potty training for boys

Kelli - posted on 09/17/2011

I just wanted to say thank you for all the help this was. He is still pooping in his underwear. But he has made it through 3 days of preschhol with no accidents but when he gets home he just goes. I do make him clean it so we will see next we we go 5 days of preschool. Thanks again to everyone

Kelli - posted on 09/17/2011

I just wanted to say thank you for all the help this was. He is still pooping in his underwear. But he has made it through 3 days of preschhol with no accidents but when he gets home he just goes. I do make him clean it so we will see next we we go 5 days of preschool. Thanks again to everyone

Melanie - posted on 09/13/2011

its a power struggle. i had a similar issue with my then 4 1/2 year old. once the power struggle thing was explained to me, i took everything out of his room except his bed and dresser. he was stuck in there all day ( with the door open so i could keep an eye on him of course) i told him for a week but it only took 4 days for him to figure out i meant business. problem solved. hes 18 now. never had a problem again. i will say that its common for little kids to misunderstand what poop is and think that part of them is coming out and therefore dont like to use the potty. so as long as hes not being tramatized by something like that, hes capable of using the toilet

Kathy - posted on 09/13/2011

I went through the exact same thing. My son would only poop in pull ups and not the tiolet as he was scared. he then got so constipated as we wouldn't put the pull ups on and kept sitting him on the topilet. Then the dr had to give him a suppository and we went and sat on the toilet and he had no choice but to poop. Yes we had messs everywhere but once he did it and knew it wasn't scary lots of praise it was all good from there. All this happened the week of his 5th birthday and we havn't looked back he is now 12

Valerie - posted on 09/13/2011

Each kid is different. What I would do and this might help is send him to preschool. Let him see how they do things there and maybe if the kids there tease him for having an accident ( I know that sounds mean) then he will get a better idea of when he has to go and that it is not the thing to do. It all depends on your kids personality to be honest if that will help him or not. Sometimes being around other kids their own age helps them to get over the final hurdles that they need to. Other then that just do as the others do and try to keep him on a schedule.

Jennifer - posted on 09/13/2011

Let me tell you from experience there is nothing wrong with ur kid. Kids vary from age to age when they decide they are ready to go to the potty. My son who just turned 6 in August just learned to go on the potty all by himself. He was pooping in underwear, pullups, I tried rewards, ultimatums u name it. It came down to patience and keeping on a schedule and eventually they will get it. Ive cried many a night, but in the end they will do it. U need to have faith and patience. Good luck.

Lynda - posted on 09/13/2011

try going right for the toilet not a potty my son did not like using the potty at all

Nonie - posted on 09/13/2011

every time he poops in his underwear, make him clean it up. he is old enough to be able to do this on his own, of course, watch him (only, don't help), I had to w/ one of mine, he didn't want to stop the playing to go, until I made him do the clean-up....praise him on doing a good job, no matter how much he misses.....hope this helps...

Vanessa - posted on 09/13/2011

He is telling you he pooed and then saying, "mommy change me". Be busy when he tells you next time. Make him stand there and wait ten min's. It will not hurt him. Hopefully it will make him think I don't like the feeling of poo on myself & smelling it so if I have to wait I & dont want to wait I won't go in my underwear.
Also have him clean the poo off of himself & rinse out his underwear. You had said he cried & cried the one time he did that b/f so obviously he did not like it. Doctore won't even consider it an issue until kids are like 7 or so. But it def. is an issue. YOu are catering to him by chnging him sit back watch & maye direct but stop doing it for him. Hope this helps.

Katie - posted on 09/13/2011

My friend did a party everytime her kids would poop on the potty, made a HUGE deal about it, called everyone they knew. For her daughter who had a hard time with it, she even got to call a princess (one of us who played a fairy princess voice and congratulated her). Is there an action figure or TV figure that you could have call him (maybe grandpa, an uncle or close family friend would enjoy being Bumble Bee for a few minutes), to let them know how important it is to go poo poo and that they'll deliver a presnet to him as soon as they hear he did it??
I don't know...that is so hard.

