Please do not judge: I need some help.

Heather - posted on 11/09/2012 ( 278 moms have responded )

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Hi! I am new to here, but I really need some help. I am ashamed that I am even at this point, but I don't know what to do. I am crying as I am writing this, because I never imagined it would ever be like this. My husband and I have a 4 month old little boy. He is always happy and usually a pretty calm minded baby. My husband works full time and currently I stay at home, and I am working on my master's full time. I have never had a temper problem, or been super emotional but lately I find my self losing control a lot. For example, my son is very energetic, and very rarely takes naps. He does sleep through the night 11pm- 5 or 6am) but maybe one nap during the day if I am lucky. Most days I am fine, but then some days like today he doesn't nap and here it is 6:00 p.m. and we have been up since 6:00 am with no nap and I am exhausted! I haven't had a break and I then get overwhelmed because I have assignments due everyday. I then find myself yelling at my baby to just go to sleep and then of course he cries more... so I lay him down and try to walk away for a minute but the crying just makes it worse. So I take a deep breath come back and rock him or try to put him to sleep. He will fall asleep in my arms and as soon as I lay him down, he wakes up! I already have problems with my back as I am 5'1 and my 4 month old weighs 20 lbs. and is 28 inches long (he is breast fed). So the constant up and down kills my back which then makes the situation even worse. I do not want this to continue because my husband and I have worked too hard so far to make our son happy and I don't want to screw it up. I hate the idea of taking anxiety medicine for my nerves, but I am not really sure what to do. On these days I cry just as much as he does, and then I resent myself and feel like the worst mother alive... I mean who yells at a 4 month old! My husband tries to help as much as he can, but he has to work so it is just me. Even he doesn't know how stressed I am, because I am so scared he will judge me or think I am crazy. Hell, I think I am crazy. My son means the world to me, and I want to feel better and have more energy to be the best mom I can for him... I just don't know how. Please do not judge me as this was really hard to begin with. I just really need some help, support, love... something. :(

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Kristy - posted on 11/10/2012

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I know this might be difficult to hear, but you may need to seek some help because you may have some postpardum depression. I was in denial for a long time about this. Of course it is normal when you are sleep-deprived to be irritable, but if you find yourself "losing it" with your son, it may be more than just normal adjustment. I tried so hard to make it through without family support and just kept trying to keep it together after the birth of our daughter, but finally it was too much. I read up on postpardum depression and talked to my doctor. With just a little bit of medication I felt SO MUCH better, and it has made all the difference. I think that it is sometimes hard to admit that we are struggling, but postpardum depression is real and needs real treatment. Finally, do not be too hard on yourself. It is obvious that you love your little one so much. It will get better as he gets older. I just really urge you to think about this and be open to the possibility of talking to your doctor.

Christi - posted on 11/10/2012

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Have you considered baby wearing? I worked full-time and had a very active infant, too. Found that to be a big soother for him, and kept my hands free to do what I needed most of the day. I also have scoliosis, and found that the first 2 days were a big adjustment, but once I found the correct positioning for me it was magic. Hope this helps!

Kim - posted on 11/09/2012

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I think we've all had days like this. Do you have family around that could watch your son for a day to give you a little break? Maybe your husband could take over for the day allowing you time to get out of the house and maybe have girlfriend time or massage. Nothing is wrong with asking for help or asking for a break. It will help your well being which in turn will help your son too. *hugs*

Lacye - posted on 11/09/2012

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Honestly, every woman in the world has felt the same way and if they haven't, they are either lying or they are on some pretty fucking awesome drugs. Trust me. Nobody is going to judge you for feeling this way.



You really do need some alone time. It will do you more good than you would know. It sounds like you have a really supportive husband and that is great.

Kim - posted on 11/11/2012

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I think this is the part about being a parent (esp. stay at home with baby 24/ parent) no one likes to tell you about. Hubby in the evening helping with baby is nice but your brain is still baby centered even though your body isn't. If you have a friend close by that could watch your little one for an hour or two just a few days a week it helps. Also know that your hormones are still a little craizy. The other thing you need is some adult conversation time!! Everyone always says how wonderful it is that they got to stay home and block out the horrible part of being alone, tired, and frustrated.



When you lay your son down and he wakes up it could be because where you are laying him is cold. (someone told me that) I got a heating pad (one that turns off on its own incase you forget to turn it off) lay it where you will lay baby and turn it on. Feed baby etc. pull heating pad out then lay baby in the warm spot! Sleep happens but don't forget to turn off the heating pad once the wonderful still sleeping baby is layed down.

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Shalena - posted on 10/20/2013

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Im not saying you should make a habit out of this but you can give your little man a tiny bit of baby benedryl and he should calm down. My daughter had colic and I used to give her just a tiny bit of baby benendryl and she would feel better. I have been caring for babies for 23 years and I also am getting my degree in forensic psych so I know that school is insanely hard even without all that to contend with. You are awesome! write that on a piece of paper and tape it to your mirror YOU ARE AWSOME!

Rebecca - posted on 12/13/2012

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I understand how you feel. I am in the same situation, except there is no one by my side. Baby daddy doesn't live with use and only sees baby once a week. I go to school online full-time, and my baby is also 4 months old and sleeps a lot less through the day and for shorter amounts of time. I did find that it helps the baby to sleep if you go for a walk. It also makes me feel better to get outside and not be cooped up all day. I feel that that alone made a big difference in my emotions and in my babies sleeping habits. When you get frustrated, take a really, really deep breath. And if you put baby down to sleep and starts crying, make weird noises or put you face on his and go 'shhhh'. I do a lot of weird noises, but hey, it helps. Just relax and don't forget to breathe. :)

Lungile - posted on 12/13/2012

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So sorry you feel like this. Would you not be able to perhaps send the baby to mom or mom in law or otherwise a sitter for at least 2 days a weeks especially since you are still studying? I know its so hard with a small baby but you also need your sanity. Is it possible to cut back on the workload you have for school and do part time instead of full time aswell? I really thing a bit of extra help will solve your problem as all mothers need some kind of a break as we are human aswell.

Krysta - posted on 12/12/2012

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Aww. Girl, you are taking care of a tiny baby, and going back to school. This seems normal to me. But also (not trying to judge you, because I have a lot of issues myself) you may be experiencing post partum depression. You could try talking to doctor about it (don't be ashamed, because its VERY common), and maybe even get some extra help while you do your school work. There is nothing wrong for asking for help. I myself have depression ,and am a single mom who works and is going back to school. I feel on edge a lot, and I hate asking for help. But really its important to ask for help. Not every mom with a little baby could go back to school. So be proud of yourself, but also do whats best for you. You can always wait til he is older if its too much, or get some help watching him while you do your work. Hang in there, and don't forget to reach out. To a therapist, doctor (your obgyn could probably help lead you in the right direction), other moms, ect. You are not alone. Its hard being a parent, plus schooling, plus feeling emotional. You will make it through =)

Samantha - posted on 12/12/2012

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Yes I have been in your shoes a time or two. I also breastfeed and take online college courses. I waited to start my courses until he was a bit older. He is 10 months old now. But none the less it was still difficult taking care of baby, a toddler, and maintaining a household. To be honest how I coped on days like you listed above is by trying to remember that these days will not last! You only have them this small once and these issues are temporary. Take it one day at a time, It try and find some you time, even if it is at the end of the day. to be honest it also helped me to take a trip to the store or just sit and look at the lake for a half hour. Sounds bland but it was quiet, and I could hear my own thoughts for once! lol. Do not feel ashamed about your actions, learn from them and move on! You cannot dwell on them because it will make you even more depressed. Baby needs you to be healthy and for you to take care of yourself, because if you dont abviously baby isn't very happy either.

Rusthum - posted on 12/12/2012

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there is nothing more important than caring a child, they are the gifts of nature! the more we deny them the more trouble we are gonna have!

patience is the best way, and love for a child should be unconditional, it has no excuses!

Tonja - posted on 12/06/2012

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Sounds like you could use some help or maybe just a break from the baby. I am a mother of 4 boys and currently pregnant with a girl. With all of my children, I had to learn to feed, diaper, and soothe the baby then lay him down and walk away. They are going to cry but as long as they are taken care of and aren't sick they will be okay for 10 to 15 min....

Natalie - posted on 12/03/2012

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It must be a braden thing, my son is also 4 months old and the same name. However when mine is not sleeping he just constantly crying, be glad that your baby is happy and quiet most of the time. I would maybe try him with a formula bottle at night time just before bed to help him sleep for longer, and try and go to bed yourself a little bit earlier each night. Is it possible to put a hold on your study for a few months and return to later? You might be in a better head space by then and your wee one might have gotten into more if a sleep habit also. Some time out from the study will do you and your little one the world of good. Good luck with everything, it will get better soon.

Marie - posted on 12/03/2012

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Heather,

It sounds like you need to make an appt with your family doctor right and tell him/her what is happening with you. You might need an anti-depressant. They can give you a very mild one that 'takes the edge off'. I was super stressed out when mine were infants, as well. They put me on the anti-depressant because they said I had post-pardon depression. I didn't know it. It helped 100%. I was a lot more relaxed and happy and didn't freak out over baby crying, etc...THAT being said, you HAVE to find someone who is willing to help out a little, to give you that break you need. Trade with someone. I do that. I will watch someone's kid, with mine and when I need a break she takes mine. It works out well. Go somewhere where you will meet other moms, so that you can find someone willing to do that. If you lived in Centennial CO I would be happy to help you!! Marie

Gina - posted on 11/29/2012

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A lot of women go through this after having a baby. There are a lot of women who try and handle it on there own, but it is always easier to talk to other women who have gone through the things your going through. I cried so much after my Daughter was born! By the time she was 1-2 yrs old i would have to give myself time outs in the bathroom. I would put her in her crib, or in a baby safe room and just cry for 5 minutes. It helped me get through the frustration. I knew it wasn't her fault, but i couldn't handle the crying either! I was a single mom at the time so i had nobody to take over when i needed a break. I survived and you will too, i promise! Sometimes if you can try and remember that these days will be gone in a blink of an eye it's easier to deal with. Oddly enough i actually miss those baby days! I never thought i would, but once there gone they don't come back. They really are the most special times you'll have with your child. I couldn't wait for my daughter to just be able to speak to me, tell me what was wrong so i could fix it. And once she started talking, she never stopped!! I love her to death and i can tell that you feel the same way about your son. Things will get easier, and before you know it you'll have baby fever again, and you'll have forgotten how hard these days were.

Renae - posted on 11/28/2012

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Regardless of your husbands hours that he works,you need a mommy time at least twice a week to yourself.Time to be away from your baby and by yourself to just relax.Seriously talk openly with your husband.He will not judge you.I believe he will understand more than you think he will.Without a support system your husband can provide,things will remain unchanged or possibly worse.In the mean time,remember that you are not alone,there are plenty of moms out there who relate to this. Feeling for you,Mother of 7,Renee

Linda - posted on 11/27/2012

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If I were you id put him down let him cry himself to sleep at 4 months he's not crawling yet so crying is his only way to tire himself and his only exercise. And cuddling him to sleep will give him bad habits for the rest of his life. Get one of those hanging bouncers that he can jump in Fisher price have a thing called jumparoo that's brilliant for wearing babies out and he will love it I had one for my son it was excellent he'd be so wrecked he'd fall asleep in it !

Helen - posted on 11/27/2012

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Thanks, Ashley! This was a very helpful post. I think I will go have my thyroid checked too.

Ashley - posted on 11/27/2012

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I haven't read the comments, so I don't know if anyone has suggested this, but you should consider having your thyroid checked. I had the same problem after my daughter was born; short temper and crying all the time. I had been mildly depressed for most of my adult life before my pregnancy, but it was mostly manageable. After my baby was born, I couldn't cope anymore. When I went to the doctor, I asked if this could be some kind of postpartum depression. She did agree to look into the possibility, but before that, she sent me for blood work to get my thyroid checked. It is very common for pregnancy to knock your thyroid out of whack, which can cause depression and fatigue, etc. etc. It can also help if you've had trouble losing baby weight. I don't know exactly how it works, but your thyroid regulates some of your hormones (your doctor can probably give you a more thorough explanation) and if the hormones levels are off, it can cause you to gain, hold or even lose weight. It worked wonders for me. I still feel tired, but that kind of comes with the territory! I no longer feel exhausted though, at least, most of the time. And my moods and temper have evened out a lot. It's also perfectly safe for your baby. I'm pregnant now with my second, and I was unsure if I should continue to take the thyroid medication during my pregnancy, but my doctor encouraged me to do so, and said it would be good for the baby.

Marci - posted on 11/25/2012

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Having had a baby and done a Master's, I know you are in a tough situation. I didn't do both at the same time! Can you put the degree on hold until your baby is a little older? Or, can you get a babysitter a few days a week, so you can get some work done? Finally, I felt so overwhelmed as a new mom, that it occurred to me years later that maybe I had some very mild ppd at that time. If it is so out of character for you, you should ask for help. There is no shame in that at all.

Helen - posted on 11/25/2012

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My dear it sounds like you are suffering from post-partum depression. I had that and it is not nice at all!!! Please, go see a specialist doctor/psychologist for that. Do not condemn yourself. It only adds to the pain. Jesus love you! There is no way you could have known this would happen. It happens to the best of us. It is also good opportunity to examine your relationhip with your own mother/father/caregiver and even God. We sometimes hold all sorts of resentments agains them and ourselves. Jesus loves you! Go get help pls. ANd pls, don't beat yourself up.

Shalomith - posted on 11/24/2012

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Hi heather, its ok to feel the way that but now its the time to do things a little a different. I have Two kids and another on the way so im always overwhelmed and yelling at my children and i do feel bad, so here is some things i would do to keep my house hold calm: when my 3 year was a baby play music for him when i had to do house work so he didn't feel alone, i also gave him peppermint tea a nights and a warm bath so he could sleep through whole night. I also would hold him in my arms and talk to him and assuring him that Mommie loves him and will always be there for him. and im not saying you don't love your son but sometimes babies need to feel that love from their parents in different ways. And i think it is great that moms are giving you all these suggestions I pray that some of the advice will help your family and don't doubt yourself as a parent because you are great and we all been their, I have and i still get overwhelmed. Take Care, and you should also drink some peppermint mint tea its wonderfull for nerves. for the baby. you can dilute it for him with water and 100% Maple Syrup, If you are into teas.

