Please do not judge: I need some help.

Heather - posted on 11/09/2012 ( 278 moms have responded )

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Hi! I am new to here, but I really need some help. I am ashamed that I am even at this point, but I don't know what to do. I am crying as I am writing this, because I never imagined it would ever be like this. My husband and I have a 4 month old little boy. He is always happy and usually a pretty calm minded baby. My husband works full time and currently I stay at home, and I am working on my master's full time. I have never had a temper problem, or been super emotional but lately I find my self losing control a lot. For example, my son is very energetic, and very rarely takes naps. He does sleep through the night 11pm- 5 or 6am) but maybe one nap during the day if I am lucky. Most days I am fine, but then some days like today he doesn't nap and here it is 6:00 p.m. and we have been up since 6:00 am with no nap and I am exhausted! I haven't had a break and I then get overwhelmed because I have assignments due everyday. I then find myself yelling at my baby to just go to sleep and then of course he cries more... so I lay him down and try to walk away for a minute but the crying just makes it worse. So I take a deep breath come back and rock him or try to put him to sleep. He will fall asleep in my arms and as soon as I lay him down, he wakes up! I already have problems with my back as I am 5'1 and my 4 month old weighs 20 lbs. and is 28 inches long (he is breast fed). So the constant up and down kills my back which then makes the situation even worse. I do not want this to continue because my husband and I have worked too hard so far to make our son happy and I don't want to screw it up. I hate the idea of taking anxiety medicine for my nerves, but I am not really sure what to do. On these days I cry just as much as he does, and then I resent myself and feel like the worst mother alive... I mean who yells at a 4 month old! My husband tries to help as much as he can, but he has to work so it is just me. Even he doesn't know how stressed I am, because I am so scared he will judge me or think I am crazy. Hell, I think I am crazy. My son means the world to me, and I want to feel better and have more energy to be the best mom I can for him... I just don't know how. Please do not judge me as this was really hard to begin with. I just really need some help, support, love... something. :(

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Michele - posted on 11/14/2012

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First, have your husband read this post so he knows how you feel. It's important to have good communication in your relationship. Second, check out the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." It gives tons of advice, research, and tips for sleep training your baby and giving them the naps they so desperately need. Third, find a family member or friend who would be willing to take the babe for just a half day or a full day and get some rest. I know as a mom I get more cranky and emotional when I haven't had time to get the rest that I need. I work as a full-time teacher (on top of being a mom) in first grade and it's exhausting! Just take a little time to pamper yourself and re-focus.



Remember, no mother is perfect and sometimes your baby will be unhappy. I think sometimes we focus too much on always making sure our kids are happy but they need to experience unhappiness as well, even as babies.



Hang in there dear! You can do it. Hope this helps.

Dawn - posted on 11/14/2012

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Do you have a Health Visitor or someone you can talk to at your baby clinic ? These people are professionals and will not judge you - They are there soley to help you and your baby cope with all manner of situations,please seek their advice it's normally free and they truly understand and want only the best for MUM,DAD & BABY

Niki - posted on 11/14/2012

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You are so brave to even reach out for help! I think almost all of us feel so overwhelmed and frustrated that we feel we are going to break, but many of us suffer in silence for fear of being judged. Remember one thing... being a Mom is a JOB!! just because we are at home and not receiving a salary, we are working the equivalent to 3 full time jobs! if you were working outside of the home for as many hours as you are putting in right now, you would have no problem asking you husband to cook dinner and fold the laundry while you put your feet up or took a bath or had a nap. and you would not be working on your masters degree. I think you need to let a few things slide...if you can't put your education on hold right now, perhaps you can hire a nanny or a mama's helper (usually a teenage girl to play with the baby and unload the dishwasher and fold laundry) for a few hours a day to give you time to work.

I joined a baby group which helped me get through. we met one a week and complained and vented. just feeling like others were going through the same thing was helpful, but also an excuse to take a shower, but on something other than sweat pants, and get out into the sunshine as like therapy and medicine.

Take care of yourself, don't try to meet others expectations, and enjoy your relationship with your son. remember... no one on their death bed ever wished that they had worked more or did more housework!

Lani - posted on 11/14/2012

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I have read some good ideas from the other moms on here so far. I would say, baby wearing, ruling out and getting treatment for postpartum depression if necessary, and the warming up the bed options are all great ideas. I had some luck also with placing my warm hands on my babies when I layed them down, it helped them settle - then I carefully removed my hands and escaped for a small break!!! Baby wearing is very helpful too.



Also, I know money is an issue, but sometimes you can find a young girl that can be a "mother's helper". I had an awesome girl from the local school (she was twelve) come over two afternoons per week for an hour or so. I was there, so my wee ones were safe, the children loved her (and vice versa) and she was happy with about six dollars per hour. I then got a little bit of time to have a bath, chop veggies unencumbered, make some calls, etc! It was great for everyone and her parents liked it too because their daughter was getting some introductory work experience. :)

Melissa - posted on 11/14/2012

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Well Momma, you are doing great! You breastfeed and he is healthy! We all get overwhelmed and yes even scream on occasion. Don't beat yourself up. Seriously, I have four boys and some days it is an accomplishment to be dressed with teeth and hair brushed! Slow down is what I have to even tell myself. Schedule time to be alone, even an hour, and you'll see how much good it does emotionally. Schedule time to nap with your baby, yes even sitting in a rocker with him in your arms. It seems that you both may need it. (Even if it is only twice per week.) Maybe, if you can, slow down your course load (but don't stop- you go girl!)

If you continue to feel overwhelmed and angry, speak to your doc and/or pediatrician. Hugs to ya!

Nancy - posted on 11/14/2012

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express some breast milk into a bottle if not possible buy formula and get some help from family members to baby sit. if this is not possible hire someone to come into your home while you are there to help you. The best mothers in the world can lose it. you need some help. dont be afraid to ask for it. My son was very active. didnt sleep more than 6 hours a day with no naps. that god for my mother. i was very young but i still needed help.

Joy - posted on 11/14/2012

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Hearther, first of all, am sending u a bear hug. I could totally connect with ur situation but girl, its time to introduce some formula. This won't make u a bad mom, as u need ur sanity to be able to have a healthy parenting for ur adorable son. A lot of baby-boys never grow out of d breasts so the early u get him taking some formula, the better. This will widen his taste, and of course give him a longer sleep.... You don't wanna be a bad mom. Do u?

Angi - posted on 11/14/2012

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I hate to say it but I believe you have too much on your plate. Finish the school semester and take a semester or two off. I've been there with schooling and baby also and it was too much at that time. I went back later and finished. Also I felt this way with my second child and the doctors upped my anti-depressants which helped some. Good Luck!

Coralie - posted on 11/14/2012

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Hi there,

I know exactly what you are saying, as my son was the same, I felt just like you did, but you need to remember that the first child is never easy. There is no right or wrong way on how to raise a child. If you feel like you are going to scream at him, put him down in a safe place & walk away. Go outside & scream. If you can hear him crying then he is still fine, He himself is very tired & needs to sleep to grow. If he is not sleeping during the day then he will also not be feeding well as he is tired.

Think about putting your Masters degree on hold, so that you can ease the pressure on yourself, you may possibly be able to pick it up next year once things have sorted themselves out & you have got into a routine. Moving to a new place is stressful in itself with a new baby doubles the stress. Try to find playgroups in your area, so that you can get some support & make friends for yourself. You need to build a support network for your self.

Believe me many, many mums feel the way you do.

It is normal to feel tired, stressed & at odds when the firstborn arrives as nothing in the world can prepare you for the HUGE change that they bring about in your life.

You will make it through this trying time & you are brave to reach out and ask for help. Do not feel ashamed, it is normal at least you have the sense to ask for assistance many woman don't

.Maybe try to get an appointment with a family doctor in your new area to discuss it with, they could possible put you onto someone who can help with a few things. Every little bit helps. Never Ever Be afraid to ask for Help.

Sharadha - posted on 11/14/2012

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Hi,

I doubt if there are many mothers who have not experienced what you are feeling including the guilt after the temper outburst. Try to have some 'me' time wherein after your husband is back home, you can just go for a small walk or do something exclusively for yourself. This will help recharge your batteries. Trust me much as we all adore our babies, we do need some time for ourselves.

Also taking your husband into confidence may work wonders.

Your happy state will also ensure your baby is contented!

Allison - posted on 11/14/2012

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Been there, I have 3 kids (8,5,20mo.) and worked full time with all but the first. I was in grad school for the first as well and worked PT. I have had all the emotions and broke a few things along the way as well. You do need time for yourself though and you need to learn to let things go. The house will not fall apart. Attend to your son, then yourself. Have you tried putting him in the stoller to get him to fall asleep, the swing, or a baby carrier? Anything for a little nap will let you get a nap as well. Can you hire someone to come over for a few hours? Can you send him to PT daycare a few days a week so you get your time to renew and refresh?



