Potty training or regressing

Brianne - posted on 04/15/2011 ( 40 moms have responded )

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I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter who started pottying in her pants ONLY at daycare. She does not do this at home. She has been potty trained for about 1 1/2 years now. I'm not sure if she is just regressing or if something more is going on. There is another toddler at daycare that picks on her, so I'm not sure if this is the reason? There has been a baby come to the daycare but that has been within a week, and her pottying has been going on longer than this. Any answers would be great. I've talked to my daycare provider just a bit about if anything has changed and she only mentioned the baby. I have not brought up the other toddler just yet, as I was not sure if this could be a reason for her doing this. Thanks in advance!

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Louise - posted on 04/15/2011

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Any change in environment can change her toilet habits. Ask your daughter what the problem is she is old enough to tell you. It could be she is scared to go to the tolilets on her own, or as you say this child, or the fact that she does not like being there at all. Try and get the answer out of her in a non confrontational way. Play a game with her and slip into conversation that you have noticed her pants wet from nursery why is that and then let her tell you. It could be so many things just be patient.

Connie - posted on 04/19/2011

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As a small group, multi-aged daycare provider, I can tell you that I ALWAYS warn all my parents that there is a minimum 2 week transition period whenever a child leaves or integrates into the program. This is their home, and these are the equivalent of siblings, and jealousy, positioning and re-setting of expectations and norms is always stressful for the children when changes occur. However, as you say, this began before the arrival of the baby. Potty training regression can be a form of AGRESSION. The child has complete control over it and may chose to do it on purpose as a "get even" strategy, especially if they feel picked upon, misunderstood, or somehow treated unfairly. At 3, your child needs the guidance of how to deal with a bullying toddler appropriately and firmly. She is old enough to walk away, play somewhere else, retrieve her toys, etc. It is in the toddlers best interest for her to be a positive role model in appropriate behavior and boundaries. I teach my older ones to not let the littler ones take items, to say, "NO! Not nice!" when they do something like hit or taking toys and walk away. Or to tell loudly and immediately, so that the toddlers learn that it's not ok. That issue needs to be addressed in and of itself. Provider's children are notoriously worst of all. Children are always worst with their mothers, and provider's children have a ton of competition and have to share their mommy with others, which totally sucks for them. However, this simply means that they must be handled differently, firmly, and consistently. It is the provider's responsibility to ensure that the children in her care are not picked upon by her own children. ANY type of bullying behavior, at any age, in any setting, needs to be brought up and dealt with immediately to the satisfaction of all parties. Don't let it slide. It is in the best interest of both children for this to be handled quickly and appropriately.

Lastly, I will agree that at daycare, it is SO much more difficult for a child to take the time to go to the bathroom. They don't want to leave their toys lest someone else claim them, they don't want to leave fun activities, especially at 3 when dramatic play can get very intense and drawn out, it's like having to leave in the best part of a movie. So it is entirely possible that she just is waiting too long and it's really not that big of an issue at all. Above all things, it shouldn't be punished, but rather managed. Figuring out the why and how to get her back on track is the way to go. I also agree that at 3, while she may not be entirely conscious of her reasoning, she could probably give you some insights. Best of luck.

Alicia - posted on 04/18/2011

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Sometimes it can be triggered by an emotional stress, so it's entirely possible that the other child picking on her has caused the regression. My 3 year old has been potty trained for around a year and recently we had a set back also. I'm not terribly concerned because it isn't our first one. I would say not to worry too much about it, but if there is a bullying issue you may want to address it with the teacher.

Tinker1987 - posted on 04/18/2011

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well,is this baby in the same room as her? at the daycare i worked at the kids were seperated in differnt groups/rooms based on age.if she is in a room with babies that could be confusing her and making her act like she can potty her pants like a baby would...secondly it could be the toddler that picks on her,maybe it makes her nervous. i suggest keeping on the staff at the daycare...have a staff member start regularly getting her to go potty or asking her if she needs to potty.

Michelle - posted on 04/19/2011

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It might just be she is having to much fun and not listening to her body when it is time to go. Is it her first year there? My daughter who is 4 does the same thing sometimes when she is playing and gets to the bathroom to late. I would bring up the toddler that picks on her because if the toddler is not stopped early then they will just become more of a bully. Even if it is not the reason for the potty accidents. Picking on or bullying should not be tolarated at any age.

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Brittany - posted on 05/02/2011

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My son is 2 1/2 & has been potty trained for almost a year now. No accidents in the night, none at home or at grandparents houses....he wears "big boy undies." With that said, almost everytime we go out into public now he has an accident. He'll tell us he has to go, but he refuses to use the public restrooms. It all started with one bad experience for him a few months back, we were at the mall & I took him to the restroom....before he even went pee in the potty, the automatic flush system went into action & scared him into a fit. Now it doesn't matter if the toilet has the automatic flush or not, if we're in public he WILL NOT use the toilet. I don't know what is causing your daughter's accidents, but I can attest to the fact that one bad experience can alter them entirely. I'm sure your little one isn't regressing, something has triggered it....especially since she still goes on the potty at home. I think you should focus on the toddler that's picking on her, bullying can take away a child's confidence which could be the reason for the accidents.

Angela - posted on 04/27/2011

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A child I care for does that with me. he goes on potty chair at home but in his diaper here. He is going to turn 3. The change in environment, distarcted by having fun your child might have to be reminded, Daycare is a huge distraction. I try and remember to remind the boy I watch here and when i do he goes. Suggest to child care provider to remind him or her see if that helps. Also children go through stages to. Its normal to go back and fourth on things like that, Its a stage that can past. hope this helps

Eram - posted on 04/27/2011

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Besides all the reasons like
a.) Any Emotional Stress
b.) Not liking the day care
c.) The boy who is picking on her
d.) the newcomer baby at the daycare

One other reason that came in my mind combining th other reasons is that you taught her potty training, it was under your support and guidance she learnt it to do, maybe she didnt like it at that time and thought ok!! momma is not at th daycare now so she wont know about it and these babies can do it in their panties why cant I do it. Hope this prob solves soon for you. Best of Luck

[deleted account]

I had a similar problem when my daughter was in head start many years ago, at that age any any change can reverse the potty training especially if there is a problem with another child. ( RED FLAGS) went up for me. Do talk to your provider about the bullying ,and it wouldn't hurt to have them keep a eye on your daughter to see if anything else is going on your not a where of , Also you should request a conference with the childs mother/father and your provider, hopefully you'll be able to get things back on track, and do mention the bullying and that it is unacceptable and will not be tolerated by you. ...Good Luck to you

[deleted account]

If it was mine I'd find a different daycare one way or another and see if that helps. Often a child just doesn't adjust or fit in at one, but thrives at the next one ... isn't always 'anyone' in particular's fault ... just not happy. You have nothing to lose by trying a different one ... most places have more than one center/child care provider

Serene - posted on 04/26/2011

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As a childcare provider I have seen this behavior before and it has been in older children; such as 5 and 6 year olds.. Problem was that the kids lay down for 2 hours around 1230 to 230 and they would go potty before they laid down but, they had problems with their teacher, they would get scared to ask the teacher to go potty or when they would ask them during naptime I've heard alot of teachers tell them,"No." then they end up wet after naptime because the teacher told them they couldn't use the potty... Another thing is that how would she know anything about this new baby are they are in the same class? Is she in a home daycare center? As far as the boy picking on her she needs to report it to the staff and let them know or teach or use her words by telling the teacher about the boy and she also needs to tell the bullie that she does not like being hit or hurt. Good Luck!!

Amanda - posted on 04/26/2011

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I would bring up the other child. My daughter had just finished potty training and when she had to use the restroom like if they were outside or when the classroom was being cleaned she was told she had to wait thus she was having accidents. So, I would definetley mention anything that changes especially since she may not being letting you know everything. She might be scared. I would check everything out. Sorry I get crazy when it comes to my kids especially because when these incidents happened there was already a lot going on her dad was deployed I had gone back to work and school we had just moved. Just a little advice.

Peggy - posted on 04/26/2011

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I am a preschool teacher. Your daughter should be able to give you some insight on why she only has accidents at daycare. Does she wait until the last minute? Do other children go into the bathroom when she is in there? Some children get hesitant if others are around. You should talk to the daycare provider as well. Have her describe what is going on around the daycare when she has the accidents. Good Luck.

