Question on mom taking a child

Amanda - posted on 09/21/2011 ( 96 moms have responded )

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I have a question can my mom take my 5year old daughter away from me if I move in with my boyfriend she's threatening to take her from me

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Louise - posted on 09/21/2011

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Your mother has no rights to remove your child from you but, if she has evidence of abuse or you are taking drugs or your partner is she can call welfare and make a complaint which will be acted upon. If you have done nothing wrong then you have nothing to worry about.

Antoinette - posted on 09/21/2011

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You can private message people from their profile page, under their profile pic.

As everyone else has said unless she can prove you are unfit then you should have no worries. My only additional suggestion is to keep in mind not to involve your daughter in negative conversations about the situation, you don't want her feeling like she is causing drama when it's adult issues and not her fault at all.

Kari - posted on 09/29/2011

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Please don't move in with someone you've only known for a month (if that is the case). I am sorry but that is not responsible when you have a little girl. If you do decide & can't help yourself by moving in with a boyfriend; don't leave her alone with him and be sure to watch how he behaves around her. You can't reverse time should something happen to her. Be sure he doesn't have a criminal record...especially one involving children. It breaks my heart when I hear about women moving in with men after a month or so with their babies and little girls and sexual abuse takes place. If you really like this man please do yourself and your daughter the service of making sure as best you can that he is respectful of you, hard working, responsible, and so much more. Make sure he is ready & willing be become a father/dad to a 5 year old little girl. Talk with him about parenting your child. It's hard work to be a parent. Make sure he understands the responsibility and the importance of being a good parent.
About your mom; if you can you should talk this out. Why does she feel this way? Why do you want to move in with this man (what's your motivation)? Just get the questions out there. Motivation might be a good question to ask everyone including yourself. What's your mom's motivation for the threat? What's your motivation for moving in with your boyfriend? What's your boyfriend's motivation for moving in with you.

Be Careful. For your daughter's sake and your own.

Constance - posted on 09/21/2011

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Can you and you Boyfriend take care of her? His he abusive to you or your daughter? Do you bath her, clothe her, take care of her when she is sick, make sure she gets to school if she is already going? If you can and are provding the basics and love to your daughter thn NO she can't. Your mom wants to control what you are doing. My mom tried the same thing whe me and my husband finally moved in together. By then we had 2 children. Mom's can hve a hard time letting go.

Melissa - posted on 09/24/2011

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Get a lawyer. Get a lawyer. Get a lawyer. I can't say it enough. I work with kids in foster care and guardianship orders etc. Help yourself out by getting legal advice before anything gets to child protective services. You can't and shouldn't tell everyone on this forum the whole story, but you should get legal advice. NOT JUST SUPPORT AND ADVICE FROM RANDOM STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET. Like me...

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96 Comments

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Judy - posted on 05/02/2012

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does she have custody orders? If not than no. she would have to take you to court. You are the mom. are you underage?

Amber - posted on 02/27/2012

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your mother has no legal right to take your child from you! i am sorry you have to deal with this!! please let us know what happens

Shawn - posted on 01/08/2012

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Not unless she can prove that there is illegal activity occurring there, or that he or you have endangered your daughter, or if your boyfriend has a past that shows abuse of children in anyway.
Do yourself a favor, journal every word, threat, whatever she says, date and time of when she says, and if possible get her to text you why she is threatening you this way. I know that the text thing sounds crazy but if you can get her to implicate herself in writing of any kind she is the one who'll end up losing.

Shawn - posted on 01/08/2012

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Not unless she can prove that there is illegal activity occurring there, or that he or you have endangered your daughter, or if your boyfriend has a past that shows abuse of children in anyway.
Do yourself a favor, journal every word, threat, whatever she says, date and time of when she says, and if possible get her to text you why she is threatening you this way. I know that the text thing sounds crazy but if you can get her to implicate herself in writing of any kind she is the one who'll end up losing.

Marcie - posted on 01/06/2012

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If you are an adult and can take care of her then no she can't do that,end of story.What it is is she can't face the fact that you don't need her to take care of what is yours anymore so she resorts to that.I had that thrown up in my face by my mom because of where i worked which yeah wasn't the best working place to be but dang it it help bring in money to support our family and she didn't like that at all so she thought she could threaten me with taking my daughter from us and i wasn't having it and let my mom know hey if you wanna waste your time and money on something that is a lose lose situation for you then fine but you would have to kill me first before you got any custody of my child!and she backed off after that.

Liz - posted on 01/01/2012

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I would like to know who is more important? Daughter or boyfriend? If you were to marry him that is a whole different ball game because than he can adopt. Is mom a bad mom or protecting your daughter from something?

Dusty - posted on 12/30/2011

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There are alot of things to consider here. First, your state's laws. Idk about where you live, but in Indiana, it's EXTREMLY hard to get a child taken from a biological mother. So, can you provide for your daughter? (Even with assistance) Has your boyfriend ever abused you or your daughter? Does he have any felonies against him for child abuse/neglect/etc? (I really don't think he has been abusive if you are still with him, but just asking to be safe) Your mother can't take her away just because she doesn't want you to move in with your boyfriend. Any judge in any state would laugh at her for even thinking that. As long as you can provide for your daughter, she is safe with you.

Jessica - posted on 11/06/2011

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The best thing you can do for your little one right now is not move in with this guy yet. Right now you need to be a mother first, your little girl needs you. If he loves you he will be willing to wait a couple of years. It maybe hard but our kids need us to put them first. We love our children first and we must put them at the top of the ladder. Do whats best for your child, its selfish to think of yourself and what you want.

Carlie - posted on 11/02/2011

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No. Not unless she has proof that you present some sort of harm or neglect to the child. She may use the "Grandparent Clause" on you. She does have rights under this clause. It is a true and binding clause. However, I would check the Childcare custody laws for your state. It may differ state-to-state. I would also NOT allow your mother to "help" arrange visitation for her grandchild-your daughter. Her "help" could be considered "abandonment" should she ever decide to take you to court, for whatever reason. You are your child's mother. If you decide, for again, whatever reason, to not allow your mother to see your child, then have your "ducks lined up first." If your mother is not harmful emotionally to your child, and you allow visitation between the two, then I would strongly urge you to consider supervised visits-with YOU being there. Make it on your terms. I'd advise you to keep things "proper" between your mother and you, regarding your relationship with your daughter. Don't allow your daughter to be included in this adult matter. Shield it from her without being dishonest. This is not something that should be held against your daughter. Meaning, unless your mother is a threatening criminal or evil, I would not keep your child from her, nor "trash" her. Instead, teach your child about differences in a close relationship and how we handle them. Good luck. You can do it. :)

Kat - posted on 10/30/2011

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OR IF SHE KAN PROVE YOUR BF IS INVOLVED IN ILLEGAL ACTIVITIES OR IS ABUSIVE TOWARDS EITHER ONE OF YOU....Girl IF you have nothing on your end or your bf's end that would give the court a reason to side with her, THEN i would tell HER that SHE is in danger of YOUR daughter being taking away from HER! Parents who are controlling like that just end up hurting the kids in the end. I live in the same house as my mom and she TRIES to put her 2cents in wen im disciplining or raising my voice at mine but i shut her down. Im not the kind to leave her all the time. She is my shadow. unless im working or she is in school WE ARE TOGETHER. So dont fret yourself if you KNOW there is no dirt on you or ur bf...please be careful as the other girls suggested, on who you move in with. My daughter is 10 and i have never had a relationship with anyone. I am too afraid of what kan happen. I know it sounds crazy but she didnt ask to be brought in the world i just PERSONALLY feel its my duty to do all i can to keep her safe and happy. I wish you will with your bf and hope your mom doesnt start something she will regret later on!

Kat - posted on 10/30/2011

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not unless u r doing drugs or other illegal activity OR seriously neglecting her in some way

Kyra - posted on 10/30/2011

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She would have to have a really good reason and probably would have to be able to prove some sort of neglect towards the child by you. Hopefully that is not the case.

Sarah - posted on 10/25/2011

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I also recommend that u run a background check on ur boyfriend because u can show ur mom and it proves to bss and the courts u r careful who u spend time with and allow around ur daughter

Sarah - posted on 10/25/2011

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u need to edit or delete any social networks u have. they can and will b used against u if this goes ass far as dss or the courts. so just b careful.

Sarah - posted on 10/25/2011

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u need to edit or delete any social networks u have. they can and will b used against u if this goes ass far as dss or the courts. so just b careful.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 10/16/2011

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Not unless there is an obvious danger to the child. Even then your mother would have to go through family court and prove that there was a reason to remove the child from your care.

But I would recommend on not moving in with your boyfriend until you're in a more stable relationship. This is more for the benefit of your child than for you. Your child needs to be the top priority

Michelle - posted on 10/16/2011

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The only way your mom can take your daughter is if your daughter is not living in a safe environment. I am not sure about where you live, but here, she would have to prove you are an unfit mom. If your daughter is well taken care of, your home is safe for a child, clean, she has a bed to sleep in, clothes on her back, and food in her stomach, and your BF is not abusive in any way towards you or your daughter. That is physical or mental abuse. Then you really don't have much to worry about.

Jamie - posted on 10/10/2011

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does he getimpatient w/ her?there might be warning signsshe sees,that you dont.just bc someone is right for you doesnt mean they are for your child

Cynthia - posted on 10/10/2011

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only a judge can take your baby! NO one else can. you could even fight DSS. all kind of ways to keep your baby. because ONLY a judge can change custody!

Christy - posted on 10/09/2011

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Uh, NO unless there are other things that have happened in the past (abuse to you or your child from him, drugs, etc).

Christy - posted on 10/09/2011

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Uh, NO unless there are other things that have happened in the past (abuse to you or your child from him, drugs, etc).

Clarissa - posted on 10/05/2011

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Does your mom have reason to take custody? Often the mother has legitimate reason to make such a statement. Neglect is also a form of abuse. Are you neglecting your child? How do you maintain a balance between your mother duaghter relationship and your boyfriend. Honestly my daughters know I will mess in any relationsship and take their children away if I felt uneasy about this boyfriend regarding the love attention and safety needs of your child. Lucky for you the justice system can swing both ways. Often mothers have empty nest syndrome and based on judgement on previous mistakes you may have had, it is only normal and responsible to threaten to take your child. The truth of the matter is how she does the procedure and why is your only argument in court.

Sammy - posted on 10/05/2011

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I've been exactly where you are right now. The only legal way she can take your daughter from you is to prove in a court of law that you are an unfit mother. I would suggest to you that you talk to your mother as to why she is making these threats. With my mother it was a control issue but it may be very different with your mother. If your mother does not have a good reason for making threats such as that I would go and talk to a lawyer. I don't know your exact situation or the circumstances surrounding your family dynamics, which can play a part in it but I would suggest talking to your mother and family first about it.

April - posted on 10/01/2011

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Beyond your mom's threats, It's so dangerous for a child's heart to move in and out of relationships. Above all you want to protect your daughter, her body, her feelings and you want to keep a heart bond with her. Wouldn't it be better to show her that she comes first and how important it is to make a life-long relationship commitment with someone before you move in with them? If your boyfriend is the right guy, he will understand that and will love you and her enough to either get married and become a family or to give you space to protect the unity of the family you have and protect your daughters heart. You are worth that and so is she.

Keri - posted on 10/01/2011

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Probably not. She can petition the court and try to prove you an unfit mother, but just because you're moving in with your boyfriend doesn't make you a bad mother. Does she believe he is an abuser, or a drug addict, or something worse? She HAS to be able to prove it IN COURT though

CHERYL - posted on 09/30/2011

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NO, is he abusive to you or your daughter? Does he do any drugs? You or him must be abusive to the lil girl,do drugs, keep the place nasty, leave the lil girl home alone would be the only way she could try to get her from you . But she has to have DFC do this not her. She must prove that you are a unfit mother to her , that your or the boyfriend is abusive to her, or he touches her in the wrong way.
other then that she's just mad at you and think she can say this to have you change your mind.

Andera - posted on 09/30/2011

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In Texas, there is no such thing as "Grandparent rights" they cannot take custody, they cannot require visits, they cannot do a thing about you taking your child anywhere. Now, where you're from I don't know the legal system, but its something to look into to ease your mind. Im almost certain its the same everywhere else. Grandparents are NOT considered custodial parents.

Stacey - posted on 09/29/2011

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she cnt take ur baby hun if ur moving in with ur boyfriend unless theres violence or a reason that the social services wud feel shed be better with her and then there has to be a good reason but as for her threatning to take her just for the sake ov it it wudnt happen dnt worry xxxx

Tracy - posted on 09/29/2011

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No she cant unless theres abuse.....you have to be careful though....make sure beyond a shadow of a doubt he is going to be good to your daughter!!!! Too many horror stories!!!

Kimmi - posted on 09/29/2011

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She can't take your daughter away from you at all unless she can prove that you are an unfit mother. As long as you are keeping her bathed, clothed, and all of her needs are taken care of you can take a deep breath and relax. Depending on the state you live in like I live in NY. You can go to the county court house and file for sole custody of your child. If no one is there to contest it then no one can touch her! Just keep your daughter with you for awhile. That means no visits to see Gramma for awhile and see if your mother changes her mind about going through with taking her from you. Your daughter is yours. You gave birth to her, your mother didn't. So it's that simple. If your mother does take her immediately call the police and get them involved. That would make it a domestic dispute but after you show them the birth certificate and you tell them that your mother has no right to take her. Your mother will have to give your daughter back to you! So please don't let her threaten you. And don't feel threatened by her. You have all the rights in the world because she is your child!

Cathy - posted on 09/28/2011

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I wouldn't think so not just because you are living with him. Maybe if the court would find him unfit for some reason,

[deleted account]

Maybe she sees something you don't. Has your boyfriend spent time in jail? If he's so great, why not marry him and then move in together? The most important thing is to set a good example for your daughter.

Glede - posted on 09/28/2011

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She has no legal grounds for taking your child away just because she doesn't like your boyfriend. If you were doing something to put your child in danger, or were an abusive parent, she may be able to petition the court for custody. If all moms who didn't like the men their daughters were dating could do what your mom is threatening, millions of women would lose their kids.

Alisha - posted on 09/27/2011

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I'm pretty sure not, unless she calls social services and they determine abuse or neglect.

Aileen - posted on 09/27/2011

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Unless there are drugs or abuse it is extremely unlikely a court would allow anyone to take your child away.

Annie - posted on 09/26/2011

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depends on your age and if you take good care of your child and how your boyfriend treats the child.

Susan - posted on 09/26/2011

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Get a Lawyer, in some states like Commonwealth of Virginia, living with a man that is not a family member or the child's father, makes you an unfit mother. Take the time now to get all your childs medical records and school records together in binders. Documnet conversations with your mother and journery your days. If your little girl is in school and your mother is on the pick up list. Have her removed. Put first check with a LAWYER in your area. Son churchs/groups have access to family laywers that can help you or advice free of charge.

Flo - posted on 09/26/2011

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Not unless it is an unsafe enviroment for you child. If it is not and you are a good mother than it sounds likt you need to take a few steps back away from your mom. I would never stand for someone to threaten to take my child away.

Clarissa - posted on 09/25/2011

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As long as you have a good job and there is no drama with you and your boyfriend, your mom can do nothing.

Angela Lynette - posted on 09/25/2011

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no not without going through court and she has a chance if she can prove the child is in an unsafe invorement that could cause the child harm

Pat - posted on 09/25/2011

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I don't know the legality of it but I don't think it will be good for your child.

Odine - posted on 09/25/2011

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As long as you're not an unfit mother, she can't. If you are an unfit mother, taking drugs, abusing your child, etcm, she can take you to court to ask the judge for custody. Moving in with a boyfriend isn't being an unfit mother. However, if your boyfriend has record or does illegal things then she can still file for custody. Good luck!

Chasmodai - posted on 09/25/2011

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Yes, I agree with Sandra. How old are you? Do you currently support and care for your daughter? If you are legally an adult and are being responsible and providing for your child's needs, you have nothing to worry about. If you are considering placing your child in an unfit situation or if you are not caring for your daughter competently, your mother has a legitimate concern. If you are an adult and you are taking care of your daughter, and if your intended home is fit for the daughter, then it sounds like your mother may be overly controlling. In that case, counseling may be in order, or it may be best to remove yourself and your daughter from the situation.

Kyleigh - posted on 09/25/2011

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as long as your providing a childs basic needs i dont see how she can.

Laurie - posted on 09/25/2011

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That depends...if she can prove that you are an unfit mother, or that the enviroment that you are placing your child in is a danger. You dont give enough information as to why should would say that.
I mean lets face it , someone should have taken poor Caylee away from her mother..As long as you act like a respectable mom and do not do anything to endanger your daughter..you should be fine

Sandra - posted on 09/25/2011

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how old are you ? is it a good invioment,partying drinking drugs ect. do you have a way to support your child?

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