someone i didn't love plus you can pass just as many deseases that way even if you can't get pregnant that way

Aundrea - posted on 01/19/2010

22

18

1

Funny enough there was just something on the news about this where I live the other day. It is some sort of "epidemic" or so they called it. Apparently alot of teenage girls are thinking this way or I assume it wouldn't have been on the news.



I don't take a moral high-ground on these sorts of things as I was fairly young when I had sex-sex for the first time (wish I knew then what I do now LOL) but from a health perspective...You can get aids from a blow job. And because it isn't "intercourse" condoms are rarely involved with oral sex. The arguement being hey I can't get you pregnant so what is there to protect. Personally, I think oral sex in alot of ways is more dangerous. I don't know that it is as important to narrow down whether or not it is sex...more important is to understand there are just as many dangers involved with it as sex. Not only that but oral sex is a one way gratification. A woman gets no needs met from it...it is completely a "for his pleasure only" act in alot of ways so to me that should be saved for someone that deserves that kind of affection. If you have to put it in your mind it "isn't sex" to make it ok for you to do it...maybe its something deep down you don't really want to be doing. That probably didn't help much..just my thoughts :O)

Beth - posted on 01/19/2010

1

11

0

if oral sex is not considered "sex" then i guess when a man uses a condom then we are not really having intercouse because his penis isn't "touching" any part of me. the condom is. if only it worked that way in the eyes of God.

[deleted account]

A hundred years ago a girl in high school with me was caught by a coach giving a boy a bj in the boys bathroom. Was her reputation ruined? Yes. It was sex then, and it's sex now. And she's still a slut.

Maggie - posted on 01/19/2010

818

24

47

oral sex is sex...that's why it's called oral SEX. I have heard this tons of times. It's probably because it's "safer" and less intimate than intercourse. I still think that any type of sex should be reserved for one person but it seems that's an outdated expectation in today's world. I hope that if my children (one day in the FAR future) decide to have sex of any kind that they will do it safely.

Leanna - posted on 01/19/2010

13

53

0

it is sex,but its more foreplay which is often peformed before most people have sex its very common

Carolyn - posted on 01/19/2010

1

1

0

As I gold my grandson, it is against God's laws and stop to think What would Jesus do? It seemed to help

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms