Punishments that work with ADHD children

Amanda - posted on 11/06/2009 ( 19 moms have responded )

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Hi Im a 28 yr old mom of 2 boys with ADHD, can u please give me some advice on what works with punishments rather than sitting(which they can not do) and i will NOT hit my children so thats out, please help thanks

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Judi - posted on 11/10/2009

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A trampoline helps with the extra energy level, bike riding. Finding the right meds is important. I read an article form a teacher who is ADHD and he says that meds gave him the opportunity to learn and to learn new behaviours as well as school learning. He now works with a whole class of kids with ADHD at a school for troubled kids. Prasie whatever they do right, give them heaps of encouragement for the tiniest of accomplihment, like putting their toys away, watching TV quietly, eating dinner, making a decison. Time out worked for me. Taking away privelidges also. Make sure you only give one instruction at a time, they can't take multiple tasking. Make him look you in the face when you give him an instruction. Get him to repeat it back to you. If he gets the instruction wrong, do'nt say no......say , good effort but listen again and get him to repeat again until he gets it. one instruction at a time. so important and will save enormous frustration for both of you. Develop hand signals that you can give in particular situations, especially in public. I used to hassled becasue I would give the stop hand signal to my son becasue he always interrupted or was impatinet to the extreme. Eventually he got it. He is 20 now and I only have to look at him now and he knows to shut up and stop talking at me. Read all you can. Repitition of tasking is good. Music, especially calming at bedtime. Classical calms and also increases their brain power. Classical instrumental is best,; quiet stuff. My son is now a singer, opera, classical, theatre and doing well. Lotsa work but well worth it. He is an absolute treasure and extremely popular with a fabulous work ethic; gentle and respectful towards women. McDonalds was the best job for him because it is repetitive and area focused and that works well with these kids. Read, read, do repetition games with him every day. keep all the articles you find in mags and re-read them evry 6 months or so, something new will be gained depending on what stage you are at. Don't let school hang a guilt trip on you. Fight for you child, get in their face becasue schools will not help unless pushed to the max. Hope this has helped.

Kayla - posted on 11/17/2009

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punish them by giving them something 2 do... like puzzles in a quiet room by themselves, chores, and also something that helps me counting to 3... black coffee with nothing in it has the opposite effect on an ADHD child.. it works for my 4yr old ADHD child

Ame - posted on 07/25/2012

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Hi all....

I have a nine year old stepson, I'm very sure he has ADHD and its a constant struggle.. and my patience is running on low. I have tried everything from the above mother's replies and still nothing works. I have a 9 year old daughter and a 1 year old baby boy too and she feels its unfear that he gets away with murder but she must get punished. He is contstantly teasing and pestering her, then she gets shouted at from the stepfather. I have tried explaining to her the situation, but she is 9, she cant understand the detail yet.. My problem is I have to fight this battle alone, because the mother of this step child is doing absolutely nothing, we pay for everything, dissipline is non existant and she just poms him off to us when she is not in the mood for her son. She is believes he has concentration issues and thats that. He failed grade 1 and was put through to grade 2. He still doesnt know the alphabet or from 1-100. He is going for extra classes which is not working. He's on meds which is also not working... I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I cant leave this stepchild in his room the whole day.... he is not fased with TV, Playstation, Bike riding or playing... ........PLEASE HELP

[deleted account]

Hi
My son never responded to sticker charts, taking things away etc. He has ADHD also. What worked for us was 1,2,3...magic! (Our peadiatrician recommended it)
There is a book you can buy (have a look on amazon) that will walk you through the process, but it really is simple!! Basically, anything you find obnoxious (badgering you, arguing, whining etc)....you count. So, they are badgering you for ice cream before dinner for example. You say "that's one, you will go to your room. leave it five seconds..if they are still doing it you say "that's 2, you'll go to your room" leave it five seconds again. If they are still badgering you, you say "that's 3, go to your room."
You don't take anything away, but they aren't allowed anything electrical in their roooms (playstation, tv etc). I don't stop them playing with their toys, the whole point is that they are calming down, learning that the behaviour is inappropriate and giving you the chance to have a small break.
I found it kept me calmer and the behaviour was very quickly turned around!
My daughter pushed the boundaries more than my son, but that was due to her age and her personality. (she was two and a half when i started it with her)
It does work though!
Persevere and be consistent...that's the main thing!!
If they are at school and the teachers are any good, they will also adopt this strategy with them!! Then it is consistent throughout their lives. Try it...My son's first grade teacher wasn't interested, but his second grade teacher did and it has worked wonders with him.
I hope that helps!!
Kama

Asmahan - posted on 11/17/2009

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Hi im a 42yr old mom of 2 boys one with developmental delay which affects his behavior specially at home at school he is fine follows directions ,although he is slow learner and at special need class he respect his teacher and really adifferent person at school , my major problem is at home ,being agressive, hyper active not listening even taking all he likes nothing worked ,i started to believe that he wants me to get upset and angry .please any advice

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19 Comments

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J - posted on 11/17/2009

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Read 1-2-3 Magic - it is a marvelous resource for child management. It includes a simple consequence/reward system... very often teachers will use this in the classroom also... good luck!!!

