Sadness

Queenie - posted on 07/28/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Is it normal for me to still grieve the loss of my baby? I was six months pregnant when I lost my baby girl in May right after my son's First Holy Communion. I feel like I have to pretend to be happy when deep inside I'm not. My husband feels that when it's meant to be it will happen and it's better that she wasn't born to suffer from Sickle Cell DIsease. I still feel this great loss and I don't want to hurt my other children by letting them see me so sad so I pretty much feel like an actress but I just want to be me and cry when I want to.

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Lisa - posted on 07/28/2009

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No one can tell you how long to grieve, try not to feel guilty about it... Maybe seeing your doctor could help with the depression.

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Tammy - posted on 11/05/2011

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Hi. I lost a baby at 36 weeks at about the same time as you lost yours. My boys name was Joshua and todayy he would have been 2 years and four months. I still think about him but it is easier. How are you doing now?

Sharon - posted on 07/28/2009

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You aren't losing it. You're grieving. Go ahead and grieve. You lost your child. Its only been three months. You carried her for 6 months - well past the delicate stage you have every right to grieve. You will need to move on at some point but I don't think you are there yet.

{{{ hugs }}}

Melanie - posted on 07/28/2009

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Queenie,

What you are going through is normal dear I would wake up in the night and swear I heard a baby crying. Not possible since there was no baby. Everyone always says how sorry they are and trys to make you feel better but some times I'm sorry just doesn't help.When you feel like crying cry it's ok people can't expect you to just get over it. I wish the best for you ans if you need to talk I am here.

Queenie - posted on 07/28/2009

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In the first few weeks all I did was cry and my kids really took it hard my daughter who is 13 just stayed in her room with her Ipod, my youngest always looked so scared and seemed a bit depressed and the other 2 just avoided me. I talked with my children and let them know that I was very sad but it seemed to have a negative impact on them which is why I took to acting and pretending that I'm "over it" and that the bad times are behind me. I had a bbq for the kids it was graduatiion/birthday party for them. I wanted them to see that life goes on but I felt so overwheled with everyone and their condolences it was just too much and all the negative comments about the weight that I gained. I was on bedrest the entire time not to mention the IVF drungs so I gained a total of 25 pounds. It hurts to have to deal with all the weight changes and my boobs just diappeared when the milk ran dry and still no baby..... I finally put away the baby things in the garage but I also feel like by doing that I'm letting go of her even though I never held her or had her home with me.....am I loosing it??

Maggie - posted on 07/28/2009

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i lost my baby in pregnancy in may as well. but i side with your husband. it wasn't able to live outside of you. it's hard but it will get easier. don't be an actress, if you feel like crying then just cry. if your kids ask you what is wrong just explain to them that their baby sister wasn't ready to live the family and you are sad that she had to go. i am sure they will understand to some degree. they love you no matter if your happy or sad. so don't pretend. if you really can't do that infront of your kids. wait until they are in bed and cry with your husband. don't hold it in.

Kelly - posted on 07/28/2009

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I can't begin to say I know exactly what you have gone through, but I have had friends who have suffered miscarriages (that word doesn't really say it, does it; they have lost a child), and I know that they greived for a long time. I also know it is typical that the husbands just don't "get it". I had one friend who was a teacher I worked closely with (I was her room mother at the time, and we had grown up together so we were close). She tried to come back to school, and would just cry and cry. She would apologize, but we knew she couldn't help it. I just personally think it is ok to let your kids see your grief. Not to scare them, but they are going to remember this time and they can probably handle it better than you think. I have another friend at church who will put flowers in the sanctuary in honor of her baby every year on her "birthday", and she lost her about 16 years ago. She still will mention her from time to time, not so much in pain, but she definitely never forgot. This is something that will be with you for the rest of your life, but I hope it becomes less painful for you soon! I will pray for some peace and healing for you and your family!!

Melanie - posted on 07/28/2009

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Queenie,

I am so sorry that you lost your baby girl. I lost my baby girl 10 years ago this past June I was 6 mths pregnant and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her. I think it is normal to grieve for as long as you need to but with time the pain will lessen but you will never forget. Love the children you have and know that she is in heaven looking down. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. If you ever need to talk I'm hear to listen lonelyinasmalltown@hotmail.com

Victoria - posted on 07/28/2009

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My first child ended in a still birth delivery at 22 weeks 5 days because of an incompotent cervix. That was ten years ago this October. Although most days it doesn't hurt as bad there are days were the grief is just overwhelming. It's perfectly normal to grieve, and it will get better. No one can tell you how to grieve, when it's going to feel better, or how long it will take. And you can look at the positives (like her not suffering) but it doesn't mean that it hurts any less. Good luck Momma, and I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Jodi - posted on 07/28/2009

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Queenie, it is perfectly normal for your to feel this way. I had a miscarriage at 14 weeks, and I grieved for a long time. I hated it when people tell me maybe it was for the best because it was meant to be. It doesn't help at all.



I would suggest you seek some grief counselling. You should be able to express your grief, this is a very important part of being able to heal yourself. A grief counsellor will help you. If your husband is not being supportive, it may be helpful to you both if, once you have some individual counselling, you can attend as a couple so the counsellor can help your husband understand what you have been going through. Our husbands do not have the same connection with our babies that we do when we are pregnant - they often don't form an emotional connection until after they are born. But for those of us carrying the babies, our emotional connection begins much earlier than that, and our grief is very real.



I am really sorry for your loss. Hugs XXXXX

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