Postpartum Depression...What is it?...Did You or Do you have it?...& How long does it last?

Joy - posted on 08/22/2009

I'm going to reply without reading the other posts yet.



For me, I wanted a baby so badly and for so long. Unsuccessfully. I suffered 3 miscarriages after the age of 30. I finally thought "Ok, I'll never be a Mom". Then on a fluke, because my period was 2 days late (and that never happened) I bought a test and when it came back positive (the digital ones that say PREGNANT on the test window) I almost fell over, quite literally. WHO was more happy than me? No one. I spent my entire pregnancy (especially after I made it past 3 months) preparing and reading and buying cute little things for my son. Putting together furniture. Helping paint his bedroom (with non toxic paint). The works. His birth was a joyful thing for me and I look back and WISH I could just go back in time to do it again because it was exactly what I wanted it to be. I was, like many other new mothers, in love with my baby. We took him home, our friends and family eventually went home and after the first week, there I was alone with him, hubby at work. And OMG WHAT THE HELL DO I DO???? set in. Here I was taking care of this tiny little boy, when all my life, the better part of 35 years I had only been taking care of me. I've dealt with depression for the bulk of my life. Been on several different anti-depressants over the years. Nothing that ever worked for me or worked long. After my son was born, I'd say it was about 2 weeks before I noticed that something just "wasn't right" with me. I became agitated easily (which is my nature anyhow but this wasn't the same). I stopped eating properly (even though I knew I should eat, I would skip meals). I was trying to breast feed and it wasn't working for me (an awful, painful experience for me). One thing after another after another after another.....and finally I realized the signs that I was depressed....but this wasn't like any other depression I had ever felt before. This was far deeper and way more......dark. I never had thoughts of harming my baby but I did want one time to shake him and instead I literally forced myself to lay him down gently and walk away. I was one of those women you hear about that should have gotten help but didn't. I never hurt my son, but I also took a great risk by never getting help because there have been times where my anger and frustration could have easily gotten out of control. It took me until my son was about 8 months to truly recognize that I was suffering from PPD. I think on some level I knew before that time, but I was just trying really hard to let it not be true. The one common thread though, is that I always talked to my best friend and I talked daily with my husband. Were it not for those two, I shudder to think of what might have been. If you think you have PPD, I'm saying get help. It sounds to me like you did/do have it and you need to tell someone, preferably your doctor. I told my doctor but because I was breast feeding, he wouldn't give me anything at the time. Then, my insurance ran out when my son was 6 weeks old, so I had no medical insurance (sad story of the nation). Get help if you can. If I ever get pregnant again and if I ever feel those things again, I'd give up breast feeding in a heart beat to take anti depressants if it meant that I could enjoy my baby and not be miserable and sad and gloomy all the time. Good luck and if you ever need to talk you just let me know :)

Denise - posted on 08/22/2009

I believe I had some ppd. I felt great emotionally while I was pregnant and did not think I would have any problems after birth but a few weeks after having her there would be times I felt anxious, depressed, lonely. It didnt help that my husband worked 3rd shift at the time. I never felt like harming myself or my baby. After 2 to 3 months it went away. I cant expain it I hated the feelings but I think with our changing hormones and the responsibilty of taking care of someone else its impossible to stop it from happening which kinda scares me cause Im pregnant again, Due dec. 5th and I dont want to feel that way again. I hope it will be easier this time around since ive gone through it before.

Shamika - posted on 08/22/2009

Thanks Sharon and Helen.

Helen - posted on 08/22/2009

I was never treated for ppd after the birth of my first son in 2000 and coupled with a form of emotional abuse from the father I had a breakdown in 2006 and tried to commit suicide, pretty drastic i konw but i really thought i had no other option. I never WANTED to hurt my child but felt that i was bad mother for having such negative feelings.

Ppd was one of my biggest concerns when i fell pregnant in 2008 so i kept an eye on things, my new doc was aware too. In the end yes i have suffered again but i am treating it with homeopathic treatments so i don't feel drugged. and my doc is there to talk too. the most important thing to do is to accept that you have it if you do and to talk be it to a doctor or to other mums xx

Sharon - posted on 08/22/2009

Even the idea of hurting your babies with post partum depression is kind of rare. It happens, but its part of the deeper more severe form.



Any form of sadness you cannot get to lift from your mind/spirit is depression. If it occurs after the birth of your baby then its postpartum depression. This can lift on its own or settle in a pattern and become a true depression.



It can lift on its own in a couple of weeks or months.



If it becomes a true depression it can take years to NEVER going away.



If you're depressed and your child is still a baby, tell your obgyn if you're still under their care. If not, then talk to your doctor or a therapist.



{{{ hugs }}}