Janelle - posted on 09/13/2011

My little girl tryed that as well, and I just put her on the potty and she was not allowed to get off till she pooped. the first couple of times we sat there for about 45 mins but evenually she just started to use the potty. Hope this helps :)

Hayley - posted on 09/13/2011

Hi Kelli I have gone through exactly the same problem so please ignore the previous post as how does she know what is "normal"!!! I took my son to a consultant at the hospital who dealt with continence issues all day 5 days a week so as she assured me it is more common than we realise!!! My son totally refused to poo in the toilet but was more than happy to wee in it. He was given stool softeners --a powder you mix in lemonade they advised water but it was too bitter! This seemed to help as the consultant felt it was most likely linked to having a difficult poo at an earlier time that may have hurt. So once the softener was in his system it was a case of persevering 30 minutes sat next to him as he sat on loo and i read stories to him and talked about the day-anything to relax him! He has now gone 3 months without any accidents and tends to go to the loo everyday for a rather big poo!!!! I have also now stopped using the softener but make sure he has lots of liquid throughout the day. Keep going it will sort itself out but you defo need some support so go and see your GP and school as they should offer you more support

Colleen - posted on 09/13/2011

Let him change himself; give him everything he needs and let him go at it. Perhaps if he has to change the smelly foul poop; he'll think twice about doing it again. Another way; explain to him all the great and wonderful things he'll be able to do when he's fully trained; perhaps even holding back on some fun stuff until he is. This last phase of toilet training is hard for some children; when he realizes he can't do some of the "big boy" stuff perhaps he'll want to change faster. Pump up the going to preschool with all the fun activities he'll do, friends he'll meet etc and remind him that he can't go if he's poopy or if he still does that... Good Luck

Julia - posted on 09/13/2011

Not strict enough. Have to do it army style. What I did with my son (before he was 2 years old) I said "no more diapers" he fought with me, refused to wear underwear, but at the end of the week he was potty trained. What I suggest for you is stick to a routine: NO toys, tv, games, friends, etc. All he gets to do throughout the day is eat, read, nap, and sit on the couch. No "special privilidges" because you feel bad. I can tell you right now, if you can handle his tantrums and reaction to what you had done, for a day or two. Your son will be ready for pre-school next week with no problems. Get rid of juices and sweets of course! Good luck!

Flavia - posted on 09/13/2011

And as a 20 year veteran of working in a child developement center itis critical to have children potty trained. I had up to 18 children and if they all had poopy pants I would have spent my entire day in the bathroom cleaning them and dressing them. Yes, accidents happen and that is to be expected. However not on a daily basis and going to school can often be an incentive to use the toilet for many children. We were happy to assist and teach children to be self sufficient and able to go to the bathroom alone. THis also made them feel very "big" so accomplished.

Flavia - posted on 09/13/2011

this is a control issue for him. He is controlling this aspect of his life most likely since he doesn't have much control of his daily living. I would really suggest giving him more choices in the areas where you can such as "would you like to wear this or this? , eat this or this? would you like to take a bath now or in 10 minutes ? " this kind of wording lets him make decisions and be in control. And I would also start making a plan with him on the bathroom issue. Ask him if he would like to set his goal of using the toilet for saturday or sunday? have a calender with the days he can cross off till the big day ! with a photo of a big reward item he has chosen for himself Perhaps a trip to the ice cream store or something else he would like to do . best wishes.

TealRose - posted on 09/13/2011

I would be very cross with any preschool or school who thought that a child who isn't 'fully trained' can't be there! Some children have problems until they are much older - what is the school going to say when he/she is perhaps 10 and still having problems? Refuse entry ? I think not !!

Go to the doctor meanwhile and have him checked out. Do NOT belittle him, or shame him. I cannot believe that a loving parent would make a child wash their own dirty underwear or give them time out, or worse cool /cold showers /baths! We as parents I believe are here to teach and help our children not be unkind and impatient. Where is the love and respect in that ?

Maryse - posted on 09/13/2011

My grandson loved spiderman. So I bought him some spiderman undies and told him to go to the toilet instead of doing poos on spiderman. It didn't take long for him to poo in the toilet after that. So simple but it worked.

