partner above kids???

Sarah - posted on 05/24/2009 ( 228 moms have responded )

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there is a woman called Ayelet Waldman who has said that she loves her partner more than her kids. she says she can imagine a future without her kids but can't imagine a future without her husband.

i personally cannot get my head around that! i love my kids more than anyone or anything! does anyone else have an opinion on this??

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[deleted account]

I dont think u should choose between them but ya kids need you and ya partner should be big enough too look after them selves and y is it that people keep going on about there kids leaving them but they seem to think that there partner will be there for life???? surely its the other way around like Lydia said they move out but they will always be there, we all like to think our partners will be there forever but that may not happen. I love my partner so much i couldnt begin to tell ya how much but i know my kids need me more than he does and yes we are a team and the kids love it but hey as ive learnt from my own experiences ur partner may not b there forever, so y should he come b4 my kids coz at anytime in my life he could get up and go.

Lydia - posted on 05/25/2009

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Its interesting that a number of people refer to a husband being with you forever and children leaving but I dont consider myself to be raising a child to grow up and leave me. She may move out (hopefully at some point in the future) and she will definately have her own life - but I would still hope that we will still be a significant part of each others lives even once she has flown the coop... The arguement doesnt make sense to me.

Mel - posted on 05/25/2009

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i agree with Debbie, some of the comments here are so wrong and un necessary. It does not ever mean you shouldnt be a mum , but your partner should always come first.

Debbie - posted on 05/25/2009

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It's not that you value your spouse more then your kids! It's that your spouse should be your ally, best friend etc. Your kids can't and shouldn't be those things to you. If you put your kids first you will realize one day when the kids are grown and have left the house, that you and your spouse have grown apart more then likely. Not only that but putting your children before your spouse makes it easier for them to play sides. In our household our kids know that mom and dad are a team. You don't try to play one against the other or there will be consequences. Our 17 year girl really appreciates the relationship her dad and I have, actually both of them do, but our boy's at the stage where kissing a girl is icky-LOL! When mom and dad have a solid relationship you find that kids are more relaxed and confident. I love my children dearly and would die for them but they don't come before my hubby!

Heidi - posted on 05/25/2009

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I can't say I love my husband more than my kids, because I love them equally and unconditionaly. They are my world.

Emma - posted on 05/25/2009

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I Don't think any mother could REALLY imagine losing their kids, but I guess it's great that after being married and having kids she can still be that passionate about her chosen mate.
It's so easy to get caught up in your day to day work and kid stuff, that your relationship gets put on the back burner. It's up to both partners to make sure the love / passion / Flame is kept burning. But I couldn't say I love my kids more, or I love him more, it's a different kind of love....
But then again, what does it matter, as long as you love your man and your kids as much as you can, value them for the individuals they are, and do your best for them all... I honestly believe the only opinions that matter in my life, are those of my hubby and kids. As long as they still think I rock, then I must be ok!! Heheheheh

[deleted account]

Im sorry but from the experience from actually losing my first child to Lukemia when he was 8 months old and then about 6 years later splitting up with my partner that i had been with since i was 16, Nothing comes close to the pain of having your child leaving ya life!!!!!
This woman wants to pray that she doesnt find out what its like to lose a child, yes everyone should have there own opinion, but not when it comes to something like that coz ur kids should come b4 anything and anyone. And if u put some man infront of ur own kids then u shouldnt even be a mum, baby p would still be ere now if his mother actually had a clue what being a mum is all about

[deleted account]

Im sorry but from the experience from actually losing my first child to Lukemia when he was 8 months old and then about 6 years later splitting up with my partner that i had been with since i was 16, Nothing comes close to the pain of having your child leaving ya life!!!!!
This woman wants to pray that she doesnt find out what its like to lose a child, yes everyone should have there own opinion, but not when it comes to something like that coz ur kids should come b4 anything and anyone. And if u put some man infront of ur own kids then u shouldnt even be a mum, baby p would still be ere now if his mother actually had a clue what being a mum is all about

User - posted on 05/25/2009

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IT SEEMS THAT HER PRIORITES OUR ALL SCREWED UP (LACK OF A BETTER WORD) NO MAN SHOULD BE PUT BEFORE YOUR KIDS. AND YES, IF IT HAD NOT BEEN FOR HIM, THEY WOULD NOT BE HERE. WHEN U HAVE CHILDREN, ITS AN AUTOMATIC PRIORITY. AND WHEN THEY ARE YOUNG ITS VERY CRITICAL THAT THEY FEEL YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT. AND KNOW I DONT KNOW IF THIS MAN IS THE FATER OF YOUR KIDS, IT DONT REALLY MATTER IF HE IS OR NOT. CHILDREN CAN FEEL THINGS, AND THEY KNOW WHEN THEY ARE BEING IGNORED. WHEN THEY GET OLDER, PLEASE BELIEVE. THEY WILL LET U KNOW HOW U MADE THEM FEEL AS A CHILD. I WENT THROUGH SOMETHING SIMILAR WITH MY MOM. I PRAYED ALOT,SOMETHING THAT I ALWAYS DO, BUT IT HURTS, AND BELIEVE ME, THERE WILL COME A DAY WHEN THEY LET U KNOW JUST HOW U MADE THEM FEEL. U CHOSE A MAN OVER THEM. NOT COOL AT ALL!!!

Amie - posted on 05/25/2009

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My god. I read the article the OP posted on this question. My mind was completely blown. I can comprehend that you love your husband very differently from how you love your children. The big difference in this statement though is the love for your husband is something you grow into as you get to know said husband. With your own child that feeling is always there. At least it should be. If you are detached from your kids there is something seriously wrong. From the moment I found out I was pregnant (after the initial pardon me I'm what phase passed) I could feel my heart expand and ache all at the same time. It's a huge thing finding out you are going to be a parent. That you are going to be raising SOMEONE, that they will require you for ALLl their needs until they are ready to leave home, that you are to be there sole provider and protector, that under no other circumstances this little human being you are carrying is a part of you. That is a pretty profound and moving moment in any parents life. To know that a piece of you will always carry on towards the future, even as you and said partner/husband die, they will live and thrive in your image and moulding.
Some parents never truly understand this and this is one of the biggest reasons (I believe) why there are so many messed up kids out there. There parents never took the time in that profound moment of finding out that they've created a life to sit and think I need to do my very best and be there for them always, no matter their age, whether they are at home or out on their own.
No one ever truly out lives needing their parents. True we all can survive on our own. We go on and start our own families but there is always a part of us that yearns for the days when we could always turn around and our parents were there to take care of things for us. Now we are out in the world, facing reality and going.. oh shit I'm an adult and have to do this on my own. But there's the rub... if we ever truly get into a jam who do the majority turn to? Their parents that's who. For some this is not an option, whether they have a crappy relationship with their parents or their parents have passed on. My own mother wishes she could still have my grandma around because she misses her and her guidance. It never goes away, we will always have more experience than our children, we will always be wiser and we will always be there to give them the lessons we've learned in our life times. Now there is a certain point where we need to let them go out on their own and live, experience and grow on their own but that does not mean we are not still there, sitting on the sidelines waiting for that hey mom call to come our way.
Our husbands on the other hand are someone we've chosen to spend our lives with. We've grown to love them through their traits, their values, their morals, all the little idiosyncracies we see as their close partner that the world doesn't always see. This is why we as a society date (or court in the old days). To get to know each other, to find out if we're compatible. We don't just wake up one day, meet some guy, fall in love with him and marry him. That's ludacrious to think we would. With our children though that is exactly what happens. We find out we're pregnant and all of a sudden we love someone else, without ever having met them.
I can not fathom how this woman or any other can compare the two. There is no comparing them. Both are deep and profound loves we feel but they are very very different. Does this mean I would choose either over the other? I can not say I would. I do know that if it was a life or death circumstance my husband and I would both run for the children. Why? Because they need us to, we are grown adults and can take care of ourselves if the need arose. When they are grown and need us we would also both run to them, day or night, rain or shine, we would be there. Our children need us and we will be there. It is that simple. It does not matter what we are doing, it does not matter how much it might "put us out" we would be there.
I do not even like to think of losing any of them, my world would be shattered for a time. Very deeply shattered, for awhile I would probably even think I couldn't go on and would never find happiness in anything again. But humans are a wonderful creation, we are built to grieve and when that grieving comes to a soft sigh in our heads... then we can move on and find happiness again. It does not mean we won't always feel the pang of longing for our lost loved one when we think of them, we might even have days where we cry because of how much it hurts. But we will persevere and go on. If you love someone enough you will find happiness again. They would want it no other way, only a truly selfish person would say... I don't want you to be happy and I want your life to come to a halt when I pass on. No one would say that, they would want you to continue your life and try your hardest to find happiness and love again. It would be a disservice and disgrace to their memory if you stopped living only because you used the excuse that they are gone and can not bear the pain. There are so many people around the world who feel loss and continue on and find fulfilling and love filled lives.
Sorry this is so long... the woman is freaking nuts in the way she thinks but then again some may think I am the same way. =)

