Potty Training Frustration!!!

Tanya - posted on 10/26/2009

Hi i have a 3 year old girl that turns 4 in 2 months and a little boy that just turned 2 in august. I am at the moment doing the potty training thing with my boy as well and it is good some days and not so good the others. My girl was so easy and i knew it was going to be diffrent with a boy but it is going ok. I think if ur boy likes to wear his undies then u tell him when u get home that if he doesnt go in the potty then he will have to have a nappie on. It will work if u stik with it i know i am getting frustrated with my boy as i know he can do it but he just does it when he wants. Another thing i am doing is my boy really likes to stand up so i am getting some pingpong balls 4 the loo so he can aim at them.

Kim - posted on 10/25/2009

If her son wasn't able to do he wouldn't be able to do it anywhere and I am sure that she has consulted her doctor about whether or not he has a medical problem. Alot of the things we teach our children to do we just have to hand to them and let them learn. Asking your child to clean up the wall they wrote on or the toys they threw around the room isn't punishement nor is it equal to berating them or humiliating them. It is teaching them to be responsible for themselves and gives them the power they need to be confident people and try things on their own. We all know that shores, etc that are age appropriate help build self-asteme, not tear it down. Learning to use the potty os no different. Once you know they can do it them you have to let them do it and they will be successful.

Bekki - posted on 10/25/2009

Quoting Vicky:

My daughter just started kindergarten and is finally mostly trained. It was a battle since she was 2. She was trained fine for about 6 months, then decided she didn't want to do it anymore. She's even given herself several bladder infections over the years. Her younger sister was well trained before she was, that didn't even help. Since he does it well away from home, you know he can; so rest in that. Give up the power struggle, teach him to clean up his own mess, and leave it. It's not your battle.

I'm sorry but that is a horrible thing to say and to do to a child. They cannot control it, children progress differently and there is a medical REASON for potty training.

Children have sphincters and not everyones will mature at the same rate allowing for them to control it. That is the reason behind a child needing a diaper, and an elderly person needing a diaper. The sphincter that controls your bowels and your bladder have to be mature before potty training will work, and as you grow older into your elderly years they start to weaken.

Teaching a child to "clean up their own mess" isn't the way to go. And yes.. it is your battle. You give birth to them maybe you should take a course on psychology so that you understand what your child is going through. And take an anatomy course for good measure. They cannot control their bowels at all times nor can they control their bladder at all times. It's a muscle that must be built. Making your child clean up the mess is humiliating the child and punishing them for something that isn't their fault. Just like berating a child for having an accident. Wow.. I've heard it all now.

Kim - posted on 10/25/2009

Potty training is done for your son. now he is simply showing you sho is truly boss. Stop arguing with him and when he wets his pants tell him that he needs to take care of things himself. Don't get mad or laugh just be matter of fact about it. I have taught somewhere around thirty kids to use the potty 9 I have done childcare for a long time) and am working with my 2 year old son now. Just keep letting him know that you know he can do it and that when big boys have an accident they clean it us and put on clean clothes. He will tire of the work and use the potty. I have a friend whose 5 year old son still wore diapers until she told him she wasn't going to wile his rear anymore and he said he wouldn't do it because it was gross. They came to an agreement that he would do it himself or sit in it. He decided to put it where it belongs. Good luck.

Sherry - posted on 10/25/2009

based on what you are saying this sounds like an environmental issue if he seems to be going everywhere else except at home with if you don't mind me asking what types of methods have you tried to encourage him to go at home? in my situation my child was taken by CAS due to the fact that i was in a abusive relationship and i left and got my child back but it took a year to do so and during that whole they never once potty trained her at all so i knew i has alot of work to concidering the fact she was going to start J.K before she was 4 years of age. i had her in daycare as well cause i worked and i had her in pull-ups until she was able to stay dry for a 2 hr nap at the daycare then i put her in underwear after that yes she did have accidents but and even thoough some parents may even think this is kinda mean but when she did have a accident i would make her change her own clothes and since she didn';t like this at all this method helped me potty train her 100% completely by the time she started school that september which was 6 months from the time she came home to me and has never had an accident at all since and she is now 6 years old.

Lory - posted on 10/25/2009

If he is doing well everywhere but at home, let him be naked at home. I worked for both my son and my daughter. I think it has to do with the cool air, especially for a boy. No my kids did not go around peeing on everything.

Melissa - posted on 10/25/2009

When does it happen for nighttime training? He is trained during the day, but not at night. it is hard to find size 7 diapers and he leaks out of pull ups.

Marjorie - posted on 10/25/2009

Yes it makes a lot of sense to have dads involved even if it is just in the mind or on the telephone and what a great thing to tell daddy or show daddy when he next sees him. The whole thing could be like winning an Oscar award...but whatever method you use never get cross !

Marjorie

D. L. - posted on 10/24/2009

To all the struggling mums in the 'potty-training' phase with their children: Feel the pain, YES, been there, dun dat! lol. One thing to remember is that children mature cognitively at different ages, and you should treat your child as an individual, and not try to put them into a neat little category based on MAN-made ideals from a man with no children. The brain must mature as does language in a child before they can comprehend in their mind the correlation between knowledge, feelings/sensations and what to do with those biological urges. Basically, potty-training is training yourself [first] into a routine with your child. Only once the child has those cognitive recognitions can they put together that "OH, yes, I have a bladder/bowel urge...I had better do what my mum/dad/gram told me to do...". Urinating outdoors brings me to a funny "Flash-from-the-Past". Our family lived on a farm in rural Ohio. We relocated from the farm to the small village area where the school was on one corner and the church on another and homes close, but at least more than an arm's length away from one another. My brothers [pre-teens at the time] continued urinating outdoors after we had lived 'in town' for a while, offending many neighbours. It took some time to make them understand that society expects them to use the toilet, out of public view. On another note, as an adult, my partner and his sister and brother-in-law were returning home from a night of karaeoke-ing [I as the designated-driver]. The men had to do a wee. So we stopped. Just in the nick-of-time did they finish their business before a Police vehicle stopped to "check" on us. Luckily, neither were so slow as to have gotten arrested for INDESCENT EXPOSURE. Finally, I wonder if the transition between urinating outdoors to the more socialized toilet ritual will be more difficult than learning correctly, in the first place. [Not a criticism, just interesting stories and food-for-thought]. All the best to all the parents going through this phase....remembering...[with patience] THIS TOO SHALL PASS!

Jamie - posted on 10/24/2009

Our son has been potty trained for about 6 months. We slowly getting him use to it and then went head on about his 2nd B-day. It did help with the stickers and m&ms but I think when he had to help clean up and he saw my disappointment did it for him. I just told him he has to pee like a big boy to wear big boy under wear. It also helped when it started to get warm out he could just drop drawers anywhere and he loves that. Now its frustrating teaching him not to pee in the front yard or the neighbors house haha. Also we promised him he could ride a train when he was finally able to have no accidents and trains are his favorite things. I don;t bribe much but when it comes to a big accomplishment like this he deserved it. He now only wear a diaper at naps and bed time. I never tried the pull ups with him, I thought it would take away the fun of underwear.
Good Luck, every kid is different and learns at their own pace. Alot of it could be a control issue. My son loves his control.

Laura - posted on 10/24/2009

Maybe its because daddy is not there. Because both my boys act up and get very emotional as soon he is out of town. Maybe that is his way of letting you know that he needs his daddy! So maybe try sitting him down on the toilet every two hours and put his daddy on the phone to encourage him or put a picture of his dad in the bathroom so he knows that he is around (or if not in the bathroom give him a picture that he can hold or have in his room). My phone has a picture of my husband everytime he calls or I call him (Your phone should have this feature) and the kids think that he can see them and they point out stuff to him and explain stuff and let him know about there day, and it actually works for them. I had to potty train my oldest son while my husband was out of town and it was a battle until I tried some of these tactics and they actually worked. I guess they feel they can't do it without daddy being around. Just try you never know, and good luck!

Marjorie - posted on 10/24/2009

the less fuss you make the better....and lots of praise when they get it right! Girls are much quicker, can be trained from about 22 months but boys should only be started at 30 months ...the moment fear sets in you have a long battle ahead! Good luck to all mothers. marjorie

Carol Ann - posted on 10/24/2009

I'm a gramma by now and it's been a long time since I potty trained a little one. I have read you posts and I applaud all of you on your hard work and inventiveness on this important step in your child's development. I've been involved with my grandchildren and advised the young moms at work from time to time. And I've come to a conclusion the "Pull Ups" aren't such a grand idea. Sure they are convenient and less messy in some ways but I think they present a problem for the wearer. When I helped potty train my younger sibblings and then trained my children on "The Day" the diaper was taken off and the underwear or panties were put on. Did that mean they never would wear one again? Of course not. But when a little child that is learning about pottying in the right place part of that is the sensation of what happens when there is nothing to catch it and keep it from running down their leg and associating it with the feeling before hand. Teaching a child to go potty in the toilet isn't like potty training a puppy and it's a matter of the parent catching the child at the right time. Hence why Pull Ups don't work. For most children if they are allowed to associate the feelings that go along with the unpleasantness of wet pants, legs, socks, shoes, puddle on the floor, they soon learn to make it to the toilet in a more timely manner with the loving support of Mom and Dad. Mom and Dad just have to be willing to do a little extra laundry, be ready with the mop and bucket, and an extra portion of patience.

Leslie - posted on 10/24/2009

My almost 3 yr. old little girl pees in the potty great - she has the occasional accident, but we are pleased with that part. The pooping,however, is a problem. She will not go poop in the potty! She will not even let us know when she is pooping, she hides (she is ashamed of it)! I have told her that there is nothing to be afraid of -everybody poops! She is grossed out by her own poop and I have tried to explain to her that it's much easier to poop in the potty than to have it in her pull-up. I just want to help her get over this hurdle so she can start wearing big girl panties and be excited about it. Any suggestions?

Patricia - posted on 10/24/2009

I feel your pain. My son is going to be 3 in 2 weeks and we are still working on the potty learning. I have bought books for myself and him and done everything imaginable since he was two to try to get him into the potty. right now we are at a good stage where he pees in the toilet pretty much all the time but he is afraid to use the poop. He also reverts back to the pull up when he goes to his grandmothers. Here are some things that I have done to help him along. IT's not the cheapest idea but it has worked for me. My son loves cars and gummy bears so whe he was really resistant I started offering him some gummy bears or a hot wheels car if he would go. He couldn't get either one without going. It started working and now he either tells me he needs to go or he'll start pulling on his penis and I know he needs it. Of course now my dilemma is to convince him to poop in the potty and to get him to stop wanting gummy bears or cars when he pees. Another thing that seemed to work for me is to let it go. I used to stress about it so much that i would cause myself and my son anxiety everytime we had to try the potty. I felt like a bad mother because he wasn't using the toilet and every other child around me, younger than him was already doing it. But once I let myself accept that my child was going to go at a slower pace and stopped pressuring him, he was more willing to do it. I would ask him if he wanted to go (he was wearing pull ups) and he would either say yes or no. Good luck and don't feel bad. You are so not alone!

Daisy - posted on 10/24/2009

My 33 months old daughter been potty trained for a while now, sometime she successfully go to the bathroom on her own and sometimes insisted that she don't have to go potty because she did it already on her pull-ups. I tried Dora underwear which her favorite cartoon character and she got sooo excited about it, it lasted several hrs. She peed on our bed and yell, she doesn't need to go to the bathroom no more.
Recently, we went to Washington DC and she was so consistent on asking her need to go potty and I was so happy about it, she wears only one pull-up throughout the day. But there were times that I have to compromised when asked specially when there is no bathroom in sights and had to do a long walk to get there. Coming back home, once in a while she did it successfully and sometimes she keep insisting that she don't want to do it. Until it come to the point that I got mad at her. One day, I was resting in the couch and she came to me, Mommy, I am stinky, clean my hand got poop! I jump out from my sleep in the couch and saw her indeed no more pull-up and followed her in our bedroom. She was so proud telling me that she DID it, she tried to clean up herself, she came asks for help when she felt she got something on her fingers. I know, she knows what to do but just so hardheaded and strong-willed. Unfortunately, poops was on my bed sheets, glad I noticed it before going to bed because the time I clean her up, see nothing on the sheet. For me, I know there's nothing else I can do after trying all the tricks and ways but just by being consistent on her training. She will do it when she is ready, hopefully before she goes to pre-k next year, she is totally potty trained.

Anna - posted on 10/24/2009

My sister (Kat) is a wiz at potty training. Her oldest was trained at the same time my daughter was and her daughter is a year younger. My youngest sister has sent all 3 of her kids to Kat's house to be potty trained in basically a week (yes they still had accidents but they were few and far between). When they pee their pants, she makes them clean up their mess. If they poop their pants, she makes them clean out their underwear. Kids don't like doing those things and they will stop if it means they won't have to do those nasty chores anymore.

Robin - posted on 10/24/2009

I have to disagree with the comment that it's not your battle, and let him clean up his own mess. There are MANY children that have this problem. My son is going to be 3 in just 2 weeks, and we battle with the same. He has been trained for a good 3 months at least, but we still have the revert backs when he goes with his grandmother. My friends little boy was potty trained for a year, and reverted back. No matter how frustrating it is, keep plugging along. Eventually it will click, and he will start going and never stop again.
Something that works REALLY well for my son? He likes to pee "in the rocks" with the family's dogs. He gets a kick out of that. It started with my aunt's dog, and just continued with our own dogs at home. Let him pee outside, no matter where you are at. He's a little boy, and there isn't anyone (except the childless) who won't understand. :-) My little guy has peed in the walmart parking lot, along side the highway, wherever we are... if he has to pee, we stop and he gets to get out and pee like Daddy does!
Try getting his older brother to take him outside and make a game of "watering the grass" or painting the rocks.
I hope this helps you and you're able to get him trained. Rest in the knowledge that you're not alone. We're here fighting the fight with you! :-)

Amy - posted on 10/24/2009

My son did not show interest until he was 3 1/2 years old. Part of our problem was that we were forcing the issuing with him and it backfired. It became a control issue with him. It wasn't until Easter when he got a Sesame Sticker Book and Chart that it took off for him. We had tried stickers before and everything else and it hadn't worked. My advice.... keep trying different things and one day it will click for him, but you have to be willing not to force the issue with him or get upset with him.

Vicky - posted on 10/24/2009

My daughter just started kindergarten and is finally mostly trained. It was a battle since she was 2. She was trained fine for about 6 months, then decided she didn't want to do it anymore. She's even given herself several bladder infections over the years. Her younger sister was well trained before she was, that didn't even help. Since he does it well away from home, you know he can; so rest in that. Give up the power struggle, teach him to clean up his own mess, and leave it. It's not your battle.

Kia - posted on 10/24/2009

My son is 3 and will be 4 in December. He's been trained since he was about 1 and 1/2 years old. His great grandmother had me give him a water bottle to pee in. A regular 16oz. bottle and he enjoyed this. I told him whenever u have to pee let me know and u can pee in the bottle. We probably did that for about 2 weeks and I started pouring the pee into the toilet. He started using the toilet to pee and eventually stayed on to do number 2 as well. He was very easy to train but I think it had much to do with him getting a kick out of peeing in that water bottle.