Sad about Kindergarten. Advice please?

Elaine - posted on 07/24/2012 ( 302 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 2 years and 7 months. From the age of 6 weeks she went to my mother-in-law in the day time, and 3 weeks back we started her at kindergarten 3 times a week from 8 to 1 pm, because it is still winter. it is really a great school, i know the people personally, but the problem is everytime when she hears that she has to go to school she starts crying, she become so sad and tells me that she don't want to go to school she want to go to grandma instead. This morning when I woke her up after I dressed her she told me that she wants to go to grandma, so I just said what about school, just think how sad your friend are going to be when you don't go to school, but then she starts crying, she just don't want to go to school. On our way to school I talk about my preschool years, nad told her how great it was to learn song and perform on the stage, playing ons the junglegyms, and asoos as we arrived at school, she started to cry again. The Head of school asked her why everytime she comes to school she cries, she just answers she don't want to. I don't know what to do, when I see her cry my heart breaks in 2, She really enjoys the school, all the friend and playing ons the junglegym also the singing, but I just don't understand why she criies when she goes to school and also when I go and pick her up. Please i really need advice on how to deal with this.

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Jennifer - posted on 07/25/2012

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Elaine: You mentioned that it's winter, are you in Australia? Where I am, "Kindergarten" describes 5-6 year olds and is the beginning of the school/educational system. We call learning places prior to school "pre-school", and caregivers either "babysitters, daycare or Mommy's Day out" or something of the like. I think that there is some confusion with terminology here.

Your daughter is in the care of someone new and she doesn't like it. She is smart and knows that there is a difference between the two. You may want to tell her that she did nothing wrong and that it's not a punishment to go to Kindergarten, that it is a privilege and you are doing it because you love her. Mommy and Daddy love her very much and have to work. Tell her that Grandma loves her and needs to "go to work". She will learn to adapt as all children do. Make sure of the following: that your school is accredited; that your teacher is accredited; and that the day is well planned with age appropriate activities. You should get a weekly lesson plan for your child as well as a daily report of activity. If the care giver who is there when you pick up your child can not tell you how your child's day was, then fire them and find another facility. Knowing what your child has learned and how they have behaved may give you insight as to why she is unhappy.

Most importantly: Stop by the school unexpectedly to check in on her if you can do it without interrupting her day. Maybe there is something going on that you should find out about. ???

My mother was a SAHM until I went to Kindergarten at 6. I resented child care as I was never made to do what I was told by anyone other than Mom and my teacher. Daycare makes a child more flexible, in that many people may be responsible for her care throughout the day. My child started part time daycare at 3 and full time Pre-School at 4. He hated going to daycare. Turns out they were not very good and allowed kids to hit him, were not organized with activities that interested him. Pre-School was much better. He learned very quickly to love it. Loved his teacher, the structure, the organization and activities. Now he's better prepared than I could have trained him to start school.

There are some children who have spent every day since day 1 in daycare and others who stay with their parents until college and are home schooled. Your choice is your choice. Don't let any one on here tell you that your child should not be in Kindergarten.

Best wishes. And take all our the advice on here with a grain of salt. You know what is best for your child. Maybe she just needs more time to adjust. Maybe she feels punished. She's 2. Maybe she just wants her way.
Either way, Best wishes!

Jodi - posted on 07/24/2012

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I'm not sure where you live, but that sounds way to young for pre-school, so maybe she just isn't emotionally ready :\ Why can't she stay with grandma? Is there a particular reason why she has to go to preschool/kindergarten at such a young age?

Dove - posted on 07/25/2012

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I, personally, feel that she's too young for school and would be better off with grandma for another year.

Of course, I'm anti day care, etc... for under 3's unless the family has no other choice. My opinion doesn't dictate others actions though. That's just my feeling on the subject. If a parent or other trusted, more intimate care provider is available.. that would be my choice. Play groups/play dates, etc... would be the social interaction of my choice at that age with the parent or other caregiver in attendance.

Melissa - posted on 07/25/2012

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Leaving our children behind is a tough thing but you are doing the right thing by getting her started at a preschool as early as 2. Most studies do show that children who attend preschool prior to actually starting traditional schooling are much more prepared with social skills and are more adapt to learning. That being said, your child might also be suffering from the coddeling and attention grandma was giving before she started her baking business. Let's be real, grandmas are there to spoil and coddle our children even if we don't like it as a parent. That's their job. Your child is probably still getting acclamaited to the fact that there is a regimented schedule placed on how the day proceeds and simply misses grandma. In addition to giving your little one more attention from you, make sure they are still getting the opportunity to see grandma at least once a week for a little while until they start enjoying going to school more. (At least that is my opinion, hope this helps.)

Dove - posted on 07/25/2012

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I was under the impression that most studies showed better results with a child being cared for by a parent or more individualized care until age 3. Granted, I don't have access to these studies, but I'd be very interested to see studies stating that kids do better when they start school at 2.... Since that's the opposite of what I've been told and believed my entire life. ;)



Preschool, yes... I'm a huge fan of preschool, but where I live you won't find any preschool that takes a two year old.

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Ruie - posted on 08/07/2012

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Is there a way you can do a part time thing in school, and still take her to grandmas on other days? maybe telling her that if she will be good at school, she will be able to go to Grandmas after school..She is still a baby, so its gonna be hard for a little while.

Bushra - posted on 08/07/2012

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after you drop her off, stay at the school for a while and observe her from where she cant see you. My daughter used to cry when I dropped her off to Preschool the first month, but about 10 minutes after I left she would be having a wonderful time! If she is also crying when you pick her up then maybe she is tired by then................in any case observe her for a few days. Doesn't have to be for long, just 20-30 minutes. It will help put your mind to rest.
First born's for some reason have more separation anxiety than second or third born's.

Dove - posted on 08/07/2012

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No worries, Melissa. :)

Kids and their needs are so varied that I don't believe there is ever a 'one size fits all' answer to anything (except in cases like car seat safety... life and death stuff).

I have a kid that started preschool at 3 years 2 months old... 5 hours/day, 5 days/week and loved every second of it. We had a bit of minor transitions and clinginess for the first month or so, but there were never any tears or complaints... ever (well, not quite... she's had half a dozen random 'freak out' mornings spaced out from preschool to second grade, but that's it).

Then I have a kid who still at 4.5 and a year of preschool (last year was only 2 days/week... starts for this year 5 days/week next week) already under his belt absolutely HATES going to preschool (even though he loves his teacher, his friends, and all the activities... separation issues) and tells me every day how much he doesn't want to go.

Alice - posted on 08/07/2012

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I feel your pain!
My twins went to a day care nursery from 2years. At first all was fine then my son really took against it. We would have terrible tears before he went, he would even hide behind the chairs in the sitting room. When I picked him up, just the same he was crying. It is hart breaking!! Stick at it though. I tried not to rush drop of and pick up time...in particular pick up time; talk to the teachers and get to know them so you can talk about them at home. I always thought my son was crying when I collected him though relief to see me and also processing the fact that I had left him...both very normal.
My only advice would be to stick at it, it sounds like you are saying and doing all the right things. I stuck at it and while we do have the very odd wobble my son goes into preschool with a smile on his face now!

Good luck!

Michelle - posted on 08/07/2012

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This is so normal for her age....you need to be consistent and positive with dropping her off. Remind her that she is going to have fun today with friends and you will be there to pick her up when school is done.

Melissa - posted on 08/07/2012

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Good point, Dove. It really does kind of stink that moms are faced with the - well, not so much a choice of whether we want to put our kids in daycare or preschool, but what's the best placement, because we can't afford to do otherwise. Honestly, I stayed at home, because I had no other choice, and yes, we took a serious hit on our income for it. With autism, the demands of therapy kind of insisted I be there. However, in response to your query - my 2 year old, Bella, did a "pilot program" for Applied Behavioral Analysis therapy, which is a lot like preschool at home - and she responded so well, she is at the top of her class academically (she just turned 7) - in regular education. It also helped her tremendously with social skills. I bet something similar would work with any child - but it was something where I was there and a participant. It seems like everyone has good advice, for whatever Elaine needs, but she'll have to pick out what works best for her and her daughter. There's never a "right" answer, I guess.
I am sorry for our earlier misunderstanding, and I am glad it was resolved.

Gammie - posted on 08/07/2012

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Not knowing your child or the school environment, I will give you some broad based thoughts. She is very young. Although she may be very bright and capable, she may just not be developmentally ready (socially and physiologically) to interact 3 days a week in a 4 hour K program. Does the school provide other options -- perhaps a 2 1/2 hour program -developmentally appropriate -- just 2 days a week?? Things to consider: the curriculum, the amount of students in her class, the ages of the other children.....At 2 (or even 3), performing on the stage or junglegyms might be a little intimidating.....12 hours of school a week for a child under 3 is demanding. Another thing to consider is that she is at the age where she is learning how to manipulate situations. It's a part of developing independence for her -- but you must be the one who sets boundaries. She is too young to reason, but she may be more comfortable if there is another option: school time being cut and more one-on-one with grandma.......With grandma, she's completely comfortable; in school, she shares time and space with others -- and she may not be ready for this.....As a retired Kindergarten teacher and cognitive specialist, I always tell parents to give their children the "gift of time"...Don't push the academics, but enrich their lives horizontally with lots of variety and unique family experiences.....School can be a life-long endeavor: but insure that she is happy from day one about having the opportunity to attend, to interact, and to learn.....or it may be a life-long battle.

Jennifer - posted on 08/07/2012

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I feel that your child is not yet ready for pre-school. When you push a young child who seems to not be ready, you may suffer consequences. My son was not ready even at 4. We tried full day, 5 days a week preschool and were told by professionals, that it would be psychologically and emotionally better to decrease the number of hours at school. I feel that at less than 3, your child should be at home and is not ready. Keep her at home for another year and then put her in the same program at 4 years of age, which is recommended by most state run pre-school programs. Then at 5, she will go to Kindergarten. Allmost all of the school studies show that most children are at the same level by the time they are in 3rd grade, whether or not they spent 1 year in pre-school or 3 years. Educationally/Scholastically, you needn't worry. BUT you should be very concerned about your childs social/emotional and psychological status if you continue to push her. There are many studies that show that if your child is UNhappy in school in the early years, they will carry that over for the rest of their school experience. My advice, keep her at grandma's.

Christina - posted on 08/07/2012

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Maybe there's something going on there that is upsetting her. My son was being picked on by a classmate. Once he told me the best he could I talked to the teacher and it was resolved. Good luck :)

Rohini - posted on 08/07/2012

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Kids r very smart these dAys,They know that u ve soft corner for them and u Feek bad wn they cry.So its ok they get absolute normal once u leave them.So don't worr and she will b used to it.

Alma - posted on 08/07/2012

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She is sounds a little young for such a long time. You may want to take her an hour a day for a week. Then 2 hours for the next week. Each week increasing the time. The first few weeks have her grandma be part of the drop off and pick-up. Kids are scared and cry because they are not used to the environment and feel lost. If you ease her into it and stay with her until she developes a strong connection with the staff and kids, it may be better for her. I always stayed the first 3 weeks either in the classroom or just outside to make sure my child was ok.

But she sounds very sad and it sounds like she is not having a great time. Good luck.

Rita - posted on 08/07/2012

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As a school psychologist and mother a child this age is too young for "kindergarten." Pre School is a great way for young ones to be exposed to learning social skills, following directions, transitioning from task to task and learn how to learn. It is not uncommon for her to cry for the first few weeks/month of school. It is something most pre school and kindergarten teachers prepare for. Granted nothing "dangerous" is happening to her the best thing to do is remind her how much you love her, when you drop her off tell her goodbye (never sneak away) and that you will pick her up after "nap time " or whatever time you get her. Then leave. Even if she's crying just leave. Do not show her you're sad or heartbroken... If she sees you upset it can add to her own emotions and make her think this may not be the best place for her. If you have confidence it will be ok she will eventually follow your lead as you are mommy that she loves and trusts. Each day ask her to tell you one thing she did (not "how was school"). Ask about a friend. Praise whatever it is she tells you about. Reiterate how proud you are of her for going to school. In time she will adjust. All kids are different & need their adjustment time. Good luck:-)

Elaine A. 247-Wilson - posted on 08/07/2012

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Hi Elaine, my name is Elaine too. My 3 dtrs all cried and never liked school. I loved the summer becasue I didnt have to send them to school. I think they cried on the first day of school till they were in junior high. They loved being at home playing school and with each other. I loved it too. But I always prayed a lot that they were ok when I left and made sure I checked with the teachers, and they were very quiet and good students when I left them. Would you believe now they are all teachers themselves!!!! And very good teachers becasue they understand that separation anxiety. Now they each have children and are faced with the same anxiety. My first granddtr will start this year and my dtr is so scared becasue Ellie crys at every little thing if she tries to leave her. So it is very very very normal...just love them and pray for them to be strong...and when you leave them, go cry...it helps!!!

Keely - posted on 08/07/2012

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Hi Elaine, my son is 2 years and 4 months old and was in home care with only one other child until about a month and a half ago when we decided it was time for daycare/preK. The first two weeks were very rough for us both, like other mom's on here I even toyed with the idea of my husband dropping him off so I wouldn't be so upset all day long for leaving him crying and clinging to me. After about two weeks he started to get in the groove and we had a little routine. I would make him a drink and snack when he gets dressed in the morning and when he got to "school" he gets a chair and sits at the table and eats and drinks and then migrates to the other children who are watching a show until they have breakfast. It's been almost 2 months now and he LOVES school! He is so excited to run in, get a drink from the water fountain,and then runs to his class where he greets everyone.

I know that every child is different, but I strongly urge you to make sure your daughter knows you are comfortable with the teachers, that you trust them, it will help calm her and eventually she will lean to trust them too. Give it a little bit of time, she is having to adjust to not having her grandmother to herself all day long, and you are having to adjust as well...and children pick up when the parent is not feeling so sure. The interaction with other kids will be great for her and once she gets used to the routine she may thrive like you've never seen....just be patient with her (and yourself) and you will get through this! Good Luck!

Melanie - posted on 08/07/2012

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I think that you should sit in the back of the class so she can't see you and see what is really going. If she is fine when you leave and don't cry doing the day, but cries when you pick her up from school something is going on. I think that with her age she might be a bit to young to understand that its ok and that you are coming back. Also make sure that she is not being abused as well.

Marci - posted on 08/07/2012

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When my son went to preschool, he did fine for the first month or two, never cried, loved going, talked about it all the time then one day he started crying for me when I dropped him off. I couldn't go to work because he had me so upset when he kept pleaing for me to stay and not leave him. This went on for about a week. I got so upset that my husband finally had enough and told my son he was taking him to school the next day. When my husband dropped him off he had no problems, never cried, never asked him to stay, nothing. He simply waved bye to my husband. My husband dropped him off for about 2 weeks without a problem. I then tood the duty over again and my son never had a problem again. I know it's hard to leave your child there when they are upset, but believe me they are upset because they feel uncertain without you. You just have to constantly reinforce the notion that you will be there to pick them up later and basically this is what they need to do. It's like their job. I have my job and they have theirs. My 5 year old daughter is about to start Kindergarten and I'm hoping she adjusts well too. Good luck!

Denise - posted on 08/07/2012

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Ask the carers how she is during the day, she may well be fine, only crying when she has to part with you. You could try inviting one of her play friends with a parent around to your house then she will have someone familiar to be with. You can also give her a special cuddly toy to keep with her that sometimes helps. Also ask one of the carers to keep her near them so she feels more secure. Try not to be anxious as children know when you are and then get more anxious themselves.

Julie - posted on 08/06/2012

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Elaine, Did I read this right? Your daughter is only 2 and going to kindergarten?

Signe - posted on 08/06/2012

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I put my son(at time 2yrs, 11mo) in afew summer school days(5-6 total) to get him used to school before preschool officially started. He'd cry every time I dropped him off and we'd talk about it and he'd say he just wants to stay with me, that he doesn't want any friends and such. It broke my heart when I'd leave and he's clinging to me don't go and the teachers would try and distract him. However, each time I came to pick him up, they said he never cried more than 3-4 min and then he'd be fine. The 3rd class I was working so my husband dropped him off and he didn't cry at all...he apparently gave him a high five and said see u later. After that, I had my husband drop him off and he never cried again.

Andrea - posted on 08/06/2012

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It sounds like separation anxiety to me. My kids were in early head start when they were all 3. My youngest is now starting Kindergarten this month and honestly, they all had the same problem because they've always just been around family. However, with my youngest I found it to be separation anxiety but also that he wasn't challenged by what they were teaching (for the most part) and so he was bored and didn't want to go because of that. Don't worry about your daughter's reactions. It's normal from what I've seen and experienced. But if you get all emotional about it then she will continue. I know that from experience. Good luck!

Melissa - posted on 08/06/2012

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Thanks also. :) have a great week, it's our last before school starts!
Summer was shorten to just over 7 weeks here

Cheryl - posted on 08/06/2012

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Little ones are always better off with mom or a family member to care for them. Kids learn the most from parents who talk to them rather than in a big group! She is very normal and knows when she's being pawned off on someone else:)

Dove - posted on 08/06/2012

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*It's the right age for preschool in every state. That's when regular preschool starts, when Head Start begins, and when your child transitions to school age if they are special needs. It just feels really young, especially when it's your first. We are generally the ones that have the harder time with it! :) *



Just for clarification from ME... The above direct quote from you is what I was stating as false. The first one and two-thirds sentences. ;)

Dove - posted on 08/06/2012

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This tangent was discussed because you, Melissa, made claims about something being the same in every state and I was merely posting to point out that what you stated was not true for my state. I never called you a liar. I said that the information you were presenting as fact for everywhere was false. Big difference.

Anyway... apparently what I read you clearly state in that first post that I had an issue with is not what you actually stated and I thanked you for your clarification. :)

Cheri - posted on 08/06/2012

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Where do you live I am curious? I am also curious why you call it Kindergarten? Kindergarten is for kids that are 5 and 6 year olds. I have worked in a school district in Michigan that houses all their kindergarten in one building for 18 years. I wouldn't even think of trying to put a 2 1/2 year old in a kindergarten atmosphere! I can understand why she is crying. She is NOT ready to be put in a school setting. She needs to play. My daughter was 5 when she went to what we call Early - Fives This is a program that gives the child another year to mature before they go to Kindergarten.
Is this program very structured or do they have alot of playtime? At this age, they need to be able to PLAY with anything they want to and not be forced into a structured program.
Also how many days a week is this? I wouldn't have her going any more than 2 times a week.

Sounds like she is crying for a reason... It Just might be too much for her at this age wait another year and let her be a little girl!

Good Luck!

Julie - posted on 08/06/2012

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you are not alone with this problem...she will come right
just kept at it..and soon there will be a difference..once she forms bonds with the teachers a
her friends she will make..
maybe she can pick out a friend she likes..and have that friends to come for a play after
kindy
julie

Brenda - posted on 08/06/2012

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Is there a reason why you do not want her to stay with her grandma? If not, you might let her stay with grandma until she turns three and then try preschool again. If it's not a necessity I wouldn't push the issue until she is a little older (three or four).

Laura - posted on 08/06/2012

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This child is nearer to 3. Pre-school generally take kids who are out of diapers. She's been home with grandma "sleeping & watching TV" rather than traditional daycare. Not my idea of quality time. Apparently she is still going to grandma's 2 days per week plus the time after school the other 3 days. Her routine has been disrupted and she's not liking it. Change it tough and certainly harder for some than others. Homeschooling isn't the issue here (and not for everyone); this mother works.

Definitely check up on her school day to see if anything is amiss, that's being a responsible parent. But I totally disagree that this is arbitrarily "learned helplessness" or that this mom is not helping her child or that the child will grow up distrustful. It may be simply that the change in routine is overwhelming and she needs help working through it. It may take mom & grandma working together to get the little girl through this, but facing challenges is a part of life no matter how old. Some kid always need help transitioning.

A thought, a child in my daughter's preschool was very sad one day and missing his mom. The teacher drew a "wristwatch" on the child's arm with the clock hands drawn to the time his mom would pick him up. He could match it up to the clock on the wall. Made his day a bit easier.

And, I love my kids & grandkids....and I don't work. We do lots of fun things together and they very much enjoy spending time with me..however, I don't do routine daycare for them; I'm a special circumstances and back-up daycare. I have a very busy life, which I have earned, and I don't think its in their families' best interests to be dependent on me or for me to be overinvolved with them.

One daughter and the daughter-in-law are both 'new age' moms. The son & other daughter are 'old school'. The discussions are off the hook. The 'new age' grandkids get 'old school' treatment with me and are always happy to come back for more. The bottom line is that the kids don't dictate policy. They are able to make decisions from the choices offered, but are not going to be allowed to make the big decisions unilaterally. And I'm not going to be guilt tripped into anything.

Robyn - posted on 08/06/2012

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Oh my goodness!! How refreshing to finally hear someone say those words!! Thank you for posting what I would've said if I could put my thoughts together in words. I completely agree with you!!!!!

Melissa - posted on 08/06/2012

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I don't care if anyone disagrees with me, everyone is entitled to her own opinion. Calling someone a liar is not simply disagreeing. And I'm really confused why this tangent is even a part of the conversation.

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Melissa - posted on 08/06/2012

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I said TRANSITION starts roughly 4-5 months before their 3rd birthday, not the actual program, which, as in your link, starts at 3, as I previously said. Every state has a little leeway for their educational programs, so I was using special Ed as a foundation, since they are more tethered to the system, that is all, as I also mentioned - sorry if it was unclear. But some states may offer preschool within a few months before their actual birthday, depending on when it falls within the calendar year, and that particular state's cut off.
However, whether Elaine's daughter is allowed to attend preschool was not her issue. From her question, it appears her daughter is already accepted and enrolled in the program.
Sorry for the misunderstanding

Shannon - posted on 08/06/2012

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I went through the exact same thing with my son. It is the hardest thing in the whole world to do....... You need to keep taking her to pre-school, she will do fine just give it some time. She is throwing a fit because that is what works. My son did the same things I went to work crying for the first month.. He was so smart he would see me getting on the freeway and he would say "Mama you dont take the freeway to Grandmas house" I feel your pain, it is the worst thing ever.He is now 13 and spoiled as ever but I think the social skills are huge at that age and she will really grow from being in school verses Grandmas. Hang in there it is very HARD but you are doing what is best for your baby..

Sam - posted on 08/06/2012

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Let me know if you have any home school questions... We live in FL and it's easy. I put my son in school and he grew up so fast and was missing it. I was jealous of the teachers that spent all their time with him and got to enjoy him. So I took him out in third grade. He's going into sixth and we love it. My daughter went to free preK (FL) and learned to read at the age of 4 with a church PreK and now I'm on our second year. I'm teaching her 1st grade. You could probably join the home school Circle of mom's and learn more about the requirements for your state. Here in FL we only have to keep a folder of their work, a calendar of what was completed each day, and have a qualified teacher fill out an evaluation at the end of the school year. The evaluation has only one question on it. Has your child improved this year or not. If it's not, there is a space to put the subject they made no progress in, and what your plans are to correct it. That's it! There are so many home school activities in my area and groups to join we have activities with other homeschoolers about three days a week.You don't have to put your children in school. I even know someone who brings her kids to work and they have their own desks. I know another who works and hired a nanny who shares in the home schooling. Then there are computer programs where they learn at home and get help from online teachers. Think about it. :)

Dove - posted on 08/06/2012

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I don't wish to argue either Melissa, I was referring to the LINK I posted and this is quoted directly from it....



