question! please let me know ur opinion?!

Sarah - posted on 01/02/2010 ( 32 moms have responded )

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from recent posts that i have posted...i have been told by most moms not to have more then 1 or 2 kids bcus i cant afford it but do u think ur kids want ur love more or ur money!? i was just wondering if most of u think that money is more important...yes i know u have to buy food and stuff..but wherei live there is help for things like that and no its not welfare its a program for all moms of any age and of any income u can free food till a certain age. and as far as college would go there is this thing in my area where u can go to highschool and college at the same time. and u can get scholarships around my area and no u dont have to have staright a's to get them. idk where most ppl live but there are many things that u can get that will help large familys or even small. and its not welfare and u dont have to be only making 2000 dollars a month its for every1. i just wanted to know why most moms thing that having money for u?r kid is more important that actually showing the love...? if this all makes sense not tring to offend ne one..

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Krista - posted on 01/02/2010

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Quoting Sharon:

sooo hhmmm general consensus is you should be able to provide for the children you have before having more?


Pretty much. I'm not saying that you should have to be able to afford to give them designer crap and fancy electronics. But the basics of keeping them housed, fed, clothed? Yeah -- if you can't afford that, then you should be waiting until you can before you have them. Otherwise,  you're putting those children at huge risk. What if those programs get cut? Then what? Programs like that are a social safety net, meant to be used in circumstances where one temporarily cannot provide, like in cases of a job loss. They're not meant to be factored in as everyday income when considering whether or not to have kids. 

Julie - posted on 01/02/2010

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I know for us, I am at home with the kids and we are on a budget. My kids are both in many activities we would not be able to afford if we had more than two. There is hockey wich is the most expensive for us by far. Then there is swimming, music, karate, soccer and community center classes for the little one. Luckily they are both boys and they were born around the same time of year so it was easy to pass clothes down. Otherwise clothing and shoes can get very expensive too. I find that my in-laws who have 5 kids are not able to do any programs with their kids because they #1 don't have the money and #2 they would not be able to manage that kind of schedule. I also feel really badly for all the homework the parents have to help with at night. I find it hard with just one in school right now - I can't imagine when we have two in school! Hopefully the older one will be more independent by then. So these are the many reasons I think people chose to have smaller families now a days...

Renee - posted on 01/02/2010

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I can't speak for any other mom, but me being a 44 year old divorced single mother of 2 (including one child with autism) has taught me alot and that is very simple --- you have to provide for your children, food, clothing, shelter, etc. And if you are living on a very limited income then it is more stressful and complicated. No I don't think that moms are saying the money is more important BUT you can't feed a child love when they are hungry, heat when the house is cold or you can't love a child enough to magically put clothes on their bodies. If you are gainfully employed then why not, but life is expensive and when you work you have to provide child care and that definitely isn't free either, you cannot give the child care provider love for payment. I think this is what the other moms are trying to tell you - LIFE IS EXPENSIVE. So just be careful before you start having all these babies out of love for them, you still have to provide the basics for them.

Cathelijn - posted on 01/02/2010

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I am really not sure if I get what you are saying but all I can say is that it is important that you can look after your kids YOURSELF. Help from governments and special programmes are for people who really need and it is meant to be temporary it is not meant to be used as the reason why you have kids. You can have as many kids as you like but it is also important you can give them the best quality of live and having to struggle for money every month doesn't make anyone happy no matter where the money comes from..

Ashley - posted on 01/02/2010

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what i dont get is why would you let a bunch of strangers tell you whether you should have another child or not?!....that would be the day that i'd listen to what a bunch of mothers i dont even know make my decision on whether i should have another child or not. that would be the day that i'd let ANYONE tell me (besides my bf) i shouldnt have more children...........thats my personal opinion

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Sarah - posted on 01/02/2010

