separation anxiety. help!

Naomie - posted on 09/03/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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my daughter's started having lots of separation anxiety when she reaceh one. i know it's pretty normal but i don't know how to handle it when she cries her eyes out whenever i leave. wether i've gone to the kitchen, bathroom or anywhere inside the house, she cries like i'm not coming back anymore. how will i make her believe that i won't be disappearing for so long?

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Sherry - posted on 09/05/2009

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The frist question i have that is your child one now or older cause i'm not quite sure?

what i did was go through some of my childs toys and put them in a box and hide the box away and only bring it out when you are leaving the room and talking on the phone ect...before taking out the box tell your child what you are doing and how long you will be and also tell them that you will do some thing with them when you are done. That worked for me and i still do this today and my child is now going to be 6 years old. Give it a try it is worth a shot!

[deleted account]

Talking while you are the other room is a great idea, let her know you are leaving without making a big deal is a good one to, she will sence your trepidation and react to that.



My sugestion is to play hide and seek with her, first hide in the same room partually behind a couch or something of that nature while you call her name or sing little song and then pop out with a big smile and perhaps a boo. Gradually build up to fully hiding to going to another room - if you always sing the same song or say the same thing she will recignise this as part of a game.



Games like peak a boo and hide and seek teach a child that although they can't see it, it still exists. The reason she cries like your not coming back is because her brain isn't mature enough to know you are coming back, if they can't see it they think it is gone for good.



She will learn over time that mommy will come back, untill then try and make a game of it to help her understand. Good Luck and remember it is a phase that all chidren go through as part of there normal development.

Jackie - posted on 09/03/2009

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hi, i had the same problem with my daughter. she not only had the separation anxiety she also had what they call stranger anxiety. if anyone held her but me she would cry including her dad, if a stranger would talk to her or even look at her she would cry. i know a lot of moms deal with the separation anxiety and its so hard because you feel so bad for them but it will get better. i took my daughter to the doctor over this because it was so bad that i had to quit my job because the babysitter couldnt handle her crying she said she cried from the time i dropped her off til the time i picked her up and the babysitter was her grandma. the doctor told me that there wasnt much i could do about it that she would just have to grow out of it. he also told me not to give in to her crying that if i left the room and she started crying not to rush in and pick her up or show her any attention for it or she going to figure out that crying gets mommy to pick her up. when my daughter was about 2 and half it finally stopped. it didnt completely stop but it improved and just kept getting better from there. i know this probably doesnt help much but one thing i can say is it will get better and just hang in there!!

Maggie - posted on 09/03/2009

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try working on it a bit at a time. When you leave the room let her know but don't make it a big deal. Talk to her while you're in the other room so she knows you're still there. When you come back help her calm down but don't make a big fuss over it. This is a phase and I think all kids go through it!!

Patty - posted on 09/03/2009

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Naomie....you can't feel guilty about leaving the room...the crying won't hurt her and she will understand that you will come back because you do...she will also grow out of it and not want you around at all by the time she is a teen

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Karen - posted on 09/05/2009

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I had a wise person tell me that babies/children pick up vibes from their moms. If they pick up that you are anxious, then they do the same. Try to relax before you leave your child - I felt guilty that I had to leave my daughter at the sitters and she would scream and cry - and once I was gone she was fine. Just a suggestion. Best of luck

Laura - posted on 09/03/2009

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I am going through this right now my four year old just started pre-k. I stay at home so I don't have to go to work or need a baby sitter.Well I thought I was going to camp out at school but now we are in 3 weeks and she has stopped crying I started a deal I draw her a pic of what she wants so when she comes home I can give it to her. The first day of school she made herself puke so it was bad. Good Luck

User - posted on 09/03/2009

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My daughter also went through separation anxiety. It was tough and I would just always tell her "Mommy will be right back" in a cheerful voice and say "okay?". It didn't always work, but it would make me feel a little better when I left the room or house. She started with the anxiety a little before 1 and finally outgrew it at about 1 1/2 years old. It is definitely a phase and eventually they learn that we aren't abandoning them. Good luck and hang in there!

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