Please do not judge: I need some help.

Heather - posted on 11/09/2012 ( 278 moms have responded )

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Hi! I am new to here, but I really need some help. I am ashamed that I am even at this point, but I don't know what to do. I am crying as I am writing this, because I never imagined it would ever be like this. My husband and I have a 4 month old little boy. He is always happy and usually a pretty calm minded baby. My husband works full time and currently I stay at home, and I am working on my master's full time. I have never had a temper problem, or been super emotional but lately I find my self losing control a lot. For example, my son is very energetic, and very rarely takes naps. He does sleep through the night 11pm- 5 or 6am) but maybe one nap during the day if I am lucky. Most days I am fine, but then some days like today he doesn't nap and here it is 6:00 p.m. and we have been up since 6:00 am with no nap and I am exhausted! I haven't had a break and I then get overwhelmed because I have assignments due everyday. I then find myself yelling at my baby to just go to sleep and then of course he cries more... so I lay him down and try to walk away for a minute but the crying just makes it worse. So I take a deep breath come back and rock him or try to put him to sleep. He will fall asleep in my arms and as soon as I lay him down, he wakes up! I already have problems with my back as I am 5'1 and my 4 month old weighs 20 lbs. and is 28 inches long (he is breast fed). So the constant up and down kills my back which then makes the situation even worse. I do not want this to continue because my husband and I have worked too hard so far to make our son happy and I don't want to screw it up. I hate the idea of taking anxiety medicine for my nerves, but I am not really sure what to do. On these days I cry just as much as he does, and then I resent myself and feel like the worst mother alive... I mean who yells at a 4 month old! My husband tries to help as much as he can, but he has to work so it is just me. Even he doesn't know how stressed I am, because I am so scared he will judge me or think I am crazy. Hell, I think I am crazy. My son means the world to me, and I want to feel better and have more energy to be the best mom I can for him... I just don't know how. Please do not judge me as this was really hard to begin with. I just really need some help, support, love... something. :(

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Jen - posted on 11/13/2012

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You sound like you need to take some time just for yourself. Can hubby watch your son for a weekend? You could check into a hotel for a night or two and even if all you do is sleep you'll likely feel much more recharged. If that's not workable could hubby just watch him for an hour or two in the evening so you can catch some shut eye, or go grab a manicure...

Katie - posted on 11/13/2012

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Every baby is different. I have 2 children now and one on the way. With my first little boy I had to hold him until he really was asleep. I could move home though and he would still sleep. So if moving your bundle doesn't work maybe just hold him all through nap time. Then both of you get rest :) My second son was not so easy he to was difficult to handle. He would sleep all day long while I would chase around my 2 year old then would wake up as soon as I put my 1 st down for bed for the night . All night he would be up every 2 hours to eat or just wanted to be up. When he finally did go to sleep for the night it would be m and my first would be ready to full force all day long he didn't take naps during the day either. They are still not on the same schedule and it can be very frustrating. I like to have time to myself too so a designated time every day they are either put in their beds with toys they can play with or I put on a veggie tales movie for them. Babies are quiet and momma gets peace :)

Stephanie - posted on 11/13/2012

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I think your stress may also come from the fact that you have the extra pressure of finishing your school work for your Masters. I too was very overwhelmed with my first child when she was first born. Now that my children have grown I have more perspective. We have all yelled at our babies; I don't say it's the right thing to do but we are human. My daughter was diagnosed with cancer when she was 5 and a half years old, as a baby she was emotional and exhasuting I thought when she turmed 5 everything would get easier, she would finally get to be in kindergarten and I would get a break. Well the universe had a different plan, she got sick and we spent 2 years going thorugh hell but she is now in remission. I felt so depleted of energy and time towards myself then. Over time I was able to take care of the things that make me happy and have gone back to school because the timing is right. This is my point, maybe you might want to consider taking a leave of absence from school for just a bit until your son is a little older. We think we are all in a planned path but when our children are born many things get derailed and we get angry and overwhelmed, but it is not their fault. We just need to adjust how we see the world now that they are in it. If you did not have to meet certain deadlines for school you would not be so exhasuted with your baby. Plus I agree with the other mom's find some time for your self. Joining a local MOM's group that can help you meet other mom's going through similar experiences like yours and build friendships so you won't feel so alone on this. Much luck to you and hang in there. I've found out we are all stronger than we think we are.

Natalie - posted on 11/13/2012

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How are you doing Heather? If you want to vent, this will be the place, we will read and give you whatever advise that worked for us. You are not alone, crazy, etc. You are a down to earth mother, without support. Most of us have been there. One thing I want to add is that it gets easier. A little more patient and it will get better.

Sheena - posted on 11/13/2012

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First of al, Congratualtions on asking for help Heather!!! I have three children of my own and I'm a Day Care Provider, I have my own business, so I work alone. I see parents go thru this all the time and 'm giving out advice quite often on Parenting.

My first bit of advice is to take you baby to the Doctor to rule out and medical problems, acid reflux, constipation etc. keep in mind that there are children that don't sleep thru the day. Also please go to your Doctor and explain everything you're feeling and going thru. Try to take your husband with you so he hear how you feel and the Doctor's response, the Doctor will also advice your husband of how he could help you. This is not just your problem it's your husband's too. Even though he isn't going thru what you are going thru, it will eventually affect him and your relationship with him.

I have lots of suggestions for you and your baby.

1) If you are breast feeding and you are stress out, you are probably passing it on to the baby. You should be relaxed, and calm while breast feeding. Whatever emotion your feeling your baby will react to it. Maybe you cousin express milk into a bottle and use it whenever your not feeling calm give him the bottle, once you get him to accept it. I'm surprised you are still producing milk. :-)

2) when your baby wakes early in the morning(about 6am or so) get him ready after he is fed take him for a walk in him stroller. This will help him start a calm/relaxed day and this will give you some exercise, thinking time, and me time. It could be as slow as possible and as far as you like. No one will judge you especially your baby.

3) once you get back, put your baby in a pumpkin seat, or swing for a bit,about 10 minutes or so. While he is in there, do something for yourself. He may take a nap. Maybe eat breakfast or put some clothes in the washer, or wash up dishes.

Sorry I have to go now, I will continue my entry later. I hope this will help.

Dawn - posted on 11/13/2012

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you need mom time find a baby sitter the child needs time away from mom to and when you are stressed the child feels it and will act out, you need a brake its ok for you to take your own time,24 hours a day is not healthy,find a sitter or cheap day care, dont feel bad for your temper we are human and we can only go so far when your temper is flairing its your mind who says ok alarm brake needed, the child needs firm rules nap time play time quiet time no doubt find someone to help.

Victoria - posted on 11/13/2012

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You are defiantly not a bad mum,we have all experienced this at some point.the best thing to do is maybe sit and talk to your husband about it,maybe even your health visitors.when my two year old was born she had lots of problems was in the childrens hospital for two weeks and was neg tube fed for months and I really found it hard(I had a 3yr old to) but my relief was being able to talk about how I felt also when my husband came home from work after tea,I would go out for an hour for a walk with the dogs or round a friends for a cup of tea,the library even the supermarket,swimming anywhere just to have an hour me time and I found that I could deal with things because I had that to look forward to.never blame yourself or feel guilty for feeling anxious or upset nobody knows how life changing having a baby is until you actually have them and we can only do our best,they say that if your stressed the baby can sense that also so try your best to stay calm maybe drink herbal teas or go for a walk round the park with your baby.most of all know your not alone.x

Elizabeth Nicole - posted on 11/13/2012

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You are not alone in this area of stress believe. You are doing a great job and just need to find a schedule that works with both of you. I know it seems hard but it will get easier. My husband and I are trying to to the samething with our 9 yr old who is adhd and bipolar. Just stay strong and know that you are not alone.

Danielle - posted on 11/13/2012

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It sounds like you've gotten some good advice here. I suggest you go through them, write down the good ones, and go from there.



I agree you should do 3 things immediately 1) Talk to your husband (2 brains are better than one)

2) Call your family (so what they're 3 hours away), if they care they will travel

3) Call or join a nearby Church, to see if they can help support you in any way, ( a teenage babysitter), someone who can help out for a few hours a week.



Good Luck! And wishing you the best.

Stacey - posted on 11/13/2012

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Please don't beat yourself up. I think all moms feel this way at some point. Do you have any friends or family members who can watch your son a couple of hours a day once or twice a week? Getting some time for yourself would make a huge difference in how you feel. My youngest sons are 10 months and 1 day apart so I understand how you feel.

Jessica - posted on 11/13/2012

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Yes we all have times like this u r not alone and while he is young try this... Lay him down let him cry use a timer becuz it may feel longer then it is, ten min later console him and tell ok time for a nap and lay him back down and repeat. Not easy but a baby on a schedule is a happy baby. At night too an over tired baby is hard to get to sleep so use the same at night and at an earlier hr. allowing u more time and you won't be as emotional becuz u will not feel so over whelmed. Realize your hormones r still out of control I have three kids and sometimes those "baby blues" can last a while, be patient if a better sleeping schedule doesn't help remember that medication doesn't have to be permanent but a temp solution to make sure u r healthy. Remember the baby can sense ur emotions too taking care of u will help him. Hope it helps! Take care and remember ur not alone we understand!

