Please do not judge: I need some help.

Heather - posted on 11/09/2012 ( 278 moms have responded )

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Hi! I am new to here, but I really need some help. I am ashamed that I am even at this point, but I don't know what to do. I am crying as I am writing this, because I never imagined it would ever be like this. My husband and I have a 4 month old little boy. He is always happy and usually a pretty calm minded baby. My husband works full time and currently I stay at home, and I am working on my master's full time. I have never had a temper problem, or been super emotional but lately I find my self losing control a lot. For example, my son is very energetic, and very rarely takes naps. He does sleep through the night 11pm- 5 or 6am) but maybe one nap during the day if I am lucky. Most days I am fine, but then some days like today he doesn't nap and here it is 6:00 p.m. and we have been up since 6:00 am with no nap and I am exhausted! I haven't had a break and I then get overwhelmed because I have assignments due everyday. I then find myself yelling at my baby to just go to sleep and then of course he cries more... so I lay him down and try to walk away for a minute but the crying just makes it worse. So I take a deep breath come back and rock him or try to put him to sleep. He will fall asleep in my arms and as soon as I lay him down, he wakes up! I already have problems with my back as I am 5'1 and my 4 month old weighs 20 lbs. and is 28 inches long (he is breast fed). So the constant up and down kills my back which then makes the situation even worse. I do not want this to continue because my husband and I have worked too hard so far to make our son happy and I don't want to screw it up. I hate the idea of taking anxiety medicine for my nerves, but I am not really sure what to do. On these days I cry just as much as he does, and then I resent myself and feel like the worst mother alive... I mean who yells at a 4 month old! My husband tries to help as much as he can, but he has to work so it is just me. Even he doesn't know how stressed I am, because I am so scared he will judge me or think I am crazy. Hell, I think I am crazy. My son means the world to me, and I want to feel better and have more energy to be the best mom I can for him... I just don't know how. Please do not judge me as this was really hard to begin with. I just really need some help, support, love... something. :(

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Kristi - posted on 11/12/2012

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You should be taking a break, calling someone you know to come over. They talk about this in prenatal classes, you can stick his in his crib while you take a break in another room.

Kristi - posted on 11/12/2012

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You should be taking a break, calling someone you know to come over. They talk about this in prenatal classes, you can stick his in his crib while you take a break in another room.

Angie - posted on 11/12/2012

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First of all , YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOM! Ok , now I think you are suffering from some postpartum depression. You need to have some time for you. There is nothing wrong with your baby having some "play time" in his crib when you need a break . He will be fine , if he is fed & changed. He may cry , that's ok . He has to adjust to sometimes comforting himself a little. He will learn , I would say 20min. Is fine. If he stops crying and starts playing than by all means enjoy your break (: Make a date night twice a month if possible for you and your husband! Recharge your batteries & your love life. You aren't just mom & dad , you are a couple. Take care (:

Thema - posted on 11/12/2012

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Hi Heather



I know exactly what you are going thru, I had twins and I thought I was the worst mother on earth as I use to scream at them as well. Up until I thought i was loosing my mind. Don't be hard on yourself. You need help with the baby and you need to rest, no one is a super MOM! Get help from a family member or a friend during the day and have some time to yourself.



Regards

Thema Zulu

Heidi - posted on 11/12/2012

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Hi dear! Looks like you've found plenty of support here with the other ladies. I am a grandmother now, but when I had my first son, a boy. He slept the whole night long, but cried the whole day. No matter what I tried, it rarely worked. But, he loved a bath, being outside and cartoons. I don't suggest to anyone to set their child in front of a tv to passify them. But, I find consistency for any child of any age, helps them to function more normally. If you can try to set a small schedule in your day for activity with your little one, and your studies, etc. that is sure to help out alot. I would suggest if he's 4 months old, try sitting in the warm bath with him, interacting with some tub toys and play music, sing and just enjoy your little one. The bath is sure to relax the both of you. I know how your feeling, and these ladies are right, "Your NOT alone". I feel for all the young mothers and fathers out there who have busy schedules with studies or work,than responsibility of raising children and dealing with the every day hectic lives we are experiencing in these times. No one should judge you, even if they have never had a child of their own. My best wishes to you, your husband and your little one. HUGSSSSSSSSSSS

Donna - posted on 11/12/2012

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Hi Heather, I feel for you. I remember those days. Sometimes you feel as though you are running on fumes. Even at this time (my kids are 6 and 9) I still feel that I give so much of myself to my kids that there is no time for me to nurture myself. I used to have a swing for my son when he was a baby. It was battery operated, had a mobile above that played soothing music, a harness and bright vibrant colors that kept him stimulated but also would be a sure way for him to fall asleep for a nap! It worked like a charm. I would go online and research one. Amazon is a good place to start and you can read reviews about the product too. At least this way you know he is safe, and it would give you the time you need to either study or just relax! Hope this helps, my son was very active as a baby too and still is now!

Alexandra - posted on 11/12/2012

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I also took on school while I was working and had a newborn with two older children. I know EXACTLY what you are describing. You are having a natural reaction to stress. I will tell you that I could not have done it without family helping with the kids and my Mom stepping in even more at the end. I DID eventually take a mild anti-depressive/anti-anxiety med. I was also hesitant to go down that path, but it was the right choice for me and made a big difference. I am no longer on the meds - remember it is a temporary thing. Also remember to schedule time for yourself (consider a babysitter for an hour or two a day). I know you do not feel like you have a minute to spare for yourself, but you will not be as productive or make it in the long run if you don't. I suggest meeting with friends, working on a hobby, or some form of exercise. You may want to consider cutting back on the number of credits you are enrolled in as well. Get yourself taken care of. I also breast feed, but millions of children use formula or supplement with formula and are just as happy. You and he both will be happier at the outset if you are able to relieve some of this stress. You feel as though you must do everything and BE everything to everyone. Balancing school with life successfully is about balance and compromise - letting go of some things for the short term to make it long term. Talk to your husband. Best of luck. I will pray for you.

Anna - posted on 11/12/2012

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Please don't stop breastfeeding, you have done such a great job so far! Why don't you lay down with your son when it's time for a feed, he might fall asleep and you too, which is probably the best thing that could happen to both of you. Also, it does sound like your little bundle is over tired! Both my girls used to take 2 to 3 naps a day and then sleep from 11pm to 5 or 6pm. A routine really helped. When it is time for a nap take him to where he sleeps and make the room abit dark. It takes some time but then he will get the message and know what is expected from him. It will take time, it's not a quick fix but if you stick with it it will work.

Don't beat yourself up, this is an incredibly tough job, especially if you are doing it mostly by yourself. You are not crazy, just over tired, with your hormones going crazy and doing something you have never done before. It will get better but make sure to talk to your husband, you are in this together!!!

One of the best advice somebody gave me was: it is just a phase, it will pass! Good luck and be strong!

Debbie - posted on 11/12/2012

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Your only human, you maybe need to see about a couple of hour child are through the day to help you get your Uni stuff done, your not crazy your just juggling everything around too much, can you defer your masters. For a year until you get yourself into a routine, it's a hard one, I have a son with autism , a teenage daughter, worked and managed to do a masters but I had support and that's what you need, don't feel bad.x

Jlrvs - posted on 11/12/2012

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I have two suggestions for you - and this comes from experience! (I had three sons all one year apart...thought I was losing my mind!)

1. find a "mother's helper" or sitter. You are doubly tense b/c the baby isn't sleeping AND you have important things to get done. If you had 2-3 hours a day a few days a week to focus on your work, you will be less anxious. It is WELL worth the money to have peace of mind and some time to yourself. I lucked out and found a lovely woman who was retired and would come over to help me. She even cooked once in awhile! Or check local colleges or high schools for an afternoon helper. It will help a lot

2. Medication. I know, who wants to take meds every day. But postpartum is a real diagnosis, and there are good medications to help you through. Or even if its not pp, you might just need something to help you. Here's the thing - they will start you on a low dose, and if you don't like it or it doesn't help, you try something else or stop altogether. No harm done. I don't know how this affects breast feeding safety, but your OB can tell you.

Finally - do NOT beat yourself up. Motherhood is crazy tough, and to get a Master's while doing it makes you Superwoman. Your son loves you regardless, and you are being hard on yourself. Try the sitter first, it will REALLY help and worth every penny!!!

Good luck, it will all be fine!

Kelli - posted on 11/12/2012

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I actually remember feeling this way: I remember sobbing next to my son's crib thinking that I couldn't do this again (he was my third ).

The main thing I suggest is see if there is anyone trustworhty and capable who can help you for even an hour. Babies pick up on our stress level, and it becomes a vicious cycle. If someone else can sit with him for an hour you will have a chance to rest and recharge, and so will he. But you should try to be where you can't hear him. Being in the same house while someone you trust cares for him won't relieve your stress if you can still hear I'm cry. Also, take deep breaths and tell your self the things that you know are true, whether you feel them or not; you love that little boy, he is such a treasure, he will grow up so fast you don't want to miss a minute, etc. Reminding yourself of these things will help refocus your mind.

You aren't alone. You and your little man will get through this. I hope this helps. I'm praying that God will put just the right person there to help you.

~Kelli

Miranda - posted on 11/12/2012

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The other ladies are right...we have all been there. As your baby is so heavy and a sling might not be an option, how about a swing? If he sleeps well when you are out, maybe he just likes the movement. Also, don't discount the benefit of noise. My son would never sleep in total silence (because it's not a normal thing during the day at my house). One other thought...my oldest has a really rough time sleeping at night. She would fight it for hours. I talked to a nurse who suggested she was actually over tired and I needed to put her down earlier. It may seem like its too soon to put him down but you would be surprised.

As far as you, get some you time. Start pumping now so you can build up some extra milk, and soon you will be able to get enough to leave him with your hubby for a little while every day if you needed too.

Eve - posted on 11/12/2012

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Okay its time to stop the feeding, you've done it for 4 months now which is great, your baby has got what he needs, right now he needs his mum who is not tired stressed etc. It will benefit you both and you your baby he needs his sleep you need your mind! Bottlefed babies sleeep well and you know they are fed enough. It will let you take a full day off to catch up on work and sleep at night. I think I would have went mad had it not been for my partner doing night feeds and giving me days off at weekends. Stop putting yourself under so much pressure.

Robin - posted on 11/12/2012

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Try to bottle feed he will be fed longer if you are working on the degree. I know that I have postponed school for my kids. get one of those wind up swings it may occupy the baby or a play pen. maybe someone could watch the baby or even your husband on his day off.

Shelley - posted on 11/12/2012

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oh my, this sounds like me when my boy was 4 months.tho i had help from my partner. he now is 5. just to let u know u r not crazy as i thought this too. we took our baby to the doctors and we found out that he had ear infections. so we got help. maybe ur son has ear infections? i would go the doctors and get him checked. aslo talk to ur husband. he will not think u r crazy and he should not judge u. u r husband and wife,

Elizabeth - posted on 11/12/2012

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My neighbor was working on her masters and her husband was in med school when her first was born. They were living in married-student housing, and she just had to let him cry sometimes. One night, the police even came knocking on her door because the neighbors called - they thought something had happened to her because the baby had been crying for so long. Her son is now a brilliant and outgoing 19-year-old who attends an Ivy League school. He's obviously fine from the experience. Cut yourself some slack and know that you're not alone.



Oh, and my daughter used to always wake up when we put her down. We started using a small electric heating pad to heat up her bed before we put her down (removed the heating pad when she was in the bed, of course) and it really, really helped. I think she was shocked awake while going from our warm arms to her cool bed. Just a thought.

Jenipa - posted on 11/12/2012

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Every mother does the best that they know how...everything that you are feeling is completely normal...you are stressed by the sounds of things and everything that you feel your little man feels as well...maybe you need to take a step back for a moment and just enjoy being a mum and enjoy your little boy...he will grow up so fast and then you will wonder what happened...children are the biggest gift in life and we need to give them their biggest gift in life and that is a mothers love and time...

Lizzie - posted on 11/12/2012

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I found my wee boy didn't like sleeping in a bassinet and slept better around people, we bought a baby hammock to have in the lounge, and where we placed him I was able to sit on the couch ( rest) while bouncing it slightly till he fell asleep! Worked really well. He also stopped liking being wrapped. At night we put the hammock in our bedroom. If you find yourself really tired one way that helped me was lying in my bed with him breast feeding and we both nodded off.

Christine - posted on 11/12/2012

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Relax, you are not alone, get hold of relatives and have them help you out a often as possible and this will help you relax.

Gricel - posted on 11/12/2012

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Hey Heather. TOTALLY UNDERSTAND!! Things will get better, TRUST ME.Im a SAHM, Full time student, have two kids (2, 5yrs) there were times I felt the same way... Btw, I also have a very supportive husband. But I find that taking a day off for myself once or twice/month and going out for a walk/fresh air helps...Your baby is probably not taking naps because he is hungry...after he eats lunch try giving him a 4-6oz bottle (formula) then put him down for a nap. When putting him down to sleep try not to carry him instead just lay next to him(tht will help him feel secure) and take advantage of tht opportunity to rest n relax. I will also suggest setting a bedtime schedule for your son at an earlier time between (7-8pm) and that will give you sometime to take care of your school work and/or spend quality time with hubby.... Best wishes hun and NO you don't need meds this is completely "normal" I think this is a test all dedicated mothers are destined to go through & remember motherhood is challenging NOT impossible....



Stay Strong!!



PS: You are feeling burnt-out. It's important you talk to your husband about your feelings and be honest about it...

[deleted account]

Along with having too much pressure on yourself already . . . Your hormones are going through

So much too! I am a 61 y/o Mom, Grandma, foster and adoption Mom. Not always right but would love to give assistance. Have you had a good physical .(labs and all) since you baby was born.? Sometimes our thyroid gland gets out of whack when we are in the perinatal era.

It would be good to talk honestly with your doctor. Post Partum depression can get real bad

Before you even acknowledge it!



Can you take time off from the thesis? This time is a time that is so very important that you bond to him, and he to you. Time goes by so fast.



When you're suffering from sleep deprivation . . . It's pretty have total charge of another's life too!

Hoping all turns out for you. You need rest too, my dear, or you won't feel good!



Sending love and light,



Denise

Elsa - posted on 11/11/2012

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The baby senses your tension and anxiety!!! Trust me. I have 4, but thankfully never had an issue with naps. Sleeping thru the nite was an issue with at least one if them for a few months, but no biggie. My oldest is 19 and my youngest us 2. My oldest was the most difficult as an infant as she was colic! But around 6 mos. That disappeared and things were smooth. Ask your dr for an anti anxiety med for now and see if it helps for you and the babe. Good luck.

Elise - posted on 11/11/2012

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I suggest putting an article of your clothing that has been worn by you recently,but not dirty,in the bassinet or crib where your baby sleeps. The smell of you is important to an infant,and if it smells like mommy is still next to him it may make all the difference in the world. Make sure he is fully fed and absolutely not hungry before putting him down. You will be sorry if he suckled a little and fell asleep. He needs a full tummy and don't be afraid to nuzzle him awake for him to finish nursing before putting him down. Good wishes, and do NOT feel judged...lol you are very normal!!!!

Rebecca - posted on 11/11/2012

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Firstly, you aren't a bad mum as you are asking for help & trying to do something about it. Secondly, this will get better. Feeds will start to get dropped, he'll start sitting up & entertaining himself & you'll start to find a rhythm in it all. Thirdly, well done for breastfeeding, it is a sacrifice but really worth it for with of you.

Suggestions. 1. Put things in your day to break it up. Walk. A coffee with a friend. A food shop.

2. If you haven't already, find a mother & baby/toddler group. Something regular where you can talk to other mum's in the day, it takes a while to build new relationships & earn trust but it pays off in the end. Most if us feel & experience the same things at one point or another & being real with someone you trust makes you realise you are not alone in this.

3. Its a big one & will take courage, tell your husband. He is in this too. He will pick up something is wrong but will not know the cause & that's how division starts. You need him on your side, even if its to hold you while you let it all out with a good cry.

4. Is there a friend you can do a childcare swap with, they have your baby for a few hours one day & you have theirs for a few hours another? Or can you take a deferment in your studies until he is a little older?



