Our family cannot relax after his conviction

Edwina - posted on 05/13/2013 ( 123 moms have responded )

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My partner was jailed for sex offences. He was looking at indecent images (mainly nude boys/other lower level images, nothing hardcore) and had videos of children we'd looked after, after they'd had a bath and they were naked (although nothing untoward was going on). He's come out of prison and we've got back together, although we are not supposed to. He wants to put his past behind him. He's a great father to our son and has really tried hard to inspire him to do well in school, with interests in sport and music and educate him about values in life. Our kids are doing very well too, despite the upheavals they endured losing their dad for those years. We also have a daughter but the problem is, the authorities have said he shouldn't be with me and have contact with the kids. Recently, a spiteful relative has been acting disgruntled about us being back together and I got wind of a threat she made to inform the authorities. This is unsettling our happy family set up. What should I do? Follow the law and break up with my partner if it is going to threaten my kids' welfare, or find a way to deal with this relative and her threats?

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♥nancy♥ - posted on 05/14/2013

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Your actions are "PROFOUND" in the fact that this is all about you & your selfish desires!!!! It's sounds to me that you already made up your mind what is more important to you despite your children's well being... let alone the law; so why do you care what we think then? Honestly, if you dared to welcome this individual back into your home & think that what happened in the past was harmless; then obviously you DON'T have ANY CONCERN for the children at all and the law is another risk you're willing to take. Your actions tell us that you are more concerned with WHAT YOU AND YOUR PARTNER GETS OUT OF IT!! I hope the authorities are reading this thread this very moment! Then you'll find yourself in jail & you won't have your kids or your partner!!!

Cara - posted on 05/14/2013

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Posting to a message board about ILLEGAL activity (DESPITE what the father's intentions were/are, it is ILLEGAL for the original poster to have this man in her home and it is jeopardizing not only the welfare of those children, but the children in their neighborhood). As a CONVICTED sex offender, it is ILLEGAL to not inform the community of his whereabouts and not only is this family not doing so, this "mother" is essentially hiding this criminal in a completely unsuspecting neighborhood. And the fact that the CONVICTED SEX OFFENDER had to jump in here to fight her battle because she doesn't want to hear the truth only says to me that NONE of this "advice" we are giving will change her mind - they are BOTH delusional and THESE CHILDREN will suffer from their selfish endangerment.

Since these CHILD ABUSERS are hiding behind a message board, I encourage all of the other sickened and appalled MOMS on here to go to this:

https://report.cybertip.org/index.htm;jsessionid=DA2B90E5D2C42BF7295E68CB2E3BE3FF.iwt1

You have no business being on a "Mom" message board, Edwina. No MOTHER would endanger her children the way that you are.

Shawnn - posted on 05/13/2013

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Ok, let me get this straight. Your partner is a sexual deviant, in relation to young children. He was caught with multiple images of children YOU BABYSAT, (their parents put their trust in you, and you failed them horribly). He's been caught with multiple images of young children, nude, exposing their genitals, and YOU SEE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH EXPOSING YOUR YOUNG CHILDREN TO HIM???

Lady, I don't mean to be a bitch, but pull your head out of your rear end!

You are breaking the law by allowing this pedophile to be around your children, regardless of whether or not they are his biological children or not. You have been COURT ORDERED to not allow this person around these children, for their safety, but you're still going to defy the courts because you think you know better?

Yeah, right. Your "partner" is a sexual deviant. He is NOT reformed, and he has NOT been given carte blanche to be around minor children, yet you will continue to expose your own children to sexual abuse, because he's their father!

I'm with the "spiteful" relative. You need to be reported, and those children need to be removed to a safe house.

My husband's father is a sexual deviant. He preys on children. My husband and his siblings were removed from the home, and my father in law has never been allowed around his grandchildren. FOR A DAMNED GOOD REASON.

Cammie - posted on 05/14/2013

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ok, this man took pics of children. Why are you with him. Please explain because dude clearly unusual tendencies. Not only should your relative call the authorites but you need to be dealt with if in your warped mind you feel it is ok for him to be around any children. What is wrong with YOU?

Louise - posted on 05/14/2013

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Get rid of him NOW!!! Move !!! Why are you even asking . Kids come first LEAVE HIM. Leave leave leave NO SECOND CHANCE. GET RID!!!!!!!

