please i need some help on a miscarriage

Alana - posted on 11/08/2011

Sarah, the range of emotions does come with the loss of a child/baby at any age. I, too, lost a baby at 12 weeks in March 2006. It was hard at the time to be around others who were pregnant, but they all respected my loss and didn't seem to shove it in my face that they had a baby and I didn't. I agree with the other ladies, your auntie is being inconsiderate of you and your feelings. Maybe she thinks you're over it by now, but she needs to know that her showing pics of her daughters' baby hurts. Maybe even walk away when she starts to do that. As for the range of emotions, they are normal for a while, but if it persists, I'd see your doctor and have your hormone levels tested, b/c any inbalance can cause those the emotion roller coaster, too. A friend of mine who also miscarried started a journal that was written to her baby, telling her how she felt. Maybe that will help with the emotions; get them down on paper. This friend read these journal entries to a group of ladies (years after her loss), and it was beautiful. She expressed in words all the emotions and feelings I never could, except in tears. Praying for your heart and mind to know the peace that passes understanding.

Leah - posted on 11/08/2011

My heart is breaking for you. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I pray you're healed a little each day. I lost my dual pregnancies about 2 months ago... life is not the same. I don't know if it ever will be.

Meggan - posted on 11/08/2011

I lost my son at 7 months...it is perfectly normal. The important part is you allow yourself time to move past the grieving process. Identify your feelings and hurt and don't take it out on your loved ones. You will get through this, and the pain will be less as time passes.

Lisa - posted on 11/08/2011

Sorry for your loss Sarah. It is a very natural reaction. I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks. That August around the time that my baby had been due I found myself feeling very sad even though by that time I was 5 months along with a healthy pregnancy. It was my baby and I still grieved for never knowing that little soul.

Rosaleen - posted on 11/08/2011

Hi, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Everyone reacts in different ways so please don't be hard on yourself. I had a miscarraige almost 10 years ago and looking back it took me almost a year to get over it, I think I will always remember that baby and sometimes say what if...and remember Birthdays etc even though I have 3 fantastic kids since then. My asdvise is talk to your partner about it, try and get some fresh air...make yourself get out even if it;s hard. Finally don't be afraid to talk to you Dr if you feel yourself slipping. Best Wishes, R

Terri - posted on 11/08/2011

My daughter lost her first child in March of 2009. Her first child and our first grandchild. She was 5 months along, went in for her regular visit and could not hear the heartbeat. It was a very, very hard time in all of our lives. Fortunately, the hospital introduced us to the Share Program for Infant Loss. We have gotten involved with them and really love the support and activities they provide. Check them out at http://www.nationalshare.org/ GOOD LUCK AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU!!

Heather - posted on 11/08/2011

Hi there, Sarah :)

Having a miscarriage is a difficult time to go through - I know that I have thought back many times through the years about a miscarriage I had a long time ago, often wondering if I could have done things differently - what the baby would have been like, its gender, etc (this was back in the 80's). What really sustained me was the fact that I am a Believer, and relied on God to see me through. This gave me peace in times of worrying and disappointment. I've wondered too, whether this was not for the best, as perhaps something would have gone 'wrong'? The 'blues' are difficult to go through - I am sure that speaking to your GP would help? Perhaps you could be referred to someone who can help you talk it all through? Meantime, I trust that you will gain peace about your loss, and that the years forward will be blessed by a little one to love and be loved by! You are NOT alone! Be encouraged. :) Heather

Yvette - posted on 11/08/2011

Yes it would be definetly hard my best friend delivered the same month I had my miscarrage which her son is my godson it was definte hard I didn't even want to hold him at first or here about what new thing he was doing but it will get easier over time u can try to explain to tem how u feel or u can try to deal with it a best as u can but over time the pain will get easier and the feeling of not wanting to be around others with there babies will get easier u just have to take it one day at a time

Bethany - posted on 11/08/2011

I've had several miscarriages...the first one was the worst. Keep your head up....you will find peace one day. My prayers are with you.

Donna - posted on 11/08/2011

im sorry to hear that, i too lost 2 babies and think about them everyday, it`s normal especally round the time their due, stay strong :)

Betty ( BJ) - posted on 11/08/2011

Yes, you are grieving over your loss it is very normal. I also had a Miscarriage and I finally came to peace with it when I said I lost a baby a son and his name was Bruce Alexander. If you don't know the sex and didn't have names picked out yet consider a name that can be either a girl or boy's I even put it in my family history. I have gotten such peace from admitting and accepting it gives the child a reality and then death is something we can come to terms with. God Bless You Betty

Vanessa - posted on 11/08/2011

I am so sorry for your loss...

