Out of control 4 year old, any advise?

Mindy - posted on 11/14/2011

I heard of someone who told their children that they had to clean their room 45min later their room wasn't clean he told them again and if it wasn't clean then their toys would be thrown away. 45min later he went into their room picked up all the toys put them in a bag gave to his kids and made them take it to the Garbage can later that night he went got the toys out wrap them up and gave it them back to his kids at christmas a month later. Moral of the story: mean what you say and follow through with it. Those kids did not like having their toys taken away and they learned daddy ment business works for mom too. If you daughter ever hits you grab her hand (not hard) and tell her that is NOT how she treats her mother or anyone else and that behavior will not be allowed tell her if it happens again she won't get to play with her toys for 5 min. (or whatever else you can think of) You need to stand up and be the MOM if she is frustrated try talking to her but AFTER she has her punishment that way she gets the idea that her actions are not liked but her thoughts are important.

Barb - posted on 11/14/2011

Who suggested whispering and why?

No no, you need to find your "mom voice" and feel comfortable in using it. Practice in the mirror if you like.

She should know by now that hitting is wrong, so no warning, no second chance to hit.. She hits, she goes right to the naughty spot for 4 minutes. Calmly explain she is in the naughty spot for hitting. Go give yourself a time out if needed.

NEVER ever ever just "threaten" as a punishment. You have to give a clear warning with a valid consequence that is going to happen if the behavior doesn't change. If you don't, kids will soon lose respect and do whatever knowing mom won't follow through. That is why a consequence should never be a 'threat': ie, "you aren't coming out of that naughty spot until Christmas!"

My heart goes out to you, i know it's tiring and frustrating, but it is quite a job to grow a human, and you are growing two of them! Best of luck to you.

Kelina - posted on 11/14/2011

maybe talk to a doctor about getting her diagnosed. a fried of mine had her kids diagnosed at about that age with ADHD and was able to put them on medication for school and they turned into totally different kids! It also helps if you decide not to medicate to understand why she does these thing over and over again seemingly without understanding that they're wrong.

Alix - posted on 11/14/2011

Thank you everyone, I spoke to my health visitor and doctor a year ago and was put in touch with a child behaviour specialist who is lovely and very well known within her profession but even she said all the tools she can give me for dealig with her I already know ( naughty step, behaviour charts, consequences) she does think that as Leah gets older she may need medication and may be diagnosed with ADHD or something similar. I have used punishments such as banning her from going to ballet and tap class, I've confiscated toys and even got a bin bag when she wrecked her room in anger (broke the wardrobe, chest of draws, bookcase and pulled the curtains off the rings and curtain pole out the wall!!) and put all her toys in it and hid them in the shed until she earnt them back one at a time!! But in the long run she is still doing these things, I put her on the naughty step for hitting her little brother who's currently 2 she stays there til she's quiet for 3 mins and then has to apologise to Thomas, but everytime within an hour she's done it again and back on the naughty step. I know it's all about perseverance but I can't help but feel she's not learning!!

Sharlene - posted on 11/12/2011

Sick in there and be firm but positive ,cheerst

Sharlene - posted on 11/12/2011

Have you tried timeout or grounding her she's not to young for it,Or taking her toys out of her room when you ground her , but the secret is if she keeps it up get a garbage bag make fill the bag with her toys drive her to the closest charity shop and threathen her by handing the toys over to them , and maybe start a good behavoir chart with stickers and everytime she miss behaviors take a sticker off and she achieves at the end of the weeks with all her stick reward her.I hope this might work for you, It works for our 7 kids ,cheers

Lindsey - posted on 11/12/2011

Have you taken her to a behavioral therapist or spoken with her doctor about the issues?? You really need to show your daughter that her behaviors are completely inappropriate and will not be tolerated. There need to be consequences for hurting you, yelling or throwing fits. Punishment in a place you can see her, but you also need to bring in a positive component. Get a sticker chart and have her earn stickers every time she handles situations correctly, every time she gets mad and doesn't cause harm to you, etc. She should get to pick out prizes that she is earning the stickers for, so she really works hard to earn them to get her reward. Set a price limit on the rewards so it doesn't get too expensive. Finally, have a big prize that she can earn at the end of the week if she earned her reward everyday that week. Good Luck!!!

Kelina - posted on 11/12/2011

time out? manual labor? and no more whipering mommy! whispering shows you are a pushover. Don't talk to her like a baby, talk to her in a no nonsense voice and then follow through. 1 minute per year of life, and she has to do them in the same spot. some people are really strict about the whole they have to be quiet for their timeout, I'm not too worried about it but it may be a good idea for you just to show her who's really in control. try reading up on some supernanny methods too, they might help you a lot.