Evan - posted on 11/13/2012

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You have to keep in mind that this will pass and dig deep inside of you to find the strength. This phase will not last forever! That is a very big boy- perhaps starting to supplement with a little formula- Just to give you body a little break. I am pro bf'ing but I found myself slipping in about 6-8oz of formula a day. Taking a bottle will help you little one gain some independence when he gets to that point. If you are going for your masters perhaps a nanny a few hours a week? It is heart wrenching leaving kids to go to work but easing into it a day or two a week was a helpful for me and it didn't stress my kids out (or me!) that bad.

Kim - posted on 11/13/2012

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Judge you... God... I think any new mom feels the way you do at some point. I am so glad you are reaching out and talking about it. My husband works a lot and sometimes I just have to ask him to come home on time because the days are long when it is just you and babe alone. Don't worry, this too shall pass and you will get it all done. Don't put to much pressure on yourself. Know that you are doing the best you can do and that all you can ask of yourself. Its SO hard being a mom sometimes. We all feel it at somepoint or another. Keep moving foward, your doing a great job :)!

Erin - posted on 11/13/2012

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Hi Heather! You are not crazy. But here is what I think would help so you and your family can function a little better during this busy time. Talk with your husband and be honest, let him know what is REALLY going on. He should be your best friend, and he should be supportive for you getting help. Next, get in to see your doctor.... ASAP. It would be better for you to get on some kind of medication to help you during this stressful season in life. You should not be crying as much as your son... a medication can help with that. Don't look at it as being weak or a permanent solution, it might just be necessary for this time in life... It's okay! Also, is it possibly for you to take less classes right now? Maybe cutting your workload down could help to give you a little more peace and remember... you will not get this time back with your little one! Enjoy him. Also- get out of the house!! Even if you don't have a sitter for him, take him to the mall and mall walk for a little bit! You will feel refreshed with a change of scenery. Prayers are going out to you!! :)

Deborah - posted on 11/13/2012

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Join www.nextscoop.com a free social network that connects with family and friends.

Beatrice - posted on 11/13/2012

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Hi dear, i know this is a very challenging time for you and i have been their, what i had to do was to drop some of my classes, and pick them up for the summer, maybe if you have family or friends you feel you can trust to help you, also one of the things that help me relaxes is the natural herbal tea such as Chamomile tea and the Word of God help me through some very hard time, but please check with your doctor it can help.

Julie - posted on 11/13/2012

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I have the same problems as u do its like uve read my mind. There are days were i could just hate myself so much with the guilt and other days iam fine. My son does'nt sleep thru the night and he's 15 mnths. sleep is the key there is nothin worse that sleep deprivation just be strong i know how u feel its horrible feeling like this. All u have to remember is that ur baby wont remenber any of this so dont be too hard on urself if u have friends and family to lend a hand great u need some u time. Good luck x

Sherri - posted on 11/12/2012

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I actually thought I suffered from depression as well.. but when she was finally happy... I was able to relax and enjoy her :D

Sherri - posted on 11/12/2012

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I had the same issue with my second. We found out that she has reflux (heartburn). ALSO, I suffer from hyperlactation....

just going by personal experience.. but I talked to the pediatrician, and they put her on zantac (just heartburn meds... completely safe to use, i took it during both pregnancies)....

if you think it is hyperlactation... there are techniques to help with that as well



also, if he is fussy still.. you could try the happi tummi band... it works wonders

Anaquita - posted on 11/12/2012

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I have to second (or third or... well you get the idea) those who say postpartum depression. See your doctor for a referral to a therapist. There is no shame in getting help. Also, tell your husband how you're honestly feeling so that you can have the support to get said help.

