PLEASE, does anyone have ANY suggestions AT ALL???

Chantel - posted on 03/14/2009

Quoting Toni:

yep your not the right person to be looking after children get another job

Gee, Now there's a helpful suggestion!! Here's one for you. Your not the right person to give advice, find another post. You can't tell me what I can and can't do based on a post on a website that doesn't give all the information to make that kind of decision. I have a bad day and ask for some suggestions and that makes me bad at what I do? So you have good days all day every day?? Good for you!!

As for everyone else, Thank you very much for the help. Since a lot of things are starting to get repeating I'm going to end this conversation, but I would like to say a few things first.

His mom has old me to let him cry it out so its just a matter of me being able to do that which is hard because he doesn't stop ever!! lol. As for the suggestions to carry him around... no way. He's not my kid and I have my own little girl that I don't carry around so he'll have to learn. He can walk too. I am trying the peek a boo thing but he's not a big fan of that game!! :) I do try to give them the same amount of attention which is hard because he wants all of it and screams if Breanna gets near me. His mom has told me that he's a handful at home too but he does seem to enjoy it here so we are going to work together on it.

Thanks again everyone!! I'll keep you posted!!

Carole - posted on 03/14/2009

I know a 13 month old who is like this with her mom.  She cries for her if she leaves the room and she sleeps with her in bed. I suggest that u let him scream.  I would put him in a crib for a nap and shut the door and let him scream.  It will be hard at first but if you stick with it everyday the screaming time will be less and less.  It is ashame that the mother did this to him.  I feel that way about the little girl I know, she is the one suffering because of it.  Good Luck!

Ally - posted on 03/14/2009

Quoting Corrine:

Quoting Tamara:

Quoting Nicole:

I'd suggest getting on the same page with the mom and explaining that he is like this because he is spoiled. When he gets like this you both need to start putting him in a seperate room in a play-pin with toys and a blanket and just shut the door and let him cry himself to sleep. Make sure that he has been fed and has a clean diaper so you know nothing is wrong. For awhile its going to be hard but it will get much easier. I made the mistake of spoiling my son and after about a week of trying this when he's put in his play-pin he immediatly either goes to sleep or plays with his toys. It works great. You just have to have the patience to follow thru with it everytime.

With all due respect, that is borderline abusive.  An 13 month old still does not have the verbal ability to tell you that something is wrong.  His cries are the only way to let you know that there is something amiss even if its something as simple as "I'm lonely, I'm bored, I'm tired, etc."  It's your job to respond to those cries and not ignore them by shutting him in a room alone.

i dont think that this "abuse" at all! if the child is fed and has a clean diaper, and not going to hurt himself in anyway in the pack n' play, then i see no problem with it. i've had to do the same thing with my son many times!! if he does something he knows hes not suppose to, (play with the computer, hit, bite, throw toys) then he gets to sit in time out for 1 minute. if he gets up out of time out, he is put right back and his time starts over. we have actually only been doing this for a couple days and he has learned. so he sits in the time out corner, and covers his face. then wen his time is up, we tell him and he gets up and plays like nothing happened. if the mother of the boy has givin you permission to do whatever you think will work, then do whatever you think will work!!!! my son went thru a stage of hitting, everytime he hit i took his hands and calmly told him "hitting is not nice, hitting hurts mommy, no more hitting" i mean, there were times we spent 15-20 minutes of me holding his hands, talking to him, letting go, he hit me, i take his hands, talk to him and so on....he doesnt hit anymore. taking naps with the kid? i think thats a little over doing it! my son has NEVER slept in the same bed/room as me and my hubby. first day he was brought home from the hospital, he was in his own crib in his own room. if he didnt wanna go to bed at bedtime...even now....i let him cry it out. it just makes his lungs stronger!

I def agree with tamara..i would never let my child just scream when she just wanted to be near me regardless of whether her physical needs are met you aren't meeting their emotional needs and simply aren't doing your job as a parent by doing this to a young child just cuz its convenient for you!  having you baby in a crib in a room away from you from day one is not a great idea either by sleeping/napping with your child it teaches them that they are part of the family and they form stronger attachments compared to non cosleepers...no other mammal in the world puts their newborns out of arms reach at night...its instinctual to go to a crying baby. It doesnt make their lungs stronger it teaches them that mommy wont be there for me when i want/need her so ill just give up...thats pretty sad that people are treating children this way

Melissa - posted on 03/13/2009

I watch a 9 month old that used to do the same thing.  He is an only child and mom caters to him a lot.  When I walk away from him, and he cries, I just call his name.  He has gotten used to me leaving the room now.  He knows that I will be back.  At naptime, I lay him in the playpen with a bottle.  He falls asleep on his own. I would let him cry to sleep before.  Mom still nurses him until he falls asleep.  Hope that helps!

Toni - posted on 03/13/2009

yep your not the right person to be looking after children get another job

Jaime-Lynne - posted on 03/13/2009

Quoting Tamara:

With all due respect, that is borderline abusive.  An 13 month old still does not have the verbal ability to tell you that something is wrong.  His cries are the only way to let you know that there is something amiss even if its something as simple as "I'm lonely, I'm bored, I'm tired, etc."  It's your job to respond to those cries and not ignore them by shutting him in a room alone.

whoa! her suggestion is in no way borderline abusive.  the baby would be in a safe secure place, be fully fed, and clean. 
It is not her job to respond to behaviour like that, it's the mother who should be putting a stop to it.
He should not be getting physical with anybody, or screaming when she leaves a room, that's just being a brat.


Chantel you should tell the mother to fix his behaviour or you wont be able to look after him anymore.

Nicole - posted on 03/13/2009

Child feels insecure, try a snuggly.  It will pass.  Try and be patient.  Explain to him you'll be right back, he probably thinks your aren't comming back.

Jacque - posted on 03/13/2009

I think the best thing to do is to give him some jobs to do,like passing the baby wipes and little things to make him feel important, and lots of praise.explain this is my time when you go 2 the toilet and his time when he goes 4 a nap.

Dorinda - posted on 03/13/2009

Let him scream! His mom might not like it but I promise IT WON'T HURT HIM! Soon he will figure out that you are not going to give into his every WANT!!! Needs are different!

I have a feeling that he is an only child!? Which if that is so, he is fighting for your attention!

Kristi - posted on 03/13/2009

My oldest son acts this way. He is very clingy and he does not like his baby brothe rto get any attention from me. I have found that including him in the activities helps and also telling him where I am going before I go seems to help. It does get better as they get older but some kids are just more needy. Just hang in there are you will find something that works. I will tell you though the calmer you stay the calmer he will stay. He will feed off your your mood. Just have patience with him and try to explain the situation as best you can. Good luck!

Dawn - posted on 03/13/2009

carrying him around sounds like a bit much.  you may just have to let him cry and eventually he'll see that you are coming back and there was nothing to worry about.  Try just leaving the room for a couple of seconds at a time and make a game of it(like a mini hide and seek) make it fun for him.

Becky - posted on 03/13/2009

My babysitter went through this and just finally had to quit sitting for him. If you aren't going to get any help from his mom then you are in a tough battle. Most likely she packs him around all the time & let's him sleep with her...this causesf MAJOR seperation anxiety.

Stephanie - posted on 03/13/2009

Quoting Tamara:

Quoting Nicole:

I'd suggest getting on the same page with the mom and explaining that he is like this because he is spoiled. When he gets like this you both need to start putting him in a seperate room in a play-pin with toys and a blanket and just shut the door and let him cry himself to sleep. Make sure that he has been fed and has a clean diaper so you know nothing is wrong. For awhile its going to be hard but it will get much easier. I made the mistake of spoiling my son and after about a week of trying this when he's put in his play-pin he immediatly either goes to sleep or plays with his toys. It works great. You just have to have the patience to follow thru with it everytime.

With all due respect, that is borderline abusive.  An 13 month old still does not have the verbal ability to tell you that something is wrong.  His cries are the only way to let you know that there is something amiss even if its something as simple as "I'm lonely, I'm bored, I'm tired, etc."  It's your job to respond to those cries and not ignore them by shutting him in a room alone.

I disagree that this is abuse. At 13 months there is a difference in an  "i want attention cry" and an "i'm hurt cry". I did this with my daughter & my niece it worked amazingly and in a short amount of time. Just be sure he can not hurt himself where ever you choose to put him while he calms down.

Jeannette - posted on 03/13/2009

I definately agree that the child's mother need to be on board. Does she always enjoy napping with him and carrying him around? She might be ready for a change too. I used the cry it out method because I was so exhausted with having to lie down with my son (he is now one year) and holding him all the time. He was a very needy baby. I would dread putting him down for fear that he would wake up right away. I followed most of the advice in the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weisbluth. Maybe his mother should read it.  My son is confident and rarely makes strange with people. He recently started day care and the caregiver says he does not fuss when I am gone and his nap is comparable to what he takes at home.

Does his mother feel guilty for leaving him and tries to make up for it when she is working?

It sounds like this will take a lot of time and consistancy. i bet in the end he will behave better and nap better for you than his mother if you stick with it. Be consistant with your rules (ie no hitting) No, means no. if you chose to make a rule, follow through with it.

Good luck!

Nancy - posted on 03/13/2009

I understand how hard this is on you. It's very stressful to have to deal with a baby that has separation issues. ... but... some of the posters are acting as if it's his fault or that he needs to be punished for this. He's ONLY 13 months old. That is still very much a baby. I know my heart would bleed if I knew my little one was in such distress. The best advice I can give is to have empathy that this poor little guy is in a strange situation with different rules, different faces and cant run to his mommy if he's sad, lonely or frustrated. 

1. work with the other mom on naptime rules so she can practice at home. She surely doesnt want her baby crying and miserable all day long, I'm sure she would do all she could to help him adjust.

2. be loving but firm.

3. give him activities that will distract him long enough to let you run to the bathroom

4. lulluby cd idea previously posted is awesome! ... so is the photo of mom idea! I would definately try these.

5. if he has a special blanket or toy in his crib at home, ask that she bring them with her so he has a comfort item.

6. try to sit with him and your daughter and play together. When I had a daycare baby in my house I always made sure to 'stagger' nap time so when one is down the other can have one on one time.  daycare days were short enough for me that I could devote my attention to the babies and worry about housework after he was picked up. Sometimes I would put them both in highchairs in the kitchen with me with different foods to try and (play) with... so I could get all of my dishes etc done.

I

t's going to take a little time to get this baby to feel 'at home' enough to relax and take a nap. crying usually just brings on more crying. once they get worked up it's really hard to calm them....  I know as a grown woman, If something gets me crying, sometimes I end up crying because I started crying in the first place. haha...    Good luck.   

Anita - posted on 03/13/2009

If his Mom can't help you deal with the behavior while he is with your daughter, then it may be time to tell the Mom to find a new babysitter! Just a thought! But other then that try showing him that his down time is your daughter's attention time and that she needs you probably more then he does!

Sarah - posted on 03/13/2009

Some children are more sensitive than others... When my son won't go to sleep (he's 11 months old) - it's usually because he was having too much fun and is hurt that I'm putting him by himself (even if he's EXHAUSTED).  I put him in a pack 'n' play in my bedroom and if  he's upset, I won't pick him up.  I think that it's just reinforcing his behavior - at this age, I think he's already learning to, for lack of better word, manipulate the situation.  He'll learn that if he cries and screams for ANY reason - I'll pick him up, which will just make it worse.  Typically I'll lay on the bed in the same room and pretend to be asleep.  He'll know that he's not alone, but that I'm not going to pick him back up.  He usually plays for a few minutes to calm himself down/relax and fall asleep.  Some days it takes longer than others.  I realize that you are in a different situation because you are babysitting, but I hope that helps a little...  Also - I have a harder time putting him to sleep if he's "overtired" or has had too much activity for the day.  It sounds like the little one is stressed out, which may attribute to him having trouble sleeping.  I know it would probably be hard for you - since you may not get a break - but it might be easier to do nap times at different times for a bit so that he's getting the one-on-one he seems to crave...  Hope this helps!!!

Katrina - posted on 03/13/2009

Could it possibly be a medical condition?? Maybe he has real fears that his brain cannot comprehend when you close that door. Has his mother talked to a doctor about this and looked for help from outside resources?? Maybe even look online for behavioral conditions and see if he fits into any of them. If his mother is really wanting to try anything and nothing has worked yet - this might be the best route for all those involved.

Lori - posted on 03/13/2009

Quoting Amy:

Quoting Tamara:

Quoting Nicole:

I'd suggest getting on the same page with the mom and explaining that he is like this because he is spoiled. When he gets like this you both need to start putting him in a seperate room in a play-pin with toys and a blanket and just shut the door and let him cry himself to sleep. Make sure that he has been fed and has a clean diaper so you know nothing is wrong. For awhile its going to be hard but it will get much easier. I made the mistake of spoiling my son and after about a week of trying this when he's put in his play-pin he immediatly either goes to sleep or plays with his toys. It works great. You just have to have the patience to follow thru with it everytime.

With all due respect, that is borderline abusive.  An 13 month old still does not have the verbal ability to tell you that something is wrong.  His cries are the only way to let you know that there is something amiss even if its something as simple as "I'm lonely, I'm bored, I'm tired, etc."  It's your job to respond to those cries and not ignore them by shutting him in a room alone.

I'm going to have to disagree with you here. Letting a child cry and work through a problem on their own is NOT abusive in any way. If she left him on the balcony so she didn't have to hear him or spanked him or just completely ignored all of his needs, THAT would be abusive. As long as he is safe and his basic needs (clean diaper, food, blanket or other comfort object) are taken care of, there is no need for her to come every time he cries.

 

However, I would recommend that when you first start this, that you give him 5 minutes alone and if he's still crying go an comfort him and then tell him that it is naptime and you are going to leave him alone so he can nap. After a week or two, you can increase the crying time to 10 or 15 minutes. Eventually, he will figure out that naptime means time to be alone and rest and he won't get hysterical about being left alone. Also, make sure that there is a night light in whichever room he goes to for naptime so that he's not becoming afraid because of the darkness.

 

My daughter has never had problems being put in another room for naptime because when she was 2 months I went from napping with her in the bed with me to her napping in a playpen in the room. Then after another month or 2 I started having her nap in her crib. By the time she was 4 or 5 months old she was napping and sleeping nights in her crib with no problems, but the first few times I put her in her crib for naps, she was not happy about it. It's all about behavior management and there are lots of methods to do that - some of them are abusive, but the suggestions I've seen here are not, by any means.

I have read thru most of this post and kinda got stuck with this one... I agree that some things work with some kids and some things with others. if letting a child cry by themselves has worked for one parent that is great... it has never worked with mine and has actually been detrimental for their own personalities. My daughter has always taken things very personal. and when I did this and did not respond to her even for a few minutes it was not a good thing and took weeks to bring her back to herself...  I think all mothers have an instinct about childeren and the moms that support this technique have seen it work and would not use it if they did not think in their gut it was right for their kids. that is just the kinda moms that look for advice on a place like this not the abusive kinds... I think the other moms that would not use this have a very different temperment of child and would not use it cause they k now that their child would not respond to it well... I can never do it again cause I would sabatoge the damn thing and empower my kid to rule me so much more...

I think this child needs some self soothing classes... I found this web site and thought it might be helpful.  http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2006/01/...

Monica - posted on 03/13/2009

I read this at babycenter.com to use an egg timer to build confidence in your child that you will be back when the timer goes off. Try it as a game at first (almost like an advance peek-a-boo game). Set it for a a couple of minutes leave the room and when it rings you come back in.  As he gets used to it set it for longer periods. Hope it works.

Chantel - posted on 03/13/2009

Quoting Karin:

It sounds as if this little boy has a separation anxiety from being away from his mom. Understandable - she is the center of his world, and he's afraid that since mommy leaves him with you, maybe you will leave too. I think distraction and time will be the key for you. He's also jealous of your daughter. Do you offer him hugs and physical expressions of caring, like pats and sitting next to you or on your lap?
Here are some of the things that worked for my kids, who were no picnic at that age (one has Aspergers Syndrome and one is bipolar/ADHD, so they were NOT easy kids):
Put on comforting, soft music. Classical, folk, jazz.....not loud, just as background music. This works really well at naptime.
Try putting him in an exersaucer or playpen and putting on a Baby Einstein DVD. You can get them at a used CD exchange store for cheap! My boys LOVED these, and it gave me a half hour to shower, eat, return phone calls, etc. Or Sesame Street!
Put the kids down for naptime at the same time. He may cry for a few days until he gets used to it. Try laying down on the floor in the room with him until he falls asleep. I would lay down on the floor with a quilt and a pillow, and it comforted my kids to know that they weren't missing anything, and that they weren't alone. The classical or lullaby music helped at naptime too. You may want to ask the little guy's mom to bring a Tshirt or something she's worn for baby to hold, he may be comforted by her scent.
Usually naps work best on a full tummy.
Good luck, and hang in there. Remember, he's just a little tiny guy, who is wondering what the heck is going on, and where is his mom.

I do give hugs and the like but if Breanna comes over while he's on my lap he starts screaming just because she's near me. Something that really sets him off is if I'm helping Breanna walk. She's just learning and likes to walk around with me holding her hands and as soon as he sees that he just starts screaming!! He'll watch Baby Einstien but if I try to leave the room he starts screaming. They do go for nap at the same time but I've had to put him in the basement bedroom (don't worry, completely finished) because no matter what I try he just screams, and never goes to sleep unless I stay there. But 10 minutes after I leave he's at it again. It's been 3 weeks and he seems to be getting worse instead of better. His last daycare had him for 2 months before they told his mom she had to find somewhere else.

Melody - posted on 03/13/2009

Bless your heart! I guess you are the babysitter??

He is just trying to get your attention and feels threatened by your daughter.  Have them both "help" you, praise them for what they do and tell them they are mommy's helpers.  Consistancy is the name of the game and mom is not helping by sleeping with him.  Why do parents made this mistake? As he gets comfortable with you and learns you will not tolerate his behavior, he will stop.

Getting physical with your daughter is NOT acceptable and he needs to learn that.  I find if you communicate with a child, even at this age, they can understand.  Let him know it will be his turn next but do let him know that what he is doing is not nice.

It is hard to post everything in my mind but I know this, children feel your emotions.  Set the rules, be consistant with them and just have fun with them for they grow up too fast. Good luck!

Karin - posted on 03/13/2009

One other thought occurred to me - could he be cutting molars or have an ear infection? If he doesn't feel well, or his teeth are bugging him, that could be a reason. Does he have a security item - like a blankey or a stuffed animal or other lovey? That usually helps too.

Karin - posted on 03/13/2009

It sounds as if this little boy has a separation anxiety from being away from his mom. Understandable - she is the center of his world, and he's afraid that since mommy leaves him with you, maybe you will leave too. I think distraction and time will be the key for you. He's also jealous of your daughter. Do you offer him hugs and physical expressions of caring, like pats and sitting next to you or on your lap?
Here are some of the things that worked for my kids, who were no picnic at that age (one has Aspergers Syndrome and one is bipolar/ADHD, so they were NOT easy kids):
Put on comforting, soft music. Classical, folk, jazz.....not loud, just as background music. This works really well at naptime.
Try putting him in an exersaucer or playpen and putting on a Baby Einstein DVD. You can get them at a used CD exchange store for cheap! My boys LOVED these, and it gave me a half hour to shower, eat, return phone calls, etc. Or Sesame Street!
Put the kids down for naptime at the same time. He may cry for a few days until he gets used to it. Try laying down on the floor in the room with him until he falls asleep. I would lay down on the floor with a quilt and a pillow, and it comforted my kids to know that they weren't missing anything, and that they weren't alone. The classical or lullaby music helped at naptime too. You may want to ask the little guy's mom to bring a Tshirt or something she's worn for baby to hold, he may be comforted by her scent.
Usually naps work best on a full tummy.
Good luck, and hang in there. Remember, he's just a little tiny guy, who is wondering what the heck is going on, and where is his mom.

Cassandra - posted on 03/12/2009

My daughter is 17 months and follows me every where. i understand it is hard but you need ot put a baby gate up and let him cry. he will get used of it sooner or later. and for sleeping my 20 month old step son would never used to sleep on his own but all we had to do was let him scream for like 5 minutes pick him up for a couple and then keep doing it.

Melissa - posted on 03/12/2009

First of all, I don't think that mom is being completely honest with you. If he screams that much for you, he does for her too; unless she goes out of her way to keep him from screaming, which will only add to your problem. The problem is not you, nor the child... the problem is her. My advice is the same as many others, tough love. It will be hard at first, but he needs to learn that he can't behave like that. It would greatly help if you can get the mom on the same page and work togehter as a team.



Your other choice is to put your child first and stop watching him. If he takes this much of your time, he's taking it away from her and it's not fair to her. I would also be afraid that she will see him get attention for these behaviors and she'll start behaving like that too.

Shauna - posted on 03/12/2009

I'm not sure if this is the answer, but just a thought. Is there a time when you can just sit down and play with him with whatever he is playing giving him full undivided attention? Then really reward when his behavior is appropriate "what a good job using an inside voice" "I like how you and (your daughter) are both giving me hugs", "who can give me the biggest hug?". Make pleasing comments when his mom picks him up from you..."did you know that "Johnny" was such a big boy when..." make sure the comment is made within range of "Johnny" hearing the bragging. Just thoughts, hope something helps...

Shelly - posted on 03/12/2009

Chantel,

  Maybe it's time to move on.  Maybe you need to tell the mother she needs to find someone else to tend her child.  If you are getting that frustrated then your not doing him,your daught, or yourself any good..Good luck

Kailee - posted on 03/12/2009

That sounds like a nightmare!  Have you given tough love a try?  mostly at nap times, my wee man was a terror at that age for sleeping until our wellchild nurse came and showed us how through persevance you can get them to sleep with the 5, 10,15 min checks.  So you put him down to sleep, he'l scream, you leave him for 5mins - if hes still going at it go in pick him up for a quick cuddle (no Eye Contact) then lay him down again and wait for the 10min check, same thing then - it wont happen over night but it happen.  I think it taught him that he was not the boss - which is what this little man sounds like he wants to be!  hope that helps.....

Delia - posted on 03/12/2009

My doc suggested not to wash their hair with any type of Shampoo, when you use the baby oil it should work more effectively

Chantel - posted on 03/12/2009

Well, I do wait for him to fall asleep before I leave but he gets up 10 minutes later and starts to scream. I go back every little bit and lay him back down and tell him its nap time but as soon as I walk out the door he stands up and is at it again. As for leaving the room and still talking to him so he knows I'm still there, tries it! I've even opened and closed the bathroom door to show him I can't go anywhere and I'm right on the other side but as soon as the door shuts he screams. His mother isn't single but from what I understand I think the dad works a lot and goes away on business sometimes. I'm working on the naughty spot thing but he won't stay there!!! He's 13 months old, how do I get him to sit there until the tantrum is over?? He can get around on his own, he's apparently been walking since he was 9 months old. But that seems to be the only thing he can do! All the funny sounds and things that my 11 month old has been doing for quite some time, he can't do and doesn't seem to understand when I try to teach him. He doesn't say anything as far as I can see and I tried to show him how to colour (early, I know) but he won't even try. He won't even hold on to the crayon, he just drops it and watches my daughter, who is sort of learning(when she's not eating the crayon).

To everyone who told me to just quit, I know where you're coming from and I sort of wish I could but I fought with my fiance to "let" me stay home with Breanna and do daycare to replace my income. Unfortunately, Nathan is my only full time child so far, and as good as his mom pays it's not replacing my income which is causing more stress for me, but thats another story...lol

 Thanks everyone for the great suggestions, I'll keep you posted. Today was horrible. When his mom brought him she told me he was being really sucky today...that was an understatement. He was whiny the entire day! Not happy once!! Luckily it doesn't bother my daughter who is almost always happy and smiling, she helps me get through the day!!

Mandy - posted on 03/12/2009

I watched this on a programme that does the horse whispering things on kids. LOL but it does work. ignore him and keep removing him from the place of action. a bit like a naughty spot but you cant call them that now can you? however keep putting him there until he stops and calms down then love him. reward both kids for good behaviour and ignore for bad. It does take time but it works. if mum sticks to him like gold it will make it awkard for others. Good luck. ( I still use this on my daughter who is 11 and it does work on her too.

Bonnie - posted on 03/12/2009

I am not really sure what to say. It seems like there are several things going on here. I would first make sure that EVERY time he even thinks about hitting your daughter..of course stop him but try telling him NO we give hugs or I dunno. That is what we did at our day care. As far as the following and the naptime.. well it seems that while the mother probably sleeps with the child during naptime it may be that that is the only attention he gets? I am not sure. Usually children aren't that clingy. My children slept with me and they were my best friends and still are. They were very happy to just sit and play together. Somehow I got lucky. My kids are 16 months apart and they have NEVER EVER EVER faught about ANYTHING. EVER :) I have worked in 3 different day cares and taken childhood education in college tho. Maybe when your daughter comes to you for a hug try hugging him as well. Maybe the mom has a boyfriend or something and the child feels pushed away for him. ? I don't know because I don't have much info about the child but I hope that this helps!

Amy - posted on 03/12/2009

Quoting Angela:

Well, how nice of you to babysitting this little boy. My son is 9 months and he is not the best napper....but we were doing the same thing, he wouldn't sleep unless he was being held, and so that is what my husband and I would do...and we are still guilty of doing this once in a while. But I had people telling me, we had to stop that, or else we were going to create a bad habit. So, we have started putting him down in his crib when we are home, and yes he cried when we first started doing it, but that's where sometimes you have to let them cry. Now he is much better about it, and he will get sometimes an hour nap!!!! The mother, needs to break the habit, and I bet it's that she also doesn't like hearing him cry, but she has to start with small steps...leave him for a little, let him cry like 5 min, then maybe go in a rock him...the next time let him cry a little longer....and after doing that for a while, he may get used to sleeping on his own.

Another option, if your little ones are having a hard time napping on their own, is to let them fall asleep in your arms and then put them in their crib. After a week or so of waking up alone in their crib (or playpen) they will realize that it's not scary and they are safe and you can start taking them in while they are mostly asleep. After a week or so of that, you should be able to put them down for a nap without fits about it. I'm really lucky that I read up on naptime issues when my daughter was so young and went through this process before she was even crawling. Now she says "yay" when I tell her it's naptime and walks to her bedroom and asks for kisses and hugs.

Amy - posted on 03/12/2009

Quoting Tamara:

Again, let me reiterate, a 13 month old does not yet have the verbal ability to let you know what their specific problem is and as such, needs to cry to tell you what that need is.  By ignoring those cries, you are ignoring their needs.  Crying does NOT strengthen their lungs.  This is a medical MYTH. http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/t051200...

"7. Crying isn't "good for baby's lungs." One of the most ridiculous pieces of medical folklore is the dictum: "Let baby cry, it's good for his lungs." In the late 1970's, research showed that babies who were left to cry had heart rates that reached worrisome levels, and lowered oxygen levels in their blood. When these infants' cries were soothed, their cardiovascular system rapidly returned to normal, showing how quickly babies recognize the status of well being on a physiologic level. When a baby's cries are not soothed, he remains in physiologic as well as psychological distress.'
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handou...

"Science tells us that when babies cry alone and unattended, they experience panic and anxiety. Their bodies and brains are flooded with adrenaline and cortisol stress hormones. Science has also found that when developing brain tissue is exposed to these hormones for prolonged periods these nerves won’t form connections to other nerves and will degenerate."

 

Let's look at it this way.  If you're crying (no matter the reason) would you not want to be comforted?  Wouldn't you want your husband to let you know that it's going to be ok and help you calm down?  Of course you would.  When your child is crying, he's is asking for that same comfort and reassurance from you.

 

 

Okay, I have to respond to this, because I can understand your point of view. Babies do have emotional and psychological needs as well as the physical ones and it can be cruel to leave a baby crying for a long time. BUT, you also have to understand that for someone who is caring for more than one child, naptime is essential to recharge the adults battery. If the caregiver doesn't have some 'me' time during the day, they end up getting completely burned out ... or so frustrated that they are in danger of abusing the kids they are caring for.

As I pointed out in my last post, if you go in and calm the child down after 5 minutes or so, they will understand that you're still there and eventually be able to sleep on their own. It's all about how you deal with the behavior you are trying to change ... if the child gets extra attention for 'bad' behavior, they will keep doing it; if they get extra attention for 'good' behavior and minimal or no attention for 'bad' behavior, they will stop the unwanted behavior. BUT, it has to be at home too or you're wasting your time.

Diane - posted on 03/12/2009

I am a mother of two grown girls, have 11  grandchildren. It sounds like the mother (single?) is lacking security and it is rubbing off on her son. He need to know that your in control while he's with you, you need to make that happen. My suggestion is don't jump to his demand. He should be disciplined for acting badly. Choose a specific area (like a time out), pick him up and put him there when he acts badly. Someplace where he can't see whats going on  and doesn't have anything to play with. Once he stops throwing a fit, bring him back.  Next time he does it do the same thing.   Eventually he will catch on.

Just my suggestion~~~Good luck

Angela - posted on 03/12/2009

Well, how nice of you to babysitting this little boy. My son is 9 months and he is not the best napper....but we were doing the same thing, he wouldn't sleep unless he was being held, and so that is what my husband and I would do...and we are still guilty of doing this once in a while. But I had people telling me, we had to stop that, or else we were going to create a bad habit. So, we have started putting him down in his crib when we are home, and yes he cried when we first started doing it, but that's where sometimes you have to let them cry. Now he is much better about it, and he will get sometimes an hour nap!!!! The mother, needs to break the habit, and I bet it's that she also doesn't like hearing him cry, but she has to start with small steps...leave him for a little, let him cry like 5 min, then maybe go in a rock him...the next time let him cry a little longer....and after doing that for a while, he may get used to sleeping on his own.

Diane - posted on 03/12/2009

Quoting Chantel:

PLEASE, does anyone have ANY suggestions AT ALL???

I posted this before and got no responses so I thought I'd try again:) I look after a 13 month old boy as well as my own 11 month old girl. Th problem is the boy. He screams bloody murder if I so much as go to the bathroom!! He follows me around everywhere and gets physical with my daughter if she comes to me for a hug. He won't nap unless I sit with him the whole time and I just don't have the time to do that!! His mom sleeps with him at naptime so she has no advice for me and she says he doesn't scream or anything at home when she leaves the room. Any advice?? He's driving me nuts!!! :)

Amy - posted on 03/12/2009

Quoting Tamara:

Quoting Nicole:

I'd suggest getting on the same page with the mom and explaining that he is like this because he is spoiled. When he gets like this you both need to start putting him in a seperate room in a play-pin with toys and a blanket and just shut the door and let him cry himself to sleep. Make sure that he has been fed and has a clean diaper so you know nothing is wrong. For awhile its going to be hard but it will get much easier. I made the mistake of spoiling my son and after about a week of trying this when he's put in his play-pin he immediatly either goes to sleep or plays with his toys. It works great. You just have to have the patience to follow thru with it everytime.

With all due respect, that is borderline abusive.  An 13 month old still does not have the verbal ability to tell you that something is wrong.  His cries are the only way to let you know that there is something amiss even if its something as simple as "I'm lonely, I'm bored, I'm tired, etc."  It's your job to respond to those cries and not ignore them by shutting him in a room alone.

I'm going to have to disagree with you here. Letting a child cry and work through a problem on their own is NOT abusive in any way. If she left him on the balcony so she didn't have to hear him or spanked him or just completely ignored all of his needs, THAT would be abusive. As long as he is safe and his basic needs (clean diaper, food, blanket or other comfort object) are taken care of, there is no need for her to come every time he cries.

However, I would recommend that when you first start this, that you give him 5 minutes alone and if he's still crying go an comfort him and then tell him that it is naptime and you are going to leave him alone so he can nap. After a week or two, you can increase the crying time to 10 or 15 minutes. Eventually, he will figure out that naptime means time to be alone and rest and he won't get hysterical about being left alone. Also, make sure that there is a night light in whichever room he goes to for naptime so that he's not becoming afraid because of the darkness.

My daughter has never had problems being put in another room for naptime because when she was 2 months I went from napping with her in the bed with me to her napping in a playpen in the room. Then after another month or 2 I started having her nap in her crib. By the time she was 4 or 5 months old she was napping and sleeping nights in her crib with no problems, but the first few times I put her in her crib for naps, she was not happy about it. It's all about behavior management and there are lots of methods to do that - some of them are abusive, but the suggestions I've seen here are not, by any means.

Melissa - posted on 03/12/2009

Honestly, I would quit babysitting him.  It's not worth you stress for.  He obviously does have special needs or something and his own mother has to deal with the problem.  Right now, it's your time with your daughter.  She needs you most.  Just be glad that your daughter isn't the problem.  My daughter is going to be 12mos next week and I give her my attention but also I try to make space between us and her & daddy have daddy daughter time.  I work and be at home with her and it can make for a difficult long day.  At the end of the night when it's time to put her to bed I give her a kiss and just look at her with a smile and say goodnight! (then I don;t want her to go to bed)  lol!

Tina - posted on 03/12/2009

Sorry Chantel,
This must be so hard for you! I like the idea of putting him in a walker. My daughter loved hers. This way you do not need to hold him, and he can get around by himself. As far as the naps go.....he has to learn to go to sleep himself. Let him cry it out.
Discuss this with his mom. He needs some time outs for only 1 minute though. Good luck. Keep us posted.

Amy - posted on 03/12/2009

Wow. That's pretty intense. Sounds like he needs more assurance at your house since his mom isn't there. And I'd ask her to try putting him down for naps without her as that will probably be the most useful thing to help you out.

Also, try talking to him when you're going into another room so he knows you're still there. Tell him what you're doing and that you'll be right back. I've also found with my daughter that if I tell her I'm not going to pay attention to her while she's screaming and then don't, she will stop, so you might try that. It'll probably take a few times, and it's really hard to ignore a child who is having a tantrum at your feet, but if you give him attention for it, he'll continue the behavior. Good luck!

Jolee - posted on 03/12/2009

Um, I think you need to tell the other mom that her child is too much for you and that it is taking away time with your child. she needs to find a new sitter... You can't do that to your own kid...

Nancy - posted on 03/12/2009

Quoting Nicole:

I'd suggest getting on the same page with the mom and explaining that he is like this because he is spoiled. When he gets like this you both need to start putting him in a seperate room in a play-pin with toys and a blanket and just shut the door and let him cry himself to sleep. Make sure that he has been fed and has a clean diaper so you know nothing is wrong. For awhile its going to be hard but it will get much easier. I made the mistake of spoiling my son and after about a week of trying this when he's put in his play-pin he immediatly either goes to sleep or plays with his toys. It works great. You just have to have the patience to follow thru with it everytime.

I'd have to agree with this poster .. I had a 16m old daycare boy who was the EXACT same way ... it's all because he's "used to" being picked up and being the center of attention at home.  I used the highchair A LOT with him ... he will whine too when he's not getting his own way, because mommy gives into him because it's "easier" than fighting with him ...

Chantel - posted on 03/12/2009

Quoting Summer:

It sounds like this baby is suffering from seperation anxiety.  This is never easy for anyone involved.  However, it seems odd to me that he does not scream when his mommy leaves?  Does he scream when she leaves? 

Nope. Only for the first 2 or 3 days. Now he comes right in and plays with the dog.

April - posted on 03/12/2009

Sorry, just had another idea.  There was a toddler at my daughter's daycare that had major seperation issues, and one of the elderly helpers there one day put a mirror up on the crib and put a picture of his mom's face right next to it.  He would lay in bed and see his face next to his mom's, and wouldn't cry.  It seemed to comfort him that it was there.  I thought that was pretty clever.

April - posted on 03/12/2009

My husband is Air Force, and had to be stationed away from us for a while.  He always tucks my daughter in at night, so we were afraid she would be difficult to get to bed while he was gone.  (Sort of like the little boy you watch is used to having his mom with him at nap time except when he is at your house.)  We recorded my husband saying things like "good night" & "I love you," & when possible, had him call right at bedtime to put her to sleep over the phone.  It might help him feel like his mom is there if you could get her to record herself reading  him a story and play it for him when you put him down for nap.  Maybe you could get her to read that same story to him on the days when she has him for nap & at bedtime, and he would start to associate it with going to sleep.  We've never had to take it that far, but I have heard that it helps.     

Sonia - posted on 03/12/2009

wow, not easy..i hada hard time with my oldest, to make her go to sleep - needed physical contact until she was fast asleep.. but with baby Iris, i just lay with her for 5 min, she grabs her cloth nappy (we call it fralda) and she covers her face with it, touching it over and over again. It works for her. Has his mum tried it? My mum says just needed to put us to bed and we would sleep the entire night.. maybe we were alliens.. :-)

How's the weather? Ok? Take both kids outside and let them tire themselves.. i don't know what else to say.. best of luck!!

PS I have a 20 months babygirl

Kathy - posted on 03/12/2009

I don't think there is much you can do about that at his age. He seems to have anxiety problems right now. Just time and patience.Sorry I can't be more helpful

Summer - posted on 03/12/2009

It sounds like this baby is suffering from seperation anxiety.  This is never easy for anyone involved.  However, it seems odd to me that he does not scream when his mommy leaves?  Does he scream when she leaves?