Paternity Fraud

Kelli - posted on 02/22/2013 ( 10 moms have responded )

8

0

0

I am really interested to know how other mothers feel about this issue. I am married to a paternity fraud victim. In 2006 he had a one time encounter with the child's mother. Six months later she tracked him down through his employer and told him she was pregnant. He signed the paternity affidavit at birth but due to being an over the road truck driver never established a relationship with the child. When the child turned 2 years of age the mother started dropping hints that he was not the father. How convenient when there is a 2 year time limitation on challenging paternity right? Of course he did a home DNA test and was excluded as the father so then he took the child into a lab and had a legal test done and got the same results. However since my husband did not find out he had been lied to in a timely enough manner for California, he still has to pay a ridiculous amount of money on a child that isn't his despite having 3 biological children and a step child to support at home. And now we have discovered this woman's eldest child's alleged father is not the father of that child either. So now this woman collects money from two men that do not father her children. Both of which signed the paternity affidavit after being deceived as to the true parentage of her children. And lastly she has a third child that has no father because honestly she didn't know who it was and so he carries his mothers maiden name. So fellow Mothers out there, I'd really like to know if you think that the state should over turn the law and free the thousands of men that have been duped into fatherhood or if you think that they should continue to have to pay and why?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jodi - posted on 02/22/2013

25,321

36

3815

Actually, your husband, by not doing a DNA test and now rejecting the child, did participate in making the child a victim. I understand he is a victim too, but he is an adult in the equation.

Jodi - posted on 02/22/2013

25,321

36

3815

"Being forced to pay child support after you have discovered the child isn't yours doesn't make a man want to continue a relationship with the child, if anything it does just the opposite."

Actually, I disagree. I have seen cases where a man has genuinely established a relationship with a child and chooses to continue that relationship even when he finds out he is not the biological father. Just remember, it is the child who is the victim here, not your husband and not the woman.

I also know of cases where men take on children they already KNOW are not theirs and the minute the relationship goes sour, maybe when the child is 4 or 5, suddenly choose to ditch that responsibility. Sorry, but you don't get that choice. You acknowledged the child wasn't yours, and still opted in. Too late. If you overturned the law, they are the children who suffer from that.

"In his case this woman never wanted him to have a relationship with the child. He spent thousands of dollars fighting for visitation and was awarded 12% which he was unable to exercise because she made herself unavailable. "

He should have filed a contempt order.

Sorry, but I simply don't agree with you, because overturning the law still creates victims. That isn't fair either. Men need to get the DNA test done before signing for any sort of paternity in cases like this. As the mother of a boy, believe me, my son would never find himself in that situation. If some woman turned up in 6 months and said she was pregnant with his baby, it would be the first thing I'd suggest he do.

Basically, whether the law is there or not, there are still going to be victims. Your husband is an adult, and created his own situation by making some bad choices. The law obviously assumes that the parent develops a relationship with the child (which is fair enough, most would have), and that therefore, they have accepted the child as a person, and the child has probably bonded with that parent. The law shouldn't allow that to be ripped away from the child. It shouldn't allow the mother to be able to suddenly tell a man, who has bonded with a child, that it isn't his child so get lost, I have a new man in my life now. That's not okay either.

Jodi - posted on 02/22/2013

25,321

36

3815

This sort of thing happens ALL the time. Unfortunately, your husband was far too trusting. So, while what this woman is doing is wrong, men need to smarten up. I don't see that the law should be overturned, because there would still be victims - the children who ARE genuinely accepted by a non-biological parent, and then end up rejected once the relationship splits up (and yes, I've seen that happen). Instead, men just need to become wiser and do a DNA test before accepting paternity. It really is that simple.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

10 Comments

View replies by

Dove - posted on 02/22/2013

5,474

0

1331

Jodi is much more eloquent at saying everything I agree with.... He should have gotten a paternity test at the birth. He could have gotten a contempt of court order for her refusing the visitation. Any way you slice it.... this innocent child is the victim. No, he didn't set out to hurt the child, but overturning the law WOULD still hurt the child and many more innocent children like Jodi has stated. BOTH adults in these situations should be adults and then they would create fewer innocent child victims. Unfortunately too many adults don't know how to be adults or don't care enough about their kids to do the right thing.... and there comes in this law to try and help. It's not perfect, but most laws aren't.

I am sorry for what you and your husband are going through, but I hope this law and laws like it are never overturned. We need less child victims.... not more.

Kelli - posted on 02/22/2013

8

0

0

No need to apologize to me I don't expect everyone to be agreeable. I didn't make her child a victim and my husband didn't make this child a victim, her mother has created this unfortunate situation for her daughter and neither myself nor my husband feel responsible for this child's potential emotional problems from being fatherless. We have 4 victims at home and our biological children are our #1 priority.

Kelli - posted on 02/22/2013

8

0

0

In his case this woman never wanted him to have a relationship with the child. He spent thousands of dollars fighting for visitation and was awarded 12% which he was unable to exercise because she made herself unavailable. So when he found out the truth what was the point of airfare & hotel fare and car rentals. I think there is some truth to your comment if we were to assume that the women that create these situations were actually mature women and not children inhabiting women's bodies. I am confident that the law will be reformed and these women will have to take some responsibility and be accountable for the damage they have put upon others and their children.

Kelli - posted on 02/22/2013

8

0

0

Yes he was completely naive. If a woman calls you up six months after the fact supposedly pregnant with your child that should be a big red flag. It's more like "Hey I'm pregnant and don't know who the father is and I think you'd be the best choice because you make more money". I still believe the law should be overturned.. Being forced to pay child support after you have discovered the child isn't yours doesn't make a man want to continue a relationship with the child, if anything it does just the opposite. And realistically that is the mothers fault for making a poor choice to begin with. That is just an excuse the state of California uses to keep extorting money. The bigger picture is that most of these women are on welfare and the state simply doesn't want to foot the bill. It's more so in the best interest of the state of California rather than the child.

Kelli - posted on 02/22/2013

8

0

0

Dove, I completely agree. In fact I believe DNA tests should be mandatory and performed in the hospital at the time of the child's birth. I feel like not only is she extorting money from two different men that have their own biological families to support but she is also denying her child her true identity. This particular woman actual denies the results of the DNA test's to her family. She simply tells people it is fake and that my husband is just a dead beat. I think that's the part that really gets under my skin because my husband is no dead beat. He is the hardest working man I have ever known and provides for his true family. Actually if this child were his he would have no problem doing the same for her. However, he feels like he was targeted because she needed someone to stick it to because she has no money and my husband is quite successful. Thank You for your comment. I am looking forward to receiving more. And in the mean time I will continue to write the Senators and the Governor and urge them to reform this law. What California considers in the best interest of this child is not in the best interest of our 4 other children whose quality of life and futures are affected by this woman's dishonesty.

Dove - posted on 02/22/2013

5,474

0

1331

I think men that have sex with women they aren't in long term committed relationships with should always get a paternity test done right after the birth of the child.

I don't blame your husband for being upset and what this women has done is WRONG, but people not in committed relationships should not be so trusting of their one night stands.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms