request to give up paternal rights?

Aleisha - posted on 09/24/2010

Also, I will add that my daughters father signed off all rights on her when she was 8 months old and I live in New York. No one adopted her. Also, to add even though he signed off all rights he still is court ordered to pay child support, and still is on the birth certificate. It is different in every state, so no more fighting over it. All Jessi did was ask a simple question. What you need to do Jessi depending on which state you live in you need to contact a lawyer or law guardian if you can not afford one and speak with them on what your options may be.

Aleisha - posted on 09/24/2010

I have been in the same situation with my daughters father. except he himself decided to sign off all rights. I mean what would be the point of him not agreeing to sign off all rights anyways it seems that clearly he don't care, because if he did he would make a effort, and wouldn't keep things from you. It will probally be better in the long run for you and your child anyways. It would keep the stress and tension away from you and your childs relationship of having to worry about if he is going to run in and out of your childs life. And when your child gets older if they want to know who their real father is they will have the chance to find out. That's my opinion hope it is helpful.

Su - posted on 09/24/2010

Within all of us is an inbuilt desire to know what makes us who we are , ultimately it's not about money but about what is best for your child both now and in the future. If you terminate his parental rights he will still be your sons Father nothing can change that.

Just Me, Plain And - posted on 09/24/2010

If he gives up his paternal right, he will be no longer responsible for him.
Why not let things be.The universe has a way of righting things even when
we don't know how to. What's important right now is already in place. You get
support for him, which is a help to you. You can't make him be a part of his life.
Certainly, why would you want to force someone who has to be force to be a man
by being there for his son, outside of the financial support or help...

LaRaine - posted on 09/24/2010

To an extent I guess I was in the same boat as Ms. Johnston, although, I didn't take it upon myself to judge you and your decisions, that is not for me to do. I surly hope my statements were not offensive to you, I merely hoped to offer some insight into the long-term. Who knows, as soon as this guy gets out of the army, what will he be paying? You will more than likely have to track him down and have him arrested to collect anything. I agree that you should continue to get whatever the Army forces this guy to pay, especially if he feels he should singlehandedly populate the earth!!! Why should you and your son suffer for his shortcomings? I hope you do not think that I was implying you are not able to provide for your child, I just realize from experience (my daughter was a single parent for quite a while, and I am the product of a deadbeat father, who NEVER paid a dime of child support, even though we nearly starved as children) if he doesn't care about the consequences of his actions., it is irrelevant to you, I feel you and your child especially deserve EVERYTHING you can get, and in once sense, I agree with Ms. Johnston, if you don't feel like you want to take the money, put it in a trust for your child, for emergencies, or his college or whatever!! Not that you won't be able to do things for him, but 'what ifs' happen all the time...........

Jeanine - posted on 09/24/2010

I am going through a similar situation. I feel this whole time I've been so overly concerned with my twins' father's feelings and his rights as a father and not what is best for my children. My children have been living a peaceful and stable life without him and every once in a while he'll show some interest -- usually a short lived guilt trip-- where he leaves our lives in such a state of disarray. Bottom line he is an extremely irresponsible and emotionally unhealthy man who will not share in the financial and emotional responsibility of his children. There will always be an open door if he decides to get his life together, but for now I need to secure my decision making power. With having paternal rights he can, out of nowhere, decide to assert some outlandish scheme to disrupt our lives through the courts ( this has already been done) and a parent with legal rights can SAY ANYTHING and it will be brought before a judge. When things are unsettled it can be adjourned and adjourned--- anyway you have to do what is correct---important decisions regarding a child's life should only be decided by the ones who choose to be involved in the best interest of the child. P.S. Don't loose sight of the importance of your own strength and sanity. If the decision will give you more peace of mind you will have more to give your child.

Lorna - posted on 09/24/2010

What difference would it make,let him go and when your son is old enough and wants to know what happened let him know.

Andreina - posted on 09/24/2010

and if he gives up parental rights you will not be allowed to recieve any government help!!!