Amanda - posted on 11/17/2009

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My stepson is almost 12, and we believe he may have ADHD. He has chores every day that he has to do, the same chores every week, cleaning his room on Mondays, Bathrooms on Tuesdays, and so on, but it's always the same thing every week. I still am having trouble finding something that will motivate him enough to get his homework done or act correctly in school. It use to be taking away his PlayStation, but now that doesn't seem to make a dent anymore. All I can say is be patient and consistent, but I know that is tough! (especially the patient part) I do agree that praising them when something is done well definitely helps though! Best of luck to you. Just try to keep your cool, having someone outside of the situation (family member) to vent to definitely helps when you feel the need to 'explode.'

Deborah - posted on 11/17/2009

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My daughter has ADHD, and I find that my punishments have to be swift! I can't say "You can't go to your friends house this weekend", since she'll forget all about that. I have taken away i-pod, make her read and extra page from her book (hey, why not learn something!), tv, computer - but whatever it is I make the punishment immediate.

[deleted account]

You need to figure out which privilege is valuable to them, and then warn them that they will lose that privilege. Computer time, tv time, video game time. The flip side is that they can earn privilege time by doing the desired action. We have it all mapped out on an allowance plan with plus and minus columns. If you use chores as punishment, they won't want to clean when they're adults!

Atalanta - posted on 11/10/2009

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my 2 "nephews" are adhd and their sister is add and nothing seems to help them we've tried everything from chores (makes them throw tantrums) to taking things away (they whine and throw tantrums) and we're at a loss they're both on meds but the younger one finds was not to take it and the older one still acts out (we've tried changin meds). My "sister" (best girlfriend) is going nuts. We've been told to try therapy and classes like karate and sports but they don't seem to help. Any ideas?

Roxane - posted on 11/09/2009

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hi my son is adhd also , cleaning the bathroom , cleaning his bedroom, or a run around house or write sentences, is some of the usual punishments or no electronic devices . of course his room is not "perfect" or the bathroom but it is the intent behind it. taking away electric devices is hard but in the end you spend time talking instead of fighting. good luck mine is now almost 11 and i ask him what do you think the punishment should be he usually judges pretty good . we just found out he is adhd so i have been working without a net for many years and many crying fits form me . good luck dont let them see you angry it feeds the fire to see where the line is . i count to five and for each number i have to count to is a punishment, 1 no bike 2 clean room 3 bathroom 4 clean livingroom 5 no electronic for two days . works pretty good .

Jessica - posted on 11/09/2009

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In an effort to reduce the times I need to punish my daughter (7 w/ ADHD) she is constantly earning something. I have packed up all the toys and when she has a good day at school and brings her homework home she draws a # ticket 1-4 and then gets to pick a toy out of the corresponding box. This encourages her much more than the threat of a punishment. She can also earn new toys or activities. She can also be punished to stay in her room, the only thing to do at that time is read books and she can move around the room.
Best of luck to you
Jessica

Leonora - posted on 11/08/2009

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I always say pray first!! But with the two have with ADHD& the two without it, I give chores as punsihment. I always find what they don't like I make them do. I also try the rewards thing so when they do something good they get an reward, it is a fair trade!!

Deena - posted on 11/08/2009

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Hi I have two kids that are ADHD also.. I have found that the best way for punishments is choirs. Sweepin Vacuming washing windows, Keeps them movin and things get done too..

Laura - posted on 11/07/2009

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How old are the boys? You have to change your methods as they age (ie - what works for a 2 year old probably won't when he's 6). My son is now 13 but was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD when he was 2. Staying ahead of his ever-changing phases has been extremely challenging. Patience and consistency are key to your (and their) success!

Athena - posted on 11/07/2009

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Find something that would motivate them. Computer time, TV time, having a friend over, playing with a certain game/toy, special time with you....etc. Then make a behavior chart to earn 'stars' or 'pennies'. When they earn a certain amount of stars/pennies, they earn the reward! You can also take away pennies/stars when the behavior is not met. You must first set the rules of what the behavior is that you are trying to change. One behavior at a time. You cannot fix them all the same week/month. Is it brushing teeth? Getting dressed in the morning? making their beds? Cleaning room? You have to choose one at a time, otherwise it will be too broad and the chart will not work. Hope this helps. First....Then....also works, as the previous post suggested. But you must be deligent and follow through with any method you chose. Good luck!

[deleted account]

Hi Amanda!
I know what a challenge it is to come up with discipline (Note I didn't say punishment) for kids with ADHD and other challenges. It takes some creativity.
My youngest son has ASD, with ADHD, and I've seen some extreme behavior when he was younger. They do get better, but it takes a lot of patience b/c it takes them longer to respond to something new.
My solution was a spin on what is known as "Grandma's Rule" If you eat your dinner, then you can watch TV, play video games, etc. Just fill in the blanks. The difference in what we used with my son was instead of "If", we substituted "First," eat dinner, "Then" you can watch TV, etc.
His teacher used it in the classroom, then taught me and it worked great! It was like saying the "magic words!"
Good luck-I hope it works for your son!

Caroline - posted on 11/07/2009

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Take away something they like. TV time or computer time. Or no friends this weekend because you didn't listen to me, etc...Hitting never works. Also, I find with ADHD children that trying to focus on the positive works well. If they do something right, make a big deal out of it. If the do something wrong, give them a punishment but if you can (and that's hard) without anger. Good luck

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