PLEASE HELP MY DAUGHTER MAY BE BEING MOLESTED

[deleted account] ( 112 moms have responded )

Ok, so cps and everyone knows about this incident that JUST happend but this is a little info about previous to now events.

On Xmas day 2010 my now ex husband was arrested for domestic violence, cutting of a telephone line, and suspected child abuse on my now 3 1/2 old daughter. Once he was arrested all of my in laws came to me with threats and more threats so badly I was scared for my life! Not to mention my ex always said if ever I turned him in he would KILL me!

So, I felt scared so the advise I got from state troopers as well as local sheriffs was to take my daughter and go to a safe home before her father got out of jail. So we did.In January 2011 the safe home paid our way to travel back to my home state 3000 miles away.

In April 2011 I got a letter from the prosecuter that all of the charges were dismissed because they felt we were in a safe place back home and that her father could not hurt us anymore. Soon after getting this letter, her father showed up at my dads doorstep looking for me!!! And, as stupid as this sounds, I fell for his lies of I'm sorry I'm sorry and like an idiot I came back to Michigan. Three days after being back in our marital home, he lashed out at me again. So, I had to take my daughter and go stay in another home! And, in the same month I ended up filing for divorce.

Eventually after time I got a place of my own and a new relationship which landed me into becoming pregnant and him leaving me. I got very sick with that pregnancy and became completely on bed rest starting at 9 weeks pregnant.

I went to court for custody and even after everything that happened I was basically forced into giving my ex husband 50 50 custody according to my attorney which I believe didn't do his job to get us that! So, ever since than - the judge says she goes to her fathers EVERY weekend!

During this time, my daughter started telling me that her daddy was touching her! She was complaining of her bottem hurting all of the time and it was very red and raw looking. I took her to the doctors and because her heimn was still intacted they said the red looked like yeast and if she was being molested on the outside theres no way of telling whether or not it's really going on.

My gut feeling was to call cps so I did - the same woman from before came to my apartment and interigated me hardcore! That woman was screaming in my face that I was making false accusations just so I could go home and be with my family!! I told her that's not the case at all - I am looking out for the safety of my daughter! And she told me there is nothing that they can do because they cannot take a girl my daughters age seriously so even if it is happening it will have to keep happening until she is of age to be taken seriously!!! WTF!!!

After that, everything got quiet for awhile - my daughter stopped saying things.

In January 2011 I found an apartment in a bigger city closer to my doctors so I moved into it than. I met and started dating a new guy. He was very good to me and after meeting my daughter very good to her.

In March 2011 I became extremely ill and being that I have no family here the best thing was to move in with my boyfriend at the time so that his family could help me as well as help me with my daughter.

All was good. And in April I gave birth to a very healthy premie little girl. Soon after having her, I landed a job that I absolutely love.

It's January 2013 now and my daughter mentioned to me one night of tucking her into bed that her daddy had touched her ______ and it was an accident!!! She also has been complaining of her bottem hurting again. Her bottem has been very red and Ive just been treating it like yeast and putting the old medications they gave me before on it and vaseline which makes it feel better.
Every time I bring her to her dads he calls me yelling at me saying I must not bathe her daily or keep her clean enough for her to be complaining of her bottem hurting. Yeah right, I told him I know how to mother my children and she is bathed daily and always in clean condition with clean clothes - I've never heard complaints!
All these months of nothing and than this!!!! This last time of coming from her dads she has been acting very different and angry almost like. I also talked to her teacher and she said she has noticed a change so they are writing a referral for her to see a phsycologist or however you spell it.

I told my sweet little girl that when someone does that it's never an accident I told her to say NO DADDY the next time because if he is doing that he should have the mindset to hear that and STOP :( But than, my mom told me that she could just be saying that for attention to..... cps knows because a family member told I guess. But, what do I believe??????

I really need someone to give me advice because is she to young to be taken seriously?????

