Pregnant again dont know what to do?

Leni - posted on 05/09/2012 ( 126 moms have responded )

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I am 19 years old I have a 10 month old and found out im pregnant again by the time I have my other child I'll be 20 years old, thats a very young age to have two kids. Im still trying to go to school and work but i find it thats its going to very difficult for me to do both I really need advice on how I can handle this? Has anyone been in a similar stiuation like mines?

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Shawnn - posted on 05/10/2012

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Leni, while this one may be a surprise, it sounds like you're in a stable situation.

Yes, NOW, 20 is considered young to have 2 kids, but century ago, heck even 50 years ago, you were considered a failure if you didn't have multiple kids by the time you were 20! So, that may help with the perspective.

If you and your partner are on good terms, and able to have solid discussions and plan for your future, you are leaps and bounds ahead of some young ladies that are your age. It sounds like he's a good man, supportive, there for you and with you. You should be fine with this adjustment.

Just remember, hon, that YOU need time too. Don't get lost in kids, studies, house and partner without making sure that you have at least 15 minutes a day to yourself. No distractions, no disturbances, just quiet for YOU>

Best of luck, honey, I'll be thinking of you

Louise - posted on 05/09/2012

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wow 2 kids at 20 is this really what you want? If you are going to continue with the pregnancy you are going to need a lot of help and support from your family and friends. You will need to plan your day from start to finish getting school work in and being a mum is going to be tricky.

The father of these babies is going to have to help out by taking the kids at night so that you can study and sleep to pass those important exams. If he protests tell him you are working towards a brighter future for you and the kids.

When you do have this baby for goodness sake look into long term birth control or you will be having three kids by the age of 21!

Robin - posted on 05/10/2012

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@Rebecca: "A child belongs with its parents if not don't have it."

So you're saying that no matter what, every female that births a child should raise it? Even drug addicts? Women with severe mental disabilities? Women who were raped? Women in abusive relationships? Homeless women? The 9, 10, & 11 y.o. girls that are having babies? They should all force the child to suffer through life just because they don't believe in abortion? I wholeheartedly disagree and I know dozens of adoptees that would too! Why make the child(ren) suffer when there are literally thousands of people in much better situations that would absolutely love to provide that child with a stable, loving home environment?
I do agree that Leni sounds like she's a good mom, but everyone needs to know their limits. At this point in her life, she may not be able to effectively parent 2 babies and the fact that she was on birth control seems to back that up. With everything she is trying to accomplish in her life right now, the best option for her family and the new baby may very well be for her to bless the child and someone else by placing it for adoption. She could always set up an open adoption plan so that she could have contact with the child. There are many situations where children are better off with someone other than their bio-parents.

Cheyenne - posted on 05/11/2012

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This is to all the mums STILL trying to convince Leni to giver her baby up for adoption! I did not once see anything about adoption in Leni's question though I did see that she is asking for advice on how to juggle everything including the new baby! Since when do you just give up a baby because you are going to school and working ? I doesn't make sense to me. She doesn't need any negative advice so if you don't have anything nice to say don't say it.

Of course it is going to be hard as it is for all mums of all ages but you will do great Leni xx

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/09/2012

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Well, you certainly are not in an ideal situation. It all comes down to whether or not you want to keep the baby. You have options of adoption, abortion, or keeping it. That is good that you are still going to school, and I highly recommend that you continue regardless of your decision. I agree with what Louise has to say about the support system. And girl, you need to practice safe sex. You learned the hard way 2 times now.

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Katherine - posted on 05/12/2012

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Since the OP has abandoned this post, I am locking this thread.

Katherine
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Coco - posted on 05/12/2012

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You can do it! You have time to meet your goals and love your children, both, if that is what you choose to do. Take it all in stride. And good luck.

Carla - posted on 05/12/2012

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Accidents happen. That's life. You might have to change your plans alittle until the babies are older. I had twins at 22. It was hard but not impossible. If you have a supporting partner, friends, and family you will do just fine. Motherhood is the most precious gift a woman can receive. You might feel you are too young at 20, but I promise years from now you will be proud of yourself for being mature and handling it all in a tough situation. So glad you are against abortion. A friend of mine still has regrets after 30+ years. GOD Bless you and know he will help you through the tough times.

