SAHMs - How do you do Christmas/Birthdays???

Laura - posted on 10/18/2009 ( 19 moms have responded )

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If your husband is the primary/only financial provider, as is in my home, what do you do for Christmas? I've been begging him not to get me anything for Christmas this year, bc I don't want to feel guilty for not getting him anything.

Obviously, I don't want to buy him a present with HIS money. This is my first year not working, so I'm at a loss. Any creative ideas???

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Jessica - posted on 07/26/2011

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OMG! this lady pockets her husbands money cause she clipped a few coupons??? wow! It is his money... you are right Laura. And when i asked this question I had moms telling me that I was my husbands employee because I dont take money from him without asking for it. We have an allotted amount of money I can spend on him..and then we do some sort of craft for him as well...

Julia - posted on 10/19/2009

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Yes, I agree with the mum's above stating that there really shouldn't be a distinction between your money and your spouse's. Your contribution to the family isn't monetary but that doesn't mean it's not equal to your husband's financial contribution. In our family, our bank account is a communal pot - I'm on mat leave right now, and I am the primary caregiver for our son and do all things related to maintaining the house. That being said, a homemade, heartfelt gift is always one of a kind. One of the best gifts we can give to one another is the gift of time.

Sarah Marie - posted on 10/19/2009

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Sometimes my husband and I opt to spend the money for a together gift instead--whether its something for the house or even better, some type of get-a-way for us! We always do that for our anniversary and really have enjoyed some great together things-and then neither of us feel guilty for not spending enough, spending too much, not getting what each wanted, etc! The only presents he'll get at Christmas are little ones from the kids and vice versa!

Amanda - posted on 10/19/2009

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take something that you have like a really nice photo or something that you have as a keep sake and rape it up or fram it with a frame around the home adn give it as a give i have dune that and mine loved it. it brought back so many memories that we havent talk about in some time!! good luck.

Sharon - posted on 10/18/2009

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His money my arse.



Every grocery trip where I've clipped coupons, hair cut where I clipped coupons, walmart trips where I clipped coupons, I take half of what I saved and pocket it.



Being a stay at home mom is a JOB. Its a hard job. I love it. But I don't get paid. Hubby puts money aside for me to treat myself now & then and I'll save some of that.



But back when this all first started and I had ask him for money - omg it was so hard.



For a while we fought about it. To me, it was HIS money and I didn't want to take it. So one day he left it in front of the TV with a note "this is for you, spend it on you." omg omg omg lmao I flew into a RAGE - called him at work, screaming "is that all last night was worth to you?"



As hard as it is to accept, its your money too.



Its not the money either - its how thoughtful the gift is, or the action.



But the way I see it, I'm damned thoughtful year round. Lemon pepper honey trout on his birthdays, teriyaki salmon, a lovely clean house, back rubs when he is sore, foot massages after a bad day.



Seriously? WTF else am I supposed to do for him? Hire a stripper, shit I do that too. Maybe next time I'll prance around the house in a g-string and tell him to fetch his wallet...



kidding, I'm kidding.



Most of the time he sends me to the store to buy his gifts for the kids and I augment what I saved with some from him.



OH a homemade gift that almost made my hubby cry?



I bought poster paints and painted the kids hands in their signature colors and made hand prints of all three kids on a sheet of paper, then wrote their names between the fingers, matted it and framed it. I think it cost me $10? I got all the stuff I needed at walfart.

Socorro - posted on 10/18/2009

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Well, that is just a part of your apprehensions and insecurities about not having an income of your own. Spending depends on a lot of aspects. If you think that your finances don't allow you to spend on non-essentials, please don't, otherwise, other expenses will have to be compromised. All income that your husband generates is also yours, remember?, you become one in marriage. If you have children, make them your priority. Discuss it with your husband, he will understand. I don't think your husband will protest about that idea and for not having a Christmas present from you.

Kyle - posted on 10/18/2009

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might try to get a nice small pic frame and put your family pic in it and make it so he can put it in his car or where he can always have it with him. Then when the kiddies go to bed give him a nice message and have a romantic night between the two of you.

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Another idea, instead of buying or making material gifts for each other, would be for you and your husband to have a really nice, Christmas-y date night. Dress up, go out for a nice dinner, see the Nutcracker or something, etc. Or you could park the kids with friends or grandparents for a night and get a hotel room--or even turn your own home into a romantic getaway, complete with candlelight dinner, rose petals, and fun lingerie. This way you'll still be doing something special for Christmas, without bringing more "stuff" into the house--especially if your husband, like mine, is totally content with what he has and thus is so difficult to buy for!!

Kimberly - posted on 10/18/2009

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Quoting Laura:

Yeah - I hate to think of it as HIS money, but I really feel that's how it is, bc he works a lot. Also, he doesn't have an office, so no caleldar. He's a state trooper, so maybe something creative for his car??
We considered getting something the both of us could use, like a vacation or new TV, but I know he's going to get me something anyways. Scrapbooks a cute idea, and I thought of the coupon book~ I'll check out that site!!



Laura,



I understand what you think about the money, but it is your money also. You take care of home and kids that otherwise would need a sitter or housekeeper. That is money saved. You contribute as well, just not outside of the house.



