Planning 2nd baby - age difference between siblings

Melissa - posted on 02/16/2009

My sons are 20 months apart.  At first I was scared to death.  Everyone was telling me how hard it was going to be.  Once I brought my youngest home, my oldest was wonderful.  He always wanted to help mommie.  He would get me diapers and wipes, he would bottle feed his little brother but one day he tried to feed him with a spoon.  That never happened again, he pushed the spoon too far into his mouth.  It didn't hurt him but he did gag.

As they got older they were best friends.  If I went to the bank with only one and the teller gave him a sucker, they would ask for a sucker for their brother.  Once they hit 5th - 6th grade they were NOT friends.  They did not want the other to be around when friends were over.  By the time the reached high school they started getting close again.  My boys are now 18 and 20.  They are very close, my youngest is going to be best man in my oldest upcoming wedding.  My oldest is away at college and they call each other often.  When my oldest is home they hand out together, even with my oldest fiance.

My oldest was old enough to hold my hand and walk whenever we went someplace.  I think that would be the biggest problem, carrying 2 children.  God will help you and you will be blessed even more than you already are with the 9 week old.  Good Luck!

Jennie - posted on 02/16/2009

My youngest two are 14 months apart and it's almost like having twins. Almost. They're older now, 4 and 5, so it's getting better. But when I had a toddler and a new born, it was hard. I wish we had waited just a little longer, but it's all good now. You'll make it work no matter what happens.

Rolé - posted on 02/16/2009

My kids are 3 years apart, a girl and a boy. I originally would have liked them to be 2 years apart, but it didn't work out that way for us. I liked that my daughter was a bit older when her brother was born. She could help out, she was able to do a lot of things on her own and she understood me better. And now my son is 18 months and he copies everything she does. They do play together a lot, but they also have their fighting moments. I don't think you can get away from that, no matter what the age difference is. For me personally, I think I would have gone crazy to have kids so close together, but I have friends whose kids are close together and it worked out for them. Good luck!

Ally - posted on 02/16/2009

I only have one child right now but we are planning on waiting at least two years and maybe more before trying for another. I really enjoy the one on one time I get with my daughter and I feel like I would cheat her out of a lot of that time if she was still so little and I had a new baby to care for. my husband and his brother are 15 months apart and they hated it growing up...both always got the same presents for christmas /birthday ect and my husband who is younger was always antagonized by his brother b/c he was jealous of the new baby...so I don't know...i can't even imagine planning another baby with a nine week old...also the aap recommends spacing children at least two years apart

Windsor - posted on 02/16/2009

I got pregnant when my daughter was 13 months old. I think that is perfect age. I would NEVER have a baby that close together! I would like to not pull out all my hair. my cousins kids are 11 months apart and they drove her up the wall!

Sophie - posted on 02/16/2009

Hi!! I have 2 kids!! My son was 15 months when my daughter was born,altho she was not planned I would not have had it any other way!! They are very close,they love each other very much!! Ruby wont go 2 bed unless she has seen Ajay go as well. Ajay doesnt like it when Ruby is not around,so dont know how he will cope in April when he starts pre-school?? Ajay is now 3yrs and Ruby is 20 months and we r now thinking about another!! They do now fight other toys a bit!! If it what u want I say go 4 it!! Good luck!! All the best!!xx

Adrienne - posted on 02/16/2009

My boys are excatly one year apart. Same birthday! Irish twins is what a lot of people call my sons. At first we had a few problems like my oldest didn't want us to share our time with the baby. He would go and hit the baby for no reason or sit on him. It takes time but now they are great together except for a couple of small things. Sharing toys is still a problem. Our youngest likes to climb and pull our oldest hair. They are now soon to be 20 months and soon to be 8 months. They are like best friends now! The begining was rough.

Meg - posted on 02/15/2009

My boys are 18 months apart... there are upsides and downsides to children being so close in age. Alot of people thought my boys were twins and that bugged them sometimes. One thing that can be frustrating for them is the fact that they have a shared pool of friends. Sometimes that is good, sometimes not. It is important to let them develop separate identities and interests as well as different circles of friends if they wish. On the upside, they have always been close, so as they went through different stages in life they were there to support each other. They chose different colleges but they speak or text daily and I  think that helps them deal with adjusting to the college experience, too.