Andreina - posted on 09/24/2010

giving up parental rights is a longer process than you may think.
my friend is going through it right now... you have to get a lawyer and take it up in family court. he actually has to sign papers stating he doesnt want rights, then he has to tell a judge in court that he doesnt want to be the kids father, that he wants no right over him and answer the judges questions.

Kimberly - posted on 09/24/2010

Yes indeed he does fall under the term Sperm donor!. Lol!!!!!!!!!

Charlotte - posted on 09/24/2010

if you and Ur ex not married then you got 100% over your child and if he not on birth certificate they he has no rights over your child x

Bambi - posted on 09/24/2010

i have to agree w/ the sperm donor chick. i also refer to my daughter's father as the same because he has no desire to take any responsibility for his child. in fact, after we broke up he's gone out and had 3 more children w/ 2 different women and doesn't support any of them. thats a SPERM DONOR, NOT a father.

Kimberly - posted on 09/24/2010

He is the father yes!, ( I've been in that same situation)! however you can leave the door open so to speak, your wondering if you should get him to sign over his parental right, You are the Mom & that is all he needs till someone who is willing to step up an take on deed. The father may make his promises & he may fail to keep them however let the child see it for theirselves leave that big decision up to the child. Let the child be the one to disown the father,

Elizabeth - posted on 09/24/2010

giving up paternal rights means he is no longer responsible for that child. No child support no health care { if he is cover by tricare under the father} Look at what you think is best for the child and then present the father with what you decide. The father has to give up his rights, no law will force him to. in my opinion its good to know where his father is & at least remeber to keep his name written down no matter what you decide because when they get older they are going to want to know who their father is. My husbands father walked out before he was 1. even though he was NEVER there and he knows he is a deadbeat he still tries to find him with no luck yet.

Eileen - posted on 09/24/2010

Do not ask him to give up parental rights or you will not get any more child support from army or otherwise. Your baby will grow up and know the looser has not been part of their lives and will not even regard him as his father. Been there done that. My son is now 26 and does not even try to contact his dad and could care less about the idiot. My son looks at my husband as his dad and calles him dad. Collect all you can because you need it to support your babe. Good luck!

Elizabeth - posted on 09/24/2010

Sorry, can't play the single mom card with me, I was there, AND had two children I was raising by myself. IT took the state of VA working with AZ 5 years to finally get the child support straight, so I have been there. It sucks. I never used any form of government assistance, because there was a 3 year waiting list for housing, and I made too much money for any type of assistance for food or rent or anything. SO I have been there, done all of that. IF more fathers were held accountable, instead of "some" single mothers doing the "right" thing and not going after the father, Maybe there wouldnt be so many babies out there in need.

Robesonia - posted on 09/24/2010

he is the father of thing child regodless of what he have or have not done.

Heidi - posted on 09/24/2010

I would check the laws, you might not qualify for child support if the rights are terminated. I know this was an issue with my sister in law whose ex went to prison. The final result was NO visitation or contact, but the judge didn't terminate his rights so that he would have to continue to pay child support.

Amy - posted on 09/24/2010

Hello, I have worked in family court in TN for about 10 years now, and I have learned that in most states, courts will not remove parental rights unless there is another who wants to adopt or if the biological father is grossly unfit. So for example, if you are married to someone else now who wants to adopt the child and everyone agrees, then the court would probably do that. Courts just don't like to leave children without a parent, and once his rights are terminated, he has no further rights OR responsibilities legally.

Veronica - posted on 09/24/2010

i agree Jessi God forbid people think a woman today can take care of herself and a child with the help of the government and a man. I worked as a home health nurse and took care of my kids and my ex husband when his sorry butt wasn't in jail again till I finally thru him out and met my current husband almost 9 yrs ago. I hate how most assume because you are a single mom you rely on gov. aide and child support i got 20 a month from my oldest sons father what did that really cover tylenol when he was teething lol good luck again sweetie

Marla - posted on 09/24/2010

my husband is in the army as well and he got a female pregnant after 2 yrs past she finally went after him for child support, he didn't even know she i was pregnant, he went to the support office to do his paper work and to ask about giving up his rights, but they told him that in the state of KY both parents have to be involved in the childs life, so my husband tried many many times to see his son, before we moved to a new duty station, but she would never let him see the child which to me is wrong, if a man is paying child support and wants to be part of the childs life, then why deny him that right, so we went back to the child suppport office and explained to them that see wont let him see the child, you know told my husband that is her right if she wants him to see the child as long as my hubby pays the support, thats how he is involved in his life.... i do think that is wrong cause now this lil boy is 8 yrs old and has idea who his father is because the mom wouldn't let him get involved, he also has 4 other brother and sisters that he will never get to know!!!

Jessi - posted on 09/24/2010

elizabeth johnston - you need to wake up! i have been supporting myself and child on my own, his father hadn't even started paying until this july. so next time you want to give "advice" think about what you say before you open your mouth! not all young single moms sit at home and do nothing and just collect money from the government. i have been raising my child on my own, was in the army, now making $20/hr and as of oct will be going back to school to get my AAS in Veterinary Technology. wasn't what you were expecting was it? oh and you obviously didn't read my entire question because you would've noticed that he has another child with another woman in another state and (this wasn't in my statement but i'm going to tell you anyway) while i was 7 or 8mos pregnant he had another pregnancy scare so i highly doubt he's going to think twice! and as for where my mother is....she AND my dad are supporting my decisions and have both gone downtown with me to speak with the child care agency and even my dad suggested i request to revoke the fathers rights.

LaRaine - posted on 09/24/2010

You need to realize, if your son's biological father signs away his parental rights, you will most likely cease getting child support. Considering he has not made any attempts to see his son, nor apparently cause you any trouble, what would be the reason for requesting this? If you are married to someone who wants to adopt your son and be a real parent to him, then it would be better for all concerned, to request this. The sperm donor (I WILL call him that, no matter how appealing he may have been at the time, he is NOTHING more than that, by his own choice) would more than likely be willing to do this to be freed from his monetary and moral obligations. What it all boils down to is what is better for the chid? If you burn bridges, e.g. losing support, and later in your child's life he has a medical problem which you cannot afford provide sufficient care for, or you are less able to support him than you are now, would it not be better to have that option? My daughter adopted her sons, the courts in MO wouldn't permit the biological mother to relinquish her parental rights unless their father was married. She was supposed to pay child support, rarely did, rarely saw the children, it was an emotional roller coaster for them. They now have a stable life, a wonderful mother and don't even recognize her(biological mother) if they see her in a store or restaurant. It doesn't matter to the children that there is something lacking in the parent who abandons them, nor the circumstances surrounding the abandonment, just that they were abandoned. The fact that they have a parent who loves them, possibly another who CHOOSES to be their parent is the MOST important thing to impress on them. I agree the g/f's of this person are of no concern to you, even if he were to marry one of them and started seeing your son, they would be his step parent, no choice in the matter for you. All you can do is ensure your child is safe and well cared for. Move on, and provide the best possible life for you and your child, it is ridiculous to try and force a relationship with a person who is not able to be an adult and meet his obligations without force. How you handle the situation will determine your son's attitude toward his biological father's lack of ability to parent him. It has to be painful to you to have trusted someone enough to produce a child with him, only to be rejected by him. DON"T let the rejection seep into your child's psyche and eat away at him like it is at you. He apparently is not worth the effort. Your child IS! He DESERVES to be loved, protected and cherished!!!

Elizabeth - posted on 09/23/2010

Children need clothes, food and a place to live. OF COURSE... SIlly me.. never mind, the government will pay for your healtcare, food and clothes if you dont want to be responsible and pay for it, or make the father take care of his responsiblities!! So then.. You don't need him. WAKE UP!!! Collect the support, and put it in an account for the child. THE CHILD.. has every right to the money. IF the father does not want to be part of his life. that is the FATHERS problem. try explaining to your son, im sorry, we can do this on our own, so we don't need milk today. OR water, or a place to live. Maybe the FATHER will think twice about making more babies that he dosent want to take care of. Grow a backbone!! Be a strong woman that your son can look up to and stop letting people walk all over you!!!!! Where is your mother?? If you were my daughter, we would be at the courthouse getting all the support that child is entitled to, day care, medical, support..... If he wants to sign his rights, let him pay for the attorney and everything that goes along with it, YOU have more important things to do, like getting an education AND taking care of that baby. Good luck and God Bless you and that baby.

Cacie - posted on 09/23/2010

I am in the same boat as you. The only difference is that I was married to my daughter's biological father. He decided he didn't wish to be married anymore, and left us both to move back to Texas (where his family lives) this was this last Christmas. My daughter was 3 and in a week will be turning 4. He just didn't want to be married anymore. He now has a new girlfriend and is so in love with her, (The week before our divorce was final he asked when the day it would be because he wanted to ask her to marry him.)

In this last year he hasn't bothered to call her and hasn't sent her anything (though he has text me to inform me he will be sending her a birthday present but I haven't seen it yet.) That is all I get from him is a text once every other month or so. i have got to the point if it isn't about my daughter I don't even bother to respond.

He hasn't paid his child support because he is working under the table as a self-contractor. I also talk to his ex who is a really good friend of mine and she also has a little girl that is 3 years older then my daughter. She has tried to have him sign his rights over (which amounts to him giving her up for adoption.) but he won't, because he hopes to one day be the father they need (he doesn't realize you cannot choose when to be a father).

I have since met a wonderful man who treats us both very well, my daughter calls him daddy and I don't believe she remembers my ex husband. I haven't asked him to give up his rights because I plan to use the child support that is accumulating (even if he isn't paying it now one day he will have to or go to jail) to help her through school. I also want her to know the truth when she is older that I didn't force him to do anything, that all that has happened was because he chose to do it.

One of my favorite quotes and I have no idea who said it, is it takes sperm to make a baby but it takes a parent(s) to make a person.

Even if he doesn't sign his rights over you can still remarry and you should be able to change your sons name when you do. (I believe he would have to show up to court and contest it, which it doesn't sound like he would.) Just know that you are doing what is right for your son and that is all he will care about when he is older. He will respect you for raising him through all the hardships and he will know the true nature of his biological father.
Good Luck!

Jessi - posted on 09/23/2010

pamela - i met his father while stationed in texas (i was also in the army). his father decided that getting laid was more important to him than taking care of his children (no matter the distance). he has used every excuse in the book with me but i know from experience and my families experience what to expect from the u.s. military. i have spoken with his commander and even his commander was shocked to hear that he wasn't taking part (changed companies 3 times in 9mos). i have been told from his own mother he was denying my child but apparently he also did that with his oldest as well. he recently returned from his 1st deployment (10mos in iraq) and was supposed to come meet my son. i told him we would be out of the country the last 2wks of august so he would be able to plan accordingly and even gave him flight and hotel information.....never came, never called. this has been going on for over the last 2yrs now. but thank you for your advice! i do appreciate it!

and for all of you who have given me HELPFUL and ENCOURAGING ADVICE.............I thank you as well!

Pamela - posted on 09/23/2010

Post another comment No he will not.

Pamela - posted on 09/23/2010

Your sons father is in the army and you would be asking your son to give up what could be is right if his father was killed over their. I would wait until his father gets home, an see what happens, the army changes them, an they grow up a little. Just wait until he gets home before you do any thing.

Jill - posted on 09/23/2010

my 2cents is to not ask him to give up his rights b/c your son is receiving some benefit(child support) and can be used for his college education :) unless you have a soon to be husband that potentially would adopt your son, would be the only reason to ask the child's father to give up his rights. Just my opinion...good luck :)

Kimberly - posted on 09/23/2010

I don't think it's WRONG of you to ask, if that's what you really want. Granted he has to agree to do it. You will also lose your child support if that is something you depend on.

Christine - posted on 09/23/2010

If he is not on the birth certificate, he has very limited rights. You could ask him to sign over his rights, and if he wont, document everything that he has done ( or not done) since your son was born. Bring him to court to get sole physical and legal custody and have eveything you've documented ready to show. He wont get a thing and you and your son can move on without any worries. Good luck!

Jessi - posted on 09/23/2010

@ Rosemary Keller - did you happen to notice that i am the 1 who posted the question AND the comment of which you replied to? Are you calling me a scam artist or are you simply not paying attention and reading too far into things? And again (for the 4th time now) I DON"T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT WHO HE IS WITH. my point was if he cannot tell me something so minor how can i trust him with my child's life?



People - get over the G/F and C/S! THANK YOU! i am only looking for advice whether it's for or against asking him to give up his rights. not for people to read too far into things and creating their own little fairy tale!



Rosemary Keller - posted 3:15 pm

.peeps here are hung up about child support Jessi because she is asking about parental rights and having them taking away. she said he pays from the army for child support. and everyone's concern is that once she takes away his legal rights as a dad then all money goes down the drain and she is left fighting and struggling to raise her baby. thats why cuz everyone is concerned and thinks she is doing this cuz of cash. its all about the money nowadays and not once has she said or typed that she can financially support her child without his cash assistance. and if he is in the military then thats also a reason why he hasnt been around. she hasnt said if he is or isnt still in the army. she just typed that she gets money from the army BUT the birth certificate doesnt have his name on it so how is the army paying for it? they only pay for wives and also ya still need a birth certificate with his name on it for their records or it seems like a shady scam. peeps nowadays are looking for the quick fix and the financial quick help. and this could easily be one of those examples. so therefore people are concerned about her financial matter. she though is hung up about who he is with and she shouldnt be. its not her business and esp since he hasnt seen his baby and hasnt brought no girl around his baby then it shouldnt matter. it looks like a devious act of childish behavior. and thats why peeps are concerned.

Alicia - posted on 09/23/2010

In some states you have to have someone there ready to take over rights on your child. Legally your ex has no rights to your child. 1st and foremost paternity would have to be established for there to be paternity rights. I would just let it go if he is not trying to see your child and if he wants to then I would get a lawyer and go from there. As of right now he is looking at "abandonment" so it would be long time before he got rights. Honestly I wouldnt even try to involve him or his family. My son is 9 and has nothing to do with his dads side of the family. Best of luck.

Stephanie - posted on 09/23/2010

i asked my daughter dad to sign away his rights he refused to do so, so i took him to court and told the judge that hes not there and i dont want my daughter to have to play a wait and see game for her dad to choose to be in or life when he was ready to grow up and the judge stripped him of his rights and then raised my child support now i know that not usually normal but i siggest at your next child support hearing you bring it up to the judge and see what he say to you good luck

Jessi - posted on 09/23/2010

melissa - to answer you question, no he is not receiving any military benefits although his father was ordered to provide benefits he has not enrolled his older son or mine in deers.

Martina - posted on 09/23/2010

yea you doa s now she is his step parent ... she has a role in his life ... i was just giving you advice from experience ... ive been in your position and its not an easy one to be in .,.... i would suggest to you that you listen to all advice then decide which is the best for your situation ...... its not easy being a parent at any time .... but one step at a time and you will get it right for you and your child ..... good luck as its the most difficult one to do ..... we dont have the option over here in australia to cut the parental rights ...... and even if we did .... that decision should be best left for the last option available .,.... (my opnion which may be wrong for you as i dont know all of your situation) just keep leaving the door open for him .... and hope that hewill be man enough to step through that door to your son ...... and you never know .... maybe one day your son just may step through that door and start it ...... onbly u will know after taking everything into consideration .... good luck

Jessi - posted on 09/23/2010

martina - as i have stated previously in a reply message "i could give a shit less about his girlfriend". my whole point (which i should've clarified and i didn't so i apologize) was that if he can't tell me something minor how can i trust him with my child. and should he ever get married i have a right to atleast now about my son's step mother.

oh and i cannot write him or call him b/c he has given me 2 false addresses and no longer has a phone.

Jessi - posted on 09/23/2010

rosemary - actually i didn't "fuck myself over" as you put it......he fucked himself over. legally i was not and am not able to put his name on my son's b/c b/c that would be falseifying (sp?) legal documents. the hospital and state both told me inorder for his father's name to be on the certificate HE needed to sign the paperwork and since he wasn't present for my son's birth nor did he file any paperwork his name cannot be on it. and even though he is legally responsible (ordered by the state of new york) he failed to appear for his genetic testing so until he finally has his test conducted he cannot even request that his name be added.

Melissa - posted on 09/23/2010

also, kids are relatively expensive when they're little, but they get even more expensive as they get older... activities and ALL KINDS of other things. So, you may be financially fine now, but realize that may change in 10 years.

Martina - posted on 09/23/2010

From first hand experience i would let go of the fact that he has a girlfriend ..... at this stage she is not relevant .... if you want this man to have a relationship with your son ..... then let the g/f go ... you and him are now co-parents to this child .... nothing more .... so if he has a g/f ... that has nothing to do with you .... now having said that .... if i were you .... i would write him a letter telling him how it would benefit the child to have him as an active father in his life ...... give him the option to decide if thats what he wants ... dont base it on whether or not he has a g/f ... otherwise he will never have anything to do with the child if he believes that you want to still be a part of his life. This is about the child ... so keep it this way .... how do i know .... ive been where you are .... my sons father died before my son ever got to meet him ...... don't push the man away from your child just becuase you feel you have the right to know about his personal life .... this is your childs relationship with his father .... and that is more importnt than anything else ......its not easy too NOT to be anti him ... when my son asked why his father didnt see him ... I told him he was working too hard .... he didnt know what to do with a young child ....... enough of the truth so the child didnt hate him .... and never say anything bad about his father to him .... remember .... he is half his father ......

Melissa - posted on 09/23/2010

i've not read all the other responses so maybe you've covered this already, but you mentioned Army... is your son receiving benefits as a military dependant? Are any of those worth thinking about to keep? just food for thought.

Rosemary - posted on 09/23/2010

peeps here are hung up about child support Jessi because she is asking about parental rights and having them taking away. she said he pays from the army for child support. and everyone's concern is that once she takes away his legal rights as a dad then all money goes down the drain and she is left fighting and struggling to raise her baby. thats why cuz everyone is concerned and thinks she is doing this cuz of cash. its all about the money nowadays and not once has she said or typed that she can financially support her child without his cash assistance. and if he is in the military then thats also a reason why he hasnt been around. she hasnt said if he is or isnt still in the army. she just typed that she gets money from the army BUT the birth certificate doesnt have his name on it so how is the army paying for it? they only pay for wives and also ya still need a birth certificate with his name on it for their records or it seems like a shady scam. peeps nowadays are looking for the quick fix and the financial quick help. and this could easily be one of those examples. so therefore people are concerned about her financial matter. she though is hung up about who he is with and she shouldnt be. its not her business and esp since he hasnt seen his baby and hasnt brought no girl around his baby then it shouldnt matter. it looks like a devious act of childish behavior. and thats why peeps are concerned.

Rosemary - posted on 09/23/2010

http://74.6.117.48/search/srpcache?ei=UT...,57016731&icp=1&.intl=us&sig=JyUtuxQzU3RjqJMNtKEhRA--


thats a website you need to check out about involuntary giving up parental rights. and always remember he has rights too as a dad. he can take you to court on fraud charges and say that you raped him or that he isnt the dad cuz you didnt place his name on the birth certificate. as i said you f***ed yourself over by not doing so and the army can cancel out at any time because soon they will be asking for legal proof that he is the dad in order for him to keep paying. and hello being paid isnt dropping his rights. my daughter doesnt get a single dime from her dad. and plus as a parent i too made certainty that he hasnt paid because if you knew my situation then you would know why i dont want my daughter's father's money. i wont take blood money.

Rosemary - posted on 09/23/2010

the term " sperm donor" is more recognized in homes of wedded family members. i use it when i discuss my daughter's father and my mom said it about my dad. but dude you are the one who mentioned your situation and if someone wants to make a comment about not calling your child's dad " sperm donor' then you cant get mad. its a public forum and you posted your business for the world to read. so dont playa hate.

Rosemary - posted on 09/23/2010

here's how i look at it: when the child becomes a teen then the child will definitely have daddy issues fo sho. the child will ask about his dad. now let his dad do something horrible like forget another b-day/ holiday and see what he does.
about his family- always and i mean always keep them around. just cuz he is no good doesnt mean ya take it out on his family.
okay so why isnt his name on the birth certificate? ya know he can fight ya in court for not doing that and your baby doesnt have to share his dad's last name but hell without having his name on the birth certificate then you're just messing up your child's life. cuz if you need that child support lets say cuz your financial status changes or his family turns on you then you need to get him to show he is your baby's dad. once that is proven then cut ties with him.

Elizabeth - posted on 09/23/2010

If YOU don't want his money, why not put it in an account for the child? Just because you feel like you dont need the support now, does not mean that the child wont need it in the future for college or something.. Unless you are independantly wealthy, and already have a college fund set up for the child, or enough money for a catastrophic situation.. My husband is an 0-3 with 18 years in, and I know what we make. SO I know a SGT even with 20 years in the service would still need SOME help raising a child. It really angers me when I hear young mothers with a baby saying, I don't want his money. OH please!!! Take it and SAVE IT!!!

Charday - posted on 09/23/2010

I dont believe your wrong . I for one dont believe in child suport all though each circumstance is different. My thoery is another "man/person" shouldn't have to force you to take care of your child its a privelge not a punishment.... So I would ask for your rights. If you can make it without his money then go for it WHO NEEDS HIM

Jessi - posted on 09/23/2010

Carolyn - yes i did give that answer in a reply right below Phyl's reply. should something happen to me while my son is legally and physically incapable of caring for himself i don't want custody granted to someone who couldn't even pick his own child out of a room full of kids. yes, some of his direct family are making more of an attempt to be in my son's life but they haven't even met him either. they live in tacoma, wa...i live in green bay, wi...and his father lives in watertown, ny. the only people my son knows are my parents, brothers, and myself.

Dora - posted on 09/23/2010

Are there any particular state regulations on that topic? Seems you have a legal question in addition to the feelings you and the family have on that matter.

Vanessa - posted on 09/23/2010

Whenever I think of something as final as that I ask myself what are my motivations? I think you have to figure out the pros to having your child's biological father's rights terminated. What is your reasoning behind it...Ask yourself some questions and be honest with yourself. I hope to convey compassion and not judgement here. My son carries my last name proudly and he has a biological father that has never even seen him. He lives in the same city as I do and we broke up when I was 7 months pregnant. He is not on the birth certificate and called me once when my son was 4 months old and wanted to get together with me but he didn't want to see our son. I categorically refused and explained that our beautiful baby boy deserved a father who acknowledges him and doesn't just want to "hook up" with me but I couldn't forget that I chose the man!!! I didn't know that things would turn out that way but there I was alone at 28 with my son. It was a painful thing to realise and up until then I thought that there still may be a happily ever after but I had to let it go. It was a sort of ending but it was still hard to make peace but I found that a big part of the puzzle was that I had to learn to forgive myself. Yes the man I had chosen had failed my son and that was my fault but I could not control what he did just what I did and that would be my strength. I left everything open ended and it hurt alot for a long time and I had to grieve but the pain became less raw because I knew that no matter what I would not be bitter and I would do what was best for myself and my son. I just wonder if you've asked yourself all the questions you need to to heal. You need to do whatever is best for you...because you are your son's mother and he needs you. I know how leaving the door open to the possiblity of him waltzing back into your son's life whenever it is appropriate for him can be inconvenient and seemingly wreckless in a way because you don't know what will happen but we don't know what will happen anyhow. He still is your son's father and I am quite sure based on my son's opinion who is now twelve that as hard as it is if his father came back into his life that he would forgive him and be happy so eventually it's not even really your decision to make. I don't think you have to end paternity rights to feel that you are in control of the situation. You can feel calmer about the possibility by just letting go and accepting whatever comes. Make peace with yourself and think of the positive things about the person you chose to have your son with (he is 50% of your son). I know there may be some dissapointment, nobody sets out to be all alone to raise a child but we can take control of the situation in other ways. We can't force anyone to be a good father but we can focus on our skills as a mother which through example can help our kids make peace with their hard luck as well. Good luck with your decision I am not trying to advocate one way or another I just want you to know that you can be at peace with whatever happens and that you don't even need to make a decision at all except be there for your son however you can.