Puppy love text messages with 10-year-old daughter, what to do?

Ivette - posted on 10/07/2011 ( 113 moms have responded )

8

1

0

This morning I found text messages in my 10-year-old daughter's phone involving her and a male classmate in her class, it said things like I love you soo much, hottie, babe, sweet cheeks, and kissing. I confronted her about it and all she can say was "sorry." I didn't have time to discuss the issues at hand because I had to get her to school but I confiscated her phone and told her I wasn't done with her. I'm a single mom and don't want to involve her father in this. I'm very disappointed because we have touched on this topic and she should know better. I don't know what to do. How should go about this?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Stifler's - posted on 10/07/2011

15,141

154

597

This isn't about the phone. If it wasn't texts it'd be notes in class or love letters. please. Kids got up to mischief long before phones and the internet.

[deleted account]

I've been thinking about this and the cell phone is not the issue and shouldn't be the main focus here. The cell phone was only the 'messenger' so to speak and w/out it....Ivette wouldn't even know about this issue.

I think we need to take the focus off the cell phone (though confiscating it is a good idea) and put the focus on how to handle a 10 year old girl beginning to involve herself in an age inappropriate relationship.

Tinker1987 - posted on 10/07/2011

1,144

5

6

im sorry to say but i think 10 years old is to young for cellphones period.Its texting and computers that make the youth age so fast.but since thats our day and age i guess the best you can do is talk talk talk to her tell her its not appropriate. kids are in such a hurry to grow up now.... id continue monitoring her phone. and dont let her have it unless she is somewhere where you need too get a hold of her.

Janna - posted on 10/08/2011

6

142

1

I think you need to involve her father and a lot. That is what she's missing and seeking in a boy. She needs her dad to tell her she's beautiful, spend time with her, and give her what she needs. She needs to know her wealth. If her father is not able or willing, you need to get her into some extracurricular activities. Keep her busy and her mind occupied. Good luck!

Ashley - posted on 10/07/2011

35

0

0

I think it is true that the phone is only the messenger. I would think that talking to her about her boundaries and what is appropriate without making her feel shamed or embarrassed should be your number one priority. What about some sort of big brother/big sister program? Maybe if she could talk to another girl who isn't "old" like her mom it would give her some perspective and appreciation for enjoying her age.??

This conversation has been closed to further comments

113 Comments

View replies by

Kimberlee - posted on 04/09/2012

11

1

0

Hi there,



Your daughter probably loves the attention she´s getting from another male classmate, but a 10 year old can´t handle that kind of attention, since they´re simply not mature enough at that age.



She may have too much time on her hands as well, so maybe some one-on-one attention with mom might help and it would certainly help in making your bond stronger, so she´ll confide it you more. The fact that she says she´s sorry is a big step and she probably is truly sorry. She probably doesn´t know how to go on with the relationship and may want to end it, but doesn´t know how and is confused due to her lack of experience.



Good luck with the situation!

Beth - posted on 01/05/2012

3

43

0

i check my kids' phones right in front of them randomly. it's just part of what we do. there's no question - yeah, it's their phone, but who's paying for it? they are responsible to me for it. i don't quibble over every little point, or i think they'll just get sneakier. i think they just try on hats any 'try' to be grown up. this is their training ground, after all ...

Chrystal - posted on 01/02/2012

431

2

74

Ivette- If the reason for poor grades is because she isn't doing the work then yes I think she should get a punishment. Personally I'd contact her teachers and ask what extra credit she could do to bring her grade up if any (great way to spend those few days of restriction at home for the poor grades), set up specific study hours, and check up on her school work every so often to make sure she's doing what she should be. While it's their education it's our job to do the long term thinking because they can't yet and we know that good grades help to give them a good future and to not make sure they do the work is a disservice to them. I don't have kids that age yet but I have been a kid that age and I'm thankful my mother made sure I did my school work now that I'm older and see how it benefited me

Jen - posted on 01/02/2012

79

17

0

I'm trying to remember what grade I was in at 10....grade 5 or 6? Heck, I had crushes on boys. We didn't have cell phones, or chatting on computers back then. Yet, I still had crushes on boys at that age. It happens.

I agree with another poster; the cell phone is not the issue. That's your choice as a parent, and no one else s business.

Relationships can happen between boys and girls at a young age. I don't think the relationship is the problem; I think the problem may be if the relationship involves things that are not age-appropriate.

I haven't gone too far into this thread yet, sorry. But if its only holding hands, being cute when talking; ie the cute chit chat on cell phones etc, and maybe kissing. That may be age-appropriate.

Heck, I know of some little boy who's a "playboy" and has had girlfriends since Kindergarten. He's been dating a few girls, who's mother's I know...plus a couple nieces. All the "date" involves is a play date that's age appropriate. There isn't even hand holding and kissing. Being a boyfriend/girlfriend with that kid, just means you play together at recess and lunch.

I don't think you can avoid kids picking up that language early. "Boyfriend" "Girlfriend" "date". Too many parents use that language on young kids. I worked with someone who had a 2 year old son with a girlfriend. My god she was freaky over it though. She'd get jealous if the "girlfriend" went and found another "boyfriend". What's dating like for 2 year olds? Sitting together and the lunch table, or fighting over dolls before nap time.
Most of the time, kids are ready for age-appropriate relationships sooner then most parents are ready for it. My almost-12 year old is asking me what age she can have a boyfriend. o.O

I know her, she'd only get cutesy over it; maybe hold hands etc....Not that serious. I'm not ready for it. ha. I know I'm not. She may be ready for that simple kind of cutesy relationship, but its hard on me that she's ready. lol. If she does get a boyfriend, you can bet, I'd talk to her about it a lot. Keep informed to make sure its age-appropriate.

Chrystal - posted on 12/31/2011

431

2

74

You should be worried the sad fact is some kids her age are having sex and they are doing it with such casualness that it's scary. If you haven't begun to already you need to start talking to her about relationships and sex. Honestly the thing that concerned me the most in your post was that she was texting "I love you so much" I would sit her down and explain to her what love really means. Explain that some boys use the word love to manipulate girls into doing things they really aren't ready for. Don't just talk sex talk about relationships because now a days many girls end up in abusive relationships let her know what is and isn't ok in a relationship. You may not be ready for her to start dating but it's clear she is dating so you can ban dating and punish her for the texts but please please also talk to her about the things she needs to know. It's probably just puppy love type thing but someday soon it will be more now is the time to start opening the lines of communication so hopefully they stay mostly open when she hits her teens.

Teresa - posted on 12/31/2011

709

37

56

It is so scary nowadays. At 10, I wasn't even thinking along those lines, I mean yeah i had kissed a boy, on the cheek, and had boys I thought were cute, but I never even got to the holding hands phase at that age. Ok back from 31 years ago. I would just talk to her. They are learning. Now IS probably a good time to introduce "the talk" at least to where you think she will understand. I don;t know anything about the relationship with dad, but my father was NEVER involved in my life that deeply and my parents divorced when I was 14 so I never really learned about relationships from them (not a normal loving marriage). SO maybe he would be agood influence, you know more about that situation though. I struggled in relationships not having my father's influence at such an important time pf learnign about relationships.

Roxanne - posted on 12/31/2011

13

18

0

You should have sex talk asap if you havent already. When my daughter was 10 I told her it was ok to have boyfriends, but when into extreme detail of why. Relationships are necessary to learn things about yourself and about others. To learn what you want from a relationship and what you dont. I also told her what it means to be in a relationship at her age, and how it would compare to an adult relationship. I explained consequences, and respect, for herself. And made it very clear I was always here to to talk and answer questions. She is 13 now, and tells me about all her crushes and all her friends crushes. I opened a door that you might close if you forbid dateing. Young girls have horomones and they arent going to change their feelings just cause you forbid it. They will only hide it, and without your guidance probably go down a wrong path.

Kristina - posted on 11/21/2011

10

0

0

Education is power! explain to her the possible consequences of what could happen as an outcome of such behavior...previous stories...other kids talking about texting gone wrong (youtube) or even news clips of the stories. You are doing the best you know how to do and keep it up. Just keep talking to her. I would be as open, blunt, and honest with her about your concerns and how they are justifyable. And about the dad...thats a tuff one...he should know, its reality but is there posibly a male counselor at school or trustworthy teacher that you both could sit down with? Those other mom's who pass judgement on you giving her a phone dont know any better. You might even be able to find a mentor through the school or local boys and girls club for her. good luck

Julie - posted on 11/20/2011

7

6

0

Why does your 10 yr old need a phone???? Get rid of it. No child under the age of 18 needs to have a cell phone. My 10 yr old keeps asking for one and we have told her that until she is 18 and has a job, she doesn't need to have one.

Angela - posted on 11/19/2011

17

0

0

Ok so aside from the cell phone (there may be reasons for a 10 year old to need one, no judgement there) I think this consitutes as your title states, Puppy Love, these words that they are texting back and forth to each other probaly do not hold the same type of meaning that we hold the words to. Saying I love you to a boy at that age is not the same as yours and Is idea of love. It's like at that age. As well as the other words, babe hottie sweet cheeks and things to that nature are words they probaly hear older siblings, cousins, neighbors, aquantances and of course it's force fed to them on TV, they do not hold the same meanings, they are words that are shown as signs of endearment on TV and the kids do not understand the signifigance of these words, talking is always the best bet, not being mad but asking what meaning these words have to your daughter (your probaly going to find out different from what you thought) and explaining that these are not bad words but can be taken badley at such a young age, I am all for talking out issues!

[deleted account]

What i would recommend, and although my personal opinion is kids that young shouldnt have phones to begin with. Is when i had a phone for my daughter which is not in use at all i only got it for her to talk to her father.

I know specific phone services have features. My phone had a family feature where icould control who gets to call her. I only let family call the phone number.

School counselors are handy for this kind of thing. The child will feel more comfortable with talking to them becuase your her mother. I have found as a single mom myself that she doesnt like to bother me with everything. This was an outlet for her. I highly suggest talking to a school counselor. They can also teach her safe things regarding cells/facebook. etc

Jocelyn - posted on 11/13/2011

41

29

7

My daughter is 13 and still only has a phone for emergencies only. I don't let her text but a few people and when she asks (based on age and choices). I can't stand kids who are on their phone texting all the time, there is a time, place for that...I think with age comes responsibility. My has a FB page but she has to have me okay her friends and I have her passwords. I would take away ur daughters phone. Take out numbers you don't approve of...If it's texting now with such comments at 10 years old. It will only progress as she gets older and she has more opportunities. We were all once kids/teens, we have to protect them from things that they can't understand sometimes. Being a parent rather than a friend can be hard sometimes. Good luck mom!!!

Lisa - posted on 11/07/2011

9

0

0

First, tell your husband. A successful marriage has no secrets. Second, a little scolding from her father will teach her not to disobey your rules. She needs to know the consequences of her foolish actions. I must say at 10 years of age and conducting herself in that matter is unacceptable. She is a child, not an adult and she needs to remember that.

Lisa - posted on 11/07/2011

9

0

0

First, tell your husband. A successful marriage has no secrets. Second, a little scolding from her father will teach her not to disobey your rules. She needs to know the consequences of her foolish actions. I must say at 10 years of age and conducting herself in that matter is unacceptable. She is a child, not an adult and she needs to remember that.

Samantha - posted on 11/04/2011

1

27

0

Children of this age tend to have little crushes on other pupils, whether she has a cellphone or not this is going to happen. Children are not like the kids of 30 years ago sadly. tv, celebs, video gaming, to name a few play a huge part. You can't protect them sadly from everything, but you can teach them the right life skills. My daughter and son both were given cell phone's at the age of 11, when they started secondary school, mainly for safety, to and from school travelling. And if they ever needed me. I trusted my children and i didn't even attempt to look through their phones. We still now have a very close relationship, one is 16 one 22. I think the phone was a bad idea, but as you've no communication with the father their isn't anymore you can do other than monitor her, because kids will do it anyway regardless. Tell her to have a set time when her dad is to phone her and you can monitor her then, and take the phone off her when she's finished.

Donna - posted on 10/21/2011

657

16

38

i think you did the right thing. Im sure her "boyfriend" didnt have a clue what he was saying, probably was just saying it b/c maybe he saw an older sibling say i to their bf/gf. or maybe his parents say it to each other. regardless i probably would have taken the phone away too.

LINDA - posted on 10/20/2011

10

1

1

i think cell phones are very good for emergencies. if this child had not had a cell phone her mother wouldn't even know about her daughters interest in this boy. i raised 3 girls and some girls are ahead of their years. definately talk to her and explain to her she has plenty of time to think about boys when she is older and the way the world is now with so many carrupt grownups i think all kids should have a cell phone.

Shanea - posted on 10/20/2011

21

19

1

Ivette if your daughter needs a cell phone to fit your daily life do what you need to do. Try giving it to her in the mornings before you go your seperate ways and then have her turn it into you in the evening or whenever the two of you get home until she earns the trust back and not to mention brings her grades up. My son loves school and does very well my daughter is a social butterfly and it shows I encourage her that she is smart and can do and be anything if she just puts forth the effort i also try to help her study for test and with assignments when she really needs it and is not just looking for me do do her work. Keep up the good work I'm sure you are a great mom being a parent can just be down right hard but just keep pressing, learning, and growing. I pray the best for you and your family.

MaryAnn - posted on 10/20/2011

13

0

0

i have to disagree with people that are saying a 10 yr old should not have a cell phone- everyone's situation is different- my daughter just turned 11- she does not have a cell phone yet. our's will be for her safety as well as our peace of mind- she will be the only middle school aged (6th grade) walking herself to school- with budget cuts, she will not have the luxury of getting bussed- Ivette may have similar reasons- espicially as she is a single parent- I would however recommend that her txt and phone calls are limited to certain numbers. there are many cell phone companies that offer kid friendly plans.



i meant she is the only one from our neighborhood. We have mostly High schoolers and elderly on our block. there is no one to walk with- school will start before her dad is off work (night shift) and after i leave for work.

Ivette - posted on 10/19/2011

8

1

0

Proud in the sense that she and I can one day look back and agree that I successfully fulfilled my motherly duties and that I was of great influence in her life, that of course will be proven by her decisions in life and achievements.

I don't know about you, but I can't say the same about my parents. Not being able to get that feeling of support, encouragement, love, affection, openness, and trust was in fact my downfall. This is key in any parent/child relationship, that bond, to know that someone loves yo and cares for you and shows it means a lot. I didn't experience that and I don't want my daughter to ever go through that.

And when I say "she should know better" that is because I have that been communicating with her about things in life, from right and wrong, to sharing my own experiences and knowledge about things since she was even smaller. I know she will have to learn from her own mistakes but I just don't want her to learn the HARD WAY.

As for the cell phone, as I've mentioned before--for the lifestyle that we live, it is a MUST point blank! I do agree that calls amongs friends must be surpervised/limited and access to internet and text messages should be blocked! It has been been almost 2 weeks since the incident and until I change her numbers and the settings, she will not be getting it back PERIOD!

I did not penalized her for the inappropiate messages (which by the way she mostly initiated) but I'm still thinking whether I should punish her for the low progress report grades (mostly because of lying about completing HW assignments and lying about studying for exams) or not.

Some suggetions will be appreciated, thank you!

Vicky - posted on 10/19/2011

1

0

0

I don't mean to be rude, but I really think one of the major issues here is that your 10 year old daughter has a mobile phone! You don't want her to grow up too quickly but devises like mobiles that are really meant for adults, really aren't suitable for children. Our parents all managed to raise us without mobile phone's so why can't we? I really don't' think that children of 10 years old would find a way to send inappropriate messages to one another without mobile phones. Its a way for children to talk with each other very privately without adult supervision and possibly without their knowledge. What if she had deleted the messages? you would never have known about them!

I think mobile phones in the hands of children (especially those with Internet capability) exposes them to further dangers that really isn't necessary! I think children need to be children and to play with age appropriate toys, not mobile phones, and to have normal interaction with other children under appropriate adult supervision.

Also you mentioned that the only thing you want for your daughter is to make you proud? Surely the most important thing is for her to be happy and proud of herself?

I apologize if I have come across as judgmental that really isn't my intention but I have seen mobile phones and unsupervised computer access have a detrimental effect on children I have come across (predators etc) and feel very strongly about it. I hope it all works out for you and your daughter.

Dana - posted on 10/19/2011

3

9

0

Honesty is always the best policies!!...Lay the ground rules on whats appropriate...but ask her the questions to help her feel safe opening up to you about her feelings!! What does she like about him? Are his parents 2gether? How are his grades? Mainly WHY does she feel what she feels for him!! I have a 13 yr old...and she tells me everything...even what her friends are doing!! and it's scary...but i'd rather have her feel safe coming to me instead of hiding it all from me.

Meghan - posted on 10/19/2011

83

34

1

Speak open and honestly with her. Hard as it is, try not to show your anger. If you can keep an open and honest discussion with her, hopefully you can keep it when she is 16 and thinking about sex. Talk to her, let her know why you took her phone and why messages like that are inappropriate. And more importantly be honest with her. Children need to know that they're parents are human too.

Helen - posted on 10/19/2011

5

0

0

Hi just saw your reply, I live in Australia, we all have the same problems and it is hrad being a stand up parent, but you are really on the right track. its easy to get frustrated when you feel so alone, just remeber we mums are all out here sending you some shared strength when you feel alone, I know how lonely you feel, I was 1000's of miles from family and friends when my ex and I were going through hell and then finally split up, he is in their lives still which is probably the olny thing I don't regret. sounds like you could do with a friendly helping hand or two, 2 friends of mine hired a nanny to look after their 3 kids as it was cheaper than daycare etc and more flexible. You are already a stronger person than you think, you are still hanging in there for your girl, doing study and work too. I was a single mum too for several years and I found it hard to save for holidays but felt I needed something to keep me sane and the kids spirits up , so I was lucky to have friends who took us to their beach house 3 - 4 times a year, no charge, so a god send for me and my budget!
hang in there , it will get better
hope you have someone close to chat to
Helen

Amanda - posted on 10/19/2011

28

0

0

I'm just trying to figure out why a 10yr old needs a cellphone. I'm not trying to be mean, but this is one the major reasons why so many children grow up way too fast; faster than they should.

Helen - posted on 10/19/2011

5

0

0

I made it a rule "no boyfriends or girlfriends" until either of my children turned 16, not up for negatiation, they grew up with that and both had friends of both sexes at school, they are now older and said "thanks " for protecting me as a child, I feel 10 is too young to be having text messages, save the mobile for family emergencies and encourage all to use the land land to ring for a chat. It is Ok to have rules, your kids really need your special support and guidance as they can sometimes get overwhelmed with maybe feeling a bit of pressure from some one sending them texts that are so specific especially terms like "hottie bab sweet cheeks", I would also ask the other parents to intervene. At 10 girls need protecton so you did the right thing, however dont be too hard on her as it was the guy who sent to message to her (which means she has no control ove his behaviour) she might not like him!)
You have sensible rules for your girl, and seem a sensible Mom, so stick to your beliefs and I think keep communication open between you both. we all slip up sometimes too so remind your girl it is important that she is sharing things like this with you in case she has other issues in the future. I thought from 10 - 12 was the hardest spell for my girl and i to sort things out and for my boy he had a lot pof trougble with discipline when he was younger. They both now say ".... oh I'd never let my kids do that!..'
Having a specific "age" for dating is OK actually took pressure off my kids ! they survived and are now responbisle
You will get there too, hang in there, good luck
Helen

Sarah - posted on 10/18/2011

18

0

1

And maybe after you have found a good level with her then involve the father offcourse depending on your relationship with him and her relationship with him. Deal with it when the 3 of you are calm. It will help. one bird in the hand is better than 2 in the bush. You need your baby to grow into a girl you are proud of.

Sarah - posted on 10/18/2011

18

0

1

Its extremely difficult to deal with children as a single parent. She is exploring and the bounderies are endless. She probably is sorry and you have to think about how she said it. She is 10 years old and what does she realy know. Its heartbreaking to mothers especially when your relationship is not going well or has gone bad to see and imagine your daughter may make the same mistake. We tend to protect the children by not involving the father[doesnt mean he will help] and many times get very protective and in the years later end up making them rebelious. Try and talk to her and let her understand without you getting emotional and hard. It affects their grades and they get very sneaky because they want to understand why mother is so angry. Its still early you can find friendship with her. Good luck

Ivette - posted on 10/18/2011

8

1

0

After trying to premeditate on how, when and where I would bring this concern to her father, I unexpectedly (as for day and time) I decided to just blurt it out to her father via phone (in the heat of the moment) after receiving my daughters progress report, now I was convienced that this puppy love thing is a big deal which has now created a big problem. In the five years that my daughter has been going to private school I have never seen her grades as low as I saw them that day. After that I knew I had to tell her father asap. I started by talking to him about her grades and how she's been doing not so good since the beginning of this school year and that is when he started with his BS, saying that it is my fault, I knew this would go no where unless I told him right there after the reason that it may be, I continued by trying to explain to him what might really be behind this issue, the phone and the new boy in her class, he did not take it well at all, and quickly responded by saying "I'm going to break her face," as soon as he said this, the devil got in me and eagerly I responded as calmly as possible that if he were to ever put a hand on our daughter again that I will get the police involve and go to family court and do everything and anything possible to take his parental rights away--period! Soon as he came to his senses we continued to talk. I tried to make him see the picture from my point of view (thanks to the advice on CoM) and he seemed to absorb and agreed on changing his ways. I'm not going to get my hopes up but I hope that this is his wake up call and enough is enough!

I spoke to the father (since he is the one that picks up the boy from school every day) of the boy and he was aware that my daughter liked his son because he spoke about her to him, but he claimed to not have known anything about the text msgs and pictures that were being sent back and forth. He was very sorry and said he would have a talk with him and put a stop to it. I was pleased and relieved to how the conversation went.