My little one so hated being at home without her sister that i went food shopping virtually every day after the school run, she just wanted to very around people all the time. If i had her at home she would do all the things she shouldn't to get my attention, i couldnt do housework or work on the computer as there'd be so much fussing & mess to sort out after, not to mention an unhappy child, so for a season I've had to get housework go. Now she's a little happier staying on her own it does free me up a bit more. Motherhood changes as quickly as the seasons, the trick is to learn to adopt with them... Not always easy but look for something good in each day to keep you positive. Sometimes when things feel so relentless & trapping its hard to remember what a privilege it us to hold a new life un your hands. You've done the mist amazing thing in the work bringing a new life in to it, its s wonderful privilege to be able to teach, train & put good things in to that person.

All the best with it, Rebecca.

Omosaiye - posted on 11/11/2012

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Do you know what?vyou aare not crazy my dear sister,alll you need is anytimee your bbaby is taking his nap please do rest as well to release your tension.if not it will turn yyou into something else.it is well with you and your family.

Melissa - posted on 11/11/2012

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Defer your study until your son is older. You cannot give him the attention he deserves, study and look after yourself and your husband and your home- and keep your sanity. Something gives.

Even though babies are little you can't just park them in the corner or expect them to sleep because you have a full time study load. Enjoy the time while he is little and give him good quality attention and you'll feel much happier. Study will be there later, his childhood won't.

Sarah - posted on 11/11/2012

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I know exactly how you feel I actually teared up reading your post cause I used to feel the exact same way.... I still have days when I do but I feel a lot better now especially since I broke down and told my husband what was going on he fully supported me and once he understood what was going he was able to help in different ways that he wasn't before and just knowing that I had his support relieved a lot of my stress. I really hope everything gets better if you ever need someone to talk to please know that you have people here who will listen and help in anyway try can and if you want someone to talk to I am willing to lend an ear. I know how it can be my husband is army so it's hard not having anyone! Hope it gets better

Rhonda - posted on 11/11/2012

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For one my dear you are not getting enough sleep. I would say you are getting 7 hours if your lucky. That isn't enough. You say your baby sleeps 11-5 or 6. Babies should sleep more than that also. Either more through the night or with a nap. Do you have family or a real good friend that could take care of your child for just a couple hours in the day. That could get at least you some sleep so you can be more relaxed with your baby. You not having sleep and having a little anxiety could be the reason why the baby isn't taking a nap through the day.

Michelle - posted on 11/11/2012

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I'm no expert, but the best advice anyone ever gave me is that sleep begets sleep. From the sound of it, bubs seems to be overtired, hence the crying and being unsettled. I know it's hard, iv been there twice, but the best thing I ever did was teach my kids to self settle so that they didn't get themselves into a state! I started by placing them down as soon as they fell asleep in my arms, then slowly weaned them to patting then it did take a few days of crying, but not much. I also went with 'up for 2, down for 2'. At 4 months, he should probably only be up a few hours at a time. It takes time and patience, but well worth it. I could never sleep when my kids did, but with my second, I decided that life could wait and when she slept, I just watched some tv or read a book because it's so important to rest for your own sanity!

Ilene - posted on 11/11/2012

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Hi Lynda: I'm so glad it worked for you. For me, it was a living nightmare. However, at the time, we did not know our child was frustrated by a disability, so, I'm thinking that was part of the problem. Crying it out is the old school way of thinking, but, if it works, I say, go for it!

Lynda - posted on 11/11/2012

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To Ilene yes it did work it did take time two weeks but after the first three or four days it got shorter and shorter ( the crying) and then she just got on a regular schedule and started falling asleep at night and for naps

Elsa - posted on 11/11/2012

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I agree with Donnalynn. In addition, it may help if you go to school part time for now or just take a semester off altogether. Sounds like you really need a break and some quality time with your baby. But do see your doctor and maybe a therapist if the doctor deems it necessary. Good luck hun!!

Melissa - posted on 11/11/2012

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Hang in there, Heather! Things will get better. Once he is 6 mos you will see a turn around. Don't feel bad, most of us moms have been there. you are taking on alot being the sole caretaker and taking classes. Give yourself a pat on the back and if you need to take time off of school, it will always be there when you are ready

Donnalynn - posted on 11/11/2012

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Before another day passes, please call your doctor and get a physical checkup ASAP including bloodwork. Tell your doctor what is going on. You need to be checked out for post-partum depression. It is more common than you think and it is nothing to be ashamed of. Your body has gone through drastic changes in the last few months and your hormones may still be out of whack. If the physical shows nothing, then you need to find someone to talk to - a therapist, pastor, rabbi, another mother of young children. Look for a local MOPS group. They are a godsend. They can provide a sounding board as well as other kind of help.