Julie - posted on 11/12/2012

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Welcome to motherhood. It's tougher than anyone ever tells you. You think you know what you're getting into, but when you're there it's always much harder than you thought it would be. A couple things I can think of. Do you have someone that could come over each day for a couple hours to give you a break? Maybe family nearby or you could hire a teenager in your neighborhood? Just someone who could play with your son and do simple caregiver tasks so you can either take a nap, or have quiet time to work on your Master's degree, or get out for a break? When I find that my stress level is getting too high with my children and I find myself yelling at my children I know it's time for me to have some me time so I can come home mentally refreshed and be a better mother. For instance my 10 year old was off school for the last 3 weeks and she was behaving horribly, which trickled down to my 4 and 2 year old. Then this last weekend when everyone was home,(I have 7 children, 6 of which live at home), my 17 year old was yelling at everyone and talking back to me and my 12 year old wasn't listening to me and fighting with the 10 year old etc. and it was so loud and I was so stressed and no one was helping and I was overwhelmed... Well last night my son-in-law invited me over to he and my daughter's home to watch a movie with them. I took my 2 year old because I didn't know how late I would be and my husband needs his rest as he goes to work early and everyone else needed to go to bed because they had school today. It was soooo quiet at their house and it was so nice to just put my feet up and relax and watch a movie while my son entertained himself throwing a balloon up in the air. When I came home the house was quiet and everyone was asleep. My son did start throwing a tantrum and didn't want to go to bed when I hooked him up to his night time feed, but my 22 year old didn't have to work today so she took him down with her so I could go to bed. She even took care of everyone this morning so I could sleep in. I didn't realize how long it had been since I got a good night's sleep. I slept until 12:30 p.m. I never sleep that late. I guess I really needed it. When you're sleep deprived you're cranky, you hurt all over and you're irritable. It's no good for anyone. Anyway so getting a little break would be one of my suggestions. As for the anxiety medication that's something for you and your doctor to discuss. I know I've had anxiety since I was at least a teenager. I had ulcers when I was 17. Part of it is family history and part of it is I've always had a stressful life and a lot on my plate. So I used to take Zantac for that, but I grew up with an abusive mother. A lot of it stems from the abusive upbringing she had, and her untreated anxiety. When I became a mother I was bound and determined to break the cycle. Yet I found that no matter how hard I tried, when I was feeling overwhelmed, stressed, sleep deprived, sick etc. I became extremely irritable and had a really hard time controlling my temper. Well I kept waiting for things to get better, but my husband and I have had a lot of trials over the course of our 23 years of marriage and life has always been stressful. After my dad died I developed chronic hypertension and I realized I needed to control my anxiety for the sake of my health. Diet and exercise helped for a few years to where I was able to stop taking hypertension medication, but once our 6th child was born it came back. We were done having children due to the economy and the fact that we had 6 girls, but in 2010 we had a surprise and our 7th child, our son Jack was born. He was born 2 months premature and has had multiple health problems since he was born resulting in lots of medical bills and him needing a higher level of care than most babies. We don't have any family living nearby other than my 2 adult children, so it's just us to do everything. This year I started experiencing these rage episodes that were very scary. I get these hot flashes all the time that are miserable and I'm drenched, soaking wet, with sweat and I would feel so irritable and with the extremely stressful life I have, I would find myself flying into a rage with my children at the littlest things that most people wouldn't get too upset about. I was scaring my children, my husband and myself. I didn't like feeling that way and feeling like I had no control over my emotions and like that angry person wasn't even me. So one day I received an automated phone call from my insurance company about various health things. As I answered the questions the result was them sending me a survey to fill out about depression and take to my doctor. So I filled it out and when I took it to my doctor for my yearly well check, he looked it over and asked if I was really that depressed. I told him that I wasn't depressed. I said the best words to describe how I was feeling were stressed and overwhelmed ever since my son was born. He prescribed Zoloft for me since I'm still nursing my son. I had hesitated all these years to take anything even though 2 of my daughters are on anxiety medication. Within 2 weeks I felt a huge difference. I feel at ease. When things are crazy I feel calm and can deal with things better. I realize that I needed that. I'm all for trying exercise, meditation, talking to people, getting a break etc., anything to help you relax, but if you've tried everything and you feel that you just don't have the ability on your own that's when medication can help. Better to take medication and take care of yourself than to lose your temper with your child and then feel so guilty all the time you sink into depression. You have a lot on your plate with a new baby and working on your Master's degree. That would be stressful for anyone. Try making sure you get breaks for yourself and maybe things will be better when your baby is older and your master's degree is done, but if you find that it's not don't be afraid to take medication. My situation is maybe a little different than yours because my son's pediatrician said I'm going through perimenopause, which I guess can include these hot flashes and rage episodes from fluctuating hormones. Also my doctor said when you're nursing your hormones fluctuate and can cause you to be more emotional. So it's not your fault. The fact that you're asking for help means you're a good mom. So don't beat yourself up and just do the best you can, but know you can't do it all so don't be afraid to ask for help from family, hire someone, or take a little Zoloft.

Rouze - posted on 11/12/2012

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I also think you are suffering from post partum depression. You must tell your husband how you are feeling and maybe get some other mums who are nearby and understand to watch for him for at least an hour when you can geet out of the house and take a walk. Am not sure how possible this is in the states but I know getting my friends to watch my daughter for an hour every week while I got out for a walk helped a lot.You could even do this when your husband gets home.If possible defer your Masters until the baby is slightly older and has established a better sleeping pattern during the day. Taking care of a new baby and trying to do your Masters is a lot to handle in your fragile mental state. Take care and remember almost every mother goes through this.You will be fine after some time, I promise.

Deanna - posted on 11/12/2012

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I am empathic, and I would like to tell you that it changes, but as soon as you get the sleep thing figured out something else will make you lose your mind. I always prided myself on being a fairly put together, calm and patient person. Unfortunately that is probably not how my kids would describe me. They are 4 and 2:(



On the sleep note, I did find that the book Healthy Sleep Habits for a Healthy Child by Marc Weissbluth to be extremely helpful. You don't have to read the whole thing, as it sounds like you don't have time...but it does help you through the stages.



On the yelling note, think of it this way" you are aware, and you want to change, which will bring about change," you have high expectations and you are stressed out. Taking time for yourself will help on that front, but that said, it is difficult to find the time EVERYDAY!



You are not alone and hopefully that is enough to make you feel better about the situation.



Hope this helps!

Amy - posted on 11/12/2012

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Oh Love. I've been there too. I think I yelled 'Go to sleep" to my babies and rocked their bassinette vigourously. Mine only cat napped during the day to. We are not bad people just sleep deprived and have a lot of work to do ( you also have study on top of everything else). Some people say switch to formula to see if that helps with the sleeping. You can also try starting some baby cereal. Personal choice of course just giving a few tips. Are you able to put your masters on hold? (until he is a year old and see how his sleeping goes as it sounds like you need to lay down and have a rest during the day. Lay with him and you both might get a good snooze.) You're a great mum, he loves you and I'm sure your husband loves you too. I am on medication and have talked to a psychologist. She was very helpful. She suggested that I buy myself a cheap bunch of flowers during the week for all the great work I do. It helps. Invest in a slow cooker and you don't need to stress about meals. I don't have any tips on babies sleeping as mine didn't but you're important to - if you're stressed so is bub so look after you. Hope that helped. Contact me if you want.

Jenni - posted on 11/12/2012

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Congratulations you are a normal mum! So stop being hard on yourself :)

The best mum is a mum who is doing the best at that time not what you expect of yourself!

I think your baby isn't getting enough sleep for he's age and I understand him not sleeping, mine use to do power naps (15mins) so I would go for a walk lol Maybe see a sleep professional to give you some handy hints, some things work and some didn't.



I was a bit like you, I felt I didn't know what my emotions/hormones/whatever you want to call it, I would lose my temper quickly which wasn't me. Recently 3yrs later we found I was B12 deficiently, so much so I now have B12 needles regularly and once it kicked in I no longer have that sensation. It really saved my sanity and the relationship with my family. Please get your B12 checked and I'm not a vegan and I do eat lots of red meat regularly!



Another suggestion is having a new baby who does become demanding with your time and if there is no other friends/family to help you so you can study is can you transfer your study time to part-time to easy up on the pressures. Yes you would like to finish your course sooner rather than later it if it gives you a break and makes everyone happy why not.



Breast milk is great yet when my child went full time to formula she changed dramatically, she was a happier baby, slept better - not that she was a bad baby. Breast is a lighter meal for babies and formula tends to be heavier, another friend also found this to be the case with her child. Also express your milk over night so hubby can feed him, my husband suggested that and he works fulltime including late nights and that one feed was helpful. We still use this technique (hubby getting up) when our child cries so she isn't getting me and hubby tend to put her to bed faster than i ever did lol

Ana - posted on 11/12/2012

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Prob a duplicate comment but most women feel different after delivery. I mean, u have the baby and think ur life is going to go back to being much like the same before pregnancy, but it doesn't. Body changes, emotions change, relationship get stronger or weaker. Advice: get help with the baby. Ask hubby to give u breaks when he gets home. Ask friends to come by ask someone from church or other family members. Also talk with ur Dr. Some baby blues go away with assistance time and rest, others need meds. Do what u have to to remain sain and functional for ur son.

Yolanda - posted on 11/12/2012

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Hey there...

Like all the other mind have been saying - it's ok most of us understand and empathise. I too was studying while pregnant and started having pregnancy complications and decided to defer my studies. I can't imagine how impossible it would be to study with a 4month old - it's difficult enough to go to the bathroom for a minute!!!

So I would recommend deferring if possible but set a date to get back into it so you don't feel like you've just given up and as previously mentioned get someone to look after your son just so you can take a 30min walk or nap... Maybe a babysitter ... You need to be able to have the time to have a complete thought and not be interrupted - otherwise you will feel crazy!