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Sonia - posted on 05/20/2013

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Are you seriously asking for opinions on this? I am sorry but yiu need to grow a spine and do the right thing! Your "moral" husband is a predator. He was CONVICTED of child pornography and he made videos of children you were looking after! I hope your relative turns you both in. You are a parent above anything else. Your job is to protect your children. Do you even know why the authorities do not allow your husband around children including his own?! Its to keep them from becoming his next victims! I am sorry that you are so selfish you can't get past the imaginary happy family you have but I hope that not only is your husband turned in but you should be charged with child endangerment as well. If you don't get why this is wrong you don't deserve to have your kids either.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/17/2013

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***I don't know why this thread was re-opened, but now it is being locked once again***

~WtCoM MoD LiTtLe MiSs~

Meaghan - posted on 05/14/2013

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Kimberly, "unless you turn heartless and allow your unforgiving family to rule your life." REALLY?! So she'd be heartless to not protect her children by removing this man from her life? And how would the children be informed? You want to tell a child under the age of 16 about how their father has problems with child porn?
I'm sorry to be so abrupt but, no, she's not heartless for doing anything like that. And the family is not unforgiving, sounds to me like the family is scared for the children. So maybe they should run her life, since clearly she's too worried about losing her man, instead of the risk he poses to her children. Heartless? You're crazy, to ever think a woman leaving a man for a situation such as this is heartless.... wow. And "legally, he being the father has every right to see his children unless you turn" No, legally, if he poses a risk to the children then no, he has ZERO right to see his kids. As it should be.

Kimberly - posted on 05/14/2013

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As long as you have trust in your partner, that is your risk you are willing to take.
The kids should be fully informed and aware. I highly recommend that your partner should be in therapy (though it may be mandated) for a few years. The kids should also have a few sessions with a counselor if you haven't already. It can be a difficult life to live after a conviction as such.

The authorities have only said he shouldn't be with you. Though legally, he being the father has every right to see his children unless you turn heartless and allow your unforgiving family to rule your life.

You are a mother and the most important thing is the safety of your children. You are the only one who can make that decision.

Dove - posted on 05/14/2013

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Yep, Liesl... all it will take is for this 'spiteful' relative to report the situation and both 'parents' will completely lose custody of the kids.... probably permanently. I hope this 'spiteful' relative stops making threats and actually acts out to protect these children since neither of their parents truly care about their best interests... based on all the posts I am reading from 'them' it's not about the kids at all, but what this pedophile thinks he deserves.... A 'mistake' or not... normal people do NOT video other people's naked kids.... for any reason whatsoever.... and a normal person would NOT make any excuses and would do whatever it took to make it right.... which would be LEAVING his children, so that the mother could continue to raise them without risk. Period.

Whatever. I'm praying this is BS cuz I hate to think that anyone that calls themselves a parent could really be thinking this is ok by any stretch of the imagination.

Liesl - posted on 05/14/2013

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I already posted before,but,had a question I thought of. Isnt the wife in jeopardy of charges brought against her for letting the spouse back into the home after the law has said not too? She has broken the law,so im assuming she can be charged with something as well,plus the kids being taken away?

Dove - posted on 05/14/2013

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If you have to break the law to be with your kids.... something is wrong there. YOU are putting your children at risk even if you would never lay a hand on them because if the law finds out you are with them..... they will be ripped away from both of you. In what possible line of thinking are either of you doing this for the benefit of your kids? Would they be better off only having supervised visits with their father and living full time with their mother.... or be in foster care having zero contact with their father AND their mother? That is really the position you are forcing those children to be in by breaking the law to do whatever the heck you feel like doing. If you REALLY care about the well being of those kids.... chew on that one.

Darvionne - posted on 05/14/2013

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I'm sorry, did you read your own post???
I think that there are some unsettling statements in this post - "videos of children that [you'd] looked after, after they'd had a bath and they were naked," that itself is untoward behavior towards them!

At any rate, while he might be a good partner and parent in your opinion, considering that the other legal infractions occurred while you were together, I would imagine that you should follow the law before you find yourself on the other end of it. Best of luck to you.

