People Keep Making Their Comments To Me About Getting My Tubes Tied A My Age......

Jennifer - posted on 12/21/2009

its ur desision no one should make u feel bad about it! im the oppisite end i have five and people keep telling me to stop! its my choice as to wether i have more (for the record i would like another one next year) dont let them make you feel bad.

Crystal - posted on 12/21/2009

Because most people who are determined and do it life changes things happen and they want more kids years later in different circumstances. So it's easier to have waited then done something so drastic. My sister had 3 kids divorced years later remarried but had her tubes tied well new hubby wanted kids so few years later and alot of money had it reversed had two more kids then instead of being tied had it permanently tied irreversable! So ya never know because if a special someone comes along and he wants kids and you love him you may feel bad not being able to give him that special something of his very own. Me divorced was done at 2 kids went to get tied but didn't get in on time and ended up moving before I could get back into the office. Years later met someone else got knocked up so to say best mistake I ever made worked out wonderfully and I was not going to have any more kids I had a boy I had a girl who could ask for anything more not I have another girl and it's perfect and relationship is great talking about another one in the future. Had a friend got tied even younger than you then lazered out after she had her two boys divorced, remarried can't give him kids he wants them and they are perfectly fine and one happy family. Do what you feel is best but any doubt any bit of hesitation and thought you might want to hold off and if you take fertility treatments you have a better chance of not getting pregnant than most right so protect yourself and maybe wait. If not then go get tied... you know what is best for you but also if you had another kid not all pregnancies, deliveries and post depressions and experiances are the same either so it could be worse, same or better! Look at the wide picture and the long run of life then decide either way. Just most tend to wish they hadn't that is why everyone is down about it plus everyone just tends to like babies especially when their not the ones doing the work lol.

Dawn - posted on 12/20/2009

I honestly don't feel like I was given a "mom" nervous system lol ... but I know that about me and can to admit to it. And it's just who I am.... whatever! I love my daughter and would go through hell for her I am just happy and content with her. What's so bad about that?

Betsy - posted on 12/16/2009

It is getting very common for people to now have sterilization reversals then fertility treatments, esp with divorce rates and remarriages, so when people hear about all those a lot, that is probably a factor. You are the only one that can make the decision though and be sure about it. Only other factors to consider would be your husband's feelings, and if not married, being sure that is what you want even if you marry in the future, sure you wouldn't want to have a child in that situation. But if you are 100% sure, that's your call and the only opinion that matters.

The only thing that stuck out for me though was your saying you wanted a bigger family, but had a rough time and aren't as maternal as you thought. I hope you don't feel you aren't maternal because you had a difficult time so questioning your abilities, but you can be very maternal with only one child as well. Just make sure you don't feel that way because you had a tough time in the situation with your first. Whether you want more or are dead set against any more, don't let that experience determine your maternal instincts or success as a mom with 1 or 10.

Jeanne - posted on 12/16/2009

you have a gorgeous daughter, you went through hell to get her, no one can tell you what you should and should not do, particularly if you had post-partum depression as badly as you did. that usually gets worse with each pregnancy. tell those interested people to have their own children. you have yours.

Rebecca - posted on 12/15/2009

I think some women have probably made this decision and then regretted it, or know someone who felt that way, and so they are probably projecting that disappointment onto you. My mom had her tubes tied when she was 24 years old, after having 2 unplanned pregnancies (me and my sister), and she regretted it greatly when she was 34 years old, re-married to my step-dad, and wanting to have another baby. She was unable to pursue fertility treatments mostly for financial reasons, but she also had moral objections to the standard protocols for IVF (she didn't want to end up with a bunch of leftover frozen embryos). Anyway, she never was able to have another baby. She is happy now because she's in the next phase of her life, as a grandmother, and she would have a teenager at home if she'd had a baby, and she believes everything happens for a reason.

I've heard many women, even those who've had big families, say that they pass through seasons of wanting babies, and then not wanting babies, and then back to wanting babies. Such a final decision means that if you pass into a season of wanting babies again, it probably won't be an option. But that still may be the right thing for you, because it sounds like you made a decision with your head, not your heart, and maybe that's best for you.