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CORRECT i would have to say this was a very good topic and i got lots of encouraging help...yes i guess if u call wic and programs like that welfare then whatever u say dude...but here in pennsylvania WELFARE ppl are those that are pretty much bums and live off food stamps and have like 20 kds just so they dont have to work...but thanks ne way...this was all on opinons and if that is ur opinion so be it...plus i dont consider two kids hard to raise and hard to afford when back in the old days no body really had ne thing no "programs" no nothing and they still all had more then 3 kids. and yet there was so much love in there family that they made it through hard times and everything...if u guys opinon on having one kid or two kids that is all up to u ..i also suppose that if u guys think that ppl have kids to look grown up i dont i dont think that and that is not what the post was all about...i would die for my child i would give her the world....ppl go through hard times and make it out of them...but im sure yes ppl should not have kids if they cant even feed thereselves or whatever...but u dont have to buy ur kids clothes every day u dont have to take them place Every day or buy them stuff everyday or go out every day...i would say if u were on a budget u could afford ne thing u want...i put my family on a budget and after me and my bf paychecks every 2 weeks we always have a tleast 1000 oursleves and to spend on our daughter.. which is pretty good for only being a teen plus living on our own...but thanks for the advice love to hear everyones opinon. and how ppl feel...but if u think about if u want to have 1 kid have 1 kid why worry about someone else...if i wanted to have 3 kids woo hoo ill have 3 kids..i would have ot say i learned alot and thanks again

[deleted account]

Quoting Jessica:

I didn't mean SHE was selfish and irresponsible, it was meant as a general statement. If she can effectively care for 10 kids, more power to her. Guess I should have elaborated on that one a bit. :P



My second post wasn't so much geared towards you Jessica but to another  two posts i read.I just feel no matter what our opinion may be its  always best worded in a respectful manner towards the poster.Instead of some mothers going off on one and being disrespectful.Your point will probably  be received well and give the poster something to think about without the need to go all claws  outs:)just my take on it.

Jessica - posted on 01/02/2010

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I didn't mean SHE was selfish and irresponsible, it was meant as a general statement. If she can effectively care for 10 kids, more power to her. Guess I should have elaborated on that one a bit. :P

[deleted account]

of course no one should be having children if the cant afford to take care of them that's a no brainier.this mother still has the choice to do as she feels.as other mothers who are asked to give our opinion if we are able to give this opinion in a respect way it would probably be received by Sarah in a very positive and helpful way to her..we don't have the right to stick a disrespectful worded response to her.even if it may be right.:)

Jessica - posted on 01/02/2010

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Quoting Sharon:

sooo hhmmm general consensus is you should be able to provide for the children you have before having more?


I'd say so.  It's just plain irresponsible and selfish to keep having kids you can't take care of.

Lauren - posted on 01/02/2010

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ummm sharon, lmfao is also txt speak, funny you say you dont do it, you just did.

Sharon - posted on 01/02/2010

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sooo hhmmm general consensus is you should be able to provide for the children you have before having more?

Robin - posted on 01/02/2010

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Here is my opionion, and I'm sorry it it offends you or anyone else, but if you can't afford to support another child yourself, without expecting taxpayers to foot the bill, then don't have them. If YOU choose to have children, then YOU should support them. And I agree with Kelly, if you are not married, you shouldn't be having more kids anyway. I have a daughter and was never married, but I also don't live on welfare. My family does help out, but I don't take advantage of them, and when my daughter was younger, I didn't expect them to babysit all the time. If I asked and they said no, then I either found other arrangements, or I just stayed home. And when I worked, I paid for daycare or worked in daycare where my daughter could be there for free since I worked there. I'm not saying money is more important than love, but you need to be responsible for providing for your kids and not expect someone else to do it for you.

Fiordaliza - posted on 01/02/2010

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Love, is the most important factor of them all when it comes to children but, if you not prepared to take care of a child you should not bring them to the world welfare and assistance programs are only temporary to you get on your feet, if you even considering taking care of your children in that form of matter then maybe you should be looking more into obtaining a career and waiting until you are all settled in for atleast 2 or 3 years and then the company will give you a maternal leave when the time comes for your child to be born. Please take your time and think things through before you have a mistake !!!

Sarah - posted on 01/02/2010

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I'm a 27 year old single mother of a 10 year old. Love is the most important thing in this world and I would love to have more children. That wouldn't happen until I'm married though. As Renee said LIFE IS EXPENSIVE!! I want to provide for my daughter more than just all my love.And I'm happy I can provide money for activities that are important to her like dance classes, Girl Scouts (I'm a leader and we do a lot of charity work), and ice skating- which might get pricy. Call me crazy but this is my opinion. I know a few mothers who would rather, work very little or not at all, who only can afford food and some cloths. When they could be providing more for their family, but choose not to.

Any help, no matter what kind it is Should Only be for people who Really Need it!!! Not just because you can get it. That's why there a lot of people who need help but aren't able to get it because others who just take what they think they should have first.And they show their children how to mooch too. I was on welfare and got wic- while I worked a 30 hr job, and then while I went to college. Now I work full time, have my own apt, car, and etc. I still have to work hard, life isn't easy and I'm thinking about some more training for another career because I'm not making enough and would some day like to own a home. If you want more children that's fine, its your family's life- enjoy. But instead of just taking what is available show your children that Hard Work pays off and show them you have to work for what you get in life.

Kelly - posted on 01/02/2010

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First of all, I have four children and I love a big family. We have friends with eight kids, and they are a beautiful family. I wouldn't have minded having a couple more in the middle; am getting too old now to have more but wouldn't mind adopting again (one of ours is adopted). I mostly stay at home (work just one day a week, 5-6 hours), and my husband doesn't make a huge amount of money but we get by. There are lots of ways to raise a big family without it being all about money. I shop at consignment shops, and make my own laundry detergent, etc. to save money. I don't feel money is the most important thing in raising a family, but stability is critical. Excuse me for being old fashioned, but I think you should be married first. I don't know why anyone would be an unmarried teen and plan a child at that time in life. I have known many kids that don't know who will pick them up from childcare each day, or whose house they will sleep at that night, because their parents (usually unmarried moms) are so busy with their life that they have aunts, siblings, grandparents and friends raising their kids for them. This is not fair to the kids or the family members who did not sign on for this. I don't think it is fair to kids to have different men in and out of their lives as "father figures". I realize this happens, and can't always be avoided, but I think it happens way too much. I also agree with Sharon (which doesn't always happen! LOL) that the programs you are describing are being paid for by someone other than yourself (taxpayers?) and are the same thing as WELFARE, no matter who they are available to, and what name your "area" puts on them. Someone else should not be paying the price to raise your children. Lastly, I don't believe in having an "only" child if it can be avoided, because in my (vast) experience I can honestly say I have found kids with siblings to be happier and much more "well-adjusted" as they grow up. In child care we would often refer to "only child syndrome" - OCS, to describe kids who invariably had "issues" growing up. That is just my looong winded opinion, hope it helps you and doesn't step on too many toes!

Sarah - posted on 01/02/2010

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thank u ladies for all ur help this was just a question to see how ppl feel no i dont plan on having alot ...maybe only 2 bcus i only have a 3 bdrm house. thanks for all ur advice. im sorry if i offended anyone.

Sarah - posted on 01/02/2010

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Quoting Sharon:



Quoting Sarah:




Quoting Sharon:

LMFAO!! This is a joke right?







 sorry u feel this way im 19 yrs old..i had a planned pregnancy and own my own car and my own house i have a fiance that makes great money at a full time job i graduated from highschool and i also went to college and am a licensed cosmetologist.  and still i was told not to have more then one kid...if that is not making it to u and u think its funny idk why u even wasted ur time having ur kids. ...my kid was not an accident i come from a loving family if u think it is funny ...then dont reply bcus that is very immature to me  thanks










I don't do "text speak" so I pretty much blew off your reply. 






but your PM to me was shorter...






If you think insulting my choice in procreation is going to hurt my feelings - then you should take your immature butt elsewhere and try someone else.



 






I don't care what you are, but claiming that having numerous children regardless of ability to provide for them and to rely on other WELFARE programs to provide for them is ludicrous.  GROW UP.  Why are there so many self indulgent babies posting to this forum?  GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE, MINE MINE MINE!!  I'M ENTITLED, I'M ENTITLED, I'M ENTITLED that is all I read from the children here.



This post was designed to be inflammatory and its a joke.






i was not implying welfare ifu actually read what i said i was talking about teenage programs for ppl like me...but u r on welfare and feel this way i respect watever u do... and i dont think having 2 kids is having "numerous kids"  but if it is then u have a shit load...and if u think that is text talk whatever u think...i dont text talk i dont even text thats for kids thanks....but apparently u do since u know how to do it.. but whatever u think :) joke all u want i dont think kids are jokes!

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hello.no one can tell you to have or not have kids that's your choice.of course love is most important but money is to well to a certain point i believe in the basics for my children and i don't go over doing it on toys and clothes etc or the latest in buggies.i make sure i have the right amount of everything required for my little ones and if you have that your doing well.I have seen kids who's parents have alot more than myself who have it all but there time to kick around a football with them or teach them to cycle a bike.time spent with our kids is priceless and life is how ever expensive as you make it..we all need help sometimes when needed so don't feel ashamed of getting help from others.just to add there are many different types of moms on here some who wouldn't think your post was a joke like me.well i guess that's because i don't think i am more intelligent and need to prove it to other moms or feel i am above any other mother.some moms need to come back down to earth and show this mother some respect..despite your opinion or how ever right or wrong it is.good luck Sarah.

Sandra - posted on 01/02/2010

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Your reasons for having children are not for show to your friends to make you feel grown up, they are because you love children and want to share that love. There is nothing "wrong" with having more than one child. My momma always said that if you wait until you can afford it, you will never have any. She had 8 and we were all loved and cared for. I had 3 and after the third one, I knew I didn't want to have any more. Sometimes I wish I had another. If you have all that love to give and only have one child, you will always wonder what it would have been like to have another, or another 2. You do what is right for you. Having an only child is not without it's problems. I've known people who were only children and they were somewhat lonely. Have your babies. Keep yourself healthy so you can properly care for them. Love them and give them a good life, filled with love, not things. The decision is yours, no one elses. God Bless you little momma and God Bless all of the little babies you bear and love.

Savannah - posted on 01/02/2010

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I would also like to say that my son has all his needs met. Baby's need love but people are right, they have needs that cost money. I just wanted to clarify that my son is very well cared for in every aspect of his life.

Savannah - posted on 01/02/2010

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Love is most important, I agree. I have a son and even though we dont have much money, my husband and I love him with every fiber of our beings. We do want more children...I would like 2 more boys :D...it all comes down to what you and your fiance decide on. if you want to have more then one then go for it, but don't stretch yourself thin. I mean dont have so many that some feel less loved then others. My friend is one of 13 and I know he felt less loved then his brother growing up. So do what you feel is right, but make sure there's enough love to go around!!

Tatiana - posted on 01/02/2010

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I think you're right, I would love to have another baby, my issue is that I'm back at school and it would be hard for me to have a baby now...my husband and I have decided to wait a few more months.

Jessica - posted on 01/02/2010

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Love is more important than money, but it takes decent money to give them the life they deserve. Please don't be one of those people who keeps having kids because someone else is paying for it. My sister-in-law is like that and it makes me sick. Really, the only person who can tell you how many children you can have is yourself. It is definitely important to look at the financial aspect of it first because you want to be able to give your child (or children should YOU decide you want more) every opportunity you can possibly give them. Mine wasn't planned and I'm working my butt off getting a degree I should have had years ago and doing my best to get to where I can give my daughter the kind of life she needs. I do plan on having more because I know my husband and I will make enough money to take excellent care of all of them. But now you have a child, you can look at the basic financial requirements and decide from this experience if you think you can handle more. I hope that helps.

Cori - posted on 01/02/2010

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just because you love kids doesnt mean you have to have 20 of them.. why not have a couple and love them more instead of trying to spread your love between a herd of children? my husband and i only plan on having 2 kids because we dont want more kids than we have arms for. its not a financial thing is a lifestyle thing, and if 20 kids fit into your lifestyle then go for it i guess.. everyone is going to have their opinon but you dont have to listen to them.

Sarah - posted on 01/02/2010

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Quoting Crystal:

if you want to have another kid then thats your choice don't go listing to people on here telling you that you should..it should be you and your hubands/boyfriends choice..And whats so wrong with welfare? It helps any moms inneed of help. But the answer to your question..No money is not the most impornant thing. Love is. but yes with new babys there will be things you will need money for. so make sure you are ready and at least have some kind of money saved up.



yes this was pretty much what i was trying to say...see i had a planned pregnancy the first time so we were all prepared b4 she was even conceived with still getting things here and there along the 9 months till she was born.  thank u for ur opion and not saying what i was asking was ajoke like that one lady.  yes i dont plan on having another kid till im like 22 and she is like 3 or 4 so i know that everyhting will be worthwhile and i can spend time and show love for my daughter.

Sharon - posted on 01/02/2010

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Quoting Sarah:



Quoting Sharon:

LMFAO!! This is a joke right?





 sorry u feel this way im 19 yrs old..i had a planned pregnancy and own my own car and my own house i have a fiance that makes great money at a full time job i graduated from highschool and i also went to college and am a licensed cosmetologist.  and still i was told not to have more then one kid...if that is not making it to u and u think its funny idk why u even wasted ur time having ur kids. ...my kid was not an accident i come from a loving family if u think it is funny ...then dont reply bcus that is very immature to me  thanks






I don't do "text speak" so I pretty much blew off your reply. 



but your PM to me was shorter...



 



If you think insulting my choice in procreation is going to hurt my feelings - then you should take your immature butt elsewhere and try someone else.



 



I don't care what you are, but claiming that having numerous children regardless of ability to provide for them and to rely on other WELFARE programs to provide for them is ludicrous.  GROW UP.  Why are there so many self indulgent babies posting to this forum?  GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE, MINE MINE MINE!!  I'M ENTITLED, I'M ENTITLED, I'M ENTITLED that is all I read from the children here.



 



This post was designed to be inflammatory and its a joke.

Sarah - posted on 01/02/2010

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Quoting Cathelijn:

I am really not sure if I get what you are saying but all I can say is that it is important that you can look after your kids YOURSELF. Help from governments and special programmes are for people who really need and it is meant to be temporary it is not meant to be used as the reason why you have kids. You can have as many kids as you like but it is also important you can give them the best quality of live and having to struggle for money every month doesn't make anyone happy no matter where the money comes from..



thanks for ur opinon ya after i read what i wrote i realise what i was trying to say was not in there.  i couldnt find the right words...and yes i understand what u mean...i was only meaning like to have 2 kids  but in recent post that i got i was told dont have more then one....i know the programs that u are talkign about its just the programs around my area arent for low income or anything like that they are mainly for like teens or young parents like me.  thanks for ur opinon...!:)

Crystal - posted on 01/02/2010

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if you want to have another kid then thats your choice don't go listing to people on here telling you that you should..it should be you and your hubands/boyfriends choice..And whats so wrong with welfare? It helps any moms inneed of help. But the answer to your question..No money is not the most impornant thing. Love is. but yes with new babys there will be things you will need money for. so make sure you are ready and at least have some kind of money saved up.

Sarah - posted on 01/02/2010

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Quoting Sharon:

LMFAO!! This is a joke right?


 sorry u feel this way im 19 yrs old..i had a planned pregnancy and own my own car and my own house i have a fiance that makes great money at a full time job i graduated from highschool and i also went to college and am a licensed cosmetologist.  and still i was told not to have more then one kid...if that is not making it to u and u think its funny idk why u even wasted ur time having ur kids. ...my kid was not an accident i come from a loving family if u think it is funny ...then dont reply bcus that is very immature to me  thanks

Catherine - posted on 01/02/2010

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in my opinion you and your partner need to know the amount of kids u have can all have some one on one attention as apart from food and cloths is the most important thing and they they are all wanted, i don't have much money but i give my kids all i can and the love and time they need, where as my friend has more kids and money but no time for the kids and which are happier mine xxxx

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