Meaghan - posted on 05/14/2013

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I'm sorry that you and your children are going through this. Here is the bottom line, as an outsider looking in, the second you said "Nothing hardcore" you justified his actions. Now, yes, he might be rehabilitating himself, and lets say that nothing was wrong with the videos he took. Here is the choice you have to make: You are with a man who has a higher risk of being inappropriate (whether sexually, or just leaving sexual images on a computer where a child can find them) than any other non-offender male. You are taking a CHANCE with this man, a CHANCE that he wont hurt his kids, or other kids. And, as a mother, it is your JOB to make the chances of those situations to not happen. Don't get pulled into the 'it couldn't happen to me' cause it could, and it will, if you continue to turn a blind eye to the severity of his actions, which were severe. Whether or not the images of those boys were 'hardcore' the fact is, they were there. Child abusers (whether just online or abusers in real time) go down a very dark and very private path with these addictions and fetishes (that's what they are, fetishes for children, do not try and glorify this)
Do I think you should break up with your partner? As a mother? hell yes. Because there is a CHANCE that he might be harmful to your kids or to other kids in your home (even if it is just online) and that is not a CHANCE you should be willing to take. Make the right choice, it's ok to be alone, your children will understand when they are older. Of course they will. Now that he is on the radar with the authorities, if you continue to go against their wishes you risk losing your children. You need to do what is best for them, not you, and you understand this situation, they don't. So you need to choose them, and eliminate any chances that might harm your children.
Child porn is not something you can forgive or forget, child abusers (even if it was just looking at images, he is an abuser, he promoted, downloaded and viewed those images giving the original abusers hits, and making them 'make more' for their online viewers) Do not be one of those mothers who is seeing all the signs now and ignoring all the red flags. Do not take chances with your children.
He might be the best Dad in the world, the best provider, the best partner. But that specific situation is a deal breaker. Completely. Especially when you have kids. Maybe if he goes through some therapy, and spends years exploring what made him look at those images in the first place, then, and only then can you consider bringing him back in your life.
Choose, your children.

Angie - posted on 05/14/2013

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What you call being spiteful may be their way of showing concern. Perhaps your relative is just concerned for the well being of your children. I would be too.

Vicki - posted on 05/14/2013

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"If the choice for you was to live through secrecy with your kids or leave them to avoid foster care, which would you choose? there's no way you wouldn't take the first option, if they were the only two choices you had. "

If I'm selfish, I take the first option. If I truly love my kids and want what is best for them, then there is no way in hell they are going into the system. Do a goggle search of the issues kids have from being in the foster system.

Keri - posted on 05/14/2013

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To the guy we are apparently condemning - bottom line is yes you messed up. And say you have moved on or whatever but the law says you cannot do what you are doing. There is no excuse, no reason, nothing more that needs to be said. Go to courts. Deal with it legally. You may miss your kids life or the majority of it but honestly that should have crossed your mind to begin with. Also, you said you looked at pictures but didn't think about doing anything to the children pictured and blah blah blah but you know what? EVERY abuser starts SOMEWHERE. Your wife has faith in you and that's great but she will lose her kids if she goes against the law. I have been in a similar situation and CPS holds grudges. Also my sister was in this exact situation and faith in the guy or not she left him for the safety of her kids. That's the end of it. Your selfishness got into this mess and your selfishness will continue to hurt not only you but your family worse than it already has. Do the right thing. And I'm pretty sure you know what that is.

Nicole - posted on 05/14/2013

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Respectfully sir, I think your level of denial is noteworthy. In the darkest depths of your mind, body, awareness, be honest with yourself. I find your responses , as well as your wifes question to this community to be selfish. I am not condemning you, judging you, I am simply staying that as a law abiding citizen, a mother, a wife, a decent person, what you are doing is wrong. It is extremely narcissistic and naive to think that you are 100% not ever going to be a threat to your children, yourself etc. You are a registered sex offender for a reason. Not condemning, just stating facts. Take some ownership, obtain some intensive therapy and better yourself legally so that you may not endanger your çhildren. Your issues are far worse if your level of denial, lack of ownership continue to this degree. If you love your wife and children like you say you do, man up.....stay away until you are deemed worthy of their relationships.

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 05/14/2013

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No that is the difference between you and I sir. I would NEVER risk my children going through foster care. I can't believe you , you risked leaving them with your actions and going to jail , but you won't leave them so they can avoid the hell of foster care. You are going to get caught! Someone with some sense is going to turn you in , and the kids will be taken away and you will end up in jail again. Your incredibly selfish which shows in the nature of your crime . If I made a mistake that caused me to not be able to see my kid and if I did see her she would be put through even more hell than I already caused her then I would absolutely at least give her the chance to live a normal life and back off until the law said it was ok.