Kayla - posted on 05/24/2009

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that is very true, even though it is still heartbreaking to lose a spouse nothing compares to the loss of a child and nothing will replace a child

Claudette - posted on 05/24/2009

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Something to think about...
When you lose your spouse (for whatever reason i.e. death) partners can be replaced ~ when you lose a child they can never be replaced.

Christy - posted on 05/24/2009

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Very well said sarah!



 



Quoting Sarah:

i find everyone's comments really interesting. i agree that the love for your husband/partner is very different and i guess it shouldn't really be compared. if the highly unlikely scenario occured where i had to choose my husband or my kids, i would choose my kids, but more importantly my husband would WANT me to choose them, just as if it were the other way round, i'd want him to save the kids. it's a very interesting debate tho! thanks for all the replies so far! :)





 

Melissa - posted on 05/24/2009

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Quoting Chantel:

I read the article and in it she says she could get over the death of a child or even all four of her children but she can't imagine her life without her husband. I'm sorry but I don't agree. I only have one child and couldn't imagine what it would be like to lose her, never mind four. I don't want to lose my fiance either but I would eventually move passed it. In a life or death situation I would absolutely choose my daughter over my fiance as he would expect me to and he would choose her over me.



I agree so much without mine I would want to die now knowwing them its so hard sometimes even thinking about that I dont think I would want to live for even another minute I think alot of relationships would choose this like you said and I earlier have stated we bring them into this world so now we protect them... Our husbands/ wives can protect themselves way more then a child.. Thanks for your post Chantel

Melissa - posted on 05/24/2009

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I completly think my kids come first my husband and I have talked about this and I would expect him to put our children first as I choose to put them first especially in a life ot death situation no brainer.... If its something like one of us need a nap or we are sick we both do our best to keep the children away from the other one but when it comes down to it they do come first on many and most things however like in occasions like that say when I had morning sickness my husband would get me a glass of water and bring it to me before putting my daughters cartoons on.

To the OP I know how stressfull and angry you become when you read words like that I went through similar things like this recently a lady I am not going to name names but stated she would choose her husband before her daughter as she could have more kids but could not find another man like him also that he puts food on the table and pays bills and how the daughter doesnt I was angry to read this like a ticking time bomb. I snapped.

Kayla - posted on 05/24/2009

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I would have to say my children will always come first before any of my future partners, without a doubt. My son is apart of me and I know he always will be, but I cant say the same for my husband

Kayla - posted on 05/24/2009

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sorry its this first time i have done this so my comment wasnt intended for you

Laura - posted on 05/24/2009

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for some reason i have been compelled to add to my comment. i said that there is no "pecking order" in my house which is true as far as who do i love more which is what you think when you first read the question. however when it comes to my kids needing something then my husband just has to wait. hell i even quick smoking 2 1/2 years ago because i couldn't afford the habit anymore it was like do you choose what you want or give the kids what they need. my husband understands that and doesn't question what i do (he might complain, but never questions). i will also intervene when i think that he is talking to the kids in a manner in which i don't agree with. i guess it's just how you look at the question. it's still the same thought i couldn't imagine my life with out anyone. the loss would still be and feel the same.

Kayla - posted on 05/24/2009

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I would have to say that I would definately put my children before any future partners I will have, without a doubt. My son comes first always.

Laura - posted on 05/24/2009

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everyone in my house has equal love. there is no "pecking order". authority on the other hand is different, no child in my house has any... my life would change if anyone meaning my partner, my kids, were gone. the pain of loss would still be the same.

