Potty Training Help

Lisa - posted on 12/30/2008 ( 39 moms have responded )

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Can anyone give me any advice on potty training? My son is 3 1/2 and still not potty trained. He was doing well for awhile and then had a set back. He used to at least pee in the potty, but now he won't even do that without us pushing him. I'm afraid we are putting too much pressure on him. We asked the doctor today for some advice and he just said that he will do it when he is ready! Help!

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Ashley - posted on 01/02/2009

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My little boy was 3 1/2 before he was potty trained. We worked on it everyday, and he would pee in the potty but not poop, so we took what we got, then eventually he did everything. He just turned 4 and has had maybe 1 accident. Don't worry, my doctor asked me if I had ever heard of a kid going to kindergarten not potty trained, and the answer was no. Try not to discipline him to much or he will get discouraged. Good luck and don't worry he will do it, from your picture it looks like you have another son, just to make you feel better my 2 year old loves to go potty, because of his big brother.

Stef - posted on 01/02/2009

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If it helps you to feel any better, we were working on potty training our 4 1/2 year old for over a year...same type of stuff, he'd do really well, then start having constant accidents, etc. I finally stopped stressing about, it, and didn't respond much when he had accidents, eventually a light just went on for him, and he started going to the bathroom regularly...he was about 4 and 1 month when I can say that accidents were mostly a thing of the past. It's a tough time...hang in there!

Carolyn - posted on 01/02/2009

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I can certainly recommend a great potty training book, it's called "Potty Training In One Week" by Gina Ford...I know that a lot of mums don't like Gina Fords methods in baby care (although a lot of mums do!), please don't be put off this amazing book...she really does get it so right with potty training...I managed to potty train my 2 and a half year old boy with very little stress, just by doing exactly what the book said! Good luck...

Nancy - posted on 01/02/2009

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Having a girl.. I know its different.. but a few things that have worked for the girls i work with that have boys are:



1 - put cherrios in the toilet... ask him to try & sink them while peeing

2 - get him in the bathroom more with Daddy... and comment WOW Daddy... good job being on the toilet... and have Daddy comment when you come out for using the potty.. sounds funny but worked... because it shows the child it's a natural thing...



Lots & Lots of encouragement... & Good Luck!

Kimberly - posted on 01/02/2009

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I trained my children before they turn 2. After 2 years old their little wills are o strong PLUS they love the word NO a lot. What worked best for me was no underpants. I found the closeness of underpants confused them and they assumed they were wearing a diaper and just went. Does your doctor think one of these days your son will walk up to you and say "hey mom- I'm ready!"...likely not.

So, no underpants and maybe even not waering any pants when you're at home. Lots of rewards... you have to find out what works for your guy... they're all different. My youngest wanted to hear this wooden train whistle toot. We would toot it always when he went on the potty.

Also, has he gone to pick out a potty with you? He may find that the small ones on he floor are not right for him, maybe he wants on that fits on the gorwn up potty and has trucks all over it. Who knows. Good luck!

HUGS

Kimberly

Melanie - posted on 12/31/2008

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I have 4 kids.....3 boys and a girl. my youngest son turned 4 xmas day and refuses to use the potty and i have tried everything to get him to go.. my eldest sons were easy the eldest went from diapers to underwear no problems and my middle son potty trained himself at 18 months....my daughter is 2 and is using the potty.



my youngest son is a challenge but the more he sees his sister use the potty the more interested he becomes!!!

[deleted account]

I know it's not the best but with my daughter I used preschool as my potty training tool and it work. I told her she could not start preschool until she was potty trained. She was potty trained within a week.

Brenda - posted on 12/31/2008

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One good thing is that you have a younger son, also. Once the older one is trained, the younger one will want to follow his brother and there will be no problems with that one. I am in the process of training my 2 1/2 year old granddaughter. Got her a potty that makes a flushing sound and use stickers as her reward. It may seem like a lot of trouble, but sit the child on the potty at least every 2 hours and about 15 minutes after meals. Let them sit for about 5 to 10 minutes and try to go. Another grandfather suggested giving them a glass of water while sitting on the potty. This kind of makes them full and needing to go. You will need to stop play to remind them to use the potty, because they forget if they are having too much fun. I have worked in daycares and know that some children are trained by 2 and some still have trouble at 5. Just remember to praise them if they use the potty and let them join in with the duty of emptying and cleaning the potty. Kids love stickers! The fancier, the better. With a boy, stickers of trucks or sports seems best. Keep them visable so the child can see all the rewards that they have gotten.

Ashley - posted on 12/31/2008

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That's true, only they know when they're ready.

I got so fed up with changing my son's diapers all the time, so one Saturday morning we woke up and I said "nope, no more diapers" and that was it. He was about 3 1/2 then, which was earlier in the year.. He only had a few accidents during the day - nap time. Now he just wears a pull-up at night, and most of the time it is dry in the morning.

He gets rewarded for not having accidents during the night, and would in the beginning when he was first out of diapers.

He never really liked his potty chair, and only used it a few times. He had to be like his cousins and use the "big potty".

Christine - posted on 12/31/2008

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My dtr is 3 1/2 and we just started potty training over thanksgiving. She has had several accidents (to be expected), but she is doing well. She prefers to wear the Gerber Training panites to a diaper/pull up. She does have issues with constipation, so I do put a pull up on her at times. NEVER has she been wet though. I do put a diaper on for naps and bedtime, as per the GI doctors suggestion. One step at a time he said. She was very resistent at first, but then I started to give her 2 M&M's for every pee on the potty and 4 for every poop....it has been working and now she rarely asks for them!!! Good luck!!

Carrie - posted on 12/31/2008

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I am actually starting to potty train my 3 year old son today. He turned 3 in October 08. He's doing pretty well, considering it's the first real serious attempt. It's true that unless they're ready they won't do it. It sounds like he's ready, he just had a set back. Just keep trying. I know that's not really very concrete advice, but i think it's what every doctor would say.

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Believe it or not, your doctor is right! I have 4 kids. My oldest, was potty trained on her own at 2! The other 3 - all boys - were potty trained at 3 1/2 - 4. The oldest boy still had several accidents after 4. My youngest one is 4 and still wears pullups at night. His best motivator are his friends at school - they all go potty so that was why he ultimately decided to at almost 4! Be patient - it'll come!!!

Britney - posted on 12/31/2008

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My son had the same problem and regressed after my daughter was born. What you need to do is make him you the potty once every hour and when he does go potty reward him with candy or a sticker, which will make him look forward to using the bathroom more. The more you show you are proud the better he will do.

Catherine - posted on 12/31/2008

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the best thing is not to push as that will put him off and rely over preys when he dose use it my boy is 4 and we still do not have him trained just dont panic

Sarah - posted on 12/31/2008

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My 2 year (26mths) has been going successfully on the potty for 6 weeks now. It's true about just using underwear. Half the time we just had a naked butt because they can take themselves if the potty is just out (we, like some else who wrote, have on in the living room) Now it's just a diaper at night time. We did find it useful to have other kids who came over show our little one how to pee and that it was cool!

Lindsey - posted on 12/31/2008

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i have 4 children, and that advise from the doc is the best, jst chill out about it and it will happen. I did my 1st child too early and he has lots of accidents for quite a while after. It will happen jst chill. ps I have never used pull up during the day. best of luck xxxx

Mirelis - posted on 12/31/2008

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My son is a month away from turning 3 and we have been making a big deal about how he's not a baby anymore and how diapers are only for babies. Surprisingly, in a short weekend of encouragement, he is about 90% potty trained now. We kept the potty near his play area so that he would constantly see it, took away the diapers, and reminded him every half hour to try the potty. We also gave him new colorful underpants in all his favorite cartoon characters and we let him pick which one he wants to wear. Getting them involved so that they feel like they have a say is a big part of the process in changing their mindset. Pullups did not work at all for us so we went straight to "big boy underpants" cold turkey. And we reward him with 2 skittles every time he peepees and 5 for every poop. And every time he poops, we call Daddy at work, or grandma and make a huge announcement on how proud we are that he uses the potty. I haven't been brave enough to not put diapers on at bedtime yet because he's a really good sleeper who usually gives me 10-12 hours at night so I don't want to interrupt that, so my plans are to try once I notice drier diapers in the morning. I’ve read that cutting all liquids 2hours before bedtime will help aid in dry nights.

Rose - posted on 12/31/2008

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This is so typical of a toddler! He is showing some signs of "I still want to be a baby" Don't push him...he will only regress more! My son, he did this for about month when he was your baby's age and he learned that with one bad experience that Mommy was not going to clean up messes, I think he liked being clean bettter! I only left him dirty for little while though and he kept saying "potty ...potty..." My turn was to say "change your potty?" He would say"change potty" pointing to the potty.

Claudette - posted on 12/31/2008

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Your son's doctor is right...you need to introduce him to the potty. Forcing him will continue to set him back. Consistency is the word...he should go to the bathroom with his dad so his dad can encourage him...'Let me show you how the big boys do it!'



Make a chart...when you use the potty, give him one of his favorite stickers to put on the chart.

[deleted account]

There is a book I had for my daughter called potty train your child in one day. I bought it laughing at the till thinking someone was smoking something when they published this. Well it worked. I don't have it now so you'll have to look. But it's basically this: you and him and no one else in the house for 24 hours. And trust me those 24 hours are grueling but it's worth it. Stack up on juice and water and pop and keep him drinking and eating nuts or chips (salty makes you thirsty) so there's alot of trips. Each time he does one step (sits on the potty, waits for a few minutes... pushes whatever) you're giving him a candy or m&m- something sweet he wants. Sounds like puppy training huh? Well, it's the same concept. Keep the clothes off and get rid of the diapers. Train with a peeing doll too so he has a visual with his potty. And most importantly act crazy happy when he does it!

The 24 hour thing kinda works- he'll be trained. But he'll want to go back to old habits. Make him walk around with just socks and t-shirt next couple days. I know it sounds horrible but hey! he's gotta earn those pants back right? lol. Just don't have company over for a while. And those next few days just cut back on rewards but still make a huge deal of it.



Still not working? Doc could be right. Boys I find are really hard to train. My opinion is boys grow up slower than girls, and we just have to love them and be patient. He'll get it. My boy didn't completely leave diapers until 4 and my daughter quit diapers just before 2. Just depends on the kid really. Good luck to you!

Susan - posted on 12/31/2008

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This is crazy, however the only way my sister was able to get my nephew to potty train is..... every morning when he'd get up she would get really excited and tell him let's tinkle off the back porch! (CRAZY right)... it worked... after two weeks he was trained. He no longer wanted to wet in his diaper. Then you have to figure a way to get him to tinkle in the toilet... make it fun.

Denise - posted on 12/31/2008

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The best advice I can give on potty training is don't use the pull ups. Pull ups give a wrong message that is confusing to the child. If you have the luxury of being at home with your son, take advantage of this and take off the diaper and let him feel freedom! Once he pees and poops in his underwear he will catch on real quick. I let my daughter free roam the house and they were potty trained quickly. They also pooped their pants in the mall a few times, so I just carried extra underpants. Don't sweat it, but once you begin and take the daiper off, stay strong and don't go back, only use the pull up at night if you have to. I found the "Once Upon A Potty" book very helpful too. We read it over and over and over. Positive reinforcement is best put cheerios in the potty too and hv him aim at them good luck it will happen

Susan - posted on 12/31/2008

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I'm afraid the doctor is right! We have 3 and not one of them trained any sooner than they were ready. My littlest is 3 1/2 too, and he will only pee in the toilet. He has to run and put on a pull-up for #2... Now the docs. say that some kids take as long as age 5. Please try not to worry. Sometimes I just need to remind myself to relax because... everyone evetually gets the hang of it!! Good luck. :) Susie

Randi - posted on 12/31/2008

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well i have the same problem ever since i had my 2nd child my 1st child has taken steps back from the potty also. i would love know that answer myself, now my 2nd child at 1 1/2 is gotting to the potty with now problems. catch 22..i guess. let me know if u find the answer

Courtney - posted on 12/31/2008

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My advice is to put your son into real underware so, that he can get the feel of when he's wet. Sure he will have a number of acciedents, but that just makes him want to go to the potty. Have you bought Elmo Potty Training Time? My son loves to watch this DVD when he was learning how to potty. One thing you don't want to do is put real underware on him and go back to Pull-Ups. My son is 2 1/2 and that just totally confused him. Once I gave him real underware and he wet his self a couple of times he just went naturally.