Mary Jane - posted on 05/14/2013

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The bottom line is simple. WHO ON EARTH TAKES VIDEOS OF NAKED KIDS? Do their parents know you did that? No child of mine would be left in your house no matter how "nice" you seemed.
Your relative is not being spiteful. She cares about the safety of your kids.

Chana - posted on 05/14/2013

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Do you really need to ask the question what should you do? A sex offender is a sex offender reardless of how you try to justify it. Your relative should inform the authorities for the safty of your children. If you want to be with him that is yur choice but your children should not have to be subjected to his morals or lack of morals because no one with morals does what he did. How will you justify his actions when it is your son or daughter? If you love your children you know the answer to your question.

Sharon - posted on 05/14/2013

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I'm not sure why you posted this question here. The fact is that you did, so you're getting all kinds of reactions, some supportive, and some are not. Are you looking for approval by other moms? I read some of your replies; it looks like you're trying to justify your situation. It seems to me that you're justifying it for yourself. You know that it's not the perfect solution (staying together), yet trying to convince moms on this board that it's preferable to the alternative (being away from your kids). The bottom line is that you'll do what you want to do regardless of any reaction you see here. In my humble opinion, you need professional counseling, be it legal, psychological, or both. Good luck!

Janice - posted on 05/14/2013

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My daughter married a sex addict. He did nothing but have sex with just about any women who came his way. When he met my daughter, he too, said the past was behind him and he wanted to never go back to his old ways. He had all the right words but after 4 years it was discovered that he was still having sexual relations with other women. I believe he really does want to break free but sexual addictions are extremely hard to break. Sure, they have rehab in prison, but I would suggest your S.O. get some real help. There are groups like Celebrate Recovery or Pure Life. If he is serious, he will not be asking you to break the law and he will set a good example by getting help. If he follows the high road, he may be allowed legally to see his kids again. I had a friend that could only meet in public places so they went to lots of church services.

Liesl - posted on 05/14/2013

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If you are breaking the law being with him,what good is that doing your children. Are you willing to sacrifice them being taken away from you, then how much good is having your husband back?
You need to wait,follow the law,your children will not be in a good place,emotional,mentally, if this goes to child services,what do you think will be the upheavals they will have to endure then?
Having kids is about sacrificing whats best for them,making it about them and not you and your husband.
Follow the law, a no brainer.
I dont know how old your kids are,but,communities are not very accepting of these type of offenses. Esp with him back,what are your kids having to endure outside of the home with the neighborhood,etc? These kids he had videos of you looked after, where are they? Im assuming the parents were notified. You have more than just a relative that will turn you in if given a chance!
Sounds like this needs to go slower than Daddy walking back into the picture right away,esp, when the law has told you not to do it.
This isnt going to end well for these kids if you continue to break the law.
PUT THEM FIRST!
It honestly sounds like you are in denial of the seriousness of his conviction. The ( ) you used after each act you talked about totally minimizes what has happened. You need to not downplay what has happened,esp,around your kids. No matter how much he has changed,or says he has,neither of you sounds like you are really accepting responsibility of these actions,from reading your posts and his.
This family has a long road ahead of forgiving,accepting,and then moving forward however defined by the law for the safety and well being of you all.
FOr the husband that keeps posting to defend your actions, At this point ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS, ITS NOT LOOKING GOOD WITH YOUR BLATANT DISREGARD TO THE LAW AND WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN TOLD TO DO,STAY AWAY. WHY WOULD YOU PUT YOUR FAMILY IN JEOPARDY IF YOU TRUELY ARE REPENTANT. BREAKING THE LAW AND RETURNING TO THEM IS NOT SHOWING REPENTANCE ITS SHOWING A LACK OF REGARD FOR YOUR ACTIONS. WHAT THE HECK DO YOU TWO THINK YOU ARE TEACHING YOUR CHILDREN BY DOING THIS. WAKE UP!

Lynn - posted on 05/14/2013

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Sad. Breaking the law is no way to raise children. No matter how innocent you feel you or your partner is. The law must have had enough evidence for conviction. This will still affect the children as they get older. Not a good place for any of your family to be in.
Choose the way of right, not wrong.

