Parental Choices: Disclose or Not?

Kate - posted on 07/08/2009 ( 34 moms have responded )

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Should parents have to disclose their parenting decisions to other parents? If so, which, why, and under which circumstances?

i.e. -- breastfeeding/bottle feeding
discipline methods
vaccinations
schooling choice
etc.

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Cherie - posted on 07/16/2009

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http://www.gval.com/zachary.htm

Hi, it's the old mom again. You know if your child is not exposed to illnesses his or her body will not develop immunity that will help them as they grow up. Vaccines can over stimulate the immune system and sometimes causes the body to attack healthy cells.



Also, stop trying to be PC - topics such as this are too important to mince words. Problems are solved when people are not afraid to speak up no matter your opinion.

Taffi - posted on 07/13/2009

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Emma-please do not assume I was speaking directly to you and you alone. I am just a very blunt person meaning to be neither "harsh nor mouthy"as you put it. I have never been one to dance around the subject or try to veil what I say. I am sorry if you felt singled out. Many parents feel as you do and I have spoken to many. It is a feeling I have recieved from several others. As Kate said "some do misunderstand or have misinformation about those choices" and we have obviously discussed this before. We just want people to have the facts instead of unfounded statements passed along from friend to friend that eventually is passed off as truth. I feel everyone has a right to thier own opinon and deserves the right to express it. As I said in my post...whatever decision a parent makes-that is right for thier child. So in future if you feel 'on the spot' know that it was unintentional. If I am directing something specifically to you-I will use your name. As I said-I'm not shy-just a blunt speaker :) I also am not trying to be rude to anyone. I realize tone cannot be displayed through the computer and I just mean thins as straight forward as I put them-not rude or sarcastic. You will know if I am. For example my saying: "But don't you know only unvaccinated kids carry diseases and get sick?" Folowed by a LOL was obviusly not to be taken as a serious statement. Hope this helps explain. And Emma-you keep it up too-we're all here to share opinions-otherwise we'd just be talking to ourselves :) Happy posting!

Kate - posted on 07/13/2009

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I think it is good to discuss this...because while most parents ARE accepting of others' parenting choices, some do misunderstand or have misinformation about those choices because they simply have never looked into it or haven't talked to the right people. I think discussing the differences in parenting styles and clearing up those misconceptions is very important. Which is why although I don't think any parent HAS to disclose their choices, I think it can be helpful to do so.

No, I'm not referring to any particular poster.

For the record my daughter is also unvaccinated...and to my knowledge has never gotten another child sick as I keep her home if I know/think she is sick. She's only had a few colds and once a stomach virus that we all got. But she's never had anything "serious" which I attribute to MANY factors in her life. There's not just one thing that makes a kid sick or healthy...there are lots and every choice is important.

[deleted account]

hey if your refering to me saying i think your irresponsible then read my posts again.. i have not once called you irresponsable. no need to be so harsh and mouthy (didnt mean mouthy nastilly.. i just could not think of another word) to us..

Taffi - posted on 07/13/2009

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But don't you know only unvaccinated kids carry diseases and get sick? LOL. Thank you for this thread Kate. I guess it's just assumed by others that we're unresponsible parents since we choose not to vaccinate. So that not only is it assumed we would bring not only a sick child but one with a disease around other children. I don't even take my kid around others if he has a runny nose-which is about all he's ever gotten-mostly from other 'vaccinated' kids who's parents couldn't give a hoot :) He is more healthy than any other children I know and never had anything worse than allergies. Did I mention he was unvaccinated? It's amazing how many people do things and don't know the flip side or don't even know they have a choice. Thank you for trying to help those who don't know the flip side. Keep up the good work.