Deanna - posted on 11/23/2012

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First, I am sending all my hugs!!!!

Second. tell your husband!! He is your greatest resource!!!! If he judges then take a deep breath and tell him how you feel calmly. It is the hardest thing you can do. I know. With my eldest, she was 9 months old when I finally got the help I needed. And that was after I almost jumped off our balcony with her in my arms. I told her Dad and he took me to my doctor the next day. I was on Cipralex for just over 2 years. It did help.

This may sound hard, but you may have to give up on your masters for now. Take a break for a couple months to get into a rhythm with baby boy. At 4 months, he is not yet in a rhythm and so you both need to find it before you over-extend yourself.

If you can not do that, do you friends or family near you? Maybe one of them could just take him for a couple hours a day so you could get assignments done? It would also give you the one thing every mother needs, time to herself to do what she needs to reset herself.

The hardest thing to do is let him cry. I know, it was my problem with my daughter. What I had to learn was to put her in her crib and walk away for 10 min. She would stop crying and I just went to the bathroom to take a few deep breaths and reset. When I came back, if she was still crying, I could handle it. It was one of the hardest lessons I ever learned. But one of them that helped save my sanity.

Many women judge meds because they think they are unnatural and won't help. My thing is, if they help, you are not going on them for yourself, but for your child. To give that child a fighting chance in life. The 2 most important things I can tell you is, tell your husband how bad it is and that he can help by taking you to the doctor to get the help you need.

I hope you at least do those 2 things. A good doctor will suggest therapy first before they offer any meds (thankfully mine did, I was just too far gone for that and asked for something). And remember, no matter what he says, it is your decision in the end. If he pushes meds, tell him what you want. And stick to it. You may change your mind later, but this is what is best for you, not his pocket.

I hope I helped relieve some of the pressure.

Good luck!!

Lisa - posted on 11/22/2012

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I know how you feel honey and have had plenty of days like these when my girls were 1 yr and 2 yrs old, i felt exactly as you have described. You have nothing at all to be ashamed of, and the fact you are asking for some advice is the first step forward. I remember days when i was afraid i would loose control and cry. Once somebody turns up e.g your husband, a friends, relative, you feel like you can breath again and you feel like there is no need to say anything as you are feeling better and stupid for feeling that way in the first place.....at least i did, and some days still do and they are now 2 yrs and 3yrs. One thing that may help though with the napping side of it, get into a night-time routine for your baby, tea/dinner, play time, bath and snuggles/story before bed, it's never to early to start a routine, i did from the beginning and got them to bed by 8pm, that way, you may get better naps in during the day. Don't feel like giving up after a day or two, it all takes time, but you will get there sweetheart that's for sure. Also as for your laptop side of it, you could always try a dongle for the internet while your out!? just an idea :) xxx

Heidi - posted on 11/20/2012

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I know you've gotten tons of advise but you need to understand that you are not alone in this. All mothers have been there. Sometimes you just need to walk away and breath and return to the situation when you're calmed down. Make sure the baby is safe and isn't going to fall off the bed or whatever and just go outside where you can't hear him and just breath. Even if it's just for 5 minutes. Have you talked to your doc about possibly having post-partem depression? I had it with my 2nd son and it is no joke. It sucks bad. I was able to beat it on my own but some people need some other help. Try introducing some cereal to your little dude, sounds like he's a big guy. Maybe he's just not getting satisfied when he eats. During the day give him something to occupy himself with. A jumpy or a bouncy seat worked for my kids to keep them occupied. I know every kid is different, but if it's this bad for you definitely try as many things as you possibly can think of. Vacuum around him when he's hanging out. The sound soothes babies. Best of luck!!! Don't feel like you are alone. You're a great mom just for asking for help!

Ayesha - posted on 11/19/2012

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also u can try white noise for babies... it helped my daughter sleep throughout the night together with a warm bath and body rub with baby oil. (all this happens in the evening...

Nadine - posted on 11/18/2012

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Dont worry about it you're doing a great job all by yourself!

I suggest you start giving him some cereals with his milk, during the day and at night before he goes to bed, that will fill his tummy more and he will feel like napping and stretch his sleep during the night..my baby boy had the same problem until many people advised me to do so, then it worked!!! when they don't get enough sleep most of the times it means they're hungry!

so have a little bit more patience and put some classical music at home you will both enjoy it!

hope this helps and wish you all the best! :)

Stephania Van - posted on 11/17/2012

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gotta agree... post partum depress (ppd) is nothing to be ashamed of, and nothing to fear.

talk to your doctor..

some times a lil goes a long ways.

have him test you for all your vitimans, and for defeciancys

i didnt know it but i was Severaly defeciant in vit D... i did a 8 week course of 50,000 mg dose once a week that was prescrined for 8 wks.

you wouldnt belive the diferance.

dont know that that much would be safe for baby if you was defeciant, but dr would..

and as some one said, let a few things go...

do you really need to dust daily.. or even weekly...

prob once a month (i do every 3-6 months) would do.

try to cook dobble.

making lasagna... make two.

takes just about as much time, and on really bad days, there is no cooking

also meditation helps.



have you tried bundling baby...

often babys that wake the moment you lay em down, when bundled, then as you lay em down, bend down with them and stay there till they fall back in to deep sleep.

keep patting till they are out and you have gotten less and less patting going. try covering his fact to your sholder with light reciving blanket.lay him down with it, and be right there, a few mn after he is layed down and totaly asleep, gently remove blanket.. but keep room dark...

most important, set a scedual, and keep it.

if you read to him, then do, if you bathe him, do it every time... what ever you do before sleepy time, make sure you do it every time. that is telling him to tell his brain ok now we are getting readdy to goto sleep... so start shutting it down.

it takes about three weeks to make a habbit and 6-12 to set it... but you will both be all the happier for it.

what ever you do, do something for you... if you are stressed baby knows, and you know... and it sets ups a cycle.

have you tried picking him up, soothing till he quites at bed time, and then laying back down... might take several times, but he will get it.

you are doing a wonderful job just by reconizing you need help wiht this, and not trying to be supper mom.. hope it helps and hope all gets better for ya... gl and feel free to hollar any time yoju need it



by doing this i have put

Kristin - posted on 11/17/2012

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I'm with Meghan RM. I have three boys of my own and am a stay at home mommy too. My husband is in the military and we never know what his schedule will be like from day to day, as well as not having family close by. It gets easier as they get older though. I have done Meghan’s suggestions 1,2,3, 6, and 7.

Instead of a babysitter I found friends/mommy groups that have kids around my kids ages. Also talked with my hubby about us together doing the house work and cooking together. Take one of his day’s off and cook and freeze the meals so it’s easier through out the week. We also had a 'kangaroo pouch' that we would take turns wearing with the baby in it so we could get stuff done and they could feel comfy and close.

Rhonda - posted on 11/17/2012

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I totally agree with Meghan RM. Everything she said in her post would be worth trying. Especially the me time. I might even try the house cleaner. That would be extremely helpful to me.

Meghan - posted on 11/17/2012

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You are not a terrible mother! A terrible mother wouldn't take the time to question her actions or ask for help! Please believe me when I say we have all felt this way!

I understand your position. My husband works full time and my daughter and I are often home alone a lot. I don't drive so we are housebound unless it is his day off. She was a terrible napper in the beginning and only recently has she gotten to a point where she can entertain herself for a bit so I can get some other things done. I will offer what worked for me, it may or may not help you. It's hard to say as every baby is different.



1- try playing with his bedtime. my daughter used to go to bed around 11pm at night too and over the course of a week or 2 I got her down to 8:30-9pm. I just started putting her down a little bit earlier each night. This gave me not only more time at night to get some things done but more time to spend relaxing with my husband at the end of the day as well. I know the worry will be that she will wake up earlier but you may be surprised. It took some time but now She goes to bed by 9pm at the absolute latest (sometimes as early as 8) and sleeps until 7am (with one wake up in the night).



2-invest, if you havent already, in a bouncy chair, swing or exerciser. if he likes it, it will free you up for a bit to relax or get some things done. if you worry that it's too expensive, try asking friends who have older kids if they have some lying around in their basement or look online for used ones. I saved a lot of money that way!



3- even if he wont nap, try putting him in his crib and play some soft lullabies from a cd or a mobile. Even if he doesn't fall asleep he might just lay quietly for a bit. You can even try this at bedtime or in the morning if he wakes up too early for your liking.



4- maybe look for a babysitter, even if you are going to be home while they are there. they might be able to entertain your baby while you do something else for a couple of hours.



5-any chance you can afford a cleaning service to visit once a week or every other week? I haven't tried this but I can't deny it is certainly appealing :)



6-after your baby is in bed, or after your hubby comes home from work, enjoy a nice long bath :) maybe not realistic to have one everyday but aim for at least once a week. Don't worry about housework or anything else. You deserve to have some you-time!



7-please talk to your husband. you are not a bad mother for needing help. everyone needs help! Sometimes just talking about it can help :)

Desiree - posted on 11/16/2012

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I am sure every mom has gone through this at one point or another.. I know its hard but try really hard to remind yourself that you are a great mom and you are try and learning. No child comes with a manual so you have to figure your baby out..Have you tried a warm bath for either him you or both of you? When my first son was born he cried and then I cried same as you..A nice warm bath and some calming music a warm cup of tea for you or coffee whatever you drink and some food for him and you'll both settle!!! Just remember to breath..and if need be call a friend or family member just to talk..

