Question: Does a parent that does not pay child support when court ordered to do so deserve to see their child?

Michelle - posted on 06/27/2012

I wish that was the case! I get so furious when I think about it. My ex is thousands behind!
Legally though you can get yourself into a lot of trouble for refusing access even if child support is not being paid. In the courts opinion child support and access are two separate things!

Dawn - posted on 06/26/2012

@Jessica, so all the single parents and poor families on welfare should have their kids taken and not be allowed to see them?

Jenn - posted on 06/26/2012

Legally, a parent cannot keep the other parent from seeing their child due to lack of child support payments. Child support and visitation are two completely different issues. One can ask the court to assist in collecting, such as garnishing wages, but that parent cannot use the child as a pawn to receive payments. Frustrating as it may be, I understand the court's view on the issue.

Jessica - posted on 06/26/2012

If a parent does not support there own child they shouldn't have the right to see there child at all why should they see there child if they can't support there child...

Dawn - posted on 06/26/2012

I don't know but i guess I have a different view on what a dead beat dad is. I see a dead bat dad as one who doesn't pay support or have anything to do with their child. If they regularly see thier child then I don't see that as being a dead beat.

Amber - posted on 06/26/2012

the court will not support your choice to not let your kids see the other parent if they are not paying child support and in fact the other parent can take u to court and you will get in trouble with the judge for keeping the child from the parent and could possibly face contempt of court charges as well... just so you have a clearer view of where you stand on this situation...you can go to the court and he can get his driver's license revoked have a bench warrant out for his arrest there are other things that can be done but keeping the kid or kids from him will not be a wise choice! best of luck!!

Jodi - posted on 06/26/2012

@ Jennifer, how is that money the child's money if mum has been the sole supporter for all these years? That should be the mother's money. It is owed to HER for support of the child, not to the child.

Jennifer - posted on 06/26/2012

My niece was 3 when the courts told her dad to pay child support with whatever amount was decided upon. He never ever paid. Never saw her because he didn't care.
When she graduated HS three years ago she was accepted to UT-Chattanooga. She didn't have a car. She went to the courthouse and got all the documentation she could.
She went to his house, knocked on his door. Showed him all her paperwork. She now has a convertible bug, car insurance, and her books paid for. He either pays for all of it or she turns him in, simple as that. He doesn't want to go to jail so he pays.
If you are managing without the support, don't sweat it. He will have to pay in the long run.
As for him seeing the kids, as long as he isn't abusive, let him. Kids need both parents.

Christy - posted on 06/26/2012

So stumbling upon your additional information (only regarding your financial responsibility to split cost of travel) I would say to file with the court for a change of circumstance on the child support agreement demonstrating how much money is owed, your financial budget and burden and that you simply can not afford to pay for the half of the travel when he is not providing any support. I would think that a judge would see that as only fair.
Hope it works out for you!

Deanna - posted on 06/25/2012

In Canada that parent still has the right to see the child. You can't take that away without extreme cause. But, you can ask the courts for certain conditions.

Christy - posted on 06/25/2012

"It sucks that you have to suck it up buttercup, but you do." I love this I am so going to use this on myself in the "sucking it up" role that I have to play! Thanks! .... and I promise to do my best not to use it on the other side, though darn it's good! ;)

Christy - posted on 06/25/2012

Every situation is different.
How much time and effort does the non-custodial parent put into the relationship? Do they call or visit on a regular basis?
Are they loving, supportive, a positive influence and role model to the child?
Why are they not paying is it due to circumstance or out of spite?

All this aside I have one key point that needs to be considered in dealing with the situation and that is- the courts opinion. The court does not relate the payment of support to visitation in ANY way (except to calculate support). Whether or not the non-custodial parent pays, they have a right to see their child and an OBLIGATION to due so for the time allotted in the court order. Remember seeing the child is not a privilege, it is a responsibility.
While I understand how painful, exhausting and loose loose the court system is for all parties (even for those in amicable resolutions) the goal is to do the best that they can to provide for the benefit of the children in this frequent but hardest of situations. In the case of the parent being a good parent (or well intention-ed loving parent) preventing visitation will only look very bad for the custodial parent when you return to court. More importantly- If the non-custodial parent is indeed a good parent or well intention-ed loving parent who is harmed more by preventing visitation- the child or the non-custodial parent? Or are the equally harmed? Or even if the child is harmed by the slightest percent or in the slightest unnoticed of ways- is it worth it?
If the non-custodial parent is not a good parent or there is some reason to be concerned about a negative influence or treatment- document it. If they are flaky, unreliable in the visitation, no shows- document it and request a cut in visitation since they are not meeting the courts determined visitation. If they are not paying child support you believe out of spite or you have reason to believe they have money but are not making the payments- document it and document any and all hardships you are having to endure due to the lack of payment and present those.
As a custodial parent who has had child support drop off due to the other parent's situation, has seen them provide not even a hand written card for the recent birthday always considering- "you will take care of it" I can relate to the frustration (though on a far lesser level). On a side note If the support is behind in years why isn't this person being jailed?
Money and frustrating selfishness's aside-
Still the key thing that we need to try to remain focused on is our beautiful children and what we find in our heart to be the best for them.

Shawnn - posted on 06/25/2012

I agree with Jodi.

A CHILD IS NOT A COMMODITY. By arbitrarily withholding visitation, you are telling your child that, unless daddy PAYS, your kid doesn't deserve to know him. Well, ya know what????

In the US, divorces can only be granted through the courts. Anything else is not a divorce, it's an avoidance of the situation. AND, since divorces are handled by a judge, they AUTOMATICALLY include child visitation and support arrangements. That makes these a court order, violations punishable by law, up to and including incarceration for parties involved.

Now, Marie, and others, you may FEEL that that kid is YOUR kid, by rights of possession, YOU have the kid, YOU take care of him, etc. BUT...and this is a big one...What are you going to tell the judge, when you're standing in front of him for violation of a court order for withholding visitation? "I'm sorry, your honor, but I didn't feel that my son deserved to know his father, because I think his father is a deadbeat". the judge's response will be: "I'm sorry, ma'am, but visitation and child support are two separate items, not connected. By withholding your son's visits, you are now found in contempt of court. Please see the bailiff to arrange bail."

You aren't doing anyone any favors. You aren't teaching your kids anything, except how to be vindictive and bitter, and how not to get along with others.

Again, I say, CHILDREN ARE NOT A COMMODITY FOR SALE. They are children, and the CHILDREN deserve to know both parents, as long as those parents are not drug users, abusers, or proven unable to care for a child.

Amanda - posted on 06/25/2012

Sarah, I know that this is a very difficult situation for you, but two wrongs do not make a right. It sucks that you have to suck it up buttercup, but you do. By not allowing your child to see their father you are causing more harm then good. I understand that it is very difficult to shoulder all the financial burden while daddy gets to just be the good guy who spends time with your child, but know this, your child WILL see who has shouldered the most responsibility in the end. Keep your chin up, and NEVER let your emotions convince you to do something that will eventually cause you heart ache in the end.... i.e. You kept me from seeing my father because of money??? so I was only a paycheck to you..... I say this because when your child tries to find their father when they are older and trust they will (speaking from experience) the father could tell your child a bold faced lie or the complete truth but in a way that will make you look like the BAD guy.... I know it is very difficult, and you probably want to just wash your hands of your ex and make your current partner the father and be done with it, but you cant go back in time, and if your anything like me you really dont want to, because regardless of how the relationship turned out you have they best thing life can offer, your child..... Good luck with everything, but i beg you, dont keep your child from knowing their father....it can come back to haunt you.

Marie - posted on 06/24/2012

Yes they should, as they have the BEST interest of the child, if one is not a responsible.
This article was about Y e a r s of non payment, not just a few missed ones, totally irrespirable.