I have not returned the phone to her because her dad said he is going to change the number, so I'm waiting for that to happen. I am also going to try and find a way to block certain numbers, because honestly she needs the texting because when I am in class and/or at work it is the only quick way she can communicate with me, waiting to call her back sometimes takes longer and texting lets me see the serverity of the issue she's trying to get across. I plan on giving her the phone back but I refuse to bug in my daughters cell. The only reason why I looked in her phone that morning was because her message notification red light was blinking and the boy's name was displayed on the screen. Even though I do confess to random monitoring.

I don't ever want to invade my daughters privacy, I went through that with my mother and it really damaged me, by the age of 13-14 I was already a rebel kid but this was because I had no mother/daughter bond and relationship. She was never affectionate and open with me, I would come to her with questions and she would reply that it is not my time to know about that, all she would ever say was don't do this, don't do that but never give an explanation behind it. It was so bad that she wouldnt even let me read magazines like "Teen" "seventeen," etc. I could not even watch music videos, on MTV, she did everything possible to keep us from the real world, what she didn't know was that that was her biggest mistake ever! I don't want this for my daughter. I always communicate with her, ask her questions, I listen to what she has to say, show concern, I give her daily hugs and kisses and constantly tell her that I love her throughout the day. All I want from her is to make me proud, to make me feel that I have done a great job in raising her unlike my mother. I love my mother and now we have a great relationship but only because I broke those boundaries, I made it good but I do still live with the pain that she made us go through (me and my siblings). I'm traumatized behind it, even though I try to forget about it.

After seeing my daughters progress report I was really upset. I know this has to do with her interest in that little boy. She is not concentrating and paying attention in class, I dissagree with those parents whom are saying that it is OK for them to have a boyfriend or have the right to say that they are going out. Boys are a distraction! It is a set back, picture that- she's in class fantasizing about this little boy instead on focusing on the lesson being giving by the teacher, not good. I told her its OK to like a boys, it's normal, it's part of growing up, we all go through this, but to act out ad start letting this boy that space in her mind is unacceptable!

Now I am worried more than before, because this is what I didn't want, to have this interfere with her academics, now I have a new issue/problem. I have a lot to talk about and inquire about when parent/teacher conference comes around.

Thanks again CoM!

P.S.
I will get back to you soon about your individual questions and statements.

Kylie - posted on 10/18/2011

13

1

0

I'm not being judgmental but what is a 10 year old doing with a phone there to young hun try and keep her young and it's normal for kids to start to like the other sex but talk to her about it and try and steer her away from that and back to things that's her age level try even joking about it try not to take it to serious so she don't but I would be taking the phone away from her till she is in highschool way to young for a phone

Kylie - posted on 10/18/2011

13

1

0

I'm not being judgmental but what is a 10 year old doing with a phone there to young hun try and keep her young and it's normal for kids to start to like the other sex but talk to her about it and try and steer her away from that and back to things that's her age level try even joking about it try not to take it to serious so she don't but I would be taking the phone away from her till she is in highschool way to young for a phone

S - posted on 10/18/2011

14

5

1

Greetings,
I completely agree with Lorraine. My 7 year old daughter has a little boy who is "in love" with her. He simply passes her heart shaped notes. At this age it is innocent and part of growing up. I feel that you may have over reacted. Now should be the time you open a dialogue with your daughter. Ask about the boy but don't condemn. Express concern and guide her. Remember to listen to her and don't be to eager to offer fixes.
I also suggest you find a way to communicate with your daughter's father. Especially if you feel she is attempting to seek male attention.

Lorraine - posted on 10/18/2011

20

12

3

Ivette
i feel i have to say as a divorced mom that your daughter should not be the message centre between you and her father, im not having a go at you ive been there where you are my love but there are other ways any child centre near yourself can help get an advocate so your daughter wont feel torn between you and her father, and a communation book passed between you and him means you can share issues with each other and keep your daughter out of those adult worries :)

just a suggestion

my own 11 yr old has a BF in school its usually innocent enough at this age they dont do mor than hold hands and maybe kiss but its not usally passionate or anything more than as you say Puppy love, instead of discouraging her i feel this will just cause her to rebel into it maybe try asking her who this fella is how they met whats he like can you meet him / his parents? keep an eye on him that way but to her your seem intrested in her feelings and may even discourage it just by likeing the boy LMAo its how i delt with mine
hope it helps good luck