Sondra - posted on 05/24/2009

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OMG...what the hell is wrong with that women...she calls herself a Mother?? I am complete opposite...my kids come first before any man would...and if the man you are with don't agree with that...then you get rid of him asap...I think a real man would respect that your children come first!!! I have to say men are very needy...and that is why I am divorced and been single for going on 8 years...but I don't care this is my time with my kids...its hard to find a good guy these days...alot of them want to come first..and that just doesn't fly with me...call me crazy but that is how I believe!!!

Sarah - posted on 05/24/2009

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I believe that marriage is forever, therefore to say "men come and go" is absolutely incorrect to me. My son's needs do come before my husband's wants since he can not care for himself, but he does not always come before my husband. I love them both differently yet equally and couldn't imagine my life without either. It is not true for everyone, but a lot of women who always put their kids before their husband tend to have poor relationships which often leads to divorce. Your marriage should be the foundation for your childrens' future relationships!

Mel - posted on 05/24/2009

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exactly. men dont always come and go. not if your sensible enough to have children and marry a decent one. Husbands and kids should be both loved equally

Brooke - posted on 05/24/2009

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Quoting Kerry:

ok! men come and go,children are depent and your responsibility for life,a man is not. Kids come first always as far as i am concerned and people who think otherwise need to get their priorities right.



Men may not be depentant but if you are in a happy relationship they dont come and go. I cant believe you would say someone should get their priorities right, my daughter comes first but I also love my partner just as much.

Brooke - posted on 05/24/2009

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Love comes in many differnent forms. I love my partner with my whole heart as I do with my baby but the way I love my daughter from my partner is also very different. I cant imagine not having either of them. My daughter is a symbol of the love that my partner and I share. I respect this ladies opinion and I understand as it is true your partner stays by your side the whole way. But personally the thought of not having them is horrible.

Sherri - posted on 05/24/2009

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Tough question... for me, my kids came 1st. When they're born, they are tiny and helpless, and totally dependent on you for everything. You care for them, you protect them and do what you must, even when they're grown and on their own, as mine are. I loved their dad, but he was married to his job and golf, and was rarely home. As it turned out, we divorced when our youngest was about 6yrs old. My kids and I are very close, to this day. In my mind, there was never any question who came first.

Sherri - posted on 05/24/2009

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Tough question... my kids came first, always, but that, to me, is a natural mom-thing. When they're born, they're tiny and helpless and you do what you have to to care for them and protect them. That never changes, even when they're grown and on their own, as mine are. I loved my husband, but he was married to his job and golfing, and he rarely spent time at home, so there was never any question in my mind who came first.

Kerry - posted on 05/24/2009

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ok! men come and go,children are depent and your responsibility for life,a man is not. Kids come first always as far as i am concerned and people who think otherwise need to get their priorities right.

Chantel - posted on 05/24/2009

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I read the article and in it she says she could get over the death of a child or even all four of her children but she can't imagine her life without her husband. I'm sorry but I don't agree. I only have one child and couldn't imagine what it would be like to lose her, never mind four. I don't want to lose my fiance either but I would eventually move passed it. In a life or death situation I would absolutely choose my daughter over my fiance as he would expect me to and he would choose her over me.

Kristy - posted on 05/24/2009

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I think that you have diff. types of love for those in your life. Yes, your spouse will be there before and hopefully after your kids are grown and gone and you should make sure that your love for him will last through the passage of time. But I would not pick him over my boy. I look at it like my husband can fend for himself. He is not dependent on my for his development (as he has already developed), he can get a job and buy his own food, his own housing and so on. My son, until he is an adult, is dependent upon me for all of the above. So, until my son is able to take care of himself and is no longer dependent upon me for his survival and well being, I will put him above my spouse. But, with that said, I beleive that part of putting my sons needs first is maintaing a healthy and happy marriage.

[deleted account]

I love my husband that is why I married him and made a family but the thing is my child is my blood she and I have an unconditional love that I could never have with my husband. Lets put it this way if I had to leave my child or my husband I would say I would leave my husband my child is my life. But don't get me wrong my husband is very much loved and I would not want to think about my life with out him.

Lori - posted on 05/24/2009

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Hahahahaaha. well this is a shakespearean comedy much ado about nothing, A woman feels a closer bond to her husband than her children, well she's wired a little different, but I bet when she' old and grey she won't be sleeping alone. Children are blood but your spouse is that heart that circulates it. I love my children and I love my spouse I definately do not love them the same. when they are little they need me more than he does but that does not mean he does not need me.I have a responsibility to all their needs. Any man worth the name knows that children need their mama and will defer to that temporarily but no they do not and they will not always come first. They are his kids too some times they get priority over me with him. I'm okay with that. I pity the woman whose children are not her spouses that is not how its supposed to work so often it doesn't. If you love your childrens' Daddy you love them by extension and the same goes for the Daddy who loves his childrens Mommy. Sad the child who's Mommy thinks Daddy is sub human pond scum.

Katrina - posted on 05/24/2009

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What you have to remember is that one day your kids will grow up and be active members of society........

You are stuck with your spouse until death........ YOu have to give yourself space from your kids.......

Izabela - posted on 05/24/2009

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Definitely love them both totally differently, can't compare one to the other or imagine life without either. But this comment may also go back to the school of thought that the center of a family is the marriage rather than the child. And the idea that nurturing the marriage as the priority of the family produces healthy well adjusted children, without entitlement issues.... I've seen her comment in the papers as well as the corresponding links/comments. And I guess at the end of the day who cares. If she and her family are happy it works for them.

Morag - posted on 05/24/2009

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I am lucky in the respects that I had my eldest before I met my husband. When I started dating my husband I made it painfully clear that my daughter/children would always come first and they always have. But he is the same. I know that he will put the best interests of the girls before me and everything else, and I want that. I want to know that should anything happen, he will take care of the girls. I don't care about me. And he knows I will take care of the girls before him. The thing is in relationships between a man and a woman, it is a conditional love. You only love your husband because he is faithful to you, takes care of your heart and loves you... with your kids, you will love them forever no matter what they do. You may not agree with them, you may never speak to them again, but you will always love them. With partners, what they do can have serious and detrimental effects towards how you love them, and you can fall out of love with them.

Your children can only ever have one mum and one dad (the ones that raise you and love you with all their hearts), but you can have many husbands who say they love you...

My husband is my soul mate and my best friend. I would struggle very hard if I was to loose him.. it would break my heart, but if he asked me to choose... the girls or him, it would always be the girls... if the girls asked me to choose it would be them...The only time that would change is once they have grown up and left home. Then while they are the ones I love the most and uncondtionally, they have made the choice to leave home and have their own life...What I therefore do with my life is my business... but they are still my nº1s.

Lear - posted on 05/24/2009

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This is part of the article>>>> HAVE been in many mothers' groups - Mommy and Me, Gymboree, Second-Time Moms - and each time, within three minutes, the conversation invariably comes around to the topic of how often mommy feels compelled to put out. Everyone wants to be reassured that no one else is having sex either. These are women who, for the most part, are comfortable with their bodies, consider themselves sexual beings. These are women who love their husbands or partners. Still, almost none of them are having any sex.

There are agreed upon reasons for this bed death. They are exhausted. It still hurts. They are so physically available to their babies - nursing, carrying, stroking - how could they bear to be physically available to anyone else?

But the real reason for this lack of sex, or at least the most profound, is that the wife's passion has been refocused. Instead of concentrating her ardor on her husband, she concentrates it on her babies. Where once her husband was the center of her passionate universe, there is now a new sun in whose orbit she revolves. Libido, as she once knew it, is gone, and in its place is all-consuming maternal desire. There is absolute unanimity on this topic, and instant reassurance.

Except, that is, from me.

I am the only woman in Mommy and Me who seems to be, well, getting any. This could fill me with smug well-being. I could sit in the room and gloat over my wonderful marriage. I could think about how our sex life - always vital, even torrid - is more exciting and imaginative now than it was when we first met. I could check my watch to see if I have time to stop at Good Vibrations to see if they have any exciting new toys. I could even gaze pityingly at the other mothers in the group, wishing that they too could experience a love as deep as my own.

But I don't. I am far too busy worrying about what's wrong with me. Why, of all the women in the room, am I the only one who has not made the erotic transition a good mother is supposed to make? Why am I the only one incapable of placing her children at the center of her passionate universe?

WHEN my first daughter was born, my husband held her in his hands and said, "My God, she's so beautiful."