Michelle - posted on 09/13/2011

my daughter is 3, will be 4 next month, and i have the same problem, my daughter will pee on the potty fine everytime, but sometimes she forgets to go when she has to poop, it's not all the time, but we have tried trying stuff that she really likes, and that encourages her more that she has something to work for.

Donna - posted on 09/13/2011

My son is nearly 5 and has a phobia about pooping. He panics and holds his bum if he has to poop. I went to the doctors and he prescribed Movicol to soften his stools. We also made him a reward chart with his favorite TV character on. When he did a poo he got a star when he got 10 we got him a toy as a reward. This helped him he loved counting the stars till he got a toy.

Kelly - posted on 09/13/2011

My son is 3 and a half, and has the exact same problem. He goes to the wee on the toilet, sitting or standing....but just refuses to poo there. I have tried all sorts of things too to encourage him to poo on the toilet, stars, prizes etc...we had some early success, but now he point blank refuses, and gets very upset if I make him sit on the toilet to try. He began holding on to his poo....which just compounded the problem, as it would get harder, which put him off trying even more. He would just disappear off to a quiet place, and eventually end up soiling. At the moment, I have decided to try and de stress his association with going to the poo, so that he doesn't hold it, and goes regularly. He asks me for a pull up....puts it on himself, goes to the poo, then helps me flush it down the toilet. I know its not the long term answer, but I need to get him to relax about the whole process first, the more negative and punishing you are, so more your child will resist I think. This problem is actually very common, especially in young boys. Sometimes the child feels the poo is actually a body part that they are loosing down the toilet, and sometimes the sensation of the poo coming out too quickly (where they are used to having the resistance of pants) scares them, and makes their tummy feel funny. My son started nursery today, and like yours, the nursery said he should be fully toilet trained, but I explained to his teacher, and he is working with me to encourage my son...all nurserys and pre schools should know kids of this age will still have accidents. My sons new teacher has also looked into it, confirmed it is very common, and spoke with a health visitor who suggested bubbles....the thinking is to give him a 'special bubble blower', and try to make the atmosphere calm and fun....so sitting on the toilet becomes a positive association...make it a special thing, just for when he tries to poo on the toilet...not sure if this will work, but like you I am willing to try anything. Stay calm, they will grow out of it....and you are not alone with your worry :) x

Chastity - posted on 09/13/2011

Make him stand at the sink and clean his own underwear with a toothbrush. I kniw it may seem harsh, I though the same thing. My son was in kindergarten and was having 'accidents.' As he said. We took him to a counselor he has seen when my husband was fighting for custody (so she knew him well.) She told us that our son was being lazy and it is some what sommonly seen in boys. We put him at the sink with gloves and a toothbrush, and our problems ended there. Good luck!

Chastity - posted on 09/13/2011

Make him stand at the sink and clean his own underwear with a toothbrush. I kniw it may seem harsh, I though the same thing. My son was in kindergarten and was having 'accidents.' As he said. We took him to a counselor he has seen when my husband was fighting for custody (so she knew him well.) She told us that our son was being lazy and it is some what sommonly seen in boys. We put him at the sink with gloves and a toothbrush, and our problems ended there. Good luck!

Tiffany - posted on 09/13/2011

OMGoodness that's sad. My son is going to be 4 and also still has the problems with making poop in the potty. He tells me he has to go after he already went in his pants. It's hard because he's good with the pee, but the poop it's hard. He is in early head start and though they help training...it's still a harder process. I hope you can find some advice and maybe I myself will find it too. Good luck to the both of us

Corrin - posted on 09/13/2011

my son got verry upset about potty training, he didn't want to be abig boy or go to nusery. so we stopped talking about beening a big boy instead said he was aclever boy and that made us proud. also it may of been abit harsh but we told him that wee wee and poo poo had germs in that make you poorly and we had to get rid of them by goin to the toilet and flushing them away. it only took a few days after that, did have a little relaps when nursery started but we just reminded him how proud we all were of how clever he was goin to the toilet.