But hang in there - before you know it your boy will be 18yrs old and getting ready to start his own life away from home ... They grow so fast... I try to visualise that when I'm feeling defeated... Stay well and God bless

Jennifer - posted on 11/12/2012

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First off I just want to tell you that you are NOT crazy! I have a 1 year old and have felt that way many times before! I know it is hard but there will always be tomorrow. I think I cry more than my daughter sometimes. If you want a friend to vent to or just to know that you aren't alone message me. I have only been a member for a few weeks but it is nice to know that there is another mom on the other end to talk to. :D

Heidi - posted on 11/12/2012

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I don't have time to read all 8 pages of comments, so I apologize if my suggestion is a duplicate. Can you and your husband afford occasional child care? Is there a neighbor child you could hire to come after school a couple days a week and stay until dinnertime? You could be home, reading, relaxing or doing homework while your little helper plays with and reads to your baby. You get a break, your child is engaged and entertained and you are still there if he needs you. When my first child was born, my niece was 10. She was a godsend. Even a child too young to babysit solo can be a mother's helper. Plus she gets training to become a great babysitter.

Julie - posted on 11/12/2012

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Omg this made me cry i am a stay at mom of 4 who r 8,6,3, and 18 months i feel like i spend more time crying and being fed up then anything else. my husband works fulltime also so the kids house erands ect all fall on me. its months beetween breaks away from the kids and house. one thing that helps me is at night after all the kids r to bed a few nights a week i take a nice bubble bath and jam out on my ipod something about the combo makes me forget about all the things that have gone wrong and all the things i still have to do. none of mine take naps but in the middle of the day after lunch we have dont bug mom time which means all the kids go to their rooms for an hour my 18 month old goes in his crib with a few safe toys but usaully crys i will put on the radio and turn it up to drown them out. at first i felt horriable for doing this but in the end i felt worse for yelling at them all the time cause i was stressed. another thing i ound that makes the day easier and took a ling time and 4 kids to figure out is dont worri about how your house looks as long as there is no safety or heath problems let it go on your husbands days off work together make a list and divide it up. but most of all dont feel bad for feeling this way it

Becky - posted on 11/12/2012

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Sounds like you might have post partum depression. You need to talk to your Dr. NOW. Also, try asking for help. You are working hard and not getting a break- it is okay to ask someone to come take care of the baby for an hour or 2 while you go out to get some coffee or something. . .

Lucia - posted on 11/12/2012

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Do u have a bouncer or swing.....are u sure he doesnt have a gas prob. ? I had The same problem my child wouldnt sleep.......she would only sleep in her bouncer and sometimes swing......stroller sometimes......and she stayed in it To while she slept. my child was gassy......she wasnt breast feed......tried different formulas.....i guess she colicy.....fussy All The time!

Paula - posted on 11/12/2012

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I think you should talk to someone about how you feel, post natal depression is not nice and has a way of creeping up on you , dont be afraid to get help, many woman gothrough it as i did, i dont no how you put baby down for a sleep but try wrapping for security an when you put him down lay a small wheat bag on his back or side so he feels you are still there, he def. Needs to sleep during day at 4 months so he can grow,, if that doesnt work maybe try a front pack so you can still do your study or work, you def need a break sometimes, hopefully you could find someone you trust to help, 1 feed of formula occasionally would certainly not hurt him. I wish you all the best, xxxxxxx

Jeannette - posted on 11/12/2012

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Oh hun I went through the same thing with my little one when she was first born. I made the mistake of trying to ignore it and then almost got into trouble with self medication. If you need to talk it out you can message me kiramaelei@yahoo.com. Lots of love and hope you can get what you need.

Bek - posted on 11/12/2012

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Sounds like you need a huge break... but putting that aside, have you considered that you might have postpartum depression? I had to work with both my children and while my second was an angel and very easy to deal with, my first was awake and active constantly, crying if I put him down, wouldn't sleep at night etc. etc. I didn't know about postpartum then but I think it may have been an issue. I was also working way too hard for someone who had just had a baby, my schedule was nuts and some nights I'd work till 11 or 12 pm and come home to a baby that wouldn't sleep, Then go back to work at 10 or 11 am. On top of that I was moody and yes, yelled at the baby once or twice.



See a doctor about the possibility of postpartum depression.

See if you can lighten your school load for awhile, your baby will feel and respond to your stress.

Can your husband pitch in a few nights a week? Maybe supplement him with formula? You could also express milk for nights that he is on baby duty.

Check with your pediatrician, is your baby getting enough breast milk to fill him up, we discovered with my fist that my breast milk was not enough. When we added formula to his diet he calmed down and started to sleep more like an infant should.

Can you see a doctor about you back, maybe some ways to ease the stress on it?



I'm so sorry, I understand how hard all this is. It's easy to get depressed and feel like you're out of your mind. I don't judge you one bit and no one should. Are the Grandparents close by enough that they could help? Good luck sweety, you're not crazy, just overwhelmed. Take care, hugs.