It is all about balance and you will figure out how to balance it eventually but you need to focus on yourself and getting some rest. I would talk to your instructor about extensions on assignments as needed if possible. Being a teacher myself I try to help my students in whatever situation they are in. Just remember you are not alone and your feelings are perfectly natural and don't hate yourself. I always tell myself when I am holding my child at 3am with only 1 hr of sleep that one day I will not get the chance to hold them at 3am again. That helps me deal with my emotions at the moment and relax. Try yoga, meditation while nursing and exercise which helped me as well. I also made sure I did an extra pumping each day to store up a large supply for times I need to be away from them.



Good luck, we are strong women and that is the reason why we are the ones to carry and raise a child.

Sharon - posted on 11/14/2012

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postpartum depression is real and I suffered from it with my children. It gets better but when your child is older. When your husband arrives home take a nap or a drive it works. I am here if u need me also.

Sheena - posted on 11/14/2012

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Hi Heather,

It's been a few days and you have been given so much great advice. How are you doing? Have you tried anything different yet? Also,the bottom line to all the advice I've read is that you would be ok, we all have been thru it and survived and so would you. Please just Don't try to do it All by yourself, you would drive yourself Crazy or have a breakdown.

All the Best!! As you see we are all here for you. If you lived in Bermuda, where I am, I would drive right over and help. Sorry!! :-)

Lakecia - posted on 11/14/2012

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Hey....I haven't read all the way through the comments and posts because its tooooo many! LOL.....but I did c some good suggestions. The Johnson & Johnson Bedtime Lotion works really good. When its time for a nap give u baby a little pinch of cereal in his bottle and put him n a swing in front of Cartoons. Animation keeps their minds busy. I would also consider a nanny (good friend) or a daycare. U can also schedule play dates with other kids and that's a help in watching also. There is always teens looking for babysitting jobs in the neighborhood. Take advantage even if its for about 4 hrs a day. Its a help also. Don't be stressed it'll all get better soon.

Jessica - posted on 11/14/2012

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Well...I am still judging you. No parent should yell at a four year old. I had a neighbor in my apartment building who was like that and I am still terrified of her. I heard her swear at her son and repeatedly tell him to go sit on his bed... I knocked on her door once and told her that I was going to call SRS if she did not stop swearing at him. She said "done". Personally I have never had a problem with her. She is like you. She seems nice to the outside world, but let her be behind closed doors and it is sad.

ALICIA - posted on 11/14/2012

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Hi i am a mom to and i know the feeling ,maybe if you pat him on

his back and sing to him play with him a little he might settle down i have done

that with my son who is down syndrome and it helps me a lot ,good luck

Amanda - posted on 11/14/2012

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It sounds like post partum depression and anxiety from all that you have to do. As a mom of 5, I recommend u get medicine for nerves and find a sitter in your area to keep the baby 2-3 days a week so u can get stuff done that's needed. I have 2 small children and they go to the sitter now twice a week so I can breathe n get things done around the house and/or just have time to myself.Don't feel guilty about sending your son to a sitter bc it will do u both good. Good luck.

Denise - posted on 11/14/2012

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Have yo tried carrying your baby in a sling? That was my sanity with my first daughter as she was the same way and unless she was in my arms she was not happy. With the sling she would nap in it and at least my hands were free to do things.

Denise - posted on 11/14/2012

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Have yo tried carrying your baby in a sling? That was my sanity with my first daughter as she was the same way and unless she was in my arms she was not happy. With the sling she would nap in it and at least my hands were free to do things.

Dawn - posted on 11/14/2012

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Ps...I forgot to tell you I've had 3 back surgeries. One of which while I was two months pregnant and the other when she was 2 months old because my back never healed from pregnancy. (I had to have my spine fused). So I COMPLETELY understand your back pain and chronic pain takes its toll on you too. I found light yoga and stretching to be a huge help and I did that while my baby lied on the floor and played next to me. She loved that I would interact with her on the floor with her too. If you don't mind my asking, where do you live? We were living off of one salary for a while and things were tight but if you sit down with your bills and budget, you can prob find a college student with a lot of babysitting experience to come for a few hours even if its one or two days a week. Combine that with your hubby(who sounds great btw) and you could get peace of mind. It shouldn't cost that much (our sitter comes two days a week for 3 hours each and it only costs us around $50).



It might be worth putting your masters on hold for a short while so you don't feel so pressured. This could free up some funds too so you can save for a bit and maybe be able to afford help when you start up again. You're welcome to email me if you'd like someone to chat with. Look me up on fb and send me a private message.

Dawn - posted on 11/14/2012

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Oh you poor thing. I think any mom knows what you're going through. There may be several factors at play here...for starters, not enough breastmilk (he is a growing baby and you may not be producing enough anymore). Try supplementing with a bottle. My baby girl sleeps much better when she is full (she is 6 months). The other factor is you'd be surprised how much babies pick up on your anxiety and it effects them in a big way. Getting help so you can step out or even just nap yourself will help in a huge way and you might see a difference in him just from you being calm and refreshed. My daughter went through a spurt that she woke up the minute we put her down. She liked being in confined spaces so it made a huge difference for us to put her to sleep in the rock and play sleeper by fischer price. She liked the feeling of being surrounded and she slept like a champ when she was. We stopped swaddling her around 4 months and she was so used to that confined feeling that she would wake herself up when she wasn't swaddled. We started our baby on cereal and stage one foods at 4 months also. This is when she started sleeping 10 hour nights for us. Maybe the solids in his diet will help keep him a little more full twice a day. Plus this is something your husband or someone else can do to give you the break to walk away for a few too. I know with your first its hard to give up control to someone else, but if you have someone you can trust and rely on then you really should take time for you. You will feel like a brand new person. Best of luck love!

Abigail - posted on 11/14/2012

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l think you are over worked. you are under pressure with your studies and you need peace an quiet to study. on the other hand a child needs a lot of attention. you have conflict of interest. how to be a super mom and a student at the same time. perhaps you can get a baby sitter to come and watch the baby perhaps for a few hours in a day so you can do your studies and still be able to be affective as a mother. babies are very hard to understand. even a full time mother who has no extra activities has some bad days. l am not judging you cause have been where you're at but had support of family. my brothers would look after the baby (for a fee ofcourse) so l could have some me time. your humanity is just showing. if theres someone you can ask help from by all means do so its very important for you and most importantly the baby.

Melissa - posted on 11/13/2012

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Heather,



Do you find yourself crying a lot? Are you nervous and irritable even if your baby is in a good mood? Do you have difficulty sleeping - or on the flip side, sleep all the time? How's your appetite - are you eating?



It is not uncommon for women to get post partum depression even months after they have their babies. If these symptoms describe you, you should check in with your gyno to discuss some kind of treatment.



No matter what, you should be supporting yourself more. Consider getting yourself a babysitter for an hour during the day a few days a week, so you can get away from your son entirely, just enough to get some air and a coffee. You will see what wonders it will do for your peace of mind.



Also, if your son is screaming and you can't bear it, it's ok to even walk outside - just for 5 minutes - to get away from the noise. That 5 minutes in which he will cry will not harm him, and it is more important for you to stay sane and maintain a positive relationship with him than it is for him to be held for that 5 minutes while crying.



Good luck - let us know how it goes.

Nothile - posted on 11/13/2012

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Ja! your story is very emotional and you try by all means to raise your son in a very good way and to be the best mom ever. i suggest you should get somebody to baby sit so that you will get some time to relax because being a mom does not mean you should not get some time to relax. i hop soon you will find help.



keep on being the great mom!

Amina - posted on 11/13/2012

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It is always difficult being a mom for the first time.babies normally cry when they r hungry,maybe yours does get his belle full with just breat milk so start him on a formular.

And ur nt a bad mom, we all go thru that stage just be strong n hang in there.

Samantha - posted on 11/13/2012

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Every mother I know has felt like this at some point. I felt like that too until I went back to work funny enough! I get the break I need by being at work. You definitely need to get out. Haven't you got friends you could trust to watch your son while you and your husband go to movies or to dinner? At this point, even a few hours break will help you!

Katherine - posted on 11/13/2012

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Hi. My daughter was similar as an infant. She only slept from 12 am to 6 am and took a few ten minute naps during the day, not many. She was also very active in the womb. She turned out to be an ADHD child! From birth to age 22 (now) she put my life on fast forward. I handled it by being a stay at home mom. I just gave in to the challenge of keeping her busy and safe. I took her out for hours a day to three to five playgrounds a day, as a toddler, to the petting zoo, museum, Underseas Gardens, YWCA childminding where I volunteered (while she played with other children), regular swimming at the Y pool. Lots of fresh air helped her sleep. If I took her to the pool (even as a baby) and swooshed her around, carried her in it, etc, she would sleep at 9 pm instead of midnight. I sang her to sleep every night for an hour. I gave her light, calming massage on her arms and legs, and stroked her hair to settle her. You might need to hire help if you are going to study. If your child is very active or ADHD, your child is going to require alot of your time, energy, and focus to keep happy. It may last for years. Now my daughter has chosen to work in a field that keeps her very busy and active. I just gave in to the extra effort and patience it took with her. I usually didn't work outside the home.

Kjersten - posted on 11/13/2012

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I agree with postpartum depression. It is a hard, hard adjustment. I have seen some posts that say it should resolve itself in 6 months, but if it goes untreated, it will continue for years. Get some medical help. You don't have to feel this way.

Aimee - posted on 11/13/2012

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Wow....sounds like me! It is SO normal for you to feel this way. A) you're breastfeeding so your husband can't help with that if he wanted to. Do you have any family or friends who could watch him for a few hours 1x or 2x a week? Is part time daycare an option? This may be something as simple as 2-3 days a week for 4 hours each of those days. It sounds like you need some major "me" time. I have an anxiety disorder for which I have been on meds for years. I have 2 beautiful girls, 6 years and 14 months. During my 2nd pregnancy I was off meds and I was so mean to everyone around me, even my then 5 year old....I felt like I was verbally abusing her and my husband and mom. See about homeopathic antianxieties. Also ask your pediatrician about your son's sleep. A 4 month old who doesn't nap isn't the norm. if he falls asleep in your arms, can you put him down in the crib or on a blanket on the floor near you so you can do your work?

Kara - posted on 11/13/2012

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Sweetheart i was there with our son two years ago. Please please text me anytime. Back then no one understand what i was going through. Our son was colic and it was a nightmare. Im here for u 24/7. Call or text anytime. 805-863-5444

Janelle - posted on 11/13/2012

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I'm sorry. Full time student + breast feeding 4 month old = insanity. Your hormones are still adjusting so if you sometimes feel unreasonably sad/angry/horny, you know, all that stuff it's the hormones. Plus your exhausted making it worse. I remember those days, it was hard, and I wasn't even in school. Cut yourself some slack. If your little one has to cry for a few minuets let him. Walk away and catch a breather. Maybe time it, 20 minuets or so. I truly think breastfeeding while your body adjusts is a great help. I had two pregnancies- the first I breastfed and the second I didn't (I had twins, there were complications. And I just wanted my boobs back). But I regretted not nursing later. In hind sight, I realized my body adjusted much quicker when I nursed. But lets face it, it's still a difficult task either way. One just doesn't realize how crazy they are when they're crazy. Cheer up, it's only been 4 months (I know it feel like an eternity), but it will get easier. Oh yeah and if the baby wakes up a 6 am try to get up at 5:30 or 5. Having that time to myself made ALL the difference in the world. I would have coffee and pray. It saved my life, and probably my babies too.

Cheryl - posted on 11/13/2012

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Hi Heather, I work for Parents as Teachers and deal with this topic all the time with new mothers. Have you talked to the babys Dr about this? A four month old should be taking longer naps during the day. At least 2-3 naps daily for a 4 moth old. Have you tried a pacifier? I have been where you are and you are not a bad mom for asking for help. Just know that anytime it gets to be too much you can always make sure your baby is in a safe place and go into another room to calm down. It is ok if he cries for a few minutes. If you are stressed he can feel it wich will make him more stressed. So it is better for both of you if you can take a time out for yourself. I had to do this when my son had colic for 4 months and my husband was traveling for work and only home on the weekends. I know how you feel. If you can during his nap try and take even 20 minutes for you. Set your work aside and focus on yourself 20-30 minutes a day can really help. Take him for a walk in his stroller, sometimes the fresh air will put them to sleep. When you get home if he is asleep you can push the stroller next to where you are and let him continue napping in the stroller. i did this several times or even left him in his pumpkin seat that I brought in he house from the car if he fell asleep on an errand. A walk could do both of you good. I would talk to your pediatrition about the 1 nap a day, like I said they should be sleeping more than that. You are a great mom for reaching out for help. You can look and see if there is a Parents as Teachers program in your area. it is a free program and they will help you through your childs development most of them up to kindergarten age. They have a lot of ideas and resources and they are there if you need someone to talk to. Good luck