I know how hard it is. I had 4 miscarriages. My 3rd one was 11 weeks and my hardest. I had a DNC and cried for a little over a month. Stayed in my jammies, was very moody. I had wonderful support from all my friends. Out of the blue this friend of mine called. She said she really didn't know what to say to me, she had never had a miscarriage herself. I told her, I just don't understand WHY? Why would God give me a precious gift then take it away...she said..."it is not for us to ask why...its is for us to say...yes Lord, I'm here to do your will". This was so powerful to me. I had only been thinking of myself. These words have changed my entire life. Our baby was born on Halloween eight years ago. We couldn't be more blessed. If you did have a DNC, remember, you are the most fertile over the next 3 months.
Good luck to you.

Stephanie - posted on 11/08/2011

Yes it is normal. I have had 3 miscarriages in the last four years. Make sure you get those feelings out.

Jennifer - posted on 11/08/2011

I'm so sorry. I lost a baby at 12 weeks and it was 2 yrs ago. I still wonder why that baby didn't get to be with me. I have a 6,4 and a 1 year old. It took a year foR the pain to dull.you will survive this because you hve to. This is what women do. Know its awful, it sucks and you are not alone. Be good to yourself and just get thru each day. It will gety better.

Kimberly - posted on 11/08/2011

I am sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks and I never really let myself grieve only for the simple fact that I knew if I did that I would not be able to try again. It is normal, it is part of the grieving process. I waited my month and got prego again and she is now 2 yrs 4 mons and I do find myself from time to time wondering what the other baby would have been like. I still fight the feeling of grief even though I know that I should let myself do so. I think that get prego again straight away made things easier for me. I know that things will get better for you but it will take time. Have you thought about talking to a therapist about it? You are dealing with a great loss and it will take time.

Yvonne - posted on 11/07/2011

I lost 4 babuies before I had my son 20 years ago, then had my f=daughter 17 months after his birth, then when she was 15 months found I was pregnant with triplets. sadly I lost the 2 identical girls, but my last son managed to hold his own, and is now a strapping 17 year old. yes, it does take a while to get over the loss of your children, and even now my youngest son comes and chats and we wonder what his sisters would have been like, but you do get over the loss, and remember, God only gives you what you can handle ! take care, and God bless ! x

Christy - posted on 11/07/2011

Hello, when we miscarry a baby it is normally Gods doing I believe! There might have been something wrong with the baby that is why your body rejected it! It is normal to be depressed and upset your body went through a change in that short time!! It is like a shock to your system I am sorry for your loss but. like I told you there is a reason your body rejected the baby! You must still be young so hang in there be strong and you will have another chance!! So get up smile at the world and take care of yourself!! I lost 2 I have 3 Beautiful Children!! God Bless You!!

Gina - posted on 11/07/2011

I have had 3 miscarriages, my first and last two. I have two wonderful children, we have given up on trying for any more, and I try to always focus on how lucky I am to have my wonderful son and daughter. Some friends what can't have children and have been waiting years on adoption lists. You say you have a daughter, she is a gift. Try to say positive and focus on what you have and rather than what you have lost. I am not sure you ever get over it. I still feel sad on certain dates, 11 years on! But it does get easier. I have several friends who have had miscarriages and it really helps talking with them about it. What you are going through is completely normal, look after yourself, and It never feels right trying again, because of the fear....but be strong, and try again, it will be worth it. Sending lots of positive energy your way

Kathy - posted on 11/07/2011

You need to tell yourself there was a reason you lost the baby. Maybe it was a lot of health issues or just God's way of saying the baby wasnt for you When I lost a baby they discovered I had cervical cancer and that was a life saving decision from God for me. I just told myself when God had a baby for us he would make it happen and trusted in him to do what was necessary to have a baby. Almost one year to the date I became prego again and delivered a precious baby which was the last one for us as I was almost 41 when he was born. There is a reason for everything that happens in our lfie and when God is ready he will bring you through it once he brings you to it. Think positive and try to remain trusting i n him to make it happen.

