Sad about Kindergarten. Advice please?

Elaine - posted on 07/24/2012 ( 302 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 2 years and 7 months. From the age of 6 weeks she went to my mother-in-law in the day time, and 3 weeks back we started her at kindergarten 3 times a week from 8 to 1 pm, because it is still winter. it is really a great school, i know the people personally, but the problem is everytime when she hears that she has to go to school she starts crying, she become so sad and tells me that she don't want to go to school she want to go to grandma instead. This morning when I woke her up after I dressed her she told me that she wants to go to grandma, so I just said what about school, just think how sad your friend are going to be when you don't go to school, but then she starts crying, she just don't want to go to school. On our way to school I talk about my preschool years, nad told her how great it was to learn song and perform on the stage, playing ons the junglegyms, and asoos as we arrived at school, she started to cry again. The Head of school asked her why everytime she comes to school she cries, she just answers she don't want to. I don't know what to do, when I see her cry my heart breaks in 2, She really enjoys the school, all the friend and playing ons the junglegym also the singing, but I just don't understand why she criies when she goes to school and also when I go and pick her up. Please i really need advice on how to deal with this.

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Betina - posted on 07/30/2012

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I am a qualified pre school teacher and our school took kids in from 12 months old.

I disagree with the people saying she is too young, I feel the earlier they start the more independant they will be and will grasp the information offered ( education as well as social interaction) a lot more quickly. ITS THE RIGHT THIS TO DO!

We often had children throwing huge tantrums when they are dropped off at school especially on a Monday as they've spent the weekend with Mom and Dad and dont want to be apart from them.
A few ladies are right in saying "do a quick drop off,hug, bye and go" you will notice this will actually be more helpful to your child in the long run even if its really hard on you. They usually settle in the next 5-10 minutes and get on with the day and friends :-)

Children can be very manipulating even at that youmg age.... They will pull every heart string they can! :-)

Good luck!

Louise - posted on 07/30/2012

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I had the same problem with my son - he started at pre-school at 2 1/2 and cried virtually every time I left him even though he loved it - he had never been left with strangers before - I persevered and he loves it now and cant wait to go there. He had to be dragged off me once and as soon as I left I heard him stop crying so I knew it was all for my benefit!! I was leaving there in tears all the time. I'm also a childminder and I know that children will and do calm down as soon as mummy is gone and yes they do play up when mummy turns up too - especially 2 year olds - I think they go through some seperation anxiety at this age and they do it just to get the attention from mummy and make us feel guilty - keep on with it she will be fine!! Good luck xx

Donette - posted on 07/30/2012

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I put my dtr in a structured preschool at 2 because I felt I needed help teaching her things like how to play with other children and the other advantages of a program. (I was also 8 mo along with #2 and I worked FT). Somedays were hard and the preschool did have program to help children with transitions such as sitting in the classroom with the child or staying, leaving and coming back. This helps the child grow confident that when you says u r coming back that u will. Maybe grandma can also pick up so she has something to look toward to on specific days. Routine changes are difficult and it is important to build consistancy in routine asap. Her world is upside down right now and regression is normal with change. You know your dtr best and need to decide if she is ready for this change. Sometimes it is about you too. You have to ask yourself isbit worth the emotional struggle every morning? I do not think you are giving in if you put her back with Grandma. Nor do I think it is so "horrible " to give this transition a


ittle more time. Follow your heart. The answer is in there. 6 months from she may have larner to love preschool and cry when it is time to leave or she may be begging you to go to preschool.

Samii - posted on 07/30/2012

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when my daughter was 2 i started to take her to church and put her in creche. she was exactly the same for nearly 2 month she would cry and wouldnt let me leave. but after 1 month she would then let me go but still cry. it took 2 months of persistent just going and being strong in yourself to know that she is safe and she just needs to get to the place where she knows that u are coming back in a few hours. I am actually glad i startd doing this nw cz now it will make it much easier wen she starts preschool at 3 cz she doesnt mind me leaving cz she u knows i will always come back for her. If you have made sure nothing has happened there and everything is fine and that its just her worried you wont come back. tell her everytime u drop her off and everytimme u pick her up that you love her and you will always come back for her. Like i said it took me 2 months wen she was 2 and now shes ok. i startd in janurary this year and now shes started even asking if she cn go nw nt waiting for me to b ready to take her she asked to go. I know it hurts but it works.