My children and I have always made gifts from the heart. One year we did a gumball wreath, candles, and a plaster hanging of our hand prints. It was nice and the receivers of the gifts loved them. Take a look at craft ideas for christmas gifts online. You can search in google. You could also gift him a special night for his gift. A special you and him night. Make him a bath with rose petals. Wash him up, go from there....LOL. Make him a special meal, with a favorite dessert, then take a bath together.



There are so many things that you can do that don't require lots of money that he will enjoy. Men are pretty simple at times.



Good luck with your adventure and God Bless!!!

Nichole - posted on 10/18/2009

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now that we have kids we have agreed to not buy for each other but make it for the kids and special for them. we do fill our stockings and my kids are at the age where they understand that we "santa" is happy that mom and dad are good but he is visiting the children at that time.

Elise - posted on 10/18/2009

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I am a stay at home mom also. Each month we put away 50-100 dollars in a Christmas fund! We also budget in a certain amount for birthday's whenever we have the extra money to save. Even if you only put 30 dollars away each month, you will still have almost 400 dollars for Christmas! My husband and I also give ourselves "allowances" of how much we each have to spend for whatever we'd like from each paycheck. I save a little of "my" money without him knowing also. It's a little difficult sometimes, though, because he's a reciept saver and recorder to keep track of where our money goes! But anyway, you will have plenty of money for the occasion when that time of year rolls around! :) I know it feels like you're buying things for him with his money sometimes, but in marriage, it's all the family's money! If not, have a special night out together! That's always the best!

Aniesha - posted on 10/18/2009

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There is no 'my money/your money' in our household, so I wouldn't know. All money that comes into this house is 'our money'. Everyone contributes in different ways.

Elizabeth - posted on 10/18/2009

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I put away a little money throughout the year so i pay for it out of that money then he doesn't see what i paid for it and it seems less like it's "his money"

Amy - posted on 10/18/2009

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For Father's Day in Sunday School one year we made air fresheners for the car. All you have to do is buy a compressed sponge (craft store should have it for like $1) and spray with his favorite scent or any perfume or cologne. It was a bit strong but the kids loved making it and giving it to their dad.

Laura - posted on 10/18/2009

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Yeah - I hate to think of it as HIS money, but I really feel that's how it is, bc he works a lot. Also, he doesn't have an office, so no caleldar. He's a state trooper, so maybe something creative for his car??

We considered getting something the both of us could use, like a vacation or new TV, but I know he's going to get me something anyways. Scrapbooks a cute idea, and I thought of the coupon book~ I'll check out that site!!

Aisha - posted on 10/18/2009

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I totally understand! I was unable to work for part of my pregnancy (around the holidays) and it was the first time I didn't have my own money. I don't know what you like to do hobbywise, but my husband loves things I make since he knows the time and effort that goes into them. Maybe crochet/knit a scarf? Paint a picture? Give him a special stocking - make an original from old stuff then maybe make a big card with an original poem or a special verse you chose especially for him, maybe a coupon book with coupons for a massage, a free afternoon to play video games or hang out with the guys, a special dinner...you get the idea.

After more time of not having an income you'll get over the "sensitivity" of "HIS" money. You are working. You are a childcare giver, a personal shopper, a secretary, a housekeeper, a cook and Lord knows what else. I work part time and would love to keep that money so that I don't buy him presents with money he earned, but "MY" money goes to household needs as soon as it comes in. It is not "MY" or "HIS" money, it is "OUR" money. You don't say "I bought the last meal so you owe me". You are not living on charity or beholden to him for paying the bills. You are in a partnership in which the best contribution you can make at this time is to be a SAHM. So be it.

But since I do still feel some of the way you do...I justify it a bit. If I have $ to get groceries or presents for others, I find the best deal, the biggest coupons, etc. to stretch my money as far as possible. After all, if you allocate $100 for some gifts and find some great deals then maybe you have enough to get a DVD, computer game, etc. for your husband...without asking him for money to buy him a gift. You kinda "earned" the money to buy his gift since you worked to save the money...complicated logic, but it can work! lol

Good luck! Happy Holidays!!

Sheila-Marie - posted on 10/18/2009

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I never felt like it was "his" money but "our" money. You are probably saving money that you are able to do many of the things that were once paid for!! But if you are determined not to spend the money -what about a scrapbook, or a book of "coupons"- there is a site on TLK I think where you can make your own coupon book - you can make it sexy or regular - like a massage or a free day to do whatever he wants to, or watch a movie he likes but you hate!!

Amy - posted on 10/18/2009

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I always buy him a nice present, it is also our Anniversary so I have a double whammy! You work at a job too, even if you are not getting paid. I never thought of it as "his" money, it is our money. If the thought of that is not something you are comfortable with then maybe you can make him a scrapbook of your child(ren) of what you do in a day or maybe a calendar for his office. You make a calendar for him at Walmart for about $15 and a hard covered book at CVS or Walgreens for $10 when they are on sale. Hope this helps!

Robyn - posted on 10/18/2009

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Do Christmas gifts have to be bought? Instead of spending "his" money on a gift for him, maybe something along the lines of a week of back rubs or such.

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