PLEASE, does anyone have ANY suggestions AT ALL???

Chantel - posted on 03/11/2009 ( 86 moms have responded )

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I posted this before and got no responses so I thought I'd try again:) I look after a 13 month old boy as well as my own 11 month old girl. Th problem is the boy. He screams bloody murder if I so much as go to the bathroom!! He follows me around everywhere and gets physical with my daughter if she comes to me for a hug. He won't nap unless I sit with him the whole time and I just don't have the time to do that!! His mom sleeps with him at naptime so she has no advice for me and she says he doesn't scream or anything at home when she leaves the room. Any advice?? He's driving me nuts!!! :)

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Summer - posted on 03/12/2009

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It sounds like this baby is suffering from seperation anxiety.  This is never easy for anyone involved.  However, it seems odd to me that he does not scream when his mommy leaves?  Does he scream when she leaves? 

Summer - posted on 03/12/2009

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It sounds like this baby is suffering from seperation anxiety.  This is never easy for anyone involved.  However, it seems odd to me that he does not scream when his mommy leaves?  Does he scream when she leaves? 

Connie - posted on 03/11/2009

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I have done home daycare for many years. First off - SEPARATION ANXIETY!!!!! Perfectly NORMAL, and different for each and every child. This poor little boy just got jerked away from his care provider at a critical age for separation anxiety and is now scared to death in a new environment in which he totally senses your displeasure and frustration with him. I have a 12-month-old that follows me every where and screams bloody murder if I'm on the other side of the gate, even if I'm still touching him. This is NORMAL and will get better as he gets comfortable in this new environment and as he gets older. Unfortunately, due to the provider change at this particular stage, it is probably going to be worse and last longer than if his provider had remained consistent. It also sounds as if his mother doesn't foster his independence, which she MUST do, for your sake and especially his. Play time in a play pen with you/mother right there is a must with a gradual lengthening of distance. Firmly respond when he hits, but also show him what TO DO. I say "NO hitting" with an angry face/low voice while holding the child's hand firmly, then say "NICE touch" with a happy face/higher voice while running the child's open hand gently down my face. Remember that it is your job to teach the children what TO do, not just what NOT to do. I usually plan on a minimum of a month for a child to transition into my care. For this age/stage, I would plan on 2 months. Plus, mom has GOT to be on board with following your rules and routines. I use a lullaby CD at naptime that the parents also use at bed time. It teaches the children to fall asleep when it comes on. That may be something you could try to implement.

Tricia - posted on 03/11/2009

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Have you thought about not watching this child anymore? I mean first off if he's driving you crazy and he's going after your daughter I would consider letting him go. I used to do daycare along time ago and I had a boy that was similar like that but he used to bite everyone, throw stuff and at nap time he would only lay down on the couch which still left me not to be able to do a lot of stuff because it would wake him.



But after several months I finally just told his mom I'm very sorry but I won't be able to watch him anymore expecially when he bite my daugher that was the last straw for me.

Galya - posted on 03/11/2009

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I'm sorry, I haven't read the other posts, so I might repeat what someone else wrote. It seems like he has a separation anxiety, which is normal for his age, many babies have it. Try to give him heads up on what are you going to do, something like, "I'm going to the bathroom, and will be back soon. You are going to stay here and wait." Or, "you are going night-night and when you wake up, I'll take you and play with you." Try plaing pick a-boo with him, it will help him to get used to the fact that the sings can dissapear and appear later and it's OK. Hopefully he will outgrow it.



Do not let him hit your daughter, tell him that it's not OK and hitting is not allowed, hitting is a NO-NO.

User - posted on 03/11/2009

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Quoting Jhenny:

It will be really hard but you have to put him down and stand your ground. The reason he screams and continues to act that way is because he's learned that you will give in and give him what he wants if he does it. It is really hard the first few times but usually by the third time they learn that it doesn't work. I had the same prob with my nephew.



I agree.  My son is like static electricity to panty hose...and I'm the panty hose!  Sounds like this poor little guy is just very scared you will leave him...separation anxiety to the max!  It also means that he very much loves you...that could also explain why he hits your daughter when you show her affection. 



With the nap scenerio, you ARE going to have to stick to your guns...you can start out slowly...first, put him down and lay with him for a minute, then get up before he's asleep.  When he cries, just tell him you love him and that you'll check on him in 5 minutes.  In 5 minutes, check on him, but DO NOT pick him up/ lay down with him...just comfort him and lay him back down.  Keep this up until he either gives up, or nap time should be over.  He'll be exhausted if he misses his nap, but you can try again later that day.  After a few days of this, just lay him down without laying down with him at first, and continue the 5 minute check ups...



As far as hitting goes, immediately stop him, firmly tell him in caveman talk "NO HIT!  HITTING HURTS!  HITTING BAD!  Then put him in a time out.  If he is like my son, you may spend the next 30 minutes getting him to sit in the naughty spot, but he'll eventually give up and sit there for a couple of minutes.  Just remember to get on his eye level when disciplining him.



 

Marie - posted on 03/11/2009

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I would either tell her she needs to work on things at home with him and maybe try to change some things so he doesn't do this when he's with you.
Maybe you can start trying to change him. Let him cry when you put him down for naps let him do it for a half hour he will soon enough fall asleep. You should put gates up in your home to block off a play area for the kids and an area for you. Divide things up a little and get him use to being comfortable by himself.
Im not sure what else to say but I hope what I said works for you in some ways.

Chantel - posted on 03/11/2009

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Well, I've had him for 21/2 weeks now and we tried a blankie from home but it didn't help. As far as the comforting and then leaving goes, well I can wait until he is sleeping (I swear he's sleeping soundly) and 10 minutes later he is up and screaming again.



I don't want to "get rid of him" because for one I do need the money. So far he is the only child I have been able to get and his mom pays very well, due to the difficulty. I also feel bad for him. It's not his fault he is like this. Hopefully with a little more time he will get better.



Tamara, just so you know he isn't crying so much as screaming because he isn't getting his own way, but thank you for the info about CIO.



I am the full time caregiver so perhaps, in time, he'll learn that the rules are different here than at home.



Jewelee, his mother has said I can use whatever methods work for me including CIO. He is a stubborn boy and screams for a long time!! I'll have to find some activities to stimulate him and see if that helps. If spring would hurry up and get here it would be a lot easier to wear him out! (I live in Canada). Thanks for the comment about my daughter!! I think she's adorable too!! :)

Lorie - posted on 03/11/2009

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I run a home day care and I would get rid of him. He is acting as if he was your child and your little girl was the day care baby. Your child and your sanity always come first. You can always find a new child.When you have your own children/ child its to much to handle to have a child like that. The more stressed out and nuts you get the more your little gril and the boy are going to feel it. Then they will act out for you. ( thats not fun )



I hope everything works out for you



 



                 Lori

Lorie - posted on 03/11/2009

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I run a home day care and I would get rid of him. He is acting as if he was your child and your little girl was the day care baby. Your child and your sanity always come first. You can always find a new child.When you have your own children/ child its to much to handle to have a child like that. The more stressed out and nuts you get the more your little gril and the boy are going to feel it. Then they will act out for you. ( thats not fun )



I hope everything works out for you



 



                 Lori

[deleted account]

Hi Chantel,



Sorry to hear about your dilemma. I too am a home daycare provider and I had this EXACT same thing happen with the first child I ever looked after. The bad news...I found that only time changes things. I had to keep the same schedule with him so that he knew what to expect and when (ie - don't cave and nap with him and then leave him again the next day). The good news...it did end for me. How long have you been watching this child? Is there something that the boy naps with as well as the mom? If so, that should go to your home with him so that he might make a connection. Or maybe something of his mom's he can sleep with, like a shirt? I know I'm not a lot of help because I honestly don't know exactly what changed things for me, but please know that it can and will end. Good luck!

Tamara - posted on 03/11/2009

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Quoting Corrine:



i dont think that this "abuse" at all! if the child is fed and has a clean diaper, and not going to hurt himself in anyway in the pack n' play, then i see no problem with it. i've had to do the same thing with my son many times!! if he does something he knows hes not suppose to, (play with the computer, hit, bite, throw toys) then he gets to sit in time out for 1 minute. if he gets up out of time out, he is put right back and his time starts over. we have actually only been doing this for a couple days and he has learned. so he sits in the time out corner, and covers his face. then wen his time is up, we tell him and he gets up and plays like nothing happened. if the mother of the boy has givin you permission to do whatever you think will work, then do whatever you think will work!!!! my son went thru a stage of hitting, everytime he hit i took his hands and calmly told him "hitting is not nice, hitting hurts mommy, no more hitting" i mean, there were times we spent 15-20 minutes of me holding his hands, talking to him, letting go, he hit me, i take his hands, talk to him and so on....he doesnt hit anymore. taking naps with the kid? i think thats a little over doing it! my son has NEVER slept in the same bed/room as me and my hubby. first day he was brought home from the hospital, he was in his own crib in his own room. if he didnt wanna go to bed at bedtime...even now....i let him cry it out. it just makes his lungs stronger!





Again, let me reiterate, a 13 month old does not yet have the verbal ability to let you know what their specific problem is and as such, needs to cry to tell you what that need is.  By ignoring those cries, you are ignoring their needs.  Crying does NOT strengthen their lungs.  This is a medical MYTH. http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/t051200...



 



"7. Crying isn't "good for baby's lungs." One of the most ridiculous pieces of medical folklore is the dictum: "Let baby cry, it's good for his lungs." In the late 1970's, research showed that babies who were left to cry had heart rates that reached worrisome levels, and lowered oxygen levels in their blood. When these infants' cries were soothed, their cardiovascular system rapidly returned to normal, showing how quickly babies recognize the status of well being on a physiologic level. When a baby's cries are not soothed, he remains in physiologic as well as psychological distress."



 



http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handou...



 



"Science tells us that when babies cry alone and unattended, they experience panic and anxiety. Their bodies and brains are flooded with adrenaline and cortisol stress hormones. Science has also found that when developing brain tissue is exposed to these hormones for prolonged periods these nerves won’t form connections to other nerves and will degenerate."



 



Let's look at it this way.  If you're crying (no matter the reason) would you not want to be comforted?  Wouldn't you want your husband to let you know that it's going to be ok and help you calm down?  Of course you would.  When your child is crying, he's is asking for that same comfort and reassurance from you.

Nancy - posted on 03/11/2009

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oh.. I need to add to my post....



Using that method on my own son, he has NEVER cried for a babysitter when they put him to nap or to bed. He may not go to sleep but he is content to lay in his bed for hours if need be, even if he is not asleep. I think this teaches them compation for others as well.. my son is 20 months old now and my friend took him to her dad's for the day and she came home and told me I should be very proud of him because he is the most compationate child she has ever seen. One of the other kids fell down and made a HUGE production out of it... he knelt down to her and pat her head and rubbed her hand while she screamed her head off. Then when she didnt stop screaming (she wasnt hurt, she was embarrassed), he ran to her father and was crying and pulling his hand to go get her.

Stephanie - posted on 03/11/2009

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Dear Chantel,



I have a 2 and a half year old daughter and I was watching my nephew who is 13 months old as well. I had the exact same problem, He would cry and scream even if I just turne my back to him. Kids like this have either always had one on one attention or the exact opposite (no attention) In my case my nephew had always had one on one attention and never had to share his attention with anyone else. The most important thing is to not give into him or get mad at him. If he is crying let him, I know it is irritating. He has to learn that he isn't the only one that gets your attention. Give him a hug and then give your daughter a hug and tell him that you both are loved and both get hugs. If he tries to get physical with your daughter, show him that that is unacceptable, give him whatever punishment is reasonable at his age. Let me know more info. I hope you can get through this!!

[deleted account]

Quoting Tamara:



Quoting Nicole:

I'd suggest getting on the same page with the mom and explaining that he is like this because he is spoiled. When he gets like this you both need to start putting him in a seperate room in a play-pin with toys and a blanket and just shut the door and let him cry himself to sleep. Make sure that he has been fed and has a clean diaper so you know nothing is wrong. For awhile its going to be hard but it will get much easier. I made the mistake of spoiling my son and after about a week of trying this when he's put in his play-pin he immediatly either goes to sleep or plays with his toys. It works great. You just have to have the patience to follow thru with it everytime.





With all due respect, that is borderline abusive.  An 13 month old still does not have the verbal ability to tell you that something is wrong.  His cries are the only way to let you know that there is something amiss even if its something as simple as "I'm lonely, I'm bored, I'm tired, etc."  It's your job to respond to those cries and not ignore them by shutting him in a room alone.





i dont think that this "abuse" at all! if the child is fed and has a clean diaper, and not going to hurt himself in anyway in the pack n' play, then i see no problem with it. i've had to do the same thing with my son many times!! if he does something he knows hes not suppose to, (play with the computer, hit, bite, throw toys) then he gets to sit in time out for 1 minute. if he gets up out of time out, he is put right back and his time starts over. we have actually only been doing this for a couple days and he has learned. so he sits in the time out corner, and covers his face. then wen his time is up, we tell him and he gets up and plays like nothing happened. if the mother of the boy has givin you permission to do whatever you think will work, then do whatever you think will work!!!! my son went thru a stage of hitting, everytime he hit i took his hands and calmly told him "hitting is not nice, hitting hurts mommy, no more hitting" i mean, there were times we spent 15-20 minutes of me holding his hands, talking to him, letting go, he hit me, i take his hands, talk to him and so on....he doesnt hit anymore. taking naps with the kid? i think thats a little over doing it! my son has NEVER slept in the same bed/room as me and my hubby. first day he was brought home from the hospital, he was in his own crib in his own room. if he didnt wanna go to bed at bedtime...even now....i let him cry it out. it just makes his lungs stronger!

Nancy - posted on 03/11/2009

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oh.. I need to add to my post....



Using that method on my own son, he has NEVER cried for a babysitter when they put him to nap or to bed. He may not go to sleep but he is content to lay in his bed for hours if need be, even if he is not asleep. I think this teaches them compation for others as well.. my son is 20 months old now and my friend took him to her dad's for the day and she came home and told me I should be very proud of him because he is the most compationate child she has ever seen. One of the other kids fell down and made a HUGE production out of it... he knelt down to her and pat her head and rubbed her hand while she screamed her head off. Then when she didnt stop screaming (she wasnt hurt, she was embarrassed), he ran to her father and was crying and pulling his hand to go get her.

Carrie - posted on 03/11/2009

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That is so ROUGH! I watched my nephew (10mos) along with my own son (13 mos) and it was a huge challenge . They both wanted everything at the same time and there was more jealousy comeing from my own son because of the time I had to give to my nephew...



If you are the full time care giver then that gives you a good oportunity to lay out a routine and structure rules...if it just sporadic than it may be more difficult...



!. Try to show as much attention to the boy you are caring for as youa re your own child. It's easy to feel strained and resentful when the other one is taking time away from your own but try to make up games that both of them can enjoy...play music and dance and sing with both of them...take turns tossing a ball...do whatever you can to wear them out for nap time.



2. Try to be as fun and upbeat as possible. Kids can tell when your stressed and irritated and they tend to play on that.



3. Be caring yet firm. The rules in your house should be followed...nap times, sharing, etc. If you are firm, caring and consistent they  will eventually get the hang of your household.



4. Talk with the boys mother about how she structures her time with him at home. Suggest, tactfully, that she may want to be more firm with naptimes when she is home...ie,,, no sleeping together. Tell her that the more support and help ou get from her then the better experience her child will have in your care. You two are a team and need to work together to make sure that he can follow rules and structure....