Wendy - posted on 04/26/2011

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Girls have small bladders normally, however, children can actually grow faster than their bladder. What does this mean for the child and potty training and bed wetting? It means they have a harder time getting to the bathroom dry and bed wetting. It's believed to run in families. Just because a child will pee in the toilet does not mean they will poo. They use different muscles for these jobs. Peeing is usually the first to come. If there are issues like autism or stress a child will develop more slowly or have regressions. Never rule out medical issues until you have checked with a doctor. In my case I have to work with autism and a compulsive need to learn. My son won't use the bathroom until he's finish what he's doing, which is often too late. The toilet to him doesn't make sense when you just can change some clothes or a pullup. We are having a little success but it's slow. I still think that she should look at changes in routine or medical issues. She will have a regression. For regression you have to get them to recognize that the toilet is better than a diaper.

Colleen - posted on 04/25/2011

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Two things stand out to me in your question. First, the fact that she only does it at daycare and second, the fact that she had been doing it prior to the new baby's arrival at daycare. I don't think it has anything to do with the new baby. I do think that there is a definite reason why she is only doing it at daycare. While I believe that she may be getting distracted and waiting too long or not wanting to go and leave the toys she is playing with for fear another child will take them, I think that there is a good possibility that she is afraid to go to the bathroom. Kids are notorious for telling kids things like the potty monster will get you and bloody Mary hides in the bathroom. It happened to a younger child at the gym I was coaching gymnastics. Older children probably come to the daycare after school and you never know what they may have told her. I explained to the child who was much older than 3 and 1/2 that it was all a lie, as did her mother, but the child remained fearful and I had to watch her for signs of needing to go (figgeting) and accompany her to the restroom for many months until she was able to overcome the fear. Also, if she feels that the toddler that is picking on her is getting away with it because her mother/the daycare provider allows it, she may be doing it to punish her. I also had a child that at an extremely young age, after potty training was also very modest and when he got walked in on at a daycare he didn't want to go to the bathroom there anymore. He was also very sensitive to the clean factor and unsavory smells in restrooms and refused to go if they didn't meet his standards. Check out the restroom and see if it is clean, well lit and ask your daughter why she doesn't go to the restroom at daycare. My son told me he was afraid to get walked in on but also had gotten locked in and couldn't unlock the door when he had tried locking it.

JERRY - posted on 04/25/2011

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I HAD 6 BROTHERS & 4 SISTERS WITH A MULTITUDE OF NIECES & NEPHEWS.
NOW I HAVE 4 SMALL GRANDDAUGHTERS & AM CONSTANTLY TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHY THEY DO WHAT THEY DO. I FEEL VERY STRONGLY THAT WHEN CHILDREN REACH THE AGES OF 2 OR 3 & UP THAT EVERYTHING THEY DO IS FOR A REASON. MAYBE NOT BY OUR REASONING STANDARDS OF COURSE BUT THEIRS. YOU ARE A VERY LOVING PERSON TO WANT TO KNOW WHY. SOME PARENTS JUST FEEL IT JUST A BAD THING & THAT'S THAT & SHOULD BE PUNISHED FOR IT.
ONE OF MY GRANDDAUGHTERS (5YRS OLD) HAS "ACCIDENTS" USUALLY IF A FAVORITE CARTOON OR MOVIE IS ON & SHE DOESN'T WANT TO MISS ANYTHING.
SOME KIDS EITHER HAVE SOMEONE, SOMETHING OR HAS THEIR ROUTINE CHANGED. FOR INSTANCE IF A CHILD HAS BEEN PLACED IN A PLAYROOM WITH OTHER CHLDREN & A WHOLE BUNCH OF TOYS SHE HAS NEVER PLAYED WITH BEFORE IS THERE SHE OR HE MAY ASSOCIATE GOING TO THE BATHROOM WITH LOOSING THIS SPECIAL TOY THEY HAVE FOUND TO ANOTHER CHILD (MOST WORKERS WOULD TAKE IT AWAY & LEAVE IT IN THE TOYROOM IN ORDER TO GO POTTY) SO THEY JUST REFUSE TO GO.
WHAT IF ONLY ONE NEW TOY WAS ADDED TO THE TOY ROOM THAT DAY & THIS CHILD FELT LIKE THEY HAVEN'T PLAYED WITH IT LONG ENOUGH ( AS THEY USUALLY ALWAYS DO)?
JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT LITTLE ONES ALWAYS HAVE SUCH SIMPLE EXPLANATIONS FOR EVERYTHING THEY DO. WE NEED TO LISTEN CLOSER & ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS WITHOUT MAKING THEM FEEL THEY'VE DONE SOMETHING SO WRONG. WE'LL NEVER FIGURE OUT ALL OF THEIR LITTLE FEELINGS BUT LET'S KEEP TRYING.
WHAT ARE SOMEONE ELSE'S THOUGHTS?
LUVIN MY BABIES - MAWMAW IN THE COUNTRY !

Susan - posted on 04/25/2011

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I have had the same problem with my son and we soon figured it out. At the daycare is there more than one person using the restroom while she is in there? That might be the cause she may not feel comfortable going in front of other kids

Annette - posted on 04/25/2011

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As a daycare provider that does a lot of potting training, there usually is a trigger to the behavior. I would bring up the subject of her being bullied... is the child older that picks on her ?? does she have the privacy to actually go to the bathroom?? Does your daughter say what was said or done to her?? and be very aware of her mannerism when she talks to you, it is an indication the she may not like this child because of what was said or done. AND it may be as little as "I don't want to play with you, you baby" type of thing. I hope you can figure it out. Good Luck

JEANNETTE - posted on 04/25/2011

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MY DAUGHTER IS 3 AND 1 MONTH, AND STEEL WORRY, BECAUSE SHE STEEL PEE IN THE BED, AND SHE GO TO THE WASHROOM, THE PROBLEM THAT SHE USUALLY GO TO THE WASHROOM WHEN SHE WET HER UNDERWEAR A LITTLE , THAT WHY I PUT , PULLUP UNTIL , BECAUSE SHE STEEL POO, I DON'T KNOW , WHY BECAUSE SHE DO IT , SOMETIME , BUT I TALK TO HER DOCTOR, AND HE TALK ME IS OK, SHE WILL LEARN , BY HER SELF, BECAUSE IF , I GET MAD OR I QUIP TELLING YOU SHOULD GO, DON'T DO THAT , SHE WILL, COME COSTIPATED, AND SCARE OF GOING TO THE WASHROOM, SO I AM WORST THAN YOU, EVERY CHILD IS DIFFERENT , SOMETIME I THING SHE WILL NEVER, LEAN , BUT AFTER, I THING POSITIVE, SO DON'T WORRY OK.

Melissa - posted on 04/25/2011

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maybe talk to the daycare and suggest that they watch closer to the child that teases her and suggest that they keep them apart more- to see if that can help with the potty problems. If they can seperate them rooms that's great, but if they can prevent the teasing by redirecting the problems even better! It's a shot in the dark but at least it's a start. Or try a new daycare- get in at one your daughter could be happier with I hate to say that but if the daycare's the trigger and she's happier with a new one and that is the trigger maybe that's what she needs. I Transfered my son daycares at a year because the one he was at he was not thriving in, and within 2 weeks he was crawling, walking, using a sippy cup, happy, babbling more eatting table food almost all the time, supplementing with jar food because he was becoming a little pig some days!

Corinna - posted on 04/24/2011

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have you consulted your pediatrician, there are instances when a child may regress to show frustration because of a change in environment, frustration from feeling helpless, or other harmless reasons that could simply be outgrown. There are also more alarming causes that a doctor should check for, is she being abused, by her daycare providers, pushed aside or mentally belittled, there is also a possibility that she might be suffering from something scarier that nobody wants to think about but a child who is being sexually abused may regress to "accidents" as a way to denture advances they find uncomfortable. Please talk to your pediatrician.

Karrisa - posted on 04/24/2011

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Its wanting attention with the baby there she is trying to be the baby instead of the big girl she is. Do a reward system at daycare and hope for the best.

Debbie - posted on 04/23/2011

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regression tends to be a sign of stress or illness... my daughter is 34mths and regressed recently coz my ex introduced a few new ppl to her n she was seeing them every week and she rarely gets one to one with him anymore so i had bad behaviour and wetting herself... i was just supportive and reassuring with love and talking to her...

Ntahli - posted on 04/21/2011

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I agree with Ali, we have similar probelm. My daughter is 2yrs and 2mths always when Im collecting her from daycare she is always wet she doesnt potty at daycare, but when we are at home she uses it she always tells me mummy i want to loo. But sometimes I have problems so we all need Good Luck it gonna be ok oneday just be patient. Thanx!!!

Lee - posted on 04/20/2011

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I doubt it is regressing. Sounds to me like there is something at daycare could well be the toddler picking on her but I'd put my money on something that is new could be a new child, new carer or another kid changing their attitude toward her. Whatever it is its bad enough for her to cause her to not use the toilet so I'd be getting onto the daycare or changing providers.

Sandra - posted on 04/20/2011

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I am the mother of what I call a spiteful pee'er. My daughter doesn't throw fits and only complains if she is really tired. What she does do is pee her pants because she isn't getting the attention she wants. I would ask the day care provider if there is a pattern to the peeing. Does she do it when she is play with or being picked on by this other child. Does she do it when no one is watching her? If you can figure out the trigger you can figure out how to stop it. For my daughter I used stink bugs. On the way home from one of her peeing incidents (I had changed her clothes) a stink bug came out of no where and was crawling on her arm. She screamed in "terror", I pulled over and removed the stink bug. I told her the stink bug crawled on her because she smelled like pee from peeing her pants. Probably not nice, but so far, no peeing her pants! Good luck.

Terasa - posted on 04/20/2011

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my child is 3.5 she pottied overnight with her dad at friends house. and had done it a couple of times at home. i was told it could be a need for attention of some sort. i try and keep up her potty routines and lots of care
she hasn't pottied since. hope that offers some help.

[deleted account]

Something else is going on there. For her to regress after having been potty trained for that long is odd.
Now rule out that she doesn't have a bladder infection (UTI). I used to get them a lot at that age because I was holding it too long to keep playing.
Ask your daughter during a calm time why she's doing it. Make sure you are clear about the fact she is not in trouble that you just want to know why she's doing it.
IF it's something as simple as she's holding it too long because she is so engaged with her play then see if her child care provider can prompt her to go try.
If it continues I'd start asking more questions of your child care provider.
Also work with your daughter about how she can cope and deal with the child picking on her. Help her practice saying things like "Stop pushing/hitting me, I don't like that"
If the child takes toys from her have her practice confidently saying "I was using that give it back please" and then direct her to ask the provider for help when her words don't work. A good provider should then reinforce and back her up by helping the other child comply.

Good luck,

Nicole (I am a mom of a 2.5 year old, have my Early childhood education diploma, have worked in centers for 6 years and home child care for 5 years).

Wendy - posted on 04/20/2011

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You're daughter maybe having problems with change, but those changes maybe with her interests or she maybe feel stressed. Yes stressed about maybe missing something. I know my son is afraid of missing something that's going around him or on TV, but he has the added ASD diagnosis. I'd recommend that you talk to her about it as a gentle reminder but don't make feel bad. She'll figure out & it will work out. I've been told that regression can happen to the best of kids even the normal ones. I'd worry only if it becomes a problem with other areas or with the daycare staff.

Wendy - posted on 04/20/2011

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You're daughter maybe having problems with change, but those changes maybe with her interests or she maybe feel stressed. Yes stressed about maybe missing something. I know my son is afraid of missing something that's going around him or on TV, but he has the added ASD diagnosis. I'd recommend that you talk to her about it as a gentle reminder but don't make feel bad. She'll figure out & it will work out. I've been told that regression can happen to the best of kids even the normal ones. I'd worry only if it becomes a problem with other areas or with the daycare staff.