I unwrapped the baby from her blankets. She was average size, with long thin fingers and a random assortment of toes. Her eyes were close set, and she had her father's hooked nose. It looked better on him.

She looked like a newborn baby, red and scrawny, blotchy faced and mewling. I don't remember what I said to my husband. Actually I remember very little of my Percocet- and Vicodin-fogged first few days of motherhood except for someone calling and squealing, "Aren't you just completely in love?" And of course I was. Just not with my baby.

I do love her. But I'm not in love with her. Nor with her two brothers or sister. Yes, I have four children. Four children with whom I spend a good part of every day: bathing them, combing their hair, sitting with them while they do their homework, holding them while they weep their tragic tears. But I'm not in love with any of them. I am in love with my husband. She is simply saying she is not IN LOVE with her kids. Not much to get your head around its an opinion of one woman, doesnt make it wrong like some of these posts are making it.

Jeanne - posted on 05/24/2009

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I have met some women in my life who cannot feel fulfilled unless there is a man in there life and would ignore and sometimes even give up their kids to hold on to a man. Their own self worth is wrapped up in being someones wife or girlfriend. Depending on what the person experienced growing up they cannot relate to the unconditionnal love from a child so they push the children away because it is easier to do that than deal with what has happened to them. Could I live without my kids???? NO Could I live without my husband??? If I had to. Do I want to experience doing it on my own again? Absolutely NOT. Some people see children as a hindrance and that they are holding them back and sometimes if the child is from a previous relationship they also equate it with the bad experiences they had with that partner. Some children are never wanted (accidental pregnancies) but these same people do not or cannot bring themselves to have an abortion and that is why they never bond with their children. Although I do not know this woman's circumstances I must admit that I feel sad for this woman for putting her spouse ahead of her kids.

Ruth - posted on 05/24/2009

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It's got nothing to do with "God", duties or anything else. This woman is being honest about her feelings. She can't make herself feel a different way to please others. She hasn't said she neglects her kids or hates them, just that she feels more for partner than said children.



It's not ideal and I bet her kids feel hurt when they find out. I wouldn't question why she feels this way, because she can't help it, but more why she feels the need to shout it from the roof-tops.

Lear - posted on 05/24/2009

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I agree I love my kids and would never want to be without them, but I didnt say until death do we part to them!!! My kids know they are loved very much and they know that i would always be there for them and thats all that needs to be said. My husband is the one i chose to intertwine my life with not my kids. I dont think she meant she loves her partner more than her kids. It is a different kind of love and her kids will not always be there, but her husband will. Think of all the people that are now empty nesters, you think their kids are still there, no. They left their father and mother and started their own family and life thats what is meant to be, Thats life. You'll see one day what the author meant, you cant right now because your still with little ones. which by the way are adorable.

[deleted account]

You're on the Titanic. It's sinking fast. They call out for women and children to fill the lifeboat. What are you going to do?

Option 1: "screw the children, they can go down with the ship, I need my man"

Option 2: "take the children, I'm staying, can't live without my husband" leaving the kids orphaned

Option 3: Say goodbye, and get on the lifeboat with your children



Seriously, I'm ditching my man and getting my kids out of there!

Tina - posted on 05/24/2009

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Your children always need attention, but you shouldn't lose site of your partner in the process. We all multi-task around the house and with the kids your partner should be in the mix as well. Don't get me wrong he needs to do this as well with you.

As for loving your husband more than your kids...I couldn't say anything like that. It's almost like picking favorites...you can't. love is love and a family should never be devided. This is only my opinion. But as a couple we should come first and be on the same page to raise our children.

Becky - posted on 05/24/2009

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Interesting, and very challenging question when you put real thought into the matter. Loving one more than the other seems to imply circumstances in which one would be required to choose whose best interest she will act in - husband/partner or children. I pray that I will never be faced with such a decision, but here are my two cents: My ex-husband (my two girls' father), and my boyfriend (who is actively parenting and raising my daughters with me) would both insist, and even further demand that if I were ever being forced to choose their well-being or our children's, that I put the children first every time. I would make the very same demand if the other parents were ever put in a situation where they must choose the safety and well-being of either myself or my daughters. In that aspect, it does not matter who you love more - the interests of the children MUST always come first. The interests of the children are also best served when they see me love and respect the other parent in our home, and when they see me value and respect the position of their father in their lives. In all, loving one's partner equally with the children is essential, but God's allowed me to be "Mama" in order to fully protect, nurture, and love my children in a way that I do for no one else. They will rely on me in different ways throughout their lives, whether at home or moved away as adults. My boyfriend will rely on me in different ways, as well, but God did not charge me with providing his every need or sustaining his life - how I care for, protect, love, and provide for him is a choice I made when I chose him as my partner. My duties to my children are a charge from God in order to properly serve the two beautiful gifts He gave me, and they must come first.

Katherine - posted on 05/24/2009

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I love my partner and my kids in completely different ways. My children count on me for protection. I would protect them even from my spouse like a momma bear if necessary. My spouse and I need to have a relationship after the kids go off to college. I don't consider it loving him more than I love them. It is serving my kids needs to when I put effort into my marriage. If they spend the night at Grandma's so we can have an evening to relax, nap, and rekindle than I am a better mom for having that time to refuel and my relationship is strengthened meaning we stay together as a family unit instead of drifting apart. I think the idea of loving a spouse more than your kids may flare up the need to protect to much to be a reasonable way phrase anything around a mom.

Ruth - posted on 05/24/2009

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Everyone is different and whether you like her opinion or not, it's how she feels. She can't change it to suit others. I'd say I love my husband, my son and my step-son all in different ways which aren't compariable to each other. In the past, certain people have been shocked when I say that I don't love my son and step-son in the same way, but I don't. I can't make myself feel something that isn't there. I love my step-son, am fiercely protective of him and would never let anything happen to him, but the love I have for my biological son is a totally different and much stronger.



When we hear a mother speak about her kids in a way that doesn't match our ideals of how a mother should be, we're outraged and can't understand it....



But this is how she feels and we must accept it.



However, perhaps she shouldn't have published it in a newspaper as I can't imagine her kids will feel great when they read it!

Jenni - posted on 05/24/2009

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who is this woman we're talking about? just some random? i could never imagine choosing my partner over my son... (who is also his father) we've talked about it and i've even told him i would choose our son over him if it came down to it... and he was more than happy to hear it... there is some kind of extreme dependency issue or other psychological mis-wiring if a woman would choose her partner over her children... if that is the case then the woman never should have had kids, she is obviously an unfit mother with deep issues

Abby - posted on 05/24/2009

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Quoting Angela :

Wow!! I was in the hospital, when the man I was dating at that time told me that he had had enough of my kids and told me basically that he wanted to spend only times with me...I told him where the door was at~with my foot!



that is awful! what an incredibly selfish man(i dont mean to upset u if u still feel anything for him) i have a son with my partner he has a daughter with an ex and i wouldnt expect him to choose me over him, i adore all 3 of them, but i also have an incredibly strong bond with my mum since having my son. it's a difficult thing to say either way. i love them all a HUGE amount just all in different ways! x

Diane - posted on 05/24/2009

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In an ideal world, we are married to the man of our dreams who will never make us choose. In these situations, we need to make time to tend to our spousal relationship and know that our number 1 ally is our spouse.



Unfortunately, there are situaltions where this is not a possibility. That is when our children need to be #1.

Jessica - posted on 05/24/2009

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After my mother and father divorced, my mother chose her new husband over me (just because the bible says to do that doesn't make it right) how a mother could make that decision is beyond me. I will always put my children first, no matter what...they depend on me to live and grow....my husband would do the same in a heart beat...am I saying that I love my husband any less? Heavens no! Not enough parents really raise their own children and we wonder why the next generation is so screwed up...think about it....too many loveless parents....imagine if that lady was your mother and you read that article?

Jessica - posted on 05/24/2009

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WHAT? Yea I don't know how she is wired, but my kids come first...my husband will agree. She must have a screw loose. I couldn't live without my boys..they are the only things keeping me sane.

Anna - posted on 05/24/2009

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I love my partner and son equally but if things dont work out with my partner and i in the future, relationship wise, i would get over it and probably look for a younger man (lol)

But there is NO WAY will my son get rid of me, He can move out of home, get a girlfriend that hates me but at the end of the day I will always be his mother and i will fight tooth and nail for my boy...

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