China - posted on 05/14/2013

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I don't know you or your family but I think you know the answers to your question you posted this to get other mothers to defend something that loving mother's will never do... Do to the fact that your putting your children in danger in so many ways you don't deserve children if you felt the need to ask if the man in your life should come before your children. That's SICK! That you would want to call that a family with a man who Desires children let alone boys that's just ridiculous. He's using you for now till he finds a way to strike in a way that those children don't deserve. Sorry to say but you asked the question. Oh ps. The authorities. Will find out and he will go back to prison im sure he had to register. I will pray for your wisdom. And your children safety..

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 05/14/2013

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Come on! What other reason are you taking naked pictures for if not for sexual reasons? You can not even own up to your real intentions , yet you expect us to think your cured? From the time I found out I had a life growing inside me I did everything To protect it. I ate healthy , I consoled her when she cried, I sacrificed to make sure she was safe. It makes me literally nauseous to think someone out there has a child that they did everything they could to protect and someone still hurt their baby , and you are just going to let it happen right in front on your own eyes. Could you live with yourself if something happens to your child , and one day they realized that you could have prevented it and didn't? I'm sorry to the man writing in too , but it's incredibly hard to humanize you when all I can see is a monster

Armindie - posted on 05/14/2013

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I hope your family has more sense than you and turns you in. Selfish twit.

Edwina - posted on 05/14/2013

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To Danielle,

If the choice for you was to live through secrecy with your kids or leave them to avoid foster care, which would you choose? there's no way you wouldn't take the first option, if they were the only two choices you had. Obviously, you wouldn't get into my situation but that's beside the point when it comes to the choice.

Edwina - posted on 05/14/2013

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Hi, this is the guy you are condemning replying to you. I did look at pictures of naked children. I did not think about what I wanted to do to/with them. I know you would refuse to believe that but I say that because it is true. yes, it is not acceptable to look at children naked but that deosn't mean, because I did, i want to sexually abuse them. I have never considered touching a child right or acceptable and as for my own kids, i want my involvement int heir lives to be a success; how can it be if I were to abuse them?

Nicole - posted on 05/14/2013

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Are you joking?!? As a human being, I was trying to read your post and come to any understanding or justification for why you're living the life you're living. As a mother, that's another story. It is your #1, undying priority to keep your children safe and to protect them. The fact that your husband came out of prison and you reconciled upon his release, is just well....disturbing. Did he prove himself to you first? Is he in fact, rehabilitated? Did he live on his own for some years with no repeat offenses? I have a feeling the answer will be no. Respectfully, he is a registered sex offender, living with your children, specifically your young son. Your children have friends yes? This is a MUCH larger issue and you need to go through the law. Thank God someone is looking out for the welfare of your children. I truly am not one to judge but you need to take a step back and look at this from an outsiders perspective. You are looking at this with blinders on because you love your husband. You need to love your children more and put them first...above all else.

Edwina - posted on 05/14/2013

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You know, at the moment, I'm there a lot. I have got my kids playing musical instruments and one of them is doing excellently with it. They're both sporty and I've encouraged them in that. At school, they are doing quite well and the older child is really keen to do well despite being in those difficult teenage years. Both kids are so grounded and well-adjusted as things are right now and we both know that it is the presence of both of us together that makes this. Of course, there are issues. My eldest was caught in the storm of all the issues caused by my arrest etc. He might question me in the future but despite our arguments we like all families) can have, has not so much as hinted that he wants to make an issue of my past. We don't talk about it but I'm bracing for the day it might come up. We try to be as normal as possible and it is working. I understand the moms' concerns on here but they don't know the full picture. If they observed us for the day, i think they would say we are a lovely unit. yes, we row and have difficulties but we grow tighter yearly, not more estranged. Maybe, it's us against the world but I want my kids to enter the world doing great things, not hung up with trauma. My past jailing is in danger of leaving a little scar but no more. I understand your points but it would detriment our kids for me to 'do the right thing' and live away.

Kim - posted on 05/14/2013

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Transgressed? Really? Give me a break. This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. There is no question in what you should do....pick up your kids and run as far away from him as possible. No man who takes pictures and videos of naked children is ok. He went to jail which means that the evidence they had against him was significant enough to send him there. You can not change sexual predilection...he has you completely snowed and if you continue to keep your children in harm's way then you deserve to have them taken away from you. Your relative isn't "spiteful", she is right. Your children should be your number one priority. Even if he hasn't (to your knowledge) physically done anything to children, he thought about it. What do you think he was thinking about while looking at those photos.....? Have we as women sunken to an all new low in our fear of not having a man? Will it be hard to raise your kids by yourself, absolutely, but you can do it and there are organizations out there that can help you.

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 05/14/2013

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We're mothers! We have instincts to protect our children and even other people's children. There is no way we can know anybody 100% , I'm sure she thought she knew you before this whole mess happened. Bottom line is if you really want what is best for your kids then you will follow the rules. Do you know what foster care is like? I would not want to ever risk my kids getting thrown into foster care , and that's what you both are doing by not obeying the law. Showing your kids that your sorry and are willing to accept the consequences of your behavior is the best thing you can do for them.

Linda - posted on 05/14/2013

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If you stay together, there will ALWAYS be a threat from the law. Also, it is unsettling that you say you looked at images WITH HIM. Any kind of pornography, for any reason, is still pornography. If he let you in on some of what he did, how can you be sure he didn't do more? And don't say it's because you know he wouldn't lie to you!
If he is such a good parent, he can figure out a way to do it over the phone and in emails and letters. Talk to the kids privately, ask if they want to have him in jail again or have him live somewhere else. My guess is that the best thing about having him with you is the intimacy for you, the money and the convenience.
There are always other options. If I knew one of my relatives was in the same situation, I would report it before any one knew what hit them.

Helene - posted on 05/14/2013

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You're really asking if it's OK to put yourself and your children at extreme risk in order to have a relationship convicted sexual predator. NO it is NOT OK.

Vicki - posted on 05/14/2013

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Don't get me wrong. I think she should stay way far away from you. But if you both are determined to go down that road - you have to take care of it legally.

The other option - your kids can't have friends over - what if they find out you are living there? They can't talk about you at all to anyone - it has to be a secret that you are living there. There will be no extended family interaction - again, it has to be a secret. You already have family that is going to watch out where you live.

Really, is that the life you want your kids to live? You truly say that you want what is best for them and to be part of their life. Then think all the way through this. Just because you don't live with them, doesn't mean you can't be a great father (though for me, I would never allow you alone with them).

If you move in, the kids have to keep your secret and your whole family will be constantly on edge that you are going to be caught. What a stressful environment to have a child grow up in. If you don't - you can find a cheap apartment semi close to the kids, still attend all the important events in their lives, still support them finacially, still have your wife - but you aren't putting those kids in danger of being taken away from you and put in the system. Do you realize how hard it is to get your kids back once CPS takes them - when nothing but a rumor is reported, let alone breaking a court order.

I know you can get the court to change their ruling - I know people that are sex offenders and live with their kids and family. Do the right thing LEGALLY for your kids - if you truly want what is best for them. REGARDLESS of you and if you have changed.

Nicole - posted on 05/14/2013

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It doesn't matter what your husband says or how much you defend him. The law is the law and you are going to get your kids taken away from you. Enjoy that.

Edwina - posted on 05/14/2013

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Vicki's comment is the first one in 82 that actually tries not to be reactionary and depracating; if everyone else took that stance, wouldn't we be a better place? I'm a human being. I don't want to be cast out, got rid of and rejected. I know that being accepted is a warm thing and I know to respect and not exploit or abuse it. My wife shouldn't be condemned for having faith in me ,even if some wouldn't agree with her. She's being insulted as insane and, even worse for her, as if she doesn't love her children. There's no one who has posted loves their children more than she loves ours. You might ask, how can she make the decision to have me back. Well, whether you like it or not, maybe she knows that I am SAFE, despite making an error of behaviour in the past. I had my reasons, I've analysed it and moved on. I'm not stuck in a torment of abusive behaviour and you shouldn't be so full of yourselves to be so critical. To Vicki, we could go through the courts but how long would that take and all the while my kids would be growing up without daddy's guidance (whihc is good guidance) and I don't think I can envisage being a long-distance dad. I don't need you applause for that but I would like you all to understand that part of me for what it is.

Karen - posted on 05/14/2013

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Take a serious look as someone from the outside...Husband convicted of being a perp...sent to jail after being found guilty of "... looking at indecent images (mainly nude boys/other lower level images, nothing hardcore) and had videos of children we'd looked after, after they'd had a bath and they were naked (although nothing untoward was going on)." If I was one of the parents of the kids that videos were taken of I would stay far far away from all of you. Who's to say those videos don't go viral and now my kids are brought into something they should have had nothing to do with in the first place. Why were those videos even taken and by whom??? I think there is more to your husband he is not even telling you. You seriously need to look at the bigger picture and what it could potientially do to your "happy family" because when your kids get older he will still have a lot of explaining to do. I don't feel anyone is worth loosing my kids over, because I value their ethics and their safety. Who's to say he hasn't taken video's or nude pictures of your own kids and showed them to other guys or worse, posted them on the internet. I know you may love this guy but don't let it cloud your judgement as to what is write and what is wrong. Good Luck... God be with you!

Donna - posted on 05/14/2013

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Follow the law. The only hope you have for your children is if you show them what is right and what is wrong. There is NOTHING right about what your partner did. Do not make excuses for him. I don't care if he says he has changed. It's not worth the risk to your children.

How can you even ask this question, really?

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 05/14/2013

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I smell bs ... To this woman who wrote this post just please use your head . A person who has real shame and real guilt does not feel they deserve anything , it was courageous for her to stay with you , well how convenient for you. She would be courageous if she put her kids over you. Regardless if you would harm them or not she is still putting them in a position to be taken away from her , but actually that is probably the best damn thing she could do for them since she can't seem to muster enough brain cells together to see how she's hurting her kids

Vicki - posted on 05/14/2013

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Question for you - did you "mean" to do it the first time? Are you 100% certain that you won't relapse when things get stressful again? Can you live with yourself if you did do something?

Take the focus off you - let's agree for argument that you are "cured", then you need to fight the battle in court. As a sex offender, you are required to register - if you don't, you are breaking the law. And breaking the law is not setting a good example for your kids. Go through the courts, get them to change the ruling. When you are found out if you don't, they will take your kids from you. If you both are truly trying to do what's best for your family, do it right. CPS loves to take kids from their parents. Don't give them that opening.

Holly - posted on 05/14/2013

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You said: "(mainly nude boys/other lower level images, nothing hardcore)"
nude boys????????????????????????? You said: "videos of children we'd looked after, after they'd had a bath and they were naked (although nothing untoward was going on). " nothing untoward????????????????????????????????????? Your relative is not spiteful....she's freaked out that you have endangered your children. She's speaking on their behalf.
My personal experience is he's told you what you need to hear and you've sacrificed your babies TO him FOR YOURSELF!!!!! I pray your children are taken away from you both. You don't deserve them.

Patricia - posted on 05/14/2013

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My oldest daughter was sexually abused by her father from the age of 2 until she was 14. The abuse occurred during visitation, both supervised (not sure how he managed it then) and unsupervised. He went to prison for a 2 year sentence and only served 9 months. He went on to have two sons with his 2nd wife. He is now in prison for the rest of his life for sexually abusing his sons. It was bad enough he abused our daughter, but to go on and destroy another family is horrible! You are being very naive if you think he is not continuing his abuse! CHILD ABUSERS DO NOT CHANGE THEIR ABUSE, JUST GET BETTER AT BEING SNEAKY! In my opinion if you do not run as far away from this man as possible, Child Protective Services should come and take your children from you, as you obviously are not keeping them safe! Your first duty is to those children! KEEP THEM AS FAR AWAY FROM THAT ABUSER AS YOU CAN!!! Don't allow him to continue to hurt your family! He will not change...he will only get worse! I know what I'm talking about! My ex destroyed two families! Your partner WILL destroy your family too! I can't sugar coat this! An abuser is an abuser for LIFE!!! Statistics will back this up!