Lyndsey - posted on 11/07/2011

you are still grieving you probably didnt want to thinnk about it but now the due date is near you cant help it and the grief is now comming through i had a very similar time to you when i misscarried XXXXXX Sorry for your loss XXXX

Teresa - posted on 11/07/2011

Yes it is a perfectly normal reaction - I have had 11 pregnancies and only 3 children (the rest all miscarriage). I still think about each and every child that I lost and what life would have been like if we didn't lose our children (we would have had at least 4 in this scenerio). So cry, yell, get angry and let all those emotions escape you. When you feel like the time is right, I hope you have the strength to try again x I'm sure you will be blessed with a little miracle that will not take away your pain, but will help you cope with it more easily. Take care Sarah and all the best x

Sherri - posted on 11/07/2011

I think you are having a perfectly normal response to your loss. I lost two babies, fall of 05 and fall of 06. Fall definately got to be the worst season of the year for me. I had 3 healthy children before I miscarried twice so I was a bit confused. I went on to have a healthy baby boy but will always have a moment in the fall when I miss the babies that I never met. I have two beautiful glass angels hanging above my bed. I take comfort knowing they are watching over me. Take your time to grieve your precious loss...it is ok!

Sending love, SG

Donna - posted on 11/07/2011

Your feelings are very normal. I have lost two children. One at 6 months pregnant and one at 4 months pregnant. They would be 27 and 25 now. Just know in your heart it's not your fault. You didn't mention if you had other children or if you will be able to have other children. I unfortunately was unable to have children but...I have been truly blessed with an adopted daughter. I know in my heart that it was meant to be this way. Go ahead and cry, be angry, stay in bed for a while but remember that others need you. You will be fine, but it does take time. You will never forget the loss of a child, but you will in your own way learn how to cope. Go ahead and grieve...it's normal.

Susan - posted on 11/07/2011

I've had numerous miscarriages and yes, I still have those moments when I wonder why I am depressed and then remember, especially in the first few years. Our bodies and hearts remember. I'm so sorry. Our losses can be so hard to endure. I hope that you bring a baby to your family when the time is right. Remember that your body will recover and that adoption is also an option. We went on to adopt twice and are so happy we didn't give up. Don't give up! Usually you can have another pregnancy -- much support!

Pamela - posted on 11/07/2011

Obviously you are feeling some post distress from not dealing with your feelings fully at the time the miscarriage occurred.

Sit down with a close friend, your husband, a counselor or minister and talk it out. Your feelings were buried instead of being acknowledged. Acknowledge them now and do your best to move on.

Bellinda - posted on 11/07/2011

Hi, your message touched my heart so much I had to write you. When I was 3 months pregnant with my oldest son now 24, I passed a significant amount of blood & though my son was born 6 months later I was convinced & still convinced that I was pregnant with twins. I was 38 yrs old when I became pregnant for the first time & we were convinced it was Divine Intervention. Then when I was pregnant again 2 1/2 yrs later, we were convinced it was not only Divine Intervention again & that it was also the twin who should have been there with the first pregnancy...& believe me I was big enough @ 3 months to be twins... looked like I was 7 months pregnant.

I so understand your wanting to cry & hide in your bed. Just understand miracles are waiting to happen. The life you carried is not lost to you. It is there & waiting for you either in this life or beyond the veil but I suspect it will be soon in this life. Be there & be the mother this child should have welcoming them into this world. Be the best you can be. You have so much love to give. Just know the best is yet to come. You will be okay. Your baby will be with you soon.

Love to you & yours

Bellinda - posted on 11/07/2011

Hi, your message touched my heart so much I had to write you. When I was 3 months pregnant with my oldest son now 24, I passed a significant amount of blood & though my son was born 6 months later I was convinced & still convinced that I was pregnant with twins. I was 38 yrs old when I became pregnant for the first time & we were convinced it was Divine Intervention. Then when I was pregnant again 2 1/2 yrs later, we were convinced it was not only Divine Intervention again & that it was also the twin who should have been there with the first pregnancy...& believe me I was big enough @ 3 months to be twins... looked like I was 7 months pregnant.

I so understand your wanting to cry & hide in your bed. Just understand miracles are waiting to happen. The life you carried is not lost to you. It is there & waiting for you either in this life or beyond the veil but I suspect it will be soon in this life. Be there & be the mother this child should have welcoming them into this world. Be the best you can be. You have so much love to give. Just know the best is yet to come. You will be okay. Your baby will be with you soon.

Love to you & yours

Wendy - posted on 11/07/2011

Sarah, I am so sorry you lost a baby to miscarriage. I've lost four. I think of them every day even though I have 7 living children. What you are going through is to be expected. Be gentle with others and yourself as you deal with the loss of your child. Eat very healthy meals (bad diets can increase the likelihood of severe depression), get exercise, and get plenty of rest. Sunshine can help lift your mood too. Give yourself time to mourn each day, but don't dwell there. (((((HUGS))))) from a mom who has been there too many times. I am praying for you, Sarah.

Amanda - posted on 11/07/2011

the day my daughter was due and the day she was born are very hard days for me! it is normal since you are grieving the loss of your precious baby

Melissa - posted on 11/07/2011

i would think its normal to be thinking about it. i was 36 and a half weeks pregnant with my first child went into labour and at the hospital we found out he has passed away . so i understand what your going through , i stayed in my room and cried for a couple days it helped some to get it out . you might need to be alone and have a good cry . its not easy losing a child and family and friends will understand if you need time alone .

Kirsty - posted on 11/07/2011

this si perfectly natural, maybe celebrate some how - plant a tree in your garden, and continue each year,
i am very sorry for your loss,

Jacquie - posted on 11/07/2011

Find a support group. One of my friends on Facebook "Alissa Karscallen" has lost two and she's WONDERFUL in helping women with "rainbow" babies.

Charmaine - posted on 11/07/2011

Your not alone I had a miscarriage this time 5 years ago I was 6 months along when I was told I lost my precious baby at 6 weeks I'm still grieving even now it does get easier

Kathleen - posted on 11/07/2011

Please accept my sincerest sympathy. A life, at any age, is a life. It must be very hard to deal with. I would like to suggest a book -just a wee book, but maybe quite helpful:
"I'll Hold You In Heaven", written by Jack Hayford. Mardel's usually has it. God bless you through these difficult days.

Daphenne - posted on 11/07/2011

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks in December just before the holidays. I too thought that I'd be alright until what would've been my due date came. I let myself cry and grieve the loss like any other death. I also chose to get a tattoo symbolizing my baby. I found that writing a letter to the baby, as odd as that may sound helped too. Things will get easier.

Esther - posted on 11/07/2011

it is a very normal reaction, be patient with yourself and give it time.

Bobbie - posted on 11/07/2011

Yes, depression for this is normal. But what I have done for my previous miscarriages is to celebrate life on my lost babies due dates. I decided that on December 5, for example, one of my due dates, I would do charitable work for children. This really helped me to get past it and it helps me to get out out of bed on those days, knowing that I am making a difference in the lives of others. One year, I donated formula, diapers, etc. Another year I volunteered somewhere. I know it is difficult but I found it easiest to be as positive as possible and try to be the best person I can be on that day.

Georgeann - posted on 11/07/2011

I'm sorry for your lose, I went thhru it 18 yrs ago & I still think of him form time to time its something you have to give over to God...he is in control & only he know's why it happened. Take time for yourself physically & emotionally but take it one step @ a time, wiill pray for you

Kayla - posted on 11/07/2011

It's completely normal to feel that way. Allow yourself to mourn, but also realize there is a reason things happen. If you are spiritual remember there is a plan for you, and you need to take this as an experience to learn something about yourself. I've been through some traumatic times, and even though had a hard time coping at first, came out much stronger in the end. It was a hard journey. Stay strong, you can make it through. Sometimes professional therapy can help as well. Good luck :)

Andrea - posted on 11/07/2011

Yes its normal I lost my baby in Dec I was almost 15 weeks and I had a very hard time when he was supposed to be born

Susan - posted on 11/07/2011

hi i know how you feel, i lost my baby at 11 weeks and my baby would have been due this friday, i have just found out im 8 weeks pregnant but every pain i get im expecting the worse, im getting so stressed as the day gets nearer

Annie - posted on 11/07/2011

Brianna,
I'm almost in the exact same position - I have a son born Nov 09 & miscarried June 08 & last march. We've been trying ever since & I'm still not pregnant. My sister is also trying & she has just been told she has sporadic ovulation, so I'm now getting myself checked out.

Sarah, what you're feel is perfectly normal & I have felt the same. Is does get easier, but you'll never forget them. Just remember you are not alone & you can speak to others in your situation. *hugs*

Nichole - posted on 11/07/2011

So sorry for your loss! I think it is normal for you to feel the way you do. Time does help heal you. I went into premature labor with my first baby at 20 weeks. Jacob was too early to survive and didn't make it. He would be 11 now. I was pregnant at the same time as my stepmother and I have an 11 year old sister. The first year of her life was difficult for me because I was so sad at losing Jacob. It took me several months before I could hold my sister, but I finally did. It was still very difficult, but as time passed it got easier. I got pregnant again after 3 miscarriages and now have a beautiful 9 year old daughter and as it happened. . . my stepmother was pregnant again at the same time. I have a brother who is one month younger than my daughter. I still have moments of grieving. . . usually the anniversary of Jacob's death and his due date, but I can say after 11 years that it doesn't hurt as much as it did before. I will always wonder what life would have been like having Jacob and wish I could have both him and my daughter Isabela with me today. I wish you the best and hope you find comfort in all of these words of encouragement from so many moms.

April - posted on 11/07/2011

Yes it is totally normal. I had a miscarriage with my first and it took be a year to really be myself again. It is not something you will ever get over as some tried to tell me to do but you can and will get through it. It is a grieving process, just like with any loss. My friend and I were due a week apart and I could not go to her shower or be around any little baby's for awhile, older kids were ok. Real healing took place when my son was born and I was able to hold him and have the ach in my arms finally relieved. After him we had a 2nd miscarriage about a year ago and again it was something I had to get through. I found with this one it did take less time but I was angrier and wanted to throw things and snap at my husbànd more. I still think about both of my little ones and wonder who they would have been but the deep searing pain is gone. Just don't let anyone try to make you move faster through it or feel guilty for it. And sharing your story does help does help as well as hugging your little ones. Sending lots of love your way.

Angela - posted on 11/07/2011

Yes, very normal! I lost my first child in December 2006, I think of him/her often. It hurts still but the hurt gets better over time. However there are days that I look at my now 3 year old and wonder about the one I lost. I find comfort in knowing that one day I will be reunited with my baby angel! Hang in there... sending you lots of hugs!

Elizabeth - posted on 11/07/2011

Believe me I know how you feel, I lost 3 at the time you will feel the piece of your heart cut out. Till I gave their name, 3 son Angle waiting for me. With Grandpa right now. 2 don't know if they are boy's put we had their name we didn't use. They would be 24, 16, 13. Right now you asking why, what did I do wrong, and your body will take time to get back to Normal. Time is on your side understand you are grieving.

Karen - posted on 11/07/2011

People deal with grief differently. I would say that it normal because the date that would have been a delivery date is a reminder of your miscarriage. I think that even if you had been greiving all this time that it would still be a sad time for you. Remember tho that those who love you are not to blame for your loss, nor are you, so it's not fair to take your sadness out on them. Its best to just explain your behavior and then apologize for any misgivings caused by it. Most people would be understanding and compassionate once they have an understanding of why you feel like you do. I had 11 misacarriages and none were easy to bear. Good luck to you.

Kim - posted on 11/07/2011

Hi, I'm sorry you lost your baby. It's never an easy thing to go through. I lost my first baby 20 years ago and I still think about that child from time to time. It's very normal to have the feelings you're having. One thing that's hard to remember is that your husband also lost a baby and I think we get lost in that as we are the ones who feel that void from the inside out. Try to see if you can find a way to sort through this with him. Know that things will get better with time and there is nothing you did to cause it. Also, lots of prayer helped me.

Colleen - posted on 11/07/2011

Great ideas here! Perhaps you could also write in a journal. Just like talking with these moms gives you good ideas, when you write sometimes you can be surprised by what YOU put on the page. After all, you know yourself best! It is also good because you can let out emotions that would be inappropriate to share otherwise. It is common to feel anger resentment or jealousy toward a best friend or a sister who has a new baby. Yet you want to ask that very person for advice but can't fully share your feelings. Writing can let those feelings out in a cathartic way. And don't feel ashamed at all. People probable can guess that you are feeling that way and are wishing you well and praying for you to have some peace. It WILL come. Good luck to you!

Cheri Zobel - posted on 11/07/2011

It is perfectly normal. I had two miscarriages (first two) and now have 3 children. My mother in law went through the situation you describe and didn't visit her SILs new baby for quite a while. Eventually it is OK. I never think about the due date now and had some very understanding people to help me get through that at the time. The day of the miscarriage however will always be with me as it was hubbys bday. Hang in there things will get better.