Mary - posted on 11/13/2012

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Hi! you have to get yourself together and just know that what you are feeling is perfectly normal. you are a great person and a wonderful Mom. We all get stressed and sometimes we yell at our kids in the moments of stress. Your son knows you love him. but remember, when you are stressed so his he. You are going to yell at times. Just hug him and tell him you love him. As for you, we are not here to judge you. We are your friends. We have all been through these types of situations or similar situations. Life doesn't come with an instruction manual we just have to take it as it comes to us. I am going to school and raising 3 children by myself with no job. I can truly relate to the stress you are under. I know it's hard just pull yourself together and know that you can do this!

Julie - posted on 11/13/2012

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no judgement here - I have been where you are! My stress level got so bad that i wanted to grab my son by the ankles and throw him through the wall - WHO DOES THAT???? I didn't but when the idea of that made my feel better, I knew it was time for help so I went to the doctor. First for me, and then for him. Two things happened: First, I found out that, even though I was functioning, I was suffering from post-partum depression. Remember, there is no shame in seeking help and wow! what a difference the right medication makes! Second, the constant crying from my son? turns out he had a hernia and needed surgery! While that may not be the case for you, go talk to a professional for yourself - just having someone telling you you're not horrible and you're doing "it right" can make a world of difference. Professionals don't judge - we pay them not to ! :) And if money for therapy is an issue, there are plenty of places that operate on sliding scales - but odds are you may be covered on your husband's insurance! Best of luck, honey - trust me - most of us have been there - my son is almost 18 now and still says he loves me everyday and kisses me goodbye every time he leaves the house - hang in there - you'll get through this!

Saysha - posted on 11/13/2012

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Its ok hang in there u need supportive friends an family by your side hang in there u are a good mom your just stressed out

Tamara - posted on 11/13/2012

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Hi I completely understand.maybe you can find a mommy's helper someone who can help you for a few hours a day ? You seem to just need a little me time.

Carli - posted on 11/13/2012

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We've all been here, I have a five month old and my husband has been away at work basicakky since the baby has been born. We recently purchased a house two hours away from our family and friends, and although I really like where we live, and I love being a Mom, it sometimes gets overwhelming between house work, feedings and everything else day to day life throws at me. It will get better as you learn how to read your baby. Try different things in response to him crying or not napping. Sometimes its just a change of scenery or change in routine the baby wants but cannot express to you with his words yet.



Chin Up Momma :)

Elizabeth - posted on 11/13/2012

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You are not a bad mother, you are a sensitive & caring mother, or you wouldn't be so worried about how to handle this situation. I can't tell you how I feel your pain! I had my first baby while I was in law school, and my husband was farming away from the city where the law school was located and our married student housing apartment. I spent most of my time alone, day and night, for the first 6 months of my daughter's life. I went on to have a total of five children, so remember, this too shall pass.

I agree with the baby wearing as long as your baby carrier has a part that allows some of the baby weight to be distributed to your waist and hips.The look a little like a weightlifter's support belt. Your baby will nap that way allowing you to get some work done.

For now, I would lay down with your baby during the short afternoon nap so you can get some rest to refresh you. My daughter would wake up when she went from a sitting to sleeping position, so nurse, burp, nurse a tiny bit until he drifts off or gets drowsy & try the heating pad trick. If he wakes up, just massage his back a little and whisper/hum...STAGE 2 in your "raising baby while I get my master's degree plan" is to get a jr.high/high school girl to come into your home to watch him after nap time, for just 2 hours, so you can get your homework & assignments done. You may not need her every day, just when you have homework. What do you do with your son during class? You could take him to daycare but it's more time efficient & convenient for you to have someone in the home with you while you do homework, and then you can stay on your nursing schedule, you don't need to pack him up, and you can be there if they have questions, etc.Since you are in the home with your sitter, you don't need a child care expert, just even a 12 year old who can change & play with your little guy. Remember that this is the time in your life when you need to spend that little bit, because your baby is young, you are getting your masters, and it won't always be like this. There is a light at the end of the tunnel!! Also, at your son's next appointment, please share this with his doctor or your own. He or she should be able to assist you with suggestions, and help you determine if you need some anti-depressant help. Best wishes to you and your wonderful little family.