Good Luck



Carrie

Nancy - posted on 03/11/2009

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Quoting Chantel:



Quoting Nicole:

I'd suggest getting on the same page with the mom and explaining that he is like this because he is spoiled. When he gets like this you both need to start putting him in a seperate room in a play-pin with toys and a blanket and just shut the door and let him cry himself to sleep. Make sure that he has been fed and has a clean diaper so you know nothing is wrong. For awhile its going to be hard but it will get much easier. I made the mistake of spoiling my son and after about a week of trying this when he's put in his play-pin he immediatly either goes to sleep or plays with his toys. It works great. You just have to have the patience to follow thru with it everytime.






I have started doing that actually. He never falls asleep!! He cried for an hour and a half the other day!! His mom said she has tried to let him cry it out but it didn't work. But she gave me free reign to try anything myself. I guess I'll just keep trying:)





Crying it out didnt help with mine either. It's a learning process for sure. What did work was singing to him. I would pick him up out of his crib (once in a while I still have to do this, if he is over tired or not feeling good)...  Don't leave the room, show him that it is still nap time. I dont even leave the crib area. I rest his little bootie on the crib rail (he's very heavy) and hug and cuddle him and calm him down, sing a little round of 'You are my sunshine" or "baby Mine"... then when he's content, I put him back in his crib, tell him it's time to close his peepers, hand him a bottle of water and his blanket.. then leave the room and close the door. If he starts crying again, then I do it all over again. Surprisingly this is a GENTLE way of telling them they can't have their way, it's still bedtime, they are NOT leaving the room, and you are NOT giving in. All you are doing is calming them down so they can think and learn instead of letting their emotions rule... crying just leads to more crying. Have you ever been upset because you were let down, or because you lost control.. same thing. Roller coaster effect.    You will be surprised what 5 minutes of love and understanding will accomplish.

[deleted account]

Hi Chantel,



I don't mean to sound cruel but I were you I would first ask the mother if she would mind if you left him to cry himself to sleep for about three days and if follows you around, unfortunately you'll have to come up with some new and interesting activities to stimulate him because it's obvious that he's not being stimulated enough.



Unfortunately he's being too coddled and spoiled at home so unless you're ready to tell the mother that you are not looking after her son unless she does something about his behaviour, you're going to have to get a set of good earplugs, teach your daughter how to defend herself when he attacks her, and/or just give in and mimic his mother.



I feel for you because I've seen kids like that before and they are not pleasant what-so-ever and they are not good to have around your own children...and your daughter is absolutely adorable!



Good luck!

Nicole - posted on 03/11/2009

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When I first started this with my son it took two hours the first time. I would randomly go and check on him, make sure he wasn't hungry, or that he didn't have a dirty diaper. It was the longest two hours of my life but he fell asleep eventually. Everytime after that for the next week it would take less and less time. Now when he gets fussy because he's ready for a nap I feed and change him then take him to his crib and when I start to lay him down he gets the biggest smile on his face and grabs his blanket and his prayer bear and goes straight to sleep. He loves his crib now and sometimes I won't know when he wakes up because I'll walk in there to check on him and he'll be sitting there with a big smile on his face playing with his toys. If you can be patient it will work. You might also want to try turning the radio on. It seemed like he thought someone was in the room by hearing voices.

Monica - posted on 03/11/2009

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It's so difficult when a child cries all the time and wants to be held. My daughter was like this and everyone told me that it's because he slept with me in my bed. I actually loved sleeping with her. It made me feel so secure having her be right near me. But the Mom is creating a monster! If she is not willing to change how she deals with him at home then anything you do will just be futile. It won't stick!! Mom has to do it and you two have to be on the same page. You shoudn't have to be the teacher. And your child shouldn't suffer the consequences of this childs behavior. Get on Mom to do her work and get help from her pediatrician or from online ...etc. If she doesn't do this, you should regretably stop watching him. It seems like evryone is passing the buck on this child but it has to start at home. She should get a behavioral assessment done on him...she could get alot of valuable information this way. Good luck!!