I won't make that kind of permanent choice unless I have a life-threatening medical reason to not have more kids. My hubby may opt for a vasectomy after we have one more baby (he only wants 2 kids).

Dawn - posted on 12/15/2009

Thank you all for your encouragement! It's awesome to know your not alone (in a good way of course).

I know myself that mentally and emotionaly one child is enough, I like to think that I am smart enough to know that. Kids are great, def a life changing experience. After the cyst I and other medical issues I was facing at the time I felt like it was a now or never for a baby. I do not regret my decision at all. Just wish I would have been more "prepared"....... it is my business and I was not seeking anyone's approval but people always have to say something about something, ya'll def right about that. Thanx for all the support you guys!

Dawn - posted on 12/13/2009

Hey there,

Do what is right for you and don't worry about it! I'm assuming it's family or close friends butting in to give you advice, which is why they know about your tubes being tied.

But truly, none of us really know how we are going to deal with being parents, and if you are most comfortable with stopping with one child, HOORAY for you for KNOWING that! A child is a HUGE decision and is not simply the "next step" after you get married, just like two children are not simply the next step after having one. Our society really pushes having kids (and often more than one). More and more of my friends are choosing to only have one for financial or other personal reasons and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that.

I, personally, thought I was going to stay single when I was younger. I'm very glad that no one close to me expects me to follow the life path that I thought I would follow when I was younger. Now, I'm married with 3 kids and one on the way. I get negative comments about my choice to have so MANY kids. Truly, you can never make everyone happy :).

P.S. The large ovarian cyst thing must come along with the name Dawn b/c I had to have one removed that weighed in at 30 lbs when I was just 20....

Katherine - posted on 12/13/2009

I have one child, I had a daughter the year before that passed away at birth...the next year I almost lost my son, after heart surgery and major time in many dr's offices I decided I didn't want to do it again. I had my tubes tied because it was the right thing for me and no one else. You are the one that has to carry the baby and you and your partner have to provide for it forever so it's ultimitely your choice and no one else's.

Iysha - posted on 12/12/2009

I don't think there's anything wrong with you getting your tubes tied...It isn't a huge deal and it isn't for anyone else to comment on but your's. You are the one who is controling the number of children you are going to have...not them, they don't have a say in it. I got comments because I want 3 in total. I don't think 3 is too many, but apparantly other people in my family don't think I can handle 3 kids or something...



Try not to pay too much attention to their comments...If you wanted a whole lot of kids, they'd still have something to say. Someone always has something to say about something...

Sharon - posted on 12/12/2009

I've been through all this as well just because I know deep down that I cannot handle another child emotionally. So I usually tell them politely that I am content with one child and walk away. I personally don't have the courage to get my tubes tied but I did get an IUD.....one step towards getting my tubes tied.

Mary - posted on 12/12/2009

Are they really putting you down, or just verbalizing concern that you are are making a choice that is very hard to reverse?



I'm not disagreeing with you...for many,many women, one child is more than enough. And, I more than understand that your experience with post-partum depression would leave you terrified to go through that again. I'm only sorry that your beginning moments of motherhood were so difficult. Remember, NONE of it was your fault, and it does not mean that you are a bad person or mother!



I think that the people who feel the need to oppose your decsion probably do not really understand what a difficult time you had, either emotionally or physically. We all know those women for whom pregnancy, childbirth, and the post-partum recovery is as easy and effortless as breathing. Lucky them! Unfortunately, they just cannot comprehend the challenges that many women face,



If you have given this a lot of careful thought, discussed it with both your doctor and partner, than really, that's all that matters. Anyone else's opinion is irrelevant. Only you can truly know what the best course of action is for you, your family and your future. This really is not a choice that you need to justify to anyone outside of them.



I wish you much luck and happiness!

Joan - posted on 12/12/2009

some people just have a need to give their opinion whether it's wanted or not. what's import is how you feel. are you happy? if so that's all that matters.

joan

Helen - posted on 12/12/2009

it's no ones business but yours - don't listen to them