Overall, I am glad they were spaced the way they were. Having two in diapers is a challenge, but it passes so quickly that it's really just a temporary issue. The only thing I struggled with was missing them so intensely when they started school. My daughter is a full 9 and 10 years younger than her brothers and sometimes it seems like she is an only child. 18-24 months is ideal spacing, I think.

Every best wish to you and your family!

Samantha - posted on 02/15/2009

I do not have kids but my younger sister and I are a year and a half apart, and it's great, we are both adults now and we are very close. always were, of course we had our fight, what sisters don't? But it was always having someone into the same toys as me and same age intrests, far enough apart to be a couple grades apart, so that means different friends, now we have many same friends. So yes, I would say that is a great age difference. But my mom said it was hard at times with us so close, I guess I would take my sister out of her crip during nap time because I wanted to play with her.

Jennifer - posted on 02/15/2009

My oldest and second oldest are 1 week from 2 yrs, then the second and third are 16 mnths apart, and the third and the fourth will be 17 mnths apart. I feel as though I am going crazy at times, but I wouldn't have it any other way!

Wendy - posted on 02/15/2009

My son and daughter are 2 1/2 years apart. I thought this to be the perfect age difference, because the oldest is alot more independant and is able to understand a little more about you having to split your time between two kids - not just them.

It also helped that my first was a girl....she was like a little mother when my son was born and was always willing to help (ie. with getting diapers etc...).

Keri - posted on 02/15/2009

My sister and and I are 19 months apart and have always gotten along good.  She now has two kids that are 15 months apart and they get along well most of the time.  I have kids 6 years apart and that is too much time.  They are total opposites and are not close enough to help each other out at school-never in the same school at the same time. 

Shantelle - posted on 02/15/2009

Just wanted to add that any smaller of a gap may have been alittle harder, due to things like the use of the cot. It worked out to be a perfect time to move the 1st to a toddler bed not long before the 2nd baby was born.

Shantelle - posted on 02/15/2009

I have three kids and both age gaps are 1yr 5mths. I wanted them close together and it sounds like you do too. If you want it that way then you're ready to embrace it. It's obviously not for everyone and there are pro's and con's to any age gap. In my personal experience, I can tell you that your household and daily life will be abit more chaotic/hectic than others BUT that, along with any challanging times does not last forever, or even that long really. You will quickly learn how to juggle everything with your routine and how to manage stress well. Any 'juggling' times (like feeding, bathing) don't last long before the younger one can do things together with the older one. My oldest has just turned 3 and the 2nd is almost 2 and I now find it the easiest (and probably sooner except I now have a 5mth old). I love that they will all grow up close in age together. I feel like I'm doing it all at once instead of stretching it out and 'starting over' each time. Good luck! You'll do fine in whatever you choose, so long as you stay positive.

Robin - posted on 02/15/2009

If it is what you want, then you will be happy with your decision.  My daughters are about 11 1/2 months apart and difficult.  So difficult.  Our second daughter was not planned and a huge surprise; I was on the pill.  I was initially happy that my daughters would be born in the same season so all the clothes would be perfect for our new bundle, my maternity clothes would be in season and were still out, and they would get along so well.  They are sweet sisters and I know they will eventually get along better but they do fight a lot.  I feel really bad that my first daughter didn't get enough time to be the baby.  She has a lot of tantrums and hates when #2 gets any attention.  A few weeks ago, my parents took #1 to their house for the weekend and my husband and I had a special weekend with #2.  What a treat!  I had never had the opportunity to have only one baby at 18 months old.  What a fantastic age!  I do not regret for a second that I have both girls but I would not choose to do it this way if given a choice.  I think we would have waited until the first one was at least 2.  My sister and I are 19 months apart and not very close but my husband and his brother are 4 years apart and very close. 

Again, if you want them close do it.  You will not regret your decision because it was your choice.  There are good moments, I promise.