Nancy - posted on 03/11/2009

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It sounds like this little bug is having a crisis. Usually this happens younger, but he may have regressed a bit due to being away from his mommy.  Have you tried wearing him out? When mine was 13 months he LOVED to play outside and he was so tired by naptime that he was completely content and even walked to his bedroom by himself. As far as the crying when you go to the bathroom, mine did this for about a month when he was 8-9 months old. That was before he learned to play by himself. Try giving him toys that he has to figure out, something different every time he comes over, then rotate them so it seems new to him. Then sneak away while he's playing and watch him from around a corner, .... do this until he starts to panic, then show him you are never far away!   Eventually he will trust that you arent leaving him just because you left the room!

Elektra - posted on 03/11/2009

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Sounds like he is VERY attached to you. You need to discuss a solution withthe mum. Remind her that you are looking after 2 children and can not lie down with both of them and that this is not your style of parenting anyways. how long have you been looking after the boy? I recently had the same problem. I was looking after a girl as well as my toddler. The little girl was used to being picked up and carried everywhere and if you left the room she would cry. It took about a week of playing hard (not picking her up and carrying her everywhere, if I left a room - encouraging her to crawl/walk to find me, letting her be a little indpendant) Your rules, your house. he has to get used it and you need to be able to touch your daughter without him loosing it. He is not too young for timeouts should he get physical with your daughter.

Chantel - posted on 03/11/2009

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Quoting Lori:



The problem is NOT you...he appears to be very insecure with being left by his Mom.  If she sleeps with him at nap, then this is what he is going to want from you.  He could also be going through another little phase of growth. 






I know that when I did daycare, I had to tell the little girl that I was going to the bathroom and actually talk to her while I was away so she would know that I was still in the home.  You could take him with you potty but make him sit on the outside of the door and talk to him.  After he does this for awhile, then move him farther away.  It is going to be a process, unfortunately.  I would also recognize his good behavior with praise and rewards. It goes along way with kids.






In regards to being physical with your daughter.  That is not okay!  I would try to let him know that you have enough hugs for both of them.  If it continues, he would have to have a little consequence.  How is he disciplined at home?  I know he is young, but discipline has to start at this age.  If you are willing to keep trying I would give it a set amount of time and effort, if you don't see a change  I would say that for the safety of your own daughter I would not watch him any longer.






Hope it all works out - Stay strong ~






He is right outside the bathroom door...he starts screaming as soon as it shuts. lol. I'm not sure how he's disciplined at home, I've been doing little time outs which I know he doesn't understand but I don't know what else to do!! My daughter has never had any disciplinary problems....yet.

Jhenny - posted on 03/11/2009

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It will be really hard but you have to put him down and stand your ground. The reason he screams and continues to act that way is because he's learned that you will give in and give him what he wants if he does it. It is really hard the first few times but usually by the third time they learn that it doesn't work. I had the same prob with my nephew.

Chantel - posted on 03/11/2009

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Quoting Nicole:

I'd suggest getting on the same page with the mom and explaining that he is like this because he is spoiled. When he gets like this you both need to start putting him in a seperate room in a play-pin with toys and a blanket and just shut the door and let him cry himself to sleep. Make sure that he has been fed and has a clean diaper so you know nothing is wrong. For awhile its going to be hard but it will get much easier. I made the mistake of spoiling my son and after about a week of trying this when he's put in his play-pin he immediatly either goes to sleep or plays with his toys. It works great. You just have to have the patience to follow thru with it everytime.



I have started doing that actually. He never falls asleep!! He cried for an hour and a half the other day!! His mom said she has tried to let him cry it out but it didn't work. But she gave me free reign to try anything myself. I guess I'll just keep trying:)

Tamara - posted on 03/11/2009

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Quoting Nicole:

I'd suggest getting on the same page with the mom and explaining that he is like this because he is spoiled. When he gets like this you both need to start putting him in a seperate room in a play-pin with toys and a blanket and just shut the door and let him cry himself to sleep. Make sure that he has been fed and has a clean diaper so you know nothing is wrong. For awhile its going to be hard but it will get much easier. I made the mistake of spoiling my son and after about a week of trying this when he's put in his play-pin he immediatly either goes to sleep or plays with his toys. It works great. You just have to have the patience to follow thru with it everytime.