Nicki - posted on 05/12/2012

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Honey, let me tell you something. I had my kids in pretty much the same way. I had my first right after turning 18, and my second 2 weeks b4 my 20th bday. The road ahead will not be easy, but you just do the best you can. My girls are now 13 and 14 (almost 15), and i dont regret it for even one day.Our lives werent always easy, and I wasnt almost the most patient mom. My husband at the time wouldnt hold a job and we moved alot, so I felt bad that they didnt have a very stable life, Sometimes I wasnt even sure how I was going to make ends meet, but somehow we managed, we got by. Sometimes I tell them Im sorry if I wasnt the best mother or if they didnt have a good life. They tell me they dont know what I'm talking about, they say they never remember having a bad life. They tell me I am a great mom and not to be so hard on myself. I guess really what I want to say is that even though you are young, age doesnt always make a good mother. Yes, it helps, as I now have a 1 year old and notice how I am able to better handle things. But you could be 30 years old, make a hundred grand a year and still not be a good parent. My advise: do the best you can, teach them morales and standard, hug them alot, always put their needs first, try to find patience, and never forget they are precious gifts. My girls are both healthy, happy teenagers, They do pretty good in school, and for the most part stay out of trouble (as much as a teenager can LOL). It was a bumpy road, and like I said, I wasnt always the best at everything I did, but I never stopped trying. Even if you make mistakes with your kids never be afraid to apologize to your kids, they will always except. Good luck, hope I helped. :)

Naomi - posted on 05/12/2012

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Maybe practice SAFE sex not unsafe sex and I am aware nothings ever guaranteed but you must have known what you were doing in the first place so suck it up and figure it out,you were old enough and aware enough to have sex and procreate after already struggling and I think that was foolish on your part but its unfortunate that your say your trying to do positive and now will be held back and be overwhelmed

Chandra - posted on 05/12/2012

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Please know that you are not the first, nor you be the last who deals with this situation. Less than a generation ago, most women had children in their early twenties. So this is not a world ending matter. I suggest you use the time available locating childcare so that you can continue your education & working when the baby arrives. Yes I faced this similar situation when I was 25 & a college graduate! My first two children are 18mo apart. The best advice I can give you is to have your childcare in place with substitutes on call. Find a doctor or clinic that's available during nontraditional hours so you can take your kids in without missing work. Start building your support system by asking family & friends for help now. Also consider taking classes on line if possible. If not, consider taking a lighter load - 1 course instead of 2. Please don't obsess over the untimely pregnancy so much. Your job now, is to bring a healthy child into the world in a few months. Love yourself & your children. Everything will be alright. Peace.

Sally - posted on 05/12/2012

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You have a hard row, there! But it can be done! Start asking for help from the dad! (hopefully, it's the same dad ) Family is important! There are programs you can look into that will help you...mentally & physically & monetary. It'll be hard, but it can be done! I feel for you! But I also know that with perserverence, it can be done! Just think about other young moms with triplets!! Maybe that'll make you feel better!

Jenna - posted on 05/12/2012

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You can handle it hard as it will be many people get through it. I would suggest though that you two get together and talk about long term solutions for birth control. He could get a vasectomy, they are reversible, or you could get the implant in you arm. I would suggest you don't count on that pill anymore. Sounds to me like you all want a life and the more kids the less time for that. Just something to think about. Besides after this second baby you two are going to be too tired to care about sex anymore. Fix the problem an you will get relief from the worry.
Good Luck.

Teresa - posted on 05/12/2012

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Hi Leni, it sounds like this news has come as quite a shock! I have been there I had a 18mnth old then a a 10 mnth old and then I was pregnant again! basicaly three under five, so I have a small understanding of what it is your thinking right now. I also worked part time as well. I was a little older than you 23 but not much. First of all dont panic! ok panic for a minute! ok lets look at the praticality of having two children who will be so close in age, when my third baby was born I thought it was going to be such hard work, but actually it was like having twin babies as they were still very young, they slept together in their crib went out together in their pushcahir, nap time was together so actually it was at first not to time consuming. The nice thing was they started kindergarden in the same year and also school. They are in their late twenties now and very close like I said almost like twins.