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You need to head to your doctor. You may not need or want medication, but you really need to look at what can help you immediately start to cope with this. All of the suggestions such as letting him cry it out, etc. can help down the road, but you need to get some help ASAP. There medications that can help with depression, anxiety and even chronic pain (I think cymbalta is one of them) but I urge you to talk to your doctor ASAP. Tell your husband as well. Perhaps just being able to tell him will reduce your stress. While a forum like this is helpful at time, what you are describing is a real issue and needs personal intervention. Not email intervention. Maybe now is NOT the time to get your masters. Maybe you need to be a mom and take care of you:-) so you can finish the masters later and enjoy your life.

Nicole - posted on 11/12/2012

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Heather,

I went through the smae thing you are going through and it seemed like I was in hell. I was diagnosed with a mild form of post partum depression...I urge you to talk to your doctor. No one will judge you and it was honestly the one the only things that helped me. My hubby tried to help as much as he could too, but it was never enough and I cried more times than I can count. Please seek help.

Tammy - posted on 11/12/2012

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Heather, first of all hello and welcome to the world of parenting, there is not right or wrong answer to your problems, I have a couple of suggestion that might help or not.

First pick a time for a nap you say the baby wakes up at 6am I would say by 9am put him down for a nap let him cry it is good for the lungs clears them out so to speak, doctor say that a baby can cry hard for 20 minutes with out it hurting themselves. This is very hard to do you will want to go pick him up but do not, if after 20 minutes the baby is still crying go in and make sure he is alright has a dry diaper give him a kiss and lay him down again and leave the room let him cry for another 20 minutes then go in and make sure he is alright. This is hard to do I know you hate to hear your baby cry but as long as he is in physical danger he will be all right. When he has been in his bed for about an hour let him get up. Now it is 10 am at about 2pm do it all over again a 4 month old baby usually takes at least 2 naps a day and is put to bed at 8pm at the latest.

Keep doing this everyday at the same times, your baby will get use to spending that hour at 9am and 2pm in his bed he will start to fall asleep. I have 7 children and no 2 child is alike . This will become a habit in no time at all, you will find that he will more than likely sleep for a couple of hours giving you the time you need to recharge and do your assignments. Another suggestion let your parents or your husbands parents baby site at least once a week and go do something for yourself it is important to keep you healthy. And I do not like to rely on medication either besides if you are breastfeeding your baby will get what you get.

I hope this helps. And hang in there it will get better.

Tammy Irizarry

Claire - posted on 11/12/2012

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Around 4 months babies are able to learn how to go to sleep by themselves. Get into a routine with naps. After being awake 4or 5 hours he should be tired. Feed him, rock or swing him, short story or song, then lay him down. He may cry at first but once he is use to the schedule he will fall asleep by himself. White noise such as a fan or soft radio will help. Don't keep going in and checking on him you will just reinforce his crying. Do something for yourself while he is resting. My Mom use to go outside with a monitor and weed the garden so she had a beautiful yard. This may take a few weeks for him to get use to a new nap routine, but it is worth it to have an independent sleeper!

Hannah - posted on 11/12/2012

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All first time moms have to learn to control their emotions after the baby is born. Your body has gone through alot of hormonal changes throughout pregnancy and labor. Your mind has been busy learning about your new baby and how to care for him. Your emotions are experiencing love fear and all kinds of emotions in a new way. My advice is take time off from your school. Priorities! If you want to give your very best to your son you need to focus on him and work on yourself. Mentally and emotionally you will never be the same person you were before birth. You need to get to know the "new you". Good luck

Kris - posted on 11/12/2012

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I am a mother of 5 and grandmother of 5 and believe me I know stress and exhaustion. You are not alone. Everyone reaches a point were they are so exhausted especially since your baby is awake so much of the time. I know about putting them down just to wake up on you too. Here are some of the things I did and some of things I ended up having do in my later years as when you have 5 there is no rest for the wicked.



I slept when the baby slept always so if he goes to bed you too mom. Try to see if your school has some daycare you can put him into while you are there and maybe you can keep him there to study on some days too. No mater what you need to find a babysitter so start looking for someone to get you even an hour a day with mommy time. If you are stressed so is your baby which will make him cry all the more. If you can only clean twice a month hire a maid to clean the other 2 weeks. Also you and your husband also need time with each other even if it is only once a month go out and have fun. Nobody expects you to be perfect except you. Try making your expectations of yourself lower and your stress level will come down. Also talk with your doctor. He may be able to help you in many ways; medication, babysitting service, or other ideas on how to reduce your stress. Also your baby is ok to cry in his crib for a couple of minutes turn on the radio in his room. Shut the door and walk to the other end of house, and take a deep breath. Give yourself some time to calm down.



Also one other helpful hint: place a radio under your sons crib and play it loud enough so if you want to check on him later, or drop something loud noises will not startle him awake. He will sleep longer too. This worked great for all of our kids and they could sleep through anything. I hope I have helped you out. If you still need some suggestions please feel free to contact me. Also let me know if I have helped you. I will be thinking about you and hope you find a solution to your baby blues. Good luck

Carmel - posted on 11/12/2012

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You may try introducing formula but check with doctor first. If you are nursing and feeling stressed it is posdible he's not getting enough milk which may be why he wakes so easily when you lay him down after feefing.

Nicole - posted on 11/12/2012

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I have so been there. My son was same way. Woke up every time I layed him down. Things that worked....

1- learn to nurse laying down...lay on ur side n ur bed. Let baby nurse. He will nurse fall asleep and either u can nap with him...or creep away.

2- get baby hammock...it holds baby like they are in sling but u don't have to wear them but baby still feels held and suspended like in womb or ur arms so is comforting.

3-get sling and wear baby. My son would pass out as soon as he hit the sling.

4-use rock and sleeper. Also gives baby sensation of still being held.

5-put him in swing to sleep. Forget cribs. They don't work.

6- persist. It will get easier anmd don't beat urself up about it. Take deep breaths and remeber u r ok and he is ok. this will get easier.

7-see ur doc about post partum depression. I suffered from it and sleep deprivation makes it worse. Lexapro did wonders for me. Really don't be ashamed. Our chemicals get out wack from pregnancy. Sometimes we need a little help getting back in balance.

8- lastly. As toddler to get him to sleep in bed alone. I started laying in bed with him to put to sleep. Then I sat next to him. Then moved away a little more each night. He fussed a little each night. But eventuall I could tell him I'm right outside the door. N he slept alone.

Love ur little boy. Mine is a total lovey boy. Always wanted to be next to me as baby and still does. It is a blessing he is the way he is...its hard now but when he's older ull feel so lucky when other moms kids could care less but urs still loves and cuddles u. :)

Colleen - posted on 11/12/2012

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Is there someone you can have come over and help during the day? A young adult in the neighborhood, your Mom, your sister, a friend...hire a part time nanny. It sounds like a combination of things...you could be suffering from post partum depression in which you should medical advice from a qualified doctor (nothing to be ashamed of; many many women go through it), it also sounds like you're sleep deprived, if you're working on your masters and have a young infant to care for, who's caring for YOU!? Can the Masters be put on hold until your son is a little older; if not, can you find someone to come and help during the times when you have homework to get done? a few hours a day, and perhaps someone to come and help with the household chores so you can have a much needed nap a few times a week too. Perhaps your husband can also help out more, make a few meals a week, chip in on house hold chores to give you a break when he IS home. It's difficult to raise an infant, do a Masters program, take care of the house and everyone in it...in a 24 hour period without going stir crazy! Perhaps you should set up a routine where each part of the day is segmented for a certain activitiy....5-7 a.m. feeding and playtime with your son, 7-8 a.m naptime for both of you, even if he's quitely resting in his crib...that would work for you. You could try putting some safe toys in his crib that will entertain him while you have a much needed break whether that's a short nap, a hot shower or reading a book, mommy time. Reach out to friends, family or the community. Find a support group; if it's needed. Perhaps you can find other mom's in your neighbourhood or community that also have young babies that you can swap babysitting with, or have a play group with. Is it possible for you to work on your Masters part time? You did just have a baby! So it takes an extra year to complete, so what, in the larger scheme of things will that year matter much...probably not. Your sanity and your son's safety are far more important. Talk to your doctor, your family and your husband let them know how you feel; get the help you need. There is nothing to be ashamed of, at all, we all need help from others from time to time. Congratulations on the addition to your family and good luck.

Jo - posted on 11/12/2012

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I think that the first thing you need to do is look at yourself in the mirror every morning and say "I am an awesome mother" you are or you wouldn't even concern yourself about yelling at your baby. Then you need to say "I need to take care of myself, otherwise, I won't be able to take care of my baby" and "I will not feel guilty because I'm doing what's best for my family". Your husband may be tired too, but your hormones are still adjusting and you are still healing....feel good about yourself, because your baby responds to your energy, positive or negative since he doesn't understand words. Give yourself credit for all that you do, and forgive yourself for anything you've done that you don't like....it'll be a lot easier to control how you deal with your emotions when you think that way.

Holly - posted on 11/12/2012

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These are the best group of people! Www.postpartumny.org 855-631-0001 Postpartum Resource Center of New York includes helpline with free and confidential Moms on Call support

Holly - posted on 11/12/2012

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These are the best group of people! Www.postpartumny.org 855-631-0001 Postpartum Resource Center of New York includes helpline with free and confidential Moms on Call support

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