Amanda - posted on 11/13/2012

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Maybe you could have a friend or a near by college/ high school student or maybe a neighbor come over to keep the baby entertained for a couple hours in the afternoon so you can break up your day, get some work done/take a quick nap, and your little one can get some socialization with other people but still be around for feedings. Don't worry though, not everyone has a perfect time raising their kids. Every day has it's ups and downs...just deal with it one day at a time.

Cherie - posted on 11/13/2012

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you need to give yourself a break. Your baby is four months old so I'm guessing exhaustion is a major factor for you. You also have hormonal see saw going on in your body. You are also there with your little one 24-7. Imagine spending 24-7 with your husband, someone would probably end up injured.

Get a babysitter and go out with the girls or even your husband to a movie/dinner/skating whatever makes you relaxed and happy. Your education is important but with the stress that you are experiencing you won't do a good job there either. Take some me time as well. Go get your nails done or whatever gives you a breather. When you return you will have some perspective on things.

Just a quick warning, when you get away from your baby the first time, all your going to do is think about him and worry if he's ok. This is normal and it will take training to let go a bit but when you do you will truly be able to relax and return refreshed.

Bonnie - posted on 11/13/2012

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I am sorry to hear your going through this..it is suppose to be a wonderful journey.I believe you have taken on too much..while your baby is still so young.You are over doing it and stretching yourself way too thin.You need to stop..take a deep breath..and reorganize some things. Do not feel like a bad mom..you are trying to raise your baby and go to school to better the future for your child...SLOW DOWN...maybe put school off just a while longer and enjoy the time you have with him now..he will not stay this size forever and you are missing out on alot by over extending yourself. I hope you get the breather you need to continue to enjoy motherhood the way it should be! :) Hang in there..it will work itself out!

Samantha - posted on 11/13/2012

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I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. Maybe you should think about putting school on hold until your son is a little bit older so that you are not so overwhelmed during such a new period and transitional time in your life? Things will get better. Best of luck.

Lisa - posted on 11/13/2012

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I had trouble with my second son not wanting to sleep, only falling asleep on me and waking up when he was put down. A friend of mine recommended a baby swing and it was by far the best baby item I ever bought. The first time I put him in it he went straight to sleep and slept for over an hour. I managed to get him to take at least two naps a day using the swing which allowed me to have a nap during one and do some housework during the other. I gradually introduced him to napping in his bedroom and now at 18 months he is back down to one map but he sleeps for two to three hours.

Also try to make sure you are eating right. Pack as much fruit and veg into your diet as you can it sounds like such a small thing but it makes all the difference.

I hope things get better for you soon

Kanupriya - posted on 11/13/2012

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Don't worry it is ok. We all have brust outs.Regarding NAP..just lie down with him and make him asleep as in night.He will fall asleep and then when he is fast asleep getup andmove.

Amy - posted on 11/13/2012

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not crazy at all!! We all have times like this. I used to give my daughter a warm bath with that lavendar baby soap. The water and lavendar makes you both feel better about things and will relax baby so he can go to sleep. Good luck!!

Danelle - posted on 11/13/2012

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The early months are hard and so stressful on moms, especially when you don't have any help. You need to talk to your husband right away and explain what your day actually looks like when he's gone so he'll understand just how much stress you're under.



Ask him for specific things that will help you (like he takes the afternoon shift with baby on Saturday and Sunday so you can take a nap, bubble bath, or go out for a coffee break alone). He can volunteer for a few feeding shifts of pumped breastmilk on the weekends too late at night so you can get a little more sleep.



My husband and I worked our schedules like this with our last 3 babies. It was still hard, but it was better by sharing the load. Other than that, things get significantly easier around the 6 month mark with many babies. Hang in there, sweetie!

Katie - posted on 11/13/2012

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Jennifer Mack... If ypur post was intended for me ... It's really .not as bad now both children sleep all through the night and my first will sometimes take a nap and I also have support from my mother in law she lives 15ins away and the boys have aunt Rochelle who is 12 and uncle Ryan who is 17 to play with and they love it and I'm able to get a break . So I really do get to spend time of my own. I have a very supportive husband that does what he can :)

Jessica - posted on 11/13/2012

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There is no shame in meds!! I had to get on something when my daughter was born, best descion ever! It's amazing how much better I will feel. Good luck hun.

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