Paige - posted on 12/31/2008

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I have a 4 1/2 year old son. I thought he was NEVER going to be potty trained!! He was going #2 in the potty but he wouldn't pee. Then it was the other way around. He didn't go #2 for 3 days. I asked the Doctor, he told me when he needed to go to put him in a diaper. So I did and with a few weeks he was going on his own!!! I know it is stressful!!! Just hang in there it will happen!!!! :o)

Jennifer - posted on 12/31/2008

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My Mom had a daycare and it is true. They will do it when they decide to do it. My daughter was the same way. We took all of her diapers and pullups away. She wet her pants only twice and decided she didn't like that feeling so she would end up rushing to the bathroom. We allowed her to go without pants for a week until she got the hang of getting to the bathroom in time. It was also a fun thing for her to go without pants. Good luck!

Claire - posted on 12/31/2008

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my son was the same,so i left him with no nappy on i left the potty in the room

and he just started useing it,after a while i just put him mormal pants on

but i let him choose his favourite charactor pants.

if you push him to much hwont do ite prob

Barbi - posted on 12/31/2008

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Get rid of the pull-ups and diapers. It is really yucky for him to have wet/messy pants. Make a big deal out of it, plan for "the day" that you will get rid of it all. Then, have him "help" clean up the mess if he makes one. Nothing really gross, just so it phases him that there is a really nasty mess that someone has to clean up. Keep him in "night-time underwear" (pull-ups) at night for your sanity and laundry, but do not let him keep them during the day. He'll get really comfortable with letting the pull-up do the work! This worked with my first son when he was about the same age as yours. Keep your chin up--some day we won't be so concerned with potty issues, right?

Sarah - posted on 12/31/2008

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I have two boys and I run a daycare. All kids are different that is for sure and they will do it when they are ready. My 4 year old finally got trained right after his third birthday. He had shown interest since he was 18 months and we did everything theysay incentives, sticker charts cheering and his potty training seemed to drag on and on. Pooping was the hardest for him to give up. What finally worked for him was my father in law suggested a pooping party. (I know it sounds crazy) His pawpaw told him if he pooped on the potty all week and no accidents that we woul have a party with cake and presents and everything. He did it. And all we did was get a cheap cake and his cousin and grandparents came with some balloons we wrapped up some new underware and those were his presents. He was very excited and wasw potty trained from then on. i was a huge sceptic but was willing to try any new suggestions at that point. I know this is not for everyone by any means just giving you an idea you may not have heard or tried just in case you would like too. It did work for my son. (I know it is not full proof though and I feel your pain.) Good luck in this not so fun indeavor especiallly when all your friends and family seem to know what you are doing wrong and don't mind telling you how to do it.

Lynn - posted on 12/31/2008

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I raised 2 boys they were trained by peeing in a bottle,they found this was fun. BM were rewarded with treats of sm pepperments that I kept in the bathroom in a dish. i used the pottie that you sat on the flush.

Amanda - posted on 12/31/2008

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I have two boys and was lucky in the sense that neither of mine liked to be dirty. We tried pull-ups with my oldest when he was 2 1/2 and the rewards and he caught on to that real quick. When we tried cutting back on the rewards to staying dry all day vs everytime he went he decided he didn't want to do it anymore. We just stopped trying figuring he wasn't ready. My husband is a car guy and once spring came and car shows my son really wanted to go with so we used that as his reward. If he was potty trained he could go with dad and leave mom home because dad didn't want to carry a diaper bag all day. It worked and he was trained at 34 mos. My younger son just hated being dirty so at about 29 mos we tried with pull ups and that wasn't working. I figured we would wait and when I told him we were going back to diapers until he was ready, he decided we were and went to underwear instead. He had maybe 2 accidents since then and he will be 4 in Feb. He also loves cars and trucks so his reward was going to see Monster Jam at the Metrodome here in MN. He knew his brother and dad had gone without us the year before so the 4 of us went as his "big boy" prize.



My niece on the other hand was almost 4 when she was trained. I really believe it happens when they are ready and if we push, they pull, and we get frustrated. Your boys look close in age so if it helps in any way, my boys were 18 mos apart and the second one is easier once they have someone to help cheer them on, etc. Is your 3 1/2 yr old going to go to preschool, or have something that he really likes to do? Preschool is what motivated my niece. We never pressured her to learn, she just knew once everyone started talking about school, etc that it was getting closer and she knew she had to be trained before she could go. She told my sister-in-law about 2 weeks before school started that she didn't need diapers anymore, went to underwear, and rarely had accidents. As someone else said, they will do it when they are ready. With a little brother, he may just need to see the benefits of not having the pull-ups as he may still see it as a time to get mom or dad to himself.

Stacy - posted on 12/30/2008

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I have 3 boys and they definately take longer than girls from what I hear from friends. But I suggest if he is in pull ups at all during the day, go straight to underwear and yeah you may be cleaning up but eventually they get tired of it. We did hershey kisses and if he peed on the potty he got 1 and if he pooped 3. He has just master the pooping this past month and will be 4 in January. He will catch on like the doc says but I must say potty training is not fun!! Good luck!

User - posted on 12/30/2008

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Sorry for your frustration. I got help from my daughter's school and some added incentives for her. We tried pull ups for a while but her teacher suggested we just go cold turkey, no diapers, no pull ups. (only at night) She said that being uncomfortable, wet pants or dirty undies will make my daughter understand it's not a good feeling. We had several setbacks but I also noticed my daughter's patterns, put her on the potty first thing in the morning, going potty before meals and after meals. Sometimes she'd feel urge, tell us then pee in matter of seconds. Skittles were her treat for making it. The incentive part was we had a trip to Disneyland planned and told her big girls going on potty go visit Mickey (this was a few months into potty training). We were happy to be potty trained by time trip was scheduled. We were fortunate, Ava was trained by the time she was 2 1/2, however I have friends who have little ones that are 3 and 4 still not potty trained. I just remember what my friend told me, "I've never heard of a kindergartner who wore diapers." It happens, just different times for everyone.

Trish - posted on 12/30/2008

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I have four children and one thing I learned is the baby likes to be the baby, so rather than using terms like, big boy or girl try using good boy or girl. This way the baby can remain the baby. After all we know the baby gets more attention so why would they want to be anything but.

Rena - posted on 12/30/2008

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It's true that they are ready when they are ready. Both of my boys were potty trained by 2 yrs 4 months. I don't think I had any real tricks but my system worked well for them with really no pressure or aggravation. I made sure there was a potty accessable on all 3 levels of my house. i even had one in my living room! I made a HUGE deal each time he went...even if it was barely a drop. He was so excited he wanted to continue! We also had jellybeans and he got one each time he went. For doing number 2 on the potty he got a small prize like a special treat or a little dollar store toy. It didnt take long at all for him. my second son took about a week altogether. We did the jellybeans but thats about it. he spent A LOT of time naked in the house. It was easier for him to have accidents in his clothes than if he was naked! Plus it makes YOU keep up with the asking and encouraging. One last bit of advice is to get rid of the diapers and pullups completely....even at night. We kept my first son in pullups at night and he is and still has nighttime accidents. We learned from the first time and took away all diapers at night from my 2 1/2 year old and he had 2 accidents in his bed the first week and has not had one single accident since!

Samantha - posted on 12/30/2008

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I had a tough time with my daughter who is just about 3 and she is now doing really well. I really feel that it's important to use as much encouragement as possiable and trying to not let them get discouraged. For some kids praise incentives work and others need a something like a sticker chart or something that they can see at first hand. So many moms have struggled with this so don't think that you are on your own. Hope you get some luck and if all else fails trust that within time he will just "get it".

Kathleen - posted on 12/30/2008

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I cant give you any advice but I can try to help you feel better. My boy turned 4 in October. We are lucky if he goes in the potty when we ask him. MAYBE once every few days he will go to the potty on his own but mostly we have to "suggest" he sit. He;s inpull ups all day, diaper at night. Just like everyone tells me... he'll do it when he;s good and ready. Everyone has and is still giving me tips but if one more person suggests positive re-inforcement, candy, little prizes, the money jar, stickers, etc.... Im going to take his dirty pull-up and .. you get my point. We have long since turned it into time outs, losing tv time, computer time, etc. Gotta make it worth it! Its all about the currency and making him work for what he wants. We ask him every half hour or so if he's gotta go. Sometimes he will produce right away. If he doesnt after a few minutes, he obviously doesnt have to go. However, if within a short time later he has gone in his pants, suffer the consiquences!



Your doc is right tho. It will play out when he's ready. Dont get frustrated. It sucks but no sense getting stressed about it.

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