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Cynthia - posted on 06/15/2012
I think people will post a comment and say whatever comes to their mind because they are not face to face with the person they are commenting on. Well, maybe not. But i certainly hope that some of the posts that I have read on this site and many other, a person would never say face to face. I feel many comments are made to get a reaction from others, or just plain rude and hurtful. as we were taught as young children - If you can say something nice, dont say anything at all.
Krista - posted on 06/15/2012
Keep in mind that there are over 10 million members on this site. If you broadcast your problem to 10 million people out in public, you would fully expect that not ALL of the responses would be polite and helpful.
If most people are being supportive and one or two aren't, then just ignore them.
If most people, however, are disagreeing with you and telling you you're wrong...then maybe you need to stop and look at it a little more closely.
And lastly, if you only want supportive advice that agrees with everything you believe, then a public internet forum is NOT the right place for that.
Lauren - posted on 06/15/2012
I didn't read through all the comments, and while I do agree with what everyone said about people's moods, this being an open forum, some touchy issues, etc., I can also see where Alicia is coming from...if she meant to react to what I'm about to mention.
I look at Circle of Moms as an open forum to ask questions, discuss uncertainties, get advice or support WITHOUT JUDGEMENT! While obviously there will be people who disagree (I myself disagree strongly with may posts I see), I think there is a mature and civilized way to handle a situation. And in a setting like this where people are encouraged to seek advice and support, no one should be made to feel like an idiot for asking their question.
For example: There are several occasions where I've seen a mom ask a question about various aspects of parenting..."Should I stay with my partner?," "How much time should my child spend playing video games?,"Does your child masturbate?" Yes, there are very difficult topics on here, but this is supposed to be the one place you can ask those questions. I've often seen a few people on each occasion respond with "What, are you crazy? Of course you should leave!" or "Video games are horrible. As a parent, you should be smart enough to know that." or "You need to look up the definition of masturbation. If your child is doing that, he needs help!"
Thankfully, MOST moms on this site are not like what I mentioned above. But as you read and respond to posts, just consider how your thoughts are coming across (as mentioned below, we can't distinguish emotions online). I think this is a great opportunity to be open and honest about our opinions, but I hope that we can do it without chastizing someone for what they've sought help about. We need to remember they are obviously wanting help or they wouldn't have taken the time to post their question. And putting someone down, calling them an idiot or making them feel as if they are an inadequate parent is no way to help one another become the best parents we can be...especially with VERY different backgrounds, attitudes and habits.
Thank you, all, for holding a respectful discussion about this, but Alicia, I agree that SOME PEOPLE forget the real meaning of this site and need to keep themselves in check as well!
Shawnn - posted on 06/15/2012
Alicia, I have to agree with Little miss, and Elfrieda...
Would you go into a public situation, such as the proverbial coffee shop, and tell the customers there that " I can't believe how rude ppl can be..if u don't have anything nice to say then please keep ur comments to urself.. ", and expect people to not react to you in a negative fashion? Would you expect them to say "oh, ok" and continue on with their lives as if nothing had happened? After all, you just jumped into the middle of their day, and exclaimed that everyone in the proverbial store was rude, without really any basis.
Rather than, say, handling each thing that you perceive to be rude? It is far better to try to get things understood on the pages that you've felt attacked, rather than open a new, generic post telling us that we're all rude.
So, in short, starting a post telling the forum that we are rude and inconsiderate, rather than handling each situation appropriately is rather rude and inconsiderate. After all, you are lumping millions of women into one mold with that statement, and it's a little crowded in here...LOL...
Another thing that you need to take into consideration is this: You don't know the mood of the person responding. YOu don't know how their day has gone, just as we don't know what's going on with YOU when you're typing. Just something to keep in mind. We all experience loss, strife, stress, and confusion in our lives, just as you do. While it may seem like you're the only one who's having a hard time (honey, I know how that feels, trust me!), you're not. Some of the rest of us are having a bitch of a day as well, and sometimes, even though we're all adults, we tend to be a bit more blunt and straight forward on an online forum...keyboard anonymity has a lot to do with it.
But, to put a blanket statement out there that "people are rude" is slightly rude as well.
Michelle - posted on 06/15/2012
What Little Miss was trying to explain is exactly what Elfrieda said, just in a different way.
You have to understand that some people are very direct in their responses and others are able to "sugar coat" them.
That's the joy of the written word and every individuals perseption of them.
Sharon - posted on 06/15/2012
I had a bad experience one of the first times I was on this sight. I also made the mistake of doing the exact "coffee shop scenario" that Elfrieda has just described.
After taking a break for a day and just leaving my computer off,and talking to a few people on the phone. I realized that it wasn't the people on here at all, but the mood I was in, and the way I was taking things. When I reread the posts that had startled me and made me think that all here were rude, I realized that I have serveral choices: a) go to another group in here, b) don't respond, c) wait and see what my mood really is before I take a stand, d) turn off the computer and do something else.
Since I have taken this stance, I have had a much better experience. The difference between here and a coffee shop is that when the conversation at the table is something I don't care to discuss I can "walk away" here without responding. In face to face "combat" it would be considered rude.
There are very good conversations and some not so much, just pick and choose where you will respond and where you will just walk away.
Elfrieda - posted on 06/15/2012
I think Little Miss is saying it would be rude to burst into a coffee shop where you'd been having a conversation with some regulars yesterday, stand in the middle of the room and shout "RUDE PEOPLE!" and then go on to tell everyone who's in the shop at the moment that you've been in here a few times and you can't believe how rude people can be! And if they can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!
Well, you can imagine the reactions to that. There would be a lot of staring and a bit of confusion from the people who weren't there the day before, and yes, the general consensus would be that you had been rude to do it.
The internet isn't exactly like real life, but it's still people interacting, so some of the same rules still apply.
America3437 - posted on 06/15/2012
These women can be a little harsh sometimes but all in all I enjoy my time on here. I have been attacked and have done the attacking but they are quick to help you understand their pont of view. I suggest if it's a "touchy" subject ,just don't respond. You can't change how people are but ,you can control your contact with them.
~â¥Little Miss - posted on 06/14/2012
I am truly sorry that you lost your grandmother, that must be hard. But something you should understand about this site, once you post something, it is open to everyone. There are so many people on here from all over the world, different perspectives, religions, cultures, and what you might find rude, they don't.
Point is, if you are not open to harsh criticism, be very careful how you word things, and what questions you post.
Dove - posted on 06/14/2012
I'm so sorry you are having a hard time. I actually HAVE been a bit 'rough' on here lately... which is probably where my guilty conscience had me thinking you were talking about me. ;) I'm going through an extremely painful time in my life this year and sometimes my pain and anger come out in my replies.
I'm glad to see you are in counseling. I hope you start to feel better soon!
Conscious Mom - posted on 06/14/2012
Alicia have you received any counselling?...If not I strongly recommend it for you...Try reaching out and sharing in your situation it helps......Praying about it and believing will take you a far way..God is GOOD every time all the time...he will come through for you...Try HIM.
S. - posted on 06/14/2012
It's not peoples opinions that bother me we will all clearly differ from one or another but some mum's can just attack and it seems like they just don't have nothing better to do, one post I read a while back was a never ending bitch marothon, I could just imagine this lady sat there all smug from her side of the screen whilst everyone bit. A saying Iv picked up from here is "don't feed the troll" I love it lol.
I try not to respond negative to ppl, and if I don't have anything nice to say I try not to bother, ppl on here are asking for help and advice not a fight. However you have no tone in text and things can be taken the wrong way. But wow we do have Alot of bitchy ppl out there.
Sharon - posted on 06/14/2012
You should join the Mums who want to vent community. If you are down or pissed off you can write it there and the people there will usually give you a "pat on the back" so to speak and help you to feel better :-)
Michelle - posted on 06/13/2012
Alicia: I'm the same. My Grandmother passed away on Mother's Day and I have good days and bad days. Sometimes I have had to step back and not turn on the comupter because every little thing was upsetting me.
Michelle - posted on 06/13/2012
I know there are a couple of "volatile" sujects being discussed at the moment. Religion seems to bring out the worst in people as well debates on touchy subjects.
I know some people are very passionate about what they think is "right" and they aren't willing to see it from another point of view. That's when things an get nasty though.
The best thing to do is if you see someone getting nasty you can report the post and one of us (moderators) will review it and decide if it violates the no T.H.U.M.P.S. policy. If it does we will take action.
Alicia - posted on 06/13/2012
I'm sorry ladies I shouldn't have wrote this post to begin with, I'm going through alot of depression lately and every little thing upsets me and I take everything the wrong way..I just lost my grandmother 3 months ago to this very day and I was very close to her...
Alicia - posted on 06/13/2012
I meant to say I have seen not only on mine but on others post where ppl r down right rude and yes I mean plain out rude and its uncalled for, this is to help others not to be hateful and I'm sorry Dove but no im not meaning this towards u in anyway.. I mean some of what u wrote kinda upset me.. and I'm sorry if u took this post towards you..
Michelle - posted on 06/13/2012
The main thing to remember is we are from all walks of life. When you post asking a question or for help you will get all sorts of women responding. Some will have been in the same situation and will say what worked for them, others will have known someone.
Like Sharon said, when you read the written word it's hard to understand the emotion. Humans communicate, not just with words but also the expression on our face and body language. When we read we have to interpret that ourselves. I find if I'm upset then I can take things the wrong way from what was intended.
Dove - posted on 06/13/2012
Since I think this may be spurned from my recent comment on your recent post.... I honestly wasn't trying to be rude. I didn't give any negative judgement for you cheating on your husband. I simply don't understand why you would want to stay with a man who so obviously doesn't care about you. BUT... I also offered some advice if you truly DO want to stay with him.
And just for the record.... there have been many posts started exactly like this one and I'll say what I always tell my kids when they have a problem with someone.... you have zero control over the words/actions of another human being. The only control you have is how YOU react to them.
Sharon - posted on 06/13/2012
There are rude people everywhere, you can't escape 'em!!
But something to keep in mind is that some people are blunt (I know I can be sometimes) and that will sometimes come across as being rude. Especially when on a forum where you can't guess the intonation of what is being said or see the expression on the persons face.