Ilene - posted on 11/11/2012

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Hey Lynda: Did this work for you? My doctor told me to let my son cry all night. He cried until 7:30 in the morning and finally fell asleep when it was time for us to get up. Of course, I spent the night crying too. It didn't work anyway, he cried the next night and the next, etc.......

Lynda - posted on 11/11/2012

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My daughter was the same way she did not want to take a nap. A friend told me to lay her Down and walk away yes he will cry and he will cry for some time just ignore him if he is fed and his diaper is clean u know he is ok he will go to sleep and every day he will cry less and less. Trust me I k ow its hard to listen to them cry but if you do t you will go crazy but you are not alone trust me there are a lot of first time parents that have this problem

Tracy - posted on 11/11/2012

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Your not the worst mother alive. First off if your son falls asleep with you holding him maybe he just needs movement to sleep. My younger son was that way, he is now 12. We fould that if we put him in a baby swing he would sleep just fine but as soon as we took him out and put him in his crib he would wake and cry and never get back to sleep. So we asked his doc what to do and she told us why are you taking him out of the swing just let him sleep in the swing thru the night. She asked if he could get hurt in the swing and we said no so she said then leave him be. So we did and we all got the sleep we all really needed. Hope this helps. Good luck.

Yael - posted on 11/11/2012

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Yes, libraries, synagogues, churches, homeschool groups are a great resource to find mother's helpers. And you can find local homeschool groups in your area online. Where do you live? If you're in my area I could help you out a bit until you find a mother's helper. You are not alone.

Ilene - posted on 11/11/2012

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First of all, count your blessings that you have a normal baby. I am the mother of an adult son who has Cerebral Palsy and who did not nap very well or sleep through the night until he was 12 years old. He also cried almost day and night. Talk about going out of my mind. My husband was in graduate school and we lived in a one bedroom apartment with our son sleeping in the dining area, so, it was up to me to keep him quiet while my husband studied or slept. Life was a nightmare for the first year of my son's life until he got his own bedroom. As a baby, I used to sit on the floor by his swing in the middle of the night and kept rewinding it, with him in it, so that he would sleep. Do you have a swing for Braeden? I understand that the swings today run longer than the old ones and that you do not have to keep winding them. The motion should put him to sleep. I also put him in his carriage and pushed it with my foot, back and forth, while I lay in my bed, trying to sleep. Also, is it possible to hold him in your arms while you study? The closeness may help him nap. Can you take a break and take him for a ride? The motion of the car always puts little babies to sleep for awhile. Maybe if the weather is nice, you can ride, and, while he is sleeping, you can pull over at a park or nice area and do your studying there. I used to run a vaccuum cleaner next to my son's crib while he took a nap. The sound of the vaccuum lulled him to sleep for as long as it was on. As soon as I turned it off, he woke up. Needless to say, we wore out a small vaccuum cleaner over the first year of his life....but it worked! I was willing to try anything, so, maybe these things will work for you. Believe me, I was so stressed that there were days I didn't comb my hair, much less take a shower. My son looked like a permanent growth on my shoulder for many months; it was the only way he would stop crying. I sympathize with you, but, know, that this shall pass.

Tracey - posted on 11/11/2012

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Oh, I was going to say the same thing as Yael! Mothers' helpers are great. Try finding a homeschooled teen, because they are usually home during the day or at least have a greater possibility of being home during the day than kids in formal schools, and they are almost always self-starters and easily able to take responsibility. Libraries can usually put you in touch with homeschool groups in your area. You can also try contacting local synagogues/churches and seeing if they have a youth group and see if the leader knows of any group members to recommend.