Richard - posted on 11/16/2012

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ive fathered five children through the years an myself an my wife have helped many young parents you should try goats milk warmed with just a touch of honey to sweeten it not too much if your child will accept this it will make him heavy an really helps to put them to sleep they will sleep unrestless an its good for nutrition try it we found it at krogers most larger grocery stores have it good luck

Larissa - posted on 11/16/2012

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Post parting depression isn't just sadness. It can be anger or frustration as well. Talk to your local health nurse. Remember we have all been there. Maybe putting off your school to focus on your self and ur baby is a good idea

Ruth - posted on 11/16/2012

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HI - I'm a gramma now. Raised 4 kids and have 2 grandchildren. I was a stay at home mom. One child or 4 it is so exhausting and yes...you are feeling normal. The problem is, without being in your shoes, it's hard to be sure what to tell you. The advice you have been given is great but may not really meet your needs. How often do you feel this bad...is it getting worse since you had him or are you slowly starting to improve. Your stress level is enormous considering your doing your masters full time. My neice is in a similar situation. First - if it is getting worse take action to find a way to get rest. Your husband can't help if he's working and it is all day that the baby doesn't give you a break and you may not have family and friends to help...I didn't. I would suggest that if you can find a way to afford it hire a babysitter to come in for a few hours after school. If they come to your home and you force yourself to either do your homework or try to sleep you are avail. if needed so not worrying about risking your son to any danger or maybe you just need to take a "flop in front of the tv with a cup of tea" and veg. out to renew your energy. If money is tight take another look at the budget. Your mental/physical health and your babies well being is more important that that better cut of roast beef....eat hamburg....that idea. If you can find a way to try this and you are still finding yourself slipping with respect to "loosing it" consider doing yur masters part time for one year and if this is not an option speak to your doctor honestly. Most women get over the post-partum blues within several weeks but in your case it might be exhaustion and stress or it could be a really bad case of the blues....if it is the latter then your doctor can absolutely help you through it. Speak up - the worst things we mothers tend to do is hide our "deep down feelings" from the world because we are ashamed of how we are acting and feel we are the only ones. You are not alone. Keep talking in this forum and let us know how you go. You will only get encouragement here (as far as I've seen) and that alone should bring you a small measure of comfort. I'll pray for you.

Robin - posted on 11/16/2012

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I know you really want to breast feed, but I can imagine that if taking that piece out and reducing the stress would be more valuable to your baby than breast feeding. Believe me, I know it is important. I understand. But, I wonder if it is a switch you are willing to make to put less stress in his and your life. Formula these days are much more complete than ever and babies tend to be just as healthy as breast fed. Of course you may go through a couple of brands before finding the right one for you.



Also, do you have the meas to afford a baby sitter even for a couple of hours a day or a couple of hours a couple of days a week? You don't need to go anywhere while they are there (especially if you are uncomfortable with that). But, you could focus on yourself for a few hours while someone else tends to your precious boys needs. If not, maybe someone from church that might like to help out once in a while.



Definitely reach out for help. People will respect you, not judge you. For the one's that do judge you, they aren't helpful to have in your life anyway. So, great source of information to cut people out of your world. I wish you luck and hope to hear how this progresses for you.

Marissa - posted on 11/16/2012

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I went through the same thing with my first one. It got to the poitn (when she was about 4 months old) that i couldnt cope anymore. i never slept and i felt like i was losing my mind. I called the pediatricians office freaking out. she didnt want to eat or sleep or play she didnt need to b changed she didnt want to be held. she just cried sometimes regardless of anything i tried. My pediatrician put it very simply. she said.. let her cry. They can safely cry for up to 2 hours. if they have been fed and changed and are in a safe place like their crib etc. they can cry. sometimes they just need to cry. I protested, but she REALLLY cries, like choking on her tears screaming turning red crying! to which she said... basically what it comes down to is your kid is working you. They want to see how long and how hard they have to cry to get your attention... and so began self soothing. I have now done it with all 3 of my children and its the best thing you could ever do for your sanity as a parent. you let them cry. fed, chaged, mayb even some tylenol of theyre teething... but once theyre clean and fed and in their crib you kiss them and walk away. and yes THEY CRY..... ALOT. The first few days she cried for about an hour ech time both for naps and for bedtime. after a couple days it was down to about 30-40 mins. by the end of a week she would only cry for 10-15 mins. by the end of 2 weeks she didnt cry anymore. Even if she didnt fall asleep right away shed just lay in the crib and babble to herself until she fell asleep. Since then she has always slept through the night, unlike many other parents i watch struggling with their little ones at bedtime she never fights bedtime or cries about it or naptime... she is now 4. i also have a daughter who is turning 2 next month and did the same with her and my son now 9 months.... he was actually the easiest of the 3 with the self soothing. and yes it sucks to listen to your kids cry, but realistically. would you rather let them stick it out for a couple days or weeks and learn that its ok and that they are capable of being by themselves, or would you rather be the one dealing with screaming and whining for every nap, for every bedtime for the next 4 years? ive watched other mothers sit there pleading with their toddlers to go to bed, reading stories, singing, rubbing their feet, etc etc only to finally give up and they end up screaming for an hour anyway. One day at a time. but if you want to regain your peace of mind self soothing is the best option ive found and it teaches your kids indipendance from an early age. Also, make sure ur husband follows the routine too otherwise it will take longer. Dont stress too much. this part of parenthood and if you take the steps to deal with it this will all be a memory before you know it. good luck! oh and before you let yourself fall down the hill of doubting yourself as a parent remember this... a crazy person never wonders if they are crazy... the believe they are perfectly sane. So... If you are questioning yourself as a parent, you ar doing fine. If you never questioned your parenting thats when you should be concerned. We all make mistakes, we all lose our temper sometimes, we all lose or sanity sometimes. Just remember to breathe and take things one day at a time. ur doing great!