For the first couple of months give yourself a break and know it is going to work out, I used to ask for help as much as I could from friends and family and would never say NO if it was offred, make sure you do the same, getting a good routine is also good for you and the babies. Contact the local college and see if there are any students on childcare courses who would like a placement as a nanny for work experiance, I had a studen nanny for the first four weeks for three days a week, it was a great help and I did not have to pay.
Most of all I can tell you it does get easier as they get older, but make sure you buld a plan and dont loose your own plans in all of that, keep going with your study and never feel guilty about getting support and help from family and friends.
Mine are now all adults and yes there were days when I thought I was going to go crazy! but the good days made it worth it, my daughter is now married with her own baby and says 'how did you do it' and one day your children will do the same. Message me if you need some support. Good Luck .

Lindsey - posted on 05/12/2012

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I also had 2 by your age, JUST MAKE SURE THEY KNOW YOU LOVE THEM, and everything will work out in the end,it will be hard going but at least you have support, so go ahead - you will look back and you'll see it was all worth it , I'm 45 now and have 2 beautiful grandaughters x

Dee - posted on 05/12/2012

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You sound to be in the best possible position for a young mum. Just remember the kids will get older & you will get time for you & your career even if you have to put it on hold for a bit.

Dianelle - posted on 05/12/2012

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I had my first child at 20 and my second at 22 and I found it quite easy I mean it had it's moments but now i am 27 they're both at school I'm able to focus and get my degree at 20 I found I wasn't ready to study but now I'm right into it. and by the time i'm 32 I'll have my degree. Also if you think of it when your kids are 20 you'll only be 40 and that's still young and you'll most probably beable to see great grand children also. I think what you need to look at is what you want out of like then look at pros and cons perhaps you falling pregnant was a way of telling you start you family now and study later. Other thinks that might help you decide is what you first baby is like easy or difficult my son was really easy baby so I planned the second one but I known friends that have had a hard time and said ones enough. Up to anyway. Take care and all the best for any decision you make.

Helen - posted on 05/11/2012

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I had my 1st child @ 15 by the time i was 21 had 5 i did it on my own with no help from
anyone you can handle this be strong there is soooooo much more help avaible for
you to be able to go to school. daycare vouchers through your local health department and or social services agency

Paulette - posted on 05/11/2012

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my Mum had her 1st two kids by 20 1/2 All her 4 kids by 25.There was no pill and she fell pregnant by each natural method eventually.Yes even once by the pillHowever she was is a terrific. mum amd would make our clothes.teach us to rummage at second hand stores.Freeze meals in containers then reheat if we had a busy day.Lots of stews and soups.These could also be frozen.us kids learn to make beds help shell peas help go to the markets learn to cook our own christmas cake-yum Make fancy dress outfits as well as makeover other garments given and sand and paint preloved furniture.We got good at council cleanups and learnt about sacrifice and paying bills first and living on fresh foods like fresh greens and meat or vegetarian foods rather than convenience as my brother was adhd and Mum did the first golden diet .I am the same as our child-son had the same problem.Mum would work around our schooling cleaning Mr whippy icecream vans sewing for people and cooking for others.as`well as working casually.I hope this can help.she didn't study as well so it's hard to advise.Mum doesn't cook much now No wonder in her 70s she deserves a break.Mum made life fun chasing us with tongs playing hide and seek.She's always been there to listen and advise she read to us and i still have her love of reading.She also loved our friends and so many call her mum and Aunty Marg.She didn't have alot but would stretch always.

Judith - posted on 05/11/2012

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I had my second daughter right after turning 21, and my third at 25. It wasn't easy, and didn't help that my husband is an overgrown 5 year old( still). I wouldn't trade any of my girls for all the riches and freedom in the world. the are now 20, 18 and 13. In September, the two older girls will both be in college, and my youngest will be starting high school. I, too, am still taking classes, you are never too old to learn. I see there being some great advantages to having children young, not that I advocate teen pregnancy at all, but I don't have the ENERGY it at 40 that I did back then. some of the parents of my children's friends are close to 70 years old, and are so disconnected from the world that their children live in. would I be better off financially if I had waited?? probably, but my heart is full of love for my girls, and that is so much more satisfying than any amount of money. I honestly believe that babies are never mistakes, just surprises. I wish you and your children well.

Madison - posted on 05/11/2012

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I had a 2 year old and new born twins 2 weeks before I turned 20. It's hard but you CAN do it. Best of luck to you. Sending good vibes your way.