Angela - posted on 10/18/2011

3

22

0

well as a 29 yr old single mom of a 4 yr old girl, the first thing that comes to my mind is that a 10 yr old shouldn't have a cell to begin with and it wouldn't happen...again. now for the 3rd time since she didn't listen before u stated. I think if u MUST give her a phone,take off texting privlages until she's oler and use to phone either in emergency,or to reach you,and have certain times sh can use it to talk.like after homework is done for 2 hours or so and monitor with door open and listen etc...she needs to earn her phone back too...b ut texting should go until she's mature enough to understand and listen to you...which she clearly didn't. So that's my opinion,...good luck. Hope it helps. ;)

Joyce - posted on 10/18/2011

4

0

0

What is the reason my 10 year old needs a cell phone? Because I decided to give her one. Why does a baby need pierced ears? Because the parent decided to do it to them. Why do some kids dye their hair? Why do some boys have guns? Yes, I know several 8 year olds that own a gun so they can go hunting with their dad, grandpa, etc. Do I agree with it? No. But what difference does it make? I can go on and on. To each their own. I gave both my kids their own cell phone so they can call me when they need to, and so I can call them anytime to find out where they are and who they are with. They can call their friends and not tie up MY cell phone. I can call them when they are at youth group, I can call them to remind them to get their chores done, I can text her while she is at girl scouts, She can call me whenever she needs to. It's a personal choice of course. It's because it works for them. My daughter walks home one night a week by herself because of an after school activity....I have her call me and she can talk to me the whole way home because I am still at work (which is half a block). It works for us. This is not about the cell phone! If it wasn't texting, they would be passing notes or something else. The cell phone issue irrelevant in this case. My question to you may be, why NOT a cell phone?

Eva - posted on 10/18/2011

2

7

0

My children can´t have their own cell till they are about 17 and they need it. the main reason is, I dont want them to start a relationship on the cell

Joyce - posted on 10/18/2011

4

0

0

My 10 year old daughter has had a cell phone for a year now. We have the capability of logging into our phone account and can see everything...who she calls, who is calling her, and both sides of the text conversation. I wouldn't be too worried. This is what girls her age do. My daughter came home from school yesterday and told me she was "going out" with a boy in her class. It means nothing. What it means is that she is friends with a boy, that's all. Innocent. I agree with Jenny....ask about the boy, have him come over for a supervised play date. This should quell any notion that it's nothing "serious". When I was her age, I remember having "crushes" with boys....it's just what kids that age do. I would keep communicating with her and make sure they really aren't "kissing". That would definately require further discussions. I'm not freaking out about my daughters "boyfriend", instead, I am having fun with it. "Is he cute?" "What did he say to you?" "Is he in your class? What things does he like?" etc. etc. I am meeting with her teacher next week and I will have her tell me if things are remaining innocent. Another set of eyes is always good too. Call the boys parents.....I am sure they would like to know what is going on also, and then they can talk to him about things as well. No need to over-react just yet. Find out more first.

Penny - posted on 10/17/2011

2

6

0

Why does a 10 yr old need a cell phone? That is a little too much for an elementary child..as is social networking yet parents allow this. I spend a lot of one on one time w my ten yr old daughter. I dont allow her on the internet without me by her side and she is not left alone with boys. We have already talked about the birds and the bees too. Maybe it stems from my family having already dealt with a sexua predator, but its best not to put these devices in the hands of children. Glad u made the wise desicion to confiscate it and discuss it with her.

Katrina - posted on 10/17/2011

1

11

0

I think ifbu stop her from using her fone she will find other ways of talking to boys just tell her how it is otherwise she will rebell and do things that u don't want her to do behind ur back

Angela - posted on 10/17/2011

3

2

0

In my opinion the cell phone shouldn't be the main focus, because kids are going to find a way to find to be mischievous.As parents we can try to protect our kids are but we can only do so much. When you are a single parent we have to do things a little differently because we are doing it alone. My 12 year old has a cell phone and she had one when she was 9. Since she doesn't have a positive relationship with her father she may be looking for attention from any type of male figure who says they care about her. You are doing right by reaching out to her. I know you are hurt by her actions but try to approach this situation with a clear. Because you don't want her to.shut down or start hiding things from you. I wish you the best of luck.