Kate - posted on 07/13/2009

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Yes -- if your child is ILL then you should either disclose the fact or (preferably) NOT take that child around other people at that time! It is irresponsible to take an ill child (one you know for sure is ill, not one you think could be) out in public. I see way too many parents who bring kids to playgrounds with runny noses and coughing everywhere. It bothers me.

btw I enjoy debating and discussing different ideas and parenting choices. I am very non-mainstream and it helps to open peoples' minds to new and different ways of doing things. I do not find it to be a source of stress.

Michelle - posted on 07/13/2009

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I think that if your child has an illness and your going to be around another child(ren) then you should say something. That way if another child comes down with something it takes some of the guess work out of what it could be. Otherwise, do as you please and say as you please!

Taffi - posted on 07/13/2009

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Statistically more children get the diseases from the vaccines than unvaccinated children contracting them naturally. So it would also be a good idea to monitor kids who have been vaccinated within the last few weeks around any newborn infants or young children who have not had them. This is not the majority of vaccinated kids but as I said-a larger percentace get the disease than unvaccinated children. And yet parents don't think to inform you that their child has been recently vaccinated. Because in both cases parents feel they have made a good decision and so don't think about it. They are not trying to decieve you either way. Because the majority of parents don't choose not to vaccinate because they 'don't believe in vaccinations." Here is a quote on a study about parent who don't vaccinate. "A recent study conducted by the CDC found that children who were vaccinated (but not fully) tend to come from homes run by poor, unmarried, badly educated mothers who trust their doctors, whereas children who were never vaccinated tend to come from homes where they are well-provided for, with married parents who possess a college degree and do not permit doctors to influence their vaccination decisions.
[Fox, Maggie. "Reasons Differ for Unvaccination and Undervaccination of Children." Reuters. July 6, 2004.] " Not saying this is true of all parents who vaccinate-the flip side was on parents who don't follow through with the vaccines. Just quoting this to show that it is usually an informed decision. And still not one made lightly.

[deleted account]

never said they was any different..i like the fact you have tried to be argumentative in most of your posts/threads.. no need to be so argumentative.. try not to take what people say out of context.. im sure it will be alot less stress free if you did that.. afterall noone is calling anyone bad parents nor are they non vac children are different.. i think if a child is carrying a disease that is potentially fatal to a youngster that is still to have the jab for that disease the parent should know.. thats all i was saying if you'd care to read again..

Kate - posted on 07/13/2009

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So here's a question:

If non-vaccinated children are NOT sick and do NOT have a disease, how are they any different than vaccinated children? And if vaccinated children ARE sick and DO get a disease ("preventable" or not), aren't they, at that time, more dangerous to small children?

I don't think any parent should HAVE to disclose their child's vaccination status. The child is not a disease-carrier just because they have not received vaccinations. But, any ILL children should have that disclosed (regardless of the source or cause of illness) and those ill children should, of course, avoid contact with as many people as possible.

There are so many myths surrounding non-vaccinated children now. But they are no more likely to get small children/pregnant women/the elderly sick than anyone else is.

[deleted account]

oh i am not saying the parents who decide not to vaccinate are wrong.. not at all.. they made their decision and good on them.. just that if a younger baby has not had that jab yet and the older one who's parents chose not to vac pass it to the younger one.. thats not good.. thats why i say they should tell us if their child not recieved their vacs

[deleted account]

who said they have to?? the only thing i think should be disclosed is if the child has not had vaccinations.. if their child was to get ill and our younger babies who had not yet had that vacination caught whatever it may be of that child then the parent was in the wrong for not telling us.. why should our kids get ill because they ''dont believe'' in vacs?

Taffi - posted on 07/13/2009

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On a side note, an interesting website to check out is thinktwice.com lots of case studies and info on how they're manufactured.

