Overstepping boundaries

Brittany - posted on 07/19/2009 ( 20 moms have responded )

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I have a one year old son and my mom has been overstepping her boundaries as a grandparent. My boyfriend and I have both told her not to overstep and she still continues to do it. She makes plans for my son without consulting me and I get told I am being a b*tch for getting mad about her telling me plans and not asking my boyfriend and I. My sons 1st birthday is August 10th this year and my boyfriend and I have already made plans for his birthday, my mom decided to TELL me that my sons birthday party is going to be at chucky cheese. Idk what else to do with her. I have told her off about it over and over and still nothing....Any advice...please?

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Nancy - posted on 07/19/2009

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Ask your mom a simple question....ask her if she thinks she was a good mom? If she thinks she was than she should have raised a daughter who is competant enough to organize her own child's life! It sounds like you tell her off and then you cave and then do what she's planned....If you can't stick to your NO, don't answer your phone, emails or door until after your son's BDay...that might get the point across that NO means NO. Harsh I know but I can assure you quite effective.

Cheryl - posted on 07/19/2009

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Ouch! Continue with your birthday plans, and thank her for her well-intentioned assistance. But if her plans conflict with yours, you and your son may not be available to attend HER party. It may be painful and hard for you, but you should assert yourself as early and as often as necessary now, before the decisions become more consequential than a birthday party. Like it or not, and apparently not, she *WILL* have accept that your are queen of your own castle.

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Melinda - posted on 07/19/2009

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Well, first I gotta ask - Can you move? Is there any chance of relocation? If not, he is your son - you have the right to decide who is and isn't in his life. If you're currently asking your mom for any favors where he's concerned, like money or babysitting. You need to stop because that gives her the 'power play' that she can get away with this behavior because she does this for the two of you. A 'you owe me' sorta attitude. Just put her in her place and tell her that if she doesn't stop - she will not have ANY time with her grandson, and mean it. Also, the times that she makes plans for him...when she comes by - don't open the door and tell her that next time she can call and ask permission to make arrangements for him. She'll eventually fall in line if you stay consistent and firm. I had these issues with my mom-in-law, but after letting her have it a few times and keeping my daughter away from her for a few months at a time, she is now respectful of the boundaries and we're finally getting along. Hang in there...Good Luck!

[deleted account]

Tell your mom she is certainly welcome to have a party for your son at Chuck E Cheese, but that you, your son, and your boyfriend regretfully decline the invitation, because you'll be having a birthday party elsewhere. You really need to be firm and not give in on this one, otherwise you'll have this issue coming up over and over again.

Michele - posted on 07/19/2009

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Is this her first grand baby and second let her win or let her thinks she has, she spending her money let that means that you and the child's father can save your own money and have something private with your son. My son's birthday is August 9th. i learned that it is a lot less stress full on both of you. sent everyone to chuckie cheese
when they show up she is going to realize the stress and maybe back off. I have done the chuckies cheese thing alot of work. Kids grow up she going to learn. my son is older she is catching it now.

Vicky - posted on 07/19/2009

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i agree with Sharon (below) - you have to be harsh & she takes offence thats her problem!! She obviously isn't thinking into how she's behaving - like a child! she should listen to you - you're the mom! stand your ground! even if it pisses her off!



Posted by Sharon Grey (9:11 pm)

Send out your own invitations with your choice of birthday party of location and don't show up at her shin dig. She is going to be PISSED though.

Brittany - posted on 07/19/2009

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Well, I have sat down with her and explained to her how I feel and so has she. But she wont listen to what I have to say. I have been putting my foot down. And now I feel like I have to lie about what my plans are with dakota because she ALWAYS wants him. I can hardly ever have him. She is always wanting him every day. And I have pretty much had it. Just seems like it is never ending with her. I have put my foot down, I have calmly tried telling her how I feel but she wont listen. She starts yelling at me and getting pissed off because I wont let her do it her way. I told her that he is MY son not hers. And that she needs to respect what my boyfriend and I say. Still nothing works.

Brittany - posted on 07/19/2009

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My boyfriend and I live together. I do not live with my mother. Just to clear that up

Sharon - posted on 07/19/2009

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Send out your own invitations with your choice of birthday party of location and don't show up at her shin dig. She is going to be PISSED though.

Heather - posted on 07/19/2009

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stand your ground or ground her from seeing him. u need to get the point across.

Jackie - posted on 07/19/2009

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I went through this with my parents and some other issues. You just need to talk to her and if she doesn't stop, you will have to stand up to her. My parents didn't and we ended up not talking and them not seeing my kids for almost a year. I mean be nice about it. You can say you don't mind her making plans for him, but he's not hers and she needs to check with you guys before she makes any plans and if she doesn't, DON'T let him go with her. Otherwise she's never going to change, because you aren't making her.

Satu - posted on 07/19/2009

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I think that specially new grannys get a litte grazy, it is a big thing in a moms life when her baby gets a baby of her own. that said, I think that you need to remind your mom that it is YOUR child, not hers. she is your mom, not your sons mom. what you say goes. she might get mad, but you need to set boundaries. Remember to say that you love her, and that you wish to keep her in the family. hope this will help!

Rhonda - posted on 07/19/2009

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My mother is the same way! She even steps in when I get onto my 6 year old. I know the feeling. I told her the other day after putting up with it for 6 years, did you give birth or did I. And she said its your child and then I told her nicely Then back off I know what I am doing and If I dont I will come to you for help or if I need you I know you will be ther but I will do just fine let me try. and She has got better not a 100% but better.

Candi - posted on 07/19/2009

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You just inform her that you already have plans for his bday, and you hope she can make it! Try not to get mad, just keep informing her you already made plans for that event, day etc. She hopefully will soon get the message. Also if she if financially taking care of these things, it makes her feel like she can make the decisions. You need to stop letting her pay for things, you take full control.

Meagan - posted on 07/19/2009

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Well since ur mom isnt listening to u try just u and ur mom sitting down and talking no yelling no one getting upset jut truly listening to one anothers feelings, she needs to undersand if u dont want something to happen when it comes to ur son then she should respect it, just talk with out getting angree. GOOD LUCK!

[deleted account]

Well, I don't see how your Mother can dictate anything to you and your boyfriend if you live in your own house. If you are living with her and not contributing much to bills and so forth, basically living there as if you were her child, this is where and why I am assuming she feels she can tell you what's going on, accordingly. Doesn't make it right, but it makes sense. If she's willing to pay for a party at Chuck-E-Cheese and you aren't totally against it, allow her to have her party a few days before or something and then you and your boyfriend have yours.



There's no such thing as too much love for a child.

Brittany - posted on 07/19/2009

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Im just tired of her always making plans without consulting my boyfriend and I. And I have had it. I have tried telling her off numerous times. Seems like nomatter what I do...nothing seems to work.

Jane - posted on 07/19/2009

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my sister has a mother-in-law from hell.for a few years my sister never told her about it,but last year she stated to tell her off and things are much better now. as kids get older they may drive you crazy and having a bossy mother just may do you in. be mean and tell her to get lost or smarten up, it`s your health..

Rachel - posted on 07/19/2009

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All I can say is you have to stand your ground. If you don't this will continue for the rest of your life. Your sons birthday party cannot be at Chucky Cheese, period.

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