Jan - posted on 05/11/2012

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If you have a lot of support from friends and family that will help you with the babies while you finish school you should be fine. If you don't it is going to take a lot of doing without on your part, but you can do it if you stick to it

DeeDee - posted on 05/11/2012

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You can do it! It is hard to get through school with kids but can be done for sure! I am glad that you feel you must go through with the pregnancy. That shows how strong you are already. I have a friend at gave her 2 nd baby up for adoption because it was a lot to handle, but she didn't have the same support system as you. I also don't know how she feels about it now. She has since married and had another baby though. And kept it.
If you believe in yourself then you can definitely take care of another little one. If you were on BC and God has blessed you with another child then He must have some faith in you. My 1st and 2nd are 21 months apart. It was hard to adjust to being a mom of 2 but definitely worth it. Now they are good friends, mostly.
I wish you the best of luck and pray that you can have the strength to be the mom you want to be. Be it a mother of one OR two.

Sharyta - posted on 05/11/2012

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I was recently in this same situation. I'm 22 and have a 3 year old and a 10 month old. When my youngest son was 7 months old I found out that I was pregnant agian. I had just started a new job and graduated school. I made the decision that was best for me and I ended the pregnancy. I knew that I just couldn't handle it and my body could not handle it either. I just depends on you and how you feel about the situation. I don't feel regret but I do feel sad that I had to make that decision.

Katherine - posted on 05/11/2012

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*********PLEASE STAY ON TOPIC!**********



Nowhere did the OP state she was going to abort or give the baby up for adoption. So please stay on topic.



Katherine WtCoM

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Michelle - posted on 05/11/2012

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I had a friend that was in a similar situation, she moved back in with her grandparents and had wonderful support from her family. You could look into daycare and ways to lessen the study load you are taking on, look into getting a room mate to help foot the bills maybe or move in with your parents or family members that are willing to help you out. Try to find a cheap babysitter that you trust so that way you can have some time to yourself while you study or maybe while you work if you cant afford daycare or what not. Or there is also the possibilities of adoption or abortion depending on how you feel about it. I considered abortion for my daughter but that was a 5 second thought, and I knew that if I opted for adoption there was a 99% chance that I would not give up the baby and would break the hearts of the adoptive parents. Just be sure to keep in mind that you can do it. It will be hard but it will be worth it whatever you choose, but you will have the strength to get through it.

Rebekah - posted on 05/11/2012

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I have! I was married at age 17 and had two children by age 19 (younger than you will be). By age 21, I had 3 children. Now I have 5 children. I am still married to my husband of almost 10 years; however, the first 7 years of our marriage was very difficult and strained. He was not very helpful with the children, but he did (and still does) love them. Now, I will tell you about the other half of my life.

I graduated from high school 5 months after my first child was born. I took one semester off of school before starting college. I had my second child the summer after starting college. I graduated from nursing school with an associate's degree 4 years after graduating from high school (even though I took six months off school). My third child was born in the middle of my last semester of nursing school. I started working after graduating from college. Two years later, I started going to school online. By this time, I had 4 children. One year after that, I graduated with my Bachelor's in Nursing. I have since had my fifth child (who turned 1 today!), and I teach at the local community college two nights a week for 4 and a half hours per night. And I make REALLY good money doing this and also get to stay home a lot with my kids.

My point is, although my life was not easy, I have enjoyed it. And it is definitely possible if you are motivated! :.) That being said, if it is not the right life for you and/or if you do not have the support, I suggest finding a stable, loving home for the baby you are carrying and give them to a good family.

But you can definitely do it. I would not try to schedule everything, though. I am big into scheduling, but it can also make your life more hectic. And I do not always use scheduling practices at home. Just live your life one day at a time. You will figure it out! God Bless! Rebekah

Linda - posted on 05/11/2012

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PLEASE do not end the baby's life by abortion. It is the cruelest thing you can do to another human being and you will regret it the rest of your life. If you choose to parent, get help. there are pregnancy centers that will help you find help and offer classes, clothes and baby supplies. If you don't want to keep the baby, place it for adoption. There are SO many people who want a child and can't have one. They have open adoption where you can keep in touch with your child their whole life. It's SO worth it.
And please abstain from having sex - it's the ONLY way to not get pregnant again. There is no such thing as safe sex - as you have already found out - twice over.

