Sad Mom

[deleted account] ( 4 moms have responded )

Hi everyone, I'm 66 and divorced. My son is almost 21. He's been living with his Dad part of the time and with me part of the time. He has always been a good kid and I love him dearly but he has become increasingly disrespectful since he was 13.



Recently he had friends over without my permission while I was away for 3 days. They brought alcohol into my home and damaged a door which is how I figured it out. He was barely apologetic and didn't seem at all remorseful.



4 weeks ago I asked him to pay 1/3 of his health insurance which would have amounted to $26.00 out of each $175 paycheck every 2 weeks. He became angry and began raising his voice & said, "You even want me to pay for my own gas! My Dad NEVER makes me pay for gas! He was so loud and rude and it was so hurtful that I made him leave. I sent him a text a week later saying that whenever he was ready, I wanted to have a conversation with him that was mutually respectful and signed with "Love, Mom" but did not get a reply.



I'm very sad and have no other family. I miss him terribly and I want to talk to him but I'm afraid he will just ignore me again and that would be even more hurtful. I'm sure his Dad is playing a big part in this because he has been condescending toward me during our marriage and since our divorce several years ago. And has never encouraged our son to be independent



Would love to hear from other moms.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Sarah - posted on 03/24/2012

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I'm sorry, you may not want to hear this, but I think some tough love is required. As he is earning he needs to pay you for board, as he would have to pay a landlord if he was living on his own. At his age he should be more independent.



I know you're scared of losing him, but part of being a parent is to nudge your child out of the nest and make them fly.

Amanda - posted on 03/23/2012

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Hi Sad Mom,

I am sorry that you are suffering so.

You are probably correct that his Dad is influencing your son.

My children are still very young and I cannot imagine the pain you are going through.

I have had friends and other family members go through similar circumstances.

All I can say is, hang in there and in time your son should grow up and appreciate you once he understands how to be independent and the sacrifices parents make for their children.

I wish you luck and will pray for comfort and peace with your son for you.

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[deleted account]

Thank you Sarah. I DID want to hear what you what you said in your e-mail because I do believe that tough love is sometimes necessary and it helps that you have reinforced that for me. More importantly you have validated what I know to be true. And I needed that.



Thank you for your support. It helps a lot.



Sincerely,

Sandra Walker

[deleted account]

Thank you so much Amanda. Your kind and supportive words are greatly appreciated and very helpful. Thank you for your prayers and God bless you.



Sandra Walker

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