Self Defense

Kimberly - posted on 03/04/2011 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My 5 yr. old daughter is attending pre-k with about 20 kids and loves it...However, theres a little girl who is, for lack of a better word, mean...She hits the teachers and students, backtalks, spits, kicks, refuses to participate in any classroom activities including naptime, tells everyone she HATES them, scratches, punches, pinches, you name it, she's done it...At first, my daughter started picking up on her attitude and thought it was funny (as she had never seen anything like this) but when I explained to her that it was wrong to do and say these things, she quit...She came home from school one day and told me that this little girl stabbed her in the nose with a pretzel stick because she got mad at her and screamed that she hated her...Then another day she come home with a mark on her nose from where the little girl KICKED her in the nose cuz she wanted the ball that my daughter was playing with first which the teacher agreed to that story...It was then that I went and talked to the teacher because I've taught my child not to fight back at school...When I spoke with her teacher, her response was "She has alot of issues that we're having trouble with"...Thats when I found out that it wasnt only my child she was hitting...I have witnessed her kicking the teacher because she refused to wake up from naptime and was there when the teacher spoke with her granparents about her behavior stating that she had in one day managed to do all of the things mentioned above in one day...The teacher also informed the grandparents that if she was goin to be like that, she dont need to bother coming...Her grandfather said they couldn't even control her at home and when the teacher spoke with her mother at the beginning of the yr. she laughed at it and said I have the feeling you'll keep me on speed dial, like it was a joke...I dont want to talk ill of anyone but the child also looks as if she refuses bathtime (her hair is caked oily and when she slings her head to say no, her hair stays in place)... Just yest. my daughter come home and said this little girl was sneaking and kissing a little boy (which alot of kids that age do), but punched her in the back of the head and neck cuz she wanted on the swing...I dnt want my child fighting others but she continues to be hit and bullied and nothings being done...Any advice or help???

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Danielle - posted on 03/07/2011

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my daughters school inplemented an olweus anti bulling policy and thus far its been going great maybe suggest to the principal that this be implemented in your school district

Medic - posted on 03/05/2011

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I am not a big supporter of fighting back but there is one girl in his preK who sounds very similar to the girl in your daughters and I told the teachers that if they were not going to protect my child then I would tell my child to protect himself. He ended up punching her in the face one day and yes he got punished at school but she has left him alone ever since. I do think there is a line but our kids should not just sit there and take it.

Lisa - posted on 03/05/2011

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I would talk to the director about your concerns. Also talk to other parents. School may be more willing to take action if 15 parents are in an uproar. I wouldn't teach your child to fight back, I'd teach your child to tell an adult when something happens to her. Also teach her to tell the other kids NO, stop that and then that she needs to tell an adult.

Laura - posted on 03/05/2011

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Self-defense is never wrong though there still may be consequences for choosing that action. Louise has a point--kids that don't defend themselves are more likely to get picked on then those that stand up for themselves. WE always taught our daughter that you use your words first in defending yourself, then your fists! She experienced an incedent just this year in schoo where she was being "teased" by a girl and she finally hauled off and slapped her! She received consequeces for her actions (yup, she was suspended) but she no longer gets picked on by other kids! She has had a good school year after that.

The point is that self-defense has it's place, even if you receive consequences for that action. Consider signing your daughter up for a self-defense/martial arts class. Good instructors always teach students how to "disarm" verbally first. The "defense" that is used involves blocks and throws, methods that deflect the attacker but don't actually hurt them. Only in the upper levels do students get to the point where retaliation (incapacitating the attacker with painful methods such as punches, kicks and "pressure points") is taught. The discipline and self-confidence that kids learn from martial arts can help them throughout life and can especially be beneficial for teens. Just be prepared for the expense--lessons aren't cheap!

Finally, one point to make about this little girl--her acting out is a serious cry for help! The mother's flippant attitude is the real problem--she obviously doesn't discipline or, I suspect, even pay any attention to her kid at home. This woman is "neglecting" her child and, quite possibly, abusing her. This girl needs serious professional help, but so does the mom! Until this happens, her girl will continue to act out inappropriately. Banding together with other parents can put pressure on the school to have the child removed; if everyone threatens to remove their own child because of safety concerns, the school would stand to lose more money than if they request ONE student be removed. Money does talk! One only hopes that this girl and her mother can eventually get the treatment they need. Hope this helps and good luck!

Louise - posted on 03/05/2011

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This child should not be allowed to hit out at any other child or adult and should be excluded. Get together with a few other parents and go and see the head. If they can not guarantee your daughters safety then they are failing.

As for you teaching your daughter not to hit back, as much as that was the thing to do years ago it is not now. You should teach your daughter not to hit out but to stand up for herself should she need to. Believe me working in the school environment for the past 20 years the children that do not hit back are picked on more because they are easy targets. I learnt this the hard way with my eldest son. He was taught not to hit back and to walk away but he was bullied terribly and in the end I gave him permission to hit back and that was the only way that the kids would leave him alone. He was the soft target for all the other kids in the school as they all soon learned he would not hit back. As soon as he retaliated it all stopped and if I had given him permission to give a good punch back he would of been spared many years of unpleasantness. Teach your daughter that having an argument and then lashing out is wrong but it is not wrong to protect yourself and stop what is going on. It is a cruel world we live in now.

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Tracy - posted on 03/07/2011

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my sons gonna be three kids should now have to deal with that. why cant they expell her kids just shouldnt have to deal w it my heart goes out to u guys

Kimberly - posted on 03/05/2011

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You all seem to feel the same way that I do about the issue...My little brother was bullied in school and the kid choked him and nearly killed him so the issue worries me (something I even told the teacher about)



Tracey: We tried, but the school board said they have certain "school zones" and she can only attend the one she's currently attending...I'd pull her out but there'd really be no point seeing that the child will attend the same school next yr esp. when its just ONE child causing all the problems with everyone else in the class...When she gets to high school, its a county school so all the city schools are combined and she'd more than likely be attending unless she moved out of the county...Although I hate the thought of a child missing out on an education, I wish they would remove the child causing all the problems since she cant learn to get along and replace pre-k class with therapy sessions to help her...



I dnt want my daughter getting a rep. for fighting but I certainly dont want my daughter getting picked on and hit...Its like her parents send her to the program so they dont have to deal with her at home...I hate to say it, but it honestly does since the "We cant even handle her at home" statement was made...I hope that even though its so late in the school yr. that if the behavior continues something will be done

Sneaky - posted on 03/04/2011

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Protect your child first - find her a new pre-K. She certainly isn't learning anything if she is being terrorised and if the teachers and the child's parent/grandparent will not do anything then you don't have any other options - unless you want to call CPS and report the child for lack of hygiene?

Nadia - posted on 03/04/2011

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oh wow this little girl has isues! Unfortunately, these days i don't thin there's much you can do... even the teacher can't do anything. All i can think of is to start talking to other parents in the class and maybe enough of you can either talk to the guardians (grandparents??) of this girl and get her removed or something. Also, i'd write down any and all incidents and tell the other parents and the teacher to do the same. this is unacceptable behavior and this girls' guardans have to do something. Personaly i think this child needs to speak to a professional therapist because there must be a reason she is acting this way. i think you are right in telling your child not to fight back, but there's a limit. how much abuse can your child take?!! its unfair to her to not be able to defend herself, but if she figts back she will most likely get in trouble. Likei said, i think the best way to go is talk to all the other parents, too. they are probably as concerned as you.

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