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Leah - posted on 01/14/2013

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I am a nurse and have worked in pediatrics and ER. I am not a SANE nurse (Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner) but have worked along side many. If your daughter has never seen one after coming home from her Dad's and having increased redness, soreness, etc.. Then maybe you should take her to see one when this happens. Every ER has a SANE nurse available to them... They may travel to the ER to see only one patient, or they may work for that ER themselves. A simple call to the ER will let you know where to find one. The evidence they collect is admissible in court. They will take clothing etc if any visible evidence in on them. Take pictures of your daughter before she goes and when she comes home. Maybe find a stuffed animal that you can hide a video camera or a recorder in that is voice activated that your daughter won't know about and neither will your ex-husband. If the social worker for CPS is not being helpful, ask to have a new one assigned or meet with their manager. You have to protect your daughter at all cost. You are her advocate. You brought her ultimately into this world and need to be realize that it is your God given responsibility to protect her at all cost. I know this is not easy and you have tried various routes. But you can't give up and let this continue if it is happening. I promise you children don't make up accusations at this age. If your pediatrician is not taking you seriously, then find another one. You need to at least be able to prove enough concern that his visitation needs to be changed to supervised visitation. You owe that to your daughter to not give up until at least this is reached. I am not judging you by no means, but I am a parent and I promise you that I would exhaust every breath I have and every dime I make to ensure my children are safe. So, I hope some of this helps.

Janessa - posted on 01/18/2013

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She is not too young to be taken seriously, if anything it is the opposite. Kids are way too innocent to know what is really going on, so if they are complaining about things like that, I would fight and fight to bring it to light, and as soon as possible, I could not bare to send my daughter there if I thought things were happening like that. It angers me they are not taking this more seriously.

Anna - posted on 01/15/2013

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Robin: I am new to navigating this site, but if you know of a way to contact me personally, please do! I would love to privately share with you things that have been or are helping me...but due to the nature of this thread & age of this child, I didn't feel it appropriate to name off all I have been through, other than to say PTSD is not understood unless experienced, and even then, one often does not know why they feel the way they do. It comes in cycles for me as well...and can be the worst hell I can imagine at times...and for so long I felt there was no hope...but on my own I made a change, based on research, that was the beginning of light for me...now, just a few months later, something new is being introduced to me, something appropriate for an 11 yr old...when handled appropriately! Please message me on here...if you know how, or write back to this & I will give you my email address, if that is allowed! I honestly hurt at the thought of this young girl facing the same feelings and thoughts that I, as an adult, have faced...it can be paralyzing and terrifying to an adult; it pains me to even think what it could do to a young mind. Plus, mine is now called "C-PTSD" (C= chronic and/ or complex...comes from years of suffering....and harder to come back from.) If I can share anything with ypu that perhaps has not been mentioned as a possibility, please, help me find a way to do so, as I have walked this road far too long....it has changed me, as an adult, a child can't grow up with this-without an effective treatment-it can and will kill her. It's almost killed me. But, the first major thing I did literally was privately a fight for my very life...but it has stabilized me to be ready now to take this next step, that has high hopes of turning my life around (and no, its not meds!!! In fact, I quit so much of that & have tried darn near everything to get better...now, I'm seeing a little light...for the first time in years! Please contact me, if you know how! (I'm so new, maybe I just need to browse around more, but if you know of a way to send me a private message, I WANT to help your family and this girl...I know what she is dealing with and I know how hard it is to explain, even as an adult, to other adults...unless they have experienced it or are close to someone who has.) Look forward to helping you find help and to save this poor girl...really, it breaks my heart.

Desserae - posted on 01/15/2013

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Maybe send her with a teddy cam? Tell her to always sleep with it and never let it out of her sight. You'll physically catch him!

Christine - posted on 01/14/2013

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Also, If there is a Behavioral health facility or if you can contact a child therapist or psychologist you can have your child seen by them. At least after your child is interviewed by a licensed person it can give leverage to make CPS or the police to take action. Their is also Advocates in each state and most counties have to have advocates that can assist with services for a child being victimized. It is all very complicated and most people do not realize how hard it is to prove not so obvious victimization. But if a child speaks it regardless of the out come all parties, parent, CPS, police, and schools are responsible.

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S. - posted on 01/21/2013

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Hi Natalie, I just wondered if there's any up date in the last 4 days since she was due to go to her day's then?
Has she seen the psychologist yet?
Iv noticed a lot of the mum s have suggested a nanny cam type thing! Maybe that's not a bad idea since no officials are helping you.
You and your daughter are truly in my thoughts.

Samantha - posted on 01/20/2013

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Wish I can help! Living in two different countries with two different sets of laws not easy. My daughter had to go for an internal examination under anesthetic to check if her hymen was intact. Her hymen is folded, but wasn't torn. The doctors here say that at her age the hymen heals itself. Also in South Africa, if you are penetrated with any object - it is considered rape. Surface touching is molestation. The only problem in South Africa is when the case goes to court they take their time, and the kids are not allowed to be counseled. Have you considered taking her to a child psychologist or a private social worker. They have amazing ways to get details out of children.

Anna - posted on 01/18/2013

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Natalie: Speaking as a mother whose ex is the father of a powerful judge: thought SHE has not been molested, and is now 14, there has been 2 weekends where he dis something to.really.upset her, and she called me to immediately come get het-on HIS weekends. So, either feR (though his family is very wealthy and legally powerful) I picked her up each time- knowing though not as serious as your situation, I was asking on her best interest...and I think there is something about the age of 14 in AL, where I live, but BELIEVE ME, he sure threatened me with court, getting arrested, you name it (though I'm the sole custodian, he has visitation, and honestly, her issues paled by comparison to yours...but just to say, though my girl.may have been protected (I think?) by her age, what *I* did was in her best interest, and I believe even her legally glamorous father knew so,LY NO CHARGES, nothing to do with family court as he threatened, etc had ever happened. So though I don't know your states laws, I DO know ypu are beinues, scared athreatened, and your child's father knows it+ok, that was supposed to say BULLIED but I can't fix it! Do NOT BE AFRAID! This.is wron and you ate NPT ALONE....forget about CPS...GO TO YOUR LOCAL POLICE-GET A PAPER TRAIL SYARTED WITH THEM-YOU WILL BE PUT IN TPUCH WITH THIER SEX CRIMES DETECTIVE-I WOULD NOT ALLOW HER TO GO.THETE NE MOTE TI.E, JUST GO.TO.THE POLICE INSTEAD, AND THEN MAYBE GO STAY WITH A FRIEND OR SOMEO HE WON'T SUSPECT, OR A FRIEND WHO WILL NOT OPEN THE DOOR OF HE FOGIRS IT OUT INSTEAD WILL CALL 911 & ONCE OFFICETS ARE BRIEFED ON THE IMMEDOAYE SIRUATION-LEAVE EVERYTHING ELSE OUT-THEY WOLL ESCORT JOM FROM I'M SORRY HIM FROM.THAT PROPERTY. (my phone is screwing up.typing!).You WILL NOT BE ARRESTED! BECAAUSE A) That, when warranted, and proven-whicIF YOU GO TODAY AND FILE A TWLIMINARY REPORT-PLUS REAL ARRESTS FOR DENIAL OF VISOTATION, EYC. TAKE A PRICESS TGROUGJ FAMILY.COURT-AGAIN DON'T LET HIM BULLY YOU!!! IF YOU.ARE PROTECTONHNG HER AND DON'T.BE SCARED. REMEMBER: I.POSTED EARLIER I'M.AM ADULT VICYIM/SURVIBOR, BIT ALSO THE MOTHER OF A CHILD DOING THE HISITATION THING UP.AGAINST A LEGALLY POWERFUL.FAMILY. Contact me personally if you'd like. I'm sooooo sorry my stupid phone has made so many grammatical & punctuation errors, it wo.t let me correct them, but please, my hope is you got the gist! Much luck.& love! BE BRAVE!!!!!

Cristina - posted on 01/17/2013

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Natalie, I'm really concerned. Do you need me to call any of the numbers I posted and get contact names for you. I"m really concerned about your daughter. I have found that people won't listen unless you call them several times. Can you keep calling the police until you find someone who has some kind of loop hole so you can take your daughter back until this is resolved? I find when I don't get the answer I want if you talk to enough people there is always a way.

Cristina - posted on 01/17/2013

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Have you tried talking to the new girlfriend? Have you called any of the numbers I posted? I sent that girl in the womens group your state and she is looking into it.

Cecilia - posted on 01/17/2013

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Yes if they find you, you might get arrested. Truth is they aren't going to look to hard for you. It is a legal kidnapping. I've done it.... I'm willing to go to jail to protect my child. I moved told no one where i was. Began working online so i wouldn't need to use my social security number.. got through 10 years before anyone found me.Even then, no one arrested me. I told the "person" who found me why i left without notification to the courts.So then i had to tell court where i was. They do not tell him where i am.Just sayin'.

[deleted account]

I cant take my daughter from her father until something is proven cus i would be arrested ! how messed up is that? And basicaly you need a degree to prove that wtf is wrong with people??

[deleted account]

So here is an update.. Saw the cps worker. Nothing they can do but they will keep the investigation open. Talked to friend of the court. Said it could be anything! He said my daughter cant be taken seriously. I feel soo helpless and now she sees her dads tonighte. I took in her to see her doc and they said 1 out of 100 people with cases like this - usually one father gets arrested. Mostely all cases like myne they are being touched and most all cases nothing can be found or taken seriously with her age.

Cristina - posted on 01/17/2013

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I posted this link to a womens group I belong to. Someone posted back and said her husband can help you find a lawyer that can help you. Can you let me know what state you are in? We really want to help you.

Cristina - posted on 01/16/2013

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I am so sorry this is happening to you. You can't let your daughter keep getting hurt like that. Please please please try and protect her. I found a few sites that might be able to help.
Child Help USA: 1-800-4-A-CHILD
National Childrens Alliance 1-800-239-9950
Rape Abuse Insect National Network (RAINN) 1-800-hope
Stop it now! 1-888-prevent

Have you tried talking to a lawyer? Please call these organizations and keep up posted. I am preying for you to find strength, courage and someone to help you and your daughter.

FoxyMom - posted on 01/16/2013

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if you can't afford a lawyer, most states have legal aid that offers free help for cases like this. Never hurts to ask

Laura - posted on 01/16/2013

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Get your child's medical records. Document every contact you have with your ex, the school, whoever, in a spiral notebook. Make sure you have names. Let your daughter see the psychologist. Call your local domestic violence program. Let them know your situation. Many of these programs have legal advocates who can go to court with you for free to help you with your visitation situation. I am a school Social Worker. Good luck with this.

Diane - posted on 01/16/2013

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It's good the medicine seemingly makes her feel better. I understand the judge's decision, since you had made the decision to take him back once before. I'm curious as to whether they had a specialized social worker or nurse interview your daughter about what was happening, and if she was able to recount it without sounding like she was unsure? I think you need to first, find a counselor for both you and your child. If money is an issue, perhaps partial payments will work, or, perhaps your local women's and children's alliance, or, federal agency for healthcare can provide you with access to someone. Clearly you both need help professionally in sorting this out, because you haven't been able to do it on your own. Get on to this asap. If you have a professional in your corner, then the next time you see a judge, and she can make this happen very quickly, trust me, you will be better prepared to deal with your ex and this whole mess.

Trish - posted on 01/16/2013

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have her draw a picture or several of the things places and things that her daddy does. Don't prompt her as to what she needs to draw. Be every generic. Ask her to draw pictures of why she got mad as well. this is not only therapeutic for her. but will give you proof of what you need. One thing you want to make absolutely sure you don't do is give her leading questions, like does daddy put his fingers on your pee pee. Ask her to draw things that would be in her age group to understand.

Sue Du - posted on 01/16/2013

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Hi please take your child for therapy. There is no such thing as accidently. You can also contact the Child Protection Unit for help. Go to any Social Worker they will also help you and your child. Please do not ignore your child or wait and always BELIEVE YOUR CHILD a child is never to young for any thing not in todays life!!! My child was also molested bur not penetrated it all comes out in play therapy. BELIEVE YOUR CHILD AND START ACTING!!!

Andrea - posted on 01/16/2013

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U should believe ur daughter. I don't know how the system works out there with u, but in the uk you go to the police not the CPS. And the way the CPS lawyer spoke to you, I would be putting in a complaint. Stop access until u are satisfied that this is sorted. What is ur gut feeling. U know ur ex and u Know ur daughter. What do u think???? If u believe this to be true, I can assure u my daughter would not be spending another second with her father.
Please don't ignore it, u don't owe ur ex anything anyway, if ur daughter made it up there's a reason. They don't come out with things like that for no reason! Keep ur child safe!

Sunitha - posted on 01/16/2013

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Yes you have to fight for her and stand on this ....why should your child be a victim, God has given you little angel protect her and fight for the cause .

Catrina - posted on 01/16/2013

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Yea. That is somthing 4 -5 year olds dont make up. I wish I could have told that young. Believe her and do everything you can forher. I know you will. Be safe and your daughter as well

Sunitha - posted on 01/15/2013

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Listen to your daughter ...kids will never lie on such things, may be you have to give her more attention and focus on her small details on daily basis.

Kaari - posted on 01/15/2013

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Dear Natalie B

Please stand up and defend your daughter. The challenge looks insurmountable but YES YOU CAN! You mentioned that only God can protect her when she goes to see her father but God uses people. In this case you are the person he wants to use to protect her. I urge you to stand between your ex husband and your daughter .... And just David faced Goliath ....bring this giant down!

You cannot let her go and then pray for her.... Draw a line in the sand and say "No more Not on my watch."

There are organization that you can approach to help you reverse the custody so your daughter is not harmed any more. I will look up on Internet and forward you information.


KK

Robin - posted on 01/15/2013

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Thank you Anna she has also tried to cut her self years later after this molestation and attempted hanging. Me and my sister took her to the hospital. She is better now. My niece is happier now. but it comes in cycles. We watch her closely. Thank you for your kind words.

Anna - posted on 01/15/2013

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A followup thought: look into a rape hotline; long before I outed my abuse, I had a friend who worked at one of these places, and believe me, they will have resources & contacts to offer you...and likely friends in places like CPS or your police department or family court; places who care about the CHILD, not anyone else! And I read above about an 11 yr old suffering PTSD b/c of it all...that broke my heart as I'm a 34 yr old adult, who has been battling PTSD for far too long...almost given up on myself many times, but fortunately, I have begin to find the right help. But what I would have given to never have suffered from this incomprehensible monster called PTSD...those around me don't understand it..and I hate it, but am taking difficult, sometimes scary, new steps to overcome it...please, please, do whatever it takes-do NOT fear the law & threats at this time b/c ultimately, you are saving your daughter and once you get the right folks on your side, EVERYTHING you did-even breaking visitation orders-will be understood & you won't be faulted. You will win, but you have to be strong and fearless right now-it WILLpay off!! Get help NOW! Do not let another weekend go by...you never know when the perp will escalate the abuse...you must believe & protect her...trust me, I know this all too well. Just DO NOT FEAR AND BELIEVE BELIEVE BELIEVE!!!

Robin - posted on 01/15/2013

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Sorry to reply again but I am proud of the fight you are doing for your child. God gave you that little angel for a reason. You must fight for her. My mother also was molested as a child she broke down at 13 when her sister Ann died. she became a biopolar and Schizophrenia. As a child I was raised by her but she was married to a violent man who would beat her and me. I grew up and had violent relationships. I now remain single. raising my 10 year old daughter. Your child;s father;s family are very evil, along with her father. The fruit doesn't fall far from the tree. Their is the Cary Lyne Center where I live in Rockford Illinois It is a center to help determine if a child has been molested. I will pray for you and your child I know how hard life is. Is there any way your family can help you? Let me know how things go. But keep fighting and do not give up she is your gift from God. Stick up for her.


The the ramifications of what happens to your little girl will set the precedence for rest of her life.

Robin - posted on 01/15/2013

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I think he is molesting her. tell a doctor, have a doctor take a look. this is serious. Her life is in danger. You sound like you have a no help from your family. I know when a child is giving you clues then yes this is molestation. It happened to my sister and someone at church was molesting her little 2 1/2 year old. the case went to the police. a doctor looked at her and said that her private area was not hurt but this monster tried to smoother my little niece and left marks all over her face. This monster skipped state and was never prosecuted because my niece was too small to talk. but she told me and her mother. so now she is 11 and has years of help from doctors. but she has suffered from ptsd. and did see things from this horrible experience. But the small marks on her face has healed but you can still see some of them. my sister guards her now and doe not go to church. She also had no family support. Listen from me yes your child is being molested get help asap. take her to the emergency room. or call a rape help line.