Mercedes - posted on 11/16/2012

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I completely understand. I'm a single mother and I myself felt as if I were going crazy. Do you maybe have a swing so he can be distracted. I've learned purchasing toys and items to keep him distracted help me and my son when it comes to his deveopment skills. I've also had to pay for a sitter (Yes while I'm at home) to get my school work done. Go on sittercity.com or care.com. There are plenty of people that work with you on your price. I am a new miter like you. My son is breastfed and it is a job to pump milk for when I'm at work. I make all his food and when I tell you I don't even know how I'm still producing milk without sleep I mean it. It's so exhausting. If you need to walk out of the room let your son cry to give yourself a breather. But back to swing, the past week my son has been a handful and not wanting to sleep so I put him in the swing and he knocked out for 3-4 hrs. The best nap I've ever taken. The first night he might if fussed a little bit but he knocked out. Hope I helped you.

Adena - posted on 11/16/2012

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Okay, here goes. I would definitely tell the husband. You guys are married, so there should be trust and communication there. For the back trouble, you may want to take a look at your bra(s). Have you been professionally fitted or have you ever used and online calculator? Boosaurus gives a summary of how it's done, and Butterfly Collection and A Sophisticated Pair have great calculators available. Sorry, this will involve a lot of Google-ing on your part. Once you know what size you are, check out HotMilk, Cake, Panache, and Freya, they're lingerie brands and the first two are aimed at breastfeeding mothers exclusively, while the second two just happen to have some nursing bras. BareNecessities is a popular favourite for online shopping. Make sure you have three bras (or more if you can afford it) and cycle through them to make sure they have a chance to rest for maximum support! Also, I believe there are wearable heatpads and back support bands on the market. Maybe with a better back it would be possible to hold him with one arm and do everything else with your other arm? Also, have you considered buying one of those "baby bouncers" or something else quite small and portable for placing beside you on your table/desk? Sorry, I'm almost done, promise! As for the stress, chocolate is great for helping that. My sister-in-law always had some on hand when she was breastfeeding so as not to put funny drugs in her breastmilk. Last but not least, see if you can lighten your academic load some, or see if your husband can get some time off work to help out for a while. DO you have any close friends or family in the area? They could be helpful too. Sorry for the giant rambling reply!

Maryann Barefoot - posted on 11/16/2012

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Your a new mommy and things are NEW. There is a lot of adjusting to mom hood:) There also maybe a chance you could be suffering from baby blues ( a form of depression very common in new moms :) If your mood doesnt improve talk to your doctor:) your in my thoughts and hang in there:)

Hoilldayblessing - posted on 11/15/2012

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ask for your sister in law or mom n law or your family for help maybe a swing would help or a binky and he may have that calick

Catherine - posted on 11/15/2012

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Hi

I read your post and felt so sorry for you. You are being very hard on yourself. It is very difficult for women to study for a masters and mind a new born baby. They are two serious demands on the brain and your body is still recovering too. Is there any way you could get to talk to your doctor about how you are feeling. And you are not alone and shouldn't feel ashamed. Even if you can find a meditation tape that helps you relax when you can't cope. Most parents feel overwhelmed as having a baby puts huge demands on you emotionally. Then you have the pressure of doing those assignments. Is there a mother-toddler group in your area or any other mums nearby that would help out. Have you any friends that you can pick up the phone to when the baby won't settle. I just finished a masters but it was with a teenager here!!! and i ended up shouting at him when I was stressed. Not a good idea and not something I am proud of. it wasn't his fault I was stressed. I finished it and passed which was "good enough" Nobody can be perfect all of the time. Try to rest and be kind and gentle to yourself. Some classical music, a nice bath, brisk walk and make sure you have some friend who will listen and not judge. This too will pass and don't be afraid to talk to your husband and your doctor. I am sure there isn't a mother in the world that hasn't felt this way at times. Editing this to say don't be afraid to talk to your husband and doctor. How you feel could be hormonal too and nothing to be ashamed of. Keep the faith and talk to someone.

