Post Natal Depression and loneliness!!!

V - posted on 05/20/2010

Sorry you feel this way and glad that you left the man who wouldn't support you. I understand some of what you are going through as far as depression. After my twins were born, my husband was sent out of country for 9 months. I spiraled as it was hard being a first time mom and then all sudden being thrown into it by myself. If you have friends from work or family take advantage of the help they offer. Not sure how you have felt, but even having friends nearby they aren't always around when you need them; like at bedtime or middle of the night. I wasn't near family at the time and after a couple months of trying to do it alone, I moved near family and that was the best thing I had done. They enjoyed having me nearby as well it saved me and my sanity. Now I live further from family and expecting my 3rd & final child in Sep and just hope my husband doesn't get sent anywhere and I don't have a relapse of what I experience with the twins, since the option to move closer to family isn't available this time. In the area you live, try to connect with other mothers that get together for play dates or other organized gatherings like Mothers of Preschoolers.

Tracy - posted on 05/20/2010

Are you near family? Have you tried reaching out to old friends? I was in the same spot just a couple of years ago. When I put out feelers to old friends again, they came swooping back into my life. They were just waiting for me to wise up and get out of that situation! Take your girl to the park, talk to other moms. Look in some of the free parenting magazines and find some classes/activities that center around single parents. You can do this! Its scary and lonely for a while, but if you reach out and let people into your life again you'll find that you aren't so alone. Just be very, very careful when you start dating again. Some man sets off the warning bells that I KNOW that last one did, run like hell. Trust in your ability to smell a jerk!

Good luck to you!

Sarah - posted on 05/20/2010

I completely understand being lonely. My boyfriend and i seemed to be so much closer before our son. Now I cant get him to get a job and it seems all we do is argue so we tend to steer clear of each other alot of the days. Ive never had alot of friends due to being terribly shy in person... Everyone interprets to rudeness I guess... but the friends I did have all seem to be bad influences or completely unreliable... Why is it so hard to have one good friend in this world?

Kristin - posted on 05/20/2010

While I am married to a wonderful man and stay home with our kids, I do understand how isolating life in general can be. We've moved alot for my husbands career, no not military.

I'm sorry you were with such an ass. Call your friends and your family. Invite people you work with to join you for lunch occasionally. Have a potluck with coworkers sometime. Do/did you have a hobby you would like to get back into? Gardening, sewing, books, painting, music? If you want adult time, join a club and hire a sitter or trade time with another mom for sitting.

If you think you might be depressed, please talk to someone about it. It's not something you will want to let fall through the cracks as a single parent. Feel free to write me if you like.

Linda - posted on 05/20/2010

As Louise and Dorthea have said, you have taken some steps in the right direction by choosing to remove both of you from the abuse. Yes it is hard and I commend your courage. Please do not remain in depression. You say you have lost your friends, have you tried to re-contact them? I understand that working full time and single parenting leaves you little time for yourself, however it is as important for you to "charge your own battery" as it is to take care of your other responsibilities. The suggestions of church and classes are good. Your local YWCA or similar organizations may offer PlayDays or other structured activities for you and your child to interact with other parents and children. I am for finding something that charges you so you can be positive for yourself and your child. A small babysitting co-op might also be an answer to give yourself some self time while interacting with other moms too. Best suggestion, smile at people, be observant and friendly and you may meet your next best friend at the store or laundromat. The fact that you recognize your need is the first and most important step to take. We already know you are strong and capable. Keep making the good choices for you and your daughter.

Dorothea - posted on 05/20/2010

I'm sorry, I wish your situation was better, but it sounds like you are taking steps in the right direction. I don't know how you feel about God, but going to church can be a great way to make friends. This is a good place to start, but try different activitys for Lilly. Your bound to meet other parents there, maybe some in the same boat your in. But keep us posted. We're here for ya too :)

Louise - posted on 05/19/2010

Sounds like you have been through the mill! At least you found the strength to leave this man for you and your daughters sake. I understand you feel lonely and feel like all you do is work and look after your daughter. You really need some adult time. Do you have someone who you trust to baby sit? You need to enter the adult world again so the best way to do this is to join a club. Do you like drawing, dancing, exercise, sports, needlework, reading etc. I am sure there is a club out there somenwhere near you. Even if it is night school to pick up some extra qualifications it is bringing you out of the house and into conversation with others who will hopefully become friends. You have done the hardest part of your life and now it is time to introduce some fun into your life! I am surrounded by teenagers and toddlers and a husband but I feel so utterly alone sometimes even in a busy house as nobody talks anymore. It is just me and my daughter in the day and when everyone comes home at night they sit and watch tv! So I think I will have to take some of my own advice and get out there and embrace the world!