Jennifer - posted on 01/15/2013

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Go on Dr. Phil or Steve Wilkos. They will drill his a** and they do lie detector tests and you can get him for abusing his child. They will arrest him there. Your daughter is so young and your her voice. Speak loudly for her and eventually someone will hear you. Not all young children your daughters age will make something like that up, compared to an older child who is looking for attention. I have a daughter the same age and I would do anything to fight for her safety. If the teachers are noticing her behavior has changed have them notify child protection if they are concerned if cps is trying to put it on you, putting all of this in your daughters head. Teachers are mandated to report anything unusual in a childs behavior if they suspect any kind of abuse.
Document and take photos of the abuse and have the teachers do reports on her behavior and any withdrawls. Keep fighting for your daughter before its too late and something worse happens.

Anna - posted on 01/15/2013

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What an awful situation you are in, and my heart and empathy is with you...though I cannot help much with most of it, I do BEG you please hear me on this: I don't care her age--BELIEVE YOUR DAUGHTER!!! Not only have I heard this other places, but, o have lived it, myself....only I was the victim, just a small child, with no where to turn. I let silence and anger and rebellion distance me from this monster (my father.) I tried in my 20's to reach out for help, but I was looking in the wrong places. Then I married a wonderful man, and 4 years after we were married I feel like I "cracked"...I opened up to him...long story short, and this was so surreal at the time- my father was arrested on my 30th birthday. And I had a wonderful detective working with me, who helped me to see how remarkable it was that I not only managed to build a life away from this monster, but how few women & girls actually speak up-even he said if a child reports anything of this nature, YOU DEFAULT TO BELIEVING THEM. And you go from there. He also said, when I admitted I felt foolish for waiting until I was 30 to speak up, that is another common thing they see: a girl whosurvives to adulthood, reaches a place where they are comfortable and feel safe in life, and THEN they open up, so he wasn't phased or surprised at all. But, I learned that if a child says ANYTHING questionable, to take it seriously- because the statistics are very much in favor the child is telling the truth; extremely few would dare lie or even speak of these things (for ex, my 2 youngest, ages 4 & 6, have no idea this type of horror exists; so if one of them were to ever say anything, no doubt, i would be camped out at the police station. I sincerely hope you start by simply loving and BELIEVEING your little girl, and then go to battle, whatever that means, to protect her...no one did that for me, and I pray your daughter does not have to grow up with this horrible secret, it can really mess things up for her. No matter the outcome, her knowing that mommy loves and believes her and will do anything to keep her safe with do a great deal of healing in itself. Do what you have to do: But above all, don't doubt for a SECOND that she is lying...something like for every 1 child who speaks out, there are 8-9 who are suffering silently. Your daughter is brave by telling you this. I am proud of her! Don't let all these other people & variables & even threats stop ypu from believing her. My own mother admitted, on tape, to police, of knowing things even back when I was a minor that were shocking; she knew this happened but even in court, she stared at me, stone cold. It was that day I decided she lost the privilege of calling me daughter...she failed to protect me as a child, and then stood by a criminal instead of her daughter as I was attacked in court. Please, get help-for both of you. But promise me that for not one more second will you question your daughter's accusations. And, sparing details, sexual abuse takes many forms, work a high amount NOT leaving any physical proof, that may be a coincidence, but to be safe & prepared, get it documented... Even if its unrelated to her reports, that's not for you to decide. Your police department should have a Sex Crimes Detective, and that is the ONLY person there you should be dealing with. I am still close friends with " my detective" today; and I promise you-all you do is tell them what your daughter has said, when, how often, how long, and they will figure it out. They know the law-dont let anyone convince you otherwise. Take care, and may you both find peace.

Nina - posted on 01/15/2013

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I'm sorry you are going through this. Your daughter is reaching out for help she is not lying. Tell a doctor, show a doctor and encourage the doctor to call cps.

Marisa - posted on 01/15/2013

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I am truly sick to my stomach for you. What a horrible situation. You are that little girls mother & know her better then anyone. I think you know the answer, but have too many "forces" against you. Please keep fighting. Wouldn't you rather make a huge stink and be wrong rather then no fight and be right? I wish you and your family all the best. Be strong for yourself and your daughter.