Dawn - posted on 10/17/2011

33

18

0

Well my 7 year old has a cell phone. I think it's a smart thing to do, especially if she is a single mom without any help. We let our daughter have a phone because it is just my husband and I, we don't have any family or close friends. We worried about what if something occurred and we were somewhere and broke down, what about our daughter getting off the bus? Her having a phone makes us feel better that if something unforseen occurs we can contact her and tell her what to do. Thank goodness the only time she has ever needed it is when i was expecting a delivery that I had to be home for and I called her while she was on the bus and stood on the sidewalk and watched her walk the little over half a block home from the bus stop. Thankfully that has been the only time her dad or I couldn't be there, but in this world I like having the little extra protection.

Michelle - posted on 10/17/2011

4

36

0

I have an 11 year old son and he does have a cell phone because I work more than 30 minutes away from his school and sometimes I can't make it to get him, so I have to let him know who can pick him up. The way I've kept him from texting kids/people I don't want him to is I lock his phone. Don't let anyone tell you that you are doing things wrong. You live and you learn from your mistakes. Just keep talking to your daughter and keep open lines of communication with her. My son too has an idiot father. He is not real close with my husband, but he is extremely close with my father. Find an adult male that could be a positive role model to her, if possible. She needs that love. I hope things get better for you. Being a single mom is so tough and so many people will judge you. Just do what you can to the best of your abilities.

Jenni - posted on 10/17/2011

80

10

0

My theory is there is two types of kids :- Kids who are Kids and kids who can't wait to grow up! The phone issue is your choice and reason as MaryAnn just said. I think the problem is communication between you and your daughter. I would die just like you when you saw those texts so maybe it's time for plan B. I don't have a plan lol yet maybe you need to change your way of dealing with this, instead of yelling (which is understandable) maybe it would be better to discuss with your child about the boy. So an interest in him, get to meet him have him over for lunch (less formal), by you showing an interest it might make your daughter more open about her life and feel comfortable sharing her inner feelings. You might find the boy might say all these things yet could be very child like. Coming up to this age kids tend to block their parents out so it's important to keep lines of communication open - remember when you were a teen lol. Contraception and sex talk could be on the cards here, you want her to make that decision to take the next step not out of revenge on mum! Obviously you soooo don't want that next step til she is 40 and moved out of home!!! As people we like to keep a little bit of something a secret from the world and that is all mine, kids are the same. I believe you should always be a parent yet respect your child as you would like to be respected as the grow up and new experiences come their way. Kids (like us) would never listen to a screaming banchee (mum or dad) and do the opposite! She knows you just like you know her yet you have to be smarter and change your techniques to throw her of guard and give you an advantage. Ask her more questions, the more info you have hopefully you will find a solution. Your past experiences can be helpful to and it allows her to see you differently other than a mum! Goodluck.

Patricia - posted on 10/17/2011

32

11

0

As others have mentioned, the cell phone is not the concern. Although you may be upset, it is best to talk to her calmly about the topic. Ask her about her relationship with the boy. Questions that are lighter such as what do kids your age do with a boyfriend? Why do you think you need a boyfriend? Might make her laugh or tell you more about what is going on. Sometimes at that age it may be more a of a peer pressure thing and it may not be what you think. This is the beginning of many more topics that sometimes make us uncomfortable. However, it is a good time to start dialogue with your daughter about her period, sex and so on. I have a son and found that having those talks with him is not as bad as I thought. They are very curious at this age and talking to her consistently and asking questions will help you learn more about what is going on and will help develop a relationship where she may feel comfortable coming to you. Is it also a good opportunity to teach her more about the message she is sending in the texting. Sometimes giving them examples from news stories and consequences others have faced gets your message across.

Alexandra - posted on 10/17/2011

581

24

1

I would have never given a phone to a 10 year old. You should not be disappointed, that is a perfectly normal 10 year old behaviour.

Samantha - posted on 10/17/2011

1

0

0

Why does a 10 year old have a cell phone anyways, that might solve the problem.

MaryAnn - posted on 10/17/2011

13

0

0

the cell phone is not the issue- my daughter just turned 11 & doesn't have one, but she probably will by the time she starts Junior high next year- She would be the only kid at the bus stop, so the phone is for her safety (and my piece of mind)- The mom may have similar reasons for her 10 yr old to have a phone. I deal with 10 & 11 yr olds all the time.. they think its "cool" to have a boyfriend. I talk to my daughter constantly about being her own person, and that she needs to enjoy being a kid without the pressure of a boyfriend... so far so good. All this mother can do is talk to her daughter, and perhaps talk to the parent of the boy sending her the text messages. You will get your point accross by being open and reassuring your daughter that there is a time and place for a "relationship" but not at 10.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms