partner above kids???

Sarah - posted on 05/24/2009 ( 228 moms have responded )

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there is a woman called Ayelet Waldman who has said that she loves her partner more than her kids. she says she can imagine a future without her kids but can't imagine a future without her husband.

i personally cannot get my head around that! i love my kids more than anyone or anything! does anyone else have an opinion on this??

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Jessica - posted on 05/24/2009

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WHAT? Yea I don't know how she is wired, but my kids come first...my husband will agree. She must have a screw loose. I couldn't live without my boys..they are the only things keeping me sane.

Anna - posted on 05/24/2009

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I love my partner and son equally but if things dont work out with my partner and i in the future, relationship wise, i would get over it and probably look for a younger man (lol)

But there is NO WAY will my son get rid of me, He can move out of home, get a girlfriend that hates me but at the end of the day I will always be his mother and i will fight tooth and nail for my boy...

Lisa - posted on 05/24/2009

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I can't fathom the author either, but I think its because of my situation. I am married to my 3rd husband, he is not the father of my kids and my kids have not seen their father in 10 years. I have raised them myself and continue to do so. It would be different if I was raising my children WITH their father, but i am not. My children are the most important thing ever. Even when I was with their father, I remember looking at my daughter when she was about 3 months old and thought this is what love is. I realized that I had not loved, truly, before her. Yes I love my husband but he is beneath my kids. THEY came before him. He does not understand this and this is a problem in my marriage. He thinks he should be before the kids. I told him bluntly that will never happen. My children are everything. I respect and understand other's points of view on this one, but having been married a couple times I can say, I will always love my children. I may not always love my husband.

Angela - posted on 05/24/2009

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Wow!! I was in the hospital, when the man I was dating at that time told me that he had had enough of my kids and told me basically that he wanted to spend only times with me...I told him where the door was at~with my foot!

Cindy - posted on 05/24/2009

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Quoting Sarah:

i find everyone's comments really interesting. i agree that the love for your husband/partner is very different and i guess it shouldn't really be compared. if the highly unlikely scenario occured where i had to choose my husband or my kids, i would choose my kids, but more importantly my husband would WANT me to choose them, just as if it were the other way round, i'd want him to save the kids. it's a very interesting debate tho! thanks for all the replies so far! :)


a GOOD Man would want you to choose your kids as well, and would insist upon it. Again though i don't feel there's really any comparision, it's simply not the same thing. By that token i agree with the woman you were quoting. Not to say i'd pick a partner above children, but the kids will leave, the theory is that you marry for life, while you raise children knowing they're going to leave. Both relationships need love and care and fostering. I understand what she was saying, and while i didn't read her interview, i don't think i need to, because like i said i get it. Maybe she just phrased it wrong =)

Sarah - posted on 05/24/2009

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i find everyone's comments really interesting. i agree that the love for your husband/partner is very different and i guess it shouldn't really be compared. if the highly unlikely scenario occured where i had to choose my husband or my kids, i would choose my kids, but more importantly my husband would WANT me to choose them, just as if it were the other way round, i'd want him to save the kids. it's a very interesting debate tho! thanks for all the replies so far! :)

Cindy - posted on 05/24/2009

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In an ideal situation you get married, and then you have kids, and you and your partner choose a life together forever, raise your children who move on and form lives of their own. People often times forget their marriages need to be tended as well, and the partner was there before and will be there after the children. As mothers we often become so consumed with our children we do forget to put our partners first as well. You can not have children without a father, and even you're divorced and hate the bastard you should still love your kids more then you hate him, however you have to have a balance, the love we feel for men is different then that of our children, and losing either would be a devastating loss. It's simply a different KIND of love, in my opinion, then loving one more then the other

Mel - posted on 05/24/2009

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Quoting Kristie:

i read it and comming from a broken family where my mother chose her boyfriend over me ive promised my self that i would never be like her.i had my dad raise me so if ever my life came to the point where i have to choose my children will always come first


my mother chose her bf over me to, and it hurt, even though they broke up about 4 years later she still takes his side on the situation. but it depends what the situation is as well. Like most of the others have said your partner is with you for life your kids come and go so of course to me he comes first but if its a situation like abuse or anything i would hope that a woman would chose her child. I am lucky to never have to deal with that but some women are not this lucky

Joanne - posted on 05/24/2009

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my kids r above my partner, they were ere b4 e came alng, i chose my children ova my husband nd it was the best thin i did. my children r my life .

Esther - posted on 05/24/2009

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I'm sure there is a healthy aspect to it, as some other moms have expressed, because at some point your kids do move on and live their own lives when hopefully you'll stay behind with your husband, but if there was ever a situation where I had to choose between my son and my husband, it would not take me 1 second to decide - my son come first. Woulnd't even be a close call. As for imagining my life without my son - I don't even want to think about it.

Leanne - posted on 05/24/2009

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Your husband is the one you choose to spend the rest of your life with. Your children will grow up, leave the nest and choose partners of their own and are no longer part of you day to day routine/lifestyle. Your husband will be. He is the one you will spend the rest of your days with not your children. Having said that who could imagine life without either? Not many but this may be the angle this woman was coming from.

Kristie - posted on 05/24/2009

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i read it and comming from a broken family where my mother chose her boyfriend over me ive promised my self that i would never be like her.i had my dad raise me so if ever my life came to the point where i have to choose my children will always come first

Lydia - posted on 05/24/2009

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Im the same as many before me - love them both one as much as other. Only difference is my daughter NEEDS me to survive (I know this will change but for now thats just how it is) so I NEED to put her first - hubby is big and ugly enough to look after himself! However, I would never (intentionally) love/treat one at the detriment of the other.



I can picture what my life would have been like if my daughter never existed but she has and I dont want to imagine this life without her.

Tabitha - posted on 05/24/2009

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Quoting Sarah:

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news...
here's a link to what she said.



Ok, I read it but... still don't get how anyone could put one life over another. Yes everyone deserves to be loved, the really special and deep kind of love but it should not come down to making a decision of spouse over kids. Each should be equally loved and depending on the situation who needs the attention. But when it comes right down to it in my opinion, that should not even be  a question to be asked, because noone should ever have to make that decision.

Kristie - posted on 05/24/2009

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i love my partner and my children equally but i cant imagine life without my kids they are my first priority

Sally - posted on 05/24/2009

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i dont know what to say about this all its hard to get my head around it!! i have love for my partner and child equally! tho it is in 2 different ways! your children are apart of you they are your blood how can you but them second they are your future as they are your partners future!! giving birth to them is the most wonderful thing words cant describe the feeling you have once they are in your arms and having your partner there beside you to go threw it all is amazing!! tho i would put my child first if he needed me as would his father do the same! my partner and son are my world i dont know what i would do without either of them!!!!

Jamie - posted on 05/24/2009

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In my opinion, the day i fell pregnant, my daughter came first before anyone else, including my partner. Does not mean i dont love him, just means my daughter came out of me & we have a bond that i do not have with anyone else, including my partner.

Jamie - posted on 05/24/2009

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In my opinion, the day i fell pregnant, my daughter came first before anyone else, including my partner. Does not mean i dont love him, just means my daughter came out of me & we have a bond that i do not have with anyone else, including my partner.

Connie Fay - posted on 05/24/2009

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I know it sounds terrible to think that you may love your husband more than your kids...I too have found that predicument...I do love my husband...and my kids will someday grow and love their husband...or wife...first before kids...I feel if you love your kids more than your husband..there may be a danger that.when they finally leave your home that you may not be able to love your partner again [like you did before] as a relationship has to grow...like before children, with children and after children ....plus I believe that while you and your husbands love is showing while you have your kids at home to see from an early age ...the kids will know how to love their partners.once they find their own partner.
The kids will love you know matter what as long as you spend quality time with them[and show that you love them]....if you give all your time to the children and not to the partner...the kids will notice and may not understand the importance of 'marrage'
Family life will function if the parents are in love and the children will notice that and feel safe. If the children notice a parent is with the children and not seeing the parents as a couple there may be problems later on when the children are teenagers..
So to cut a long story short...there is no danger in loving a partner more than your kids...as the children feel loved knowing they have a strong parent relationship and there is no need for jealousy as the love of 2 parents is healthy as long as the parents ALSO show and love their children as well.

Anita - posted on 05/24/2009

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As far as I'm concerned I love my husband and my child/future children equally

Sarah - posted on 05/24/2009

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that's ok, i should have been more clear that it wasn't just some random comment i'd heard! :)

Erin - posted on 05/24/2009

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Makes no sense to me at all..... I'm trying to approach this concept with an open mind but I've got nothing. To look at your child and think you value ANYONE more than them is unthinkable to me.

Tabitha - posted on 05/24/2009

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I couldn't have my kids without my partner and I love them equally but in different ways. I don't see how anyone could put any life above another.

Sarah - posted on 05/24/2009

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she is an author and went to the UK papers to tell her story so i don't think i'm wrong to use her name! i don't think i judged her either, just said i couldn't get my head round it and what were others opinions on it!

Mel - posted on 05/24/2009

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i think you shoudnt be using her name, i think you need to respect her opinion and stop judging. everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and i can say yes my partner is above my daughter but i couldnt imagine my life without either of them. A christian friend once told me your partner is around before your kids and after your kids move on

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