Taffi - posted on 07/13/2009

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I can see this mother point of view and personally have no problem telling parents about my choice. But for parents who are uncomfortable I guess I wonder why the vaccinated parents and children are worried. Even if they look at my child as a 'disease carrier' when they have in fact been injected with the virus, why are they so worried if vaccinations do in fact prevent these diseases? Shouldn't they be safe? I don't look at children who have been recently vaccinated as disease carriers even though their bodied currantly are harboring the virus while thier bodies build up immunities. Either way i don't think parents should have to keep their kids in a bubble. Godd luck to all parents-no matter what decision they make. it is the right one for their child.

Jen - posted on 07/13/2009

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Choices about Vaccines are personal, however if you choose not to vaccinate I feel you should be open about it. You may be criticized, but if there is one thing I have learned about parenting is that all your decisions will be questioned or criticized by someone (even if you are not aware of it). That being said, here is the rest of my opinion: Vaccines DO NOT work on everyone, but on most. The safety is in everyone (or most) getting them, and then those the vaccine does not work for, or those who were not given a vaccine, are mostly protected. The only way to find out a vaccine did not work is by contracting the disease/illness. It is your choice if you choose not to protect your child, but your choice does impact others ability to protect their child and they should know if there is a risk involved. While I was pregnant there was an outbreak of whooping cough in my office. Though I had been vaccinated against this, I scheduled an appt. to make sure my son would be safe. My doc felt the risk should be minimal at 34 weeks, and after an exam told me to relax. One week later I welcomed my 4 week premature son into the world. My son and I did not get whooping cough, thankfully. But was this the cause of my premature labor? The doctors can't say why I went form perfectly healthy, without a sign of labor, to full blown labor within 4 days of my appointment, 7 days after being exposed. The two may have had nothing to do with each other, but there is no way to know for sure. So please just be open about your choice, if only to those your child will be in close contact with.

Taffi - posted on 07/11/2009

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No they shouldn't but I'm glad to see more people concerned about the vaccine issue. We opted not to vaccinate our son after a lot of careful research and you wouldn't believe the flack we get. I think there are pros and cons to everything but each parent needs to feel comfortable with the decision they make for their child and that is enough for me. I love the web site thinktwice.com And think all parents should be informed not just do things cuz-my Doctor told me too. They get paid for that people:)

Cherie - posted on 07/10/2009

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I'm an "old" mom, my kids are 21 and 24. I think it's nobody's business the decisions you make for your family. I am not a fan of vaccinations because they contain heavy metals that can affect the development of the nervous system causing all kinds of problems. The best thing you can do is breastfeed because you pass on mothers immunities to your child. My kids never came down with chicken pox even though they were exposed to others with the affliction. Vaccinations can cause the disease they are supposed to prevent. Be careful of the mandatory vaccine they will be offering for Swine Flu, only the young will be getting it to start with. Why? The baby boomers have lived thru flu outbreaks before and have developed a resistance to this new strain. These days the "law" isn't always the best thing for your family. Don't believe anything your told.................always research before you make up your mind. There was a story on the web about a little one that received the Hepititis vaccine shortly after birth and within 9 days he died. My children never had to have a Hep vaccine as babies, not until they were in Middle School. Why the rush to give it to such young children????????? Question everything.

Tanya - posted on 07/10/2009

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I think its up to you personally to disclose or not your parenting decisions you don't have to tell anyone anything. If you choose not to tell anything I'd be careful of the people who suspect some wrong doing (there are those out there)

Lydia - posted on 07/10/2009

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I dont think anyone should HAVE to disclose their parenting choices. Yes if you are an abusive parent it would be nice of you to fess up - but unlikely. I like the 'do unto others' rule - if its something you would want to know about them then its good courtesy to let them know that about you. In general, dont see the point of hiding parenting choices as how can others respect those choices and cater for them if they dont know about them? Thats just my view though.

Jessica - posted on 07/10/2009

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No, I don't think you should have to say anything to anybody about how you chose to raise your children. I am however pretty vocal about how I raise my children and what I believe is right. I will not critisize other women's parenting descisions but if you ask my opinion on something I will always be very candid in my reply.

