Please help my 9 year daughter crys about every thing i ask her to clean her room she crys i am fed up with all the tears if i look at her in the wrong way she crys.

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Julie-anne - posted on 01/22/2009

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Hi Angela,, i think its just girls. as ive got 4 boys an 1 girl, an when i was pregnant for her everyone said you dont want a girl as they only cry, an she is 6 now an cried everyday ov her life, you can try talking. buying going out together an she still crys, i would like some advice as ive tried everything x just girls 4 us x

Anjela - posted on 01/22/2009

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we spend time together on wednesdays when her brother stays at grandmas,

i will try to talk to her then.Thanks

Anne Marie - posted on 01/22/2009

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I think it is hormones...my daughter went through a similar thing about a year ago and she is now turning eleven. I am not particularly good with dealing with her when she cries for now reason so I know how you feel. Eventually it got better. But I tried to talk to her about it when she was not upset and see what other stuff might have been going on..it's a difficult transition from little one to a bigger kid. Sometimes it was just wanting to spend time with me. I guess as they get bigger we forget they still need us. But important to pay attention too as you never know what is going on when you are not around. Touch base with her teacher at school too.

Melinda - posted on 01/22/2009

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I have a daughter who also cries a lot. I even sought out counseling because I was so worried. I tried talking with her, I even planned extra outings with her. It seemed like the more I did the more she cried. Her counselor recommended that I flat out ignore her. That as cruel as it seems tended to work. Apparently, she enjoyed all the attention and kept crying. It's been about a year, and now if she cries it is usually linked to something like being hurt, or premenstral (which isn't all month long.) Anyway, this worked for me. Good luck.

Anjela - posted on 01/22/2009

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im not a single mum but dad works away monday to friday so some times feels like i am.thanks for your kind help will try.

Rachelle - posted on 01/22/2009

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I would just keep a close on here, it could be hormones. I had a friend in school that started her period at the age of 10. She was very emotional.

Carol - posted on 01/22/2009

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Hi Anjela,



I used to be extremely sensitive as a child.  It seemed as if everyone was mad at me or hated me.  I was one of three, so I felt like the third one out and was made fun of and ganged up on at times.    I've since been married and have 5 and don't consider myself personally sensitive anymore, but hopefully am sensitive for others. 



Your daughter  is probably prepubertal which means her hormones are changing.  That could be the reason.



Try not toget "fed up" or angry at her tears.  Try to remember the wonderful gift she is from God befoe you say or do anything.  Thank God for her first, then say or do what you need to -with that loving thought in your head. 



Believe me, even if you don't say angry, hate words, it shows on your face. 



 The Bible says don't take offense.  So please don't.  The only way any of us can improve is to think, "Is this true of me?  Or not. "  If this is true, try to change.  If it isn't true, say, "I don't agree with you."  Truth will set you free.



Another thought, you could say,  "I'm going to do the dishes (or whatever), while you pick up 10 things in your bedroom."    'Cleaning your room' is such a general term and sooo big a request if the room is really a mess.  It's so much easier to do it in parts.  If someone told me to clean my closet, I would want to cry.  I would probably break it up into 20-minute increments, or just one side, or just the floor, or the shelf at each cleaning spurt. 



Another idea is to say, "How about we clean your room together, then you can help me bake cookies."  



Try these ideas if you want. 



How is her health?  Is she getting vitamins (good, especially in the winter).  Is she tired a lot?  Has she had a check up - which usually includes a blood count and urine test which can show up the majority of problems with children.  (I became a nurse  when my children were all in school).



Are you a single mother?  That in itself is pretty overwhelming, I know, as one of our daughters was in that category.  I hope you are healthy and taking vitamins.  I couldn't function without my vitamins.  I also hope you have others to support you.  Being a parent is the hardest job in the world. 



God bless you, Anjela.  I hope this helped.



Carol  



 

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Sitting down with her and asking her calmly (not while she's crying but when she's in a good mood) why she thinks she cries so much and how she feels when she is crying.  It may be difficult at first but asking her to try to think about what she is feeling the next time she is crying may help her to be able to verbalize what she is so unhappy about.  Making sure she knows its ok to cry (and express all emotions) is also important. 

Tricia - posted on 01/22/2009

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Hey Angela! You should check out Love and Logic. It's a great program. You can ask at your local Social Services or find them on the web.

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