This is about responsibility, or the total lack of it, not entitlement.

Marie - posted on 06/24/2012

Jodi I was not responding to you, some one else here who feels age does not matter when failing pregnant with a unplanned unwanted baby.
Adults having baby vs 12 -13yr olds, Um that could be debatable as well lol!

Thats the brilliance of the internet, all have differences of opinions, and not just one is right for all. But most agree not all young children have aspirations to be pregnant by 12 -13yrs old, as they don't even know their own bodies, very sad.

Marie - posted on 06/24/2012

Food for though yes, yes well , money would help pay for the food for the stomachs of any children when irresponsible parents Male OR Female, wont, and squabble. Of corse it effects kids, when Adults not setting any better example.Um

Guadalupe - posted on 06/24/2012

Honestly. If a parent isn't paying child support it's because they don't want to. So if they don't then I don't see why they even want to see the child. I know in some cases like my brothers' it's because he can't & won't get his crap in order so he doesn't have money to help. He always comes up with excuses why things don't work out for him & always seems to blame everyone else for his problems but it's all his fault. He actually tried to blame my sister & I the last time he got in trouble because we wouldn't let him stay with either one of us. I know that might sound mean but he's a 42 yr old "man" that drinks & smokes so why is that my fault or problem. I don't want my family around that. I say it all the time. We all have choices. He chooses to do things to get in trouble & his daughter is the one that suffers. She doesn't even care to see him anymore because he's not there for her. Financially or emotionally. Sad truth is that unless there is something totally wrong with the person the court will let them see their child. I know that's not fair but that's the way the crap goes:(

LaWanna - posted on 06/24/2012

I totally agree with Nicole. Having worked for the courts as a guardian ad litem, children are just torn apart when they don't have relationships with both of their parents. Food for thought!

Marisa - posted on 06/24/2012

I had a child before I met my now husband also. I don't have to deal with the visitation part but I do deal with the support part. When my son was 3 months I filed for support and I was receiving it for awhile then it stopped. Next thing I new almost 3 years had past. I went back to court showed them proof of when I recieved the last payment and they put the judgement into place that we were supposed to get that back. I then asked for it to be" garnished" from his check. What happens then the court will take your payments directly from his check as he gets paid and send you the checks until you get all your payments back. Best of luck.

Marisa - posted on 06/24/2012

I had a child before I met my now husband also. I don't have to deal with the visitation part but I do deal with the support part. When my son was 3 months I filed for support and I was receiving it for awhile then it stopped. Next thing I new almost 3 years had past. I went back to court showed them proof of when I recieved the last payment and they put the judgement into place that we were supposed to get that back. I then asked for it to be" garnished" from his check. What happens then the court will take your payments directly from his check as he gets paid and send you the checks until you get all your payments back. Best of luck.

Jamie - posted on 06/23/2012

I agree it isn't fair. If he agreed to you leaving and so on then he shouldn't be like this. The father of my child doesn't pay either and I say that's fine, I'm proud I can do this myself but I certainly wouldn't go broke letting him see his child but if you can manage still do it! He is going to grow up knowing mommy did all she could cause she loved me but if you can't keep doing what your doing then talk to him about paying both ways as he doesn't pay for anything else and you want him to still see your child.
Personally the money never mattered as much as them being a father cause that's best for your child and our goal is to give our children everything we can. Right?
You sound like a good mom and I'm sure lots still think it but we show we are better by not doing it like some do. This child deserves the world.

Cynthia - posted on 06/23/2012

Do you get your kids taken away when your mortgage payments are late or you claim bankruptcy? hmm...