Lisa - posted on 11/11/2012

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I have been exactly where you are but my exhusband was useless and never helped, So I had to get out and meet people and make friends which I found very daunting. I first joind baby ryme time at the local library and then post natal group. Made some very good friends and when I felt I couldn't cope it was them I turned to. My son was also a very hungry baby so I put him on baby porridge earlier than I should have and the last feed of the day I used to give him a carton of sma milk that worked wonders as the cartons are thicker. Trust me this time will pass but you do need a support network in place. X

Yael - posted on 11/11/2012

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I was in a similar situation. I got on lexapro which is safe for breastfeeding. I breastfed both my boys till 2 years old. It made things much better. Lexapro might not work for you. Your family doctor can start you on something and if it doesn't work you can try something else. Lexapro is very good for anxiety though. If you can afford it, try to get a teenager as a mother helper for an hour or 2 a day. You don't have to pay them much as they are young. It will also be good for your son to get used to being with someone else. You are still in the house but you can go take a bath, a nap, or do your school work. We are not judging you. We are all moms and it's the hardest job ever. Please make an appointment for your family doctor of OBGYN ASAP and start taking medication. You don't have to be on the medication forever. And you should tell your husband how you feel. There is no shame in that.

Tracey - posted on 11/11/2012

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Do *not* feed him cereal. It's now known that babies don't develop the enzymes needed to fully digest grains until nearly 2 years old, and this inability to digest grains is thought to be a possibility of being behind a lot of modern diseases that were not seen when egg yolk was the recommended first baby food.



And a baby who needs additional food would not be sleeping through the night. This is not a food problem, folks. Some babies are just like that. All three of mine were. Slept through the night--meaning many hours in a row for all of us! But it also meant they didn't nap. Ever. Unless we were in the car in the late afternoon, and then I could get them to nap for around 20 minutes or so. You might try that, Heather: pop him in the car around 4 p.m. and run an errand, if you can find one. I always wished I had some kind of voice-activated recorder so I could "write" by recording while driving my sleepy babies around, or at least make notes so I could write later.

Erin - posted on 11/11/2012

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Hi, please don't feel alone.

I'd recommend talking to your pediatrician. It's been a while since I had a 4 month old, so I'm not sure how much they are supposed to be sleeping, but I'm guessing your son isn't sleeping enough. You could try sleep training (or give it a couple more months and do it, I trained my daughter at 7 months) for naps or as someone suggested, letting him sleep in the car/carseat/swing. You might want to check out a couple of books on sleep training though, there are many out there and many different ways to do it (I think I used sleep tight or something by Kim West (I stayed with my daughter and gradually moved farther away from the crib). I'd proceed cautiously though since he is sleeping through the night! Your pediatrician can also be your first step in determing if you need more help as well or have suggestions on local groups you can join for support (see below).



Don't feel like you have to hold him all the time. If he's happy, give him tummy time with some toys. Put him in the bouncer/swing. Take him for a walk, then leave him in the stroller while you read (even if the stroller's parked in the living room). If you need a break, put him in the crib. Even if he's crying, no baby was ever hurt in the crib from crying.



Next time your hubby has a day off, prep some meals for the freezer (lots of ideas out there), whatever you can do ahead of time will take the pressure off during the week. Forget cleaning. Keep one bathroom clean, buy some clorox wipes to wipe down the kitchen counter, and buy some disposable dishes. Don't waste time doing dishes (even the disposable aluminim pans for the meals you'll make). On Monday or Tuesday, your husband can sweep/vacuum/mop if he so wishes.



Most importantly, join a MOMS Club. MOMS Club is an international non-profit organization that stands for MOMS OFFERING MOMS SUPPORT. If you can't find one (at momsclub.org) then try MOPS or go to meetup.com or bigtent.com and search for a moms club/moms group, etc. The club that I was a part of had a babysitting co-op also. If you go to church, ask for help, ask for meals or house cleaning, or just for someone to come over and watch the baby once in a while. I know school is important, but if it's not too late, maybe drop a class (or don't register for so many next semester). Or do any of your classmates have a baby, maybe you guys could switch and hour every week just to get a break??



Good luck!

Pam - posted on 11/11/2012

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Feed him cereal. At that weight he is hungry and not getting enough food. My son was big like that and would get cranky because he was still hungry. You are overwhelmed but having a husband who helps is great. Do you have any friends or family around that could come over for a little while to allow you some down time? Or a teenager that might be free to help for a little bit for a low rate oteer for barter? Good luck with your degree and stay strong. Hope this helps.

P - posted on 11/11/2012

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I been reading these things for 3 years now and yours is the first one I felt compelled to reply to because I could've written your post myself... both 3 years ago with my first and again a year ago with my second... now I can reply EXACTLY as Kristy Linnhoff did!!! I struggled through the first child and just lost it completely with the second. In tears almost every day, my nerves and patience were shot. I kept thinking once the baby slept though the night and I was getting enough rest, it would get better but for me, it was more than that...

First, very begrudgingly, with the encouragement of friends (who are in psych fields) and my husband, I started therapy... then when that only sorta worked after a few months, I finally gave in to TRYING the meds... they made a WORLD of difference!!

You may not be in the exact same situation however as Kristy said, it's worth thinking about/looking into.

I also at the same time as the therapy/meds finally got my network of mom's/friends/nanny/daycare/babysitters set up... ALL MOM'S NEED TO TAKE TIME FOR THEMSELVES!!!

Please take care of yourself and you can be better at taking care of that sweet baby of yours.

Nicole - posted on 11/11/2012

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I don't know if someone has already said this, but it does get better/easier as baby gets older.



I know it is not the same experience...but a mild example. I love to sew and had so many ideas after my last -4th- baby was born. But with working right after having her...and had c-section...and taking care of her...time consuming breastfed angel :) .... I had no time for anything. Did I mention no sleep for the first year of her life? I was not blessed with her sleeping through the night until she was a year old. BUT sometime about when she was 6 months old I got to sit down at my machine and get to work. After several different times of doing it I realized that things had just gotten easier for me. I just had to be patient.

The homework may not be able to wait but the housework can....as you have discovered I am sure. Just be patient and take whatever breaks and help you can get. I have even had friends over to sit with me so I could clean house....what a blessing they were!!!



And to repeat what everyone has said...you are quite normal!!! We do all get stressed and we do all make mistakes. And as moms we don't like to admit it because we think it makes us bad parents.

Grats on having a baby AND working on school!!! Plus the full time job of being a stay at home mom!!!! You are truly a good example for those struggling to decide between one or another!!!

Tracey - posted on 11/11/2012

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That sounds just like my kids: they would sleep through the night, but would take *no* naps.

f

Do you have a baby wrap? Not a sling, but a wrap? Discovering them with my last changed my life. I wish I'd known about them with my first two! The baby can fall asleep on you as needed, nurse as needed, and you have both your hands free the entire time! My youngest was/is the happiest child. You can even bend over while wearing your baby. And I'm your height. I know most slings are made for taller people, and one-shoulder styles hurt my back. A wrap allows you to tie it in whatever way distributes the baby's weight best.



The next thing I learned with my third baby is that Hyland's Teething Tablets are the bomb. They sound like quackery. They aren't. They are wonderful. They help the baby's teeth come through faster; they cut the pain and anxiety and drooling. If your baby is starting to teeth, he will be feeling uncomfortable and probably scared, since little babies primarily learn about the world via their mouths, and now his mouth hurts. If he's drooling more than he used to, he may be teething.



The other thing that really helped me, starting with my first, was explaining to my husband that I could not even pee while he was gone without the baby crying. I couldn't eat easily (because I had only one hand with the first two). I told my husband I just really needed at least 20 minutes to myself, no matter what the baby did. He needed to be "on duty" for that time because I was on duty the rest of the day and night. And once in awhile--especially later that first year--I needed him to be on duty for two or three hours or later 6 hours at a time. I just needed a break from having to be attentive to every single tiny thing about my son.



I hope that helps! My drooling, couldn't-live-without-me-for-a-second son is now a 16-year-old football-playing honor student/high IQ math whiz. He's never been too macho to hug his mom, and he loves to cuddle up with me and watch Downton Abbey. And then go knock guys down playing football. I love both sides of him! But he wouldn't let me put him down without crying when he was tiny, and he slept through the night from the start. My other two were the same way. It's hard, I know how hard. But keep at it. The results are so worth it!

Sandi - posted on 11/11/2012

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Millions of people can have a family AND still be good parents, it has nothing to do with her situation. She is asking for help to aide her in the current situation. Please don't tell her that her choices are wrong, as every situation is different

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