Jodie - posted on 07/30/2012

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Maybe the place is too big and overwhelming for her. If you find out that she crying for a while after you leave then maybe a childminder would be better. Somebody who has a child or group of children in their own home. My daughter who is now 6 started preschool at 2yrs 2mths but because we wanted to socialise her not because we were both working. Five hrs is a long time to leave such a young child in preschool and unless u have no choice but to work then i would give up ur job and look after her yourself. I am totally against any parent of a child under 5/6 (proper school age) working unless they have no choice financially. If you wanna work and you dont need to work then dont have kids. But i know alot of couples who have no choice but i personally would give up everything and just have the bare necessities just to look after and spend time with my child(ren). If you dont need it dont keep it if it means less to pay out and most time to spnd with your child.

Pauline - posted on 07/30/2012

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Hi Elaine, I have not read all the response to your post. You tell us that see's also crying when you pick her up, do you know if she's happy during her stay, does she play with the other childeren?
I do know this is terrible, my olddest has been crying until age 5 when we brought him to preschool and kindergarten, but when we were out of site he had a very nice morning. If you think that is the case with your daughter best you can do is be as happy as you can when you bring her to school and keep goodbyes happy and short. It is just the case with some children. And keep in mind that it will pass eventually. I do know how haertbreaking it is, but if you let that show, your child will pick up on that and will cry harder.

Lisa - posted on 07/29/2012

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Where I live a child can start pre-school in the september, if they are turning 3 by the following March 1st. So 2 years and 7 months is a normal age for pre-school.

Connie - posted on 07/29/2012

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I think she is way too young to be starting school already. Let her be a baby for a couple years yet. It can wait until she is 4 or 5. It sounds like she isn't emotionally ready yet. Maybe Grandma can do some of the things a school would do. For example..............color, sing songs, teach her the alphabet, read to her and maybe teach her to start reading when she is 3 or so, take her to the park or zoo or things like that. Why are you in such a rush to get her in school? They grow up too fast the way it is.

Sarah - posted on 07/29/2012

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I agree with Jodi, that sounds too young for Kindergarten, let alone preschool. Are you financially able to be at home with her? Children so need their parents, especially their mommy, at such a tender age. Listen to your heart, listen to her heart. Us moms have to sacrifice a tremendous amount for our children, even if it means putting our own career, etc, on hold to be with them. There are other ways to give your child opportunities to make friends and challenge her mind than having her go to school. Get creative! The both of you will be so much more happy when you meet her emotional needs, and it sounds like school isn't giving that to her right now.

Claire - posted on 07/29/2012

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My son used to do the same at that age when he went to daycare after I started studying again. He would scream his little heart out until the minute I left the room and then go find a friend to play with! It's heartbreaking to leave them like that but it hurts us more than them usually. Eventually it stopped, and it helped when I figured out that the longer I dragged out the goodbye, the worse it was. I would tell him that I love him and that I would like to hear all about the fun he's had when I come to pick him up after he has his afternoon tea (I think this helped a lot because it told him that he was here to have fun, and the time in his routine that he would start to look out for me rather than looking for me all day). And then hand him into the care of the daycare ladies and leave with a smile and a wave.
My son is now 6 and has flourished into a confident and extremely sociable child who is comfortable in any situation, whether it be with or without me. There is light at the end of the tunnel, so long as there is nothing at this place that has scared her or made her feel worried that you are not coming back for her I'm sure you will be able to work through it too :) Good luck!

Kristy - posted on 07/29/2012

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She is in a transition from caregiver to caregiver and will do fine. My daughter went to the same "school" from 8 weeks until, well, now she's going into 1st grade and will go after school. I remember the traumatic transitions from classroom to classroom. I don't know how the teachers did it, having little kids standing at their door screaming for them. They had a hard and fast rule that the "old" teacher doesn't go to the child until 2 weeks have passed to give the child a chance to bond with the new teacher.

I disagree that she's too young. My daughter's "school" had a "curriculum" starting as early as 18 months. Now, this wasn't sitting at a desk doing flash cards and learning cursive, but they had a classroom routine and specific learning goals--colors, shapes, letters and sounds. Her transition into Kindergarten I think was made much easier because a classroom setting was second nature to her. Saying that, however, my older 2 kids were in a home care situation without any of the above until they were just before Kindergarten, and both of them graduated college with honors and were fortunate enough to get jobs out of college.

I would advise you to continue doing what you believe is right for your daughter. Be consistent, calm and loving in your approach with her (which sounds like what you're doing) and she will do wonderfully.

BONNIE - posted on 07/29/2012

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an you find a mom who de does inhome daycare andonly keeps one or two children besides her ow n? Little kis relate well to a small group and a mommy in charge

Cassandra - posted on 07/29/2012

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My son started preschool twice a week at about the same age. He would always cry, hold onto me and not let go. It was heart-breaking but as soon as I left he was fine and had a wonderful time. Some kids need it at that age and some don't. All depends on the parent and the child. The same son is now 4 and tLOVES going to school. So it's definitely an age thing/separation anxiety issue-which is perfectly normal.

Jo - posted on 07/29/2012

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I know that today's parents have their children's best interest at heart when they put their children in a structured school environment but it's not for every child and they should be cognizant of that. There is such a small window of opportunity for a child to feel nurtured and loved and protected by those whom they love. I believe the child is very young and should be allowed to stay with her grandma. Some of life's greatest lessons are leaned from our grandparents and there is nothing like a happy child being in a loving environment. Why don't you let the child stay with grandma and start her off with library times and craft classes and give her a chance to grow at her own pace; they all do; but some take a little longer than others and there's nothing wrong with that.

BONNIE - posted on 07/29/2012

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I dont mea to be rude but back off om. she does NOT go to school or kindergarten she goes togeoes t daycare ad obviously sh is not comfortable with it. She is after all N ONLY 2 1/2. Let her go to grandmaor I fear that when the tme comes to really go to school you will have a major robbem o your hands. Do you work? If you d you really should let gradma keep her, at least for another 6 to 12 months. If you dnt wrk you should still let grandma keep her for the same amount o time.What's the rush to get her in day care? If she is this upset it wll only get wrse. chill our, she really isnt much lder than atoddler. My great grandson is about her age and loves to be where tere are other kids, his broter is 10 months younger andis not nealy so socia. Kids are dfferent. Let her be with grandma, you migt try mothers day out once a week and call it playgroup.e

Kyndra - posted on 07/29/2012

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That is an extremely young age to be away from a primary caregiver (ideally mother) for an extended period of time. However, if you have already made up your mind not to take her out of the school, perhaps consider asking her specifically what she doesn't like. I think she just probably needs more one on one (either with you or her grandmother), and a busy environment just may not be for her.

Julia - posted on 07/29/2012

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I agree with Jodi. Sounds very young for preschool. I put my son in daycare when he was 1 yr and three months and that lasted a little under two months because after a month he started crying as soon as we turned onto the street the daycare was on. I couldn't take that so I arranged for a friend of the family to watch him instead. He seemed a lot more comfortable in a home environment where he didn't have to "compete" with so many other kids for attention. He is now 4yrs, 4 mos and I started to get the feeling that he was bored just being at home with a caretaker, so I enrolled him in preschool 3 times a week half-day. He is always excited to go, but there are still days when he cries in the morning and says he wants to stay home with me (currently on maternity leave). Being that he is 4 years old it is a lot easier to reason with him and "sell" the benefits of him going to school.

I know people put their kids in preschool or daycare at that young age all the time, but if you can I would keep her in the home environment with grandma if that is still an option. I think parents are so anxious and worried about their kids learning and being socialized that they rush and force them into it way too early. I say take your cues from her for now. She's little and probably still wants one on one attention even though she may have fun once she is at school. I don't feel that my son is less social or less intelligent because I waited so long to put him in preschool. If anything I feel he is more advanced than most kids his age.

Jessica - posted on 07/29/2012

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My daughter started her half day every other day program (called ELP in ontario) at the same age, she too was an only child, she'd cry when it was time to
Go to school and then cry when it was time to
Pick her up too. Lol. We stuck with it determined she was Better to get the friends to play with (I'm a full time SAM) her school actually took a summer break and almost every day she asked if it was time to go back. When she started back in sept the crying lasted only a couple weeks and then was only for pick up after that (never wanting to leave her friends) This June she graduated from her ELP program and will start all
Day every day with the french as a first language board and she's so ready! I think you just need to stick with it mom, until it's part of the routine then the change won't seem so scary.

Ana - posted on 07/29/2012

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I started my girls at 2 1/2 and it was a struggle at first. Lots of tears. We read the kissing hand and would talk about all the fun things they were going to do at school. After a while I think the crying was for show and the teacher told me that as soon as I closed the door they were OK. By the end of the year, they loved school and was sad that it ended for the summer. I too put them in for similar reasons. I had to work and my mother in law wanted some free time in the mornings. It was good for the girls and I don't regret it. Good luck.

Sheri - posted on 07/29/2012

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What isn't being said here is why are you even sending this child? Some of you talk about how your kids eventually learn to buck up and deal with it. Guess what? It's still not the best option. Day care is a sad fact of life, but it is NOT recommended as being a better option. Kids are far better off in their own homes. Would you force feed a child at 4 months just because it's okay for them to eat? Or strap them into a machine to make them learn how to walk at 9 months just because it's possible? Allow your child to explore with self motivation and you'll have a happier, more confident child. This is what the National Network for Childcare says about the emotional development of a 3 year old (as in 3+ !!!):

SOCIAL AND EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT

seeks attention and approval of adults
sometimes shows preference for one parent (often the parent of the opposite sex)
accepts suggestions and follows simple directions
enjoys helping with simple household tasks
can make simple choices between two things
enjoys making others laugh and being silly
enjoys playing alone but near other children
spends a great deal of time watching and observing
enjoys playing with other children briefly, but still does not
cooperate or share well
enjoys hearing stories about self
enjoys playing "house" enjoys imitating other children and adults
answers whether he is a boy or a girl
expresses interest in ethnic identities of self and others if exposed to a multicultural setting

Do you get the point here? The kids are primarily home focused. Even kids in daycare spend a lot of time pretending they are home. Let the kids stay home if you can.

Lynn - posted on 07/29/2012

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She spent her time with one on one with Grandma. It is hard for a child to compete with other children when they are 5 and you want her to adjust at the age of 2. Personally I think that she is acting out because she is shy and she is missing her one on one with Grandma. I hope it all works out well for her. There are other children that I know going through the same thing and they did adjust it just took some time and patience. Good luck.

Rachael - posted on 07/29/2012

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Its only been 3 weeks did you say? I think it is all very normal and a nice reflection on her relationship with you and her grandma. I worked in daycares and preschools for 6 years, was a nanny for 3 years and now have my own two children, 4.5 yrs boy and almost 3yrs girl. My son cried for a long time when I dropped him off but was so happy during the day, my daughter never cared, she was so excited to go to preschool. I remember kids crying when they were dropped to me in child care but within 15 mins of the parents leaving they engaged in fun activities, but then cried when they saw their parent again. I think she is a good age to start socializing her with other children will help her to be independent, so don't be so hard on yourself, I know it's hard but I'm sure she's fine and all will turn out for the best just give it a few more weeks, some kids need longer to adjust.....

Rachael - posted on 07/29/2012

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Its only been 3 weeks did you say? I think it is all very normal and a nice reflection on her relationship with you and her grandma. I worked in daycares and preschools for 6 years, was a nanny for 3 years and now have my own two children, 4.5 yrs boy and almost 3yrs girl. My son cried for a long time when I dropped him off but was so happy during the day, my daughter never cared, she was so excited to go to preschool. I remember kids crying when they were dropped to me in child care but within 15 mins of the parents leaving they engaged in fun activities, but then cried when they saw their parent again. I think she is a good age to start socializing her with other children will help her to be independent, so don't be so hard on yourself, I know it's hard but I'm sure she's fine and all will turn out for the best just give it a few more weeks, some kids need longer to adjust.....

Jacqui - posted on 07/29/2012

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remove her! My wee boy started in the most expensive nursery here. It had the best reputation and the best reviews by the review board and he HATED IT. He was just under 3 when he started and for 7 months he cried every time i left him there, Just 2 days a week from 8am until 1pm. He wouldnt g in to a tantrum or anything it would be a case of ''please mummy! please dont leave me here!' It killed me. 7 months later i changed him to a government run nursery and he was settles within 2 days, He has been there a year now and he still loves it. When we pass his old nursery he calls it the bad nursery. I dont know what went on there, if anthing but im so glad i got him out of there.

Dearne - posted on 07/29/2012

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Just an idea maybe talk to her about the other side maybe she does like school. But grandmas are very special maybe she wants both, maybe worried about Grandma. throw some other options into the conversation. When my daughter was younger she is four now, they may not have all the works so if you hit on the problem conversations about what is up setting her may help, just acknowledgement of a problem can be a big help. It does break your heart but remember she is in a safe environment and they pickup on your emotions before you sometimes. Good Luck!

Allie - posted on 07/29/2012

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before I start, what are you like with change. I am really bad, struggle with it. when my little girl now nearly 4 started kindy it was me that had a hard time. Give her time, she has had alot of one on one time with her Grandma. She just needs to get used to the different environment, give her 3 months and if she is still crying about it, you might want to ask for professional help. If she is happy at Kindy and it is just coming and going that sets her off. sounds like she just needs time to get used to the change. good luck

Jacquelyn - posted on 07/29/2012

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I would check into seeing if they would let you spend the day there with her to see what all is going on. There HAS to be something going on that you don't know about. Maybe some of the other kids are making fun of her, maybe there is bullying - something is going on that she isn't telling you about. I adopted a Special Needs little boy (he is now 13 and loves school because he is in a Special Needs Class), but when I first took him to pre-school, he would cry and not want to go back. They let me go observe in the classroom and it was a VERY GOOD CLASSROOM SET-UP - the problem was "separation anxiety" because he knew that I would keep him safe and he was afraid of strangers and also can not handle change (still to this day). I hope this is of some help to you - he outgrew it - but it is definitely worth checking in to.

Linda - posted on 07/29/2012

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My son attended Sunday School every day of his life at the same church from the time he was born. NO PROBLEM going until he was a little over 2 years old. Then as soon as he saw the church he would start screaming "NO" over and over. I would take him to class and leave him of course assuring him I would return. He would continue to cry--or wail--til I made it out the door of the Preschool Department. Then he would turn around and go play. He always had a great time. Made wonderful things, played with the other kids. I tell you this because I think part of it is her age, part of it is change (none of us like change), part of it is to make you feel guilty for not giving her her way, and again I think that is the "terrible twos" coming out! Keep doing what is best for her, eventually she will get over it. I have to tell you, my child continued this behavior for what seemed like forever.

Kia - posted on 07/29/2012

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That is WAY too young for kindergarten. I don't believe in preschool period, but for single parents, or parents that don't want to be bothered with the responsibility of actually teaching your own child, then daycare is ok. I have 3 kids, my oldest started kindergarten a year early, at not quite 4 and a half, but he started reading independently at 2 and entered kindergarten at a 5th grade reading level. My middle child will start kindy on time next year at a first grade reading level. My youngest is only 7 months, so no reading yet :) Besides a few overnights with my parents, they have never been in the care of anyone else. It is my belief that a parent is a childs first teacher, and so many try to get out of that responsibility or don't do it at all. Its evident by the kids in kindergarten that still can't recognize their letters halfway through the school year. Parents need to step up and take responsibility for their own child's learning, and stop trying to pawn it off on others.

Melissa - posted on 07/29/2012

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I went through this with 3 out of my 4 kids (my oldest is 15 and my youngest is 6...and he's the only one that hasn't done this (yet) ). With my daughter, we let her keep a picture us together, and when she got sad, she took it out and looked at it. After a few months, she stopped crying and she's been fine ever since.

Arlene - posted on 07/29/2012

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Hello. I had the same experience with my son before. i talked to the teacher and she also doesn't know.Then my son's friend told me that a smaller boy smaller boy was bullying him. So i had a talk with my son and he admitted that he doesnt like the boy. My husband and i decided to transfer him to another school. Then all went well.

Sarah - posted on 07/29/2012

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I work at a daycare, and this is completely normal behavior. Some children who have been in daycare since they were six weeks old will still go through a phase like this. The best thing you can do is stay positive and try not to react too much. Some children will cry just so mom or dad will stay for a few extra minutes, but most of the time drop off goes more smoothly if you stick to a "plan"... (arrive at school, drop off children's things in their cubby, say hello to the teachers, say goodbye to your child and wish them a good day... Then walk away...) I know it can be hard to leave if they don't look happy, but for some children that's the only way they can get used to it!

Vonnie - posted on 07/29/2012

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Perhaps she is not ready emotionally for preschool. She will be in school for a good portion of her life. Perhaps the anxiety of being separated from you and now her grandma is too much. Give her another 6 mos. to a year then try again. I teach 3 & 4 yr. olds and sometimes they are just not ready to be away from mom. It will not hinder her progress academically or socially. She has her whole life to do that. If she's more secure she will flourish more rapidly at the right time. I can tell it's tearing you up inside, don't let others dictate what you do with "your" daughter. Every child is an individual, and their needs vary. Pushing (in my opinion) will only cause more anxiety in both of you. Hope this helps!

Sandra (Sandy) - posted on 07/29/2012

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Kindergarten at that age seems way too early. I have raised two children of my own, and now am the day care provider of my grandchildren. I can actually remember when I started kindergarten at the age of 5 and felt very insecure even at that age. For the past year
I have been teaching my grandchild (who is now 4 1/2) how to use the computer. There are so many free preschool programs available that will give your child a boost and make her ready for kindergarten. Perhaps you could try this...I think it builds confidence, then maybe try preschool 1-2 days a week to start? Here's what I started my grand daughter on:

http://www.sheppardsoftware.com/preschoo...

Kelly - posted on 07/29/2012

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Awww; do you think it might cheer her up if Grandma came and picked her up from school one day? Maybe after school, they could do something special, just the two of them. She probably really misses that one on one time with her Grandmother. Maybe the two of you could talk to her about why school is so important, and why you want her to go and let her know its not that Grandma doesn't want to keep her, but its whats best. She needs the chance to learn new things and make new friends her own age...just a thought.

Cynthia - posted on 07/29/2012

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I'm missing something here she is only two years of age why are you sending her to Kindergarten. These children are atleast three years older than her. If she must be in daycare it is very important that it is an age appropriate environment. This is probably why she doesn't want to go. If you change her environment and she still doesn't want to go you have to remember that children are constantly going through development milestones. I have a daycare and the children are anywhere from 6 weeks of age to 5 years when they then transfer to kindergarten. I find that my younger children go through phases when they don't want to come then when its time to leave they don't want to go home, this is just something that they go through its a part of their develpment.

Lucy - posted on 07/29/2012

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For some children, 2 1/2 is fine, but for others who may not feel as socially ready, nor ready to leave those she knows and trusts, it may be way to young. Is there no other option? My daughter didn't even wave good bye when I dropper her off, but my son would walk up the path with me, muttering under his breath, "I hate this place. I don't want to come here." True, he was the younger child and did not cry. He was rather stoic and didn't cry much when he was displeased. He just clammed up and wouldn't talk. I would see if you could take pictures of your daughter with some of the children she enjoys playing with and use them to remind her of how much fun it is. Is she getting enough sleep? A good breakfast before she goes? Have you created a ritual that is unhurried and stable in the mornings? All these things can help. Wish you success.

Kelly - posted on 07/29/2012

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Children pick up on their moms andr dad's stress about leaving them. My mom had a class of 2yr olds, I often noticed kids cried for their moms and the second the moms were gone the kids were fine.
I kept this in mind when my lg started pre-school, just before she turned 3. She cried the first few days but LOVES school... She will be there almost a year now.
Try and be upbeat and happy, make her feel excited about school, drop her off quickly and always do the same thing... Every morning... Eg, baby five and a kiss... Tell her to have a good day and see u later aligator... Leave happy even when she is crying..Hug her before going to class say good bye in the car... You mustn't cling! Take her to her teacher and leave straight away.
I am confident that by Friday she will be happy to be left at school.

Robin - posted on 07/29/2012

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I don't think I have advice except to say that I had my son in school since 3 months (daycare that turned into preschool at ages 2+ or so) and right about 2.5 years old he started crying at drop off, not wanting to go to school, wanting to stay home with us, come to our work, etc. It was true for many other kids at that age as well. It helps for them to be heard and for them to be able to talk through it, but I would stick to it for a while and hope that she acclimates soon. She will have to get used to going to school full time at some point and each transition is important. Good luck!

Jeanine - posted on 07/29/2012

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Was a preschool teacher for over 10 years - 2 days a week is usually advised for children under 3. The child's brain triples by the age of 3 and up to age 3 it is important to have consistent mothering/nuturing/parenting as it can effect the brains development. Wait a few more months - it will help you and it will help her. Forcing her to accept it, going through a few weeks of hell will break her - however it will not help with her brain development - it will actually delay the development. Gabor Mate has written a book that includes this, "Scattered: How Attention Deficit Disorder Originates and What You Can Do About It".

Sunshine - posted on 07/29/2012

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she will get use to it. Seperation anxiety is very normal for children of that age. I have 4 children and been through it many times. Stay strong for her and keep encouraging her. She will eventually ask to go there.

Melissa - posted on 07/29/2012

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My younger son started pre-school when he was just over three. He was very attached to me, so the separation was hard for both of us. I had a few weeks of hell, where I would hold it together while I dropped him off, but cried all the way to work. He would cling to me and sob, begging me not to leave! I thought I would have to withdraw him! The solution that worked to turn things around for him was as simple as having a talk with him. I told him that kids at school would really like him and want to play with him if they could only see how fun, cute and funny he is. They weren't getting the chance to be friends with him because he wasn't giving them the opportunity to know him. I challenged him to find a new friend to play with the next day, and it (surprisingly) made all the difference. Pretty soon he looked forward to making a new friend every day. He suddenly had a lot more confidence, and now, at 8 years old, is a really popular kid who loves school. It's hard, but it will work out. I was very happy we went through that at 3 years old and not 5 like many kids I saw struggling in his kindergarten class.

Sheri - posted on 07/29/2012

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It's more than separation anxiety. She's anticipating this and becoming upset even before she leaves the house. This child is NOT ready for this. The anxiety is unhealthy. Having a mother in law available to help is a blessing.

Sheri - posted on 07/29/2012

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She's just not ready. I have 4 kids, only one of my kids was ready for school at that age. They are usually fine if the adult that they are used to attends. I went with my kids once a week, and sat in a chair for about 2 hours. During that time they would play within my sight for at least a few weeks. Gradually they were willing to play with the other kids a bit more. At 2 years and 7 months, however, their life is NOT about their peer group. They are able to adapt to the other kids, but there are always added stressors when they attend at this age. My youngest went with me for 3 months. We took a break for the summer, and as the fall approached he made it clear that he didn't like it and wanted to stay home. He was alone at home with a parent, no other kids to play with until his siblings came home. He was very happy with this, and I let him stay home until he was ready. They scolded me at the school, accused me of being "selfish" for keeping him home. The following spring, at age 4, he said that he would attend the preK program at the local Catholic school so he could "go to school with the big kids". He went off that fall, attending 5 days a week from 8:30 to 1pm and loved every day.
It's too important that they are invested into the whole experience. I'd take her out, and wait until she starts showing more interest in playing with the other kids. Don't have "playdates". When she asks, tell her you'll happily send her to school so she can see her friends. Then, buy new play outfits for school, a big girl minibackpack, etc to make it special. .

Alice - posted on 07/28/2012

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How about a reply from a great grandma (young one) who is caring for a 2year old female? I think you need to have a talk with the grandma who cares for yours and ask her to continually during the day talk about YOU. I always refer back to my granddaughter (her Mom) speaking of wondering how she is doing in school and how pretty she is just like her Mom. We always greet Mom with a what we did for the day. I get all my housework done in between playing or teaching her. We stick to a routine daily which also helps. How about having grandma go with you or have her take the child to school? Make a game of it...:"today I am going to play Momma to you today so I can see your wonderful school and all the teachers, playground etc.
Would you show it to me? Let her know that grandma approves of the school and her being there. Changing schools is not the answer. Once she knows grandma approves...(her second Mom) she will easily find it less threatening. Take a short trip to an activity and include grandma. She is feeling like she is in charge and that is going to be a bad thing as she gets older. Take charge and gently let her know that you and grandma are not abandoning her but rather learning what goes on in her world.
Hope this helps.
My great grandchild is in love with her Mother but she knows that I am a :sub Mommy to her during the day and she welcomes her world expanding...like sunday school etc.
She knows that Mom is her Mom but grandma is Mom;s big helper. Be sure to thank grandma everyday in front of the child.

Rachel - posted on 07/27/2012

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Try sending here to a different school. My mother took me to two different schools when I was that age. One I always cried when she dropped me off, the teachers ignored me and made me take naps when I hated taking naps.(My mother came back to check on me and caught the teacher throwing the sleeping bag over my head and telling me to shut-up). And I remember the older children being mean to me.
The other school was much better. I probably cried when she dropped me off still, but I took to playing with other children my age as soon as she left. The teachers were nice and caring and did not make me take naps; they allowed me to play quietly while the other children slept. I was so happy when she told me that I didn't have to go to the first school anymore.

Alexandra - posted on 07/27/2012

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You can give her a little book wth your pictures. She can look at it anytime she wants and maybe she will not feel so lonely.
You are doing a greta job reassuring her that you are going to pick her up. Keep doing that.
It seems that she is used to going to grandma a lot, so this change might be too much at this time. But she will get used to it.
I would make sure there is nothing going on at school, though. Is she afraid of somebody/something? Or somebody bothering her?
If there is nothing going on, then she just needs time, I think.

Ruth - posted on 07/27/2012

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I'm surprised she's going to preschool. The ones that I know of don't take children before the age of 3, probably because of maturity issues. At 2, she may still feel some separation anxiety. If Grandma can't take her, another option is daycare, preferably in a home. My son spent the first 3 years of his life with a caretaker who was a grandma, so if you can find a situation like that it might be a good compromise. Also, my state (California) requires day care providers to provide children of a certain age with a preschool curriculum to prepare children for school. And if the provider has other children your daughter's age that she watches, then your daughter can make new friends.

Renee - posted on 07/27/2012

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Hello,

I have lots of personal experience with this. I work for a daycare in a 3 year old classroom. I can tell you that this is extremely normal. With some children it will go away with time, others it is just their daily thing. I can also tell you that most children do in fact stop within minutes of their parents leaving and they are not just telling you that to make you feel better. It can get worse/ last longer if you "hang around" because you feel bad she is crying. I suggest to most parents that they drop their child off, put them down, get down at eye level, do some personal goodbye that you have made up with the child, remind them you will be back to get them later, and leave. You can also ask if they can have some kind of object for the first few minutes they are there to make the transition easier for your child.

My son still cries sometimes when I leave him (he goes to the same place I work, but I make sure he is separated from me all day and does not see me so he can focus on learning). I know from experience it can be hard to walk away and hear them cry, but he has such a great time at school with all his friends. I try to focus on that.

Hope this helps!

Sophia - posted on 07/27/2012

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My daughter use to get upset until I started to try get her amped before we went by saying yay do u want to go see your friends today! And she was suddenly like yip I wana go see my friends. Now she cries if I don't let her go when she's sick

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