Head Start offers educational programs for children age 3 to 5, and a wide variety of opportunities and support services for their families. Since 1965, we’ve joined with millions of low-income parents, from hundreds of different backgrounds, to help children succeed in school, and succeed in life. The Administration for Children’s Services (ACS) sponsors more than 250 Head Start centers in neighborhoods throughout New York City. Every one of them offers a safe, caring environment where both children and parents come to learn and grow and achieve. And every Head Start program is absolutely free.



I looked on that page and there isn't a single reference to a 2.5 year old. Granted.... I didn't search the entire site, but I know what this page says and I know what the rules to the Head Start that my children WENT to were.... Your claim that every state starts preschool at 2.5 and that Head Start starts at 2.5 ARE false. Maybe special needs can/does start at 2.5, but that is not every preschool in every state and I don't think the child in the op is special needs anyway... so 'special needs rules' would not apply.

Angie - posted on 08/06/2012

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perhaps she needs an in home daycare with some preschool activities so she still gets the inhome feel

Jen - posted on 08/06/2012

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Could be a phase. Mine did that only lasted around a month or so. Or try to sit her down and get more details. When she is not going at the moment her head might be clear enough to explain. Our doctor told me that it was a control tactic. I wasn't completley convinced. We just gave her somthing to look forward to afterward. Goodluck to u.

Tracey - posted on 08/06/2012

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For all the responses saying "Just keep dropping her off and eventually she'll quit crying." There is a name for that. It's called "learned helplessness."

This means your child has figured out that no matter what she does, no matter if she's being hurt or is unable to cope with what is going on, *you are not going to help* so she may as well quit crying. This is quite different from thriving. It just means your child has given up hope, and most likely trusts you much less to care for her needs.

See, babies don't cry to "manipulate". That's a sour old saying based in a form of child psychology popular in the 1920s that has long been disproven. If our response to another *adult* person was to ignore them constantly, how would we expect them to react?? How else do babies have to communicate? Even a 2-year-old doesn't have sophisticated enough thought patterns and enough vocabulary to say "Mother, there is a teacher at that school who refuses to hug me when I'm upset, and who gives me a very condescending look and makes me feel unwanted and unloved at a time in my life when, developmentally, I really need to feel wanted and loved in order to have the self-confidence to explore my world. And the fact that you are walking away when I'm trying to express this to you is making me question my self-worth." A child may able to feel that, but not put it into words.

So please, listen to your children. Who are the ones telling you "oh, it's ok, lots of kids do this and eventually she'll stop if you just stick with it?" In most cases, it's the ones making the money for your child being there.

Phyllis - posted on 08/06/2012

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I believe she is much too young to go to school. Let her be a baby for a couple more years.

Rachel - posted on 08/06/2012

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Ladies as a mother of 4 boys and having twins in the mix, it does get easier. I just take some getting use to it. My first had this problem but my twins were very excited because they see what there older brother was doing and they wanted to do the same. And my youngest will either go to pre school this year or next and he is excited to go to school. I think it is all in timing and preparation for the kids. If you start talking to them and get them excited then you may not have as much problems. Not to say you won't have problems but every child is different and needs to find there way of dealing with change. Some handle better than others and it just takes time on both the child and the parents. ( I would have added this to may earlier post but it just came to me) GOOD LUCK

Kylie - posted on 08/06/2012

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I wonder where you live as where I live the kids cannot start pre-school until they have turned 3, and that is for 3 year old kindergarten, which is 3 hours a week. TO start traditional pre-school the children have to be 4 by end of April of the year they are starting 4 year old kinder - the majority are 5 by the time they start 4 year old kinder (which fits in with being able to start school at age 4 and a half as long as you turn 5 by end of April of the year you enter prep.