Karen - posted on 01/15/2013

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Use your ex's past history and any legal and police reports about his behavior to file for sole custody. Do not let the child stay overnight with your ex. Going to a psychologist is an excellent idea.
As a parent you must do everything possible to protect your child - and the rights of the child should come before the rights of the (offending) parent.
I wish the authorities would listen when a parent goes to them to say there is abuse but most of the time they don't want to know. If nothing is done the child ends up with emotional scars. So fight as hard as you can for your daughter. I wish you success.

Robin - posted on 01/15/2013

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Sounds like a lot of instability and drama. Please get counseling for yourself and your daughter! Not only for obvious reasons, but mandated reporters, such as licensed counselors, etc. are mandated to report suspected abuse. That means that if anything is said to them that suggests the possibility of abuse, (s)he is supposed to report it to the state child abuse hotline.

Kelly - posted on 01/15/2013

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Take her and yourself to a reputable therapist that specializes in sexual abuse.

Rebekah - posted on 01/15/2013

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The idea with the dolls is a good one - children are more likely to imitate whats going on - if anything.. even subconsiously.. so watching her play - or draw then ask her to explain her picture to you. :) I really hope that nothing is going on - she could have worms - or sore bum might be from different foods she eats at his house? Like kiwifruit does for some people.. or acidic foods for children - can make her wees acidic too and it burns their skin a bit when they wee.. - good luck hun - I hope everything is ok. - Beks

Jeanette - posted on 01/15/2013

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Oh and request a different CPs worker.. And make a complaint on the one that you have been dealing with no matter the kids age they still need to investigate! Your child's well being is and will be affected by this..

Jeanette - posted on 01/15/2013

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If my 3 1/2 yr old told me I would believe her.. Kids don't want that kind of attention they don't want people to know about their abouse and I would remind your daughter what her private parts are and that no one should touch them. And it is ok for her to tell anyone that touch them to stop and it is her private part only she's allowed to touch it.. If she's lieing and you start questioning her eventually her story will change.. Don't put words in her mouth just question.. Hope this helps

Theresa - posted on 01/15/2013

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First let me say how sorry I am for u and ur baby. Sad to say it happened to be when I was young and they said the same thing to my mom at the time. My mother ended up getting a restraining order on him. Yes he also had rights to me but with the order he could not see me and I started healing. She took pictures before and after. When my mom had to let me go back he see him. The same thing she took more pictures. She took all the pics to the with her to the police and dfs and they finally started to see what was going on and he was charged. I pray that thing work out and ur daughter can get away from hell. She will never be the same but with u there she will make through this HELL..

Samantha - posted on 01/15/2013

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My daughter was molested by her father when she was 34 months old. She never told me, because he threatened her. I had to take her to a social worker to find out why she was acting out. We only found out after she turned 4 years old - 14 months after it happened, she showed the social worker what her father did to her. She is now 7 years old and still remembers eveything. She even told me in December 2012 how it felt when her hymen broke, and that she bled. Our kids don't get sex ed yet, and I have not spoken to her about these things yet either. She reckons her father "poked a hole" through her skin.

Get help for your little girl - fast fast fast! My daughter pushed me away, because she blamed me for what happened. Her father and I were divorced at the time, and I forced her to visit him, because here in South Africa the fathers can have the mothers arrested for denying them access to the child. So I forced her.

Do not for one moment believe that your daughter is not telling the truth.

I hope you find someone that'll help your little Angel!

Thinking of you!

Good luck!

Maria - posted on 01/15/2013

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No parent accidentally touches a private area of a child and says it's an accident ... that is plain Bull$h!t!!!!!! You need to get a small camera in a teddy bear or something that no one knows about that she has when she is with him. It seems the only way to expose these rat bastards is shining a light ... and video footage is the best ... or sound recording the next. When it comes to our children know this ... even if someone makes another person feel bad about their body ... it is considered SEXUAL ABUSE. I did not know this until my social worker pointed it out. Never be silent ... if you suspect something ...your mom radar is right on ... DO NOT ALLOW THIS TO CONTINUE ... our children only have us as their voice!!!!! Good luck! Hope this has helped

Lara - posted on 01/15/2013

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Without mentioning it to your daughter, put some kind of sound-activated nannycam device or recorder into her favorite stuffed toy that she takes with her to her father's place, or buy her a new stuffed toy and insert the device. Don't let your daughter know. Then, if you get any visual or audio proof, you can use that to get cps or a lawyer or a school phychiatrist to belive you. It may not be admissable in court, but at least it could get the ball seriously rolling.

Tabitha - posted on 01/15/2013

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YOU SHOULD ALWAYS BELIVE YOUR CHILD!!! YES THEY WANT ATTENTION BUT NEVER IN THAT WAY. IF THAT BABY HAS CAME TO YOU SAYING HE HAS TOUCHED HER YOU BELIVE THAT AND NEVER SECOND GUESS YOURSELF EVER. PEOPLE MAY NOT BELIVE HER BUT YOUR HER MOTHER AND SHE NEEDS YOU OF ALL PEOPLE TO BELIVE IN HER. AS OF CPS THEY DON'T KNOW YOUR CHILD LIKE YOU DO SHE IS NOT TO YOUNG TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY!!! YOU NEED TO TALK TO HER AND LET HER KNOW THAT NOONE SHOULD TOUCH HER DOWN THERE EVER FOR ANY REASON. YOU ALSO NEED TO TALK TO HER AND LET HER KNOW THAT HE CAN'T HURT YOU OR THE NEW BABY. CAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE TO ME HE HAS TOLD HER IF SHE TELLS ON HIM HE WILL HURT YOU AND EVERYONE SHE LOVES. PLEASE DO SOMETHING FOR HER IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE A GOOD MOTHER YOU JUST NEED SOME HELP WITH ALL THAT'S GOING ON. IF YOU NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO I AM HERE FOR YOU I WENT THREW THIS AS A CHILD AND I HATE TO SEE ANOTHER GO THREW IT. HERE IF YOU NEED TO VENT TABBY

Onyeche - posted on 01/15/2013

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What is happening to your daughter should never happen. My heart is bleeding so badly for you two (You will be in my prayers). I have a three year-old as well.

She is too young to be making that sort of stuff up. And such complaints are meant to be taken seriously no matter the age.

Do not let her go over there again. File again for full custody. I suggest also filing an suit against CPS.

In any case, take her for counselling.

Are you part of a faith-community (Christian, Islam)? I would suggest speaking to your local leader about this. You have to rely on God to help you both through this. As you said, only He can make all of this work out.

LaChelle - posted on 01/15/2013

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fight for your daughter!! She's too young to even know about that stuff, how and why would she be making it up? yes every child wants attention but not this way and not unless shes been talked to about this stuff (I cant imagine why someone would talk about this stuff to a child so young) she shouldnt know anything unless something is actually going on. FIGHT FOR YOUR DAUGHTER!!

Judith - posted on 01/14/2013

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I am so sorry for yours and your daughter's awful situation. You mentioned that CPS went to your ex's home. Then after your daughter was with her dad she was showing concern for you, your daughter and your fiance. And now she won't even talk to you about it. Seems to me that her dad probably threatened to harm you if she talked. She's trying to protect you. If that's the case you need to reassure her that he can't hurt you [even if you're not sure] and you are the person who will protect her and her sister to no ends. It sounds like a difficult situation and I wish you the strength and perseverance to get your daughter away from this man.

Cecilia - posted on 01/14/2013

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What I would honestly do is take my child and leave. Leave the state. don't tell anyone where you're at, don't tell them you're going. The state doesn't want to protect her then you do it. I know he has custody also but who cares! Let the law come after you, if they do call the news station where your at and tell everyone what happened and why you left and broke a court order. Make them listen!

Patricia Ann - posted on 01/14/2013

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Hi Natalie,im proud of you for doing what you feel you need to do ,you go girl.......

Christine - posted on 01/14/2013

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I work with many young victims of sexual abuse and no matter the age or the accused perpretrator that child needs to be taken seriously. Most children do not speak up and they suffer horrific trauma from sexual abuse, which carries over into adulthood. if your daughter is telling you what is happening you are to protect her and continuously contact CPS. It's only a matter of time before the "just touching" turns to assault. HEAR YOUR CHILD AND GET HER HELP! If she were my child there would be not a second of hesitation to keep her safe. You can contact the police. Get your doctor to write a statement. And contact CPS until they take you seriously. But do not do nothing and subject your child to be further victimized.

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