Tracy - posted on 06/23/2012

Well, all legalities aside and speaking strictly emotional or moral aspects... I would think that first of all, a "parent" that hasn't paid child support for THAT long probably hasn't sought much visitation either. If and when they do, I would question their motives. Are they absent for a long time and now want to change things? If so, then if all motives are of honest and open reconnection, then with a slow reintroduction into the child's life, how could that be bad? If the parent has been absent only periodically (the come-and-go parent) then I would be tight about visitations because the visitations are not about the child's relationship with that parent but about appeasing that parent's ego or guilt for not being around. I would probably supervise those visits. If the parent is constantly around and has a good relationship with the child, then despite any angry feelings *I* may have for the lack of financial support, the relationship will only help my child. Why would I chase off the parent when all is good other than money? Perhaps there might be a reason for the non-support. Maybe they fear how YOU are spending the money. It's a valid fear. So set up a college fund accessible only by the child when they are of age. Maybe the parent can't make their own ends meet to maintain a roof over their head just to keep up a place to visit their child safely. I would rather the father have a stable home and visitation than to be visiting out of friend's homes or a motel (my ex did the motel thing for a while and I hated it but the courts wouldn't let me stop it). Sometimes the system doesn't award child support fairly. I've known moms whose live-in-boyfriends or even husbands work and make plenty of money to support the whole household and then some. But because They may not take that income into consideration, it is marked as the mother has zero income. Therefore the bio father is mandated to pay huge amounts of money even when it's not needed for ensure the lifestyle his children wish let alone need. So I can see plenty of reasons a man may not pay child support but it shouldn't necessarily mean he can't visit. I've known guys who pay everything they are supposed to but you still wouldn't want your children within 10 miles of them while I've known other guys that were awesome dads but can't afford jack.

Judi - posted on 06/23/2012

The payment or non payment of child support does not confirm nor deny visitations. The child deserves to have both parents in their lives. Any court will side on the rights of the child to have both parents equally in their life.

Ana - posted on 06/23/2012

No not at all .

Nicole - posted on 06/23/2012

@ Penny: You can ask the Attorney General. In court papers its states they must let you know of a new address job phone number etc. If she is not following these rules you can file against her. Good Luck

Nicole - posted on 06/23/2012

I dont think they should be allowed too if they havent paid. That is my opinion. I am in that similar case right now. My childs father hasnt wanted anything to do with her over the past 6 yrs and shes about to be 7 and the only time I get any money to help support her is when by some chance he gets a real job and not one thats paid under the table and they take his income taxes. I dont force my child to see him since recently he has shown up and demanded to take her on weekend visits. I think the only reason he is doing it is because he recently got married and his wife only has boys and wants a girl but IMO she cant take a long walk off a short pier. Im not sending my child to someone who is unknown to her especially since her kids are teenagers and she so young. I dont know them and I dont care to my child is safest when at home with me. So I agree with you and they need to amend that crap. Non custodial parents who dont pay shouldnt have any rights. Period. Good Luck

Penny - posted on 06/23/2012

My son supports his daughter, the money is taken every month from his pay before he gets it,however his ex has moved away and we don't know where she . So it seems to make no difference whether you pay or not you don't always get to see your child.

Jodi - posted on 06/23/2012

Custodial rights do not give you the right to deny your child with a relationship with the other parent for the sake of money.



For your information, I 100% provide for my son, his father pays nothing these days. But I would NEVER presume to be so arrogant as to deny my son a relationship with his father. No-one has that right unless it is an abusive situation. Period. My son has rights. This woman's daughter has rights too.

Marie - posted on 06/23/2012

Hi respect you views, but this article is about some one else, this woman doe have : Custodial FULL rights" . My Mum worked 3 work positions to keep food in our stomachs, I would not bite the hand that feeds you as a child no matter, rather would be grateful a Mother or father has guts to be fully responsible. Both, and not just 1.



Children see though the eyes of a child yes black and white , but children should not be left with 0 and no money for food.



And as though it took both to make this child, she says the Father has never paid for Y e a r s, not just a few missed payments, if that was the case, I am she could bare it but this woman's case, not that simple passed that and her child suffering because of lack of responsibility.



You speak of your own experience etc fine sorry to hear, but when you where a child whatever age still a child, (you did not have to go out and work? ) now did you ,for the irresponsibility of not having any money to pay the bills and place food in your stomach, School fees, birthday parties, petrol the lot ?,um



I can hear her frustration as this woman may of just had enough and trying to draw a line so you to canto say she should do this or that as well, she has to do whats always in the best interests of her child. To late for you to understood if she just said oh I can handle all this and send you away or Abandon you aye, see the other side. Father has in fact abandoned his FULL rights and responsibilities,



If the father just paid, any child would not feel to have mixed loyalties, not the partner who has been responsibly for all of a child/rens life now is it, wether female or male.



But you cannot also say this situations is the same as yours, similar but still different.

Marie - posted on 06/23/2012

She would not be holding back the child because of $, rather its the attitude and the irresponsibility of it all. AS if you can just have children and not be fully responsible is not a responsible parenting, and then expect to have play times? it takes more than good intentions.



As then who would you expect cough up for Medical bills, food, Health care, the system?



Also its not just a few payments, as this woman says its Y e a r s! of not giving a dam to pay anything towards own flesh and blood um.

So fine let father see the child, but on Mothers or what ever parent Terms under supervision,, as full care an pays everything, and wake sup when child is sick, al all the 24/ 7 care, not just pocket money and spare change, towards their own child or whats left, ((paying to bring up a child , is not optional)), as other than the money she and her child don't get from other parents, its all been her own hard slog.



I think its totally so slack to think people feel they have rights when they don't take full responsibility.



Parenting is not 50 /50 its 110% and more.

Jennifer - posted on 06/22/2012

I have not read all the comments on here so I don't know what was said. But I am kind of in the same situation I have a 14 yrs old son and his dad and I split when my son was 7. We never went thru the courts but had a mutual agreement on support an visitation. For awhile it went good and then slowly his payments started to get smaller and fewer. Now he pays no support at all. He will by my son a pair of shoes or a shirt here and there but thats about it. As for visitation I still allow my son to go over there every other weekends and then a couple of weeks during the summer. It is not my sons fault that his dad does not pay and it would be punishing my son and I would look like that bad guy if I kept him from his father. It does piss me off don't get me wrong and I have submitted the papers for child support but what ever happens I will not hold that against my son and I just hope one day that my son will look back and realize everything I did (and what his dad didn't do) for him. Hope this helps and good luck

Jodi - posted on 06/22/2012

It amazes me how many people think their child is a commodity available for hire.

Angela - posted on 06/22/2012

if a peron doesnt pay money then you have the right to stop them seeing there kids if they can pay the money they are suppose to pay u then whats gives them the right to see the kid

Amber - posted on 06/22/2012

By the law yes they are still allowed visitation (of course this can vary by state, I would recommend you double check). In most states child support and visitation are separate issues. The money is to help relieve the financial strain and the visitation is to help the child's emptional development and family relationship.

Speaking from experience myself, I agree with this. My daughter is 15 now. My ex and I have been divorced since August of 1998 and he has yet to make any real child support payments. Over the course of 14 years he has paid for 2 soccer seasons a whooping $140.00 plus the gear which I think added about another $50 to that making it a grand total of $190.00. Our divorce decree orders him to pay $125 a month. (Yes I know that barely pays for jeans now.) Now back on topic, even though he has not paid I have never said no because my child wants a relationship with her father. Or she did when she was 10. Now however, she has washed her hands of him, but his lack of involvement has led to many major anger issues for her and is one of the causes her doctor credits for her severe depression. (It is not the only cause but is the biggest according to the assessments.) I would suggest going through your states child support enforcement office for assistance. I finally did this last year and he has since missed 1 court date and then disappeared. So I am working with the system now and while I am still not getting any financial assistance he will have to eventually answer to the government if not me. All the help I have received for things such as medical and food stamps he will be responsible for paying back. I will also get any tax credits he receives and court representation without cost to me for his case. It has been worth it in the end.

