Problems with 6 year old son in kindergarten...please help!!!

Tanya - posted on 09/04/2009

Bears!! who came up with this one!!!! I work in class with kids and believe that an issue needs to addressed right away, this 'saving' bears till the end of a week means nothing to a child especially one so young, then to be sent to the principle!! If he has detention for the very next recess/lunch ok but to punish him for something past I do not agree with, he also needs to understand at that time why he is being punished or has lost a priviledge. I find it disturbing that these children must constantly be reminded that they 'screwed up' on a certain day, thus reminding them that they are 'less than perfect' I am surprised you have not seen more behaviour problems and acting out as your son most likely feels he is failing everyone, a child needs to know he/she is doing a good job and trying their best. I have a 6 year old myself one who is very bright and testing boundries all the time. I must admit I have to constantly remind myself she is ONLY 6 it is my job to help her make the right choices and when she does not to be consistant in the way her priviledges are removed. I always ask her why is she on a time out or why has she lost her playdate that day etc, and I ensure she understands why. I worry that if you take away all his favorite things at home that he will just rebell. We use a daily charts in class, we use stamps at each section of the day and if a child gets off track we address it then and there be it missed recess or not having lunch with friends. not being able to help that day in class etc. at the end of the day the sheet goes home for parents to see and has the reason for the missed recess or punishment. I know from experience that once you have the 'how did that make you feel' conversation it usually helps. I try not to 'corner' our daughter either we sit on the floor after school, puzzle building or something then I bring it up, she feels 'safe' talking about her day and shares her thoughts I find it easier to ensure she understands the rules and boundries set for her. Rewards should be just as simple, immediate, a happy stamp at school or the you've been such a good boy can you help me hand out the books or at home can you help mommy set the table etc. kids feel important and part of the 'big picture' this encourages them to strive higher. I know it sounds impossible and time consuming..it is.... Children are, but the rewards are well worth it. Maybe try to volunteer in your childs class for a few hours here and there and ensure that he is just not singled out or a change of school may be better. Remember he is only 6, you will have tough days. It still amazes me that children can take you from one emotion to the next in an instant. Peek in on him tonight as he sleeps your angel is still there. Slow down a little, the rest of the world will still be there, but the fingerprints on the wall will soon be gone. Good luck, and remember you now have M.O.M after your name that makes your the expert at least when it comes to him. :) :)

Kristen - posted on 09/04/2009

I went through the exact same thing with my daughter. I was a complete mess from it. Her school does happy faces and sad faces. She always came home with the sad ones. I think she was bored with her class. As an only child she had all my attention and was free to ask any questions she wanted. She was very intelligent, but lacked the skills to behave in a group setting. We worked with her and now she's in 4th grade a doing well socially. Looking back on that time I remember how upset it made me and how mad I was with her. I felt like such a failure. I'm glad I learned to look at the big picture. Life's a journey. Enjoy!

An example of a typical day for her:

Boy: "I'm going to hit your friend" ( another boy)
Eva: "If you do, I will hit you! I've already lost my happy face for the day!"

Jennifer - posted on 09/04/2009

Thank you very much for all your answers!! His main problem was trying to make the other children laugh...for example he threw some of his grapes on the ground at lunchtime and then stomped on them....another time he pulled the plug on earphones at their listening station b/c it made the children around him laugh. I picked him up from school and we talked about it and he repeated everything he did wrong and what was wrong about it. I explained to him what got taken away and I asked him if he understood and he said yes and that he was not going to act this way anymore. He fell asleep on the couch right now, but when he wakes up he will be doing his homework and last week when he got the paper sent home, we used a piece of lined paper and I went through with him and he wrote sentences to his teacher saying he was sorry and he would listen to her. I thought it would be a good way to practice letters and sentence use and spelling. I am planning on having him write a small letter this time to his teacher and we will write about things he won't be doing anymore and how he is going to do better. Thank you everyone for your help....if you have anymore advice please let me know!!

Sharon - posted on 09/04/2009

I have no helpful remarks except to be consistent with discipline. My oldest was the same and at age 14 he finally outgrew his need to be noticed. We worked with the school, every teacher and a therapist over the years.



I see another child in my daughters' class doing the same thing. His mother is a teacher. She can be reached INSTANTLY when he misbehaves. Its not that his behaviour is outrageous or unusual, its his persistence. He is the youngest and gets plenty of attention so no one knows why he is this way. His mother is sweet, his older sister never had an issue, and yet he is the problem child.



Hang in there. Keep the discipline consistent and love him.

Annie - posted on 09/04/2009

I don't know your child but I know what you are going through, My Emily has adhd and was on detention every week, it was embaressing to sign the forms every day, then she was diagnoised with Aspergers. The teachers have a different outlook. Taking away things help a bit but can be hard on you on keeping him busy at home and not saying I'm bored. Try setting him up with a reward chart on his table at school. Laminated . for three times a day ( or more is your teacher is willing). A tick or cross. He gets to look at it all day. A reward say at the canteen 20c if he has ticks all day. They do say if kids try sooo hard to be good at school they may muck up at home. if they are good at home the try it on the teacher during the day. consistency!. what works for you may work for the teacher but you may not have told them. Sending him on jobs to the office etc can get attention back when he comes back in,and rewarding the 5 mins he is good by handing out the next worksheets. My girl is very smart too, she gets bored, she is in year 2 but they put her in a year 3 class this year and called it 2/3. even though shes the only one. in kindy she was the only one who could read everybodys name so she got the job of handing out the books that were labelled. this is a reward to them. I know taking away toys maybe good but try and separate school from home, they need to know they love you. We had a time where together we came up with. no play at lunch,recess. she had to be 3 feet away from the teacher and had to follow her around the playground. this went on every day she misbahaved. she got alot better after that. as she could see she was missing out and the wrong things the other kids were doing... anyway goodluck and hope I was a little helpfull.

Shireen - posted on 09/04/2009

What is he actually doing to cause the bears? I have an only child (well, she is a wonderful adult now), and from grade 1 (first year at school - age 6) I was being called to the school. She was a sweet little girl and not naughty - just restless. If getting bears doesn't deter him - you need to find something which presses his buttons - so my first question is - what is he actually doing to get these bears? Then work from that - it must be sorted out NOW - before it becomes an issue.