Deanna - posted on 11/15/2012

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Maybe he is still hungry.. my daughter is 4 months and only breast fed as well. I started giving her rice cereal at breakfast lunch and dinner time as well as breast feeding and she sleeps 9 hours most nights.

Gaetanne - posted on 11/15/2012

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Your baby may not be getting enough to eat. You may need to supplement his intake, possibly with some formula. I might add that stress in the breastfeeding mother may cause some milk defficiency. Try to relax whenever possible and take some time out for yourself, and rest and sleep whenever possible. Life will get better........

[deleted account]

i know exactly how you feel. i dont speak to my family so i have no support as far as that goes. as far as friends we moved and i pretty much cut everyone off. honestly with the people i knew it was a smart idea. my husband works and i too stay at home with my seven month old son. i was also having horrible back pain and my son always wants to be held. i have also suffered with adhd since i was a child but took no meds. i finally went to the doc this past monday told her what was going on and she gave me 800 mg ibuprofen and concerta 27mg er. i always hated the thought of taking meds too but let me tell you it has made a 100% difference. if i were you id make an appt with my pcp and let them know exactly whats going on. now it doesnt hurt nearly as bad to hold my son who is also 20 lbs. and the concerta really helps me stay on top of him, he just learned to crawl and is all over the place.....

ps: just learned how to say "ma ma" yesterday and he cant quit!!!!!

Erin - posted on 11/15/2012

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I understand. How u feel. I got two children my last one is a daughter she only sleep half hour in day time. And would only sleep if I hold her. I to have yelled at my kids when I am stressed .i have.some suggestions. Maybe ring a friend when u feel really overwhelmed

And her to watch baby well u r doing ur assignments and braking to feed baby

. Or if u can't do that get one of those carrier in. Front this will keep him calm. Or put him in pram and rock him.

U also need someone u can talk to

Allow urself time during the week to go for a walk with baby. Or join other mother support group. U need this to help destressed u. I hop these suggestions. Will help.

Rakkel - posted on 11/15/2012

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hi dear, why dont you get somebody to come help you out for a while. My son had the same routine between 4 and 8 months. I had a lady who use to helps us and we managed.

Rachel - posted on 11/14/2012

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Sounds like you have post pardum(sp.) depression. I had it and it sounds a lot like what I had. Definitely talk to your doctor about it. It's nothing to be ashamed about. Just be extremely honest with your doctor & husband. Point blank with no sugar coating it. It's better to get help than think you can handle it on your own and do something out of exhaustion and frustration that you would regret.

Lashonda - posted on 11/14/2012

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Heather, I have to reiterate - formula is not the answer, unless you want it to be. Expressed milk in a bottle is far better than a man-made substance. The reason babies MIGHT sleep longer is because their little bodies aren't made to metabolize formula, so it takes longer. If I had it to do over with my first child, I would not have listened to people pushing formula on me. I wanted to put it out there, because of some responses I saw. You will not be a bad mom for giving your baby nothing but the healthiest stuff in the planet! I was shocked to read that and I hope more moms get educated on this matter. If you choose to give your child formula, just read up on it, first.



There are some really great tips, though! I'm keeping some for myself!

Jennifer - posted on 11/14/2012

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First off, I need to tell you you are not the only person to feel this way post-partum. You have a lot on your plate, and are understandably stressed. I went through a very similar experience after my first son (I have 4 children now), and did not know enough to reach out to anyone until he was a year. By that point, I had slipped into such a deep depression that my marriage was affected. I was stressed out and irritable ALL the time. The slightest things got on my nerves. I finally told my PCP about these things, and I was diagnosed with post-partum depression. I was started on an SSRI called Celexa. Since that time, I have been so much more able to cope with the stressors of balancing work, family, school, and life in general. If you feel that days like this outnumber days where you feel joy and excitement over being a mother, that is a strong indicator you have PPD. Do NOT be ashamed. There is nothing you can do to control this. It is hormonal. I weaned completely off my meds when my twins turned 2 and was doing great, until I found out I was pregnant again. Around 12 weeks, I felt the anxiety coming back, and my coping skills were just not there. I resumed the celexa and now have my 4th baby (a girl) who is 5 months old. I will begin to wean the meds when she turns 1, at the advice of my OB.



What you are feeling is human, and the best thing you could have done is reach out for advice. I hope you get some resolution....Good luck.

Ariel - posted on 11/14/2012

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It's more then normal to feel this way. I'm a stay at home mom as well my son is 3 1/2 and my daughter is 3 months old. Let me tell you there has been times where I walk out of the room and scream lol. I know the feeling of being over whelmed and that's not a great feeling at all. My fiancé works full time. But when he is home boy does he take over with our daughter and my son. It's great to have support and help. Maybe put your bundle of joy in the stroller and go for a walk or maybe to the park. Anything just to get out of the house. I think that being in the house all day can drive a person crazy. I hope all gets a bit easier as the days go by. Hugs to you and your baby:)

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