Edwina - posted on 05/14/2013

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I'm there because my wife showed faith in me when it would have been easier (more understandable?) not to. She is amazingly courageous in my eyes and I feel bad to have put her in that position. If she had decided to leave me, I would have accepted and spent the rest of my life feeling sorry for myself. yes, I do feel sad for myself for what happened but while I have my kids future to make the best of, i just have to get on with it. I guess people who get into the situation I did are only seen one way, hence your responses but i don't feel like I'm a danger. Yes, I transgressed but I want to make up by giving my kids the best care and attention I can. i would not jeopardise it by giving them psychological trauma and, I REPEAT, I've never considered doing the things you are all shouting about me. I demand a second chance to repair my life, not for my sake but for my kids who thrive better with their dad than without. I don't bring what you are all saying into their lives, I bring a lot of good. I'm not perfect but I know what I should do and I'm trying to do it. I don't have an intention to abuse and I really believe it is not in me, despite the conviction. I know it sounds like a contradiction but life is not always so black and white. You people can't refuse to listen.

Rachel - posted on 05/14/2013

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"Follow the law and break up with my partner if it is going to threaten my kids' welfare, or find a way to deal with this relative and her threats?"

Is this a serious question? No man, person, or being is worth losing my kids over. Ever.

Donna - posted on 05/14/2013

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I'm a man who happen to have run across this in my e-mail. Why would any clear thinking adult even need to ask if he should be around children. You have a duty to keep your children as far from this guy as possible.PERIOD.

Olga - posted on 05/14/2013

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I believe that if anything is to happen to your kids and comes out in to the light it will be your fault as well as his and you will be incriminating your self. I know you love him it sounds like you want to keep the kids father around but know that the worst thing you can do to your kids is trust this man so much that someday he can slip up and ruin one of your kids forever. If you choose to stay with him you cannot let your guard down at least do not let him know the guard is up because the mistrust will make him unhappy and might act out because of it. But be wise and keep your eyes open and keep him out of situations that might cause temptation and a threat to your children. I have my guard up automatically because I was a victim at a very young age and it caused me to be traumatized for life. It does affect my life tremendously. Please think of the kids not of yourself you can always find someone good that can make you happy someone without these kinds of problems. Only the best for our children right? They do come first? Right mom?

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 05/14/2013

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Are you serious??? It's not okay to swear in front of kids, but it's okay to DESTROY their self confeifence by degrading them sexually? You are sick , and it's disgusting that you act like your kids well being is so important to you bc if it was you would never have put yourself in these circumstances in the first place. You plead guilty bc you felt bad? Or in actuality you plead guilty bc you were busted and would get a better deal if you plead guilty? You sit there feeling sorry for yourself , but What about those innocent kids that you hurt ? I see people like you on the news and cry , and your wife is nuts too if she lets you around her precious kids

Kara - posted on 05/14/2013

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I am glad that you see your behavior as wrong. I just would never be able to trust you. I would not let my kids play at your house, stay the night, and I would not want you alone with my kids. I would not want them to be exploited. I am also worried about your motives. Do you really want to be there for your spouse or do you want to be there because there would be kids around. I know that I would always be sespiouse, and I know that I would judge. I wish you the best. But get out of the house until the court clears you. Both of you risk loosing you kids to CPS. So do them a favor and get away.

Edwina - posted on 05/14/2013

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Hello, I'm the person you are all castigating. I'm sad that you all feel this way, although I can't be surprised. I found my partner upset and confused and after she told me what she'd done, I asked her fi I could comment to you all on this site. Fact is, I do live on my own right now but we are rebuilding because it seems best for the family. I know you all have an opinion on me and so you feel it can't be best but, while you know something, do you really know the whole truth.
I got involved in a behaviour I shouldn't have; that's why I plead guilty. Perhaps i should have thought it but I wanted release from my actions, although I was blind to the devastating consequences. Whatever harm you might think I am, I just want my kids to grow up happy, well adjusted and aspirational. I've never touched a child in my life and I've never thought it appropriate to do so. I don't see myself doing so but I know I will always face the kind of opprobrium being directed here. I don't believe it's okay to swear in front of kids, I don't believe it's alright to show aggression, I don't believe it is alright to get them to do secretive things and I don't believe it is okay to be sexually licentious with them. I guess, by being in my kids' lives, I'm trying to repair my reputation because I don't want their future to be blighted by my mistake. I can't get you moms to not despise me or be appaled but so long as my kids grow up as brilliant adults people can say what they want because the proof of the pudding will be in the eating and that's what I care about right now.

Lindsey - posted on 05/14/2013

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As a victim of a sexual abuse I find it completely disgusting that any person convicted of something like this would ever be allowed around children. When they are of age if they want to have a relationship they can decide to do so but as of now they are not capable of that and you are putting them in harms way.

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