Jacqueline - posted on 09/13/2011

In order to teach our children something you have to make an effort; it just not comes by itsself. So make an effort and teach him that for pee and poop we have to go to the toilet. the first 30 times you will probably have to kneel next to the toilet with him because he is probably afraid that he will be sucked into the big black hole or that a snake will come out and bit his bum! So sit next to him, maybe even for 20 minutes and as soon as he drops a little poop, jump up and down and clap and kiss him and award him for a job well done. You don't need treats, just love and support him and he will get the message. The next time he calls you for a poop, drop anything you do at that time instantly and run with him to the toilet to help him. He can hold you the first times and slowly on you will see that he will manage to get on and off by himself.
Come on, it is up to you!!!

Sabrina - posted on 09/12/2011

I just finished potty training my 3 year old and getting him to poo on the toilet was no easy task! I would get so frustrated and if my husband was home it was even worse because he would get so mad. We ended up making him sit on the toilet for about 10 minutes each time he pooped in his underwear. We also made it clear to him that pooping in his underwear is icky and that they were going in the trash if he pooped in them. I would also always ask him "Where do we go poopoo?" and he would say "On the potty". At some point it must have sunk in. I also don't see the problem with maybe putting a kid in time out or in his room for "quite time" if they chose to poop in their underwear. And when he finally would poop on the potty we made such a big deal and he was so proud of himself, and still is. He is so proud to be a big boy!

Cyndi - posted on 09/12/2011

Jar of Mand M's in bath room, tell him when he poops he gets a handful of M and M's worked for my boy!

Tara - posted on 09/12/2011

I did the same as Heidi when my 3 yr old regressed! He used the toilet very well very quickly but suddenly decided that it was ok to pee his pants again. Was not bothered by taking toys away, timeouts or me trying to be supportive/or ignoring the behaviour - he was loving the attention. So I gave him not so warm showers - he was not happy. Only had to do this a handful of times and he was back to not weeing in his pants. Rewards for good and uncomfortable consequences for the not good worked on him - and boy is he stubborn, so maybe it could work for you? Good Luck!

Heidi - posted on 09/12/2011

I too had TWO boys who at that age would not poo in the potty. I used the same method for my second one as it worked for the first one. This method was only used after making sure it was not a physical problem, only psychological or stubborness. When they poo'd in their pants, I made them go stand in the shower until I got there (they did NOT like the poop in their pants, so I would make them wait for me a few minutes). Then they had to strip off (me helping with disposable gloves on my hands). They saw me dump the poop into the toilet and flush it (I had an ensuite). Then they got a cold (not comfortable) shower to get cleaned up. They soon realized that there were some NOT SO NICE consequences to going poop in their pants, but many rewards (small lollies, coins, toys wrapped in gift wrap in a bowl in the bathroom) if they did poo on the toilet. Work for me with 2 stubborn ones. Rewards, alone for the good behavriour, never worked for me. It was the rewards for GOOD, and uncomfortable consequences for NOT, that worked.

Pauline - posted on 09/12/2011

he to old for potty try toilet say big boys go on there and tell him he wont be able to go to school with the big boys

Shereen - posted on 09/12/2011

He is entirely to old to be doing that, find a reward system..

Margaret - posted on 09/12/2011

I work at a pediatrician's office not a medical person but I see the reports. This is a common problem. In my area there are specialists who address this specific kind of problem. Often when they are first treated children are very backed up in their colon. Various treatments are used from Miralax and similar products to behavior plans and physical therapy and all these in combination. The clean up after yourself path you are starting may work very well. I believe that any "lets show him who's boss" or humiliate him to teach him a lesson type of tactics will not be helpful in the long run and just lead to years of problems.

It's actually kind of a complex problem. I think you are doing a great job, Kelli. It's very difficult. Do you best to be calm and kind while firm and consistent . If it doesn't work in a month (takes a while sometimes) then go back to the pediatrician and ask about a referral. You might want to talk to the doc earlier about something for constipation. Good luck.