If you have a parent that does not live at home and does not pay, my suggestion weigh the emotional cost more than the financial because the child suffers more often than not and eventually the child will come to a decision based on the behavior of the non-custodial parent.

Good luck with your situation.

Shawnn - posted on 06/22/2012

Marie, it simply does not work that way in the US, you cannot put your own terms on visitation/support, you have to have court documents in place.

You cannot withhold ordered visits if the other parent is non supportive. THEY ARE NOT CONNECTED.

And, by telling your child that you are not allowing their father to see them because they didn't pay you this month will NOT reassure your child. It will make your child feel like the only reason you care about them is because daddy owes you money.

So, I never, ever advise a divorced person to withhold visits. Mainly because doing so puts THAT person in violation of a court order as well, and what's the kid going to do when BOTH mommy and daddy are in jail for violation of court orders?

Oh, and also...Personal experience here...my mother withheld visitation for child support, and let us know that she was doing that...only she had an agreement in the decree that said he didn't owe support if she kept the house. She kept the house, and STILL withheld visits from my father for "non payment". And I MOST DEFINITELY DO NOT RESPECT HER for that.

It is better to show your child that 1)You are mature enough to allow visits, regardless of payment, because you know that it is for the good of the child. 2) You can understand and abide by set rules, and 3) that you all CAN get along for the sake of the child.

Jodi - posted on 06/22/2012

Excuse me, Marie? You are suggesting bringing the CHILD into the discussion on the financial arrangements? *Daddy can't see you because he doesn't pay*? Are you kidding me?

Marie - posted on 06/22/2012

No tell the child the truth softly, that the parent was never acting responsible, children are not stupid.





Unless payments where not paid for ( YEARS) was due to illness or near death payments where not paid then can understand, As they children like fairness and truth as well, and after all $ does count a lot, as really ripping the child of aye, um



Children should not be and do not have to be the understanding ones, the adults adults should be for the children 100% regardless if marriage is broken down.



And if all what is due is not or never taken seriously to repay alot of it, then NO, the child would not be a pawn, its the Adults that don't really care, and because of that cause the other parent and chid grief, so not worth ever having some one like that.



Best then no money and no dead beat parent.

Oh and if you must have dead beat dad in the picture then at your terms set strict boundaries, like he cannot take him away, supervised etc, as yes can see other side, and kids should not feel to take sides, only the child's safety or emotional state at risk then totally no.

Marie - posted on 06/22/2012

Fair enough agree, no pay no play simply. Also people who don't pay and or no real effort to, can go to jail over time.

Shannon - posted on 06/21/2012

Yes you should still allow your child to see his father. Although you seriously have a(n) dead beat dad by not allowing your son to see him will only come back to bite you in the end I know this sucks being the parent whose busting your tail to make sure that he has what he wants and needs however in the end your son will thank you because quiet as it's kept kids notice everything and your son knows that you rock as a mom he will always cherish that and will grow up knowing that when the chips were down even though dad was around Mom took great care of me.... I too am experiencing the same ordeal with my sons dad so I totally relate the only difference is he has yet to meet his father.....
Shannon Shaw

Donna - posted on 06/21/2012

There are a lot of responses, too many to read. How old is the child? I have lived this example, 7 years of non-payment, her father re-married, started a "new family" and totally forgot about her. I cannot tell you the emotional damage that has done to her. There was nothing I could do about it. He saw her regularly for the first few years we separated (she was 5 at the time). I will tell you that this will fix itself so to speak. You cannot deny him the right to see child, nor should you. At some point that child will develop into a young adult and see him for who he is. My daughter is now 18. Her father has essentially abandoned her. I never spoke bad of him, and kept his non-payment from her until recently. I've never refused him the right to see her. He unfortunately has made no effort to be in her life for the past 5 years, doesn't call anymore, and actually forgot her 18th birthday. There is no excuse for that. That was about the time I decided to take him to court for lack of payment.

She is graduating HS tomorrow. I sent him an announcement because it's the right thing to do. He didn't call. She actually called to wish him a Happy Father's Day which is when he asked what "the thing he got in the mail was". She explained it was a graduation announcement. That was the end of the conversation. At this point she doesn't want HIM her her life and he will someday realize his loss. She's embarrassed by him. When someone else is walking her down the isle, maybe he will get it. Then again, maybe not.

Child support and visitation are 2 separate issues. I took mine to court, a court order was the only thing to get him to visit (lives 2 hrs away). His child support is now regulated through child services (they take this VERY seriously) and taken from his pay directly. He pays an annual amount to me directly for the back arrears. It's something. Good luck to you, just do what's best for your child and it's the right thing to do.

Sara - posted on 06/19/2012

Unfortunately, this is not about opinion, it comes down to what the court system says in your state. Don't put yourself in the wrong even if he is. Take him back to court for the money and your attorney fees to do so but I wouldn't make the decision for your kids to not have their father in their life. It will come back to haunt you.
As much as I hate the court system in family law I would still advise you follow it or you become just as guilty as he is depending on your state regulations in this matter.

Amanda - posted on 06/12/2012

As long as the parent is not a danger to the child then you have to let the child visit with the other parent.... Regardless it isn't about you, your feelings or what you feel is fair or not... it is about that child and in the long run if the child grows up and finds out you kept them from seeing their father over money, they will feel like they were your pawn you used to get your way, and it might backfire and cause a huge rift between you and your child. I speak from experience my mother kept me from my father for non-payment and because if he didn't want her he couldn't have me.....her and I don't have a relationship.... not just because of that, but that definitely had a major role in the rift between the two of us. You might be the mother, but who are you to keep your child from knowing and loving their father? What makes you think you have the right to keep your child from their father over money? I do not mean to make it sound so harsh, but think twice before you keep your child from their father, if he is truly a dead beat dad your child WILL figure it out on their own and decide not to have anything to do with Daddy in the long run, just don't give your child a reason to not want you in their life once they have become an adult...

Pam - posted on 06/12/2012

no but you have to go back to court unfortunately, and have DOR take it out of their check

Laurie - posted on 06/11/2012

They don't "deserve" to reap the benefits but a child deserves the love of both parents. In less they are a danger to your child, I would absolutely allow them to see each other. Believe me, I feel your frustration but some day your child will be an adult and understand the sacrifices you made. The love your child feels far outways the unfairness of it all. Life has a way of paying back those that take advantage, you don't need to keep score, it all comes out in the end.

Betty - posted on 06/07/2012

take that person to court in make them pay thats not that hard

Betty - posted on 06/07/2012

the should put that person in jile

Erin - posted on 06/07/2012

Yes in fact if a person only measures a parents worth according to a "paycheck" to buy that priveledge then what you have is the sale of a child to a parent. I cannot consider the thought of denying the right to the love of both parents, poor or not.

When we give moms who need our help welfair who have no jobs we don't say hey pay up some dough or we won't let you see your kids. It should work both ways. I promise roles reversed people would not see this as a reasonable idea. In addition most states won't allow the denial of visitation based on child support debt anymore so to refuse the parent any court order visitation can result in the custodial parent being imprisoned for contempt of court. If there is no court order than the father should not be paying any support unless they waive the right to visitation or have been found unfit. Otherwise I see no moral reaosn to deny the visits.

Shawnn - posted on 06/06/2012

Well, Marta, I'd have to ask you then, why do people living on welfare for years have more kids, when they obviously cannot afford them either?

Not being able to afford child support does not a bad father (or mother)make. Withholding visitation to enforce child support is pretty selfish. Been there, experienced that. Hindsight being what it is, I'd have made my hubby demand proof of paternity, and then ordered her to let him sign his parental rights away rather than watch him pay for a child that he was not allowed to know.