With all due respect, that is borderline abusive.  An 13 month old still does not have the verbal ability to tell you that something is wrong.  His cries are the only way to let you know that there is something amiss even if its something as simple as "I'm lonely, I'm bored, I'm tired, etc."  It's your job to respond to those cries and not ignore them by shutting him in a room alone.

Lori - posted on 03/11/2009

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The problem is NOT you...he appears to be very insecure with being left by his Mom.  If she sleeps with him at nap, then this is what he is going to want from you.  He could also be going through another little phase of growth. 



I know that when I did daycare, I had to tell the little girl that I was going to the bathroom and actually talk to her while I was away so she would know that I was still in the home.  You could take him with you potty but make him sit on the outside of the door and talk to him.  After he does this for awhile, then move him farther away.  It is going to be a process, unfortunately.  I would also recognize his good behavior with praise and rewards. It goes along way with kids.



In regards to being physical with your daughter.  That is not okay!  I would try to let him know that you have enough hugs for both of them.  If it continues, he would have to have a little consequence.  How is he disciplined at home?  I know he is young, but discipline has to start at this age.  If you are willing to keep trying I would give it a set amount of time and effort, if you don't see a change  I would say that for the safety of your own daughter I would not watch him any longer.



Hope it all works out - Stay strong ~

Chantel - posted on 03/11/2009

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Quoting Vanessa:

Does he scream and cry when she comes to pick him up??



Sort of. He cries and runs to her and once she picks him up he's fine but when she tries to put him down just to put his coat on he cries again and wants her to pick him up. I actually started watching him on the reference of his former daycare because she couldn't handle him anymore. She had him for 2 months and he never got better. She told me that his mom carries him all the time.

Margie - posted on 03/11/2009

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We're having the same type of problem with our foster son who's 26 months old. I don't have much of an answer for you at this point...other than we're doing time outs right now for such fits. I think it's a bit more normal for a 13 month old who may not yet get the whole object permanence idea. A behavioral therapist is coming to do an evaluation tomorrow. (He receives early intervention through speech and developmental therapists, and they recommended the behavioral therapist because he can be defiant at times.) Hopefully, she'll have some ideas...if she does, I will definitely pass them along!

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Do you have a stationary walker? Try placing him in there when you leave the room. If he starts to scream, just continue to do your thing. He won't be able to hurt himself or your daughter. He will have to get over it. A little tough love, I guess.

Nicole - posted on 03/11/2009

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I'd suggest getting on the same page with the mom and explaining that he is like this because he is spoiled. When he gets like this you both need to start putting him in a seperate room in a play-pin with toys and a blanket and just shut the door and let him cry himself to sleep. Make sure that he has been fed and has a clean diaper so you know nothing is wrong. For awhile its going to be hard but it will get much easier. I made the mistake of spoiling my son and after about a week of trying this when he's put in his play-pin he immediatly either goes to sleep or plays with his toys. It works great. You just have to have the patience to follow thru with it everytime.

Tamara - posted on 03/11/2009

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Quoting Chantel:



Wear him? Like in a cuddle pack or something? Is that what you mean? Because I don't think that would work. He's a big boy, too heavy to carry around. Thanks for responding though!!





Yeah.  I use a mei tai which is a Chinese style soft carrier to carry my almost 18 month old daughter.



 



http://www.meitaibaby.com/gallery.html



 



You're welcome.  Hope you can get some other ideas. :)

Chantel - posted on 03/11/2009

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Wear him? Like in a cuddle pack or something? Is that what you mean? Because I don't think that would work. He's a big boy, too heavy to carry around. Thanks for responding though!!

Tamara - posted on 03/11/2009

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Hmmmm. Can you possibly wear him? It sounds like he's a very high needs baby that requires a lot of attention. Hopefully some other moms of high needs kiddos will see this and be a little more helpful than I am.

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