Emma - posted on 07/10/2009

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It is up to you if or how much to tell people, There are no right or wrong ways of doing things (excludind abuse ect)
if there was 90% of people would not be aloud kids

Amanda - posted on 07/10/2009

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I personally feel that a good butt whopping is sometimes needed for children. Call me old school. I feel that ithis is what is wrong with our children today that are allowed to get away with misbehaving and disrespecting elders. These are the chidren that when they get into trouble the parents want to know how and why. Every parent is entitled to correct their child the best they know how. If you ask my opinion I will give you an honest answer whether you like it or not.

Jessica - posted on 07/09/2009

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I don't believe you have to justify yourself to anyone. If your child is growing like they are suppose to and are happy it's really no ones business but yours and your partners. I do believe however its good to discuss with other moms. I have learned so much and have hopefully have taught other moms by discussing our choices as parents. I.E. I make my own baby food. It has nothing to do with pesticides or organic debates. I enjoy it and feel fulfillment when my child eats what I cook him. It's wonderful and so easy to do. I would never had tried it had other moms who feel very strongly about making their child's food had not brought it up to me.

Minnie - posted on 07/08/2009

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I do not openly say "I do such and such" like start a conversation. But if another woman asks of course I answer truthfully.

Debora - posted on 07/08/2009

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No, it's all private... I do however appreciate parents who disclose their children's health issues when they affect me or my child (ie. your child is in my care, your child has or you suspect your child has an infectious disease)

Lisa - posted on 07/08/2009

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Quoting Jenifer:

I think Tammy is right on. I couldn't care less if you vaccinate or what school your kids go to, but I'd want to know, for example, if as a teenager my son has friends whose parents think it is okay to supply alcohol to minors. I also don't care if someone uses spankings on their own kid, but I wouldn't want them disciplining my son that way if he were at their house. As long as you aren't undermining another parents choices, you can raise your kids however you see fit.



Agreed, well said.  I am pretty open and like to hear other people's opinions and tips but I would hope I have never overstepped what was appropriate to ask and would be completly fine with someone saying "I preffer not to discuss ----"

[deleted account]

I think Tammy is right on. I couldn't care less if you vaccinate or what school your kids go to, but I'd want to know, for example, if as a teenager my son has friends whose parents think it is okay to supply alcohol to minors. I also don't care if someone uses spankings on their own kid, but I wouldn't want them disciplining my son that way if he were at their house. As long as you aren't undermining another parents choices, you can raise your kids however you see fit.

[deleted account]

Quoting Tammy:

I think it is no one else's business how you raise your child except for two cases: If you are doing something that is LEGALLY considered abuse (not their personal opinion, you are actually doing something against a law) or if your parenting choices somehow affect THEM. If your choices do not harm them or their children and it's not illegal then other people need to mind their own business.



Yup...I agree with this response.  I woudl have said the same thing.

[deleted account]

I think it is no one else's business how you raise your child except for two cases: If you are doing something that is LEGALLY considered abuse (not their personal opinion, you are actually doing something against a law) or if your parenting choices somehow affect THEM. If your choices do not harm them or their children and it's not illegal then other people need to mind their own business.

Marta - posted on 07/08/2009

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I think the choice not to vaccinate should be presented especially if you are going to be in contact with babies who are highly susceptable to disease and cannot fight certain diseases without intervention. Personally I believe that vaccinations should be mandatory except for those protecting against sexually transmitted infections such as the HPV shot. Chicken Pox itself can cause hearing and vision impairment in your child so why take the risk of an infection when you can protect your child?

Malinda - posted on 07/08/2009

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You never HAVE to (unless it's social services asking... then you probably want to).



I'm vocal about my choices. Not because I think they're the only right ones, but because they aren't always common choices and I like to offer information about them if others are interested in learning another way. If someone you aren't comfortable discussing them with asks, you can ALWAYS just say "I'm not comfortable discussing our methods."

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