Rebeca - posted on 05/11/2012

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I had 3 kids by the age of 21 Thank God my Husband was with me and has been a great father. Even tough sometimes life gets hectic they are my world and I wouldn't trade them God is Good trust him and he will provide let your baby live choose life! :)

Rebecca - posted on 05/11/2012

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First, don't give up. God never gives us more than we can handle, not to say it is not going to be really hard. There are programs out there to help with daycare and school loans, so don't stop reaching for your dreams you will make it. Ask for help from everyone you trust, asking never hurts. What is the worst they can say , no, right. I know quite a few people that were in situations like your and the out come all depended on how determined they were to do what they felt was right.

Suzanne - posted on 05/11/2012

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I know it is hard now, however I am in the reverse situation. I got pregnant at 35 and had the girls at 36. Now if we want to have any more it might be a bit hard as I will soon be 39 and you know how the older you get might cause issue. Oh well. I do think that if you have a nice partner who supports you and wants to be with you it will make all the difference.

I agree with the others and keep up the study and your plans. I am studying online for my second degree and it is hard. I have to do it at night time and even then don't get a lot done as I am so tired.

If you get the kid thing done now, by the time they are 20 you will still be young enough to enjoy it. You will have the ability to plan for retirement and by that stage have no kids to look after, well that is the ideal. With us, by the time the girls are 20 I will be 55 and the husband will be 60. We are planning on being young 55 and 60 year olds, but it would have been nice to have done it younger.

It just happened later for us, and some people it happens earlier. What ever situation you are in it is difficult so I fully understand what you are going through and I think that family, friends and partner are the best thing for you to ensure finishing your study and plans.

Do you have access to reasonably priced childcare? Or family day care? This would give you some time out to study and have some time alone with one child if you wanted. Or just for you.

Good luck and I hope all goes well.
Suzanne

Tricia - posted on 05/11/2012

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I feel very sad for you. Is the/are the father's involved? This would be a VERY emotional decision, but did you ever consider adoption? There are so many couples that I'm sure are having trouble or can't conceive on their own. #1 Your new baby would go to a family that may be better able to financially support him/her, #2 You may be able to get funds to support your existing child, and get yourself on some sold birth control. I know it would be a difficult situation to face, but it might be practical.

Best of luck.

Sue - posted on 05/11/2012

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Have you heard of birth control??? Are you married??? If you answered "yes" to either of these, obviously you are acting in a very irresponsible manner ~ and your children will, no doubt, have to pay for it in some way.

I got married the first time at 16 (almost 17) to a jerk that I walked out on at 20 (almost 21) with a 3 mo.-old baby, that I was willing to raise alone rather than for her to suffer from my stupidity. I married again at 22 to a nice guy, but found out quickly that I didn't want to live his lifestyle. So, I became a single mother once again. In the meanwhile I'd met a nice, responsible gentlemen 8 1/2 yrs. older than I. We dated five years and knew each other really well when we got married when I was 27 (almost 28 & he was 36) ~ still young enough to have a family! We have now been married going on 38 yrs. and have two wonderful, responsible sons ages 36 & 34, both married and we have four blood grandchildren & three step-grandchildren.

This might not have worked for everyone, but it certainly worked for me!!!

Suziann

Sandy - posted on 05/11/2012

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That is the same thing that I dealt with. My son was born when I was 18 years, 7 mos. My first daughter was born 2 months after I turned 20. I hope you have family or good friends that would be willing to help you. I went back to school after my 5th baby, and got an associates degree. I was still 27 when she was born. You can do it, it will take some dedication and lots of patience, but you will get through it. :) Just remember they don't stay little very long, and try to enjoy every aspect of their daily lives. and don't sweat the small stuff... If the laundry isn't done every day, or the dishes sit in the sink overnight, no big deal, just love them and do your best! God Bless!