Rebecca - posted on 09/12/2011

I am a strict "old fashioned" parent. Your child needs to be using a toilet at this age - forget the potty altogether. give him books to read and tell him he is not coming off the toilet till he has done his business in the toilet. Buy him special undies and if he poops in them, throw them in the bin and tell him he isn't getting any new ones. Does he go at the same time everyday? Is he just too "busy" to use the toilet? He does sound like a stubborn child, but you as the parent needs to show him you are boss and that you won't tolerate that behaviour. Maybe leave him in his poopy pants and make him play outside in them - may be gross but it may stop him from doing it - you may need to try that one more than once, but don't leave him in them too long cause he will get a rash and it is disgusting!
Besides all the suggestions you have recieved, GOOD LUCK!

Ilo - posted on 09/12/2011

Get the book "Toilet Training in Less Than a Day" and don't allow him to wear underwear or pants until he has gone poop and demonstrated that he won't go in his underwear anymore. It shouldn't take more than 24 - 48 hours. Have family or friends keep the other children so you can dedicate yourself to the task of helping your son be successful. If you use a portable potty, you can take it to any room of the house where you need to be.

Cynthia - posted on 09/12/2011

Milk of magnesia doesnt tighten, it relaxs the muscles making it harder for them to 'hold' it in. Magnesium is helps the body relax its muscles , it also helps the body access energy.



If a child doesn't feel safe on the toilet or potty, if he feels embarassed, or humiliated, if he has no say in any part of his day in what he does and when he does it, he is not likely to poop train without a lot of help. So to feel safe on the toilet he needs to be able to get on to and off of it easily, the toilet seat can't pinch as older soft seats sometimes do as the plastic ages, he shouldn't be on show so close the door behind you when you go in with him. If its a control issue allow him a say in what he wears Ie a choice between two out fits, or colours. whether he paints now or later, whether he gets one frivolous tv show a week. instead of always educational or no tv at all. Allow him to choose a library book in other words if you want him to give up his poop you will have to give up some of your control/choice up to him. (if this is the issue. Make sure he is getting plenty to drink, ie cut back on milk or too much cheese, to help make the stool softer and less painful to pass, have the doctor check for fissures which can be painful and do occur especially when they are a little dehydrated (simple to check for simply press the back of the hand lightly if it doesn't bounce right back he's probably dehydrated if it stays dented he's definitely dehydrated.and should definitely see a doctor!) set a schedule on the calendar and get stickers for every occasion he succeeds, let him put the sticker on. Good luck!

Cynthia - posted on 09/12/2011

Ask the pre school if you can come in with him for an hour so he can see what is like and how much fun it is then, on the way home or at home talk to your son about how much fun it was for him (that is if he Did enjoy it) and explain how he could go if he learns to go number one and number two in the toilet. then between you establish a plan learn to go, make sure his dads involved as well, and perhaps if you have close friend who has a son already toilet trained to have him over without you for a half day so he can see first hand from someone his own age. some winter babies it may be best to wait for kindergarten. until the September after they turn 5, they are just that little bit more mature and ready to leave mum at the door, quite apart from the toilet training.

Amanda - posted on 09/12/2011

To be 100% honest, my son is also 5 and going through this exact same thing. I took him to the doctor to see if there was something medically wrong with him. Turns out that he has what's called a "redundant colon". An average human has a 6-7 foot long colon no matter what their age. My son is at almost 8 feet. Because there is so much colon in such a small body, the poop gets trapped and he cannot feel when he has to go. I would highly suggest you talk to his doctor. Everything you have said is what I have been though. I have tried everything you have tried. I hope this helps!

LaTisha - posted on 09/12/2011

My son was doing the same thing when he was 3. He was potty trained at 2. I thought it was a stage. But after I got tired of cleaning and smelling it, I took him to the doctor and found out he had an enlarge intestine. So he recommended giving him fiber gummies. Almost instantly no more poop. What your describing sounds like what my son was doing. Give him the gummies on your day off and make sure you keep taking him to the potty. See if that helps. It can't hurt its just fiber.

Caithlin - posted on 09/12/2011

I don't know if it's associated at all but I used to a nanny for two boys when I was in high school and one of the boys was autistic. He would some times go poop in his underwear or in the bath tub. Even after I told him to try and go to the bathroom. He would get hemoriods from pushing and he had to use metamucil. If he was autistic I'm sure he would have other symptoms. But just some words for thought.

Madelyn - posted on 09/12/2011

Have you tried to make him clean his own underwear...this has helped in our case. Once the son had to clean it himself, he pooped in the toilet....

Angela - posted on 09/12/2011

I see you have tons of responses, and I did not look through all of them, but wanted you to know your not alone! I have a almost 5 year old who does not even go in his underwear....he'll hold out for a pull-up. One thing we have done is slowly work our way up to sitting on the potty for 10 minutes after dinner each night. This is now when he automatically goes - in the pull-up. But it might work for you to set up a reward chart for sitting on the potty. Start with as little time as you need - 1 minute equals a sticker. Three stickers equals prize. We then slowly worked our way up to 10 minutes. While he does not go in the potty, doing it at the same time each day helped regulate when he went. This might help you out. While we go after dinner, a GI specialist said in the morning after breakfast is the best time to try. He also suggested drinking something warm....as in tea or warm milk. He said this stimulated the bowels.

If all else fails.....their is professionals who will work with you and him. We are actually in the process of starting theraphy because with us, it is also behavioral/ mental/ stubborn thing and I am out of ideas.

Just wanted to let you know you are not the only one with a five year old who won't go on the potty!

ALso wanted to add we read books or he plays his DS while he sits on the potty.

Holly - posted on 09/12/2011

check with a doctor. He may be holding it in until he does it in his pants. I had 2 kids who had stretched the colon out so they didn't know they had to go. I was told to give a low dose of milk of magnesia to help the muscles to tighten. Good luck!!

Caroline - posted on 09/12/2011

my boy is nearly 4 and we were toilet training for the 3rd time. he would do anything on the toilet (has always prefered big toilet). my mother inlaw said to tell him he was a big boy like daddy when he went to the toilet. he is such a daddys boy. to start it off i asked my son if he wanted nappies like a baby or undies like daddy and of course he chose undies, he then (a few days later) asked to wear undies to bed instead of nappies and so far so good. dry beds and only one or two accidents during the day. hope this helps

Rita - posted on 09/12/2011

For my son, it came down to one simple trick: BRIBERY! My son responded to small prizes every time he pooped on the potty. I displayed them all in the bathroom and he could look at them (and even hold them) when he was trying to go...but he wouldn't get the prize unless he went. And you have to be FIRM about that! :)
Also, I know it is gross, but get him out of PULL UPS or diapers and put on real underwear. It means some extra cleaning for you, but it is worth it in the end. Pull Ups give a false sense of security IMHO.
Good luck...it takes a lot of patience and reminding, but it will feel SO good when he "gets it"--for you and him! :)

Erin - posted on 09/12/2011

I have no advice, but glad you posted. My 4 yr old has peed on the toilet for a year.. but poop. Goes outside like a dog! Fortunately, he is a regular pooper, so around 1 pm I watch him and as he runs outside, I re-direct him. What has helped, though, is his pre-school teacher visited him at home. After the visit, I told him, he won't be able to go to school if he doesn't poop on the toilet. After that, he did 3 days in a row... but now it's back to every other day.

Rajal - posted on 09/12/2011

I feel your pain. My son is turning 4 in Dec and we are going through the same thing. His school kept him in a class with 2 year olds and won't let him move up until he is potty trained. It's reassuring to know we are not the only ones going through this. I too tried everything from rewards to being mean to ignoring it. When I ignore the issue, he won't even pee on the potty. So I have bugging him so he will do that atleast. Stubborn stubborn child of mine.

Wendi - posted on 09/12/2011

Make him clean it up himself. My 3 yo daughter pooped in her panties and I made her dunk it in the toilet. She hasn't done it since.

Angela - posted on 09/12/2011

Have you tried playing his favourite music and singing together while he is on the loo, it might relax him, and do this several times a day even if he doesn't want to go. And if he does go make a huge fuss about being a big boy and maybe have some special treats ready. But i would also stop talking about his problem to him and in front of him, and just say its time to go to the loo what song shall we play. Hope this helps.

Kathy - posted on 09/12/2011

Have you tried buying a small toilet seat and putting him on it on the big toilet? You can get them at Walmart for about $10. There is a really cool Cars one. Our son thought he was really something sitting on the toilet because Daddy did. He never liked the potty chair.