Terri - posted on 04/20/2011

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Hi Brianne, I'm a daycare provder and I have to admit it is hard when a new baby comes in, but I doubt if its only started a week ago that is the problem. By all means discuss both the issues (potty accidents and the child thats picking on your daughter). More than likely shes frustrated too, and will have noticed the interaction b/n the two kids. Some other things to think about...does your daughter go to the bathroom all alone at your house? Like pulling up and down her own pants? If she doesn't helping her learn to do that at your house will help her at daycare where she might be learning to do it there and fighting it. At 3 we daycare providers start hearing "my mommy does it this way". she may be bucking the dc providers way. As a new baby starts things are disrupted. the provider know has her "hands full" where before she might have been able to help her more. Or maybe she is playing so much and having so much fun she isn't getting to the potty on time or doesn't want to stop playing, where at your house she doesn't have that distraction. It may be your daycare provider needs to set a timer for her as well as your daughter to be reminded to go. Just some ideas...talk to your provider, it takes a village to raise kids, working together is a good thing!

Christine - posted on 04/20/2011

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I had a similar issue with my son when he was about that age. He had been potty trained for about a year....so much so that we didn't need to even ask him if he had to go. Then out of the blue, he started having accidents. He had just started pre-school, although he didn't have accidents at pre-school, just at home (but he was only at preschool 2 days a week for 3 hours). I also worried about whether or not it was something emotional and searched for some other complex reason why he had regressed. Turned out he simply was waiting too long to go because he was so involved in what he was doing. We started regularly taking him to the potty again (every couple of hours or so) and that worked like a charm. After a few weeks, he was back to going on his own. If your daughter is in an all day daycare, you might want to request that they take her to the potty on a regular basis. It could be something more complex like you mention with someone that makes her nervous or the introduction on a baby to the environment. But sometimes the answer is simple. Good luck!

Byrenda - posted on 04/19/2011

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I think the baby maybe in fact be the problem. My 3 year old Dante began using the potty by the time he was 18 months. As soon as I gave birth to my now i year old Aidan, he wouldnt go to potty anymore and I noticed he tried so hard to have my attention all the time.

Brianne - posted on 04/19/2011

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Thank you everyone for the comments and feedback. I've read all of them and will definately take away the information. As for the toddler picking on my daughter..the toddler belongs to the daycare provider and I will address that concern as well. Again, thanks and if anyone else has feedback, I'm all ears.

Jonique - posted on 04/19/2011

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Sometimes when toddlers are at a daycare or even just a playdate, they can get sidetracked with all of the playing and festivities. Is it possible that your daycare person is not reminding her? Even though she has been potty trained for a while she may still need a reminder because she is so busy. My daughter started to do a squirmy dance instead of telling me she had to go, so that is how I knew she was holding it. Also, if this doesn't help, you may try some type of reward system: make a chart that you can put stickers on, and everyday she comes home with no accident she gets a sticker. Start with like 2-3 days of no accidents and she gets a reward, and work your way up to all 5 days. Then she will get to where it is just second nature and you will be able to forget all about the rewards. If she does have an accident though, don't impose an actual consequence, just let her know you are not happy about it and to try harder the next. The only consequence should be her not getting a prize if she didn't meet her goal by the end of the week. :) I hope this helps! Good luck!

Samia - posted on 04/19/2011

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i agree with Louise may b she doesnt like the place ,u need to talk to her and play with her till she tells u wt bothers her and never ever blame her at all good luck:)

Ali - posted on 04/18/2011

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I have a similar problem with my son who is 2.5, he will rarely sit on the potty at home and sometimes he wont in daycare either! I am puzzled, but know it will click one day. They are all different - hope you and I have some luck soon, guess we both need to hang in there, that is what I have been told!

Edith - posted on 04/18/2011

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I have 2 sons. One 35 and the younger one is 17 and has Downs. Both boys have a lot in common with the way they have done things and learn. We were told with the younger one that he would get to a point and stop learning. I am thankful to God that he is stell learning. Because I knew it could happen I watched, prayed and saw what was happening at the time with the younger one. Later I remembered big brother did many of the same things. They did things and do things today for one person and not another from day one. They would do things for Dad and I they would not do for others. But more often they do for others and not for Mom and Dad. That includes every thing from potty when little to school work to helping around the house. The first 10 times Joey "shut down" I panicked. He would accomplash something then he would regress on every thing else. Sometimes it lasted only a few days and sometimes weeks. We were told that with him we saw it more because the new thing would domante his brain and he had to put his full attion to it. Making it look like he regressed somewhere else. I have found that a word or action that is not intended to ofend from a child or adult could cause problems with things a child knows.

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