Melissa - posted on 02/15/2009

my daughter was 2 1/2 when my son was born and i still am struggling to figure out why she acts the way she does around him. i thought that with them being that close they would get along and she helps me with him from time to time but then turns around and is mean towards him too. i am 8 years older then my sister and we still argue and fight sometimes and my husband and his sister are 15 years apart and barely know each other. i guess each parent has to decide what they think is best and remember that things will or will not work sometimes. i was lucky that my oldest was out of diapers before my son was born too!! the decision is yours but make sure you are prepared for the jealousy that may happen because it is hard sometimes to deal with it ! good luck~

Tracy - posted on 02/15/2009

I had my children 15 mos apart...not planned but def. blessed!  They do a fair share of fighting now that they are 14 and 15...sorta the terrible teens!!  I also have a five year old!! I very much liked the experience of mothering with a greater span of ages...but the 15 month spread is doable!!  Good Luck to you and your family!! ~Tracy

Jenn - posted on 02/15/2009

I have four kids, Danielle is 20, John is 17, Ben is 3 and Isaac is 2. I think it was better with the three year gap and the 16 month gap. The older one really is a big help altho it may be in small ways, maybe get you a diaper or hold the bottle and help feed. But I also think it is better for the children because the older they are the more they can understand why mommy has to take care of the baby and there is less jealousy.

Shannon - posted on 02/15/2009

My children are 3years apart and it works great. Dominic was a big help with Kendell when she was born. I didn't have to worry to much about jelousy and wanting attention he seemed to understand. I work in a pediatrics office and a lot of the parents who did have kids close together said it was hard in the fact that the first child is still at that stage of being very needy where when they are older they are more dependent. They also would say how tired they are. Than you have some that say it is great because the kids are so close and they grow up together and are closer. I think they are close even when they are 2 or 3 years apart. My kids get along great. Some fighting here and there but your going to get that at any age. I think it is more so what you are going to want. It was nice also to have a few years with the first one before bringing another, there are a lot of thing that I was able to learn and experiance that made it easier when the second one came. Good Luck in what ever you choose.

Jill - posted on 02/15/2009

I only have one child right now and she is almost 6 months old. We would like to have another one hopfully conceived in the next year or so that way they are close in age. My husband grew up with his sister only 14months apart and they loved/hated it! If you asked either of them they wouldn't change it for the world as it made them who they are today. I had two older brothers that were 4 & 8 yrs older than me and it was nice to have the big brother protection but I also missed having someone to play with.

I figure why not have both in diapers and you are tired anyways might as well as get through that stage at the same time!

Good luck with everything! You must be a srtong women to start planning for #2 when your's is 9 wks old! I'm impressed.

Audra - posted on 02/15/2009

Wow....well, if you want them to be close in age, then go for it! Mine are 21 months apart, both boys and it's extremely challanging. I do wish maybe I would have waited longer - but I also work full time so I'm also exhausted from work alone.

The fact that you're already planning it at 9 weeks after giving birth is crazy!! I couldn't even consider it at that time.

Whatever you decide, good luck. It will all work out!

Danica - posted on 02/15/2009

My kids are 3 years apart and the only thing I don't like is that my daughter doesn't nap annymore. When she was a baby and we had a rough night I would just nap with her during the day to catch up on the sleep that I missed. Now, when my son naps I spend 1 on 1 time with my daughter.

Allison - posted on 02/15/2009

You know, there are pros and cons to having them close and waiting, so only you can decide if it'll work for you. In my experience, anyone who's had them close in age love it and anyone who's had them spread out also loves it! There certainly are challenges having 2 really little ones - both wearing diapers, both needing you a lot, the older one can't help out like a child who would be 3 or 4 or whatever. Yet, they will be close, will be able to play with the same things pretty much, etc.

Good luck!

Heather - posted on 02/15/2009

I only have one child right now...but I'm wanting another one.  Mine will be at least 2 years apart in age.  However, my sister and I are only 14 months apart. I think it was both good and bad for us to be that close in age.  It was great in that we each always had someone to play with but not so great in that a lot of people expected us to be just alike and want to do the same things all the time.  My parents didn't have a problem with it because I think we both slept pretty well from the beginning and they were able to get some rest.  Ultimately though it depends on each child and their temperament...if they are both easy, it shouldn't be a big deal but if one or both is difficult, it may mean exhausted parents  I hope this helps!