Angie - posted on 05/11/2012

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Im 43 and pregnant with my 2nd, due in 6 weeks, after 5 years of trying and 4 losses includung a little girl born at just over 19 weeks. I probably would have felt the same as you at your age but just a little perspective with the benefit of hindsight, having your babies young, having that energy and support from your partner - you will be fine, the fact that you are questioning shows maturity, you just need to be the best parents you can be and give them love and that will be returned to you, probably from your children and their children and maybe even their children. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but if I knew 20 years ago what we have had to go through to get our children I would have had them (at least tried to have them) ear lier
I have a beautiful almost 7 year old, who is thrilled to be an older brother, I can't wait to complete our family, but I would prefer not to be an older parent, but that's the way it happened and I'll take that knowing i'm actually one of the lucky ones - you will be just fine, exhausted but fine good luck and enjoy!

Micki - posted on 05/11/2012

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I had 2 at 21 and 4 at 24. (I'm currently 25 and my children are 5, 4, 2, and 12 mo. I've been married 7 yrs)). Idk what your relationship status is. If he father is in the picture and will help you it will make it much easier. I'm lucky and get to stay home with my kids, but a friend of mine had 2 kids very young and was a single mo and worked and went to school. It's doable. Hang in there!

Julie - posted on 05/11/2012

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What does your husband think...?

Recruit Dad to help out - being a mother of ONE is a full-time job, let alone two...

IF you are a single mom have you ever considered adopting the newest one ... SO many couples are not able to conceive an would be thrilled to give your precious one a complete Home ♥

Leonie - posted on 05/11/2012

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It has warmed my heart to read the many amazing posts of
Support to this young mum. So many times mums sacrifice their own dreams for a short time to nurture and support their families. Tomorrow is Mothers Day and I would like to take the opportunity to wish all the mums on here a wonderful day. You all truly deserve the recognition for the irreplaceable role that you fulfill. Cheers Leonie ;) x

Khristine - posted on 05/11/2012

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Don't worry, i had my first child 2 months before I turned 19 and almost 2 yrs later had my second. I'm 33 and have 4 kids ranging from 14, 12, 6 and a 10 1/2 month old. You'd be surprised on what you can achieve! All that matters is that you are doing it for your kids. Think positive, it will be hard but you'll get thru it! :)

Brande - posted on 05/11/2012

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It will defiantly be hard and take longer to accomplish your goal but in the end I think it is worth it. I myself had 2 babies at the ripe old age of 17 and still graduated High School and went to college to become a RN. yes I had my parents support and it did take a little longer. Where there is a will there is a way. I wish you the best of luck with whatever your decision may be.

Pati - posted on 05/11/2012

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Hello Leni...
I'm sorry for my english, I usually read and write french or lebanese

Well I thing that you're a very strong woman, your husband is certainelly proud of you :)

I beleive that you can have more than one or two babies at your age with a lovely, understanding and helpfull husband.

My husband and I have 5 and i continued and finisched my studying when the 3rd one turned on 3
I am a school teacher, i organised my time for my children, my husband, my preparation and for myself... it's a question of knowing what we want... and organisation.
If you need to speak you can send me a message

You are both having the fruit of your love don't loose it..
What a lovely things to have ...., when many woman and man are dreaming about it...???

Christina - posted on 05/11/2012

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Leni, first let me aplaud you for even being concerned about you choices and your family's future, so many young kids nowdays don't . Igot married at 18 and purposely had both my kids by age 22. I got through school and am now a nurse... My sister is in almost your exact situation as you, she had to take a break for two quarters but is back now and almost done. just remember take it one day at.a time, do whatever you need to to make it work for, don't be afraid to ask for help or say I need a minute. You can do it, good luck

Michelle - posted on 05/11/2012

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Hi Leni,

I had my first child at 19 and 2nd one at 22. It was difficult... I was in 2nd year in college when I got pregnant with my first child. Then I realized that I needed to graduate college so that I can get a good job to raise my child. and yes I did. I found a day care, I dropped her off in the morning, then went to school, after school I went to work and I came back to pick her up in the evening. It was like this for another year and a half until I graduated, then things got brighter. I was so blessed to find a good job with my degree. My daughter started early-school at 2 1/2 years old and when I had my 2nd daughter it was fine.

I think the key was that I realized what I did wasn't right, but in order to make the situation better, I needed to graduate. I held it together for a little longer and things came together. And just to mention I did this as a single mom. Mistakes happen you just need to turn it around for better and don't fall into a funk. It's not just only you now. Be strong. I'll be praying for you and your little ones for strength.

Shelli - posted on 05/11/2012

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I just want to say that having two kids this close together is not actually twice as much work, it's more like 10x. I have been in your situation. I was 21 and had an 8 month old son when I found out I was pregnant again. I was a month away from finishing a bachelor's degree and working at a restaurant part time so I thought "I can probably handle another. I am working and will get a better job when I graduate." Well, I graduated and couldn't find a job. I have no support from my children's father or either of our families. Sometimes I could get someone from our families to watch my son while I went to school or work. But once I had my daughter, no one could handle the two of them. I now have 4 degrees and am looking for work... still. Please do not feel bad for me, I'm just explaining my situation.

My point is, it's a ton of work. If you have support, whether that be from the baby's father, your family, his family, your church, your friends, it's probably doable. Life throws us curveballs all the time. If I can do it, I'm sure anyone can but it is truly challenging. Good luck with all of your decisions. I cannot tell you what to do but only share what may come because no one told me.

Christine - posted on 05/11/2012

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It will be hard at the beginning but u can do it, I have faith in you. About 6 months after I graduated high school I got pregnant with my 1st child, and I worked on up until the night b4 I had her. Which I made plans to wait a year after high school then go to college but I had to postpone it 4 a while. I was only 18 when I got pregnant, and I had her when I was 19. I married the man of my life when I was 6 months pregant cuz I wanted to make sure we was married b4 she was born. She was born in August, and when she was 4 months old, I found out I was pregnant again. I was terrified at 1st but I had friends and family and my husband to support me. I was 19 when I got pregnant with her and had her when I was 20. She was born in September which means my 2 lil girls was 13 months apart. It was really hard at 1st tryin to take care of a baby and a 1 yr old but I managed with some help and they r my life now. I woouldnt take any other it back, I mean I postponed college and stuff but it was all worth it. they r now 4 and 3, so I decided to start going to college online. If I can do it then Im sure you can get through it, I know u can, it may be hard at times but once u look at their smiling faces u will know it all was worth giving up stuff that u liked to do. You can still go to college and stuff just get a someone that u can trust to babysit and its good to that u want to go cuz u'll be their inspiration to go after their dreams when they get older.

Jeane - posted on 05/11/2012

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Do you have a support system (family of origin, friends, colleagues)? I do hope so, this can be so important. Is your job full time? Job-sharing can be a tremendous help, especially if you can share with another young mother and also coordinate child care. How are you "trying to go to school?" If you haven't checked into online education, this might be a good choice. There are schools that provide laptops and help with the internet connection and also have counselors to help you design your coursework. I had both of my children before I turned 21 and have never regretting having them young. Although I had finished high school, they were adults and had their own children before I returned to school for my BA, MA, and PhD. It is a life-path that can be very rewarding. I wish you all the best and applaud your courage in reaching out for support.

Pam - posted on 05/11/2012

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You CAN do this! It will be hard, but it's not impossible. I was pregnant with my first child my first year in college, then my husband deployed the following year and I stayed in school, worked, drove 60miles one way to school, and studied each day. The third year I was pregnant with my second child and the fourth year my husband was again deployed. It was hard but so worth it I now have my Master's degree and I wouldn't change anything about my family or how hard I had to work to get my education. It made me a better mom, wife, student, and person. I learned that I can do what I put my mind to and that all things are possible if you believe in yourself. Yes you are young but that doesn't mean that you can't achieve great things even though you have a harder road ahead of you than many of your peers. Trust in yourself and (if you believe) in God and know that you will be able to do this! GOOD LUCK!!!

Ashley - posted on 05/11/2012

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I had my first baby at 19 and second at 21. It was the summer before my second year of college when I found out I was pregnant with my first. It was to my high school sweetie and we decided to get married and move in together. We didn't have anything but a mattress on the floor, a TV (no cable) our clothes and a struggle buggie! We were young and lost a lot of friends, but had each other and our family and that was all that mattered. It made us both a lot more responsible than the average young 20 year olds we knew,,,,but there is nothing wrong with that! My babies are 10 and 12 now and I look back at those "rough" times when we were a young family trying to make it and they are some of the happiest days of my life :) I wouldn't trade any of it for that college degree I didn't get with the rest of my friends,,, Every situation is different, and I am sure you will do what is best for you and your family. I hope you look back in 10 years from now and feel the same as I do today! Hang in there and God bless!