Deborah - posted on 08/06/2012

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I wish I could give you advice but I just dropped off my twin 4 yr old girls at preK and one did the same, the other was excited and ready...and my heart is breaking for the one who I left crying -- and I am still crying.......I think there needs to be a SUPPORT GROUP for PARENTS OF PRE-K children........because I am having a bad day and sad day!! Havent cried this much since my daddy passed away in 1990!!!! HELP US PLEASE..and pray!!!

Rachel - posted on 08/06/2012

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Don't worry my son was the same way about preschool. I am a stay at home mom, I was home from day one with him and he was my first. My husband and I decided that at the age of 3 that it was time for him to go and be with other kids to socialize. He was fine the first day of school, but then after that he would cry, yes it was hard but I knew it was the best thing for him. We kept on talking to him and dealing with it. My sons teachers were very helpful as well. Just keep talking and encouraging her and before you realize it she will no longer cry at the thought of being away from grandma and mommy. When a child is in a routine it does make it very hard to get them into another one. They will not want to do it but then when they do it long enough they will forget about what they have been doing and just go along with it. Also, tell her that you will be back even though she knows that they like to hear that.

Nancy - posted on 08/06/2012

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The reason she is crying is because she is still entirely too young to be sent into the world without mommy or daddy or family member. I don't know what kind of interference Grandma is doing but under the circumstances I believe interference is a definite necessity. Your child may enjoy it once she is there but she is still too young for kindergarten. Kindergarten was intended for children age 4-5. NOT 2!!! This is entirely ridiculou!

Denise - posted on 08/06/2012

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She just misses her Grandma. My grandson would rather stay with me than go to school. He is 4. I am a teacher and he starts school at my school this year. He would still rather just stay home with me. I think they just feel secure. He will go to camp or a school and be fine, but he tells me he would rather be with me. If her grandma can keep her, please allow it. She will be so much more secure. She is way young for school. She gets to go all her life. Why now?

Denise - posted on 08/06/2012

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She just misses her Grandma. My grandson would rather stay with me than go to school. He is 4. I am a teacher and he starts school at my school this year. He would still rather just stay home with me. I think they just feel secure. He will go to camp or a school and be fine, but he tells me he would rather be with me. If her grandma can keep her, please allow it. She will be so much more secure. She is way young for school. She gets to go all her life. Why now?

Moira - posted on 08/06/2012

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This is very normal and she just needs a little time to settle in to her new routine. Pre-School is excellent for your child's social development, confidence and for providing age appropriate stimulation - don't feel guilty (or allow others to make you feel guilty!) about sending her somewhere where she is well looked after and happy. I have taught Kindergarten for years, and children who cry usually stop 3 minutes after parents have left and are fine. A good idea is to give her something of yours (example a scarf, jewellery) and tell her she can keep it safe for you until you get back to pick her up. That ways she trusts and remembers that you will always come back to get her. Also, keep a note at home - if she has a happy morning, draw a happy face on the calendar - if she gets a certain amount of happy faces in one week she can have a special date with Mommy, special treat etc. Simple actions like that always work!
In addition to my experince of being a teacher, my son did exactly the same thing. It was down to the change and then when I picked him up the crying was like an emotional response - he was happy to see me, but cried!! You can simply tell your child in a firm voice to take a deep breath and stop crying. Don't move on until she stops crying - this is a good way to encourage independence and self-control. There are also some good story books that you can read about school each night and discuss the story - or tell your own story!!
Don't feel bad - easier said than done of course. Good luck! :)

Emma - posted on 08/06/2012

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My mum runs a preschool and when i showed her this she said that a good 75% of kids put on the tears for Mum at drop off time and most will have stopped before mum has left the playground, Its normally about boundaries and trying to get their own way and sometimes a little anxiety.
I am in GB where kids can start preschool at 2 1/2 yrs. My son starts in september. fingers crossed he is one of the 25% because i am sure what your going through is making you feel awful and guilty and haveing people make some of the comments that are above wont be helping.

Lori - posted on 08/06/2012

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Maybe the fact that she is only two years old has something to do with it. I didn't know kids could start school that young, unless you mean daycare.

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