Deb - posted on 05/11/2012

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You can do it if your really determined to do it. So many colleges offer on- line classes now and that is something you should look into. My 2nd husband has gotten his last two degrees in business that way, through the college close to us. Like some others said, you need to build a support system with family members, friends and the childrens father definitely needs to be helping out. I was older than you when I was left with 3 small children and a baby to raise at age 28 y.o. in 1985, I had not finish high school because back when I got pregnant ( in the early 70's) with my first one you didn't go to high school pregnant. I didn't have a drivers license and never worked except to babysit in my life. My husband didn't see a need for it, he said he would always be there. Through the help of my former in laws and friends I got my GED, got my license and moved closer to my parents, started working and about five years later I went to college to earn my nursing degree. They didn't have on-line classes yet back then.
The kids school had the latch key program and I took advantage of that.
You have a lot more advantages to choose from today than I did. There are support groups in your community who can help as well. Sometimes it takes a little longer than we had planned but it can be done. Sit down and write down what you want to do and how you may accomplish it. Write long term goals and then write short term ones on how to make it to the long term ones. Take it step by step. Not only will you benefit but your whole family will.

Samantha - posted on 05/11/2012

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Wow you are an inspiration and I couldn't agree with you more. Congratulations Leni. Be strong. Be calm and be patient.

Margaret - posted on 05/11/2012

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Sweetheart, just remember these words: You Can Do It!

I was 20 when I had my oldest and it went from there: 4/78, 8/79, 2/81, 8/82 and 3/87 (months and years they were born). It was hard when they were all little (managing that many demands is a challenge!), but they have all grown up to be good people and now they all have families of their own (we have 11 grandchildren now with a 12th on the way). I went back to school when my youngest was in kindergarten and got an associate degree while working and taking care of my children and one of my three stepchildren.

It is worth pursuing your education (I just got my bachelor degree in 2009) because that's the only way you will be able to get a truly good job--just a high school diploma doesn't cut it anymore. The global economy has made that a large reality..........and listen to Elizabeth Castillo's advice. Also, tie into a good advisor and work with things as they come. Find something that you enjoy doing, too.

You can handle it by prioritizing--your kids come first, and you will learn to balance the demands of two. Just remember to reassure your oldest that he or she is still very important to you and has a big job--being big brother or sister. They can be an enormous source of help in keeping the baby occupied. The rest can be worked in as you go--there is no single formula that can be used because everyone's circumstances are different. You are probably already something of an expert at multitasking--isn't every mom?????--so use that to expand the tasks as you go. It's quite possible to do several things at once as long as you pace yourself.

Most importantly--love them, enjoy them and keep a positive attitude. You will rise to whatever comes, just like you have with your first one. You can do it! (and we'll all be pulling for you!)

Esther - posted on 05/11/2012

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Leni, thanks for being honest. I know of another young lady who has one and is pregnant with her second. she will have the little one by the time she is 20. SHE WANTED to get pregnant because she wanted her little ones close together. There is a benefit to that; car seats are not expired, cribs are still assembled, you know what works and what doesn't for your schedules...etc. If there is a big gap between kids, the down side is you do forget a lot and you have to repurchase items. Just something to think about! Praise God for a new little life!!

Anne-marie - posted on 05/11/2012

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I had my daugher at 19 and 11 months later I had my second daughter,my first had heart surgery at 12months old,it was all hard work but I really enjoyed it,my girls are now 26 and 25 (I also had 3 sons after)and I'm is proud. Of them all and was worth all the work.good. Luck

Elizabeth - posted on 05/11/2012

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Hmm- No I have not been in that position- But here is some practical advice.
1)In terms of College. Take as many CLEP Exams and you can- Call you school and find out about them. There are test you can take in any subject that can earn you credit- They are not too hard and its and easy way to get credits fast. That way you can shorten the amount of time you attend school. Not hard and it does matter if you pass or fail- not held against you. Find out it's easy.
2) Interms of carrier- choose some thing you like but also be practical- take all state test- court test- look into court reporter- anything that gives you a pension and security or any job choice that there is a demand anywhere you go- nurse ect.
3) Get your kids use being active- do your workout outside with them- that way you all get moving, and your not stuck in th house.
4)
Consignment stores- they are grerat for toys, clothes- ect

There are so many ways to help yourself and move forward.
Good Luck
Liz

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